>Your official profession >What it really should be called

Information Technology
Try to get access to some data bases. Join some tables once a month

>Your official profession
Owner Operator flatbed driver

>What it really should be called
Truck stop food taste tester

>Your official profession
Numismatist
>What it really should be called
Coin counter, coin cleaner.

>business man(?)

>i buy random things in bulk from china and resell them for some profit on ebay and amazon-man

>>1535851
>>Your official profession
Warehouse Person

>>What it really should be called
Dogsbody
Gofer
Only One In The Department With Any GCSEs

>>1535851
>unemployed

>i sit at home and shitpost on 4chan

Civil Engineering

Quantity Analysis Program User

>corporate lawyer
>contract editor and scribe

Trader NEET

Im not rich, but i make enough to get by

>>1535863
>Truck stop food taste tester

Do truckers actually eat that shit? And how do they live to be 40? Back when I wanted to get into trucking I always swore that I would keep a cooler with healthy food in the truck.

>>1536002
It's a joke. Us flatbedders hardly run half as many miles as van drivers so they always ask us how the food is at truck stops.

>>1535912
Is having GCSEs meant to be impressive?

>>1535973
you should hire me; dying to do corporate work. in denver btw. am currently a 2L

>>1536012
Considering most Warehouse workers have come from countries which have different qualifications,
Used Car Salesmen

Professional Dream Peddler
Habitual Liar (when it comes to GM products)

>>1535883
Friendo, I've been thinking of doing something similar as a side income.

How much time does this eat from your daily?

Big hassle to find decent suppliers, as in quality for the price?

Also

Pest Management Service Specialist

That's actually an accurate title.

We can't literally eliminate pests in or around a building but we can roughly regulate their populations. The rest is smiling, being friendly and using big words to entertain lower management that signs our paperwork.

Compliance administrator

I think the title is actually really accurate as I work at a recruiting agency.

>Your official profession
Administrative Judge
>What it really should be called
Nullifier of acts and scolder of people

>>1536181
Is that like small claims court?

Industrial mechanic

Machine babysitter

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>>1535851
Software developer.

Programmer / autist

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>Account Executive
>Call customers all day trying to cell them services while sitting in a comfy chair drinking coffee

Base pay is like 65k with all quotas but I plan on getting 75k+ new year now that I know how to sell shit

Not bad for one year out of college

Also I work 60ish hours a week so its not bad at all.

Learn how to sell shit guys

>>1536362
sell* wow I'm drunk/retarded

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>>1536346
About to pull the trigger and declare myself as a CS major, freshman year
Do you like your life?

>>1535977
>Trader NEET
I don't think you know what neet is.

Whats itscalled: pipefittdr

What it should be called "i fit pipe together, yes it involves a pipe and fitting, dont fucking ask me what i do in it or i swear to god the next guy who asks me ill fucking kill him"

Management Accountant

Reddit shitposter

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>Your official profession
Engineer

>What it really should be called
Drafter

>Your official profession
Pipefitter
>What it really should be called
Guy who occasionally installs steel pipe but usually is shitposting on 4chan in the lunchroom.

>Rolls Royce Mechanic

Professional completer of puzzles

>>1535851

previous career:

IT professional / Lead Computer technician / Server/network administrator
Pro googler

current career:
Professional ebayer
scavenger, vulture, lowballer, hustler, rat

(As im always trying to scrounge up more deals and profitable inventory, and people selling off their collections or bulk of items for this or that reason is a goldmine, especially when its due to an emergency and they need money asap)

Geotechnical Engineer

Dirt Doctor

learning designer

what I actually do:
tit about with Photoshop and watch the walking dead then build an elearning module in 4 hours that my boss thinks took 5 days.

Graduate research trainee
Lab bitch

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>Your official profession
Financial Management Consultant

>What it really should be called
Common Sense Consultant

Mr. Client, you pay your salespeople 200k a year each when they only bring in 50k in business each. How you're still in business at all is beyond me.

>>1535977
Teach me your ways, I'm desperate to move to a non-client facing job. How much do you make?

>>1536362
>I work 60 hours a week
>for 65k
>it's not bad at all guise

Idiot

Valet attendant

First I park your car, then I fuck your bitch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYfceJhgvRM

Process Improvement Facilitator
Professional 4chan User with Occasional Good Ideas

>>1536508
What do you do you loser? Trade meme currencies? do you even have a job?

>>1536596
are you blind? >>1536513

>>1536508
I work 60 hours a week for 47k. Idk why... I really love my job for some reason I guess because I'm too busy to think about anything but work.

>director of logistics

>counselor to whiney fucking truck drivers

>>1535851
>businessman
>phone call middleman

Accountant (industry)

Excel monkey

IT Help Desk

Abuse Taker

Prime Brokerage Analyst

Excel and Bloomberg bitch

Business Development Manager

Shit Cleaner , though I do love the job and can get away with 2 hours actual work when we r not busy.

>>1535851

what a cute pic of homer

Businessman/day trader

Researcher of human behaviour

>>1536451
>current career:
>Professional ebayer
>scavenger, vulture, lowballer, hustler, rat

Same here

The margins in 2nd hand goods can be real tasty

Project Manager
PowerPoint presentation proofreader & professional nagger

>>1535851
>Your official profession
Securities Trader

>What it should really be called
Retired

>>1535851
Software Eningeer
Stackoverflow/Google

waiter
everybody's little bitch

feels bad man

Sales and Training Representative

annoy best buy employees and take pictures of computers.

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>>1535851
>Your official profession
Software Release Engineer
>What it really should be called
Suicide Aspirant

CAD Operator

Selling barely complete designs online

>>1535851
>\biz\nessman

>shill PnD cryptos 4lyf

NEET

Comfy ^_^

>>1535851
Data Analyst

Excel Bitch

>>1535851
>type designer
Monk

Technical Solutions Analyst
"Listen to know-it-all doctors bitch at you, then teach them how double-clicking works"

>security researcher
>web hacking wizard

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>unemployed
>free

>>1535851

student

man willing go give up his anal virginity for an internship

>>1535883
That's called vending

Electrician
Cable Pulling Monkey

NEET

autistic manchild

>Pizza Delivery Driver

>Accurate Title

>>1535851
Unemployed/Affiliate Marketing Professional

Suicidal Depression

>Senior Financial Analyst
>excel monkey

>>1536362

someone sold you on that shitty car

>>1535851
>Human Intelligence Collector
>Trading cigarettes for names

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Computer Technician.
Retards' Helper.

Liability Information Analyst

should be: data entry clerk

>Editor

>Illustration picking ad salesman

Landlord

Money transfer recipient

>>1535851

Proces operator

Coffee drinker

Commercial Real Estate Advisor

Space presenter

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>>1536362
>>1536508

>small business owner


Coffee drinker, web surfer

>>1535851
>Your official profession
Barista
>What it really should be called
Lib-arts grad hell.

Mechatronics engineer

Combine existing tech and create 'innovative' solutions

> doctor
Life saver :^)

>>1537473
Sup officer

>>1537559
I just imagine some schmuck in a cheap suit leading buyers into an empty warehouse and making the "tada!" stance.

>>1537288
Sounds fun, what are the perks?

>>1535851
Mech. Eng. Student

Boderline suicidal HP calculator number inputter

>>1536502
This sounds like my kind of job.

Unemployed
Funemployed

>>1537929
>Doctor
Lawsuit aficionado

>>1537563
Is that supposed to be something to be proud of?

>>1536473
Sounds like you could start your own business and produce content X10 faster than the competition (current company)

>systems administrator
>error code Googler

>>1536362
65k for 60 hrs....

> Mobile app Developer
> Make shit appear on a screen for dumb people to oo and ah for.

70k starting, <40 hours a week.

>>1535851
Fuel tanker driver....
Fuel tanker driver?

Shipboard Photographer

Shipboard canvas salesman

Receptionist at a small luxury hotel

Professional smokebreaker

>science student with a 1.5 GPA
>suicide contemplator

Slot machine attendant.

Professional circle walker and money giver.

>>1535851

Programmer

Stackexchange and google ethusiast

field engineer

Dirt inspector

>>1540975
Extremely accurate

>>1536791
stackoverflow/google advice QA is your real title

>business owner
>unemployed leech

Philanthropist

Being a human being

Actuarial consultant.

Pretty accurate. I fucking love my job.

>baker

>professional guy-who-picks-things-up-and-puts-them-down

>UPS Driver
>Khornate Berzerker In Training

RING! KNOCK! DROP! RING! KNOCK! DROP!

>Your official profession
Network Engineer
>What it really should be called
Visio bitch and senior documentation copy and paster

Cop

Nigger killer

it manager

jew space battle

>>1540695
Cool bro enjoy getting laid off when Ramesh comes on his visa to do your work for 1/2 the price

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>>1535851
>IT Consultant
>beta tester and box&line painter

>>1536386
Software Engineer here

Only been working for a couple of years concentrating mainly on Java development of microservices. I love my job when I have work but the days can drag on a bit near the end of a sprint (AGILE). Writing up documentation and dealing with managers/clients is the worst part.

Consultant

Scapegoat

>Your official profession
Project Manager
>What it really should be called
Baby Sitter

Expected a whole different level of professionalism when i first started this job.

Sys admin

Printer and wifi guy

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Education Assistant: Technology

Budget tech teacher with Google Chrome on the school supply list

Nuclear physicist
Work dodger

>>1535851
Finance Student

Severe yellow fever sufferer

>>1543021
My company already got burned by pajeet. I'm good for life. Stay mad, NEET

Computer technician/webdev

Professional 4chan shitposter

customer service specialist

Call center cuck
Explain confusing and overpriced plans to irate customers

Aircraft mechanic

Old Man Yells At Helicopter

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Steel trader.

Fraud avoidance/due diligence guy.

>>1543342
Are you "don't learn Mandarin" man?

>>1543355

Yep

>>1543367
I'm currently learning Mandarin. Red pill me?

>>1543367
Neat

I will make sure to not learn Mandarin

HAHAHAHAHA

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>>1543373

There's an image floating around that goes into more detail with my dealings with the Chinese.
Protip: since writing it the shenanigans haven't stopped, saved a client a few hundred thousand dollars few days ago by pointing out the company they were about to send money to a tower crane supplier that was blatantly fraudulent. They were a company that seemed to do their due diligence on all suppliers, but didn't seem to notice that a tower crane supplier with 3 employees registered last year in Beijing's art district with $100,000 in start-up capital w/ prices ~20% below market value seems a bit fishy. Whatever.

tl;dr version, don't do what makes economic sense, do what makes the best sense in terms of quality of life, because that's what you'd use money to get anyway. I would argue Chinese is almost never the right choice for a westerner.

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>>1543394
Holy shit you're the mandarin story anon?

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>>1543407


--> >>1543367

I'm back in the west at the moment. Went on vacation after dealing with an extremely stressful period.

We were shipping 600 tons of color steel (roofing steel, non-corrugated) to a massive ($400m+ in revenue) Azerbaijani client we're good friends with; we were on very good terms with our Chinese supplier so they gave us favorable terms, 50% down payment + 50% after the goods arrive in port in Poti, Georgia. Payment terms for the Azerbaijanis were 100% CIF, aka when the goods reach the port in Poti they pay us 100% of the value of the steel minus their down payment.

The Azerbaijanis are quite traditional and don't have a particularly professional, western set-up to their company. It's more family-oriented. So the 600 tons of steel arrive in port, all things are good and shipshape. However, as it turns out, the father of the guy who's in charge of payments died, and the payment guy didn't designate anyone to fulfill his duties in his stead. As a result, we waited two weeks for them to finally arrange payment to us.

The entire time while we were waiting for payment from the Azerbaijanis the Chinese are hammering us about payments. Our contact with them was getting increasingly stressed out, he began freaking out because, you know, we were getting *really* fucking late on the payment, and due to other obligations we didn't have a few hundred thousand dollars to pay the Chinese off and keep them good and happy; rest was all tied up in other steel projects. So the Azerbaijanis finally arrange payment on Saturday of the second week, everything's good and wonderful and whatever. Problem is, at the same time the Chinese issued a recall notice, stating that they were taking the steel back. The Azerbaijanis called their customs broker on Monday of the third week to see if the steel was released yet, their customs broker promptly informs them that there's a recall notice issued against the steel.

cont

>>1543441
>Gaming Attendant
>Gambling Enabler/Encourager

>>1543441
Holy shit bro, not sure I want to hear the end of this.

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>Your official profession
Business Analyst
>What it really should be called
Salesperson babysitter / mind reader


Posting shitty Boomer humour because fuck you

>>1543259
I'm in the same boat. It's jarring hearing three different Asian languages in suburban USA.

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>>1543441

So the Azerbaijanis in the finance department cancel the payment and accuse of trying to scam them, i.e. they'd send payment and we'd just recall the goods back to China and leave them high and dry. Obviously we're freaking the fuck out too because if the Chinese recall the steel, we lose our down payment (50% of the value of the steel). The Azerbaijanis demand that we open a container to let them inspect and make sure that there was actually steel in the containers. Obviously we couldn't do that because we can't just unseal containers we don't own and let people look inside (we only own them after the Chinese release them to us) which made the Azerbaijanis even more suspicious. They refused payment until we let them inspect, but we couldn't let them inspect until we received payment. Needless to say, this made them even more suspicious. The Georgian port officials refused bribes and the Chinese refused to let us buy just one container, insisting we buy everything in one go. We were at an impasse. We immediately have one of the Russian managing partners fly down to Baku to go speak directly with the CEO, who was absent due to an illness and as a result couldn't tell the finance guys to stop being a bunch of fucking retards. After spending a day with the CEO and explaining the situation, the guy finally arranges payment only to have the finance guys FUCK UP ON OUR GOD DAMN BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER MEANING THAT WE COULDN'T RECEIVE THE MONEY. So that was on Tuesday US time, aka Wednesday Azerbaijan/China time. So we had two days to get the money to the Chinese before we take a huge loss. We call the CEO immediately after seeing their bank receipt and pointing out that one of their accountants fat fingered our account number, he immediately informs his bank and arranges a new payment to be sent as soon as the money returns to their account.

>>1543342
Hey that's a great album.
https://dreamcatalogue.bandcamp.com/album/--18

>>1543466
God damn anon. I want to buy you a whole bar.

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>>1543466

In the end we got the money to the Chinese with ~4 hours left before the deadline, I called our contact immediately and had them issue a telex release to stop the recall notice and release the steel into our control.

Avoided disaster by the skin of my teeth. For the sprinkles on top of this shit sundae, the Chinese shipper ignored shipping instructions and packaged two sets of coils together to save space; problem is, one set was going to Tbilisi and the other to Baku, so we had the take the coils out of their 24 or so containers and arrange them by production number so that they got to the correct destination. Also, as the steel supplier we were dealing with was a subsidiary of a holding company, they had to pay ~$1500 in fees for being late on paying the holding company. We paid those fees for them, but I'm afraid they won't be giving us good terms any time soon as a result of this debacle.

On the bright side, the Azerbaijanis did remark that the steel was extremely high quality, so I there's a plus.

So I'm on vacation now. I still get occasional calls like the one for the tower cranes, "hey can you beat this price?" Shit like that.

I'm going to go get some breakfast, it's mid-day already.

>>1543489
god bless mandarin anon

Control & Automation Engineer

Catch 22 unemployed

>>1543441
>>1543466
>>1543489
God, that was an incredible read. Considering sending it along to my SCM professor. Enjoy life in the West while you're still here anon!

>>1543489
THIS IS WHY I COME TO 4CHINZ, THANK YOU.

Cart pusher
Just... mover, in general.

>>1535851
Shady online investor
WHY DOES MONEY KEEP APPEARING IN MY BITCOIN WALLET

>>1543489
>>1543466
>>1543441
I'm super stressed out because of similar problems in my job but damn, this is a whole other level of stress.

Thanks for the read, you gave me some things to think about

Options trader
Just stamp the ticket guy

Web Developer
Manual Reader

>>1536685
You fuckers fuck everyone in the ass to get the fucking contract signed, it's then down to the project manager to deal with the shit you left us with. Fuck you.

>>1540879
aha

>>1543270
not even a neet, enjoy automation

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>>1543538

Feel free to send him the story.

On an unrelated note, just got a call, apparently we're also renting out a customs license/purchasing an existing company which has one and starting a shipping company in Russia now because the Russians are so incompetent when it comes to customs/goods movement that it boggles the mind. Guess I get to start on that next week. We've apparently been specifically requested by about 4-5 major Russian clients to just do their shipping for them because they're sick of all the bullshit too, so I guess we're doing that now. Sick of having to pay bribes to those fucks in the customs offices too, last time we had a 46 ton shipment coming through, the customs officials insisted it was 48 tons and that we'd have to pay a few hundred extra in customs duties despite the shipping company + the Chinese supplier both saying the weight was 46 tons. Curiously, even though we'd have to pay customs duties on 48 tons, the final tax bill was based on 46 tons of goods. Go figure. They were threatening to delay us by weeks until they could arrange a weighing. I want to kill these people. Few months ago they hit us for $17,000 by insisting that the stainless steel rods we had coiled up (you can do that with the thinner ones instead of cutting them into straight bars, makes it easier to ship + easier for our client, who requires a continuous feed of bars) were wires and not rods, again despite all documentation pointing to the opposite; we're suing to get that back though. I honestly feel bad for your average Russian company that has to deal with this bullshit.

If you ever wondered where all those D students in high school and university went, they all went into shipping. Fucking hell.

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>>1543739
Russia is a vast country anon

I remember watching some TV documentary about a Kazakh truck driver who drove all the way up through Siberia
>he has to drive across a frozen lake
>trucks regularly break into the ice
>they use one of those old-timey diving suits like in pic related to go down into the lake and check if they can get the trucks back out
Your steel might very well be at the bottom of a frozen Soviet lake

Project manager
Switchboard operator but with e-mails instead of phone

>>1543718
> knowing so little about electronics that you think my job can be automated.

Not for another 50 years at least.
Stay mad

Entry level Congressional Staffer

Bitch, and professional user of the Googles.

>game developer
>extreme procrastinator

Apartment Manager

referee at the food stamp games

>>1535851
Technical Officer
>Dust Janitor

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>>1536513
ayyy another valet
>mfw paid way too much to whip other people's cars around

>>1543925
lol are you at a C class property? How are your googles? Have they all gotten bed bugs yet?

>>1543739
Yourself included?

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>Private security proffesional

>expensive live-in prositute with a gun.

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>>1544017

Hah, we'll see. Given how low the bar is set, though, I think we'll compare pretty favorably. Intra-Russia shipping usually isn't a problem, it's just anything where goods have to cross a border, that's an issue. You have to understand how bad the situation is in Russia when it comes to that industry, that a manufacturer would ask a supplier rather than a dedicated shipping company/customs broker to do their logistics for them because the latter have proven themselves so incompetent at their jobs. I don't really know if an analogous non-political example exists in the west, because all the markets over here are pretty well served. I guess it would be like asking a biologist to perform medical services for your family because the local doctors can't stop killing patients.

We've had Russian international shipping companies screw us on contractual obligations e.g. compensation, lie to us, send things to the wrong place, etc etc etc. We've pretty much run down the list of Russian companies that offer those services and haven't found a single good one. The latest company lied to us about submitting customs documents and when called on the lie cited the rainy weather as the reason they couldn't submit the documents for a week, aka send an email. Shipment's ~1.5 weeks late now, thankfully this is a generic stock request and not supplies for some guy trying to complete a tender. Anyway, given our experiences with the Russian intl. shipping companies I think we can do a better job, and apparently our clients think we can do a better job too. So we're going to give it a shot. Who knows, maybe this is just insanely complicated and only looks like basic sub-contracting and scheduling and we're getting in over our heads, but we'll see.

>>1535851
>Your official profession
Woodworker
>What it really should be called
Designer's Bitch

>>1536631
Kek

>Product manager
>Credit-taker

feels well-paid man

Industrial Maintenance man

Budget Engineer

>>1544034
wouldn't it be smart to have a bodyguard that looks like a prostitute/mistress but is actually trained and armed?

UI/UX Designer

Professional rectangle arranger

>Navy Pilot
>Top Gun

>>1535863
Hey there driver!!!

At least u flatbed. My fat ass hauled reefer and gained 50 pounds.

Drive safe out there.

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>>1536002
Not him but yeah i did. Flying J:
>u want 5 hour heatlamp crusted half price burger and cheese sticks anon or this $9 brow salad?

Just fuck my shit up senpai.


Oh, 2 for 5 on 32oz monsters? Gimme 4 of them shits.

I cooked some canned shit but meh. Hard to shop when all u can stop at is a walmart distribution center in bumbfuck iowa or a truck stop in the desert. I mean, i could probably hunt down a lizard instead of eating fried shit but why bother.

>live till 40

My family history of heart disease and daily drinking will probably make sure i don't have to worry about that.

Pic related

Glorious cheese dogs.

>>1536612
>whiny fucking truckdrivers.

Fuck you and fuck the rest of yall desk jockey dm shits.

If u faggots let us run the route we want and understood math and simple physics we wouldnt be dodging swift crashes or being late

Kys


Fucking cock piece of shit.

We cant drive 80000 miles in 45 minutes in goverened trucks going into bullshit rushour traffic instead of going around.


4chan meet "the reason your chicken twnders doubled in price."


Die

Die

Die
Fucking die...

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>>1543934
Loader Operator.

Dust manufacturing facility director. Channenge accepted janitoro bro. 70mph wind right now. This shit be sandblasting your chinkshit.

Come at me bro!

Driller on a service rig

Babysit 5 chads, oil spill cleaner

neet

neet

>Your official profession
Stock Trader/FOREX Trader

>What it really should be called
Slightly educated gambling addict

>>1535851
Segretary
Idling professional

>>1544369
Calling your bluff, goose. Pics or it didn't happen.

>Your official profession
Chemical Engineer

>What it really should be called
Modified Corn Starch operator.

>>1544728
feet
e
e
t

>>1544831
Did you know you'd be doing that kind of work (operating modified Corn starch) going into that field, or did it come as a surprise after going through college?

I only ask asked when I think chemical engineer, I get lab coats and goggles, test tubes and the like. Corn starch operator doesn't exactly sound glorious.

I also ask because my wife goes to school for biology atm and we both keep wondering what work life in the stem field is going to look like for her. (unrelated, I know, but I'm just poking for insight.)

>>1544846
nigger chemical engineering is setting up chemical processes efficiently as possible (eg industrial manufacture of such and such), not testing zygotes

t. engineering student w/ friends doing chem eng

would you believe it that we're attractive graduate employees for financial firms?

management accountant

>the excel guy

>>1544856
>nigger chemical engineering
Neato, I didn't know they have classes on that now. Is that like civil engineering except that you're actually building a system to direct clean water -away- from certain parts of town?

Really tho, if that's all engineering is, sounds comfy as fuck. No wonder the job market is so crowded, or so I hear.

>>1544867
>not calling yourself "the excellerator"

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>>1544209
>I don't really know if an analogous non-political example exists in the west

hydrogeologist

glorified spreadsheet jockey

>>1543367
Please give us more stories bro!!

>financial analyst

> data downloader and pivot table operator

>>1546349
>>1546349
>Fixed Asset Accountant

>Sticker Checker

>>1535851

Security Guard
Gate button presser/homework doer

>>1535851
Network Engineer

The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

>>1535851
>Unemployed
>Purgatory

>>1535851
grocery department manager

that guy who helps keep civilization from collapsing
or
the monster who refuses to carry that obscure brand of cat food Mr. Fluffy likes

Seriously some disaster strikes and I am the one working to make sure people can buy food, because with people can't buy food things get ugly fast

>>1546576

better than working at ON THE RUN in South Australia, they don't even pay you sick pay even THough THEY TEACH You your entitle to it thru their traineeship program, lot of them are a bunch of crooks.

>>1535851

>Dominoes Pizza Delivery Driver

>Regional Advanced professional pizza delivery operations coordinator

>Junior officer Prudential Affairs & Accounting and Project Manager

>Secretary, Professional email writer and forwarder

I work for a bank federation. My bosses are huge micro managers so I have to have them write off on every little thing I do. Feels like i'm barely even an adult. On the bright side I'm good at taking shit from people as long as it gets me ahead. the job is low stress (40hrs) and I got promoted after 6 months. Get a brand new mercedes company car in 2 weeks.

>>1545909
Iam planning on going into this exact field, please elaborate on what you do and if you enjoy it. Do you have any field work?

>>1547233
well its actually called Delivery Expert buuuut

>>1535915
kek

Poker player
Equity analyst

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>>1546336

Well, most of the really fun stuff I can't go into, but there was one fun situation which I actually had absolutely zero knowledge of at the time, and that was basically we inadvertently hired the Russian mob to enforce debt collection once.

A few years back when we were just starting out, we made a shipment of raw materials worth ~$15000 to a Russian company based in a city near the Ural mountains. At the time we were working with a (now former) good friend of one of the Russian partners. He was coordinating shipping. It just so happens that that town was his hometown.

Anyway, the shipment arrived, container opened and unloaded with no problems, everything seemed to be completely fine. The company accepted and goods and then... nothing. The company didn't pay us any money. The days dragged on, eventually turning into weeks, and we were receiving no word at all from the Russian company. They didn't respond to telephone calls, emails, and when one of the Russian partners went there in person to knock on their door, the windows were shuttered and no on answered. Obviously they were trying to give us the run around.

Now at the time we didn't have much money to throw around, litigation was to us an extremely expensive option. Instead, we opted to go with a debt collection agency to try to get what was owed to us, as we had no idea what to do and lawyers were out of the picture. The Russian partner's friend stated that he knew just the people to get that sort of thing done and asked us for $1000 (a good sum of money in Russia) to hire out the "debt collection agency" and get the job done.

So we send the money to the friend, and lo and behold, not two days later we receive a letter from the Russian company profusely apologizing, and the day after the $15000 in its entirety, just like that. We congratulated the Russian friend on his choice in "debt collection company".

Afterwards, the Russian partner took the friend out for drinks.

cont

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>>1549137

During the course of their conversation, the topic changed the to debt collection agency as we were extremely keen to know the name of the company so that we could hire their services in the future. Getting a payment that quickly is fucking insane.

So the Russian partner's friend finally relayed to him exactly what had happened:

Basically, the guy still kept around a few extremely unsavory friends from back in the day for this type of occasion. After confirming that they were up for the job, he transferred the $1000 to the unsavory types and let them go about their business.

What they did is, they used part of the $1000 to buy a pauper's coffin and an extremely elaborate funeral wreath like pic related (this has some sort of additional connotation in Russia apparently, not sure exactly what though) and kept the rest as their fee. They called ahead to make sure that the owner of the company was in the office, and posed as deliverymen. Carrying the coffin + wreath, they marched into his office, dropped the coffin on the floor in front of his desk and put the wreath on top of it, the wreath being addressed to the owner personally, they took off their gloves and then marched right out. Apparently that scared the living shit out of him and he paid us immediately, because he thought that he had cheated the mob.

Afterwards the Russian partner was thoroughly spooked as well because you do not ever want to have any association with those types of people. We kept the Russian friend at arms-length because doing that sort of shit is a great way to end up in a Russian prison and our Russian partners really didn't want to end up tortured into giving their shares up to some corrupt policeman. We still have some clients referred to us via the Russian friend (everyone likes competent procurers) but we've never contracted him out for anything since, at best we take him out for drinks on occasion. I wish I was in person to hear that conversation though.

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Lawn Care/Landscaper

>"Lady, for the hundredth goddamn time, it's not our job to pick up your dog's shit. And if you were water your fucking lawn every once in a while, your grass wouldn't look like the surface of Mars."

>>1543718
if any job is going to be automated, your job is most likely. Programming is the least likely job to be automated you fuckwit. The idea itself is beyond what can theoretically be done by a computer.

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>>1536631
IT Help Desk Consultant

Know-It-All/Google Master

>>1549137
>>1549179
Why do you make up stories on 4chan?

Aerospace Software Engineer

Fire-Fighter

>>1536791
Truth

>>1540915
Truth

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>>1549370

I don't but w/e.

Most of this stuff is significantly more boring in real life than it sounds.

>>1535851
>student (in Europe)
>NEET who has to read a few lecture notes and show up at uni for exams once every 6 months

>>1536181
Fuck admin judges, pretending you have separation of police and courts, when you just rubberstamp all their bullshit tickets from behind a glass panel. It's shit like that that cause violent revolutions mate. Just remember when someone burns your house down and kills your kids, you had a choice, you had a choice not to be a tool of a repressive government. And when you get shoot in your back, you had it coming.

>Unemployed
>Living the dream

business intelligence developer

>business intelligence developer

>>1536631
It's ok bro.

Title:
>System Administrator

What it should be called:
>IT Help Desk

>>1535851
Client relationship manager or private banker
Rich folks babysitter

>>1544831

Similar

>chemical engineer

>central files auditor

>>1544856

ChemE here

I explain cheme as: what a chemist does on the scale of grams and milliliters, we do on a scale of tons and meters cubed.

Industrial mechanic
Engineering department un-fucker

>>1550333
Except, while real chemists get to play with shit, you have to put exact amounts of x in y mixture or else your shit explodes. You're literally a cook. Not even a chef. A child could say, "put that predefined amount of sulfer on that wedge of predefined carbon.

>>1550371
Electrical engineer
Make-this-thing-work guy.

>>1543448
>boomer humor

Back when I was a kid I always though that Dilbert comics were memes.

Until I was in a premeeting for a meeting to discuss our proposal.

And that was the day I died a little bit inside.

>>1550456
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwvoHZ0Gf3U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVfnd5r8bM0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU-mKsQLWXQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCuOlyMlJD0

>>1543441
Dude, get the fuck out, I mean not all at once - but once you find a better niche.
This is heart attack/stroke inducing shit.

>>1550456
It was something like
*premeeting->meeting (3/?)->proposal pres

>>1550554
Oh and I had a call with someone to talk about the point of the premeeting, so it really was

call->premeeting->meeting(3/?)->proposal pres

and during that call with one of the other people on the project, I considered switching careers to a fisherman in the woods.

>>1535851
Security Officer

Private policy enforcement and Liability Negation officer.

But I'll stick with security officer. Changing the title to what I would call it would be like putting lipstick on a rotting pig.

>IT support technician
Babysitter for the tech illiterate

>>1535851
Marine
Armed Mediator with a specialization in conflict resolution

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>>1550591

Are you me?

I've been on the verge of posting this several times but just not bothered. It's like free money. Shhh though, before they work it out and I'll be out of a job

>>1550438
>we need a part that cost 50 dollars and maybe an hour to fix this 500 dollar thing
>50 dollars!? We'll have to think about it
>?????
Some idiot just orders a new version of the thing
>"we need to cut budgets from engineering, unexpected high costs, etc."

>>1549589
BLM plz go

>>1550406
One of those things is applicable in the real world and requires knowledge, the other has to beg for funding and is basically calculated shots in the dark.

>computer technician

>professional computer duster

> Tax consultant

> Powerpoint professional

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>NYC Truck driver

>Professional Parking Ticket Acquisition Specialist

Took pic related the other day. Hadnt even applied air brakes when she started writing.

>>1535851
>NEET

>professional 4 chan shitposter
>masturbation marathoner
>takeway reviewer

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>Your official profession
Gym Operator

>What it really should be called
Bodybuilder
Professional eater/shitter
Girls-in-yogapants butt inspector
Anything to do in 8 hours of deadtime doer.

Stock Broker
Customer Service Rep

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>>1550591
>>1550732
>I know nothing about what my company does here
>but I know how to find stuff in Windows
>I'm so smart everyone else is so dumb
you'll get a better job soon I bet

>>1536632

i also work in institutional forex on the broker side

that title perfectly describes my job too... lol

Medical scientist
Machine oporator.

>>1535922
>>1536441

Just wait until later, when it turns into:

>Civil Engineer

>Proposal developer
>Project manager
>Supervisor
>Client relations manager
>Literally anything and everything except what you spent $50,000 going to college to do

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>Retail Reset

A visible, physical version of autism.

>marketing manager
>4chan shitposter

>>1554076
I know that feel.
Autism

Copywriter
>Professional Bullshit Artist

>>1554076
if you look along the edges, you can see that its actually two separate 4-bar candies. clever picture though. mind if i save it?

>B&B Clerk
>Corporate cocksucker (we're corporately owned)

>>1549458
I live in Colombia and the shipping logistics are not easy also, the market for exotic metals such as titanium, palladium and rhodium is unatended, I am thinking on setting on an import export business to bring those metals in small quantities here, do you know any supplier? Also, have you acquired any experience on exoric metals?

>>1553944
>BIM Manager

>>1536616
Beat me to this one.

Actuary

Excel monkey

>>1541292
Whatup bro. FCAS, work for an insurance company. Might be interested in the consulting side someday, I know the pay is better but hours can be longer. Right now an insurer is a better fit for me. Less pressure which I don't need right now, I have a chronic illness. Can't imagine clients would appreciate me running to the bathroom in the middle of their reserve review.

In Chicago, I presume?