Can we have a /resume lies/ thread? I know you fuckers aren't

>>3506470

Said my GPA was 3.9 when it was only 3.88

>>3506506
was it worth the risk?

As a general recommendation, you can learn the basics of any programming in 2 months and so you can stretch your knowledge claims quite a bit in that regard.

>>3506470
Always say you run a business reselling something online. Golf clubs, shoes, fidget spinners whatever. It makes you look like a go getter.

>>3506526
Maybe for some codemonkey shit.

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>>3506470
Made up some shit that I said I did at previous companies, mostly project management and leadership related. There would be no way to check because it would be practically impossible to check unless they talked to my actual managers, all of which were no longer with the company (super high turnover).
How to do it? Basically it has to be believable for the position and you just can't make it up on the fly. Be prepared to talk for a few minutes about what you did using the STAR interview question format. So tell yourself the story of your lie over and over until you believe it too. Know about difficulties you had accomplishing it and any personnel problems in the process.
Basically don't be autistic.

>>3506588
I've done this but with lower tier jobs, which equally provided me with low tier jobs.

How do I know when too much is too much?

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Had a friend who lied about being a professional web developer, copied someone else's portfolio and lied to friends to get them to vouch as being an employee for a non existent company.

Friend lied about having a college degree, they never checked.

The company hired him as a contractor making $35 an hour at one of the biggest insurance companies in the USA.

They even paid $3,000 so he could relocate to Texas.

He falsified time sheets for 2 months.... they finally caught on (after 2 months) and fired him.

A few weeks later, they asked him for all of his pay back. He said fuck off, they said they would sue him for over 10k... he said come and get it.. and they never sued him and he never heard from them again.

Now my friend lives out of a car. He's burned all of the bridges in his life. It sucks, if he would have locked down on that job and learned how to be a good designer, he could have created a nice career for himself.

>>3506658
Advise him to first fix being an asshole.
I don't even mean that in a particular mean way. I'm 90% sure he doesn't like himself at all.

>>3506514
kekd
>>3506658
Was he good at the job?

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>>3506631
When it doesn't make sense that you'd be doing the thing you lied about. Keep it kind of simple:
situation: "I was at my job doing thing, and I noticed that anoyhing thing kept happening that was causing problem with x (or seemed really inefficient doing y).
Task: must fix the thing
Action: after brainstorming I took idea z to my manager, and she agreed that it would probably solve the problem. I decided to setup a meeting with managers bob, sue, and joe where we discussed costs, alternatives, timeframes
Result: after being ducking awesome and proactive I solved the problem which resulted in x amount of time being saved every day, based on maths.

>>3506470
I got fired from my last job and by some miracle got offered an even better job about a week and a half later. My friends and family don't know that I got fired and I never intend to tell them.

>>3506895
I understand but I mean im only 22 so it's super hard to lie about this stuff unless I also lie about education.

Is saying I dropped out or took a break off University for a year okay?

had a year gap on my resume - said I traveled the world and shit, just have a few good stories and make sure you rehearse

>>3507020
Sure. They'll ask why do just say you had to help your family member thru an illness or something.

>>3506470
I put that I have been working as a consultant for the past 2 years, but in that time span I've done only 3 gigs. Longest one was only a month and a half.

>>3507020
What were you studying and what kind of job is it?

>>3507178
>>3507247
Sorry I never went to University. I just meant could I lie and say I dropped out to slightly buff my resume? Just seems like it'd make me more normal and well rounded.

My friend lied about his health care experience when he was applying to medical schools. I was laughing my add off when he showed me that he went on a 2 week medical mission trip to Haiti every year for the past 3 years.

He also increased his work hours as a cna. He said he was working 30 hours a week instead of 20. Still got into a decent school.

>>3507443
Lmao

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>>3506470
>>3506470
Lied my way into a 70k year job by telling them I had experience in ABB symphony technology (automation program)

>Be me, 21 year old son of a Mexican immigrant
>Legitimately taking your jobs
>Anchorbaby.jpeg
>Recently was laid off from previous employer because "Muh god told me to move our company to Idaho"
>Oldfag didn't like paying California workman's comp insurance.
>WWJD.exe
>Been unemployed for 1 month, eating totinos and playing vidya
>See ad for a processing plant in my area on caljobs website
>Ad says looking for someone experienced in ABB symphony technology and proficient with computers
>I'm really good with cpus
>Google ABB symphony, read pdf for 1 hour.
>e-mail resume and lie about knowing the ABB program.
>Hiring Manager buys it, asks me to come in for an interview.
>I'm attractive and charming.
>HaloEffect.png
>Go into interview with level 99 Narcissistic personality disorder flaring.
>Two grown geriatric men are questioning me about what I know.
>Immediately can tell they don't know what ABB is they are just managers who like to play golf too much and talk about their favorite flavor of whiskey.
>Lie out of my teeth about my experience w/automation and my non-existent college degree in comp sci.
>Hired immediately, 70k/year Salary, Gas card, 401k 10% Salary Contribution match immediately, quarterly bonus's equal 3% of your income.
>Learn everything I needed to know in 3 weeks, still work there today.
>Always contributed the max, 3-5% raise every year depending on production.
>Own 5 bedroom house, rent all 4 rooms out except one I live in
>ScroogeMcduck.mp4
>Positive cash flow, friends ask me how I did it
>I lied, I fucking lied I tell them.
>Google*(wit+charm)
>Comfy as fuck, gonna retire at 40 cause I can.
>Trade crypto for fun, no big account, just 2btc
>Fianceis a 10/10 blonde bombshell.
Life is good good guys
>College is a meme. Have fun with all that debt and lack of charm and wit.

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>>3507020
You lack wit and charm amigo. Dress nice when you go into an interview and buy a pair of Prada shades, wear a tie and a black suit. Walk in and fucking shit all over them.
There is no better method.

Just don't do it in a hospital (obviously)

>>3508331
how did you get a 10/10

>>3508396
Teach me hombre

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>>3508407
I'm charming, attractive, I can dance, and I dress nice.
I'm not super fit, I definitely checked "average" on my shit OKstupid account I had for a while.

I met her on the street when I was walking.
She saw me dancing at the EDM bar I was walking out of. I didn't even notice her cause inside, I was too busy being a drunken dancing fool.

I told her on our first date I didn't care if she liked me cause I was gonna be fine with or without her, but that I liked her company.

>NiagraFallsOverHerThong.gif

>>3508331
>Things that never happened

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>>3508524
Not gonna post proof,
kys

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>>3508577
dubs of truth. also
>>3508479
do you just ask her out? or did she initiate? anyways have good day rich anon

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>>3508602
She yelled out of her friends car
"That guy can dance!"
I walked up to her car, and said
"You're good lookin, I'd swipe right"
I asked her for her number and she gave it to me, I texted her immediately with mine, and said "see you this weekend."

Thats it, we went ice skating on our first date and I dressed in a suit I got from shinesty. (the devil suit). I wore a santa hat and we had a blast.

Sometimes i want to coach men on how to get laid or get a girlfriend. I've actually coached some friends and played wingman a few times.

I should start a wingman service. I have no urge to go slut around but damn if I'm not one of the best wing men to have if you're out and a group of girls walks into a bar.

NPD lvl 100.

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>>3508602
https://www.shinesty.com/products/the-bachelor-red-rider-red-dress-suit?col=party-suits&pos=16
They changed the name of the suit, It was called The Devil Suit. Meh.

>>3508479
You seem to be your own biggest fan
Congrats if true
Enjoy your rat meat taco if larp

>>3508665
is there a way i can contact u?

[email protected]

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>>3508668
No Larp. I love myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltN3fLFmTQ

>>3506658
>He falsified time sheets for 2 months

Meaning he didn't work but said he did? For what purpose? I mean once you got the job.. why not just show up to work and do the minimum to not get fired?

>>3506470
Never lied on a resume. What fucking purpose does it serve?

Embellish, sure. Make things out in the best light possible, yes. But lie? Never. You'll get caught out - they'll know, they'll remember, and you'll pay for it when it's time for a promotion or pay rise.

Also, you serve to ruin the chances of people who are better suited for the job than you. You're sabotaging the very company you want to be employed by.

Shorty practice, criminal-tier and it's exactly why I extensively vetted the resumes of anyone who applied to work for me. Humble resumes caught my attention more than obviously embellished ones, too.

I had a business doing background checks/ investigations and a large portion of this was for executive hires / head hunters / recruiters / hiring managers. First port of call was to determine the veracity of someone's resume.

If they've said they completed a "Business management & Finance major" but really completed an "economics & business" degree, that's a red-flag from the get go, etc.

Don't lie on your fucking resume you cucks. Embellish, polish it up, but for fuck's sake don't lie. It's the single EASIEST way to fuck up your chances/ careers before they've even begun.

>>3508748
You seem like a cuck.

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I should do this so I can escape being a neet. But I live in a tiny city and there are only a couple of tech companies and I've been fired from both of 'em. I've been thinking of trying to move to a big city like maybe Dallas, and I'll most likely need to lie to make that happen by covering my neet gap.

>>3506539
How would you word that? I've done it a bit but never put it on my resume

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>tfw your employer thinks you know C
>you don't actually know C

>>3508748
>Also, you serve to ruin the chances of people who are better suited for the job than you

No, the government already did that when they put minority quotas on companies. Affirmative action shit means all rules are off.

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>>3509964
You think lying's going to help you in that situation?

A quota's a quota, if it's there; they're going to fill it. "All rules are off" isn't true. If it was, you wouldn't even be applying for jobs - you'd simply be hiring pajeets to steal their IP, then re-sell it.

>>3510027
>I'm black
>you don't look black
>expect a call from my lawyer you shitlord

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>call the time I spent GMing a WoW clan "management"
>call the time I spent drug dealing "running a small business"

>>3510303
why say ur black?

>>3508331
>still shitpostong on 4chin
Why

>>3508331
>being a mythomaniac