Hey /b/ros, how about a feels thread, dump some sad shit into

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Trying not to kill myself, as I have relapsed back into the sadness that I ignored for the last week.

I also don't want to die, because I'm scared of what happens afterwards.

I just want something beyond my control to happen so it can make the choice for me.

Texas A&M blew a 44-10 lead to UCLA to lose the game.

>>744137456
Nothing happens after. You just stop living.

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>>744136510

>>744136510
i dont know what to do anymore; lost all sense of purpose. i used to live to serve and look after my family, but they dont need me anymore. and im alone again.

i get sour as fuck when i check out classmates facebooks and old pictures of them having fun. everyone my age, im 29, is settling down and shit.
i get even more salty when i see their younger brothers or undergraduates close by that i remember doing fun shit.
i have rich parents, have a boat, have land, have four wheelers, have all sorts of shit but never was able to fit in or get friends beyond loser sausage fests. i get sour as fuck being in the boat with my parents while other rich kids with their daddys boat are out partying with bikini girls. i hate it when parents ask me "why dont you invite a girl and be like them?", even at 29 years old.
they never understood that i wasn't associated with rich because i hold a different last name. people talk so much shit too.
life passed me by man. and i saw it coming and couldnt do much about it. gay rumors also dont help.

one thing i do see is that the nerdy friend i made were actually very nice people and not dicks at all. all the normie kids dealt with getting ripped off on drug sales, trying to one up eachother, gossip and stupid shit.

though i hated coming to family functions single while even the kids were getting partners like crazy. thanksgivings were the worst.

>>744139814
17 b&

>>744139814
going to college doesn't mean shit, mate. as for the gf, its hard being young and breaking up with a long term gf, believe me. I was with a girl from when i was 15 untill i was 19. I'm 23 now and looking back on it i resent her, i wasted the best years of my life with her. you'll be fine. I'm sure.

>>744140305
Thanks. shes just trying her damn best to ruin my reputation, but i ignore the cunt. and i guess i could get a decent low education job.

>>744136510
Possibly lost my best friend of 8 years today. It might not be that big of a deal, but my mind is freaking out thinking of the worst scenario. Already lost a close friend this year as well since people move on. Ah, it's unfortunate but i guess people move on in life. Still hurts regardless.

Hey guys, today has been a pretty shitty day for me, mind if I indulge my general depression by telling you guys some stories? I greentexted them in advance, Sorry if its annoying. Just say yes or no if you want them. Anyway, sorry in advance.

>>744136510
Well, there was an anon that made a thread the other day. His girl had him shave his chest and she took a dump on it, and it got infected.
Long story short, I don't know if the advice given, led him to melt his chest off or not.
That should cheer someone up.

>>744140936
Don't be sorry. I would like to see them. It's healthy for the body when you talk about whats making you feel down.

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>>744140963
Why.

Well, I'm 19 and dropped out of highschool at 16, played vidya ever since. Parents stopped smoking a couple years ago but started again and my dad blames me. All I want to do is play vidya for a living but I know the chances of that is small. Don't want to be stuck working a miserable 9-5 so I'll probably kill myself if I'm stuck doing that by age like 26 or something. Not sure what else to put here so just ama and I'll answer asap

Life is stale as usual.

>>744141164
Are you even remotely good enough to go professional playing these games?

>>744141263
I'm good at games but I'm not talking about playing esports. Talking more entertainment (streaming)

>>744141327
Have you tried streaming yet?

>>744141151
I don't know. He was the one that let her do it. Some anons were arguing about what he could use to help it. Kind of a funny thread.

>>744141459
Yea I stream now but I'm not consistent and I don't know how to get over my laziness to become consistent. I also have an issue with patience so that doesn't help

>>744141521
I would like to know why he thought that would be a good idea.

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>>744140678
what happened?

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>>744140936
+interest

>>744136510
You know how many times I've heard someone I trust, someone I look up to and someone who seems to be right and above me in comprehension of the situation, say that?
That someone would be ok?
And you know what happens?
I feel reassured, only to the same day for me to be right;
I remember w/ my brother, my sister and parents assured me that he was fine, he had the flu and I was worried. I was sure that he was gonna die that day, but they made me feel like he was gonna get better
That same day he died
I got a phone smacked from my hand and broken while trying to call 112, I was 5yrs old, it was when we were finding out;
I can give other examples, like our Sugarglider
One morning, he was barking a lot and sitting in one spot of his cage
I was saying he could be dying and needed to go to the vet
Once again I feel like he's gonna be ok
I came home from school to hear from my father "You were right about Almond", do you know how hard that hit me?
But from my experience, I can't trust someone who I otherwise would when they say someone I love will be fine;
When I was 8, my best friend was sick. I remember being told he would get better, one day when I was gonna visit him I got told he died;
I remember how I talked to him the week before, he seemed so much more lively than before and I was so happy that he was getting better. I remeber telling him I'd see him next week, excited leading up to the day, and just the day when I was supposed to visit him was when it happened
I felt tricked, and everyone said he would be better;

>>744141632
Some people are into kinky stuff.
It can backfire sometimes, but they keep doing it.

>>744141595
What games do you stream? If you want to make that your occupation then you need to have motivation for it. Easier said than done, but you have to realize that everyone starts from nothing. Sounds cheesy but Rome wasn't built in a day, bud. You could always buy some fake view bots to help the ball start rolling until you get more recognized.

I can't

>>744141760
hug me anon, hug me

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>>744137456

>>744137512
Holy shit I turned that off, thought it was over

>>744141894
I stream mostly Pubg which is now a very saturated game, but I also stream games like life is strange, overwatch sometimes and car mechanic simulator. Also I've though a lot about getting a viewbot just for like 15-20 viewers max just to put me higher on the list so I'm not buried in the thousands of 0-3 viewer streams. The motivation part is what gets me the most though

>>744141671
Drunken mistakes. He keeps ensuring me before i left his place that we are still cool, but was sitting by the pond and drinking. He said it would the best if i just left. I always tend to think of the worst. Who knows, tomorrow he could call me and everything will be alright, or it wont. I will have to see.

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>>744142294
did you impregnate his girl or steal a lot of money from him or something? did you just say he was a fag or something?

>>744139037
I feel ya man I have 5 nieces and nephews, all in relationships and I have never had a gf my entire life, shit can make a man feel down at times but if it gets worse think of the pic in this post >>744142003

>>744141164
You too bud refer to pic in post

>>744136510
Last time I saw one of these threads it turned into a race issue thread, and then a nigger gore thread. And I bet just by saying this I'll end up starting one.

>>744142810
Shut your nigger whore mouth

>>744126719

>>744140936
Yeyeye post it bud we are her for you

nothing worse than an abusive, manipulative coward

done now

>>744142121
Have you ever thought of working out? For me it helps add routine to your schedule, helps build time management and seeing little improvements in your exercise helps adds motivation to do more than just that work out for the day. If you don't i HIGHLY suggest it. Feels extremely peaceful when you have a good diet and exercise regularly.

>>744142633
I finger blasted his wife to oblivion. He was okay with it but i guess when she woke up she was pretty fucking pissed.

>>744143334
Agreed. Lurk on /fit/ more and start getting healthy. I don't want to say it's a panacea but you will defenently feel better

>>744143334
True anon, having a schedule can help quite a bit

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>>744143407
oh shit. I can see why it would be "better if you left".

I imagine the following is true:
>she didn't know you were going to do it before you started
>she's really mad at you via him
>he's not getting any pussy for a long time while that fades
>he's banned from hanging out with you
>he may or may not want to hang with you but he's not getting any access to the pussy if she finds out he hasn't been shunning you

>>744143334
Thought about it yea, but that's another part of my laziness I guess. I would love to get in shape but I just can't push myself to do it. I feel like I need a partner to force me out of my comfort zone and help me not feel lonely while working out

>>744143826
Work out at home

>>744136510
I'm 22, almost an engineer just need to finish my thesis. Never gone out with a girl, never kissed a girl never nothing, i don't have many friends, my best friend from high school lives in another country, I'm at a point where I don't know what the fuck to do anymore with my life.

>>744144128
Am I you?

>>744143826
Yeah, I'm exactly that way....

>>744143998
Another big issue is my diet. I don't have a job so I just eat what my parents buy which is usually shit food

>>744143785
This. It's a lose/lose situation for me regardless. I either fucked up their relation, fucked up our friendship, or both. Just for a few minutes of "fun" i guess. I can't really talk about it to anyone so its rather nice to be able to talk about it on here, even if it means facing the truth. Had to learn the hard way to never do some dumb shit like that again, with a hefty price to pay for it.

>>744144226
Shit look at that I'm not alone

>>744144282
Yea its no fun. How much do you weigh?

>>744136510
Guess I'll start.

Well nothing too bad, but I know I'm only hiding my darkest secrets by wasting my time playing fire emblem heroes all damn day.
I have secrets in my past that are best bottled up. Explaining it in person is like explaining you saw bigfoot or a unicorn. You have no idea where to start and it ends up becoming a mess by the end of it.
Sure I can easily do it, but only over a screen where I can easily think it out.
I also have major social anxiety that pretty much stops me from ever starting conversations with people. What can I talk about? Unless you have interest in memes, pokemon, fire emblem, or any of the such, then what am I supposed to say? People tell me that I can easily become a social butterfly, because I'm so nice, but I'm always s paranoid. Paranoid that people think less of me because I have flaws. And sometimes I'll resort to unhealthy means too help cease these flaws.When I think I'm too fat, I'll cut meals. Part of me thinks I want to only be loved by being thin, while the other side of me says I'm only doing this for attention. I just want to be perfect for anyone, and I have this weird goal of wanting to be better than everyone else. And if a person is better than me, or has talent, wave after wave of envy looms over me like clouds on a rainy day. I know with all of these unhealthy burdens, once I finish school, whose gonna stop me from eventually listening to voices inside my head and kill myself? Current thought, I'll most likely kill myself before the age of thirty

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>>744144409
out of curiosity was this the first time?

>>744144363
Go grocery shopping on your own, I did it for a while when I lived on my own. I was pretty ripped for a while.

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>Where do you think we are?

https://youtu.be/e__1KU7lg-4

>>744144921
No job and no desire to get one

>>744144639
That any of use did that? Yea, first time experimenting. Unfortunately we were drunk off our asses. I knew exactly what i was doing but i guess she didn't. He seems rather pleased with it until she freaked out about it.

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>>744145274
do you have your own girl? how long have you known your friend's gf?

>>744145202
W O R K

>pro tip: illegal jobs pay better

>>744137572
oh cool, so tell us how the times that youve died

>>744145202
>sell drugs
>selectively scam dealers
>rob small timers
>general scams and extortion
>car hopping and selling goods
You get the idea

>be me, 13
>Definitely a mama's boy
>Dad was a former marine, now in civilian life, an authoritarian prick
>Mom always saved me though
>Might of had a little oedipal thing going on, but mostly just thought she was awesome
>Never took any shit from my dad
>Anyway, she and I are driving to a relative's wedding
>10 hour drive, we stop at a hotel for the night
>I'm playing DS and watching TV
>Mom says she's going to go to the hotel bar
>Whatever
>I get tired and go to bed
>Woken up later by the sound of my mother giggling
>She was shushing someone too, but still giggling
>I wasn't sure what was going on, but I decided to pretend to be asleep
>Then went into the bedroom
>(Room was a suite with a separate bedroom. I was on the pull out couch.)
>Knew she had a man with her. At first, figured they were just going to do more drinking
>Heard a lot of giggling... then moaning
>Sounds you don't want to hear your mom making
>Things you never want to hear your mom say
>"Jesus Christ that thing is huge."
>"Oh fuck me! Fuck me with your big dick!"
>Could hear the bed squeak
>Mother moaning and him grunting
>By now I had figured out what was going on
>Part of me wanted to run in there and stop them
>But instead I just pulled the pillow over my head and tried not to listen.

And that's how I found out that my mother really is a slut.

>>744145572
Thought about selling drugs at one point actually, had everything necessary to do it except for guts

>>744145522
Nah, i broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. Probably was sexually frustrated that night. A sad excuse. I have known her for about a little over a year.

>>744145790
It's the easiest shit. 80% customers aren't a threat, minus the snitching risk. It's SOME dealers/hoods you need to watch out for. Smoke ice before a sketchy deal and you won't be afraid of shit. I'm assuming you have the right self defense.

>>744143260
>>744141752
>>744141061
Alright I'll post it.
>Be Me, 14 years old.
> Filthy Jew faggot, parents wanted me to go on a birthright trip with some "friends" that I had known for a while in middle school.
>For the rest of this trip, I will be referring to this as the Israel trip.
>Attended this school from 1st Grade to 8th, in 8th we go to Israel.
>School shilled the trip to make us stay there, was a pretty shitty education, for they didn't teach some essential shit properly, fucked me later in high school.
>Arrive at Jerusalem airport, normal shit, faggots ignoring me like they had normally done throughout my time there.
> A Day and a 1/2 in, tired, we are going to the underground western wall
>Note about the trip: We were going with 2 other middle schools.
>On way to the place, fall asleep due to jet lag.
>FirstIncident.jpg
>I fall asleep next to a guy on the bus, Dickhead doesn't even try to wake me up.
>Nobody notices me, like usual.
>Stuck with Israeli bus driver
>Somewhat dazed and confused, go with bus driver to his parent's house.
>Dude speaks no english, have no idea what he is saying.
> At this point, I feel bad for him, due to the fact that this faggot just showed up (me).
>Get back to the group, at the wall.
>A group of 40 jewish children, including the ones i knew, all look at me, and start laughing at me.
>This is when I realized that life was not going to work out well for me.
>Worst part however, was not the fact that the kids were laughing at me, that was expected, save a few.
>The worst part was the fact that the chaperones, teachers of mine, were also laughing, and did not try to help me in the slightest.
>I trusted these people, and this act of negligence, in addition to 2nd incident (coming soon), almost sent me off the deep end, thought about an heroing.

>>744146086
>Back to the story
>I then watch everyone i thought I knew, slowly cave to peer pressure.
>AsExpected.jpg
>Fast forward to a few days later.
>Friend of many years up to that point invites me to talk in his room.
>2ndIncident.exe has started running
>Go into friend's room, lets call him Zach
>Zach then, along with 2 other faggots
>They then take me, place me under the sink, place towel tight on my face, and pour water.
>Waterboarding.jpg
>Too scared, brain gets sensation of drowning
>Throw up a little, immediately goes back into mouth.
>This, although it was only 2 minutes, felt like an eternity.
>Especially because it was by someone I trust, in addition to the 2 guys who helped him (also trusted them)
>Walk out stunned, lost faith in humanity.
>...

>>744146139
>After Israel Trip
>I attempt a form of communication with this man, after about 3 weeks of minimal communication with the outside world.
>During this time, I attempted suicide.
>Parents thought I was being overdramatic.
>Probably was.
>Back to the story
>I skype this man,
>I ask him "Zach, why did you waterboard me?"
> He replies "Well anon, I just wanted to. And you were the easiest to do it to because I knew you wouldn't resist."
> I have not spoken to him since.
That day has haunted my memory for years now, because it is a constant reminder of how I can never truly trust anyone, and how even those who you think understand, never will. Thank you for listening in on my faggotry.
>Flash Back to week before end of school.
>Depressed as shit, look around to see if anyone cares about what just happened.
>As normal, nobody does
>In fact, school attempts to cover up the issue, and pretends like it didn't happen (The bus incident that it, not the waterboarding)
>Even if the waterboarding got out to beside the kids, Zach's parents have enough money to "make it all go away".
>I confront the school about the bus issue, they say it was a problem and won't happen again.
>I know its bullshit, but i let it go.
>However, my parents (my mother) stopped supporting the school (My dad wanted to pretend like nothing happened)
All in all, lesson is to never trust kids, or people in general. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Anyway, that's my story, sorry for bothering everyone.

>>744143333
You should stop being one. You're just hurting people in the end.

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>>744145967
I hope it blows over bro. give it a little time, it's also possible she liked it and wanted more but didn't want to seem like a slut in front of everyone.

>>744136510
Uhh i hate myself for being autistic and having ADD

>>744146086
just become a neo-nazi and show dem kikes who's boss. take out your frustration out on your "people" for betraying and belittling you.

I just wanna get this off my chest. I'm not depressed or anything i assume to be in the state of depression. I don't have any active social media pages and no close relatives.Growing up i was poor due to the fact that my dad was a first generation immigrant and barely spoke any english. He worked his ass off cooking chinese food for white people at a 12 hours a day for minimum wage job. Looking back at it, he was the toughest person ive ever met trying to support me and my little brother by himself but that doesnt excuse all the wrong hes done in my life. Hence why my name is now in the foster system. Because he had me when he was young, he didnt know how to be a parent and my mom wasnt in the picture. My dad and i had respect and trust issues. I would always move from school to school and would sometimes transfer from 2 different schools a school year. I dealt with this by becoming very social and talkative so i could easily make friends. But after 7th grade i realised that everything never really mattered. I could make all the friends i wanted but i could never keep em. I became a delinquent. It started with me going from a A and B student to not even doing homework and trying on the tests. It gradually got worse and worse. I started ditching and cutting school 8th grade. When freshman year came up i was getting into fights and being suspended. I kept this act until junior year of highschool and figured out i wasnt going to get anywhere in my life. I was already in the system by this time. By senior year i decided i caught up on all my missing credits for highschool and decided to join the military. I dont have any contact with my dad or brother. I dont have any real friends but just people from high school that never text me first. I find out that i always have to be the one to start the conversation. When i join the army, i'm going to be in the infantry. I hope i die out there being blown up or shot. That way i'll truly feel like i lived and died for something.

>>744146462
Thanks man, i really hope so. I've been in a similar situation where a chick didnt want to come off as a slut. Just sucks that it was blown out of proportion like it did.

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>>744146086
>not the way I thought it was going to go or end
>not mad I read it

thanks bro, a few questions though
>why were they laughing at you?it doesn't seem that funny that someone would be asleep and I laught at fart jokes.
>doesn't it seem a bit more weird that the bus driver took you to his parents house? no matter what language he speaks wouldn't he just take you to the damn wall? everytime I've been on a tour group like that all the drivers have taken 500-1,000 groups to look at 1 of 10 things in town.
>why would you talk to zach again? he is obviously a dick to you, why bother?

do you have any where you jizz on someone's face (or someone else on yours) and get caught right after and are forced to divulge an inconvenient truth?

pic semi-related, it's the toolman

>>744147373
>>744146086
you should kill Zach

>>744146594
America is the country of great possibilities yet?

>>744146086
Another Jew here. What denomination? What shuul?
Anyways, story time. I feel like spinning a yarn. Here's some setup or something.
>Be me
>Little beta faggot at 11
>Like most little Jewboys, start going to camp aroung this age
>Alas, no, it was not anything remotely similar to Auschwitz, although by this point in my life I'm wishing there was.
>About a month long sleepaway during the summer
>Got coerced into going by some friends who went for a shorter session the year before and liked it
>I didn't go cuz I was a little shit who didn't wanna give up his PS2 (no electronics at camp)
>Well anyways, I go this year
>It's fucking fantastic. I get super active, one of my counselors is this sex god from Israel (six foot two, ripped, bronzed, huge beard, looked like Zeus Rosen) and he gets us eating really healthy so we all turn into stronk little 11 year olds (me and my cabin of like 10 other kids plus two other counselors)(no sex was had with any of them, sorry you shota loving fags)
>Meet a ton of cool people, both in my bunk and out, have a bunch of really fun activities all the time, was never bored, it was great. Jews don't pretend to know what happens when you die, but I sure as hell hope heaven is just Jewish summer camp forever, it was that awesome.
>Go home, have one week 'til school starts
>Pass this week biking around the neighborhood, playing Pokemon and Bully (parents didn't care), and generally being sedentary
>School starts
>I'm a fucking idiot and nearly get suspended for some dumb shit, apparently some parent thought I was gonna shoot up the school up cuz there'd been a shooting nearby a year ago.
>Get alienated to fuck
>No friends, go through all of sixth grade alone with my games and friends from camp and shuul who lived nearby, so basically like two guys
Conting whether you fags like it or not, I'm drunk, high, and don't give a shit. Also AMA when I'm done.

>>744149200
roll for more

I genuinely think i'm nearing the end. I was abused by mother, a stranger forced me to suck them off and forced themselves in me, my mother committed suicide a while back. My father is the only reason i havent killed myself yet. he cares about me and wants me to be happy but im so fucked up i cant do normal everyday shit without falling apart. i'm so fucked up i just dont think i can function in society and ultimately for my sake it would be best to kill myself as soon as possible just to end the endless unhappiness and sadness i feel. but i also know that it would break my fathers heart to have to bury me. so for now im living for him working and going to therapy and trying to "fix myself"

but i dont think thats going to happen and i dont know what im going to do once he's gone.

TL;DR im a huge fucking pussy

>>744149200
>Start puberty early and get a really deep voice and acne when I'm fucking twelve (I got picked on like hell because I hadn't hit any growth spurts, but at least I could bust nuts)
>During the last few months of school my parents start fighting, I didn't know it because they were quiet about it but apparently my mom fucked some dude
>I start getting really stressed out because my dad was more orthodox-conservative and wanted me to have a conservative Bar Mitzvah, so I'm doing school (I went to a charter school cuz fuck southern education systems) homework plus training for a Bar Mitzvah plus getting bullied like shit in school plus my parents might get a divorce
>As you can imagine, this does wonders for my mental health.
>Leads to some issues we'll get too later.
>Anyways, school ends, a new kid moves to the city and onto my street, get to be pretty good friends with him. His name's Aaron and he's also going to camp along with me and the other 3 friends
>Apparently I'm going from special snowflake school A to special snowflake school B, so that's nice
>I'm also going to camp again
>Shit's looking good
>Then my mom fucks another guy and my parents start openly fighting
>This is great, I hate my dad because he's a religious cunt, and now my mom who I liked is turning abusive
>Camp starts
>Had the same cabin plus Aaron, I now have 11 brothers in arms, partners in crime, compadres, comrades, closest of friends.
>No parents fighting, no school, no Bar Mitzvah prep
>Just endless days spent eating good food, playing in the sun and chilling in the lake or pool
>It's fucking wonderful
>I get super fit again, which is nice cuz I was always a borderline fat fuck.
>Life's good
>Camp ends
>I go home, spend the last week being sedentary again, basically avoiding my parents fighting and playing as much vidya as I can
Conting whether you like it or not, tell me what you're enjoying or if you're not

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>>744150226
>parents fighting

are they still together?

>>744149460
Lol singles, don't worry tho
>>744150226
>School starts again
>Fuckingwonderful.jpeg
>Dad is making me do a sport
>Hellyeahevenmoreshittoworryabout.gif
>Pick swim, swim is great, full body workout and gains like hell
>School still sucks, turn thirteen that year and start to really develop mental issues
>Anxiety disorder, panic attacks
>Early symptoms of depression, get a bit edgy but keep a lid on it (mostly, did have one incident where I wore a fedora for about a month, god I regret that, also I was 13 and in 7th grade)
>Still alienated by school friends but Aaron also goes to my school now, and because he's more of a loner type me and him become close friends and don't really associate with anyone else but the three dudes from Jew Church, Ron, Jon(athan), and Alex.
>Parents still fighting, it's not getting any better
>Basically spending my time at Aarons house, playing vidya and noticing that girls are a thing.
>Usually hang out with the komrades from shuul once a week, rest of my time is either homework, getting forced to stay home by my dad to practice hebrew with him while he fends off sharp comments from my mother
>Bar Mitzvah comes in december. Around this time, I realize suicide is an option
>Have a massive panic attack night before Bar Mitzvah, think long and hard about an heroing.
>Don't
>Bar Mitzvah comes and goes, get a shitton of money, party is me and my friends running around town on our bikes doing thirteen-year-olds-on-bikes things and then going over to my house to play vidya until about 2, when we all passed out
>Removal of Bar Mitzvah stress is nice
>I start going from getting C's and D's in school to C's and B's which is nice
>Start getting okay at swim
>Still bullied at school, but less. Start to make a couple more "friends" (people I talked too)
>Life's looking up
>Parents are still fighting but I'm still managing
>School ends
>HYPEHYPEHYPEHYPE.exe
Are y'all gonna bump the thread or is my writing really that bad

>>744151101
Your writing isn't bad anon, I would consider it good!

>>744145692
Everything about you is a series of reactions in your brain, once that's gone, you cease to exist. Your consciousness, feelings and memories are no more.

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>>744151101
>fends off sharp comments from my mother

so she cheated more than once and still talked shit to your dad? was he unemployed or something?

agreed, writing not bad. keep going.

>>744150531
lol nope
>>744151101
>Camp
>First day, that thing that happens in movies happens
>I see her
>Y'know, the one with the perfect hair and the perfect eyes and smile and body and holy shit she's in a Shadow of the Colossus shirt I didn't even know those existed
>Don't talk to her for the first week because I'm still a beta shit, but then me and the "old guard" as we monikered ourselves started to do our thing
>Get abs and a tan again, acne fades because my grandma sent me meds for it (basically all she does in this story), and get into the swing of things
>Camp is pretty small, around 900 people including all staff. I know about 450 of 'em.
>Love them all, they all love me. I'm not even a super alpha, friends with everyone type, that's just the way shit is at camp
>Eventually, girl who's pretty much my sister but lives a state away from me and with whom I only interact with at camp sets me up with Leah as a "Shabbatie Hottie"
>Basically, we spend Shabbat (the day of rest, prayer, charity, etc in the week. When God rested from creating the world in the Torah), which means 4 hours of free time over the entire camp (from the ropes course to the kitchen for cooking classes to the lake), then a nice(r) dinner, then services on a rise over a lake with a fucking perfect view of the sunset, then dancing for hours, then sitting around a campfire and singing old Leonard Cohen songs and Lean on Me and stuff like that
>Shabbat's great
>Leah and I meet up at the start, and after awkwardly talking for about 2 minutes about what we want to do, I make some spergy reference to Shadow of the Colossus
>This sparks a 10 hour long talk that lasted through all of freetime (the good ol' walk and talk my bois. Works every time), dinner, services, dancing, and only pauses to sing songs we like at the campfire
>Men, I did not know love then, but I was as close as a 13 year old could be then
Thanks for the support y'all

>>744151861
men killed it for me
good thing the weeb meem music I'm listening too killed it before the men

my gf dumped me because she doesn't want kids ever (she has valid reasons) but I want them. I thought I would marry this girl, she's beautiful and talented and we were great for each other. but now, the first girl I've loved in almost a decade has left me, I have no other prospects in this shit city, and I'm too introverted to meet new people. I'll be 26 in a month as all my friends are getting married and popping out kids like crazy. I have been depressed all night. I'm also taking a break from smoking weed, which is probably compounding my shit mood, but I smoke too much and it is hurting my productivity and I feel like I need to cut back. I just feel worthless and alone tonight

>>744151660
Nope, she was just a fucking bitch, and he was sorta a sperg
>>744152062
Shoulda said /b/ros, but I'm drunk and forgot I'm a faggot
>>744151861
>I get back to the cabin and I cannot contain myself
>Get insulted at camp for the first time for being a fucking loudmouth about a chick and 12:30 at night
Also I feel like I should clarify that the counselors at camp were pretty much older brothers, not counselors. Also forgot to mention discussion went everywhere
>Next day
>Keep talking to Leah, find out she lives a few miles away, but goes to a different Shuul, the reform one (the liberal one. Conservatives live up to their political namesake and the orthodoxy are the ones you'd suspect of running the world)
>FUCKYES.fuckyes
>Basically the rest of camp goes like this for me whenever I'm with her, and when I'm not because of different activities it was the same bliss it always is at camp.
>Camp ends
>Spend the week before school with Leah at her house mostly, her parents were super cool, playing vidya and talking.
>I'm still a bit of a beta fag so it takes me two years to realize she's into me too, more on that later
>Life continues pretty much the same, about 5/10 on the bullying scale, but my Jew friends make it bearable
>Leah and I slowly become closer, Aaron somehow picks up a chick from school (dude actually had autism, was a total weeb but I still liked him), so me and him sort of drift apart, but at the level we were at it means going from hanging out pretty much whenever we weren't doing homework or sports to three or four times a week.
>Because I'm spending 80% of my time out of the house, I don't really realize when the fighting gets worse
>When the fighting gets physical sometimes
>Ah, bliss.
>Anyways
>Eighth grade ends with my mom picking me up with a strange dude in the car.
>I don't mention anything to my dad because I'm smart and know it'll make life worse
>I get dropped off and my mom leaves

>>744152534
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmO1u3ONYg8

Hope things get better anon :(

tried to drink myself to death last night.
i came home for the first time in months to see my friends and got mega depressed. downed almost a liter of Jack before I realized they'd just take me to the hospital and pump my stomach. told my friends I don't remember drinking that much. feels bad

>>744152889
Talk to us, what's wrong? What pushed you to the edge to drink yourself to death?

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>>744152703

I'm going to keep reading but this better not be one of those deals where Leah ends up being your own mother who fell through a timewarp to come on to you.

>>744142945
actual lol

>>744153037
I've been depressed for about 10 years. it's mainly for dumb shit. I can do most things with little effort, topping classes, sports, I graduated top of my class in high school, college, and all that. but I fail completely at making any personal connections. my best friends don't know I'm sad or even what my favorite color is. I grew up supporting myself so I can't rely on other people easily I guess.

tl;dr No friends and shit upbringing colliding with seeming success

>>744152703
>Summer, bois
>I head over to Leah's house
>We spend the day with her continuing to teach me how to paint (she was into art stuff sorta)
>I get home at around 8
>Mom isn't home
>Think nothing of it
>Next day, mom still isn't back
>IamokaywiththisbecausetherewillbenoyellingwhenItrytosleepin.png
>I head on over to Aaron's and we hang out for a bit, then go pick up the rest of the guys to go to a party everyone but me and Aaron got invited too
>When I get home from the party at around 11, my dad asks me if I've seen my mom
>No, sorry I guess
>Anon are you sure?
>Yes sir, I swear
>Alright. Go get some sleep
>Alright
>Next morning, my mom is finally home
>I know this because my father is telling her to pack up her shit and turn right back around at about 200 decibels
>She angrily complies, not before waking the dead with her horrific screeching
>I've begun to side more with my dad on this, but I don't get involved. I just get up and head to Leah's, ignoring the shitstorm. I mention it offhand and she says she's sorry, all that jazz, but her parents look concerned. At the end of the day, I get home to find out my mom has been forced out of the house to go live with her boyfriend, that my mom and dad are gonna get a divorce, and because neither of them really gives a shit about me but my dad makes more money I'm gonna stay with him
>Or so I hear
>I go to about 10 hearings and court sessions and shit where I try my damndest to stay with my dad because he's keeping the house, and I eventually pull it off by showing off some bruises some jackasses in school gave me and saying they were from her. I didn't realize then how bad I fucked up her life but I still don't really care because she's a fucking bitch who did abuse me from time to time.
Sorry I'm just all over the place with this, but as I've reiterated before I'm drunk and high. Also, this is a 100% true story and does not end in dinosaurs, time warps, or the supreme, all consuming need for about tree fiddy

>>744152879
thank you anon <3

>>744153363
Do you trust any of your friends enough to talk to them about what makes you depressed? Ever thought of getting a therapist?

You don't have to isolate yourself from them, theyre your best friends for a reason. I don't think that any of them want to see you go.

Seriously, talking it out with someone you can trust will significantly help you, its unhealthy to keep it bottled up to the point where you want to end your life. You can always work on making personal connections. It's not too late bud, give it some more time, don't waste it all this early.

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>>744136510
Bro, men don't feel.

>>744153363
pick a friend (or all your friends) and just level worth them my guy. just lay that depression and those feelings out to them and bear your soul and ask them for support. if they are good enough friends to take you to the er, they should be good enough friends to support you when you need it mentally too. maybe your connections are stronger than you think, but you've never given yourself an opportunity to see. I know if a good friend of mine came to me with that, that I would want to help them. don't feel like you have to go at it alone forever, just because it's the way you've always known. if they are friends work having, it will deepen that connection with them and they will become your brothers instead of just your friends

I had no drive for grade school whole life and took all my shit habits to college and found out all the wonderous things i had interests in could be delved into as a career olrealistically only to see myself tear away every chance to push myself toward these goals. I really want to die because i cant percieve a life where im happy without going into study and im probably going to develop some type of mania in ny life and i dont want to be a glorified welfare king

>>744153971
This 100%

You'll only get closer from this than anything, no one wants to see their friend in any life threatening situation. Or they wouldn't be your friend anyways.

>>744136510
All my life I have been depressed and I always justified that its because
1. I'm single/lonely
2. I am a disappointment to my family
3. I am a failure and will never achieve my dreams

I have everything now. My family is proud of me, I am recently engaged, and I achieved my dreams with a really fulfilling career that pays out the ass.
But I am still not happy. I have everything I have ever wanted but I can barely find a reason to get out of bed. I still don't enjoy anything, but now those goals that kept going are gone.

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I wish I wasn't a coward so I could end my paradoxical life. This world is Hell and I'm miserable.

>>744137456
It's okay buddy. No matter how shit things seem now, it will all get better if you give it a chance. Just keep your chin up, and carry on. It will be hard, but play through the pain, and you'll be glad you did later on in life.

>>744153971
i did last night actually.. I told them I've tried killing myself before and why I think it's what I should do. they leveled with me and cried and shit but I still felt the same. fuck man I was really hoping I would feel different but I don't at all. I don't want to die but at the rate I'm going I'll be dead within 5 years

>>744136510
Im growing tired of living alone. And i have the biggest fear of never meeting anyone. To make it worst..the ex that got away is still always in my head. I work, game, watch youtube, try to talk to girls but they just stop talking to me because im not happy by myself. But as of right now i havent learned to be happy without a girlfriend. So yay! I think about an hero but i cant because of the few people i know.

>>744154116
you might have legit clinical depression, the kind they make medicine for because it's beyond your control (chemical inbalances and all that which force the feelings upon you). it could be worth going to a therapist or psychiatrist to figure that out. it sounds like you've got the "life" part figured out, which is good. have you been honest with yourself in terms of what goals you have achieved? are they the goals you've wanted, or the ones you think the people around you want for you? sometimes it's hard to discern the truth there.

>>744153760
I've always kept shit bottled up so it's really unnatural for me to open up to anyone. I've been to 3 therapists and they all say the same shit. none of them have given me any convincing arguments against it

>>744153565
>The day after the last trial, I'm off to camp (my dad got rich during the dotcom boom and then like a paranoid Jew pulled out at the last second and somehow survived the Recession mostly intact financially, that's how I afford all this shit)
>It's like shooting up on heroin directly after your house is searched by the police
>Leah and I now obviously (to anyone but us) have huge crushes on each other, and Jon is with the girl who's like my sister. Alex and Ron are pretty much gay for each other and Aaron is pining after the chick from school and writing her letters constantly. I'm in really good shape and puberty is starting to really do me favors, so I'm looking up lookswise. I'm having a shitload of fun every day, have a ton of friends and am gradually falling in love.
>Lifesgood.webm
>Spend camp having a great time and getting picked on for being too much of a beta to talk to Leah about how I feel
>Camp ends
>We're moving
>FUCK
>Closer to Leah and my dad's work
>YES
>Jon's moving to Canada because his parents are bleeding heart liberals and hate it here in the south
>FUCK
>Dad's met this chick
>NO
>Who's fallen on hard times and has no place to stay
>DUDE IT'S BEEN A FUCKING MONTH AND YOU DUMPED HER FOR CHEATING
>So she's gonna be staying here with us anon, just until she gets on her feet
>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
>High school starts, new school, bullying stops pretty much. I now go to the same school as Aaron, his girl Izzy, Ron, Alex, and Leah. We form a superclique called the Jew Crew, and become our true selves: weebs, fags, autists and vidya nerds who would be losers but have each other.
Is anyone still reading or am I soapboxing to the air.

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Hey Hank!

>>744154608
Dont worry anon, youre not wasting your time. People are reading. :)

>>744154608
Reading, you are soapboxing an insomniac.

>>744154770
>>744154794
aight, I may take a quick fap break tho goyim

>>744154831
oh, come on man, you are blue balling us here.

>>744154608
I can't speak for others here but I'm still reading.
I'm enjoying the read for what it is.
If you want to continue I'll keep reading, if you'd rather leave it that's okay and thank you for sharing.

>>744154831
post cummies

>>744154417
Rome wasn't built in a day, if you have dealt with depression for 10 years than I doubt it will be resolved in a single night. you leveled with them, got some tears out, thats a great start! recovery from depression will involve a slow and gradual mind shift. continue to lean on your friends for support, talk it out with them, keep at it until you can start to zero in on the root of your depression. then work, slowly, to dismantle the mental facilities that keep that depression factory running. you can do it anon, the things worth doing in life are hard. It sounds like success came easy, but isnt worth anything to you. you may feel like you've never earned it, since it never really required any work. well, now you have something to work for. it's the will to live, to survive. it may be the hardest thing you will ever work to accomplish, but my god, you will feel like a true fucking champion if you can earn that. and you can, anon.

>>744154599
opening up to someone, to me, requires three things :

1. someone in your life you trust enough (and is worth your time) that you could open up to
2. having a severe enough problem that you can't handle it on your own (this is easily the hardest thing to admit to yourself, as someone who probably considers most every problem "handle-able", but I can assure you, there will be times in your life that you need someone)

3. that the person you are opening up to has the capability to either listen to your problem or help you with your problem.

If you think all these apply to someone, I think you should get out of your comfort zone and try to open up to them, when you need it.

>>744154945
..I didn't cry. My friends were all crying around me and I wanted to cry with them but I fucking couldn't. I've never gotten sad at traditional times. i was in the room when my grandpa passed and the only reason i cried was because of how fucked up i thought it was that i didn't feel sad. I'm sorry I worded my previous post weird

>>744155265
thanks. I've been texting my friend about it. I think I should tell them I was trying to kill myself last night. grasping that someone has the capacity to help me is the hardest part for me. I'm a failure at accepting that I need help

>>744155266
You were suppressing your emotions for so long that it doesn't come natural to express them traditionally.

>>744155266
no worries, my crying is weird too and I'm not suffering from depression. that's just how you process sadness my guy. what's important is that you opened up a bit, and they cared enough about you to cry about it, which is honestly a really awesome thing. you probably have good friends. and to me, it sounds like the connection you have with them is stronger than you give it credit for. keep talking to them about it, maybe without all the alcohol.

Also may be starting a new thread. If this one 404's, look for jewboy in the catalog 10-15 minutes later
>>744154608
>Ninth grade goes pretty well, I take an AP class and don't fail, which I'm fuckin' hyped about.
>I was getting way better at swimming, don't really notice that I'm now permanently in really good shape and am starting to look good, plus now that I can spend time at home ("stepmom" was pretty cool, didn't really mind me and I her) I'm doing pretty good in school, life's finally looking up from the terrible years of middle school, aside from the occasional panic attack or depressive episode my mental issues aren't terrible.
>it was this year I start going to parties, just a sidenote for later
>Leah and I keep getting closer, and I'm spending pretty much all my free time alone with her, with Aaron, or the Jew crew. Also, names are falsified (of course), I'm just picking random Jew names and shit
>Leah and Izzy become Aaron and I to each other, and Izzy's constantly dropping hints that I should as out Leah, especially towards the end of the year. I don't pick up on most of them, but a few are so overt I can't miss them.
>I also get a computer in ninth, along with Leah, so when we're not together we're often skyping or playing WOW together (this was in like 2009)
>As the school year comes to a close yet again I also start to notice Leah doing the Things, like the eyes, proximity, physical contact, hair flipping, etc.
>School ends
>first two months of summer are lit, I party nearly every other week, spend a shitload of time with my friends and Leah and the rest playing vidya or reading
>Camp starts
>Camp goes as camp does, I feel like I'm the fucking king of the world
>Second shabbat
>Leah and I decide to ditch dancing and the campfire cuz fuck dancing and smoke
>We can still hear the campfire once it starts
>Love song comes on (written at camp I think)
>Last lyrics of the song: And then, well, I kissed her
>They're screamed
Conting

>>744155552
bump

>>744155622
bump

>>744155552
I'm shit at keeping up with threads.
Will still look for your thread though.

>>744154549
If I followed my family's goals I would have been the 5th lawyer in my family. I really don't know what else I could possibly do to improve my situation. Even if I won the lottery or magically had infinite money, I don't think my life would change at all. I can't think of any object, any experience, or any relationship I want that isn't within my grasp. I would still get up, and go to my same job, in my same apartment.

It's not even that I am unhappy. I just don't really feel anything. Which makes it hard to be motivated to do anything. I used to wake up at 4:30 and immediately break into my routine but now I just lay in bed until like 8 until I need to feed my dogs. I've always felt like this but now I can't see anyway to fix it.

I'm mostly fucked op over my first love, but also my last ex. I wish things didn't end the way they did, I wish we talked more and got along. I wish there'd be a chance for us to hang out/get together, but it won't happen. I'll probably never see her again, for other reasons though. Nobody ever replies to my shit in feels threads.
That's not even half of my "feels", I won't get into the rest. If things in general get worse by the end of next year I'm killing my self. I'll livestream for you guys. Until then I'll just keep pushing on.

>>744155410
that sounds about right now that I read it.

>>744155811
Post more anon, let it out for us. Tell us what's got you feeling down. Don't surpress your emotions, we are here to read and try to help your situations.

>>744155407
tell them what your gut tells you to tell them. your mind will lie to you, but your instincts are honest. if you feel you should tell him, tell him. they will probably try to keep you away from alcohol for awhile (which may be a good thing, honestly, but I don't know enough about you to say for sure).

And about having the capability to help: humanity isn't about always knowing what to do. I imagine your friends will have a hard time knowing exactly *what* to do. none of us really know what to do at any given time, honestly. we are all perpetually winging it. what humans are capable of, and what you should look for in friendship, is the *willingness* to help. to be there, regardless of situation or circumstance, with no plan, no design, simply the gut feeling of "I will help my friend, however I can"


And what will surprise you; they will find a way to help. even if none of you know the answer today. keep talking to them. you will find happiness once day anon.

>>744155416
I hope I can.. I had drank quite a bit and I still had to force myself to open up.

>>744155811
Negative experiences should serve as a lesson, to show you what you should do next time you are in a situation like this, not to think what you should have done then. Once you realize your mistake, move forward. There will be another person that you can light your fire, man. Life is not about not falling, it's about getting up after you have fallen and only looking back to see what you can change and to realize how much you have grown.

>>744155964
Thank you man. The therapists all cleared me based on a "doesn't seem very likely to attempt suicide " basis. I suppose I'm trying to expect clean answers in a world that offers none

lost literally the love of my life today because im an autistic sperg, i spent three years working up to boyfriend status only to have it ruined in a mere fucking hour because im stupid. she was like a 10/10 too, we shared the same fetishes and intrests. things were going good for a long time until today when she said she needed a break from me and i got upset about it. god i wish i didnt freak out the way i did lmao, oh well i guess.

>>744155552
>I don't know what came over me, but I like to think it was the souls of my ancestors who walked across half of Russia and all of Europe, only to come back around a year later to kill Nazis
>At the start of the line I grab Leah around the waist with one arm and have one sorta run parallel to her back with my fingers in her hair. I whisper the lyrics as they come (we hadn't been talking during the song)
>And then, well, I kissed her
>For about 30 minutes
>We're discovered there, under the stars, by the night patrol out making sure none of the little kids had gotten lost. We laugh it off, go back to our cabins, and sleep
>The next morning, Leah and I are super awkward until I sit down next to her at breakfast, look around the table, say "well, it's been a while in the making but I finally got the hint", and kiss her again
>For about 2 seconds, and then I get slapped by Izzy
>ANON! DON'T EMBARRASS HER LIKE THAT!
>wutever.jpg
>However the rest of the table doesn't react like that
>The girls start screaming and rush Leah off to do their girl things and the boys parade me around screaming ONE OF US, ONE OF US!
>That day, I was Chad
>I was a king
>/b/ros, it was fucking glorious. Once we die and get to the Great Big Camp in the Sky, you should try it
>After the auld rituals were completed and me and Leah were back together (that was our first and second kisses right there btw), I confess just how deep I was in love with her. She says she's about on the same level
>Holy shit
>It was wonderful y'all
>Anyways, camp continues in a haze of joy until the second to last night. There aren't any nightly patrols out because the camp has a tradition of "raiding" (sneaking out and causing problems at night). My cabin had already been on 4, so we didn't need another.
>But I sneak out anyways
Y'all still here?

>>744155758
maybe the domestic life was never your calling. do you have creative outlets at all? honestly, it may be worth your time to try something like LSD, too. it may help you to get out of the mental emotionless rut you are stuck in.

another thought: it sounds like you have achieved basically all of life's creature comforts. that's awesome! however, it could be beneficial to you to start doing more service-oriented work. help other people try to achieve what you have already achieved. work with some of the less fortunate and see if you can bolster them up. it's incredibly rewarding to see the humanity in those that you normally haven't even registered on your radar. everyone has a story. everyone is someone, to someone.

>>744155872
Of course it sounds right. When my dog died I was in a rough patch in my life and when my father came home he went on his knees and cried for the better part of half an hour. I just stood there and watched. I just couldn't get any emotion out of me. Now looking back it must have fucked me even more, but at that moment I wasn't feeling like crying. When he got the new dog I went mad on him, because I didn't want to go through the same feeling.

>>744156182
Tell her what you think now, explain that you like her why you reacted that way and what you REALLY feel about her. It's not too late, it's not like it happened 10 years ago.

>>744156192
Mhm. MOAR

>>744156192
this is good

>>744156311
it's tough trying to teach yourself the most innate human traits

femanon here without any weed - smoke a bowl for me

>lost many friends and a girlfriend to suicide throughout early teen years
>became a cunt and shoved all my feelings inside
>do drugs a lot (trying to be safe about it, though)
>meet dude
>its like looking in a mirror
>do drugs with him
>constantly talk shit with him
>insult each other like there's no tomorrow
>he becomes my best friend within a week
>we both develop a crush on each other
>2 months later
>now in love with one another
>start to open up to him
>feel more confident about showing emotion
>then
>he attempts suicide
>wanting to keep away from me so he doesn't hurt me
>don't know how to tell him how much this upsets me

fuck emotions yo

>>744156192
Here and sad that this thread may 404 and I'll have to look for the new one
make sure to say jewboy thread so we know anon

>>744155977
when's the last time you opened up to anyone like that?

think of it like this. do you workout, or play a sport? do you remember the very first time you ever tried to do a pull up, or throw a basketball?

opening up to people is a skill. it's not something you wake up one day fully capable of. it will require you to continue to chip away at the shell you have surrounded your emotions with. don't feel like you have to be non stop emotional train wreck or anything to "open up" to them. it's a process, it takes time and energy and effort and dedication. but you've made the first steps. you've done your first pull up. you probably feel a little sore from the workout, but its a good, cathartic soreness. it's reminding you that you made progress. you can do it.

>>744156426
That's why people gave you the advice to do it with friends. I have been sperging through my first relationship because nobody had interacted with me this way. To some it comes naturally. I was acting like a complete idiot. Same is with emotions, you need to learn to control them.

>>744156490
Go to him and tell him
>we need to talk
Tell him pretty much word for word what you have told here. Maybe screencap it and show it to him, it's not needed to talk, just make sure the information gets to him.

God's not saving me this time man.
It's all fucking over.
Jesus fucking Christ what did I do.
I'm dying.
I'm actually fucking dying and going to burn in Hell for eternity.

>>744156176
it's never cut and dry. the "answers" they often want you to find are laid out in nice little straight two lane roads, with all the rest stops you need on each mile. that shit isn't realistic, life is more like an uphill trek through uncharted forest. it's up to you to find the answers, and you have no map.
what you do have is a compass. your soul, if you will. just try to follow the right direction, listen to what it's telling you, and know that every step of the way you may have to clear out more bramble, or get sidetracked or lost for a bit. it's about persistence and perseverance, and a willingness to get back up when you've fallen, and to take the ones with you on your journey that you care about, that leads you to happiness. in my opinion, anyways.

>>744156192
>Y'see, one of my counselors was a total bro. Also, he had brought a box of the Really Nice Condoms to camp
>Which he conveniently left right in the open
>Me and Leah had plans to go sneak out and maybe kiss again
>We both knew that wasn't the only thing that was happening (for those of you who're skeptical that this is a rape, she'd mention no less than 5 times the previous day that she was on the pill)
>We meet up
>Head out the the really secluded spot where we first kissed
>We don't even waste time with words
>We're kissing
>Then tongues
>Then my hands are getting low
>I stop
>I whisper if she wants this
>She looks me in the eye and says "Fuck yeah"
>I take off her shirt and bra in one pretty smooth motion
>She starts to go down on me
>Kisses my neck
>Both pecs
>Each ab
>Holy shit my dick's gonna pop
>Finally, the tip
>First blowjob /b/oyos
>No teeth, little bit of tongue, plenty of suction
>Iamokaywiththis.gif
>I cum with the force of a thousand dying suns
>She swallows
>Holy shit
>I spend like five minutes going down on her
>Exploring
>B-cups
>Nice firm buttocks because she was too pure to have an ass
>smooth, pale skin
>Green eyes
>Short blonde hair (shoulder length)
>Just enough muscle to keep it interesting
>Eat her out
>She lasts about 15 minutes
>Whole body clenches
>Lets out this fucking sexy as hell moan
>I stand back up (she was leaning against a tree and I was squatting down) and start kissing her neck
>She turns around
>I condomize
>I insert penor
>Hoooooooooooooooly fuck
>Shit
>Was
>Cash
>Nut again, she cums too. We both keep going and take cuddle breaks at intervals until about 5, when we agree we're too tired for more and go back to our cabins
>Next day, we make three jokes about it and continue as normal. Way I see it, there was literally nothing to break us up. I wouldn't mind if she cheated on me with my dad because I couldn't conceive of her loving anyone but me or vice versa.
>Camp ends
It ain't over yet /b/ros

>>744156273
Idk I feel like my job is pretty creative and I live in an area where I can go camping with my two dogs every weekend, or go see live music and art.

I tried that and have mentored a lot of people into being more successful and even started my own charity to help get kids through school. I even found out a girl who almost had to drop out of community college because she couldn't afford it before I stepped in just got became a surgeon.

I hope I don't sound like a pretentious douchebag, that certainly isn't my intent. I just can't figure out why I am not happy. I thought if I got organized, if I worked hard, I could be the person I wanted to be. But now I just don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from here and I feel completely helpless. I know I matter to other people and my life has an impact, by I can't see why my life should matter to me. I feel like I am just trying to keep busy until I die.

>>744156944
*/b/eaners

Over the past 2.5 months I've been off school, (not american) I've been slipping back into my depression, truethfully feeling like i did a year a half ago when i tried to kill myself.
My mother tells me her boyfriene doesn't want me living here anymore, (he didn't from the start as he used to shout at me for other people leaving stuff out,) he walking in to my room today (creepy as a 16 yo girl who sleeps nude) and asked if i left a fucking pot down stairs. When I said sorry, I was tired and forgot about it. He said "unbelievable" like I'd fucking killed his family and raped his families pets.
Anyway, they keep treatening to send me to my dads. Who last time i lived with him he hit me on two occations and no one said anything.
Might become homeless or make my mother hate me more if I drive a 'wedge' in there relationship.
If she cared about me an ounce in the last 16 years maybe i wouldn't have started to develop clinical depression at the age of 8 and would know who I am without depression.

Anyway. Just counting the days till i break and throw myself off the humber bridge.

Cya,

Jew here, I'm gonna have that wank cuz remembering this makes me horny. Also, warning, there's like one more happy post and then it allll goes to shit.

Somebody fucking help me.

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Posts pictures. I'm tired of the pity party.

>>744157371
Will keep bumping friend.

>>744157436
What is wrong?

>>744156542
You're right. I've always handled my own problems so I naturally viewed people that so openly and intimately ask for help as weak.. just another layer I guess

>>744157475
I've ruined my fucking life.
I fucked up bad.
I'm fucking up now.
Nothing fucking works anymore.
I'm scared to fucking death right now and I can't even bury my face.

>>744157606
Could you go more into detail, anon?

>>744156836
finding the answers has been one of the more motivating things for me. hitting a wall with that hit pretty hard, but looking for a unicorn was destined to fail I suppose

>>744157102
I feel you, honestly. I've had a rough night myself, wondering why I feel unhappy and why nothing is bringing me any joy tonight (that's why I came here to begin with)
I don't think you sound pretentious, you would if you were bragging, but I know you aren't. you are providing context, it's no worries.

what sounds like you are dealing with is that good ol, existential dread. I mean, you aren't wrong. there isn't much purpose to what we are doing here. we are all destined to be put 6ft into the dirt. I realized awhile ago that if you searched for a "reason" for it all, you would just realize more and more how purposeless it all really is.

now, take that line of thought and realize something else: if that's all there is, then the purpose may truly be to simply... live. to live, and enjoy the moments. to take in each breath with a smile, because you have breaths to take. love your neighbors, bring joy to the lives around you, enrich the human experience for all those that you can, and simply enjoy the ride.

another thing, which I feel like could potentially really help you (and this is not advice I would give to many), but... start a family. have children, and pass on to them the knowledge and experiences you have had. nurture them and help them become successful and happy, and see how it enriches your own life and purpose.

first things first though my guy, swing by a doc and make sure your brain isn't missing any chemicals it needs. at the end of the day, emotions are mostly chemicals firing off, make sure yours are accounted for!

>>744157664
It's so fucking insane man.
It's so fucking insane.
You're not gonna believe me even if I tell you.

>>744157810
I cannot promise that I would believe you, but the least you can get out of it is venting.

too all of you who say life is too hard, its so hard you want too die, here is a song https://soundcloud.com/siradrianmusic/htw0027-denis-kenzo-jilliana

BTW: one said you wanted something beyond you to happen to you,

i answer as first post, my first time ever here on this page, DMT, or should i say dimethyltryptamine,

i want also to say this is an ingested compund anyone in the normal world or non---drug-----addict would call an addictive drug,

well i say too you who have anything to say about DMT with absolutly no knowladge, DMT CANNOT BE DESCUSSED WITH A PERSON WHO HAS NOT TRIED DMT,

IT IS NOT ADDICTIVE, IF SMOKED (like i did) ITS 7 min 15 min of your life (if you do it right) in another realm.

so there is absolutly no haste, i am a hard drug user, but DMT is NOT a drug its a compund of (whatever) (can not be descussed unless been there)

sooo if you want to die, i fucking cencerly congratulate that DMT will fucking RAPE THAT TOUGHT OF KILLING YOURSELF, YOU WOULD SIT AFTERWARDS AND THINK, WHAAAAAT THE FUIUUUUUCK DID I JUST GO TROUGH? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEND NOW? SHIT I GOTTA FUCKING!!===??


and then.... no rush i did it 5 years ago, i am still amazed by DMT and i want to try it again, maby in 10 years, BUT NOT NOW LIKE FUCKINGS HEROIN :DDDDDDD


blesss :D <3

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>>744156944
Keep going

>>744157580
the first thing you gotta realize, emotions are not weakness. they are what keep us human. they are intrinsic to life, and are meant to be shared (gracefully, obviously I'm not talking about crying over spilled milk to anyone who will listen). when it comes to friendships and creating real connections as adults, it's about finding someone who can maturely and responsibly handle emotional openness and trust. it's a two way street. it isn't indicative of weakness, it's indicative of a healthy bond between two human beings. work on continuing to open your mind up to it, like I said it'll be a process and won't happen over night. but you have good friends, I have faith that you will persevere

>>744157865
No, no that just makes shit worse.
Fucking fuck this isn't fucking possible.

>>744156944
ahh fuck man, I'm getting tired
can you add me on discord and send the greentext? this is interesting but I can't stay up for too long

>>744158010
Thanks man. it means a lot. I'm gonna try to sleep

>>744157687
don't worry, you can still be looking for the answers. it's just your approach you need to change, because the answer probably won't be a tangible thing. like you said, you were chasing a unicorn.

the answers that help us the most are often the ones we stumble onto by accident. the secret is to be moving in the right direction! as long as you keep pushing forward, you'll end up where you want to be before you realize you got there. don't lose that motivation, just adjust the approach and keep an open mind

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>>744136510
I was heavily abused and neglected as a child to the point that I cannot form meaningful relationships with people. However i crave social interaction so I pour all of my need for interaction into my dog. I take this fucker everywhere and give him everything he coule ever want or need. In return this little furry fucker is the best dog you could ever hope for.

he is kind with kids, cats, other dogs. He is one of the smartest dogs I have ever met, He knew mulitple tricks with both verbal commands and silent cues. My dog was my only friend in this rotten world.

Three year ago my dog started to cough all the time so I took him to the vet. She informed me that Doggo has congestive heart failure and fluid is backing up into his lungs.

>doggo goes on meds.

Doggos heart enlarges to the point that it pushes on his airways, so everytime he gets excited he coughs like crazy.

>doggo cant adventure anymore
>doggo will die

I put that furry bastard on every med I could buy, often eating ramen noodles for weeks just so he could have his fucking heart meds.

last week I came home from applying to a job and got worried when I didnt hear him barking to come great me (I let him out before leaving)

>doggo is kill

I walked through this dogs entire life and I missed being there for him when he passed.

Doggo is kill and so is myself.

>>744157697
thanks man, you really made a difference in my day. Its nice to have someone listen. I am sorry you are going through the same

>>744157928
>>744158117
Wank complete. There's some good shit on >>>/gif/ and a decent r34 thread up if y'all're interested
Anyways

>>744157810
dude it's b, I don't believe anything here (I also believe everything here).

tell me of the insanity. start with just a little bit. not all at once. take it slow.

I don't know what it is people expect in these threads. I know they want the attention their miserable asses don't get in the real world, but why does it always wind up turning into people giving and taking advice? Do you seriously thing a bunch of social deviants and losers lurking the boards have all the answers? Seriously?

Good look with that anons, and take the shit you read with a grain of salt.

>>744158167
Oh fuck :'(

>>744158218
dear you to try mine

>>744158218
It's about feels, anon. Feels are to be shared, that's how a human stays sane. It is only natural to people sharing experiences and venting to get that burden off their chest.

>>744158167
I know that feel bro i give my condolences and I drink to your health

>>744158121
I'm about to do the same. I am taking a break from weed and haven't slept without it in months, so I'm still pretty wired, but I'll make it.

now, wake up tomorrow, and know it's a new day. come hang out on here again with us some time. I'm glad you opened up to us anons.

>>744158167
Hey man, I've been there. Same exact disease, but the dog died in my arms while I was trying to save him. It'll be hard, but I think opening up to a new puppy will be good for you when you're done grieving. Have a picture of your old pal around, and you'll know when the time is right when you look at it and feel at peace

>>744158176
what kind of r34 do you like?

>>744158294
>>744158167
Sorry I can't put anymore emotion into a comment the abusive and one-sided relationships I've had really fucked me up

>>744158171
I'm glad you were here to, it was a good conversation and I'm glad you got something out of it. I feel a lot better just having some communication and potentially helping someone, so thank you. get some sleep and feel better my guy, we are all in this together after all.

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>>744136510
A necessary evil that had to do, this was a year ago... she was the one. But hey gotta keep moving forward.

>>744158208
People can hear my thoughts but I can't hear theirs, for one.

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Listen to nocturne No.2 guys, let out all your emotions out through the power of music.

>>744158557
Could you not?

>>744158557
Fucking love Chopin.

I can't maintain a healthy relationship. No matter how much I try, I always get bored and cheat on her. What should I do?

>>>744158423
Everything but the Cortana because I love Halo. I'm a pretty indiscriminate fapper, just not too much liquids (cum, spit, etc), no furries, no FB and no kids. Traps occasionally.
>>744156944
>We spend the next week with eachother pretty much nonstop
>The same shit + cuddling and sex
>Literally the perfect relationship
>School starts
>Alex has made a friend while me and Leah were off fucking
>Holy shit man
>WHy
>This dude is a total fucking loser
>Compared to us
>It takes two days for it to become apparent to me he started hanging out with us because he has a crush on Leah
>Nobody but Alex likes him. I have no clue why. Nobody really pays much attention to him. Basically the group at this point is me and Leah and Aaron and Izzy at the core, Ron and Alex (who at this point had accepted their faggotry inwardly and would come out when they broke up), two or three other people who rotated annually, and Buford. Yeah, let's call him Buford
>As the year winds, on my dad and his new gf get closer and closer, and I overhear the word "marry" a few times
>Then apparently they're getting married
>Okay.okay
>Buford is trying his damndest to get in with Leah
>I decide this is not good
>I go have a chat with him
>Apparently he wasn't aware me and Leah were dating
>yeahsuredude.png
>Fucking cunt
>anyways
>Leah and I keep going strong despite Buford saying hi in the halls once or twice a month, and then my stepmom and dad get married
>Rest of tenth grade goes pretty well.
>Summer
>Camp
>Camp follows the pattern that camp has, except it's even better because now I don't have to daydream about holding hands with and cuddling with and kissing and wank and fucking Leah, I can just do it.
>Eleventh grade.
>Literally same as Tenth but the courses are different and the math is harder. Also the rotating friends solidify into Ana, Sierra, Jackson, Chris, and Talia.
>Grades are good, I compete at state for swim
>Summer
Conting

>>744158663
https://youtu.be/W8LoC3siqIY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>744158758
Dunno how the wank snuck into >Camp follows the pattern that camp has, except it's even better because now I don't have to daydream about holding hands with and cuddling with and kissing and wank and fucking Leah, I can just do it.
but it did. Sorry bout that

>>744158883
Solid performance.

>>744158758
You said this shit was pretyped. Taking forever, and no fucking feels yet. Hurry up and get to the part where she dies/breaks your heart, too much useless fluff.

>>744158962
I love her, but I hate the way she plays that.

>>744159137
to each their own, she did hammer at it a little bit too much though.

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>>744157474
That's what I said to my ex, see you in another life. I'm happy for her I'm just so lonely and fuck up anything I touch. I just keep on day by day always shit.Lamenters

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>>744139037
Try Wizchan out.

>>744159179
That's what I said to everything, cause I ain't do jack shit right

>>744159212
>img.jpg
Me irl

>>744137901
Mom?

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>>744159358
>>>/reddit/

>>744159017
Aight, I'm tired. Also not pretyped.
I'm so fucking tired I'm just gonna wall it and sleep. I'll start a new thread tomorrow around 5 PM if I feel like it and the demand is high.
Basically what happened is she passed out and got molested by Buford at an end of year party for eleventh grade. I was going to go find her because I'd lost her for a bit and she'd had a lot to drink, and found her on a couch in the basement getting felt up unconscious. I'm fucking pissed. I fly into a rage. I beat the shit out of Buford. He gets arrested and some other person at the party got accused of beating him up cuz I had a really good lawyer, but Leah was fucking devastated. I tried to help but then bam. I talk to my dad for the first time in two days after the hearing and apparently we're moving to Wisconsin for no real reason other than your suddenly controlling stepmom. Leah and I try to hold together long distance, but she got accepted into some college in New York and I only made it into UT. We drift apart over a year and a half, only seeing each other once a month or so when not skyping. Final blow comes on my last visit to her nearly six and a half years ago when I fucking walk in on her fucking Aaron. That was the end of that. I then started drinking, got my degree, joined a tech startup in Germany, got fired because Jew's aren't diverse enough and they apparently didn't like the fact that I used the word bitch once, and got back to the states about two years ago. Just had another bad breakup, and now I'm drinking again and am having a really hard time with depression and anxiety and shit. The thing is, the fluff was actually a distraction tactic. I find that reading stories like that helps me a lot when I'm really deep in the hole, so I was trying to return the favor, that's all. If you guys want, I'll finish the story in full flair tomorrow at around 5PM Western, if there's interest and I feel like it.
This is Jewboy, signing off for the night.

made a discord, if any of you need to talk. God knows I do.
Code is:
Ax4MKk

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>>744159486
Back in the day, we would tease people by telling them to go back to Gaia. Good times, kid. Good times. Also, phoneposting, and shit

>>744144409
Its only rape.. hope they don't go to cops

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>>744159534
I hope you can overcome pain you're going through someday.
I'm sorry.

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>>744159751

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>>744159808

7 months ago my daughter had an accident at the playground when she was with her mother (my ex wife). She had been swinging on the bars and some other kids running underneath her while playing tag ran into her. Her grip slipped and she fell directly onto her neck.
Long story short I hear about this at work - then rush to the hospital, go through all the hoops until I finally get to see her. Get there and see her wailing that her legs don't work anymore.

I used to see a kid who was so full of life. The huge smile on her face as her red hair trailed behind when she played at the park. And now that's been taken away. They say she may be able to walk again. Maybe.

I'll love her either way. But its the innocent view of the world that's been ripped away from her. And seeing a kid down and out all the time is hard. She feels like she can't be a child anymore.

There's times where it seems like she forgets and just has fun. But the ability to walk stripped away at just 9. Im so angry and sad about it. But I hide it well

>>744160227
Well, honestly, make the kid that did it suffer. Seriously, find ways to fuck with him without getting caught. Her innocence wasn't lost, it was taken. Taken by a kid that doesn't give a shit about your daughter and by his parents that don't give a shit about their kid.

>>744157196
does your first name start with a K?