/b/, I’ve got myself locked in the en suite bathroom of my

has wank

push it with your hand, should work.

>>744311565
Eat the shit and then flush

place toxic crud in gob you prat

>>744311811
this

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Kys before you are discovered you ass hat

Burn the house down no one cares about clogged toilets in the ruins of burnt down houses.

smear hot poop on the walls

use that garbage can to scoop it into the shower then blast it with hot water and it will melt down the drain

i've done this, it works

why dont you just flush the bog?

>>744312469
Fuck off.

Right, now hears what your going to do, you got a lighta? you smoke? light the lighta and spray it with the gille fus deodorant on to the terd, this should destory the evidense.

>>744312330
This doesn't work. Why would you post if you don't know?

>Take the toilet handle and slowly push it down to release water into the towlet bowl.
>let toilet bowl fill halfway with water
>wait 1 mins to see if goes down
If not, get ready to dig around their bathroom for a plunger.

In the worst case scenario, you can go out and ask her pareants for help, or use your left hand to push the shit down. It sucks, but you should be able to clean your hand with enough soap and water.

Or, you know, just kill yourself for taking a shit at your gfs parents house?

>>744311565

Pour a cup of liquid soap or shampoo in the toilet, get some hot water and pour it in there also, let set for an hour, should break everything down to be able to flush without much hassle

>>744311565
throw it in the trash

>>744312756
this requires me to stay in here for an hour you fucking idiot

>>744312756
pour a bunch of soap on your hand BEFORE you stick in the toilet to push the shit down

You can do this, OP. Times a wasting!

>>744311565
Smear it all over yourself and the room. Run out screaming "it came out of the toilet to get me!!" Act traumatized and catatonic, refuse to give details. It will blow over

put that coconut merchant in the can - its what its made for

Man up.
Empty plastic bag from garbage, pick up turd like your picking up dog poop.
Unclog toilet. Flush.
Break up turd, drop in toilet, flush.
Put bag carefully back in garbage bucket, put shit tons of paper im garbage.
Wash hands.

Your welcome

>>744311565

Use a fucking toilet brush. Worst comes wrap your hand in tissue paper and stick your hand down there. Wash your fucking hands. Done. Fucking autist

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>>744312820
You stated you were locked in there you fucking dick
What kind of tard can't get out of a crapper anyway?

>>744313088
garbage full of filled comdoms... any other ideas?

>>744311565
Is it clogged? Or will the tank not fill up with water.

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Jerk off on top of the turd, leave the seat down and climb out the window you fucking faggot

spray the shower down the tolet if it is a detachable head, beware shit could shoot up in your face if its a power shower

>>744313372
no windows. try again.

force it down drain

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>>744313416
Well kick the door in man

Better than being discovered coddling a dump

shaft it down plugole.

>>744313549
Heavy door, smell is making me light headed now. Please someone must have a solution.

Just keep flushing the toilet until it overflows all over the bathroom and then open the door and yell, "Who took a shit in here!? They clogged up the toilet and now there's shit all over the place! I'm not cleaning up this shit!" Boom, problem solved.

Take your pants off, lay them down nice and neat. Then take your penis out and pee on them. Then when. Your all done put them back on unlock the the door and leave.


And on your way out go fuck yourself cause your a whopping faggot

Simple, lift up the lid of the tank at the back, be careful not to touch the valvecap as it could explode. Simply place the shit in there and put the lid back on and they will not know for months.

Get a spoon and dig right into that hot bowl of soup.

>>744311565
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296

>>744313945
This is not some joke. This is a serious issue, I need real help as my knees are starting to shake through anxiety.

kick in the toilet so it comes off

shit will spray everywhere and you'll be off the hook.

However this is quite extreme but if all else fails i think its a commendable idea

>>744313928
Ahh, the ol' upper decker. Yeah, that's a dick move for sure.

>>744313622
Alright nigger, you've taken a beating for your retardation. Here's what to do, get anything that will hold water, bigger the better, fill it and chuck it on top of the turd, will flush it away. You need to get water into the u bend to create negative pressure

Try not to splash the shit on yourself fuck nut

Good luck soldier

>>744314127
how did you solve it? it's been like 40 minutes or something.

>>744314910

He ate the turd

>>744315178
good on ya, boi. always knew you had it in ya.

>>744311565
everyone poops. apologize and let them understand the problem.

british people are weird

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/is-it-worth-flushing-the-bog-before-you-have-a-dump.194169/

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How does this happen? Don't you murifats have supersized plumbing for your muriturds? Did this turd exceed even the murifat turd standard?

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>>744315761
My thoughts exactly.
>implying gf