An old woman approaches and offers to grant you 1 wish. It can

>>744899162
I wish OP wasn't a faggot.

To know the lottery numbers 1 day in advance.

>>744899162
learn in that same moment the meaning of life

>>744899162
The old woman to suck my dick, but my dick is to be unharmed.

The ability to feel an LSD high whenever I feel like it

>>744899393
You should say
The correct lottery numbers everyday so I can successfully win the lottery the next day

>>744899162
I wish for her to instantly die with no ill effects for me whatsoever

I know I gain nothing, but I wish that anyway since she is such a bitch interpreting it in the worst way

>>744899605
winrar

>>744899560
Enjoy the bad trips

>>744899162
I wish for full control of luck at zero costs (doing something, concentration, etc are all "costs").

>>744899162
”I wish to meet the person who will give me the most fulfilling, satisfying, and happiest sexual relationship in my life in a fashion that would be conducive to us having that relationship as soon as possible – someone who is:

a) Living and will not die until at least the moment of my own death,
b) Currently available to commit to a sexual and emotional relationship with me,
c) Physically attractive to me in this state and time,
d) Someone who would find me more physically and mentally attractive than either anyone else she currently knows or anyone else she would meet in the course of a relationship with me,
e) Someone who my friends and immediate family (or, alternatively, you could list a bunch of people whose judgement you trust) would currently deem acceptable for me to date once they knew the true history and background of that person,
f) Currently not suffering from any long- or short-term diseases or handicaps that would significantly disrupt our relationship,
g) Located in a place that I could move to.
H) And you could not in any way harm us or our friends and family

>>744899695
pff. getting high whenever you feel like it kinda implies it won't be a bad trip.
trip experience is dependent on how you feel going into it, nothing else. don't talk about things you don't understand kiddo.

>>744899393
approved but you may never tell anyone nor play

>>744899162
I wish that the text:

"it is, however, one of those "be careful what you wish for" type of deals. the woman/witch will grant your wish, but will attempt to interpret it in the worst possible way, for you that is."
", so that she can find no loopholes in your wish and you get exactly what you want"

Was removed from OP's post for everyone who posts after me.

>>744899162
I wish to be an all powerful (omnipotent,omnipresent,omniscience,omnipowerful) god starting right now.

>>744899162
>so that she can find no loopholes in your wish and you get exactly what you want?

the amount to pay for anything always appear on my pocket no matter what I am wearing

I wish to have a video of Melania Trump and Hillary Clinton having lesbian sex that I can post on b.

>>744899894
what

>>744900593
Clinton is so fucking ugly who would want to see that shit

>>744900551
Enjoy the pennies!

>>744900110
>>744899667

almost trips

>>744899894
Holy fuck someone had a bad day of high school

>>744899162
i wish i could fuck your mother

>>744899162
This is easy

I wish to be the most powerful being that has and will exist in every possible multi-dimensional reality known and unknown

>>744901025
granted but you die of aids

>>744901146
granted but you die 5 times sooner than the average /b/tard

>>744899804
granted but only for others

>>744899516
granted but you die from aids

>>744899560
granted but you go blind

>>744899162
I wish that I would have zero wishes

>>744902046
granted and you never met the old woman

>>744902000
>>744902111
I wish you didn't get quads and trips 2/3 posts

>>744899162
I wish that I had never met the lady

I wish to be as strong as Ryu from street fighter

>>744899162
that the witch dies instantly 5 trillion miles away from all celestial beings in the milky way in a way that does not affect the milky way

ggbtw

>>744902172
>>744902216
granted and you die from aidscancer

>>744899162
I wish that I was the old lady

>>744902279
granted and you also die

I wish for a 1pint carton of cookie dough ice cream. And a spoon.

i wish to delete existence

>>744899162
I wish that I don't get any wishes

>>744902475
granted you are deleted

>>744899162
I want a Mark 23 SOCOM to be given to me legally with no problems or unexpected consequences.

>>744899162
I wish to be eternally and spiritually bound to and, starting this week, physically with my soulmate for the remainder of eternity in a capacity where we are always intact, unharmed, and together.

I wish for sauce on that girl

>>744902551
Romantically on paper this sounds amazing, in practice it sounds like you have a horrible co-dependancy problem

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>>744899255

>>744899815
i) loves anal

>>744902551
granted you become siamese twins

>>744902844
sweet
thanks bro

>>744899162
>>744902377

nigger genie bitch ignored my wish. fucking gypsies.

>>744902882
that would be harmful, as it would require surgery: I'm not with her right now

The ability to shapeshift into anything or anyone i could imagine both fictonal and real

>>744902377
granted but that is all you can ever eat again, three times a day for the rest of your life

>>744899162
I wish for either 100 billion dollars, tax free, with no strings attached, and no downsides, or for the old woman to be violently raped by niggers until she dies.

Her choice.

>>744902676
the condition of being my soulmate is that there are no problems. I do everything that she asks of me, and she is always kind and good to me; we both listen to eachother's words with respect.

>>744903042
Not OP but I say that's untrue-- there is no reason to separate Siamese twins other than cosmetics. Also you would literally be together and intact so I have to give him major props for creativity.

>>744903124
granted but you get incurable aidscancer that is completely unrelated to your wish
>>744903078
granted but you have uncontrollable transformations

>>744899401
You would suicide after that

>>744903225
correct, fully within bounds

>>744903078
Granted but you can never turn yourself back to normal

I wish that literally every single event that occurred from now until the end of the time would be considered perfect by the standards I have at the time the wish is granted.

Come at me bruh...

>>744903404
even better

I wish that I have free control over time and can alter the time of specific things in the world, if I want to. I'm the only one unaffected by effects such as time stops.
These time controls include:
Time Stop
Time Rewind
Time Fast-Forward

I can basically do anything I want.
If you allowed bullshit, I could rewind time and make another wish.

I wish for the ability to create clones of myself that disappear when I want them too

>>744903433
and what are your standards? hmm?

>>744900551
but the money is constantly put there by a drug Lord behind you

1 Trillion dollars without any of your bullshit.

>>744903636
technically, by that term of rewinding time and making another wish you break the contract of no wishing for more wishes and thus the wish is null and void

>>744901967
that's ok, I will wish bad luck for my enemies

>>744903262
That would be a downside. I specified no downsides. Hope that old hag enjoys her nigger gangrape.

I wish to be able to teleport instantaneously to an exact destination of my chosing, leavimg myself completely unharmed in the process, whenever and wherever I want.

>>744903670
I do not have to share my standards. Unless the witch is also psychic, which was not part of the condition, then I just won The Game.

Also, if you just read the prior sentence, you just lost it.

>>744903377
I'd honestly be ok with it as long as we are together starting this week and we are joined only superficially (no deeper than halfway through the muscular layer at the hip)

>>744899162
I wish for 3 $100 dollar United States Dollars to be in my wallet at exactly 7:00 am everyday forever and I can spend the money in said wallet on whatever I want.

>>744900457
>You become fictional

>>744902349
" that does not affect the milky way"
we are in milky way, fuck off

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.

>>744901025
You become physically able to fuck OP's mom, nothing more.

>>744899162
Like wishmaster or twisted metal

>>744904276
I'm actually God,
what if I insisted that this person were one with me and that your definition of fictional was synonymous with my reality?

>>744899162
Omnipotence

>>744903124
10 trillion pennies fall on top of you, crushing you to death

>>744904888
Again, downside. Say hi to Tyrone, Jamal, and Leeroy for me.

>>744903404
Perfect i would be able to imagine myself but slightly changed if i really wanted to be me, this sounds like a deal

>>744904888
Trips of death

I wish that every event or action or decision in the life of the people I care about and me (including this encounter) had an outcome that's the most favorable possible to me and the people I care about.

This way I can never have anything bad happening in my life, and I'd just keep winning lotteries and make lucrative investments while living happily ever after with the people I love.

I really can't think of a way this could backfire.

I wish for the ability to reach into any container/sack/pocket/bag and pull out whatever I can imagine both existing and non-existing items

>>744902349
see
>>744904371

>>744905133
Check em

>>744904967
not a downside for the rest of humanity

>>744905082
Granted. It continues to work with people who were people you cared about at the time the wish was granted, but no longer like you. So that buddy who's girlfriend you fucked while you were drunk? What do you think happens to you when he decides to get revenge?

>>744905277
Still a downside for me. I specified no downsides. Full stop. That includes downsides for me and for others.

>>744902043
That's not so much a bad interpretation as it is making him blind just for the hell of it. You're kinda bad at this tbh. You're other replies have similar issues.

>>744899605
Granted but everyone you EVER have or will love will die horrible deaths

>>744904801
You're omnipotent in a parallel universe she banishes you to, where there is no one and you hsve to recreate humanity from the beginning.

Or you're only omnipotent for an attosecond, so you don't have time to use your powers.

Or you're omnipotent but you don't know how to use your poeers so you immediately destroy the universe and yourself.

Or you're omnipotent but also everyone else is as well.

>>744905133
You are able to pull anything out of the container, as long as the item is already in said container

I wish for best-end fulfillment of these wishes.
condition: I let go of the subject of its thought.

>>744905378
The money spawning over your head isn't a downside, only what follows after is. Blame gravity, not the witch.

>>744904044
She makes it so you never ever want to do it.

>>744905587
i go to parallel universe, i then use powers to one day return with an army and conquer shit

>>744903765
They're Zimbabwe Dollars.

>>744906079
And thats how cthulhu was born

>>744904244
You're forever addicted to coke and other ecpensive deadly drugs so that's all you end up spending the money on.

>>744904437
You get it the second right before dying, so you have no time to enjoy it.

Or you're suddenly allergic to its ingredients.

>>744904437
Your turkey sandwich is actually a sandwich that belongs to a turkey, who proceeds to eat it, not leaving any for you.

>>744899162
I wish for the love of the woman of my choice in a commited successful power couple relationship that stretches not just beyond this life but to all future lives beyond this one, that we always find each other and bring enough strength to one another that neither of us will ever question the others devotion. I site example of Temujin and Borte, which was not perfect but stood the test of thousands of concubines and one son of questionable parentage or Siddartha and his wife. If she tricks me and dooms me with the luck of Alexander the Great and Roxanne I laugh cause she (the old woman) will die in the purge during our next lives.

I wish to fuck the old womam

>>744906760
You are given the choice of your mother or your grandmother

>>744905310
Thst would never happen because it would be a negative outcome.
The moment I stop caring about them, they're out of the spell (since me caring about them is the requirement and they don't satisfy it snymore), but they can't start hating me or anything like that, because that would violate the "always favorable" rule, which makes every event favorable for everyone in my group.

I wish for 1000 dollars in 5's when i please to appear whenever i clap 5 times. The money will appear in my wallet, useable and furthermore in pristine condition as if it came from the bank and it shall be backtracked as money i receive from my uncle who is alive and living the life in a mansion in hawaii.

To furthermore clarify, when i clap 5 times exactly ill receive 200 5 dollar bills in my wallet in useable condition from my uncle therefore fuck you genie

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I wish to be able to have the knowledge of everything; past, present and future. By this I mean I would know everything down to a murder who did it, how to solve any equation, build anything, know what lies after Earth, etc... There will be nothing unknown to me.

>>744899162
Omnipotence

Every day I get 1 hour of time being frozen, I can do it on command. This effect also can stack.

>>744905082
You become a masochist. Favorable means causing as much pain as possible.

>>744907122
You have no arms anymore.

I wish I could fly at any speed I wanted to while creating an 10m^3 impregnable air bubble around me, shielding me from gforces and vaccum, without being physically fatigued by it

>>744907122
The wotch gives you a wallet that's located on the moon. Every time you clap, the money goes to that wallet.

>>744907127
You slso know all the things that make life unbearable, so you end up having every mental problem in existence.
Your omniscience lasts less than a day before you kill yourself.

>>744906947
okay, not that those aren't easy choices nor negligible information as I rape my way through continents with my mom or grandma taking care of ever larger increasing pool of concubines and children, while they tell the senate or my people "HE'S A GOOD BOY, HE DIDDUN DU NUFFIN" I've Sited 3 examples of templates for the basis of the relationship not involving anyone that would be related to me, all 3 examples are couples who were relatively close in age with the exeption of Roxanne and Alexander and they had no prior knowledge of each other with the exception of "that dude from over there who kills people" with the execption of siddartha who was married and then bounced before preaching bullshit enlightenment.

I wish I were saitama the one punch man. not the city

>>744907303
You freeze too

>>744907303
You freeze too, so you don't even notice it happening.

>>744907419
What happened to them? and beyond that i can clap with my feet still ;) get fucked m8o plus i can buy prostetics

>>744907551
>The money will appear in MY wallet meaning i don't receive a new one, it appears in my physical wallet

>>744907458
Granted, but for every inch of flight you have to make a child, raise it lovingly for 10 years, and burn him alive.
Only one child at a time.

Make my penis size 10 inches when hard.Don't bullshit me, make it so its 100% healthy.

>>744907864
but what if I steal you're wallet and you keep getting taken to your kids recital forced to clap contiuesly for 20 years as your child slowly developes into a theatre geek?

>>744907746
You're a comatose but conscious vegetable and can't even move your eyelids.

>>744907864
It is your wallet, it's a gift to you from the witch

>>744907939
It's never hard.

>>744908093
>100% healthy
Its a perfect healthy penis meaning it gets hard like normal.

>>744899815
k, but its only sexual, you hate each other because shes a bitch

>>744907939
Your penis becomes 10 inches when it is difficult. Nothing to do with erections

>>744907222
omnipotence is the capacity to do anything. if the hag had the ability to send me somewhere, then because i have omnipotence i have the ability to return. it would just take time to figure out exactly what the hag did

I want my penis to grow 4 more inches

Wow OP, you suck at this. Almost none of the negative consequences have anything to do with an unfavorable interpretation of the wish, they're just arbitrary unrelated bad things, which somehow still manage to violate the terms of the wishes anyway half of the time. Shit thread.

>>744907635
You can punch once in your life, then you die

>>744908495

She will first reduce your penis by 6 inches then make it grow 4 more.

I wish I will be happy, successful, and have a wonderful wife and kids

>>744908187
I don't mean it can't. Just that it never ends up being hard.
Like you become asexual for example, which would have you never aroused by anything so your perfectly-working dick goes unused.

>>744908495
it grows in 90 degrees to the right

>>744908495
Your penis now has 4 inches of extra foreskin

>>744908577
Then it'd still be the same length as it is now

>>744908438
But she's an evil witch, so she adds the clause "omnipotence *only within that specific universe"

i just wanna know why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch

>>744908670

>being this dumb

>>744907939
It gets 10 inches wide

>>744908495
The 4 additional inches are warts that cover your entire gland.

>>744908844
You forget immediately after.

>>744908844
You find out, but you can't handle the truth and commit suicide 2 days later.

Complete control over all aspects of reality.

>>744908438
You become unable to summon a rock that you can't lift, thus causing a paradox, which revokes your omnipotence instantly.

>>744899162
so no sauce then?

>>744899564
You know the lottery numbers, but not which set they go to. They appear in your mind simply in a straight line, in order with no breaks, with only a start and an end and no hint as to which game you need to start with.

>>744899162
I wish to be able to hack anything unnoticed and hove complete control of what I do.

>>744905566
granted, seeing as how i dont have anyone to love.

>>744909400
You are able to wield an axe. You can hack anything with it unnoticed, as long as noone is watching you, while having full control of your actions.

>>744909176
Only in your imagination.

Or only for an attosecond.

Or you can, but only to the extent that a normal human can.

Or you're omnipotent and you're turned into a lamp genie cursed to be a slave of people ssking you to fulfill their requests, which will be the only way you'll be allowed to use your powers.

>>744909176
Control as in "monitoring", not as in "manipulation".
You're essentially doomed to be an impotent supervisor.

>>744909400
>hack anything unnoticed
When things are unnoticed, you can hack them with a blade of your choice.

>>744899162
A pallet of real 20 dollar bills, non sequental, not stolen from anyone or anywhere, in my living room, stacked to the ceiling and filling the pallet to the edges of the pallet, evenly in layers of 120 bills and, again, stacked to the ceiling. roughly 53.5 million dollars at 8 feet high, all wrapped in saran wrap, but not individually, rather the entire stack wrapped as a solid bundle.

>>744899162

I wish the old woman was younger.

>>744910082
They're Zimbabwe Dollars.

>>744910082
>real
the dollars are not imaginary

counterfeit

I wish to swap places with her.

>>744899162
I wish everything I want will happen in the next few months, and not one thing negative will happen to me or anyone I know.

I just fucking bolt out of there without saying a word, because I know for sure that if she wants to fuck me over, she'll do it one way or another.

>>744899162

>witch will

Faggot

>>744910480
Negative things will happen to very powerful and evil people that you don't know, and they all blame you, so they'll do everything they can to make your life a living hell

>>744910188
She takes years from you

>>744908595
You get all of that then lose it all in the blink of an eye.

>>744899162
I want to become free will Superman with every power he have

>>744899255
OP then fucks your girlfriend/mom/daughter, converting him to a heterosexual

>>744899162
you braking rules ... interpret is not meant do something to you so you can't use the wish ... like i wish all good things ...she make me die tomorrow... with that kind of rules is no win situation

>>744899162
Proportionally grow the size of my penis to double current erect length.

Damn witch will probably get a kick of a ll the girls who wont touch it, as will I.

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>>744912888
trips have spoken
Witch can not do this

>>744913042
so your dick will be whole 5 inch ... great

>>744899162
that my Ex back and for her to love me and only me and always be happy and satisfied with me

>>744899162
Without any negative consequences that might affect me directly or indirectly, I want a bank account with an infinite amount of any currency I need and a device to withdraw a physical version of currency that fits in my pocket easily.

Done. You put into the wish that she can't do bad stuff

I wish for a rich person to spontaneously give me ten million dollars.

I wish to lead a happy life in my imagined perfect female body with my mind, health, and bank account in a decisively healthy state

>>744913671
she already have AIDS and Herpes