if you stumbled upon $500,000,000.00 USD in umarked bills what

>>1576498
hire a lawyer

>>1576498
Hide it in my basement and slowly launder it. Tell no one.

>>1576512
wouldn't it take forever to launder that?

>>1576515
It would take decades to do it the right way, making sure nobody caught on.

>>1576519
couldn't you buy gold bullions in cash at various places all at once by hiring a bunch of lawyers?

>>1576515
3 or 4 years, buy shitty Laundromat or car wash r other coin op via a bank loan after the first year show it has been a great success use pay back half the loan and borrow enough to buy a 2nd location repeat this until you have a few bought and then just say they made whatever you need them to

>>1576498
what can you do? anything you want

>>1576540
Yeah, I'm sure nobody will think it's suspicious you made half a billion dollars from a shitty laundromat in 3 or 4 years.

>>1576523
Why the fuck would you want half a billion dollars worth of gold bullion?

>>1576553
well a gold bullion is worth around $500,000.00 isn't it? multiply that by 200 and it's way more manageable than that pile.

I don't take shit that isn't mine and most likely belongs to people who cut off heads as a warning to other people.

>>1576498
that depends on the circumstances of my discovery.

>>1576559
Please go into detail on how a $500,000 block of gold is more manageable than cash. I would love to hear your reasoning.

>>1576498
I don't know what you CAN, but you SHOULD set up rat traps around it.
Pablo learned it the hard way.

>>1576512
How about doing something like starting a marine salvage company, as in you go diving and hunt for sunken ships with treasures, would this work?

>>1576615
>>1576559
you can melt it down

>>1576617
What are you gonna say, you found $500m in a ship?

>>1576498
I would burn it to combat US inflation.

What I used to do when I dealt was just pay all of my expenses in cash. Use the dirty money for groceries, gas, clothes, anything that isn't going to be traced. I wasn't making more than a few grand so that was easy. As a waiter I could have just declared extra tips every night to launder a little at a time. Over the longer term, you could start any kind of cash business and expand at a quick but believable rate. Half a billion is a LOT of money and the IRS is going to be going over your income with a fine-toothed comb. Open a restaurant, laundromat, car wash, etc. It's easy but it takes time and most of all it takes discipline. If you get cocky and greedy and start declaring a million a year in tips, someone is going to catch on fast. If you come from nothing and all of a sudden have 10 laundromats and a dozen restaurants, you're going to jail.

Put the money in either stocks/bitcoin, slowly over a year increase my money, reuse same cash to manipulate a market and rake in a shit ton of money.
Either that or just use it to loan, live off the money for the rest of my life.

>>1576670
Dude, the first fucking problem is to get the money turned into a digital currency. How will you manage to 'simply' convert all that shit into bitcoins without getting caught?

File: 18l4893ezecw2jpg.jpg (268KB, 1920x817px) Image search: [Google]

268KB, 1920x817px

>>1576498
Nothing personnel kid.

Is there any way you could just contact the government and get to keep 10 percent legitimately?

>>1576651
I remember watching a documentary that talked about a marine salvage company which specializes in searching for lost ships with gold and before they do anything they research the ship because their minimum project is valued at around $50M and they say there are many billions of dollars in gold in sunken ships.

>>1576684
Enjoy having the previous owner find out and cut your family's heads off in front of you, just before being tortured for days and left dying in a ditch somewhere.

>>1576677
You could do a little with localbitcoins trading bitcoins for cash with complete strangers.

>>1576750
Doesn't that gold have great historical value?
Would you be able to make money from it it it's shaped like coins, jewelry, etc?

>>1576498

Phone a friend

>si, hola, el chapo?

>si, esto es El Chapo.

>MUCHO DINERO, NO FEDERALI. ayuda ayuda

I'm sure he would be a nice guy about it.

>>1576684
Part of the documentary I saw they talked about how this US marine salvage company researched this Spanish ship that sunk in the 1400s and they figured it should have more than $100M in gold. It sunk in a area a mile deep so they invested a lot of money in specialized stuff to go that deep and recover the gold. After they recovered it they filled a warehouse with it and lodged a claim for it with the US government. Then the Spanish government ran to the US government asking for their gold back and the Spanish government made a deal for some favors if the US government forced the marine salvage company to return the gold to Spain.

>>1576770

link?

>>1576759
see >>1576770
It had great value not only worth over $100M but also the Spanish government considered it part of their history so they really wanted it back.
Also at the same time the goverment of..I think it was Peru or something claimed that the Spanish stole the gold from them so they wanted it back but they didnt have a good bargaining position to trade favors(corruption) as did the Spanish government.

>>1576777
So they had to give it back for free, of thay got some compensation in the end by either government?

>>1576774
https://youtu.be/Dt7hTCeoXUM?t=626
starting around 10minutes.

>>1576783
I think they lost their investment.

>>1576787
Shouldn't that be expected?
I mean, everything they find is bound to have some historical relevance to some country (unless they found ingots, but even in that case I would expect them to be pressured into giving it anyway).

>>1576798
later in that video they talk about how the company went to the next project after that Spanish one, they found a British ship and made a deal with the British government to split it with them and give them a percentage finders fee basically.

That much money?

Fucking hide it and live off it forever. Fuck soft laundering maybe, but I would mostly be happy to have enough cash to live the cool life. I can't invest it or buy real Estate with it, but who fucking cares.

A smaller amount, like a few million, would be more tempting to fully launder because it would really need to be invested to make a life out of it.

>500m cash
> rant sweet pads for short periods of time, no fucks given
>slowly remodel the shit out of the house I already own.
>spend a ton on vacations
>have cool, but not suspectiously valuable cars.
>stay off the Irs radar
>maybe open a small business to launder a small amount of cash just to have an honest looking income on the books.

It's not perfect but it beats the following
>get caught trying to launder hundreds of millions of dollars and going to prison
>trying to make a legitimate claim on the money only to have the state confiscate it.
>trying to make a legitimate claim on the money only to get robbed and killed by that dude from "No Country for Old Men"

I think I could live a pretty sweet cash only life without raising too many red flags.

>>1576808
Ah ok.
I'm watching it ATM, very interesting, thank you.

File: Georgia_Amateur_Divers_Find_Long-Lost_Nuclear_Warhead.png (2MB, 680x3022px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 680x3022px

But what I was thinking is that if amateur divers on vacation could accidentally discover pic related, surely someone could "discover" something like millions of dollars?

>>1576498
hide the money, live a humble and acetic life in a safe area. Treat myself to large steak dinners every few days, and fucking every high-end escort in the country paying cash and using a fake name.

>>1576814
Seriously think about that for 5 seconds. How are you going to pass off the story that you found $500m in hard cash in a sunken ship?

File: $100 million inheritance.png (152KB, 1181x823px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 1181x823px

>>1576835
I should have elaborated to make myself clearer what I was thinking.

do your research
find out the absolute bare minimum you would need to purchase a lucrative cash based business (whether it be laundromat or whatever is lucrative and cash based).
lets say you conclude it's $1M.
do whatever to make your $1M look like its been in the ocean a long time.
go on vacation as an amateur diver and accidentally discover the $1M.
hopefully now you can use your $1M to buy your business.
launder your cash by slipping a tiny little bit of it at a time.
aggressively reinvest all profits into expanding.
expand and you get to slip a little bit more of your cash in to launder it.

>>1576498
invest in the poopie industry
https://www.loverachelle2.com/shop/shippables/buy-my-poop/

Leave it where I found it. I'm not going to fuck with some crazy Cuban drug lords money. Maybe i'll take some change for the bus or something if i'm feeling crazy.

>>1576841
The post in the picture makes the fundamental mistake of assuming the money will stay intact and won't be squandered by spoiled and/or stupid descendents, bad/unlucky investments, world events of multiple kinds, change in the yield of those bonds, etc.
In the real world, 100M would be mostly gone within 3 or 4 generations.

Also, that's assuming it's all liquid, which is another issue altogether.

Anyway, it's not a matter of NEEDING to leave a big inheritance (technically almost nobody needs to, as those people can just work and not live in luxury), but about WANTING to.
That's highly debatable depending on personal opinions, but I think that people should be able to give what they own to whoever they want to, instead of being forced by the government to only give up to a certain amount.
It would be so easy to circumvent too.

>>1576841
whoever wrote that should be publicly executed.

>>1576851
and im sure they won't notice just a bag full of bills missing after you take some change

>>1576498
Invest in an underground fortress and store all the money there. No one would know about it as I'd soft launder and just hide it there. No real estate, no super cars, no huge laundering scheme.

>>1576498
I would wipe my ass with $100 bills exclusively for the rest of my life.

>>1576892
>>1576911
Yeah I'm absolutely opposed to socialism or redistribution of wealth an think taxation is theft. But before seeing that post i never really imagined how big $100M, it seems small when considering it next to the billionaires. And so I bookmarked in in my mildly interesting folder, even though I dont agree with what the socialists point the poster is trying to make.

>>1576841

I'm assuming whoever wrote that would have very different opinions if they suddenly found out they had a veryvery rich uncle with no children

>take money from other people that worked hard in order to pay for me and my schooling

>>1576927
Yeah, it's cool to see it represented that way I guess.

I remember seeing a video that some guy (IIRC it was one of those videogame streamers) made to show how much is a billion dollars with the Windows notepad. It was pretty cool too.
I'll try and look for it.

>>1576927
>>1576936
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J6BQDKiYyM

Start buying fuck loads of shit then fleeing to Panama when the jew r s caught on

>>1576940
Thats a pretty good way too to try to begin to mentally represent or comprehend how much money that is.

>>1576810
It should be the opposite. You should launder the 500m. In no way would be able to enjoy it as much if it were dirty money. You'd probably only be able to spend a few million throughout your lifetime without getting caught.

If you found a few million - that's what you keep in cash because you can reasonable spend it. Plus it's retarded to launder that little. You'd lose 25-40% in taxes so there's no point in taking that hit only to invest it.

>stay off the irs radar
>does a bunch of shit that would flag the irs

You haven't thought this through very well.

>>1576911
Seriously. 100 million can be put into a business or a charity by the descendant. In addition the money is ironically lent to the institution that the faggot redditor wants to take it. Finally, money would just be turned into an entity which the inheritor would control.

Most of all, fuck the govt. It's your money, you can spend it or give it to whomever the fuck you want. What's to keep the original owner of the 100 mil from paying their kid 10 million/yr x10 years. Wow, suddenly it's not inheritance and it's much cheaper than 99% tax.

Reddit is so dumb. If this post were there it'd be downvoted with many other logical posts into the oblivion of their so called free and open website.

>>1576498
I would just pay for all my meals, groceries, gas etc in cash while I figure out a way to launder it

Such a task would be incredibly difficult

>>1576979
4chan is not free and open either.

I don't think I'd be smart enough to launder even close to the full amount. I'd take a few million with me and hide it in my room. I'd buy myself nice stuff and go out to eat everyday. That's it really.

>>1576979
Seriously this.

I agree with all that. The reason I bookmarked it is because when I read that comment I think that was one of the first times it really clicked for me how my choices and work will carry on down through my children and grandchildren etc and will create a legacy. I was thinking like damn I really want to make something of myself and leave a lasting legacy for my future bloodline, instead of the opposite being a nobody.

>>1576654
Inflation doesn't decrease if nobody knows that the money had burned..

>>1576979
>it's your money you can spend it or give it to whomever the fuck you want

you actually will have to pay a gift tax if you give over 14,000 a year and have given the lifetime limit of 5.43million. so that's what's stopping you from giving your kid 10million a year.

>>1576835
You could actually put the cash there, and then find it.
Like, start/acquire a marine salvage company, operate it for a couple years, and then plant your cash/gold in a ship and find it.

>>1576769
Underated post!!

>>1576498
Invest it all in AMD

>>1576498
This particular pile was found by the dea, it belongs to a cartel. I would pretend I never saw it.

>>1576810
This. Start a landscaping business, pretend to mow lawns for cash or something. You could easily put in up to 200k a year into the bank. The IRS just wants a cut of the money, they don't even care how dirty it is.

File: interested canadian frog.png (209KB, 953x780px) Image search: [Google]

209KB, 953x780px

I'd report $400,000,000.00 USD in unmarked bills to the authorities.

Shitton of hookers

To the people saying that they wold launder it with cash based businesses, how?
So you declare say 10k of your pile of cash as profit, get taxed and throw the rest in the bank, you're still handing over unmarked bills to the tax man and banker. Aren't they illegal? Won't they think somethings up?

>>1576498
Useless scenario. Because you'll never get that much money. Wake up, faggot.

>>1576498
Call the police and tell them about this mysterious 300mil I just found lying around.

>>1576498
the fuck are you saying mate

easy

>continue your life as normal

>use cash for cash based expenses

>gas, food, goods

>>1578923
For the laundry mat just go buy quarters and 1's then deposit them at a different bank.

>>1576927
>>1576979
>>1577183

Way to turn the thread into a dumb libertarian circlejerk. Your kids would be fucking coke addicts, never work a day in their lives and ultimately your fortune would be squandered. But they would all love daddy wouldn't they?

You are all selfish motherfuckers who assume that any penny you give to the government goes into a black hole. Maybe if you "rich" fuckers cared about other people and paid your fair share society wouldn't be such a fucking trainwreck.

AND YOU FUCKERS AREN'T EVEN RICH! You're posting on an ANIME THEMED BLOCKCHAIN PONZI BOARD.

>>1578960
>you have too much money
>give me some
Inheritance shouldn't be taxed.
All that money was already taxed when Mr Wealthy earn't it, invested it and used it.
Governments should know when to stop.
Go back to your commune

>>1578944
this basically. I just don't know where I'd physically put the money.

>>1578960
>telling your kids how rich you are
Dumbass, you picture all wealthy people as jocks and celebrities

>You are all selfish motherfuckers
>"you don't want to give your money away to people that didn't earn it and will squander it? OMG SELFISH PAY FOR MY SCHOOL REEEEEEEEE"

>"rich" fuckers cared about other people
>they obviously care enough to save it and give it to the most important people in their lives (friends, family), but noooooo instead they should have it taken by random fucks in suits so you can have your small cut. Fuck democracy.

>paid your fair share
>"PAY YOUR SHARE, I DECIDE WHAT'S FAIR REEEEEEEEE"
Maybe if you dumb fucks didn't get loans for degrees that are worthless, drive cars you can't afford, and get in massive loan debt, we wouldn't even have these "problems"

It's not everyone else's fault you and your family sucks with money. And what's worse, you want everyone else to have to pay for your own fuckups

>>1576498

I'd just give it out to poor people and keep a mill for myself.
That way nobody can tell where the source is if I spend money and poor people will use up all their money anyway, so I'll use the short economic spike to make back my giveaway with legal money in no time, then short stocks after the poor people used up their money to double down on the spike.

>>1576683
This scene made me so mad.

>>1578966
Lazy ass parasite moocher. What did you do to earn that money?

>>1579391
Not everything has to be earned. Stop with this free market meme shit.

>>1578960
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRpEV2tmYz4

>>1578960
t. a bad parent

>>1578923
>Aren't they illegal?
When people say "unmarked bills" they're referring to cash that hasn't been "marked" (serial numbers either flagged or specifically put into circulation for the purposes of baiting/honeypotting criminals) by the government. It's not a term to describe bills without a serial number, which ARE illegal.

Put it on my bank account and pay taxes over it.

>idiots itt doing all the effort to launder it while you're clearly the honest finder
Even if I have to give it all back to the original owner the law dictates I get a 10% = 50 million dollar share.

>>1578829
Yeah. 10 hookers per day for 547.94 years

>>1579582
>Hasn't seen No Country for Old Men

Unless the original owner is a gangster and comes for your head

>>1579595
For that kind of money I can hire the A Team.

>>1579582
>roll up to bank
>walk in
>hey I'd like to deposit 50 million in cash

Top kek!

>>1576498

i'd just fill up a rucksack or 2 and call it a day, go home, dig a hole in my house, and cover with cement for 1 rucksack, quit my job and just live a carefree life shitposting and fapping to traps all day, start paying all my bills in cash deposits etc.

>>1576498
Invest it, live like the faggots on duck dynasty. Own a quarry and concrete company for the sheer pleasure of building everyone i love a castle .. etc.

>>1576519
Nah, just travel the country buying shit off craigslist and ship it home. Then sell that shit and live like a king

File: Screenshot_20161021-145314.png (82KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 1440x2560px

>>1576553
As a Dickfarmer i'll ive u one guess what i would do.

>27,014 pound solid gold dick...

>>1576498
I would change it all into pennies

File: Screenshot_20161021-145201.png (109KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

109KB, 1440x2560px

>>1580124

File: Screenshot_20161021-145111.png (255KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

255KB, 1440x2560px

>>1580127

File: Screenshot_20161021-145049.png (451KB, 1440x2560px) Image search: [Google]

451KB, 1440x2560px

>>1580131

>>1576615
500k block of gold is 20,017 pounds. I did the math because u faggots got my jimmies rustled

>>1576498
FUCK dude. Maybe i'd buy a bunker next door to bunkerbro and make it appartments. All anons are welcome. Free room and board and 4chan passes. All 600 of u faggots will call me Captain Redbeard and salute me. Also the floor will have 4 feet of water so you have to take a boat to leave your apartment or walk in 4 feet of fucking water while everyone laughs and calls you a peasant. Each anon has to build his own shitty boat using whatever material i choose. If u are a faggot i would litterally make u build a boat from himan shit and attempt to sail it in doors or you would be excommunicated to an old barn. We will call it the cuckshed and that where be where we put the faggots. So that we can have someone to look down on while being NEET and shitposti g 12 hours a day.

>>1580135
I got 27 lbs.

>>1576619
>it can be melted
>thinking this is a reason for anything

Why not $500k worth of butter? That can be melted down and poured on popcorn

>>1576654
This. Ty

This is incredibly easy, because I'm an Australian.

In our local pubs and bars and whatnot, we have lots of video poker gambling machines and in turn we have machines that convert printed tickets into cash, they can also split your bills up into smaller bills.

These machines have a $2.5K or $5K limit on cash withdrawals (to avoid laundering kek) so I would just casually turn up to a bar or club, buy a drink and play $50 worth of video poker whilst cramming $2000+ into the machine which I would later withdraw.

Do this 2x a week for a comfy $190K a year income.

>>1580161
How do you later withdraw it?

>>1576927
I love u.

Fuck bernie sanders socialist fucking bullshit.

Fuck welfare


Leave my money the fuck alone

If u die old and broke and alone with nobody to help u then maybe u are a shit human being and u done goofed. Fuck u.

>>1578960
You are a fucking democratic cuck and the biggest faggot on 4chan...

Fuck u

Ive already paid a lifetime of my fair share of taxes.

I would hide that shit use a large portion of it specifically to be a lobyiest against any and all fucking social programs.

Fuck u and fuck off away from my wallet u fucking cocksucker...

>>1579349
U are my fucking hero.

FISTBUMP MUTHAFUCKA

>>1580161
Does aus have a tax on winnings? Not to mention its USD. Would that machine accept USD?

>>1580153
Fuck. 2017 ounces. This may be why i am still a poorfag...

>>1580156
Lol! If i could afford it i would buy Swift trucking company file chapter 11 and fire every single cocksucker associated with them, then park every single truck at a terminal and burn it all to the fuckin ground...

>1578960 no (you) for you.
>goes into a black hole
I have collected an entire folder full of screencaps that documents this huge black hole, it's real. Words can hardly describe the deplorable and disgusting and abhorrent nature of the corruption, fraud, abuse, and waste in that black hole and because of this its obvious that taxation is absolutely theft.
But that's not what this thread is about so I'm not going to take the bait and spam those screenshots here.

>>1579509
I like how back then they would try to present their arguments in a calm and rational manner and try to apply intelligence to debating. But nowadays they basically troll around and scream and shout and stomp their feet like a child throwing a tantrum with snot bubbles coming out of their noses, and demand safe spaces to play with Playdough and coloringbooks.

>>1580256
Yeah, that's what I thought as well.

Look at the modern equivalent for example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zmji36q8E4o

And I'm being generous by showing a relatively collected one, but notice the differences in the way they talk and reason.
Both the liberals in the videos have retarded arguments, but the guy in the old video makes the girl in the new one sound like a toddler.

File: 17kdjxvdqvygyjpg.jpg (79KB, 636x358px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 636x358px

>>1576498
Am I the only one whose first reaction is to Scrooge McDuck dive into this money?

This will be easy.

>>1579349
>the only people that matter are the people i like

>>1579509
>milton friedman
Consistently wrong

>>1580207
>Ive already paid a lifetime of my fair share of taxes.
Judging by your meltdown, you are a fucking poor idiot who needs education paid for by the rich

>>1580243
>I have collected an ENTIRE FOLDER OF SCREENCAPS!!!!
>TAXATION IS THEFT!!!!
Seriously you are the most butthurt fedora tipping faggot I have ever seen

>>1580256
>>1580354
>Haha bros, everyone who disagrees with me is a toddler. Aren't we all epic, people who agree with my opinions?
You have to go back

>>1576498
I would launder it through several front businesses. It would take decades. I would have several successful restaurants and bars though.

but realistically, you can only push an extra million through even a large, popular bar. Thats why you need several. Restaurants too.

Avoid the Point of Sale systems, the key is to push extra income through. I would basically double my sales every day. You cant get too crazy, the IRS keeps benchmarks for businesses, and outliers get audited.

>>1580484
>>milton friedman
>Consistently wrong
Ad hominem.
His work in general was never in disussion. Only this particular video (and what's being said in it) was.
It could've been anyone saying those words and the point of posting it would still be the same.

>>1580484
>Haha bros, everyone who disagrees with me is a toddler.
Dumbass I said the girl sounds like a toddler, not because I disagree with her, but because of the way she speaks and reasons, compared to the other guy (whose opinion I also disagree with), who's way better spoken.

Also all your arguments are /b/-tier shitposts, and I'm wondering why I'm even responding to a retard child like you.

I would just keep it hidden in my room and live as normal as possible.

First >>1580449
Duck dive into pile of cash... then...
Assuming I can get cash to someplace safe.
Change to cash based job... live well but not excessive. Buy/Create a cash based business launder into my accounts enough to make business look profitable but not really great.

Lots of small cash anonymous donations to charities I like. Die happy and having done a lot of good.

How would they catch you if you just paid in cash for everything? Seems real simple to me. Just pay for everything that can be traced with your own money and buy the rest of your stuff in with cash. Examples: new car - your money; half the time you eat out, get gas, go out somewhere - use that sweet sweet drug money. Wouldn't be too unbelievable imo.

>>1580616
You wouldn't be able to spend 500mil in cash in your lifetime

>>1576498
>Step 1: Clean enough money to buy a cash-heavy business, like a pawn shop
Take a couple hundred grand to Vegas and play for a bit. You'll probably lose a bit but not a lot, especially if you stick to fairly predictable games like slots or roulette.
>Step 2: Buy pawn shop. Run it normally for a couple years. Pad the books with several hundred thousand in cash, enough to expand to several more stores.
>Step 3: Open extra locations. Hire idiots and ne'er do wells, particularly for any job that requires accounting or book keeping. Do the books for all your stores and add millions in cash every year.
>Step 4: Continue until all 500m is legitimate income.

File: 1476517706160.jpg (47KB, 426x454px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 426x454px

>>1578960
Mellow status: Harshed

>>1578819
This

>>1580763
Assuming you meant adding a million every year to EACH store (as opposed to a million betwen all of them), if you had 1 store it would take you 500 years, 10 stores 50 years, 25 stores 20 years, etc.

You can't start from zero and have all these stores making more than a million a year without at least raising suspicions and getting audited.

A drug dealer I know built a gym and had fake customers who paid monthly with cash. You dont have to check ID or anything so it is hard to prove that they are made up. The drug dealer was caught when he got greedy and bought a very expensive sports car. The gym was a small basement gym and he was a biker so the cops knew fast what was up. His lifestyle was way too expensive for a gym owner.

So you create those fake customers who pay gym memberships, personal training, massages and solarium. You can clean a lot of money that this way. Then you pay everything in cash and you can get a nice lifestyle with a lot of clean money on the bank. Just stay under the radar and dont buy expensive things like that drug dealer. Nobody would ever now what you did if you did it this way.

>>1576841

>what is inflation

>>1580899
Fuck that's perfect.
For a normal business you can easily check that what you sold doesn't match what you earned, but with a gym it's almost expected to have a large part of your customers not to come after the first month or so, so if they come and find it empty, it's basically normal.

>>1580904

Also who do you prove that you didnt have personal training or massages that were paid in cash? It is impossible.

>>1580925
Exactly.
As you said, the key is not getting greedy.
As long as you fly low and don't exaggerate in anything, that would work fairly well.
Unless there's something I'm missing, because now I wonder why it's not that widespread.
The mob tends to open things like restaurants and laundromats for this, right?
There must be a reason why they're not doing the gym thing as much as the other options.

>>1576498
Buy two kebabs

Where the fuck do you guys plan to hide 500 million dollars?
In your room? really nigga?

File: herdla.jpg (39KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 500x500px

>>1580989
There's enough space under my mattress.

>>1576515
I would only take a few million

File: vault01.jpg (154KB, 804x530px) Image search: [Google]

154KB, 804x530px

>>1581004
Lad it's 500 fucking million dollars. Do you realize how much that is?
I check my pocket every few minutes if I'm carrying larger than 1000 bucks. I can't leave the house with a comfortable feeling if there's 500 million inside.

If anyone learns there's that much money inside your house, you're fucked lad. Like really fucked.
Shit I'mma need a vault like pic related if I'm carrying that amount of money.

>>1581037
That vault is fucking fake you moron

File: LD Style & Design - Tateossian 10-Count Black Diamond Blue Macrame Bracelet.jpg (63KB, 650x422px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 650x422px

There really isn't enough info to make a decision on, given your example.
IRL, I wouldn't have perfect information, and cannot know what will happen next - the circumstances of my actions....

But, the scenario STILL needs more info.
Am I just leaning against a door in an alley, and stumbled upon this? Are there other people around? Other rooms leading from this room? Is it in trashbags in the alley? In a cellar I discover? In a city, disappearing or keeping low-key are easier, versus this being in the middle of nowhere.

Assuming non-ideal circumstances, I have to make a quick decision?
The quick answer is stuff as much as I can into my pants, using a shirt or bag, etc and hightail it outta there.

From there, I'm making a necklace on string from highest grade rarest diamonds I can get, that are not too obviously large or raise red flags. Gems in the 5-10k range.
Then cut off and sell a gem or two as I need to.
Like pic related.

>>1581037
I know but what else can you do besides not taking the money at all?
I'd take it, not tell a single soul (which should be done regardless of where you end up keeping it), and try to not show that I have more money than before in the first place.
Then I can think of ways to hide it somewhere.

There's always the risk of someone knowing, but that amount of cash makes it worthwile IMO.

give it to the orthodox church

File: credit-card-doge-so-rich (1).jpg (35KB, 460x345px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 460x345px

>>1576498
use it to hire and pay a personal security army , live in a 2nd world country and convert most of it to commodities and physicals , thru cash purchases with entities who dont answer 2 the government. buy huge swaths of land in africa, mine and drill .

>>1576498
If I stumbled upon? Finders keepers. Pay the taxes. Pay the bills.

>>1576498
start an esports team as a front for a money laundering operation

File: yoo 003.jpg (56KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 512x512px

quit my dead 9-5 job for a year to make a really shitty album on the level of viper - yall cowards dont even smoke crack.
set up a website get some album artwork done and a page where you can order albums from. Make it so that you can order a physical copy as well as a digital mp3. have a friend who is involved in making albums (we all know some guy from school who wanted to be a DJ or something who ended up making mix tapes) pay him to set up an operation where you have your own record label where you have an internal operation of actually burning the cds and printing the album booklet and ordering CD cases yourself. You now have a record label where you do not have to outsource to burn the CDs and shit. not sure how much this would cost but lets just say 100k. You take a trip to some eastern European ex soviet country and link up with a hacker or some sort of computer wizard and a team of people that create numerous bank accounts and use them to purchase the actual CDs. The order comes through your company and you send them the CDs or MP3 files. (In actual fact it doesn't even have to be physical copies but if it is 100% digital mp3 files being bought it might look a bit suspicious and if you get audited by the tax cunts they would think you are a bit of a retard to be selling CDs in this era so might not think you are actually clever enough to launder money.) lets say you give the group 50 million and they spend 60% of that on the actual CD orders and then pocket 40% for the job. This would just be for one country lets say Romania. so you have 50 million going out of which 30 million is actually spent on album purchases say you sell the albums at $5 each (doesn't matter how much the albums are as you get 100% of the profit (minus postage and packaging but you can set up your own delivery contracts for all these cds you are selling),

>>1582683
), in fact the lower they are the more albums that you will sell making you effectively a more successful artist from critics). ok so if they are $5 each they you sell 6 million in Romania alone.


Say you carry this operation out in 9 eastern European countries with they money you didnt use to set up the operation being spent on measures to move they money from one country to another and logistics as well as building up a team of skilled loyal people.

To conclude. You would have sold 54 million copies of your shitty album effectively in nine eastern European states which have little governance giving your album not just platinum status but diamond status in terms of record sales. The use of physical copies of the album help to verify the notion that you aren't easily laundering money and that you have a semi legit operation. You then out of nowhere rise to the top of album selling artists amongst the likes of led zepplin and AC/DC. You become the top of the pops in numerous eastern European nations and people actually start buying your album for legit liking it even though it is shit and it snowballs from there.

You end up sitting in your underpants in your house looking at one of them shiny vinyls framed on your mansions walls.

the end

>>1582683
>>1582684
>he'd use it to sell his mixtape

File: Mixtape Fire Alarm.jpg (53KB, 634x454px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 634x454px

>>1582709
I'd use whatever I had at my disposal to sell my mixtape. As we all would.

Bump from page 10

>>1576756
>converting 500m to btc using localbitcoins

lmao, you'll be dead before you even put a dent in 500m

Only use it for rent, groceries, and fast food. Still take loans and use credit and pretend to the world that I don't have a saftey net.

Also, dump the tracker in the money so I don't get killed by a scary latino man.

>>1576498
Move to Alaska and buy huge plots of land

Bury the money in various locations written down in code

Buy a beater truck and build a small log cabin

Live in solitude and total secrecy of my true wealth, spending as little as possible

Then leave all I have left to whoever I hire to help me when I get older than dirt

File: feelsmug.jpg (6KB, 230x230px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 230x230px

>>1576498
Gradually spend it all on localbitcoins.

Each purchase always to a new wallet.

Send the contents of each wallet to a new polo account, using a different ip and trade it for monero and then send it to personal wallet.

Send monero from personal wallet to your main polo account.

Gradually trade monero back for bitcoin.

Gradually send bitcoin to another exchange and trade for fiat.

Withdraw fiat to bank account and claim it's profit from crypto trading.

>wait till I'm 40
>Put it in the bank
>IRS asks where I got the money from
>tell them I'm a high-profile escort specialized in oral pleasure
>convince them I'm the best so I charge $5,000 per half-hour so I make 20-25M/year
>flirt with the federal agents a little maybe
>tell them I'll give them a list of my clients if they let me just pay my taxes
>maybe do my time for prostitution
>profit

Buy an apartment.

Buy a tiny, shitty, smelly, studio apartment with broken windows, mould and asbestos that was previously council-owned, situated between a crackhouse and brothel.............
(wait for it)...........anywhere in London.

Hold it for 10 years without living in it, renting it out, or renovating it, and sell it for £10 billion.

(disclaimer - only fellow Britbongs may get the joke, or possibly Russian oligarchs and Chinese and Arab Billionaires. It's even 'funnier' if you are a Londoner paying £200 a week to live in a converted wardrobe in Clapham)

>>1578214
he's right inflation is measured by the CPI which if the money isn't in the economy it won't flood any market changing prices LEL

>>1580211
if you were in Australia you wouldn't find a massive pile of USD, and if you did you would just drive around the country exchanging USD to AUD at airports lel

>>1584579
I hope you know you'll have to blow several feds
>>1576498
Put as much as I can in a safe place, begin laundering it. My job is now to launder money.

>>1586099
Tel Avivians also get this joke unfortunately

>>1576498

Why is everyone's first reaction to buy material things with the money?

You could literally sign up to countless of seminars, business, public speaking, self-help, meditation etc etc, those things that cost 5-10k.

There is no way to track those right?

File: Allahu Gay Bar.jpg (36KB, 576x1024px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 576x1024px

I'd be a good boy and do nothing or call the police depending on where I fount it, because there's no way this is not a YouTube prank.

>>1581037
Well the rush of finding 500 million would be insane. I'm sure in my frenzied state I'd find somewhere to hide it.

Although goddamn, I'd be nervous. Wouldn't want to keep it in my tiny apartment. I'd probably rent a storage unit as a short term solution.

>>1586293
Went spend so much effort?

>>1584561
>thinking the IRS isn't going to be suspicious of some NEET claiming to have made 500 million on shitcoin exchanges

File: 1477346710710.jpg (46KB, 600x450px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 600x450px

>>1576498
>Implying I haven't already stumbled across 500 million
Are you cucks even trying? Up your game niggers.
>2016
>not finding a dumpster full of gold bullion well dumpster diving

>>1576498
>find some place to safely store it
>buy reliable car
>buy 4chan as an anonymous Japanese man
>rent decent apartment to store my shit
>drive around the US seeing all the cool shit.
>discount 4chan pass to $1
>host weekly scavenger hunt/geo caching kind of shit for a prize of 1k-100k for 4chan anons in the places I am traveling. If normies catch on I'll ban everyone without a 4chan pass and make passes required to play.
>find some other cool shit to do before I get paranoid and kill myself

>>1586664
I'd also ban Loli and all that pedo shit

>>1576654
>>>1576498 (OP)
>I would burn it to combat US inflation.
US inflation is out of control!
>1.5%
>”healthy” inflation 2%

>>1576498
>stumbled upon $500,000,000.00 USD

sorry can't imagine suddenly finding a literal mountain of money noone noticed before

>>1586699
nazi gold train

As a normie with literally no business experience or idea on how to do any of this stuff... I would just go around burying it.

A pile of $1000 in cash here, a pile there. Do this for years, until it is all out. For more fun/exotic locations I would put more in. $10k, $100k. Maybe even $1Million if its somewhere super cool like on a emote island.

All the while ensuring I make a list of all the locations and ammounts and instructions on where to find it.

Then make he list public and let the great pirate treasure hunt of 2030 begin.

As long as you are smart enough to cut a deal on the television coverage and film of it you can easily make enough money to be happy, and have your name is history as the coolest person ever.

I would take ten million and leave. I can launder ten million. Whoever has a pile of five hundred million can afford to lose ten million and not skin me alive for taking it. I can get away with ten million.

>>1586194
Found the filthy kike

>>1587184
Get /out, we love jews on /biz

>>1587184
Ew why such gross language? Your sad attempt at shock humor leaves a lot to be desire.

>>1576814

This is fake that bomb has not been found.

>>1587296
>>1587303
Only jews we like are dead jews

>>1587327
Ok edgelord

>>1587368
Do you honestly believe there aren't actual antisemites on 4chan?
There are antisemites everywhere. Especially in those countres where, unlike in the west, is not socially unacceptable to be so.

I suggest you go to /pol/ and ask them what they think about jews, and see if they're just being edgy.

>>1576498
since im a brazilian :
well you have to wash that money:
- you can buy winning ticket from people before they cash out. you will need to pay extra obviously.
-contact a bank where people generally cash out this money and tell the manager that you have money and want to buy the ticket before the person cash out. you will probably have to pay those guys alot of cash when the deal is done.
Start a donation organization to whatever end, donate to yourself, you will have to pay taxes probably but your money will be clean.

Start a legal business, and pay the expenses in cash.

lend money on 30% interest/month. no questions asked. this will not clean the money but totally worth it if you manage the risks.

>>1587371
jews are the scourge of the earth.

>>1587184
lmao no shit sherlock
I go to /pol/ too buddy I'm more of a Nazi than you'll ever be, faggot

>>1587794
Also I'm not Jewish
Learn Israeli demographics a bit and you'll see how many orthodox christian russians such as me are here.

>>1587798
>christian
>not a jew
Kek

>>1576498
Convert it all to british pounds and get my dad out of his debt.

Spread the rest between my dad, my step mom and myself and use the rest for what we want to do, weather it be a holiday, a new house pay the bills or that new high tech fancy phone or tablet or laptop.

>>1587800
>Fedora
>A grown up
Whatever enjoy your pointlessness

File: maybe-you-should-2irvzs.png (257KB, 800x468px) Image search: [Google]

257KB, 800x468px

>>1587327
>>1587371
All that hatred is usually a sign of being piss poor.
Like Hitler was, remember?
Nevermind, it's easy to fool the proles into a 'single cause fallacy' like 'Germany's economy is shit because of JEWS! And totally not because we are in debt because we started WW1!'
And nothing boosts the economy like using fear to start a war and get everybody all industrious again.

>2016
>worshipping a low-test faggot with one testicle whose girlfriend slept in a separate room....

>>1576498
>what CAN you do?

You could buy yourself a nice wardrobe, big screen TVS out the ass, a nice vacation, all the hookers and blow you could handle, shit like that. What you couldn't ever do is spend it on anything worthwhile. Start buying houses, cars, or high-end jewelry, and your likely going to have the IRS on your ass. It would be assumed to be drug money.

Of course it could be laundered, but the average person wouldn't know how to do that.

give great tips for the rest of my life

>>1587854
Jews have been kicked out of the countries (and cities, in times when cities governed themselves) more than a hundred times, exactly for the behavior they're hated for.
I'm sure it's because the governments that took that decision were poor and jelous, right?

>>1576540
>laundromat earns half a billion dollars in 3 years

Walter White is that you? I thought you died in the last episode!

>>1576841
How can socialists be this delusional? All the "Walton Act" would do is make every American with a net worth over 100 mil either leave the country or hide their assets offshore to prevent them from being seized, the only time that the ultra-rich actually pay taxes is when it's cheaper to just pay the tax instead of avoiding paying the tax

>>1587980
Fuck I wasn't there yet. Thanks.

I would start my own kneepad business.

Bespoke kneepads with a wipe-clean luxury leather finish.

Then later branch out into making gimp masks and studded leather jockstraps.

Eventually I would own my own gay bondage emporium and sex dungeon.

>>1576498
get my dick sucked 500 000 000 000 times by /biz/

> hire truck
> take to bank
> tell the truth, I found it

>>1576515
become a gambling addict

>>1576498
Drugs

You don't need to launder it unless you want to use it to buy a house or something.

Say, if you're going to buy things that are going to be hidden in your house like a PC, screen, food, etc you can easily live off that until you die.

>>1587934
Can you name a people who were not/have not been persecuted? Cast out?

A religion? A race? An ethnicity? A nationality?

All have been. The only consistent rule seems to be that however is at the top of the pyramid (the most successful empire at the time) seems to do most of the persecuting, until they push too hard and get blowback/a backlash, either from a new empire or from within.

Imperialism and patriotism seem to work up to a point, until the upper classes either feel empathy, or taxation and interference causes the majority to feel oppressed and there is an uprising, revolution, or invasion.

>>1591003
I can understand one or a few times, but hundreds?
All for the same reason?

What a coincidence.

>>1576498
I'd invest it in kneepads.

>>1592204
For what you'll do once they catch you and put you in jail?

>>1576498
I'd call the police and have them investigate. That's what I pay taxes for.
After a certain time unclaimed, I get it anyway, but they'll probably require it as evidence against some mobster.
Especially if it's in dollars.

Once I get it, I'd pay taxes on it and deposit it into a bank account, after siphoning some off to pay for it to be transported there securely, because that is literally TONS OF MONEY.
Then I'd buy a couple of houses, stick some in a share portfolio of big stable companies that pay dividends, scurry some away somewhere to live on the interest, and try to grow the remainder by buying businesses.

>>1591005
What was the *specific reason?

>>1592498
Sneakily meddling in the country's affairs (using different techniques and approaches) for their benefit, and at the expense of the host country.
IIRC there were a few exceptions and borderline cases (since they used many different ploys and operations), but that's the main reason.

Go ask /pol/ if you want an in-depth explanation. They'll be happy to provide links.

Or you can just google something like "jews expulsions".

File: pebis grind.png (261KB, 355x371px) Image search: [Google]

261KB, 355x371px

I'd do a 360 and walk away. Didn't you watch No Country For Old Men? There's no way in hell I'm touching that.

>>1580484
>non arguments - the post

>>1576498
Id buy Britain

Every thing I buy would be in cash.

>>1586433
>I'd be a good boy
>call the police
cuck.

Buy 100000000 lottery tickets

>>1576498
You need to smuggle the money abroad on tax heavens so local authorities don't ask questions.
What can you do?
Buy a lot of assets.

>>1576512
>slowly launder it
you will never spend it in your lifetime that way

>>1578819
and you would but a huge magnifying glass... on yo ass

>>1581004
>more beds?
stubid bitch

>>1593649
>tax heavens
Brings a whole new meaning too the phrase "only things certain in life are death and taxes."

>>1580449
Thank you for having good taste anon.

>>1580616
>How would they catch you if you just paid in cash for everything?
If you spend 50 dollars a day, in cash, you would still only ballpark $360.000 over 20 years.

You don't launder money for small purchases. You launder it because it means you can use it for real investments, or a Ferrari if you are just in New Rich mood.

>>1579594
seems excessive

File: Jews in Guatemala.jpg (97KB, 883x884px) Image search: [Google]

97KB, 883x884px

>>1592498
Kek

>>1576498
I would do the following, in this order.

>Have the money stored at my parents or grandparents house since they have basements and live very quiet lives in the middle of nowhere while I complete the rest of the plan.

>Pay off my grandparents who have an 800 credit score to cosign on a loan for a good but not Ivy League university. (I've always wanted to go to Northwestern).

>Complete uni, get job.
>Improve credit by purchasing gas and booze on a card in uni.
>Get a mortgage on a bespoke home with a personal vault, vault must be distanced from the body proper of the structure so the cash doesn't burn to a crisp in a fire. Alternatively, a normal basement with a fat gun safe.
>Slowly bring money over bit by bit (bonus: I get to visit family)
>Lock it all away in vault
>Work normal job
>Hire an accountant/lawyer to see how best to minimize taxes when legitimizing the money
>Convert legit money to index funds, local business purchases, and gold, at a 65:20:15 ratio.
>Seal off basement with the $70,000,000 in gold
>Start family but never inform her of my stock money.
>Grow old
>Send a letter to my favorite, most autistic grandson that I bequeath my treasure to him.
>Leave all Probably two or three billion by now to my grandkid in the will.

>>1576498
casinos

File: 214331d1310658156-fs-2006-kleeman-k2-cl55-5895724943_41c828eee5_z.jpg (197KB, 640x427px) Image search: [Google]

197KB, 640x427px

I would by a couple of laundromats and vending machines (cash business makes it easy to launder and avoid taxes) and buy a older sports car and buy real estate and make more $$$

>>1593659
Is this bait or you're actually retarded?

Spend it.

>>1576498
I would call up Carol and tell here to find 99 people to split the cash with and then I'd incorporate a trading firm with my $5M so I could spend a few months learning how the forex reacts.

>>1591003
>Imperialism and patriotism seem to work up to a point, until the upper classes either feel empathy, or taxation and interference causes the majority to feel oppressed and there is an uprising, revolution, or invasion.
Just like Stalin, right guys?

Saved from page 10

Start a car repair business and "fix" my friends/family's "cars" for "huge amounts of money"