Let's start a retard thread me first >be me >be today

>>744483775
lol. although 9pm seems like a weird interview time

>>744483775
Home Depot doesn't do interviews at night, you unemployable faggot.

>>744483775
that's better than the other way round

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You may or may not have anxiety of some form.

>>744483935
U wot m8??????

Good luck on the job interview. I fucking hate them. One time I went to this career fair and was so nervous I couldn't speak and sweat through my suit and looked ridiculous

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>>744483935
Get rekt faggot

>>744483812
Did you just pull that off ifunny

>>744484185
You're just asking for it

Here's a good one
>wake up
>gets on /b/

>>744484185
You interview is about get fucked dude

Just had this overweight autistic manchild come in declaring he had an interview at 9am, I corrected him saying it was 9pm but the moron insisted it was 9am.He pulled out his phone and showed me an email reading 9pm. Why do people like this exist? I would've given him the benefit of the doubt if it weren't for him forcing me to watch him scroll through endless fury emails.

>>744484185
This is how you stay unemployed, dumbo.

>>744483775
>So what sorta retarded shit have y'all been up to?

Been browsing 4chan for most of the day when I should be studying for the bar exam or something.

>>744483775

In fairness, who the hell conducts job interviews at 9pm? If I'd seen that I'd at least have called to ask if it was a typo.

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>>744484185
oh boy. you really did stay up all night didnt you? ya stupid nigger

Just cancelled OPs interview. Told the lady who answered that he posted their contact info on 4chan.

>>744484369
>no watermark
so you've been on Ifunny eh, anon?

>>744484185
great, now anon is gonna phone the number and pretend to be you, hope you like being unemployed.

i'm at an important law firm.
have client meeting in 15 min.
splashed fucking spaghetti sauce on white shirt.
i have no spare shirts in my office.
can't cover mess with a jacket because it splashed somewhat close to neckline.
they made the spaghetti extra watery today fuck the kitchen. fml.

Went to a party with a friend, got drunk. Friend starts puking and crying to go home. Don't want to drive, never drive drunk. Drive anyway. Immediately pulled over. DUI. In my $40,000 car I just bought.
Life's good.

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>>744484185
what if this was his plan the whole time? He doesn't have to go to the interview anymore

>>744485011
there's spaghetti on his shirt already, he's nervous, knees weak arms are heavy, his clients are ready as they both come out, they notice the spaghetti splashed on his shirt now, he's flailing about as the whole floor crowds around him yo...

>>744485011
You need to smear spaghetti sauce all over your shirt so it looks normal

>>744485267
fuck me that thought actually crossed my mind. i'm just gonna be honest and tell them what i said here. "my apologies, sorry about the appearance, i managed to mess up the shirt during lunch hour. the sauce here is that good. you should try it."

some shit like that. hopefully ok. gotta go.

>>744483775
>Want to an hero, dropped 450ug of LSD on impulse
>Lost my fucking mind spouting nonsense, actually thought I was going to die
>Called friend that I look up to as a parent figure
>She sat up with me all night, over 8 hours, on the phone to make sure I'm good.
>About to drive to work, the last time I slept feels like weeks ago.
>Temporary(?) psychosis
>Still noticeably tripping
>Might be irrational thinking, but I feel like I owe my life to parent figure friend
>Wednesday night/Thursday morning

>>744485114
>too spaghetti to call to cancel
>start /b/ thread to get YPA
I approve if this is the case

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>>744485011
>>744485267
That's actually a good idea

>>744484185

Either really retarded or fully deliberate.

>>744485011
Apologize while shaking hands. Get it done right off the bat.

>>744485011

You have to make the client spill sauce on his shirt before the interview as well so he will forgive you

This is the only way

Pay a coworker to splash sauce on him and run off

>Am dutch
>Sitting in train
>Dark-skinned lady asks me if this trains stops at Eindhoven in dutch.
>Reply to her in English because i subconsiously beforehand thought she couldn't speak my language/ she's a refugee.
>She looks confused, not knowing if i'm capable of speaking dutch or not.
,>Have dutch newspaper on my lap, akwardly put it away.

>>744483812
Kek

>work overnights
>supposed to be at work at 9pm Wednesday
>browsing /b/ in the middle of the night, enjoying Tuesday, the last day of my weekend
>glance at phone, says it's 1 o clock Wednesday
>freaking the fuck out, am I four hours late for work?
>why didn't anyone call me?
>how did I lose an entire day?
>call my boss, don't even know what I'm going to say
>"h-hey boss, uhh..."
>"hey anon. What's up?"
>"nevermind!"
>hang up
>I suddenly realized my phone said Wednesday because it's after midnight
>it's still pretty much Tuesday night
>I almost shit my pants
>explained it to my boss the next night, got laughed at

>>744485011
You gotta lose yourself in the spaghetti, it's ready,
You better never let it go
You only get one shot to not let the clients know
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

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>>744485463
>tfw you never even called her
>it was all part of your trip
good luck with the acid flashbacks bro. lsd will fuck you for months if you take enough

Guys what do I do? I've got an interview in just over half an hour yet I've got it everywhere. Not a little mind you but a lot. It's almost like it's nearly nowhere but everywhere at the same time. Someone please help.

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>graduate college
>stupidly accept first offer I get because money
>job I'm qualified for but doesn't sound like my cup o tea
>moving from far away but bonuses and relocation is provided
>think I have it made
>move to new city. Buy lots of stuff spend all my savings
>"its OK I have a good job now"
>realize this city sucks
>realize im not into my work
>try to apply for different department
>"all employees must maintain position for a year before applying to different jobs"
"All employees must pay back all bonuses and monies paid for relocation if they voluntarily quit within a year"
>mfw they paid me $17k
>mfw I financed a vehicle
>mfw $3k in savings
>mfw 290 days left

>>744485976
you have to smear it all over you so it looks normal.

>>744485992
what's the job

>>744485976
Do you have any peroxide? Dab it in that then run under blow dryer for a few should show up less noticeable. If no peroxide use water and ask if anyone's got a ride stick scrub that shit out

>>744486097
Full time glory hole servicer.

>>744485463
you sound like you would go full sperg while thanking her.

>>744485992
this is why you never stop saving.

>>744483775
You're fine, just show up at 9PM. If I was interviewing you I'd think you were a little autistic, but at least your not an autist that shows up late.

>>744485747
hahaha
i know that feel

>>744483812
WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE BLOCK OUT THE NAMES!?

>>744485992
>if they voluntarily quit within a year
i'm gonna assume it goes the same if you get fired too. time to just fake it as hard as you can

>>744486199
But my bedtime is 8.30pm though.

>>744485992
suck it up fruitcake

>>744485873
Thanks for the luck, no trip is a bad trip. Being scared for my life, despite being physically fine, forced me to see death from a another point of view. I need to start by cleaning the environment around me for positive reinforcement. I also feel like on an emotional level I just got out of a torture camp. Suicide prompting excessive lsd usage on impulse went bad real fast, who woulda thought.

>>744486165
Probably, I currently have no grasp on what had happened other than moments of terror and panic that this person brought me out of multiple times.

>>744486097
Safety engineer

>>744486198
Yesterday I said tomorrow

>>744486277
No clause in my contract confirming this but I'm not positive. I'm good at faking it though not worried.

>>744486383
Gladly, if this >>744486160 was my real job

>>744485992
I have 17 dollars in my bank account at 37 cents in my savings.

>>744483775
Who the fuck does interviews at 9pm?

>>744486858
I feel for you bro. I was dirt poor in college and I think finally getting a chance at real money went to my head

>>744484185
Ok freight...9pm interview sounds right they probably just got in at that time

>>744487549
Home Depot does

>>744485821
>>744485501
>>744485544
>>744485644

hey anons. meeting w client went well. made some self-deprecating joke at the very beginning and client was like, oh i better try that sauce if it's that good bla bla bla. anyway, just wanted to say things are not necessarily shitty even when it seems to be so. you can always turn it around.

i'm dropping these words of inspiration based on spaghetti smeared on shirt but i'm sure it applies to every type of difficult situation in life (divorce, death of loved one, constipation, etc.).

peace.

Forgot my debit card PIN today. Legit forgot. Spent half an hour walking around the ATM mumbling numbers. People walking by wondering aloud whether to call the cops.

>>744487880
Good to hear and congrats

OP here,

Just to let you know I failed the interview. I forgot to wear clothes. Currently in the police station on potential "indecent exposure" charges.Anyone a lawyer?

>>744484185
Nigger done went full retard!

>>744488284
don't worry OP, that happens to the worst of us. literally only to the worst of us.

>>744484185
this is bait

started work at a convenience store near my house for college money and stuff. manager asks me to put a shopping cart in the rack thing. i ask where the rack thing is, he says "by the door"

me, being a fucking retard, brings the cart outside the store and puts it by the door. come back in and the manager says "thanks for doing that"

not sure if he was being sarcastic because he thought i fucked up on purpose or if he genuinely didnt see what i did. it wasnt until the end of my shift that i saw where the cart rack actually was and felt like a dumbass

>>744488888 this fucker.
welp

>>744485992
I mean, that definitely sucks. But it's only a year, you can get through that easy. At least you're qualified. If it's at least in the industry you're shooting for, then try to get something out of it. Whether it's a good contact at another company, or some insider info, whatever works.

>>744488982
good shit

>>744488982
don't worry man. manager probably thought you put the cart back in the right place (how can he tell with so many carts). he will assume some other dumbass left the cart you put outside.

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>>744489999
All good points its certainly no travesty for me I still get paid enough to not worry about money day to day. Not that I was whining either like I said >>744487676
I just made retarded decisions. I guess the lessons I'd share would be really think about the job you're taking, don't take a job just for money unless you need the money and can deal with a crap job, and keep saving money even when you happen upon more of it than you've had before.

>>744489999
Also you're right a year seemed like a long time when I was a kid but its nothing when measured by adults. Its a mindset I still have to break. Also also noice quads

>>744484185
Bait but I have a few minutes to call them and warn the employer about the ex employee who is scheduled for a 9pm interview.

>>744485992
Always read the fine print college boy.