>be me >blazing >high as balls >the hunger awakens

I once forgot to put water in my cup of noodles before I put it in the microwave. Shit was on fire before I even knew what was going on

I rubbed my dick raw while masturbating on meth. I couldn't even get hard. I came completely limp

>>744928944
That happened to me too lol
>Be me
>Living with parents while im in uni
>I woke up in the morning and i walked around and couldnt find my mom or dad
>I figure i might as well smoke some weed and get some food
>Smoke inside (My parents did not know that i smoked weed)
>super dank inside so i open all the windows
>Make food and go eat in my room
>Finish food and now the horny sets in
>Turn on pr0n and start fapping intensely moaning as loud as i wanted no one was home so fuck it
>Best nut of my life
>clean up
This is when shit gets wild
>They were just in the shed out back doing shit
>All the windows were open
>They heard me nut
>House smells like herb
>Dad was super disappointed in me, mom didn't even want to look at me

>I got really stoned before my domestic flight
>I checked in and was waiting at the gate to board the plane
>I decided to pass the time reading a book: biography of RHCP's lead singer
>had my headphones on listening to RHCP, reading that book
>it's a near-midnight flight
>fail to notice my name being hailed on the PA and the final call to board my flight
>as it's midnight the rest of the domestic airport is closed and I'm stuck there
>no smartphone to use the free wifi to book new flight
>have to take a taxi to my former employer's house because I'm too pussy to own up to parents - they'd kill me
>show up unannounced at 0200 to former employer's house. A man who's rubbing sleep from his eyes greets me at the door
>"Oh hey anon, come in..."
>no other questions asked
>offers me a few snacks for the plane and fronts me the money for a flight
>another $500 and a few hours later I'm back on my way to Sydney

>>744930821
That's a good one

>>744931666
Trips don't lie

>>744928944
>>744929166
>>744931666

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>>744931666

>>744931955
THIS THREAD IS ON FIRE

Put a jar of shitty Jif peanut butter inside of the oven instead of the fridge.

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>>744930821
The red hot chili peppers are garbage and you're a fucking idiot.

>>744928820
>Be me
>Last December, almost Christmas
>High af
>can't afford christmas presents but want to get my family members something good
>walking around Target
>just going to buy cards, but see a lot of cool stuff i wish I could buy
>Have reusable bag, start putting things in it
>Fill bag with stuff I want but can't afford
>Get in line
>Walk by everyone in line and go straight for the door
>Walk out
>Alarms don't go off
>Go to car and empty bag
>ohshititworked.jpeg
>Should have left
>didn't
>Go back in store with same bag, empty
>Start filling it up again
>Walk straight to the door
>Get tackled by security
>Really bad night

>>744933496
>Post stupid things you've done while high
Thanks for pointing out the obvious

>>744929774
>>744928944
Gotdamn son y'all motherfuckers are...my sides..w-where

>be me
>need to mail some shit some shit
>take long ride to post office after work
>sparks blunt On the ride on the way down
>park the bucket and try to figure what to do with this blunt.
>forget to remove federal govt ID
>no ashtray no bottle or anything. Think to myself "yea put it on dashboard. It'll only be a minute."
>get out there car standing in ridiculous line
>smell burnt ashes
>thinking some dumbass just got done smokin a cig.
>ash smell stronger
>legit confused
>old bitch at register doesn't look up. Until I get there. She robotically does her job and does a double take at me.
>she lets out this huge sigh I'm like wtf is this attitude about?
>thinks oh yea she hates cigarettes too

Get back in my car and I start freakin out because I couldn't find the juicy joint I had. Searched for too long until I gave up and sat back into the chair...it fell in my lap...it was in my ear the whole time. Super fat doobie dankin up the post office with my work badge on.

>>744934407
fuck thats gold

>>744928820
You ALLWAYS stay with the food while it's cooking

>>744933721
You a ginger? Seems like a ginger.

>>744928820
Water doesn't evaporate that fast, even when boiling. My guess is you forgot to put water at all.

>>744934847
I appreciate your input

>>744934407
10/10

>>744928820
Did the same fucking thing anon, only it was hash-browns.

>be me
>put oil in pan to heat up while hash browns soak
>crank the heat, I'm hungry
>go in room to smoke a bowl
>immediately forget about food
>smoke alarm goes off.
>OHH SHIIIT
>run into the kitchen to see a foot of flames on the pan
>grab the pan and turn 180 to dump the oil into the sink
>oil's like "nah"
>spills all onto the carpet
>melts the carpet
>place tiny ikea rug over it for the rest of my lease
>ends up costing me $150 out of my deposit
>welp.jpg

pamp

>>744934649
im a white girl

>>744929166
I know that feel bro.

>>744933302
lol wut

>>744933721
God damn you are seriously stupid
This doesn't even have shit to do with weed you're just one dumb fucking asshole

>>744938543
Weed makes people do dumb shit at times lmao that's the point of the thread he was high when he did this shit

>>744938711
exactly, thank you lol. I would never try that shit sober. idk what i was thinking. actually, I do. being high, my mind thought of it this way:
"wow i guess they don't pay attention as long as you have a reusable bag"

When I'd get high in hs I'd chew gum and lick my fingers so they wouldn't smell like weed and no one would know I was getting high. Made my breath all minty so they couldn't smell that either. My friends thought it was brilliant. None of us considered our clothes smelling like weed.

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>be me
>15
>high
>get home
>"hi mom"
>"why do you smell like axe and weed you idiot did you really think that shit was going to hide it or something"
>mfw