I've just shit myself, and I think it's diarrhea.

>>742877571
take a shower before it dries

Where are you?

>>742877671
I can't, I'm too afraid to get up.

>>742877725
I'm currently sitting at a table at Starbucks.

>>742877820
cover your face and run

>shit yourself
>at Starbucks
Oh god anon I'm so sorry.

>>742877820
Get out of there quick before people notices the smell is coming from you

What a shitty situation to be in

>>742877910
>>742878000
I can really feel it in my underwear now.

Sure, I might be able to run out of the Starbucks, but what about the rest of the trip home? I have to wait at a train station and take the train, then I've got to catch the bus then walk home.

Oh god, I'm so fucked.

Spill your coffee on your pants and say its just some coffee :) no worries

>>742878096
topkek

>>742878114
Go to toilet and do your best

>>742877571
>What do I do?
>first inclination is to post on social media.
This is why millennials are fucked.

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>>742878114

>>742878230
>social media
try again faggot

>>742878230
im 43

Go to toilet, hang yourself with tp

>>742878230
Well what else am I going to do? Ask the girl sitting at the table next to me for advice on what to do because I've just shit myself?

Obviously not. I come here because it's anonymous and easy to post, and if I'm looking down at a laptop screen I can hide my nervousness.

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>>742878114
Thanks for brightening up my shitty day OP, pure gold.

>>742878114
I would say fuck the train take an uber or call a taxi if you can, it would be faster

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Pro tip, ask for a cold beverage, then do as if you dropped it mostly on your pants and all so it merges with the liquid shit, and then get out as if nothing happened

>>742877571 Run to the toilet, if you're luckyit won't leave your boxers, you might be able to clean up to an extent there eg empty as much shit as you can into the toilet and wipe off as much as possible. Then go to the nearest shop and get some clean clothes and buy them fast before anyone notices any stains. What colour of trousers have you got?

Sprint to the toilet, clean up, put soap in your underwear and call an uber OP.

>>742878494
No! that'll just water it down, it'll mix with the water and brown will drip everywhere

>>742877571
Get up. If shit runs down your leg or spills out, scream at the top of your lungs " SOMEBODY PUT SHIT IN MY PANTS!" then run out of there as fast as you can.

>>742878574
this

>>742878416
Taking a taxi or uber will cost me way too much money, and money that I don't even have, as the train ride is already ~40 minutes, not to mention the bus ride of ~20 minutes.

>>742878502
To everyone saying run to the toilet, this starbucks doesn't have one. It only has the counter at the back of the store, and 4 tables near the entrance. Stupid me decided to take the one nearest to the back of the store.

I'm wearing red chinos.

>>742878628
Do you know of any toilets nearby? like nearby shops or whatever?
Shoulda worn your brown trousers mate

>>742878416
>First day driving for uber
>First pick up of the day
>Observe guy waddling towards your car from Starbucks
>Opens the door and sits down with an audible squelch
>5 mins into the drive overwhelming smell of liquid man shit fills your car
>thisismylifenow.jpg

>>742878580
Not like watery beverage more like a smoothie or some shit, sorry i don't know the products that hey sell for i have never stepped in a starbucks

>>742878722
There's a McDonalds a block down, but I don't think I'd even be able to walk properly to it. I bet there's probably a shit stain on my chinos right now anyway, ugh fuck.

>>742878819
God's speed, OP.

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Why did you shit yourself at Starbucks?
Like, how can one simply shit themselves in public?

Relevant captcha.

>>742878819
Do you have like a jacket you could tie round your waist that would cover it? even if you have to waddle you can't sit there forever and toilet is your best bet to try clean up a bit

>>742878927
Well, my town doesn't have a Starbucks so I'd have to go down to the city. And I wanted to visit H&M anyway so I thought I'd go to the city and get some Starbucks while working on a school essay.

I thought that it would just be a fart and decided to let it out, but I didn't expect what I got instead.

>>742878952
No, all I have is a white t-shirt.

>>742878819
>spill the rest of your drink on yourself
>ask the staff to use their toilet to clean yourself up
>????
>profit

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>>742877571
Getcha some of these

Top Kek op, danger trump in Starbucks, strikes Brown gold, has no option but to glide across the cafe with shit flicking from his ankles, this has to be posted op, pictures with time stamp

>>742877571
call a friend and have them bring you some pants. you will owe a lot of beer for this large favor, but it can save you

>>742878494
Chocolate smoothie, fagbux worker reporting in.
Or mocha frapp.

>>742879103
Underrated/10

>>742879272
Please Op, for your /b/rothers.

>>742877571
Honestly, I work at a coffee stand and people have done this. Go to the bathroom, throw away your underwear, wipe out your pants the best you can and continue your day. We thow away shit'd pants on the monthly.

>>742879272
Anon I don't even know what this means.

>>742877571
2017-08-22, the day anon shit himself.
Never forget.

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>>742879601
>9601▶
>>>742877571 (OP)

Good luck though, cause that sucks!

>>742877571
if you change your diet to include more oats, this may be less frequent in the future. nonetheless, this is unfortunate.

>>742877571
>had this problem from a very young age
>doctors cannot explain it
>"severe bowel incontinence"
>akwardsmile.jpeg

>>742877820
>>742877910
>Breaking News: Masked man arrested today near Starbucks
>image of OP and his pants full of shit

>>742877571
>stand up
>push as hard as you can
>just let it all go, you shit, your shame, your self respect
>let out a full-blown howl as you do it, intimidates the weak
>calmly walk off while staring everyone in the eyes
>go home as if nothing happened

also, if you shit yourself all the way the pants will become brown and nobody will be able to tell.

>>742878582
Kek

>>742880188
What about the smell? He's obviously gonna smell like shit.

>>742877571
better get used to that seat and that smell because this is life now.

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>>742880188
>>calmly walk off while staring everyone in the eyes
>staring everyone in the eyes

If you have to, tell everyone around you there is a bomb attached to your chest and if you get up it will go off.

They will all leave the building and you will be able to wait it out until it dries (around your ass).

Act confused when they talk about what you said.

>>742879484
Here's your answer OP buy two or three to make it more credible that you were clumsy and spilled it over yourself

>>742880779
as soon as you enter the train make a disgusted face and slowly back away from the closest person, just not too far that the smell will be linked to you.
now they're the ones who shat themselves. repeat this process when they leave until only you are left or you get home.

>>742881094
>not being a chad
see this is why you can't handle situations like these

>>742877571
smear yourself with the shit. if you're black they can't say you stink because it's racism.

Fuck my life, I'm still sitting here in the store and haven't moved. At least the girl next to me has left. I can start to smell the shit now...

>>742882019
Ugh, I know this is going to derail the thread horribly, but I'm genuinely Indian. Does that mean they can still be racist to me if I smell like shit?

>>742878747
Fuck haha

>>742877571
just move your butt side to side against the seat until it smears all over the inside of your underwear

quickly stand up without fear of dripping anymore and run home/vehicle

>>742877571
how do you shit yourself? how is it possible?
is it like.. you're not paying attention and then suddenly fuck shit myself again? sometimes when i have alot of poop i find that my body will poop for me. are you on drugs?

>>742882149
Jesus Dude.

I dont know what to say. You've gotta move. Get up.go to the server counter, grab a ton of napkins and walk out. (and never go back to this starbucks)

>>742882256
sometimes people fart and a shit comes out on accident dude

Force yourself to vomit and faint, so that someone will call an ambulance. Then the shit in your pants becomes a bit more understandable. Also, you can sue the starbucks for giving you a poisoned coffee so you can buy a new pair of chinos

>>742882256
Yeah like the other guy just said, I thought it was a fart and decided to let it out. Turns out it wasn't a fart. I didn't even feel like I had shit in my bowels, but it happened.

>>742878582
underrated

>>742882374
is there a lake near you? a fountain?

>>742882374
if you have napkins try to clean some of the shit out of your pants

>>742880188
Holy fucking shit i am rofling

>>742882651
I'm in the center of the city, I don't think so.

>>742882671
I don't think napkins will be enough.

>>742882149
next time:
put the poo in the loo

You need to create a distraction anon, call someone you really trust and tell him to go there and make a scene, maybe complain about some made up shit, and when people get their attention caught on him/her you run, also ask her/him to bring clothes, then you repay him/her with sex

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Op, your shit must be getting fuckin crusty by now.

>>742882748
dude just go to the mcdonalds by you and wash up i see bums showering all the time at the mcdonalds i go to

drain the shit from your pants into the seat when no ones looking, get up and get the fuck out of there

>>742882149
>I'm genuinely Indian
POO IN LOO RAJESH

Is it hot where you at? If so take off your shirt and bind it around your waist. Problem solved

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>>742882931
I'm not anywhere near confident enough to do that, since I'm fat.

And it's not hot enough to take off my only shirt.

Put you hands in your pockets and twist your wrists so that you' got a seal. Then make a quick, yet casual stroll to the nearest bathroom.
Go!
Go now.
Act nonchalant

Suck it back up into your anus you gay pansy

>>742883014
could you stand is you clenched your ass really tight so no shit runs down your leg?

>>742883073
It's already in the underwear. I can literally feel it spread across my ass cheeks.

>>742883073
or is it just liquid, in that case your boned

>>742883223
damn

>>742883223
>>742883025
try this OP

>>742883014
OP, your probably starting to fucking reak, and the more you sit there on this thread, the less i believe you. Post a timestamp.

>>742883223
RIP op

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Is this some fetish shit??? OP I hope someone beats your ass for this

I've been there before OP, I did it in my work office.

Tell the staff you have IBS or similar bowel problems, they'll let you use staff toilets.

Important to make them come to you don't go waddling up there. If you have a jacket tie it around your waiste.

Get to toilet and wipe your ass with the crotch of your boxers and dump them in the bin - they're no help to you anymore.

Full clean with toilet paper afterwards.

If you didnt clench your buttocks on first squirt and nightsoil has breached the boxers use warm soapy water on your chinos and dry inside out under hand dryer.

Get home (whilst enjoying the freedom of going commando)

Pants straight in the wash. Shower.

op do a livestream from your phone of your predicament
you would become an god

>>742883552
this

I hope a white nationalist gang beats more shit out of you

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>>742883635
This might unite the right and the left

>>742877571
>I've just shit myself, and I think it's diarrhea.

pics or it never happened

where are you OP

>>742883506
Fuck no

>>742883818
Starbucks in the middle of London

>>742883547
Fuck my life, I think I'll have to go with this then.

>>742883916
gl and god speed

>>742877571
by fresh clothes change a in a bathroom asap

Take a shower and clean up good and spray something good on your clothes so you will smell good

>>742877571


>>742877571

>>742883014
Londonfags, this is your chance to write history. Go out of your basement, go to the nearest Starbucks, find him and take a picture!

are there any live cams of starbucks in london, maybe we can see OP

Go Find Him!

Find OP, take pics

>>742877571
Get in public toilets, wash your clothes with water. Better wet clothes than shit-stained ones. Plus the smell.

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>>742884415
>I think their products are made from nothing.

optimtime.optimumlog.com

OP upload pics or it didnt happen

If this was in Manchester I'd actually go help a /b/rother out with fresh trousers. As it's London - southern fairy can fuck off and shit there in his own festering shit.

Enjoy the nappy rash and weeping sores faggot.

>>742884528
not this faggot

I doubt this is real, quite frankly.

>>742884637

No I very much doubt it, but it's been a good thread and genuinely funny replies. Better than the usual "pics you shouldn't share" and trump threads. At least op was original in his trolling.

>>742882149
>i'm genuinely indian
>in a star bucks
>shat himself
this cannot be real, it's too fucking good.

but seriously you're an indian it's normal for you to smell, people won't even glance at you so long as you activate your accent.

>>742877820
>currently shitting at a table in starbucks
amirite kek

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>>742877571

ooooooor call buddy to call from a throw away phone. Bomb threat = escape

>>742884766
Ill give you that one, anon.
Wouldve really liked to see a vid of an indian storming through a starbucks with shit leaking through his pants. Maybe even a few solid balls pop out.

>>742885625
Fucking hot I wish he would poop in my mouth

>>742877571
Unless your pants are plastic or something, the diarrhea is on the seat already.

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Someone's screep cap'n this ??
Include me pls

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>be me
>sitting on toilet browsing 4chan
>anon shit themselves at starbucks
kek.jpg
>finished shitting
>get up to flush porcelain throne
>all is well so far
>w8
>oshit
>toilet still flushing after 10 seconds
ohgodplsno.gif
>look in toilet
>see this
>water still rising

wat do /b/?

>>742877571
Quick, are you alone?

>>742886997
drink it

>>742885584
underrated

>>742877571
Run in the bathroom, take your underwear off and "clean" yourself asap, throw out the underwear and peace the fuck outie there

>>742886655
Check'em

>>742886997
give up

>>742886356
>>742886655
this might work OP. you could even blame the pant-shitting on being scared for your life and people will offer you help instead of being disgusted.

This whole thread is bullshit. Op is troll.

Source: I work for sbux corporate

All Starbucks must be built to accommodate lavatory facilities.

The ONLY exception is if the store is built in an area wih with a common facility (ie a grocery store with it's own washroom, hotel, airport, etc)

So if there is no washroom in The sbux OP is at, there IS one within 100 feet.

I'm guessing OP made a run for it. God speed OP, may you draw mud with the angels.

>>742886997
Pour in some gasoline and light it to lower the water level.

>>742888195
>there IS one within 100 feet.
doesn't help much when he's glued to his seat by crusty shit, now does it?

>>742888380
>just napalm your fucking bathroom bro, no prob

>>742882149
show mi bob pics

>>742888195
I'd rather believe an Indian who shit himself in a coffee shop rather than someone who claims to work for the corporate side of fucking Starbucks.

>>742888532
I don't see the issue. You've got a sink and a shower to help you keep the fire under control.

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>>742888790
>water and gasoline-based fire
>using more water to stop it
yeah nothing can possibly go wrong here.

>>742877571
Go to the rest room and eat the shit

>>742888899
Sounds like you just need more water. Maybe throw in some sand too, if you want.

every second i read about op's situation the more sympathy i gain for him. RIP op...

>>742886997
Clean that disgusting shit you cellar dwelling faggot

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How can they even compete?

>>742877571
Nothing else to do
Stay there for the rest of your life

Update OP?

>>742877571

Shit even more with a manical laugh, ha ha, meant to do it.

I started working at this factory, most were like 35 years older than me and had been working there for years. One day there is like a circle of about 7 of them, telling what they did on the weekend, then one of them rips one, oh good one charlie, next one, good one sam, get around to this one clown, the last guy lifts his leg in obligation and pffggttttt..... uh guys ... I gotta hit the head, laughter ensues.. Yeah, you'd better go wipe..

>>742877571
Spill a coffee all over yourself then ask to use the staff bathroom to clean yourself up

>>742889827
we come to you today with shocking news, an indian man died today at a local subway while browsing an online image board on his phone. he was with excrement in his pants, which authorities linked to a stray fart.
the cause of death was determined to be a mixture of an infection caused by prolonged exposure to the waste in his pants, and deep shame.

Has the problem been solved yet?

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Alright guys, OP here. I'm surprised that the thread is still up to be honest.

Anyways, I mustered up the courage and waited until there were no customers to tell one of the employees that I'd have a bit of an... accident due to my IBS.

They let me use the staff toilets, and I got myself cleaned up as best I could. The underwear was a lost cause, I threw them away in the rubbish. My pants were surprisingly not stained, so thank fuck for that. But I almost threw up while cleaning myself up, the smell was god awful.

Anyways, thank you all for the suggestions. I'm at home now after an hour and a half or so of travelling home and being nervous about train/bus passengers smelling my shit.

>>742891764
nice save OP

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>>742877571
Hahahaha

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>>742877820
>I'm currently sitting at a table at Starbucks.

>>742878574
fucking lol'd
the uber drivers gonna give you a bad rating and charge you for all the shit stains in the car

>>742878582
I just blew snot out of my nose, at least nothing came out of my ass like OP

>>742892302
It makes me wonder, was anon alone there by his on will, maybe he was waiting for a date he got ditched and since he's so beta he shat out of being nervous, or his date left after he shat himself.

>>742888675
So you're saying if you got a job somewhere and moved up in the company, once you get your big promotion you will say "you know, I think I will stop going on 4chan now, it's not in my job description"

You sound like a real subhuman anon. That or a sad sorry self loathing dingus.

>>742891764
Thank god, I was so worried for you, OP.

>>742892606
Anon thought it was a fart. He was wrong.

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>>742891764
>I almost threw up while cleaning myself up, THE SMELL WAS GOD AFWUL
>Threw the underwear in the rubbish

You're a bad person, leaving your stinky shit soaked underwear on the staff restroom's bin for the employees to smell.

>>742878747
Kek

>>742877571
GO IN BATHROOM, CLEAN OFF POO FROM BUTT, THROW MESSY UNDIES IN TRASH, TAKE TRAIN/BUS HOME IN PEACE WITH DRY BOTTOM :)

>>742894805
They can just as easily take out the trash. It's what it's there for.
: ^)

>>742895608
Yeah but how long until they do, and now i am curious and want to smell those trousers

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>>742891764
Good shit OP

>>742895691
Well, get going. Starbucks isn't too far away.

>>742879045
OP first rule of bodily functions is NEVER TRUST A FART!

>>742895803
It is for me :(

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Just call mom

>>742884574
Reminds me of the Irish

You're from one village over so I hate your guts!

>>742895974
hey summerfag

>>742891764
wow im glad we got this closure. nice job, op. you are a successful pants shitter

>>742890186
Gross but that was well written

>>742894805
Where else would he put it? Leave it soaking in the sink?

>>742896496
Ask for a plastic bag, throw it away in any other dumpster or take it home and wash that shit out of that shit

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>>742877571
Is there an electrical outlet nearby? If so - see if you can reach it with a wire coathanger or some other thin, conductive object.

When they find your corpse they will just assume you shit yourself after dying of electrocution - sparing you the shame of having just been unable as an adult to control your own bowels.

At your funeral they will play Electric Boogaloo - becasue they know you would have wanted it that way, anon.

Let it become cold then ask the girl at the table next to you "hey want to see some cool shit?" And grab a handful of poo and throw it on her table. After she's done giggling ask for her number. Make sure to not mess up the pick-up line like i did; lost the love of my life that way.. "hey want to see something shit?" Didn't work out, possibly because i the shat splashed and hit her face a little