How do stocks work? I need an autist guide. I don't even

>>1683282
You want into your bank and say magic words "I'd like to open an investment account". After filling up paper work they give you access to their online broker where you buy / sell. In Canada, say the magic words "I'd like to open a self directed TFSA account" so that its tax free.

Go to the robin hood general here on /biz/ for a look at babby's first stock trading platform

>>1683318
thanks

You go to a store, dumbass.

>>1684510
Yeah just ask an employee and tell them you'd like to see their stockroom. There should be one at most stores.

>>1683282
go to investopedia and then google robinhood

>>1683282
I don't know. I've bought over 30 stocks in the past 10 years and every single one of them crashed through the floor. I never made a profit.

>>1685423
You have the mind of a stereotypical retard.

Easy solution. Just short whatever your gut says to buy.

>>1683305

LOL.........NO

Unless you're full retard, you don't use your bank for your brokerage account.

>>1685429
Any particular reason why though, Anon?

>>1683282
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnJCOof2HJk

>want to know about stocks
>open Internet
>See Google
>Don't type "stocks" into Google
>Type "4chan" instead
>Click search
>See Google search again
>Don't click search bar
>Click 4chan instead
>See 4chan homepage
>See Google address bar
>Don't click google address bar
>Click /biz/ instead
>See /biz/
>See Google address bar
>Don't click google address bar
>Click "start a new thread" instead

>>1683282
Here's the reader's digest version:

STEP 1 - The Brokerage Account
> A brokerage account is like a normal checking account, you deposit money into it and then spend it. (Except you spend it on investments like stocks rather than rent/groceries/porn)
- Open a brokerage account (it's free)
- You can do this with major companies such as the following (just google them to find their website): Fidelity, Charles Schwab

STEP 2 - Put money in account
> Like I said before, putting money in a brokerage account is just like a checking account. Deposit money by transferring from your usual bank account online, or mail a check.
- It's usually best to determine the initial amount (what you want to start investing with when you open the account) and a monthly amount to deposit. (This ensures you don't just sit with a thumb up your ass after depositing a small sum of money that will go nowhere) I recommend $100/mo. to get started.

STEP 3 - Invest in shit
> You have a FUCKTON of options here

>Bonds
You buy a bond that has an interest rate on it, you put this money into the bond, and they pay you the interest rate on it every 6 months (can vary, but rarely)

THE CATCH - you can't take any of the money out of the bond (including the interest) until the bond reaches its "maturity" (a date set by the entity you bought the bond from, usually a minimum of 5 years up to a maximum of 50)

Thus, since you can't touch the interest until maturity, they reinvest the interest back into the bond to collect more interest (This is called compound interest.)

People usually add more money to their bond every year until the maturity (I;e - Someone buys a bond for $100, and then every year adds $100 more)

> EX.) Bond for $500, 4.5% interest rate, 10 year maturity and you invest $500 more every year

After 10 years, that bond will mature and you get $7,148 for total investment of $5,000

Bonds are your safest option, but have the least amount of gain. (Very good for retirement)

>>1686118
>OPTION 2 - STOCKS
Stocks are buying a small, small slice of ownership in a company. (usually a ten-millionth of the ownership or some other ridiculously large number)

Stocks gain or lose value based on how well a company does, the better a company is doing, the more their stock is worth, and the worse they are doing, the less it is worth. (this is a big over simplification of it, but all you really need to understand to get started)

Thus, you buy a stock, and then pray that it gains value over time, and then sell it to get the money.

EX.) Buy a McDonald's stock for $200
McDonalds sells a shit ton of fries this year, better than ever, they now are worth $205

You think they'll do better, so you don't sell, but sadly rat shit is found in the burgers, so the stock drops to $150. You sell it so you don't lose more money.


> SPECIAL CASE
Some stocks (only for very large companies that are very well established) pay dividends.

Dividends are small amounts of money (usually only a few cents) a company will give its stock holders per share they own.

> EX.) A company's stocks sell for $100, they pay a $0.03 dividend per stock

You have 500 of these stocks (worth 500*100= $50,000)

You thus get 500*.03= $15 every few months that the company pays dividends

VERY RISKY

> OPTION 3 - MUTUAL FUNDS
Mutual funds are run by certain companies that do your investing for you, usually in a specific sector of the economy, and pay you depending on how much money they make.

Mutual funds require a large amount of money to invest in (usually a minimum of $2,500)

EX.) You invest $5,000 in a mutual fund run by Faggots R Us
The mutual fund makes money, they pay you $300 and give you the option to reinvest it, or just cash out that $300 while the initial $5,000 is used to earn you more money.

Mutual funds are a middle-of-the road investment in terms of risks, usually the people running these are very well informed and obviously invest for a living.

>>1683282
I've been googling this stuff like crazy, you can do it too.

>>1686118
>>1686132

where's this info from? curious

>>1686118
>>1686132

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask.

>t. finance/economics major now working on MS in Monetary Economics

>>1686135
See
>>1686137


I also have a decent amount of money invested (but it's all in my retirement accounts, because I don't care about short-term investments. I'm a pussy)

>>1686135
all of this is the general basics of investing once you start looking into it.

go to investopedia and start reading, there is a lot to learn once you start to dive into it

>>1686113
>This
You have already proven your willing to put in extra work for no reason, now use that to your advantage.

>>1683282
Do these threads scare anyone else?
Every retard with an internet nowadays is interested in stocks.
The most worrying part is that interest rates finally got bumped yet nobody cares because stocks are going up forever?
Whens the crash coming? Isn't this the exact same mindset that precluded every crash in history? When you guys get burned for the first time will you keep trying with what little cash you have left? or face the reality that independent traders will lose on average more than they gain?

Stock store

>>1686118
>can't touch the interest on bonds until the maturity

Are you retarded? This post looks like written by someone who skipped finance101 class and never put a dime in bonds.

Also bonds were a in a 30 years long rally due to constantly lowering interest rates, which made bonds much more profitable than it seemed initially.

>>1686580
Ita coming. 2017. Be ready anon.

>>1686098
i second this, i find that is the most attainable method for small time traders.
you open an investment account (preferably tax free yes) and start buying from their portfolios. they are pretty honest about both fees and returns. the portfolios already cover all diversification levels and risk levels.

unless you are particularly rich i don't see any reason not to do this.

>>1686580
>>1686662
The government won't let a crash happen. Especially since capitalism is now the culture of our country and we have voted in people whose well being is dependent on the markets. It is rigged, so why not take advantage of it?

>>1687171
By that logic there should never be any crashes. Because a weak economy hurts approval ratings and odds of reelection