How do I get a nice settlement out of some jew corporation?

Settlements are often based on lost earnings.
If you're a neet with no dependents then any settlement will be comparatively low. Unless you do permanent damage to yourself.

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>>1323740
I am willing

>>1323744
I dunno. Take a bath while making toast.

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>>1323828
Thank you. I will be rich soon

I handle these claims.

One could walk around stores looking for things to hurt themselves on.

Loose wood panels, security tags that fell off, cracked glass, wobbly fixtures. Anything in a "big name" store that shouldnt be like it is.
Tags are the best. One could find a tag and step on it just enough to bleed. When reported one could say they are going to the doctor for a tet shot and antibiotics.

>>1323866
Who would I report this to? What should my actions be immediately after hurting myself?

>>1323894
Go to any associate and tell them what happened.

"I was walking here and stepped on this tag. My foot is bleeding."

A person will come offer an ambulance. Deny it but tell them you are going to the doctor (you have to actually go because they want to verify). Doctor isnt always necessary but it helps. If you step on a loose tag, stub your toe on a fixture out in the walkway or trip over a raised ledge then you will get paid.

People do this as a job, going around getting hurt.

>>1323727
I would castrate yourself.
The payout is always really high for that one.

>>1323909
>people do this as a job
Can you go into more detail?
Wouldn't the cops do a background check and figure out the guy had a history of this sort of shit.l?

>>1325596
It's all coincidence, they can't prove you're deliberately hurting yourself. It's still your right to sue.

You don't even need to do all that. Large corporations and school boards use a pretty straightforward formula for deciding which cases to fight and which cases to settle:

If the cost of fighting the case is likely to exceed the settlement you're asking for, they cut you a check. It doesn't matter how bogus your claim is...

Jesus, just walk into a Victoria's Secret, ask for a job, and then sue them for not giving you one based on your gender. Sue for the maximum amount in small claims. You'll get a call from their attorney offering a settlement. Guaranteed.

If they play hard ball with you, just say these magic words: "I'm considering amending the lawsuit and transferring it out of small claims..."

They'll probably tell you to go fuck yourself and hang up on you, but they'll call back by the end of the week and give you what you're asking for.