Riddle me this, gulls; What's the proper etiquette for

imo, using proper terms and complementing specific things is a good way of letting people know you're not being a creep. Like "I like your coord" or "I like what you did with that print". Keept it about the fashion and not her.

Also, and this applies to almost everyone not just lolitas, don't bother people that don't what to be bothered.

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Well obviously.

But I think it's safe to say that someone didn't dress up like a Victorian China doll to not attract attention. In some weird way, whenever you see someone in an Angelic Pretty dress, or with a giant pink wig, or a Voltron costume, or enormous rhinestone ear guages, s/he did that for you. I would just like them to know that I appreciate the trouble.

>>9329287
Okay now you're making it weird

>>9329287
>, s/he did that for you

I take back what I said. Please don't talk to lolitas.

Just say you like the outfit/coord/dress without getting way too much into detail, and don't get too close into their personal space.

Also know when it's better to leave, if a girl looks a bit uncomfortable it's better to take some distance and leave. Most of the time it's not about how old you are, it's mostly about the girl/boy not really knowing how to deal with strangers. Especially if they are young.

So in short, just basic human desency. If you want to, you could use a little bit of lolita lingo or type of conversation (I really like your coord, which brand is it?) if you want to show you aren't a complete stranger in the fashion. Just don't overdo it.

>s/he did that for you

Please leave and never return

>>9329276
If you mention you saw it when you were there for work, that would instantly clear up any misunderstanding about you being a creep unless they were really young and don't understand normal social behavior or are wary of stranger danger. Then again, some lolitas can be standoffish and unfriendly just like regular people.

What exactly did you say? Just wondering what prompted that response.

>>9329287
>s/he did that for you
bitch, I hate people.

I put this shit on because it was fun and then was forced to leave my home to survive. I'd much rather you not exist and let me wear my frills in a post apocalyptic wasteland where it's finally quiet

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>>9329392
the realest post ITT

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>>9329287
>if she dressed up like that she clearly wants attention and does it for me!1!

>>9329392
this exactly.
But god forbid we wear something for *gasp* ourselves.

People who are full of themselves will always think someone dresses nicely or differently than the norm is looking for attention, usually from the opposite sex. That'll never change, so just keep doing you and enjoy your frills.

>>9329287
>thinking I spent $500 on a dress for you
honey if I wanted your attention that badly I'd just pay you for a quick fuck, gimme a break

>>9329276
If you say something along the lines of "wow, I can tell you put a lot of effort into your outfit and I wanted to let you know it looks great. have a nice day" I can't imagine how anyone would misconstrue that as creepy. It's all about the way you phrase it and making sure she's not obviously in the middle of something.

Well this thread seemed well-intended, but then the whole "s/he did that for you" bit has me thinking OP is an innate creep.

Sorry buddy, some people are just like that, and boy does it come across. I mean 99% of the time we don't even *want* any damn compliments from strangers. Plus now I'm looking at the "*I* used to work in Japan so *I* need them to know *I'M* actually knowledgeable and not a creep and *I* like the little show they've put on for *ME*!" way you talk and... just... no. You've made this so much about you, there's no way to salvage it.

Fuck, some of my fave compliments were just big normie dudes saying "You look awesome!" as they walk past. Genuine, quick, not awkward or cringey. What's to learn?

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>>9329372
I didn't say a thing. I've never bothered anyone dressed up. Ive never asked to take a picture of anyone in costume. I don't go to conventions or other events. that has its own etiquette I'm sure, but I'm not interested in experiencing that sub culture at all.

I'm talking about people who dress jfash or Lolita or some other over the top way and then stroll around downtown.

Sometimes they go in groups and are having fun. Sometimes it's just one girl who has a look on her face like "why am I doing this?" That person should clearly be left alone because you can see that they're struggling internally with the question;

>Am I kawaii or do I just look like an idiot?

My point is; Do you appreciate knowing that others appreciate the work you put in to your looks or not?

this is clearly a troll thread, move on

>>9329667
I'm pretty sure that the "s/he did that for you" was not OP, anon. I personally don't know why everyone gets SO offended when this thought is brought up, but that's just me.

Ehh this thread is a little pointless but not too bad. Fuck, there is girls that think people looking at them for a second is creepy, so it's not completely in left field. Some people don't know how to socially interact. One time at a convention you should be able to see this in action.

Anyway, I'm with everyone else, advice wise. Make the compliment short and optionally slightly knowledgeable, but don't go overboard. Going "I like your coord/ outfit" is enough to get the point across and leaves most lolita's on a slightly happier note, provided they are not in the middle of something. Only take up a couple of seconds of their time, just like if you were to compliment any other stranger's outfit.

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Thanks for the replies and the discussion.

But. Let’s try this again because clearly we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. Let me explain.

There are two main reasons for fashion choices. If you’ve ever spent any time in Asia, you know that Asian youth fashion has one clear message;

“LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! OH PLEASE, PLEASE LOOK AT ME! I’M SO SO CUTE AND SO SO DIFFERENT! LOOK AT ME!”

This is particularly true in China now a days, and nearly as true in Korea but somewhat less true in Japan, though you can still see it from time to time. Meeting Lolitas is not a daily event in say, Nagoya. This type of fashion is worn in Asia to attract attention. Please don’t believe that Lolita fashion was started for any other reason. Neither was Punk. Punk was a rebellion and a shallow one at that.

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In the West, I assume it’s different. Sometimes, people wear something to signal their identify as part of a group, or to drive the aesthetic they like. Since our culture is less conformist on the whole (unless your British), fashion, even extreme fashion, is sometimes a type of conformity rather than a type of individuality.

Now, let’s get to the point that pissed everyone off.

Extreme fashion statements *can be* something we do for others. When Michael Jackson fucked up his face or when Lady Gaga wears those dopey chicken high-heels, that’s something they’ve done *for you*. They did that so you could see a certain aesthetic and appreciate it. It’s part of their celebrity. They certainly were already famous before they went over the top like that. You think Kiss or Gwar wear that bullshit because it makes them feel beautiful? They do it for your experience. They throw their creativity into the world, sometimes into your face, and hope it’s a better place because of it. Also because that kind of gimmick attracts attention and makes them rich.

But sometimes extreme fashion statements are only to get noticed (like in Asia they usually are). You can see it on the Youtube videos titled “Cosplaying Lynn Minmei in Public” or some such bullshit. They’re clearly doing something for the attention and it’s obvious they are fetishizing the experience in the most immature way possible. I’m assuming they want to be noticed, but they may or may not want to be approached about it because shocking the normies is part of the experience. Like the scene kids of 5 years ago who would go online and essentially whine, “OMG, why was everyone at the mall today staring at my neon feathered wolf hair? Can’t they just leave me alone?” This type of shit goes back to the codpiece so it’s really nothing new. I’d guess 1500s emos would lament, “Whyfore doth every personage I encoutnereth must verily stare at myeth purple sequined genitals?”

OP these are bad posts and an overall bad thread. It is bad and you should feel bad.

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So, tldr: You’re dressed like a flashing billboard and have wandered into public. You would have to border on a nonfunctional level of spergness to not realize that people are noticing you because of it.

CASE 1: I assume the message you’re sending to the world is, “This is my aesthetic. Isn’t it pretty? Shouldn’t we have more of this? What do you think?” In which case you’re essentially wearing it for others.

Alternatively, there are two options:

CASE 2: You’re fetishizing the attention and experience of being noticed. This is why people wear sequined shoes and over-the-top prints in Shanghai. It’s certainly part of human nature and it’s nothing to be ashamed of but I really just don’t get that vibe from this board.

CASE 3: You’re on your way to a meet up and simply are dressed up on the way from point A to point B. You may very well be embarrassed to be outside dressed like a doll, terrified of people judging you, and just want to get to your friend’s place without trouble.

My question was; Case 1 or case 3, should and if so how, should someone communicate that we appreciate the hard work you’ve put in to your look and we think it looks cool.

Case 2, meh… You’ll grow up eventually. I just feel bad for you because of youtube and Facebook. Thank goodness there wasn’t social media in my goth days in the 90s.

>Hey, that's a nice dress, is it AP?
Works. every. time.

>>9329866
Dude, you're overthinking this. A quick compliment is fine in all situations.

>>9329878
Only if the dress is actually AP though.

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>>9329883
It's fun to discuss things, right? What's the point of going to a mongolian hair weaving form if we don't spend some time discussing the intricacies of mongolian hair weaving?

>>9329899
Well yeah, you can usually tell from knowledge you pick up just by reading ceeg, especially for some of the more popular/common dresses

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>>9329292
>>9329324
>>9329392
>>9329503
>>9329537
>>9329539

Incidentally, I think you guys are really missing the point.

Especially this one:
>>9329392
This one is a Case 2 all day.

Obviously no one is implying that you would wear a dress for them *personally*. But fashion like art is about expression. And expression is a form of communication. Are you really implying that all of this is just screaming into the void?

Or maybe you haven't really considered why you do it?

>"I dress like a tilt-a-whirl and then wander around all day because it's empowering."

Really then why?

>>9329953

The first post pointed out that some people DO want to be left alone. If someone is eating, with their friends, on their phone, reading a book, or with their earphones on? You can bet they're not looking to "communicate."

>>9329953
I dress like a tilt-a-whirl and proceed to sit inside my house the entire day snacking and watching TV. Yes, I guess I am screaming into the void if that's how you like to put it. That's the weekends, it just so happens I have to go out during the week also wearing fashion.

Also, people have an interest in fashion. Some people are into fashion at the same level Billy Bob likes to go fish on a Sunday afternoon. I like looking at fun fashion. I like painting nails. I love doing hair. I gain great enjoyment personally out of indulging in such things. It's as much a hobby as anything I collect. It just brings personal satisfaction and enjoyment. Some people just love fashion.

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>>9329966
Fair answer. Much appreciated.

When you create a look or etc, I'm guessing you're satisfied to experience it yourself. But do you prefer to share it? Is it part of the experience?

You certainly could fish alone. But it's also fun to brag about the big fish you caught.

OP you sound kind of creepy

is it really that hard to believe some people wear the fashion for themselves and not for the approval or attention of autists like you?

>>9329980
It would be silly to drop hundreds (in some cases, thousands) upon clothing only to not wear the clothing. I wouldn't say sharing it is entirely important considering you are talking about people who will wear it alone with nobody around. The enjoyment comes from shopping for new outfits, the satisfaction of attaining items one wants, and the fun of putting together outfits. It's very much solely a personal thing. Also, remember for many that their outfits are second nature. It's their own skin. They don't notice the attention because they are oblivious and inattentive to the fact their hobby may be strange.

It is fun to share to others where they themselves can buy the clothing if asked, but the satisfaction is the same whether 0 people compliment an outfit or 100 people compliment an outfit in public settings. Even then, it's not sharing about it because you are excited someone thinks you 'look good'. It's all about the clothing, the clothing is the main attraction. Not the person. The fun is talking to people about fashion as a hobby, not the way that person looks that particular day physically. That's my say.

>>9329276
Hey my man, don't feel weird, just don't be a creep. Compliment the outfit, or even something specific about the outfit like the print or the lace

>>9329989
I think some people do have problems relating fashion to other hobbies such as figure collecting, sports, or even simple fishing. I guess it's because of how it looks, or because many do dress outlandish in some form of teenage/young adult rebellion. I guess it is hard for them to realize some people just find it enjoyable and interesting as opposed to trying to make some sort of statement.

I mean, I've had people say weird things. One 40-some year old guy at the cash register line randomly told me he knew why people dressed weird. He went on to explain that he acted out with his appearance because his parents never gave him enough attention. I didn't know what else to say other then, 'Well, my family was very loving, I'm sorry you had a bad childhood and felt the need to react that way.'

I don't think it was the answer that man was looking for.

>>9329866
Well I mean yeah this is exactly why I wear lolita. At least 25% of the reason I wear it is because I enjoy the attention.

Also, just like /cgl/, a fishing dude isn't going to really get much enjoyment talking about his fish to the elderly lady sitting next to him at the office. He's going to talk about it to his fishing buddies. Equally so, people into Japanese fashion are going to talk about it primary to other people into Japanese fashion. Otherwise, it's not any fun at all. Your fish talk means nothing if the person doesn't know how fresh tuna differs from what came in the can.

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>>9329990
My wife is fashion crazy and enjoys everything you mention. She'll get an idea in a magazine and then try to duplicate th look or decide that she wants this or that trend and then chase it down. She is crazy for normie-burando (Chanel, Hermes, and even some pop brands like Kate Spade). I once asked her if she thought JFash was cool (she did live in Japan after all), but she just assumes those people are 変態.

To her, being seen in your clothes is always a big part of it. She often laments that she doesn't have enough opportunities wear these things because there are only two weekend days. The shopping and outfit making and such is for her, no question. But she definitely likes to be pretty in public. She wouldn't say no to a complement. But she's not 22 or taking any fashion risks either.

>>9330025
She likely has her favorite pieces that she wears at home although they may not be Hermes or Chanel. This is where it gets tricky because the prices of Hermes and Chanel products far outweighs the cost of even the more popular prints in brand. Sometime when it comes to those brands, that's about status symbol outside couture.

If you purchase an item as a status symbol, part of the appeal is carrying it around because every women almost will know, "Oh, that's a Hermes, that's really nice." When you see top designers and it is authentic, it is often meant as a status symbol because of the strangely high price. No, there's no real reason that leather bag should cost so much, but it does. By owning it, you send a message to everyone, "I can afford a bag from Hermes."

When I said hundreds to thousands, I meant for a complete wardrobe, not for a single item. Not that's there's anything wrong with fashion as a status symbol; I'm just pointing out a Hermes bag or Louboutin shoes might be a different matter then a dress from AP or a Listen Flavor shirt.

>>9330025
It's compliment dude, not complement. Complement means something else

Just letting you know because you've messed it up a couple times

Sage, but I want to say Louboutin may have not been the best example for me to mention. A lot of Louboutin's customers do truly enjoy the unique design of his shoes alongside the fact free shoe maintenance for life. Hermes and Chanel are definitely two brands that often fall under status though, especially when it comes to handbags. Chanel does come out with some cute clothing articles, but anything you see plastered with the brand logo is often for status.

>>9329878
>>9329899
If you genuinely don't know enough about the fashion to do more than name-drop Angelic Pretty, you're better off not mentioning it at all. The point of bringing up a brand is to make it seem like you know what you're talking about in case they want to engage you in discussion, if all you know about lolita is that it's a thing people wear you're better off just saying, "I like your outfit!"

"I like your outfit!" is the best thing to say if you're a normie, since it's not got the risk of offending people that "I like your costume!" does but it also doesn't make you sound like you're genuinely invested in lolita/jfash like "I like your coord!" would.

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>>9330058
Autocorrect is ducking rediculous.

>>9330054
>If you purchase an item as a status symbol, part of the appeal is carrying it around because every women almost will know, "Oh, that's a Hermes, that's really nice." When you see top designers and it is authentic, it is often meant as a status symbol because of the strangely high price. No, there's no real reason that leather bag should cost so much, but it does. By owning it, you send a message to everyone, "I can afford a bag from Hermes."
One of the strange things to me about women who are into designer stuff as a status symbol is that they seem to massively overestimate how good other women are at recognising designer items, maybe because all of their social circle cares about this stuff so they assume everyone else does too. I honestly can't tell whether a bag or other item is designer unless it's got a massive fuck-off logo on it, and even then I tend to assume it's a fake unless I know the person is very rich. Some people get weirdly offended that you didn't immediately realise their heels were worth $500.

Lolita items can be used as a status symbol, but it only usually impresses other people within the fashion. To an outsider, Cats Tea Party and Dolly Cat might as well be the same dress.

>>9330095
The occasion definitely matters. I'm not likely to assume a Hermes bag is a real bag if I see it on somebody walking around the grocery store. I just don't expect people to carry 4,000+ dollar bags around the grocery store. I also do not have the eye to discern between an authentic product and a replica. Plus, I live in a poor area, barely anyone owns real products.

It has a lot to do with their circles. However, in the right situation, that bag can be very important. Also, it's good for networking with other wealthy people. I might not realize that bag cost 4,000 or more dollars, but somebody else in that class might recognize it. It's important to have at galas, auctions, ritzy business parties, and events that the elite would attend. I could see somebody being a little upset if those events aren't common place to wear such items.

>>9330103
Even at that sort of social occasion, it can just make you look noveau riche. You sound like you are/were living in Asia and conspicuous consumption is huge in China, but depending on where you are it can just come off as tacky (worked in HK for a while and status items are popular there, but a lot of the really rich people I met dressed worse than the middle class).

>>9330113
Nah, I live in the U.S. south, not HK. Many people here think the definition of rich is middle class; they don't always dress nice. I've only met a few truly wealthy families, and they all loved their designer goods. (When you work in a high end salon, you meet people you would otherwise never, ever meet.) Here the wealthy very much have that... I hate to say it, almost plantation style appeal going on, and they are dressed to impress. To them, Chanel and Hermes are classic. Prada is also well loved. This isn't the place you can just go and purchase a bag in-stores, you are either traveling out of town or ordering online.