Oh, Hello anon. Good to see you again. You have 3 voicemails

>>743620315
Kinda surprised no responses...

>>743620315
>farts loudly in elevator

>>743620315
where the fuck is my coffee you stupid feminist?

>>743620315
What the fuck did I tell you about letting people in my office, Davidson? The cunt is probably going through my shit as we speak.

>implying btards have ever held a job in a semi professional environment

Guys what OS do you want for the office computers

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>>743621417
Proof that some.of us do... Pic related.

Also trucker /b/ro here. I have a trailer full of cucumbers and ky jelly for a mr. anon. Im just gonna go ahead and back into the shipping dock and wait to be unloaded.

>>743621482
windows xp faggot, get the fuck out of here now you stupid IT

>>743621482
Windows 98

It's the end of the month, where the fuck are my sales numbers? Johnson get to shipping and make sure the orders are leaving on time. I swear, Chad lets the past due numbers hit over 25k again I will replace him with a Vietnamese white I find on Craigslist. And someone get me my damn coffee

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>>743620315
fuck you, I told you no fucking visitors today!

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>>743621850
Heres your fucking coffee...

>>743621482
Big Rigs Over the Road Racing

>>743621571
I said semi-professional

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>>743621987
Now look at all the shekels you wasted there

From:
John - head of security

To:
Steve - IT

Steve, it has come to my attention that you violated the company policy regarding leaving doors and windows unlocked and open. (Company handbook page 1,176 sec34 ss12)

Please make sure all windows and doors are closed in the future.

If you have any questions please direct them to your immediate supervisor.

Sincerely, John

>>743622059
Fair enough


>still waiting to be unloaded...

We've got Raj from the Pune call center for you on Line 1. Says he needs you to approve the no-loo design re the expansion to the new facility. Designated status for street behind the office is still pending. What do?

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>>743621571
Kek. Underrated post

>>743622443
Tell him to stand by, I'll call him later. We're still trying to get the money for the bribes.... Uh... Permits together.

*None of these women are very attractive to be honest, I'll just pick out the hottest one to pine over for the rest of my career here*

>>743622595
Rule 16 also applies here faggot.

>>743622649

Sorry, I can't seem to find the part where I requested anything, let alone adult material. Also, no it doesn't.

>>743622333
From:
Frank - Director of I.T.

To:
John - head of security

John, I won't get into another discussion about this.. You need to stop using company equipment to:
1) Download
2) Print & Display
Loliporn images. What you do at home in your own time is not of our concern, but since my last warning I have seen you use several sheets of paper to print life-size versions of them. Employees have claimed to see you treating them as living beings in a relationship with you.

From here on, you are on your final warning, keep your blinds open at all times, no more of this loli stuff.

If you have any questions please direct them to your immediate supervisor.

Sincerely, Frank

Who the fuck shat in the vent again?

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>>743622438
Lets unload this 18 wheeler frank

*awkwardly leans on watercooler* Hey g-guys, seen any g-good m-movies, lately? Da-darn, breaks over, s-s-see you g-guys later...

>>743623015
It was probably jimmy. Hes always fucking around the shaft
>long slow wink

>>743623013
From: John - head of security

To: Frank I.T.

Frank, At this point i would like to remind you of last year's x mas party. Also of the pictures i have in my possession of you with that (obviously kidnapped) 12 year old korean boy. You mind your business and I'll mind mine.

Sincerely,
John - head of security

>>743623264
>>743623015
Frank - Director of I.T. here

I just reviewed the security footage and found that it was a larger female with pinkish hair. Working on getting an identity now.

That's vent 17/3, exactly one floor over the CIS WHITE MALE Breakroom.... Not confirming any ties as of yet.

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>>743623040
Trucker /b/ro here... Got tired of waiting. Heres your fucking load...

>>743623313
From: Frank

To: Jonny "Longpole Daddy"

Considering you were pimping him out to us, I find that threat comical. I'm not trying to make a problem, just keep the peace. Also, you told three of us at the same time he was your wife, not cool bro, not cool.

Keep that loli shit under wraps man. You know as well as I do, half this office is trying to stay quiet.....

Got plans this weekend?
Frank

>>743623774
From: John - head of security

To: Frank I T

That deal was with the understanding that he be given back to me ALIVE and in ONE PIECE at the end of the night. Neither of which happened.

As for this weekend, nothing planned that I cant postpone or cancel. Why, you got something?

Sincerely, John

https://youtu.be/6YZeoW-WFZ4

>>743624104
From: Frank

To: Jonny "Longpole Daddy"

Relax man, since you enjoyed my last bbq I had for us the other weekend, I figured I'd have you over to help eat down some more of the meat in the freezer.

I never considered how much white meat that would end up being..

See you 'round 7 Saturday,
Frank

From: Frank

To: Jonny - Head of security

We're hearing lots of 'gunshot' like noises from downstairs..

Everything ok?

Frank

>>743625381
>>743624590

>>743622333
>>743623013
From: Stacey - Receptionist, Front Desk

To: Frank; Steve; John; ALL RECIPIENTS

HEY GUYS, Stace here, so... I've been thinking... DO ANY OF YOU WANT TO THROW A OFFICE PARTY TO CELEBRATE LABER DAY!!!!!?!?!?!?! ;) ;) :)Like its been YEARS since we had the last one (like, when even was the Fourth of July I can't never remember)
I think the theme this time should be Puppies and Bikinis to remember the good times we had this summer and puppies to make us happy again since Summer is turning to bummer pretty soon. Everyone wear your cutest swimsuit (especially you Frank you totally need to express yourself more)and bring everything puppy themed that you own.
P.S. Frank I know kids are cute and everything but even I think you have to many pictures of yours in your office. Also why arnt you in any of the pictures with them?????
P.S.S. Chad when are you taking me to that cute Greecian (Greecican? Gremerican?? Greench????) food place downtown it was so fun last time :)

>>743625605
To: Stacy
From: Frank

Have you heard any strange noises down there on the first floor? We've head things coming from third and we're unsure what to make of it. ( >>743624590 )

Please get back,
Frank

Those are pictures I confiscated from various employees, most of the being John, while we understand he is a 'nudist beach photographer' in his free time, we can't allow him to glue the picture frames to the insides of bathroom stalls.

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>>743620315
You see Pam, you need real man meat to make the good deals and show upward trajectory in this buisness. Take my cock for example.

>>743625605
From:Craig HR Rep
To: Stacy

So help me God Stacy if you try and throw another god forsaken get together I will make sure it ends in gangrape, and not the good kind.

>>743625605
From: Stacey- receptionist
To: Frank; John

OMG LIKE IM SO SORRY FRANK I MEANT JOHN IN THAT P.S. MESSAGE. I know your always down because you live alone and work down in the basement and stuff I didn't mean to make fun of you not having a family or anything I was just talking about all those kid pictures John has on his wall
SORRY FRANK.
P.S. Frank still you need to rock that bod and wear your swimsuit tho

>>743620315
Remind me: what does this company do?
>inb4 as little as possible

>>743621327
Sorry anon, it's been lost to the sands of time.
Many years ago, there was a system in place to actually avoid this, but it too has been brushed aside by the passage of time. You see, long ago, in the time of legends, there were those among us with archival tendencies. These heroes would collect many gifs and webms, items of far-ranging subject matter and concepts, from gore, to cats, all the way to, yes, pornography. These individuals would then collate and store these images, so as to then later share them with other archivists, as well as those also participating in the threads on 4chan, and elsewhere.

The issue with this, of course, is differentiating these various files from one-another. One does not, for instance, want to see an image of a couple dozen Reliant Robins failing to take the first corner of a race when they simply want to masturbate to a woman with large breasts.

These archivists, men of mighty intellects and great decisiveness, worked to come up with a solution to this most vexatious of issues. This was an issue that was long considered, until finally the sages of long ago devised a system of unbelievable elegance and utility - sorting by file name. And so, the file names of these files would be changed to describe the contents of the webm or gif. No longer did the ancient archivists need to open dozens of files, instead simply having to look for the single one titled "MASSIVE TITTIES" to find exactly what they were looking for.

And so, for a brief but magical time, the sages were able to - at a glance - see just what was stored in their almighty archives, and a renaissance of sharing began. Better still, these brilliant and logical naming schemes meant that anybody looking on could also identify the subject matter of a given gif or webm by simply looking at the file name - with this single decision, the requests for sauce were silenced.

It's only a shame that 4chan doesn't allow you to view such a thing any more.

Oh, wait.

>>743625605
From: Brittany - Secretary
To: Stacy

OMG STACE DID YOU READ MY BRAIN OR SOMETHING????? o.O WE TOTALLY NEED TO DO THIS SOMETIME. EVEN BETTER BIKINI CONTEST. YOU ME CHRISTIE EVEN BRENDA the BUZZKILL (don't forget all the girls over in sales) WILL ROCK THIS HOUSE OUT OF ITS BLOUSE. MAYBE CHAD CAN GET ALL THE GUYS TO DO THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))))

>>743625381
From: john

To frank

Send help... Its like columbine all over again. I gotta go... Out of ammo... Hit several times... Call

>>743626163
From: Frank Director of I.T.
To: Stacy - Receptionist

Don't worry about it, hey, don't you have pink hair? No reason, just wondering..

It sure looks pink on this camera footage.

Also, stay off the 3rd floor, we reviewed the cameras, everything is fine. Also, is there any room in the Feminist breakroom on the first floor in the freezers? No reason, just wondering.

Thanks,
Franky

>>743626253
We sell, manufacture, and invent the dankest of memes...

>>743626981
From: Frank
To: John

Dude, don't go out like a bitch! I got a few ARs and we're strapping up to head that way!

Is that fillet knife still in your desk by the way?

Thanks bud,
Frank

>>743627182
INTERNAL SERVER ERROR:
ERROR CODE: 404-A

UNDELIVERABLE E-MAIL

please contact a system administrator

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>>743621571
No trucker would say shipping dock. Just dock. Why lie about being a trucker?

Trucker /b/ro here... Was pulling out of the dock and slammed into an armored truck with a bunch of faggots standing around in body armor... Pretty sure i killed some but others ran for the rear entrance. Thought your security guy should know.

>>743627381
>Frank gets email on phone...
>mfw Am Administrator of Administrators....
>Straps up heavy and heads to stairwell...
It's time to do the lords work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9cP5D0_gHc

>>743627534
Im not lying... Sitting on my bunk right now.
I called it the shipping dock because the last time i did a thread like this there was confusion regarding what i was talking about.

>>743627787
Oh gotcha. Van or reefer? Sleeper cab so OTR... Where you out of?

>>743628008
>conestoga trailer
>haul steel primarily
>based out of Michigan
>currently in KCMO

>Frank arrives at Feminist break room

http://www.miscopy.com/4127/bestgore/student-open-fire-colegio-americano-del-noreste-mexico/

>Well no gunman here, but got that out of the way.

>>743628147
>Conestoga
Good $$ right now. Should be good for a while with ELD mandate.

>>743627182
From: Chad - Occupation... ????
To: Frank; John

OUT OF THE WAY YOU NOOBS GET REKT SKILLESS SQUEAKERS FRANK FOLLOW pussyhunter696969 THATS ME WE NEED TO TAKE OUT BLUE TEAMS ARTILLERY. JOHN FLANK AND GIVE SUPPRESSIVE FIRE ON EndlessDarknessOfDeath66613 WE CAnT LOSE THIS MATCH OR MY K/D WILL DIE

>>743628165
> link saved for future reading

>Frank finds John in a pool of blood.

Fuck this shit, he was the best of me, my lover.

https://www.liveleak.com/view?i=54d_1333752609

>>743628370
>ELD

fuck those things... I run loose leaf

>>743628480
>>743628387

>>743628539
Don't you have to switch in December?

>>743620315
Having a secretary is actually old school and not common in most fields these days.....

>>743620315
Mr Jones and I tell each other fairytales, we're off to go stare at the beautiful women brb

>>743628630
We're SUPPOSED to. I run for a small company. Boss says we qualify for an exemption. I'm waiting to see how it plays out.

>>743620315
yeah well I quit

To Frank
From: Nate
It's not looking good, im down to my last few rounds for my P08 and my MP40 is busted. Send help to the second floor.

Someone should screencap this, write a backstory and immortalize it.

>>743622059
He is semi professional. He drives one

>>743628762
Rigs older than '98 are exempted I think.

Rates are gonna go up anyway.

>>743628844

From: Achmed: seceritee guy

To:all

Ignore sounds of gun. Training eczercize. All in normal. No farther contact to be made

>>743628995
That's what i heard too. But it's not my truck. So i can't do anything about it.

I see one of the guys, im down to my last potato masher, If I dont make it out, tell Johnson to stop letting sand people into the building.
-Nate

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>>743628387
From: Stacey
To: Chad

CHAAAAAAAAD ANSWER MY TEXTS YOU DICK. WHEN ARE YOU TAKING ME BACK TO THAT GREECXICAN PLACE DOWNTOWN IT WAS SOOOOOO YUUUMMMMMYYYY. HERES WAT IM GOING TO WEAR ON OUR DATE TONIGHT AND YOU BETTER LIKE IT

>>743629264
From: Mr. Anon

To: Stacey

You're fired.

Sincerely,

Mr. Anon - CEO Dank Memes Inc.

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To: Frank

From:Dan -janitor

I called in the swat. I am on the second floor. There are bodies everywhere. Dear God HELP ME

>>743629264
From: Chad
To: Stacy

Stop fucking emailing me you dumb fuck. I am neck deep in Hajji guts

>>743629467
To: Dan
From: Nate

Im in the farthest cubicle, near the bathrooms. There are still a few hajjis around, Ill hold up my helm so you can see me

Op/trucker /b/ro here. Sorry all. I gotta go. Gotta be up early. Have fun with the thread.

>>743629642
>How do I fix this shit, kinda willing to commit murder or suicide.
To: Nate
From: Sharjah Ruler

The little boy Mohammed Almazroue have arrived, is Kenny ready for his annual 1 hour sex session?

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>>743620315
I brought a cake to the breakroom for this months birthdays . Is rainbow cake very fast.

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>>743622333
You shouldn't have slept with my wife John!
>الله أكبر! الموت إلى الكفار!

I am Colby the janitor. Hrmph

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>>743629642
To: Nate
From:Dan
I think its all clear. you Okay?

>>743630361
Meh they dont pay us enough to afford c4. I aint even running.

>>743629999
You used quads for that? ppfft

>>743622333
>>743623177
>>743625411
>>743626433
>>743626944
>>743628544
>>743628844
>>743629999
>>743630555
>>743630699
Lets take a moment of silence and gaze upon these digits

>>743630555
To: Dan
From: Nate

Fuck yeah, meet me up in the stairwell on the third floor and we can clear the rest of the floors

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>>743629402
From: Stacey
To: Anon

NOOOOoOoOoOoOoOo >:( I NEED THIS JOB HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY MY RENT. Besides ALL the customers always compliment me and say they LOVE doing business with us and IM the reason they keep coming back. They say DANK MEMES is the best and serves only the best and I make everything better with my great personality and stuff. One even called me a roastie and I know thats a meme because I here everyone call me that.
P.S. Do you want more????? >;)

>>743623432
Ahhhh, fucking cunt. We have to convince our boss to fire her, him, it, whatever them identify as

>>743631180
To:Nate
From: Dan

Hell yeah! Here take some 5.56 rounds. Lets go kick some ass

>>743630134
Well im having a slice.

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>>743629491
From: Stacey
To: Chad

FUCK YOU FAGGOT I KNOW YOUR FUCKING JOHN IN THE BASEMENT AND MAKING POOR LITTLE FRANK RECORD IT YOU PERVERT. CHRISTIE told me everything I JUST wanted to LOVE you so I IGNORED IT but now YOUV GONE TWO FAR TAKE THIS AS A GOING AWAY PRESENT. MAYBE itll make you love ME again

>>743631174
This thread was blessed.

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>>743631963
and you fuckin come in here to sully this thread with your pathetic singles? get out of here with those.

To: All
From: Dan

Pretty sure the building is clear. Can I get a role call to see who is still alive?

>>743632168
All you can muster is a weak insult over singles while singles are all you offer? You are miserable.

>>743631695
To: Stacey
From: Marry

This is chads wife, please stop emailing him or God so help me i will come down there and pummel your flat ass till you are a pulp

Sincerely- Marry

>>743621482
GENTOO or GTFO. Fucking shill!

>>743632192
From: Nate
To: All
Dan and I just cleared all of the floors, is there anyone still left needing help?

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>>743632192
From: Stacey
To: Dan

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I was SO scared for a moment there will someone please cuddle me

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RICKY HERE TO FUCK THE OFFICE PRINTERS UP AND BLAME IT ON OP

>>743630134
Made it myself, charged petty cash store price. Bought weed with the money for a mentally ill homeless man and talked about the universe with him while he got high and I ate breakfast.

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>>743632309
From: Stacey
To: Bitch

DO YOU CALL THIS FLAT?
ALSO DID YOU KNOW YOUR HUBBY HAS BEEN FUCKING OTHER GUYS HMMMMMMMM

From: Frank
To: Nate

I'm on the third floor, I have a self inflicted gunshot through the neck but I lived because God is an asshole, with what's left of John. His sweet face, it is ruined.

I have an IED in my office connected to a cell and I am about to set it off. I kept it around, you know, just in case. I mean, we did store Hillary's emails and Trumps pee tapes here.... I suggest you guys vacate. Thanks for all of your hard work.

You have 11 minutes.

Thanks again, you and Dan are officially the last employees of the month. Sorry, but it's all I can do in my position.

Best wishes,
Frank

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>>743632576
And while there is a bit of smoke and rubble I sit in the breakroom eating a slice considering i may have gotten a contact buzz.

>>743632809
Fuck screencap what you can and CLEAR THE FUCKING THREAD

Dan

>>743632713
From: Marry
To: Useless slut
Chad isn't fucking any other guys, maybe if you got some cock that didnt have std's you'd stop trying to ruin other peoples lives

>>743632809
From: Anon - CEO of Dank Memes Inc.
To: Frank

Will all of you STOP ROLE PLAYING and GET BACK TO WORK or so help me I'LL FIRE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU. We have a quota to fill and Reddit Corp. is increasing production by the DAY. So will all of you STOP DICKING AROUND.

TO: DAN
FROM: NATE

We still have time, we're in the stairwell on the 2nd floor. Looks like we've made it

>>743633001
You gotta make time to enjoy life ya know. If i survive im clearing out the safe, fucking the accounts warm corpse and finding another job. This place doesn't have my real identity on paper anyway, i rent that social security number from a crackhead.

update

Me and dan are now in the car driving as fast as we can to get away. Enjoy hell, Stacey

>>743621571
True that truckers wear diapers and other weird shit to avoid having to stop to pee so often?

Did you get those tips reports John?

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>>743633201
From: Stacey
To: Stupid Bitch

I know de nile is hard but YOU KNOW HES GAY AND is FUCKING EVERYBODY down in the basement. Just because he USED TOO stick it up YOUR worn out cooch doesnt mean he still likes it. Now he likes John and Frank and Dan and Dave AND EVERY MAN ASS IN THIS BILDING

>Frank takes one last look and see's Stacy that pink haired bitch who shits in air vents, sitting there on the floor crying..

Good good, it is nearly time.

>Frank dials extension 6363 which forwards to his detonation cell... He holds John close and gently rubs Johns sexy Jumbonet Pantyhose he often wore under his work pants. Frank thinks about how lucky he was that John wore them today, for this special moment... Frank closes his eyes....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mamvq7LWqRU

>The end of an era, the end of Dank Memes Inc.

>Plays porn full blast in cubical with headphones half plugged in

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Oddly enough, sinks.

Screencapped. Will fuck around with editing it later. Thanks all for a good thread

"Frank" reporting in, had a great time all. Also got more dubs in this thread than I have in like a month.

Thanks all who played, this was a some great bread.

The Meme Gods were truly with us my /b/ro's.

>>743634282
Looking forward to the outcome.
~ Frank

start a kik group so we can get the screen caps

So guys, how do i install Adobe?

>Shits in the water cooler

>Working in an office

keke fucking why? I'd rather bang your mother than work in a cubicle cuckscape. Oh wait, already did that!

Nate reporting in. This was majestic as fuck, glad to be apart of it

It's over? Oh, thank God. Nobody noticed I was using the company internet to torrent illegally.

Starting a thread and posting caps.
>>743637242
~ Frank

>>743637292
Thanks Frank, It truly was a good ride
-Nate

>>743633425
> assumes new identity and job