I'm going to prison for a very long time and I need to know

tossed salad :^)

What country

I did hard time for five years and I ate the nutraloaf in your picture. It wasn't that bad. As for the food that's served in the chow hall, you can expect it to be pretty horrible but you will be full

>>8051681
United States. Florida to be exact

>>8051687
Hope You aint stressed bout the prison rape thing.
Only happens if you passively presently yourself and seem like the person who would exchange sex for favours.

>>8051687
what did you do, or not do

>>8051677
where is the prison located?

>>8051691
The only way to get ahead in prison is to give head.

>>8051693
I'm accused of attempted murder of my law professor but it's not true. The state has a good case but it's all bullshit

>>8051700
Fuck outta here

>>8051691
what if i like sucking dick

>>8051693
I bet drug possession or drink driving and fucking someone else up

>>8051701
Sounds interesting. What actually happened, then?

>>8051701
kek wat.

Story?

>>8051677
you've posted this exact thread word for word before.

>>8051701
>attempted murder
>law professor
>4chans fast food forum

Just another day on the boards.

>>8051712
Australia.

>>8051701

Isn't this what all accused murderers say before they get convicted?

>>8051709
>>8051710
I was in the passenger seat of my car and my friend was driving and he noticed one of our law professors that we both hate on the other side of the parking lot. I wasn't driving since I was extremely drunk and for some reason my friend smashed the accelerator and just ran into the guy at 50 miles per hour. He was unconscious and bleeding from the head and instead of helping him, my friend ran from the scene and fled the city. After this happened I called the police and sat in the driver seat and when the cops came they arrested me. I didn't do anything but i'm having a hard time convincing the courts of that since I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago

>>8051715
Shush. Regardless of what actually did or didn't happen, we might get a good story out of this.

>>8051720
And what does your friend say about this?

>>8051720
kek
Post recipes pls.

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>>8051720
>since I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago

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>>8051720
>I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago

>>8051720
What did the law professor do to make you hate him?

>>8051720
Did you explain to them that it was just a prank?

Get ready for ramenand koolaid
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-37164279

>>8051677
A tray full of steaming hot man-rape.

Erry day.

I for one am glad that OP is going to jail.

I hope he gets raped every single day :)

>>8051720
>"friend" that OP doesn't know the name of magically disappears after attempting to kill someone OP threatened to kill

How convenient.

No wonder the state is eager to fry your ass, you literally just confessed to 4chan. How dumb are you?

this shit has to be made up

>>8051763
In his smelly asshole.

>>8051772
No, it's completely 100% true.
Why would someone lie on an Atlantic Salmon Grading seminar site?

>>8051772
Who does that?
Who goes online just to say lies at people?

>>8051720

>my car
>friend ran over
>accidentally sent him a death threat

Let me give you a tip, get in a fight with someone a few days before you go to jail so that nobody wants to fuck with you.

Run for the Boarder anon

>>8051829
>Boarder
Clearly advice from an educated anon.
Do this, OP.

>>8051679
*rim shot*

(literally)

Everyone is a loanshark. Get Swole. Never toss salad.

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Tight story anon. Ramen 4 u murder junky

>>8051682
>you will be full
Not in Texas. At least not in county lockup. I spent nine days in Tarrant County jail. I ate every single thing they gave me and I left 10 lbs, lighter. I went in at 180 and came out at 170.

>>8051840

Look up difference between jail and prison

>>8051677
They force you to survive on the protein from cum.

>>8051828

Oohh i understand, because they will see the brusies and think 'hey that guy got here because he was in a brawl so he's not a gay little bitch'

>>8051720

Has anyone pointed out that a professor of fucking law is one of the worst people to try to kill?

>>8051865
but the gains though

>>8051933
Most of the examples of good prisons in places like japan or the Nordic countries is due to their population. In a place like america, the 3rd largest country in the world, it's tough to provide things like rehabilitation and anything besides locking people away is because of cost, you can't have tv's in rooms because it costs too much, compared to finland or norway. The bigger countries like India and China are actually worse, they break human rights laws, so it's tough. Best of luck OP, just don't be an asshole nigger or like those kids in scared straight.

>couldnt even finish the job

You deserve it OP.

>>8051677
just watch prison break.......

>>8051937
The worst part of is that american prisons are held by private companies, aka they're not even interested on getting those peoples out of their prisons by reforming their inmates as active members of the society.

>>8051937
Japan has 125 millions of citizens, so it's around one fifth of the number of the american citizens.

It's about how they are raised that they don't get in prison in the first place, so no extremely high costs for their country.

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>>8051905
>lol omg are we not gonna talk about how the person he hit is a law professor?

That's you. That's how you sound.

Privately owned prisons are always shit. They cut costs when it comes to food and cell quality.

US prison system looks and probably is corrupt to its core. You shouldn't be able to run those kind of institutions and make a fucking profit. It's retarded. Judges have been fired before for getting kickbacks for sentencing more people to prison. Wouldn't happen if it was always a state run operation.

Food-wise. Expect a lot of that nutraloaf shit. They claim its good because it might contain everything you need, but it's bordering on torture to not have food variety.

Europe, a bit better. Best would probs be in the nordic countries.

China, Russia, South America. ... kek

>>8051953
This. They chose the stick in the US. Long sentences, shitty conditions.. and boom. Prisoners become even tougher career criminals. Re-incarceration rates are skyhigh and PIC leaders pocket all the profit.

>>8051996

It is all a business. Anything for profit this is the nature of capitalism.

>>8051720

IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

>>8051959
Japan is a homogeneous society

>>8051701
>The state has a good case
>but it's all bullshit
Those are not mutually exclusive but most of the time they are.

>>8051720
Literally Tyler Durden tier friend

>>8051993
>You shouldn't be able to run those kind of institutions and make a fucking profit
Why?
Better than lining up the criminals and putting a bullet in their skull, which is what needs to be done

>>8051720
Others have pointed this out, but really, if there is any truth to your story, if your friend was a law student too and has just disappeared, surely you can explain this and there will be people you encountered that night (you were out drinking, right?) who will remember him being with you. And then maybe there is CCTV footage from a business near the incident that will show that it wasn't you. I mean, if you're story is true, there are a lot of ways you can cast doubt on the state's story here, and it really would be awful for you to go to prison for attempted murder, when the only thing you're guilty of is being incredibly stupid.

>>8051937
I'd much rather be in a Indian or Chinese prison than a Brazilian prison

Christ have you seen the videos of what goes on in those places? literally hell on earth

>>8051905
Why? Do you know what type of law he professes? If it's International Tax Law or some homoerotic shit like that it makes little difference

not good but better than the shit they feed kids in cafeteria

>>8051720
Dan Merkel?

>>8051959
>Japan has 125 millions of citizens, so it's around one fifth of the number of the american citizens.

Huh?

when i was in jail i enjoy breakfast. snack cake like a twinkie but even better and a carton of milk.

after i got out of jail i kept the tradition.

>>8051720
>sat in the drivers seat

Why would you do that?!

Out of 300 million Americans, 3 million are in prison. The highest prison pop. per capita in the world.

The more you know.

>>8051701
Are you one of those law students who thinks knows the system well enough to get away with murder and where you trying to make a point by killing your profesor?

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>>8051720
Why would tour friend scape on foot when he was driving a car?
Why would he leave you behind when you witnessed the whole thing?
How were you able to make the call when you were too drunk to drive?
Why did you move to the driver seat?

>>8051720
k...how do you accidentally send a death threat to somebody?

>>8051730
probably gave him a shitty grade on some pre law midterm at community college

>>8051933
that is a normalfag apartment in japan since land is expensive
>>8051937
>>8052082
racial homogeny means the guards cant pit race against race to prevent riots against the guards

>>8051677
Depends on whose prison.

Also, sorry to hear that. But if you are going for a long time, won't you have plenty of time to just find out? A lot of prisons don't give you all that much else to do but work and eat and procedure that doesn't feel like anything...

This sort of shit happens all the time. Wrong guy goes to prison and 20 years later they figure out it wasn't the right guy. The guy never gets any money or apology or anything.

People have gone to prison their entire lives because they were black and some white girl dreamed they raped them. True.

>>8051993
you know even "non profits" can pay their CEOs and workers massive salaries right

>>8051677
Don't worry. It's still better than school food.

>>8052361
Apparently also a very good business for a lot of people.

And more punishment than rehabilitation.

>>8052409
actually the state will pay them like 20k a year for ever year they were locked up. So old fags spent all their lives in jail but at least they are millionaires

>>8052415
In some states that may be true, but in 21 states the falsely accused aren't guaranteed compensation.

>>8052418
What are the odds that even if your case is clear, you still need a lot of lawyer time (and just time) to get it actually processed and get money...?

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Are you Joshua Scaggs, 26?

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>>8051679

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>>8051677
If you ever get out of prison, do me a favor. There's this big hayfield up near Buxton. You know where Buxton is? One in particular. Got a long rock wall with a big oak at the north end. Like something out of a Robert Frost poem. It's where I asked my wife to marry me. We'd gone for a picnic. We made love under that tree. I asked and she said yes. Promise me. If you ever get out, find that spot. In the base of that wall you'll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. A piece of black volcanic glass.

You'll find something buried under it I want you to have.

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>>8051677
It's just like regular food but in generic packaging

>>8051933
Funny thing about japanese prison, the cells are nice, but you literally become slave labor and are treated worse than people getting drafted into a war.

>>8052639
lol, watched this movie last night

>>8051840
Yeah in Texas they will rip you a new asshole, figuratively and literally.

>>8051720
>I was driving drunk and decided to hit my law professor that I had send a death threat to with my car. When the cops arrived I was so drunk that I decided "Friend driving in my car decided to hit the prof even though I'm clearly in the driver's seat and have sent him a death threat" would be a good cover story.

FTFY

On your first day, go up to the biggest, blackest guy and kick the shit out of him. Assert your dominance early and often. As for the food, just buy everything off the commissary and make yourself a decent meal

>>8052771
This sounds like a terrible idea. Go for the weakest, whitest guy so you don't get literally killed

>>8051700
If you want to get ahead in prison, have a friend or family member on the outside who will keep your commissary account full. If you are the guy who can make junk food appear any time he wants and likes to share, you will be loved.

>>8051851
he will go through county to get to prison though.

>>8051933
>posts pic of his apartment.

how many yen does that huge apartment cost a month?

>>8051677
get your public pretender to file a plea deal and get less time. never admit to the crime. place all the blame on your friend. If he does get caught he'll say you did it anyways. ask your parents to put money on the books for you every month so you can eat better. dont ever suck a dick. ever. I was in for 9 years and never had to turn fag for nobody.

https://youtu.be/ooGLzqDGd0w

gotta get dem musselz

>>8051677
Well, to argue the hypothetical friend's situation: You will be charged either on attempted murder or for causing grievous bodily harm (idk american term), as you called ambulance and were drunk you may argue a case for only trying to cause bodily injury rather than attempt to order him and for aggravating circumstances. You are still looking at like over 5 years because that would tac on drink driving. So good luck.

>>8051677
Been doing reading, and jesus you yanks really fuck over anyone who kills someone in some states, and are reasonable in other states, for 1st degree it varies between parole after 15 years in rhode island to just flat out no parole in michigan

>>8051677
if you live in the 3rd world expect expired cold food, also food with worms and stuff like that

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>>8051720

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>>8051720

literally nigger tier

>>8051937
>>8051933
If you think going to prison in Japan would be comfy then you might want to think again bro.

Only upside is that there's no rape in Japanese prisons.

>>8051679
and scrambled eggs.
Mercy!

>>8054553
Don't prisoners get forced to stay in one spot all day and not move without permission? It's the boredom that drives people insane.

Also, I like the way Japan handles death row. The prisoners aren't told when they are going to be executed. It could be any day so they could seriously be thinking their last day is their last. And then when they do get executed, they get escorted to a white sterile empty room with a rope while some dude presses a button to hang the prisoner. 10/10

>>8052036
The first bullet should go in your head

>>8052036
> putting a bullet in their skull, which is what needs to be done

We're all faggots here, but this isn't /b/ or /pol/. Would you really feel like that if someone you cared about was getting executed for some bullshit thing, like going 15 over the speed limit one too many times?

The point is that a prison, which is only one of three parts of the judicial system (law enforcement, courts, correction), should not be making money. Public institutions provide a service to citizens first, and earning a profit is almost always an afterthought, barring a few rare exceptions, like tollbooths.

>>8053619
Us Yanks just love to send people to prison and act like they don't exist anymore, now or after they get out.

>Since the 1960's, politicians realized they could get easy votes by being "tough on crime" which amounted to longer and longer mandatory minimum sentence times. Small amount of pot? 5 years. Felony too. Now you can't vote, and nobody really wants to hire you. You might as well go back to prison, and our high recidivism rates reflect that. 1/12 American adults are felons.

Not to sound political, but the political climate and those in office would both be drastically different if felons could vote.

>>8051953
>>8051996
re-offender rates are skyhigh in literally every place.
rehabilitation is largely a myth, even most of the inmates just laugh at the cringy bullshit these programs try to do.

US has so many prisoners because of 2 reasons.
number one: american courts liberally hand out prison sentences. meanwhile in european countries they let everybody off with a slap on the wrist and put him on probation.
number two: america has a HUGE population of hostile and violent minorities, primarily niggers and illegals from central and south america. in euro countries this simply doesn't exist in the same order of magnitude (yet)

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>>8054554
What is a boy to do?

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>>8051677
I would be more concerned about getting my ass beat by cholo's then what your going to eat for lunch, given you still have teeth and are not sucking someones dick at lunch.

>>8053619
Its because we have brazil tier demographics now. Plenty of whites in prisons but some minorities dominate the institution. We have to be tough or 3rd world psychopaths would be wandering the streets

>>8054558
hanging is better than what America offers since it's probably more effective but Americans wouldn't like how daunting it is to the prisoner in their last moments for some reason. old Puritan beliefs maybe. although real puritans drowned people alive so who really knows.

>>8051828
This is actually a terrible idea. If you pick the wrong guy, and he's in a gang, you're guaranteed to get killed by someone else. Even if you kick the guy's ass, you still have a target on your back.

>>8051677
Idk about the states but in Canada the food was shit, so hopefully you have money or know how to hustle so you can buy shit from canteen

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>>8051720
Enjoy the death penalty you lying faggot

>>8051720
But your fingerprints wont be on the wheel, right, why would they?
You get free.

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>>8051720
>accidentally sent the prof a death threat

>>8055595
>Even if you kick the guy's ass, you still have a target on your back
For.. Kicking ass OUTSIDE of prison? FFS read you nigger

>>8051959

Yes, the US with a population of over half a billion....dimwit.

>>8051720
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""friend"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

>>8051720
stop talking about your fucking case on 4ch and start stalking your friend online for them stupidly posting case relevant shit

and break the bank to get the best lawyer you can possibly have

just fucking run. my m8s dad was able to hide for like 5 months before they found him and if u most likely getting life anyways why not nigga . (he didn't even skip town for fuck sake)

>>8051720
Thanks for the laffs m8, made my night.

>>8051828
Why would anyone in prison know you got into a fight before you got to prison?

>>8052267
Because he was driving

>>8052394
>Why would tour friend scape on foot when he was driving a car?
Because he wasnt
>Why would he leave you behind when you witnessed the whole thing?
Because there was no friend.
>How were you able to make the call when you were too drunk to drive?
How hard do you think drunk dialing is?
> Why did you move to the driver seat?
He was there the whom time (dolan.jpg)

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>>8051720
you idiot, you know death threats are illegal right??

>>8051701
Umm if it's attempted then the victim probably saw who did it and if he's fingering you I'm not sure I believe you

>>8051677
uncut cuban sausage

>>8057791
KEK

>>8052415
Or they frame them and lock them up again. Making a murderer is pretty interesting.

>>8051679
fpbp

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>>8051701
Why can I not stop laughing at this?

>>8051677
it tastes like salty milk and coins

>>8051720
i enjoyed reading the replies to this

I read about a guy who purposely went to prison due to an intense homosexual fantasy. Come to find out, even prisoners don't like fat ugly people.

He liked the commissary food though.

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>>8058219
>read about a guy

>>8058230
Busted!

>>8051720
>I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago
>accidentally
How does one accidentally send a death threat? Was it meant for someone else?

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>>8051720
>hard time convincing the courts of that since I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago

I was not anticipating a /ck/ thread like this.

>>8058317
You get angry. You type out your frustrations then accidentally hit send.

So cringeworthy seeing all these anons try and explain away the horrible conditions of prisons. Why should law abiding citizens have to pay for your free ride?

Be glad you losers still get to see the sun rise every morning. Fucking entitled losers.

>>8052658
japanese prison is absolutely fucked. it looks all cozy and clean but they are not event treated like animals, more like robots. People on death row aren't even allowed freedom of movement within their own cells, they have to remain seated.

>>8058361
There are many reasons people are imprisoned. A lot of them are poorly justified. To wit: The United States has the largest prison population on the planet. Over abundance of innocent people incarcerated. Inmates who would otherwise be release for their minor infractions. Et cetera.

You shouldn't be so prejudice.

>>8051720
Fucking 10/10 thread, you're why "trolling is a art" is true

>>8057989
I'm the same way. It's like "yeah I'm being tried for murder but they're full of shit trust me". Oh boy what a morning.

>>8058361
so cringeworthy to see a brainlet not understand the simple concept of incarceration

its to take away freedom, not dignity

>>8058362
My grandfather killed a lot of Japanese on Iwo Jima.

>>8058416
My grandfather healed both american and japanese POWs as a doctor in an occupied country

Killing is not something to be proud of, and taking pride in something done by something who wasn't you is pretty pathetic

But if we're playing this game, I'm better than you nyah nyah

>>8058440
I suppose you're right.

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>>8051677
>Bon Appétit
>pic related

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>>8051720
You the same threadweaver that posted this?

You seem to be quite and expert of getting those (You)s.

>>8051720
You dun fucked up ya know...

You """""MIGHT"""" get absolved by the murder but for the threat? ya dun.

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>>8051679

>>8051701
>attempted murder
>law proffesor
>its bullshit the system is broken
>on /ck/
you cannot believe how hard i am laughing

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>>8051679
Spread and tossed salad

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>>8051701
Jesus Christ, why did you kill your Law Prof?

>>8051677
dont worry, I'm sure the inmates have plenty of prison food hacks for you to enjoy

>>8052412
Not true. The food in Denver county was barely edible

>>8051720
>I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago

fucking amazing

>>8058440
>killing people who belonged to an army which turned mass murder and rape into an official contest isn't something to be proud of

>>8051720
>I accidentally sent the prof a death threat a few weeks ago
Holy fucking shit just like in Brothers Karamazov.

I spent a night in jail once and a nice black policewoman gave me an egg sandwich and coffee.

>>8051720
You're fucked, even if you don't go to jail they'll never admit you to the bar.

>>8052055
But then OP would be a snitch ass busta

>>8059439
when life imitates art

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>>8054554

I looked at the replies just to see how long this would take.

>>8054599
You're right. Fuck the prison guards who often work 10-12 hour shifts. They don't need to eat. Fuck the chefs who cook the inmates their meals. They don't have a family to maintain. Fuck the people at the top like the warden, they have power, they don't need money! Fuck trying to reinvest money to make more room as population grows, to keep buying the same food as the cost of food rises, to maintain the beds and other equipment, to staff decent people rather than life rejects like you.

All you autistic libtards are the same fucking thing. Want them gimmes for yourselves but nobody else.

>>8059752
That has nothing to do with what he said.

They would still be paid in a non corrupt prison system.

>>8059288
>prison food hacks
>this one prison food tip guards don't want you to know!
>suck their dicks and eat their cum!

>>8059759
You clearly have no idea how any organization runs, public or private, so kindly fuck off.

>>8059767
These private systems don't reinvest money to make the prisons better, it's profit my Friend

I was in county for 5 days. My cell mate was this old black guy who was about to have a heart attack or die. He left the cell many times for check ups and then left before me. I gave him my food, minus the cake they give you.

:)

>>8051720
lel

am I experiencing the Mandela effect or have i read this exact same thread before

>>8051677
Instant ramen is currency in prison
That should tell you everything you need to know

>>8051720
The stupidity of some people is astounding
This is how we know we've both succeeded and failed as a society. That people as stupid as this are somehow able to exist

>>8052639
That's quite a stretch.

>>8060834
>am I experiencing the Mandela effect or have i read this exact same thread before

this thread is posted often. i've seen it twice before this (in the last few months)