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most autistic things you've done? >me 16 >burn pizza

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most autistic things you've done?
>me 16
>burn pizza
>bury it in garden so parents won't find out
>>
>>7561995
kek
>>
>>7561995
Tried fucking a Boston cream pie. Tur.s out it was the family's desert and they were all coming over that night. Oopsie daisies!
>>
>Uncured pepperoni

So...it's pork scrapings, colorings and flavors? Just when you thought American "food" couldn't get any worse.
>>
>>7561995
is this serious? why didn't you throw it in the bin?
>>
>>7561995
Did it grow into a pizza plant?
>>
>>7561995
I didn't like the yolks in hard boiled eggs when I was really young. I would put them outside in the grass thinking they would hatch into chickens.
>>
>kinda drunk
>plan to cook pasta and meat sauce
>think "I'll cook the meat and pasta at the same time so I can eat quicker"
>throw ground beef in boiling water with the pasta
>half way through realize how retarded I am
>shut it off and go to bed
>roommates all wake up confused as to why there is a pot of water with raw beef in it in the kitchen
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>>7562084
because they would find it
>>
>>7561995
>12 or 11
>microwave a brownie mix
>Pull it out way too early and spill molten brownie mix down my arm
>Look at sink and then run outside into my backyard and plunge my arms in the water
>>
I threw out a lasagne and remade it, including making more ricotta, because I didn't think it looked good from the side. I didn't like my layering.
>>
>>7562112
In to my pool, I mean. My brain went "Faucet, nope, Pool, yes." for some reason.
>>
>>7562111
but why does it matter
>>
I tried boiling fish in milk. I thought the milk would turn into a yummy sauce. I was wrong.
>>
>>7562003
huh
>>
>>7561995
>drunk
>put raw cookie dough in the microwave because I need a cookie right now
>go take a shit
>started a huge fire
>burned my dads kitchen and it took the fire department to put it out
>>
>>7562115
you are who I aspire to be
>>
Housemate ate my sirloin steak so I lost my temper and kicked over the fridge and started crying. Then he said it was a joke and presented my with the steak, unharmed.
>>
When I was a kid, I would eat lima beans one by one, swallowing them whole. Have rectal cancer now
>>
/bulimic/ reporting

I make too much food, binge eat, then feel guilty halfway through and flush the rest of the food so I cant get to it. Sometimes I flush things like flour so I cant bake, or is I make impulse purchases like candy and chips, into the toilet as well.

I also drink large quantities of water in one sitting. 2 liters in 10 minutes is not unheard of. Get ill and end up having to induce vomiting. I hate when I drink too much water, but I love it at the same time. I love to hear that sloshing inside me when I run and I sweat like a motherfucker when I'm working out.


Back when I was fat I used to make a godly nachos.

1 pound of ground beef
400 grams of marble cheese
half a pack of bacon
200 grams of chicken
one bag of nacho cheese flavored chips

Wash that down with a two liter of whatever soda i wanted that day.
>>
>>7562216
genuine question, what compels you to be bulemic? Do you not have a voice in your head that goes "holy shit this is objectively a mental disorder I probably should stop"

I'm asking because eating disorders make my brain do backflips, I can get anxiety, depression, delusions, all that jazz, but eating disorders confuse me something fierce
>>
>>7562211
reeeeeeee
>>
>>7562220
Not him, but if I eat any amount of food I feel like it's too much and stop, regardless of feelings of hunger.
>>
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>>7561995
Thanks for the giggle.
>>
>>7562110
Kek
>>
>>7562220

That little voice of reason is always in the back of my mind, telling me that this state of mind is not right. I think my intense fear of reverting back to a state of fatass is causing this. Right now, I keep myself at 133-135 pounds. I ate and drank a lot last night and pushed my weight up past 140 for the first time in months. It literally freaked me out and now I am recovering from a two hour run just to punish/recover from it.

I'm not completely delusional about it. I do very little inducing vomiting and I know my BMI and keep myself inside the healthy range. I just cannot begin to fathom gaining any more weight and as such have to plan out everything I consume days in advance like a battle plan... But like every battle plan it falls to shit on first contact and I end up consuming more then I intend (my problem is water, I'm quite good with food intake) and I end up feeling like shit all over again. It's a vicious circle.
>>
>>7562220
Eating disorders tend to be addictive.
Bulimics can get addicted to purging, they can find it comforting or as a compulsive habit. When I was bulimic I wanted to throw up when anything bad happened, even if I hadn't eaten.
Anorexics can get a high from not eating.
As with any addictions highs, compulsions, and control, hiding habits, justifying the actions.
Like any addiction it ends up being people having no idea how to rationalise their feelings without destructive habits, ie most normal people react to eating too much or gaining weight as going on a diet, people with eating disorders end up throwing up or not eating for a while
>>
>>7562006

No nitrates, they are bad for your peen
>>
>>7561995
Be on 4chan
>>
>>7561995
>Starved myself because I ate shitty the day before
I still do this sometimes
>>
>>7562109

When in reality the white membrane is the worst part! I hope you changed your ways.
>>
>>7562216
I know that feel. I put food in my mouth and chew it to get the flavor and then spit it out a lot. It's become a habit. I just don't wanna swallow it even though I know it won't kill me to or make me gain weight, really
>>
>be me
>14 years old
>campfire with friends
>friend throws flaming marshmallow at me
>get revenge by going upstairs to dump a huge pot of mac and cheese on them from the balcony
>sling the pot with autist strength by the handle and it just goes all over the side of the house
>>
>>7562418
I hope you only do this alone. If I saw someone doing this I would want to punch them in the teeth
>>
>>7562475
That would hurt your hand more than their teeth anon.
>>
>>7562328
/thread
>>
>>7562479
I'm to mellow of a person to do it. I'd just tell them to seek medical help and leave. But its disgusting even into a napkin.
>>
>>7562444
fucking LOL
>>
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>>7562177
what the fuck
>>
>>7561995
A family member told me that when I was 4 I tried to stick a box of powder cake mix into the microwave thinking a cake would come out. Caught on fire, microwave still worked once it was put out, though.
>>
>>7561995
Microwaved a soup cup without adding water
woops
>>
>>7562003
did you think no one would notice an entire pie gone, you fucking retard?
>>
>in kindergarten
>mom makes food
>I don't like it
>leaves me at table for 2 minutes
>throw it out the window and lie saying I ate it
>she looks out window
>beats my ass
>>
>be a small child
>think mom only packs me vegetables and dressing for lunch at summer camp
>cry
>counselor comes over
>I explain and they call my mom
>It is what it is
>Cry some more
>Realize dressing is actually cottage cheese
>Feel like an idiot, but happy for fill lunch
>>
>>7562662
>Realize dressing is actually cottage cheese

How does that mage a fucking difference?
>>
>>7561995
Told this girl that I was wanting to sleep with that I knew how to cook and that I'd bring her a cupcake. Well I go to walmart buy this thing of vanilla cupcakes and bring them to her, she's eating one and she comments on how it's filled with frosting. I go without thinking say that they aren't filled with frosting. She pieces it together that I didn't make them and had only bought them and starts laughing at me. She didn't let go of it for a few days. In the end though I was still able to fuck her.


I know it's a shit story but it's all I got
>>
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>>7561995
>>
When I was 13 I came home from school and put a bag of popcorn in the microwave then went outside to fuck around in the woods, turns out I accidentally set the timer for 30 minutes instead of 3. When I came back the house was full of smoke and everything smelled awful especially all of our clothing.
>>
I put ranch flavored popcorn powder into beef stew thinking it would taste good
>>
When I was six I made a cake for my parents. Not so bad right? Wrong. Being six i had to add non raising flour and salt instead of sugar. I had my little sister who was four at the time make the icing. The icing had coco puffs in it and bananas. We were so proud of our "cake".


Long story short We added non raising flour, salt, cocopuffs and bananas to a cake
>>
Not me, but I know a guy that tried to cook his baby sister by putting her in an oven. Was probably this guy here too >>7563068
>>
>>7563068
>cocopuffs and bananas to a cake

That doesn't sound too bad.
>>
>>7562211
>kicked over the fridge
How the fuck
>>
>be 5 or 6
>love the fuck out of popcorn
>beg my mom to make it whenever possible
>decide to make it myself
>know to put the bag in the microwave for 2 minutes
>set the microwave for 20 minutes instead
>4 minutes in, mom comes downstairs and asks if something is burning
>sees the popcorn in the microwave, smoking
>throws the microwave door open, takes the bag, and throws it out in the backyard
>banned from using the microwave for years
>>
>>7563089
But it was in the icing. Not the actual cake :P
>>
>>7563095

I think what you guys did is bloody precious. Makes me want to have children even more but I doubt I will.
>>
>cleaning up after Thanksgiving one year
>I'm in charge of putting away leftovers
>my literal autism compels me to mash up all of the carrot casserole between my hands
>the texture was niiice
>mom and dad were pretty mad that I wasted a whole tray of food, though
>>
>>7562172
how could it not
>>
>>7563095
>:P

Kill yourself.
>>
>>7563132
yes sir
>>
>>7562211
Something very similar happened to me. A friend of mine had brought a cool manga book to school, and he asked me to take care of it for him while he went to the toilet. I hid behind a wall as he walked out, and he immediately started bawling his eyes out. I went up to him and presented him the book, and he wanted me out of his life. At the same time we were both like 11.
>>
Not me but a friend
>Decide to oven cook whole chicken
>Likes lemons, cut 4 lemons in half and throw them in there
>Chicken is literally too acidic to eat, throws the whole thing away
>>
>>7562177
>I thought the milk would turn into a yummy sauce
Kek how on Earth did that idea enter your head? Next time try frying a fish, then add coconut milk in there - that actually works well.
>>
>>7563068
>types 4 short sentences
>LONG STORY SHORT
>types 1 sentence half as long as original

Help my brain is shutting down
Consider taking this advice >>7563132
>>
I burned a pizza into a black frisbee, so I took it to my neighbors house and whipped it onto their patio upstairs because hes a dick

He still sometimes talks about it
>>
>>7561995

>Be me, 16 (26 now)
>Wore a fedora
>Went to fancy restaurant by myself and ordered a well done steak because I'm a pleb
>On my phone while waiting, read online that it's rude and not customary to order a well done steak in a restaurant
>When the meal came I abandoned it
>Never went back
>>
>>7561995
my brother put jiffy pop (popcorn in a metal/plastic container you make over a heat source) in the microwave when he was a little kid. thankfully someone caught it before the house exploded or whatever

I didn't know what lentils were so I thought using chickpeas would be fine in a curry recipe. I cried when it came out horrible, it's the worst time I've failed. I fucked up the rice too.
>>
>>7563316
I don't see how replacing lentils with chickpeas could lead to a curry being horrible. It can't have been the only thing you did wrong.
>>
>>7562220
Women....
>>
>>7563319
the curry was otherwise really light, I think it was depending on the creaminess of the cooked lentils to bring it all together. I don't know for sure though, I haven't tried the recipe again since.

I am much better at cooking rice now though.
>>
>>7563281
>2006
>smartphones
>>
>7 yrs old
>don't understand how to make cup ramen properly
>Would microwave dry noodles in the styrofoam cup for 3 min then pour room temp water over it
>somehow do this several times with no incidents
>one day leave ramen in the microwave for too long and it catches fire
>Dad manages to put it out quickly but looks at me like I have brain damage.
>>
>>7563335
>he didn't have a Blackberry
>>
>>7563419
Some fuck did this in 7th grade until he got banned from every microwave on campus the third time
>>
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>>7562107
Yes, pic related
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>>7563335

>Not having your parents buy you a blackberry in order to be superior and fantastic to everybody else in your clique


Pleb
>>
>>7562110
How do you think pasta soup with mince is made?
>>
>>7563449
>putting all your frozen pizzas in the garden to make a gag on /ck/
>>
>>7563419
I'm not sure how murchuan or whatever that brand is still gets away with instructions to microwave in a styrofoam cup. That is HIGHLY toxic, way worse than plastic.
>>
>>7563511
>thinking they made this pic and didn't just find it on google
>>
>>7563108
*last year
>>
>>7563517
Only retards microwave the cup. The directions clearly tell you to pour boiling water into the cup.
>>
>>7564574
Everyone at my elementary, middle school, and high school microwaved the entire cup.

Called tinfoil for saying it was bad )^:
>>
>>7563271
no one cares
>>
>>7563068
>...i had to add non raising flour and salt instead of sugar. I had my little sister who was four at the time make the icing. The icing had coco puffs in it and bananas. We were so proud of our "cake".

fuck the haters. this story is totes adorbs.
>>
>>7565751

this, mom's love shit like this
>>
>>7563517
>>7564574
>>7564805

Funny shit is that they finally started making microwave safe noodle cups

I also found this site while trying to find out exactly when the microwave-safe cups started being made http://www.theramenrater.com/
>>
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>>7562216
You're fuckin weird
>>
>>7565915
yeah they're weird but look at that sickass nacho recipe
>>
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>be really young
>picky eater because i was able to talk my mother into/out of anything
>family gatherings are always traumatic
>everyone constantly shoving spoonfuls of food i dont like in my face screaming "JUST TRY IT!"
>mom gets dirty looks and sometimes even direct blame for my eating habits
>eventually start trying new foods
>have to try them in secret because otherwise literally everyone in my entire family would hear about it and make a huge fuss
>grandpa's funeral
>we all go to a buffet after
>i secretly try bacon for the first time
>shit is cash
>everyone still sad from the funeral, some people still sobbing
>get an idea
>"ill cheer everyone up by bringing back a big plate of this dank ass bacon, theyll be happy i tried a new food and well have a huge pile of bacon to eat"
>pile up a literal mound of bacon, at least 4 inches tall
>bring it to the table
>"this is for everyone!"
>grandma throws her utensils down and starts sobbing into her hands
>all the adults start yelling at me for being wasteful
>brother laughs
>i panic
>run back to buffet and dump the bacon mountain back into the tray
>everyone gets even more rustled
>get yelled at the rest of the meal
>have to apologize to the waitress
>later that night mom tells me shes proud of me for trying bacon
>mfw

kinda long i know, but fuck you
>>
>>7565937
I'm pretty sure it's your family that's autistic.
>>
>>7565944
>tfw I'll never marry a qt autist and go to gatherings to meet her equally autistic extended family
>>
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real talk, my nephew.

[spoiler]He probably is borderline autistic. Real definition, not meme definition. The kid eats pretty much only eats eggs, pepperonis (not pepperoni pizza, just pepperonis), french fries, hamburgers and cereal. But only eat dry cereal, usually rice krispies or something similar. When he has to eat something he doesn't want to, he'll either not eat it at all or chew the food up and let it sit in his mouth.[/spoiler]

I worry for him, /ck/.
>>
I have an autistic nephew as well, doesn't eat and when he does the only thing is milk and flour tortillas with shitty shredded cheddar
>>
>>7566037
Recently, I've been telling him that he needs to eat different kinds of food so he can build up enough muscle to be able to put soap on his hands by himself (it's a foaming soap dispenser and he's about as skinny as you can be while still being somewhat healthy). Time will tell if he takes to the idea though. It's an uphill struggle for sure, but you gotta push little by little. All the best, anon.
>>
>>7561995
>me, 15
>friend is over, I'm making her a breakfast sandwich
>her ride is honking in the driveway
>bacon not even close to ready
>dump salt all over the bacon thinking it will "cure"
>serve her essentially raw, salt-coated bacon
>"it's on a sandwich; it won't matter"
She got violently sick later that day. It could've been a coincidence, but probably not.


My girlfriend had a pretty bad one recently.
>come home, house smells like burnt cardboard
>microwave open, blackened
>fuck.jpg
>the remnants of an Easy Mac container are melted/burnt onto the microwave
>girlfriend upstairs sleeping
Turns out she had made Easy Mac but didn't put any water in. She went upstairs to poop while it was destroying the microwave, and the whole ordeal left her too stressed, so she just went to sleep.
>>
>>7566218
your girlfriend sounds like a retard
>>
>>7566218
>>7566244
actually so do you
>>
>>7566244
>>7566250
the point of the thread
>>
>>7565937
That kind of sounds the opposite of autistic on your end. Your family were the autistic ones here
>>
>>7561995
I dunno why but I find this really really funny.
Anyway, one time my mom told me to set the microwave timer for 30 minutes for a pot roast and I turned on the actual microwave for 30 minutes so it was just wasting energy
>>
>>7565915

I know. :(

>>7565931

Layer the nachos for maximum effect.
>>
For the record all I ever wanted to do was read some funny posts in a cool these on /ck/

But I'm starting to go blind thank you Chicago spring allergies

FUCKING ALLERGIES MY NOSE HURTS SO MUCH

When they find my body dead from my soul currently trying to escape through my eyelids, just let the world know that I tried my best in the end
>>
>>7566589
Are you dissociated???
>>
>>7565937
You did nothing wrong. Your family getting mad for you not liking some kinds of food is fucking obnoxious, and to hell with them for getting mad at a kid trying to cheer everyone up. I'm slightly rustled by the shit they pulled on you.
>>
>>7561995
>be sleepy me
>decides to make Mac n cheese
>as water boils
>pours milk in water
>then the packet of cheese
>then pure chunks of cheese
>puts the odd substance in bowl
>lastly the noodles
>realizes what I am eating
>"Ehh."
>>
>>7566531
Anon, if it's bothering you too much, go see a psy.

You are stuck between cycles of obsesional organisation and constraint and bulimic comfort.


I don't know how much psycho/psychanalist/psychiatrist cost in your country but if it's putting such strain pn you it might be a good idea to figure what is the origin of the pain who force you to ressort to those habits.
>>
My brother is 23.

He makes mountains out of formal dinners.For example I'll use Thanksgiving. He'd lay down a quarter of a pot of mashed potatoes, sprinkle it with peas and other vegetables, He'd take the turkey and at the table split it up into stringy pieces with his fingers, then lay down a cup or 2 of gravy on top. Then he'll mash it all together and turn it into a rancid looking mush.

He'll then lean over and with his grubby long hair, cover the plate and eat.
>>
>>7566684
I don't like people like you.
>>
>>7566712
That's okay.
>>
>>7561995
>Went to my parents' friends house for a barbecue when I was about 10.
>had hamburgers and brats
>I'd never had a brat before, got one
>Adults eating inside, kids outside on lawn chairs
>bit into my brat
>greasy juice fucking everywhere
>made me feel sick, couldn't eat any more of it.
>didn't know where the trashcan was, also didn't want to throw a whole brat away right in front of them either
>wasting food is bad
>sat outside until everyone else went inside
>hid the uneaten brat in their bushes
>>
>>7566765
That's a bit young to be playing Hide The Sausage.
>>
I spent most of my 8th grade year eating lunch in a secluded bathroom that was never used. It began as an experiment to see if anyone would notice my absence in the cafeteria. No one ever did, so I figured the bathroom was where I deserved to eat.
>>
Well one time I turned my oven on to make fish and little did I know my 3 year old nephew hid look aid jammer way in the back of it, so I didn't see it until it was done preheating.

Wish I took a picture, a purple gak like substance was rushing out of it but there wasn't any smoke or anything. Just looked like a weird science experiment.

I haven't had many unfortunate happenings in the kitchen other than that thankfully.

Oh wait, one time I passed out on a lit stove.

My buddy was making ramen and told me it was ready, my dumbass jumped up after a hit from the bong and sitting down in a couch for too long.


That's pretty dumb, but when it comes to food I'm preparing I can be trusted.
>>
>>7566787
Aw that's sad I feel for you anon.

My freshmen year my anxiety was too bad to sit anywhere on the one day I had lunch scheduled with absolutely no one I knew.

So I'd sneak down near the detention hall in the basement usually with a soft pretzel.
>>
>>7566789
I tried to spell kool and my phone said nah you meant look haha I'm baked.
>>
>>7566789
>little did I know my 3 year old nephew hid look aid jammer way in the back of it
Most autistic story in this thread so far.
>>
>>7566773
kek.
>>
>>7566793
So that means I win
>>
>>7566787

Me too. I got sent to a high school separate from all my friends because parents were like: "lol, it's closer. fuck you." I spent my lunches alone under an underpass or in a forest nearby.
>>
>>7563511
>gag
>he doesn't grow his own pizzas
>>
>>7566218
bacon is a form of cured pork, it's safe to eat raw.
Not only that, but food poisoning takes ~20 or so hours to set in.
>>
>>7566885
Stop spreading bullshit. Food poisoning actually takes 300 days to set in.
>>
>home alone
>told family I'd cook myself a pasta
>actually buy McDonald's
>guilt trip hard just after
>hide part of the raw pasta we had in a plastic bag inside a drawer in my room
>forget it for months until I take it out and simply cook it one day
>>
>Be 12
>Family is out shopping
>Decide to be cool and cook dinner for them
>Get bag of frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts from freezer
>Start cooking.
>Wtf are these white streaks
>Why is the food turning white
>Throw away the entire half-cooked bag because I thought something was wrong it with it.
>Family gets home, wonders why all the chicken is in the garbage.
>Tell them it started turning white.
>They call me a dumb dummy.
>They got dinner while they were out anyway.
>>
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>making mashed potatoes
>boil my potatoes for too long
>they're mushy as hell
>decide to not let it go to waste
>put them into a pot
>pour milk
>too much milk
>mashed potatoes have essentially become soup even after I cook it for 20 minutes
>throw some steamed vegetables in to try to salvage it
>tastes awful
>pour bbq sauce on it
>realize I'm a moron
>throw it all in the trash
>>
>>7566707
>He makes mountains out of formal dinners.

I first I thought you meant he makes heaps of money cooking formal dinners. Then that became less and less realistic.
>>
>>7566988
The problem wasn't from overcooking potatoes.
Maybe you got the wrong type of potatoes (you need less starchy ones for purée and more starchy for oven/deep frying, iirc)
>>
eat food I know I dont like

I dont like this food

spit it out
>>
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When I eat sandwiches. I cannot finish the last corner bites

Pic related of my lunch
>>
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>>7567192
Whenever I have a burger or something I usually leave a bite left like that and throw it away.
Murrica.
>>
>>7561995
>be 38
>mom of autistic child
>regularly find burnt pizzas when gardening
>son doesn't realize we know all the weird autistic shit he does
>>
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>>7562213
underrated post
>>
>>7565937
aww, your mom got what you were trying to do.
>>
>>7566712
Well, I for one, don't mind. So long as there aren't too many. Then it'd sound like the comments in a jewbook post.
>>
>>7562444
aww i hated it when your supposed bros would gang up on you around other people.
>>
>>7566589
http://www.theguardian.com/film/2011/oct/09/joyce-vincent-death-mystery-documentary

It'll be interesting to read your story too, Anon
>>
not me but neighbor kid
>parents at work
>older sister supposed to be watching younger siblings
>shes not
>youngest kid decides he wants food
>tries to heat up a frozen burrito on the stove
>highest heat
>starts smoking
>he panics
>throws pan and burrito in the closet
>goes back to playing video games
>house catches on fire
>>
I brewed a pot of coffee and forgot to put water in it.
Then I accused my family of stealing my coffee.
>>
>>7567486
You sound like my grandmother when she had dementia.
>>
>>7567496
I just wanted my coffee, man.
>>
>>7567486
>that first line
eh, not so bad. i once forgot to put the coffee in the machine and ended with a pot of slightly dirty brown water
>that second line
my fucking sides
>>
>be me
>at home for spring break
>older sister wants me to babysit her 1 year old daughter
>nothing else to do, might as well
>chilling at her place, just watching TV while the baby sleeps
>get kind of hungry
>decide to look in the fridge
>home-made mac and cheese leftovers just sitting there
>my sister makes the fucking best mac and cheese
>decide to grab a plate and eat about half of what's left
>so delicious, as good as I remembered
>a few more hours go by
>sister comes home, notices that most of the mac is gone
>"Did you feed her this much macaroni? That's way too much!"
>nervously laugh and pretend that I didn't realize how much the baby should eat
>"You know anon, this wasn't easy to make. I used my own breastmilk in the recipe"
>almost vomit right there on the spot

It's been a few weeks since the incident but I still can't stop thinking about it.
>>
>>7567527
That's actually kinda hot.
Is your sister attractive?
>>
>>7567527
>idontbelieveyou.gif
also, i saw the ending coming
>>
>put cereal in bowl
>put under tap
>fill with water
>realize what I've done
>>
>>7562006
newman's own is pure
don't even try to shit on it
>>
>>7567527
This reminds me
>be small kid, just transitioning to real food
>mom must go to work, tells dad to feed me a little mashed apple
>dad grabs a glass of carrot blend instead for some recipe
>gives me it all and I love it
>mom gets angry
>>
>>7567583
no it isn't shill
>>
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>>7561995
Got drunk had soup, threw up in my sleep all over bed and floor
>>
>>7561995
My dad was really angry one night and accidentally burnt the burger he made me to point of being almost inedible. I didn't want him to see me walking out with it to throw it away, or him coming in to see that I didn't eat it, so I threw it on the roof.
>>
>>7567680
so your dad's the autist?
>>
>>7567815
Kind of. He said he thought the carrots would make me less spoiled but I suspect he mixed up the two things and doesn't want to admit it even after 25 years kek
>>
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>>7565835
>I also found this site
Stop trying to shill your own shit.
>>
I made pulled pork in a slow cooker, and I didn't realize the pot thing was super hot when I picked it up. I dropped it on the floor and the greasy juice shit spilled everywhere. My roommate saw me do it and I was really embarrassed, so I tried to be funny by shouting "IF IT STICKS TO THE WALL IT'S DONE" and throwing the pulled pork at the wall. It exploded everywhere and he got mad at me and didn't think it was funny at all. I spent about 2 hours cleaning the kitchen. I have legit diagnosed autism obviously.
>>
>>7568003
that's a solid joke desu, i'd laugh
>>
>>7565997
They have special supervised living centers where autists can live. It's like pseudo-independent living, can be really good for them.

http://www.thearc.org/
>>
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>>7566773
>>
>>7565937
Unless you're omitting something huge in that story, it's your family that is autistic.
>>
>>7565937
Dude your family sounds like a bunch of dicks.
>>
>>7567192
>>7567205

In my country I do it only when a greedy merchant put too few stuff on the snack/sandwich to make more profit so I get tired of eating pure dough/bread for long. Or a simple-minded migrant from Noth(east) Region or Rio de Janeiro who has little clue of what a sandwich (or anything) is.

Brazil.
>>
>>7562211
>started crying

kek'd
>>
>>7566789
>>7566792
DUDE
WEED
LMAO
>>
>>7568003

TOP KEK
>>
As a kid I would only eat rice with nutella. Looking back on it it wasn't even that bad, I should try it again.
Also I used to hate (and still mostly do) every single kind of cheese, so when we had pizza I would order the basic one, remove all the topping and only eat crust and tomato sauce.
>>
>>7568222
childhood friend of mine always ordered his pizza without cheese and wouldn´t eat cheese in general. i´m not a cheese addict and wouldn´t eat a piece of bread with only butter and cheese, but not eating cheese as ingredient in meals is really weird to me
>>
>>7568252
I'm French and I used to be a massively picky eater. I despised cheese more than anything else, but my schoolteachers always made me eat it at lunch. One time I threw a fit and my mom had to go and tell these oblivious teachers not to make me eat cheese ever again.
I think that's the main reason why as of today, any kind of "raw" cheese disgusts me. I'm okay with mozarella, pamesan and gruyère but that's about it.
>>
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>>7567317
>I just want to smear this all over me
>>
When I was five I poured a bottle of cola into a bowl of cheese popcorn and ate it like cereal.
>>
>be in like 2nd grade
>we have tea in styrofoam cups at lunch at school
>sitting next to girl
>I think she made my pee-pee happy
>decide to impress her by acting like I'm throwing my tea on her
>was just going to go through the motion
>oh wait, that motion actually does throw tea upon a target
>I just fucking threw tea on some girl because I wanted to get my dick wet
>:(

I don't even remember if she was mad. That was like...18 years ago?

Sorry Alyssa.
>>
>>7568281
>these oblivious teachers
Oblivious to what, you being a picky faggot? Sounds like they knew exactly what was going on, and just wanted to appease your inept mother.
>>
>>7568281
Who gives a fuck if your french?

Also your mum sounds like a weak willed woman giving into her shit bird childs bullshit. Those teachers were trying to make you a better person. Hope they got paid off to deal with your picky ass.
>>
>>7566250
nah breh, your gf is the only retard here and she's too fucking weak willed to deal with her own mistakes. I assume you were left to clean up the mess.
>>
>>7561995
>be 7
>mom lets me make my own beakfast
>want cinnamon-sugar toast
>can't find cinnamon but find cumin
>they both start with 'c' so close enough
>tasted horrible
>get yelled at for not finishing my food
>cry and don't get to eat breakfast
>>
>>7561995
>be 13
>eat the last baked twice potato because I'm bored and stupid
>get yelled at by my Dad
>shit myself while getting yelled at
>cry and take a shame shower
>>
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>>7568449
>Mom lets you fuck up for her amusement
>yells at you for not eating your fuckup
>doesn't have an alternative prepared or let you eat more breakfast
I hope this wasn't indicative of the majority of your childhood and she was just having a rough morning anon
>>
>>7568395
cheese composes 80% to 90% of the average french child's diet
>>
what does autism even mean to this website anymore, like

i don't think you guys ever had any idea what it meant in the first place or what even constitutes autism
>>
>>7566981
honestly that's fuckin adorable anon
>>
>>7568475
>A mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts

>make a mistake
>go through great lengths to avoid having to talk to people to solve/correct/clean up
>>
>put a pyrex dish on stovetop
>notice it's turned on
>try to cool it down by pouring water on it in the sink
>it shatters in my face
>somehow don't get hit by any shard

God wanted me to live that day.
>>
>>7568509

yeah you have clearly never met anybody with actual autism, it looks really similar to mental retardation

if you're talking about "asperger syndrome" which the DSM put on the autism spectrum for some reason then really OP's behavior is less indicative of that then parents who were likely far too punishing
>>
>>7568518
>I don't understand autism is a spectrum that ranges widely in its manifestations, nor do I understand how language and words are used and appropriated into common parlance and am deeply invested in defending my pedantry

I don't know, anon, if as you claim I've never met anyone before I get the feeling I have now
>>
>>7568522

hm, i still disagree with asperger syndrome not only being under the autism umbrella but frankly existing as a "syndrome" or type of disorder at all. fuck, in the 90s they thought people diagnosed with asperger's today had ADD. i was diagnosed with both when i was kid, but my communicative abilities are just as good as, if not better, than the undiagnosed world around me. the stigma attached to "autusm" really doesn't belong with people functional enough to post on a south african bongo drumming community forum.
>>
>>7568540
to be perfectly honest I didn't know that asperger's wasn't/isn't under the autism umbrella
>>
>>7568460
my mom let me make a berry omelette

just as disgusting as it sounds, I guess I had it in my head that it was going to be like a crepe
>>
>>7568563
something is fucking wrong with me because even with you standing there telling me you know it was a bad thing from experience I still think that sounds like it could almost be good
>>
>>7568567
maybe if you had the berries on the side, but I mixed them in with the eggs

try it for yourself if you don't believe me though, it was a great learning experience
>>
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>>7562112
>>7562117

then what anon? pic related?
>>
>>7568651
What is happening here?
>>
>>7567581
That's better than what I did.
>Put bowl of Lucky Charms with milk in the freezer overnight
>Expect it to be some awesome frozen treat
>It had no taste
>Either freezing milk and cereal removes flavor or my tongue went numb
>Eat it anyway because I had no time for school
>>
Couple months ago
>fatass friend
>50% of his diet is dominos
>orders a pie one night, eats half
>wakes up next morning and reheats other half
>in the box, in the oven
>box catches fire, fire department comes
>the firemen openly laugh at my fat friend
>his apartment still smells like burnt shit
>>
>1st grade
>wanted strawberry milk
>didnt even know what the first ingredient in strawberry milk was
>didnt even know where strawberry milk comes from
>took a gallon of milk and poured it into an already full pitcher of sweet tea
>overflowed
>pitcher was on the floor because I was really small
>tea/milk combination of liquid is literally all over the floor
>tilk runs down behind the fridge
>try my best to hide all evidence, plan my run away from home
>didnt even hide it well
>"oh well itll dry"
>went to the bathroom
>took shit
>bathroom above the kitchen
>shit plumbing and shitty drywall on the ceiling made it so after I flushed a literal square of the ceiling came down and fell in the middle of the not even dry tilk/mea puddle
>there is now a hole in the ceiling, a pile of light brown liquid on the floor, and a piece of the ceiling on top of it

to make it all worse, the mea behind the fridge dried and made the house stink for months. We had rats.

dont mix tea and milk
>>
>>7563095
The absolute madman
>>
>>7567680
You have memories from before you developed language?
>>
>>7567581
This is me but with half and half. I tried to salvage it once by pouring the half and half back out of the bowl into the carton but then cereal began to spill everywhere and the half and half would not go back in cleanly.
>>
>>7568347
That's alright. They didn't serve it very hot. Are you currently available?

Bear in mind I've gained weight. I'm not fat, but am a bit chubbier than you'd remember.
>>
>>7568763
>stink for months. We had rats.
How fucking hard is it to pull out the fridge and clean? Are you parents fucking assholes or something?
>>
>>7568704
The Caddyshack chocolate in water scene, with the chocolate digitally replaced with something unidentifiable.
>>
>>7568763
>tilk
>mea
>spilling milk and letting it fester for weeks on end
Thanks for the laughs but I'm sorry for you and your family's disability
>>
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>>7561995
holy shit
>>
>>7568926
Is it Travon Martin?
>>
>>7562282?
You are female?
>>
>>7562508
You faggots are pussies I saw a gif on some board of a guy sticking a glass jar with cap up his asshole, then it shatters and blood and shards everywhere. Spitting into napkins got nothing on this shit, cunt faggots
>>
>>7562199
>>>7561995 (OP)
>>burned my dads kitchen and it took the fire department to put it out


Just be glad it didn't take a crane.
>>
>>7567527
Is this from Borat?
>>
>>7566787
could it have been possibly that people did notice but thought you had weird dietary shit going on so left it be?
>>
>Be 6 year old me
>Mom makes pasta with sauce
>I get cranky af cus sauce has slightly big pieces of onion.
>Refuse to eat it.
>Next week mom makes the same fucking sauce BUT this time she tells me that it's actually Batman Sauce
>I ate it and thought it was delicious
>It was the same fucking sauce....
>>
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>make kraft mac and cheese
>forget to boil noodles.
>stare at uncooked noodles sitting in cheese milk
>mfw
>>
>>7569412

>batman sauce
>I ate it

your mom is fucking amazing.
>>
>>7565931
>>7562216

>Badass nacho recipe
>literally just 3 packages of meat and one package of cheese.

Move over, Martha Stewart
>>
>having tacos for dinner
>second batch of meat was too spicy for me
>couldn't eat it so I stuffed the meat in my hoodie pocket and ate the tortilla
>get up and walk to the living room to tell my mom I was finished
>she sees my greasy pocket and asks why I didn't just say I didn't like it, and why I had to go announce to her I was finished eating in the first place

>>7562648
guilty
>>
>>7569412
That reminds me of when my mom got yogurt with dinosaurs on the packaging, trying to get me to eat it telling me it was "dinosaur icecream"
>>
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>>7566773
>>
>about 10-12
>for some reason my dad lets my mom make burgers for lunch
>dry as fuck
>don't eat it
>dad says finish my food
>say it's bad and dry
>ask why mom didnt finish hers when she made it bad but i do
>mom starts crying
>i have to finish the shit burger
>>
When youngin I went to golden corral with a friend and put random foods in the chocolate fondue and made a super cringy video about it. I still regret it to this day
>>
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>>7568003
>fucks up unintentionally
>thinks fucking up intentionally will fix it
Process of elimination always works I guess
>>
>>7569567
Share. Your day of internet fame may yet come.
>>
>27 years of age
>just discovered /ck/
>start to get into cooking
>cooking up a storm, all proud of myself
>flipping the serrated knife around
>lands in my leg on a missed catch.
>damn.

>still 27
>using a Rachel Ray saute pan that has a guarded handle most of the time
>new steel pan, sear a steak put it in that oven
>pull it out with bare hand..
>shit that's hot oh fuck
>say wtvr and keep pulling it out and put it on the oven
>2nd degree burns

>did the same thing as that last story a couple of months later


>21 living with parents
>getting hammered in the basement while playing WoW
>want some pasta
back then I ate it with nothing but cayenne pepper and balsamic vinaigrette.
>wake up the next morning
>dad furious
>burnt to fuck pan on the stove
completely forgot about it after I put the water on, shit was going all night.
>left the space heater on near my feet as well.
>>
>>7569589
Its really fucking cringy and you'll probably hate me. But the comments from golden corral employees are pretty funny
>as a golden corral employee I can tell you we deal with white trash people like you every day!
>>
>>7569609

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmFmTo1gchU

is this it?
>>
>>7569685
No
>>
>>7569685
fuck off idiot
>>
>>7569697

"as a golden corral employee we deal with dirty white trash people like you everyday! Grow up!!!!" is one of the comments on the video
>>
>>7569685
Retarded. But check out 7:00 where the little moron doesn't even know how to use a knife and fork!
>>
>baking cake for family
>Sister comes in and throws what I think is dirt into the bowl
>Scream and rip out the sink as usual, yelling about how I wanted to do something nice
>sister starts crying, runs away
>Mom comes in and tells me they were chocolate flakes (something the recipe called for)
I still feel bad
>>
I just smashed my head against a glass door walking out of a coffee shop. I forgot I press the button on the side and it slides out. I am so embarrassed.
>>
>>7569775
>rip out the sink as usual
>>
>>7567691
Fuck you yes it is.
>>
>>7562216
>using metric and retarded at the same time
>>
>>7562216
/anorexic/ reporting
I buy junk food just for the purpose of staring at it and when im done, i dispose of it in a secret stash so my family doesnt find out. I also used to come home from school and my mom would always expect me to serve myself the food she prepared so i just grabbed a plate, put food on it, put the food back in the pot and i would just throw the dirty dish into the sink to make it seem like i ate.

and i keep a food journal with all the calories i ate for the day
>>
>>7569865
Have you seen the first season of the UK Skins? I highly recommend it.
>>
>>7561995
Not autistic, but
>buy frozen pizza after school
>parents came home early
>bury the pizza in snow
>come back the next day, pizza still frozen
>>
>>7569069
I thought this deserved at least one (you) anon.
>>
>>7569881
No but i will look further into it
ty anon
>>
>>7569069
What's funny is that guy tries this twice.
The first time the glass shatters inside his asshole it had no lid.
Clearly the lid is what the jar needed for structural rigidity, so he tries it again with a lid.

And again it shatters inside his asshole.
>>
>>7569897
Why?
>>
I've tried putting grape jelly on steak while cooking it. It did not turn out as good as I hoped either time.
>>
>>7569890
wait why did you do that tho
>>
>aunt has 5 year old nephew (we're not blood related)
>we order pizza
>just a regular pepperoni and sausage pizza
>they cry about the toppings
>they take off the toppings
>take off the cheese
>scrape the sauce off
>just eat a pizza-less everything

They also complain that ice cream is too cold.
>>
>>7561995
>had to wash dishes for first time.
>some pots and pans had some burns on them
>couldn't scrub the burns away
>threw burnt pots and pans into the trash-can
>garbage truck hauls it away
>still ridiculed to this day
>>
>Mum makes me sandwiches for lunch one day
>Dont eat it because I didnt like cheese at they had cheese in them
>Not allowed dinner until I eat the sandwiches
>Decide to hide sandwiches behind mattresses in spare room
>2-4 weeks later Mum goes to get the mattresses for my friend and I to sleep in the lounge for a sleepover
>Finds blue and green mushrooms growing through a sandwich stuck to the wall
>>
>>7561995
>frozen thin crust pizza
>it's never actually thin
>it's usually just as thick as the normal version

fuckin faggots
>>
>>7562110
Would it not eventually cook?
>>
>>7568395
This explains why I had raw cheese at pretty much every single school meal, I'm pretty certain this isn't the case in any other coutry.
>>
>>7567192
Are you my sister?
She does the same thing every goddamned time.
>>
>>7569515
>son why are you autismal and what did I do to deserve this
>>
>>7569994
Because it was an underrated post.
>>
>>7569707
maybe they say the same thing to someone every day
>>
>made top ramen
>decided not to eat it
>pour all of the cooked noodles into the garbage disposal
>clogs
>dad has to break out tools and fix it
>"why didn't you just throw them into the trash bin, anon?"
>>
>>7570115
How?
>>
>>7568886
This is a story I was told by my parents, obviously. I barely remember elementary school.
>>
>>7569991
>tries this twice
i had enough watching one of his videos, how did you manage to sit through two?
>>
>>7566655
>>7567443
I'm alright boys. Just spring allergies. They were exceptionally bad that night, but they're Alright now
>>
>>7567581
>Be me, in highschool
>think I'm starting to get a cold
>find alkaseltzer in cupboard
>decide to put it in my cereal to cover the weird taste
>plop that fucker in there; fizzy cereal, fuck yeah.
>take a bite; salty cereal, fuck no.
>almost threw up, couldn't finish it.
>>
>>7569089
>Put a cow on the third floor
>>
>Be young me.
>Wake up at 4.am sleepy and hungry for something sweet.
>Grab closed ice-cream container from freezer.
>Not knowing how to open the lid i grab a cooking knife and start cutting the lid.
>Knife slips and hits my thumb.
>Wraps thumb with shirt to stop bleeding and goes back to sleep leaving the ice cream to melt.
>>
>>7570130
What kind of shitty garbage disposal can't even handle ramen?
>>
>>7570194
Whichever one was installed in my parents' kitchen over 15 years ago. It was also an entire package, and the clog wasn't discovered until the next day.
>>
>>7561995
Similar story
>be 10 sister is 12
>Was in kitchen with sister
>we be monkeying around
>we accidently knock down a 30 lb watermelon
>fucking busts apart
>both give each other stares of OHH SHIIT moms guna be pissed
>freak out thinking well get in trouble
>get brilliant idea of mom cant find out if we eat it all and tell her "we were really craving watermelon"
>3 pounds in we looking good
>5 pounds in we start getting full
>7-8 pounds the feeling of defeat and thinking of the ass whooping that will occur sets in
>10 punds in utter defeat we accepy our fate and wait as moms.gets home
>explain what happened and we apologize trying to nit get in trouble for breaking the watermelon
>she fucking laughs at us for the rest of the week saying were dumb to think shed be mad for breaking the watermelon
>>
>>7570139
The first time was my brother showing it me and it was "whoa gross" and we both discovered his second attempt and it had us in tears laughing that he did it again expecting a different outcome.

Think about all the scars and potential infections in his poop chute
>>
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>>7561995
>be probably about 10 or so
>for some reason was really into pretending to be a chemist
>one day found an old bottle of perfume my parents had
>it was almost empty and was made of really really thick glass
>so i place it on the kitchen stove and turn the stove on because i want it to 'boil'
>i leave it for a while and go watch TV
>obviously i completely forget about it
>huge boom is heard, thick glass shards explode everywhere in the kitchen

luckily no one was home at the time so they didnt get hurt by my DIY nailbomb. i cant remember well but i dont think my parents even noticed so i must have cleaned up really well.

on a more /ck/ related note:
>about the same age
>was really into the scooby doo cartoons
>i knew at what time they aired so before that i would always prepare those huge sandwiches that shaggy ate
>would eat them while watching the show
>would also take "notes" so that i could figure out who the guy under the mask was in each episode before they actually revealed it
>>
>be 16
>come home super drunk
>parents just got a new oven
>want a pizza
>heat up oven and put pizza in
>"I don't need an egg timer, I can feel the time it takes"
>play some video games in my room
>ah so tired, I should sleep
>wake up next morning
>go downstairs
>parents look at me weirdly
>try to figure out what's going on without asking directly
>casually wander into the kitchen
>oven window and wall above the oven is black
>oven contains powdered charcoil
>smells like arse
>sigh and start cleaning that shit up
>parents tell me later that we were lucky that they woke up from the smell and the house didn't burn down
>oven still worked, but kept smelling like arse when it was turned on for half a year
>didn't get punishment
>never made drunk pizza again
>>
>browsing ig and see post of a breakfast pizza
> oh looks good ill try that
>dont bother looking at recipes
>proceed to to put tomatoe sauce, cheese, bacon
>top it off with three raw eggs on top
>pop into oven and set to 20 min
>come back to see eggs still raw as fuck, center is wet soggy and stucl, edges are good tho
>look uo recipes eggs cooked apart
>call myself an idioit and proceed to throw my abomination away.
>>
I love you dudes, autistic or not.
>>
>>7570255
think about him going to his doctor a second time like "yeah, remember me? i dun goofed again..."
>>
>be little kid
>don't actually remember that part right but somehow I took a huge bite of butter before realizing what it was
>possibly thought it was cheese or something
>my family is around and I can't swallow it
>get to the bathroom pronto
>for some reason spit it all out into the sink instead of the toilet
>clogs up the sink
>plumber fished it out and they were really confused
>I think they didn't figure out what it was
>>
>>7568907
L-L-LONDON
>>
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I'm legit diagnosed autistic and I don't know why but I've genuinely never fucked up cooking anywhere near as bad as this thread. The worst I've done maybe is cooked meat that was slightly underdone or something, even as a kid.

I actually have no idea how this is possible because I'm pretty much borderline retarded at everything else
>>
This thread has made me question if I really want kids or not. The shit kids do when no one is around is frightening.
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>>7562282
Why would you have problems with water, if you drink too much it gets pissed out no problems.
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>>7568385

Not the French guy; but better you not having children.
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>>7562115
It's was a beautiful ogre lasagna, imperfect and layered.
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>>7569565

That's sad... :-(
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I always have to touch my chin with food before eating, it started when I was very young as I can't remember not doing it. It only has to be a light touch and I've gotten quite adept at doing it without people noticing it (or at least commenting on it). I just make sure I always have a tissue or handkerchief with me if it gets messy.

First 'date' with my girlfriend and she noticed it though, asked me why I did it, just told her it was a habit and moved on.

Only problem is I can't grow a beard as I'll get food all in it.
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>>7569881
why?
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>>7568442
Of course I didn't clean it up you autist, I told her son to.
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>>7570812
You think it's cruel to expect a child to eat what they're given? It's how children have been raised for centuries and it's good to practice discipline. I'm not saying you have to be mean to the kid, but for the mother to just give in and force the school to so so also is silly. Would you tell the school to let your kid eat chocolate instead of vegetables because not liking them is apparently akin to an allergy?
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my mum once got confused at christmas dinner and gave us all white sauce(for christmas pudding) on our turkey

>>7570407
kekked

out loud

>>7570808
the 14 words!!
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>>7569775
>i rip out the sink as usual
Hol up
HOL THE FUCK UP
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>>7571044

I think you shouldn't have children. The sequence of bitter posts directed to at least 3 posters yesterday tells me your passive-aggressive drive would harm a child personality.
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>>7562084
>bin
>>
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Before I learnt to cook I treated my mother like fucking shit. I demanded soup dinner at least twice a week and gave her this list of all soups along with my preference for chunkiness.

If she ever made a soup with the wrong chunkiness I used to throw it on the carpet. I make up for it now by cooking for her twice a week
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>>7571282
>If she ever made a soup with the wrong chunkiness I used to throw it on the carpet
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>>7571282
I'd have beaten the shit out of you after the first time
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>>7565937
You did the right thing, man. Sounds like soon as granny lost it you became the scapegoat. Your senpai sounds like assholes, but your mom sounds cool.
>>
My mom is pretty autistic when it comes to food.
She ALWAYS cuts the edges off slices of cheese.
Even if it's from one of those pre-sliced packages.
She simply refused to eat the edges because they are "dry".

Just what the fuck.
>>
>>7571392
If she hates the idea of "dry" cheese then why is she buying cheese that's pre-sliced in the first place?
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>>7571408
She's fucking lazy.
But her whole cheese-edge problem is also a thing with regular cheese that you gotta slice yourself.
Even if I remove some of the dry edges on the block of cheese and cut her a slice, she'll cut the edges of that slice.
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>>7570018
>My uncle's son
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>>7571282
>Miso soup - VERY THICK
>Onion soup - ONION TO A MINIMUM

You were an asshole
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>>7571282
>literal r9k tier child
How did your parents appease and tolerate you?
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>>7571282
>PLEASE SERVE IN MY KRUSTY KRAB BOWL
>>
>>7563511
>What is a shoop?
>>
>>7571228
who gives a fuck what you think? hint: no one in this thread but yourself.
>>
>>7561995
Lmao i did that before but instead of burying it i tossed it across the street
>>
>>7562112
Im dead you fucktard
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>>7571362
Most fathers would but this is a single mom's world today.
>>
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>have young autistic cousin
>when he comes over he either stands in front of the open fridge eating pepperoni or he prepares a "grilled cheese"
>two slices of bread and a Kraft single microwaved to perfection
>the fucking smell
>>
>>7571057
>kekked
>out loud
i´m glad somebody else found it as funny as me while i wrote it. was literally giggling for five minutes after posting it
>>
>be 6
>my brother and i want bacon but mom wont cook us any
>get great idea lets eat it raw
>pull out bacon and we start to eat the entire pound of raw bacon
>brother gets idea for "scrambled eggs" gets orange juice and eggs
>he cracks the eggs and pours orange juice in to the bowl and pulls his dick out
>starts beating the eggs with his dick says its ready and we eat the eggs
>his dick is still out and our mom comes and and asked wtf we were doing sees us eating uncooked bacon and raw eggs.
>freaks out and we get our stomachs pumped and after that we always had precooked bacon
>>
>>7562177
But poaching fish in milk is actually a thing. I don't envy whoever drinkwater shit though
>>
>>7571706
>Things that never happened.

Nice try, all bacon is precooked.
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>>7562381
The term is fasting and it's pretty common when you eat too much
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>>7563335
>wore fedora
>doesn't expect him to have a blackberry in 2006
>>
>>7571629
Damn he is right. Please don't bring your doomed spawnlings into this world
>>
>>7569460
My mom used to tell me that fish was "Chicken that you cut up"

In hindsight, that was the stupidest shit she's ever told me.
>>
>>7565937
This is the kind of weird shit adults do to children that causes "ADHD"
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>>7564373
good one anon
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>>7565944
>>7566291
>>7566684
>>7568103
>>7571378
>>7571795
wow this thread is still up
yeah that story is just one of the many reasons im so fucked up now
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>>7571652
I was raised by a single mom, she woulda beat the shit outta that kid.
She was also a first grade teacher.
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>>7563517
Yeah, it is a KNOWN human carcinogen, yet in america, they insist on using styrofoam for all kinds of hot and acidic shit.
Probably some kind of eugenics thing to kill off all the obese retards who drink soda
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>>7570912
do you have any other symptoms of OCD or just this one? keep a watch on that shit in case something more dangerous manifests
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>>7564805
People deserve to be ruled over by hyperwealthy capitalist oligarchs if they are that fucking retarded.
"Bwell if it wuz bad they woddent let it make it legal!!:)"
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>>7570253
>she fucking laughs
your mom must be cool
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>>7570318
the scooby thing isn't autistic, it's just a kid being adorable.
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>making a cake
>don't have any can frosting so i have to make my own
>eight sticks of butter and 2 pounds of confectioners sugar later i'm left with a huge bowl of brown sludge with butter chunks floating in it
>too late to back out now
>frost the cake and put it in the fridge
>check on it a few hours later
>the frosting had started sliding off and spewing over the plate
>grab a bar of chocolate and break it up, stick it over the top
>give it to my friend for his birthday
>mfw he ate the whole thing.
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>>7571282
Crab Bisque - VERY CHUNKY, PLEASE SERVE IN MY KRUSTY KRAB BOWL
How old were you, just curious.
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>>7570912
Hey Robert
>>
Me, at 6
>watching powerrangers
>take a flinstones chewable vitamin
>get it in my head that vitamins make people strong, so if I take enough of them...
>maybe i'll become a powerranger
>poison control

Still never became a powerranger

My ex gf, at 23
>hungry in the morning
>wants toast
>takes slice of white bread, puts it in toaster oven
>probably at 400 degrees for about 3 minutes
>makes a blackened cinder of bread

To be fair, it doesn't make sense you can't make toast in a toaster oven
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>>7572196
>To be fair, it doesn't make sense you can't make toast in a toaster oven

If you think this there has to be a lot more blunders you're not sharing
>>
One of my brothers is kinda autistic sometimes.

>Be him like 20 years ago, 10 years at the time.
>First time having microwave.
>He wants to soften some bread that was purchased on the morning and was getting hard.
>We all tell him that 20 seconds should do it.
>He puts it in.
>At like 1-2 minutes we start smelling something burning...
>He had put it in for 3 minutes because "he didn't think 20 seconds were enough, we were bsing".
>>
>>7572421
And there's one of my own.

>Be like 10 years old me.
>Dad's not comming home today and I can watch TV until late.
>Watch TV and get hungry. Go to kitchen. Only "chicharrones" (Pork rind) to eat. Eat some.
>Shit is tasty but salty. So I grab some water.
>Continue watching movie, grab some more food and water on EVERY commercial cut.
>End up eating lots of grease with salt and water basically.
>Next day, can't move. Terrible stomach pain from the moment I woke up until like 4 pm. Now that I think of it, that shit could have been very serious.
>>
>>7561995
I can't even imagine the thought process behind that.
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>>7561995
ate an entire burned cake once, i ripped the box up into little shreds and mixed it in with the normal kitchen trash.

house probably smelled like freshly baked chocolate cake lel.
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>>7572894
you must've not had hypercritical parents then.
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>>7561995
My boyfriend once added two cups of flour instead of two tbsp into homemade macaroni
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>>7572093
28
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>>7570368
What? Why didn't the eggs cook after 20 minutes in the oven? I put raw egg on pizza all the time and it cooks just fine.
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>>7573397
I had to think about it for a bit
for me, a quiche takes around 45 minutes to cook
at the same temperature, a pizza would be done in 15 minutes
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>>7561995
This reminds me of the neighbor's boy when he was a kid. The brat burnt a pizza to char and then just threw it up onto our patio. Damned if I know why.
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>>7569775
If you rip out that sink, I'm leaving you, Anon.
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>>7573208
how old was he
>>
The first years grandma was living in Brazil after leaving Germany due to WW-2, she used to make some mistakes for not knowing well some fruits we have here.

> Eating papaya's seeds.
> Slicing persimmon with a knife instead of simply peeling its skin (which is so damn easy to remove as a banana one).
> Buying persimmons thinking they are "Brazilian tomatoes" and putting them on salad - in slices!
>>
buuuuump
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