You are transported back in time to the Rome during caesars reign.

I'll show them my phone and give them all seizures by flashing the camera

telephone on me. i can show him that brutus betratyed him and translate and show him how to rule until his nautral death. I would live like a god and fuck many hot bitches. I would be fine.

>>742693375
I draw a 3 4 5 triangle and a 1 1 square root of 2 triangle, then show I know prime numbers. Then I'd draw some humans.

>>742693562

>Because that ancient Roman WiFi was tight.

Idiot

awe
glory to kaisar

Pack of cigarettes. I'd be fucked.

sell the phone for lots of hookers and slaves
maybe some money too

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>>742693375
>Google translate faggots
>it's got latin
>all is cool
>sell out Brutus
>become Caesar's right hand man
>Fuck a shit ton of latin bitches

>>742693734
Didnt think of that. I could save it and download translater though.

>>742693893
No you would be cool,
>give them to Caesar
>get him hooked
>Send expedition party to America
>Bring back tobacco seeds
>Get exclusive rights to farm
>Become richest man in Roman empire
>FuckCrassus.NEET

>>742693375
my logitech gaming headset, a pillow, and sitting here in boxers. They will be wowed by my gear.

>>742694272
Smarter man than i.

>>742694483
Then even better after selling out Brutus, overthrow Caesar yourself and become emperor and send expeditions to sand nigger land and enslave them to grow weed and opium for you and get the redskin niggers in america hooked on heroin and swap it for all of their gold.

>>742693375
English has 60% words of Latin and French (which is basically vulgarized Latin) origin. I think Romans would be able to understand something of what we're saying. We on the other hand will be definitely had some major understanding problems.

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>>742693375
fuck forgot the picture.

I look like a renaissance depiction of Venus and studied the Latin all of high school so I guess I'd be kind of okay

>>742694828
Would you actually understand it being spoken? High school education doesn't do shit for foreign languages.

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shitty s5 phone and a spit cup full of sunflower seed hulls...im pretty fucked

>>742694942
It would take me a little bit but yeah. I'm studying it now too and can carry a semi fluent conversation so I'd just sound dumb but I'd be ok

>impressive collection of dragon dildos

>>742693375
naked with a laptop
i'll definitely be executed for witchcraft

>>742694698
Fucking genius.

i only hold a keyboard. I m sure it'll impress the caesar.

in my underwear with a can of dip
horseshoe that shit and prepare to get merc'd

>>742694828
>I look like a renaissance depiction of Venus

Prove it.

>>742695368
All of that for a pack of fags, imagine the life, no longer you would be a NEET, and you could introduce modern day technology, and use modern day propaganda and manipulation techniques to never be overthrown.

>>742693375
I would have my phone and likely would be burned alive in the pig for witchcraft.

>>742696135
romans were civilized people.

>>742694828
No. You don't. Plus there is the fact that the Renaissance is a fucking long way in the future, so you would probably look average at best

>>742696834
already got it downloaded fag

>>742693375
huzzah, you caught me at the perfect time, just got in from target shooting. That said, poison was the order of the day out there, even if I managed to blast and shake that first guard I have no idea how to speak latin and I'm pretty prone to ear infections at least once a year..I'd die pretty quick. Maybe the best bet would be trying to express the desire to make more guns or exchange future knowledge but they'd need to keep me alive until we understood each other. I still see some scared senator sending a slave to murder me in my sleep though.

Honesty I think im gonna be okay to my rigjt is a bottle of shampoo. Romans were very clean people right? I think they will spare me

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>>742693375
i would be fine.
>black
>speak 9 languages
>conceal carry
>holding a bag of groceries and beer right now

blacks were common in rome and throughout italy. many held office and were considered intellects. I would be fine except for the food and wine then was shit

>>742697547
fucking nigger you would be in a cage with a tiger.

>>742697547
>nigger
>has a gun and beer
Why am I not surprised

>>742697547
>a few blacks were considered important therefore I will
Nice logic

>>742693375
In a bath on my laptop.

So I'd be naked and soaking but I have some sweet things on here. I'd just say I know how to make more of them and take Rome to the next level. Those Latin classes would finally pay off to.

>>742693375
>>742693712
this, then after showing of my math skills gain some truth that i am not some peasant.
i will use my broken latin during the audience to explain to him that he should kill all the members of the judea tribe.
after which im gone drop some redpills on him regarding genetics and most of all genetic selection

>>742697985
well, the magical black guy wearing weird garb and killing people with his magical handheld penis would probably be considered a curiosity at least.

>>742693375
>Phone translator
>"hey there's this thing called the carribean, theres a ton of gold there and the people don't even know how to use it, make a couple boats and sail west"

>>742693734
I honestly didn't think about while reading this, true. You could still warn him though

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>>742697547
>blacks were common in rome and throughout italy.
As slaves, many of which castrated.
>many held office and were considered intellects.
mkay, gone need some sauce on the whole "they were considered intellects"

I

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>>742697709
lrn2history boy

>>742697774
>legal gun
>legal beer
>legal weed
problem boy?

>>742697985
it wouldnt be hard if you think about it. well maybe for you boy it would since youd have to go outside and all....

>>742698462
>boy
Cheeky monkey. That is what i'm supposed to call YOU.

Anyway, what 9 languages are these?

My Wax pen to get Caesar stoned as fuck
A Lighter and Cigarettes
Phone with music on it
Wallet with currency he's never seen before.

We might be considered gods or aliens. Till we hang

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>>742698405
look it up. rome was inhabited with a lot of blacks that were not slaves. one was even a mayor or the equivalent of one at that time. i dont have to prove shit to you i already know it.

youre the dumbass.

>>742694776
If we would be able to learn by listening over time I think. English is latin based after all.

>>742694776
It is mostly Latin and German.

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>>742693375
I would be the court magician or chemist in ten minutes. One of the most respected men of the century. I part Charcoal, 1 part Salt Peter, 1 part Sulfur. Later Nitro-Glycerin.

>>742698762
i never disputed that you dumb ass, l2read. see this is why i dont believe that they were considered intellectual a s you pick out the one point to chimpout about that i did not mentioned.

>>742693375

I would share my convieniently unopened Monster Energy drink with him or at least show him how the futuristic aluminum soda can worked, give him my phone and let him scroll around this thread, then I would attempt to scratch out a crude stick figure drawing and a Roman numeral timeline with the numbers representing the centuries between us.

If he didn't crucify me I'd learn what I needed to learn to get along in their society and make my career stumping against the use of lead as a construction material in an attempt to save the Roman empire. Apparently they knew it was toxic, but I doubt they had someone like me around force feeding it to elephants to show them Edison-style how much it was fucking them up.

>>742698762
niggers were nothing. your fucing niggerlover.

Proceed to draw from memory a map of the world starting with Italy. Once they are shown all the other worlds to conquer and a basic idea of the inhabitants of these lands, they will seek to expand. Roman empire will endure for another 2 millenniums and Rome will be even more glorious.

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>>742693375
Wow. Some crazy looking ginger in skinny jeanshorts and a black tee with an iphone 7 gets to see Julius Caesar. Neat. Even though I doubt I'd be paraded before the most Julius. It could be that my phone might get me an audience.

So, Basically I'd show off my phone to save my skin. Then I'd get to trying to sell myself as a great inventor & I'd start by reinventing shit. I'd start small & easy like paperclips & stuff. I'd be remembered in history as that era's Archimedes. I'd speed up the world's progress by centuries pushing off an early industrial revolution. Imagine a Roman Empire powered by the internal combustion engine... I'd work toward a unified government in Rome that supported & represented the basic will & wellbeing of the people - trying to emphasize peaceful coexistence of cultures & religions. I'd warn against adopting foreign religions, hopefully avoiding the invasion of middle eastern religions like Judaism & it's worse offshoots Christianity & later ever worse offshoots Islam. If, of course, I survived the initial meet up with the guards.

>Phone
>Wallet
>Work radio
>Work phone
>Flask, half full of gin
>30lb can of R410a
>Manifold Gauges
>Tool belt
> -Channel Locks
> -Multi-bit screw driver
> -Adjustable Wrench
> -Camel hair brush
> -Vice Grips
> -Wire strippers
> -Dykes
> -Knife
> -Multimeter

I don't have a fucking a clue, try to baffle them with my bullshit ti the point of sparing my life, maybe give someone frostbite.

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>>742699628
Depends on WHICH Cesar odds are Christianity would have already been present and Judaism predates Rome.

>>742698405
>59
>59
>59
There are parakeets tested higher than that. People with severe brain trauma can top 70. Are you telling me an entire country has incredibly severe brain trauma and are bordering on being a vegetable?

Get your pseudoscientific cuck shit out of our faces.

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>>742699966
gone need some sauce on the parakeets.
vegetables but still able to have a function body is set at 40 not at 70.

it is not a pseudoscience

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>>742699966
If he doesn't I will Lead poisoning is a bitch and you should read just how batshit crazy and stupid the likes of Caligula were Op did not specify which Cesar.

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>>742699930
judeism wasnt big until after the fall of rome as they (jew merchants) took over the Mediterranean trade.
after pretty much causing the fall of rome

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>>742695756

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>>742700378
Nonsense - Sono un italiano americano..

>>742699727
AC engineer? What products you work on?

>>742693375
Show them my phone and make them believe am some kinda wizard

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>>742699930
He didn't say Julius, but I think that's who he meant, but yeah, I'd still try & stave off the religious infestation. Who knows tho, maybe that'd be even worse for western development. I'd also make contact with China & develop trade & some idea exchanges if I got to the point where I was a respected intellectual I could probably unite the East & West in a hopefully peaceful allience, but who knows any change in history is a re-roll of events especially considering the introduction of future technologies.
True it does

>>742693375
Phone + No WiFi = FUCKED.

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>>742700229
This
>>742700167
I own them and I'm not one for anecdotal evidence, so I'll pass. Crows, chimpanzees, and octopi can all manipulate, read facial expressions, plan escapes, open containers, and count. Koko the gorilla could lie in sogn language, and you're telling me an entire country of people are incapable of basic understanding of the world around them.

Check your sources. Not much better than my word of mouth, but at least I'm telling the truth. Their control groups could be garbage.

>>742700460

Disqualified

Venus did not have lots of zits on her head. Also we are to have to do a nipple comparison.

>>742700460
What about the Renaissance depiction of Venus' body?

>>742700970
I'm 99% sure those are freckles dude

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>>742700460
Nice. You could be my Hypatia

=*

We'd make a good team.

>>742699162
I mean European languages are based on Latin, the large ones anyway. What would the Romans think if you spoke a Germanic language?

>>742700970
>>742701106
They are indeed freckles

>>742701337
I'm in, I'll go get the time machine

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>>742693375
Wouldn't even make it past the guard. I'd just show them this bad boy. After he stopped worshiping my awesomeness, I'd give him the extra one I keep in my back pocket in exchange for my freedom.

>>742701106

Freckles are just spots where zits formed at one point. Also I dont see zits or FRECKLES on the painting.

Still Disqualified

Also nipple check.

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>>742701338
You could just say you were from High Brazil & then later inform them of Two unknown continents outside the pillars of Hercules.

>white, daywalker drops into rome magically
>a phone full of porn and nothing else
>a tin of chew
>a 750 of rum
>exactly one can of monster
>and a .45

They'd probably be freaked out by my ink, but impressed by my fagginess. If they doubt me, I've got 19 rounds to convince them I am some demi-fiend. I'll get hella imperial dick and all the cute clothes I could want. I'll just be some magic trap priestess, or be castrated and fucked until they throw me in a pit to fight jews or something. Either way, it'd be interesting.

>>742701684
Girl that is not how freckles are formed

>>742697389
Perfect

>>742701338
Still considered a barbarian.

>A wild, bald and bearded german of almost 2 meters in jetblack clothes with a headset,
>a logitech mouse and a cola bottle stands before the almighty emperor.
"Ave, Caesar! Barbarus hic ergo sum, quia non intellegor ulli."
>sooooooo fucked.

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>>742701662
>just show them this bad boy
Lol - fidget spinner saves the day! Those ball bearings are actually an amazing bit of tech, /b/ro.

>>742702041
>Ave, Caesar! Barbarus hic ergo sum, quia non intellegor ulli.

Terrible syntax but eh.

Id have a .45 acp handgun, a bong, a bag of weed, my cell phone, my wallet, pack of smokes, and a weed grinder. I feel like i could just use the gun to gain power, at least til i run out of bullets

>>742701809
are you a cute trap already?

(dependent on if the romans have firm control of syria yet and not christianised yet) your best bet would be to seek out the Cult of Elagabal, who's most significant priest in Rome was a trap

>>742693375
right now... well i'm fucked, 4 or 5 days of E if im lucky in my patches, not got anything on me other than basic clothes

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>>742702442
I doubt you could rely on any latin you've learned. Pronunciation would most likely be crazy different. Just dazzle them with your stuff & learn the language as fast as possible.

>>742702442
I love that I'm not the only one that thought that

>>742693375
Wearing nothing but undies, technical T-shirt and technical shorts. Not even socks.

I think it would be fairly obvious to the learned of that time that I would not be from their time.

Given enough time, I'm certain I could establish some kind of communication route via hand signals and drawings to the more learned philosophists and whatnot they had back then.

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>>742702504

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>>742702504

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>>742702680
Meh Castellano understand Esperanza and Chicano. Latins would comprehend Italian.I am not worried as much about the language barrier.

I would impress them regardless. >>742699262

>>742703038
oi! watch who you're calling homo fag, im a tranny not a gayboy

>>742693375

Considering that everyone was smarter in that time period then people today are I am sure they will learn English in a few months.

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>>742702871
>>742703038
Get with the program dudes. Trans folks are part of real life & always have been. Bet you'd both be shocked at the prevalence & acceptance of LGBT peeps when you're transported back to that era. Get woke, bitches.

A dragon dildo

>>742693375
Create gun powder for them easy and simple would only take me a few hours or so.

>>742703280
No not everyone, it only seems that way because most of the records we have of that era are from wealthy intellectuals

>>742703368
dependent on excatly when they arive, they might end up dragged before the Trans Emperor, that ought to go down... well for them

>>742700460
Post more

>>742702504
Now I have a mission. Danke friendo. Cult of Igloobad. For traps.

>>742693375
Welp. Im wearing pajamas with ninja turtles on them and i dont think theyre culturally primed to see them as turtles so theyll probably assume its demons or some shit so pretty fucked.

But i read an article a long ass time ago about how to make first contact with intelligent aliens. Id give that a college try.

Id scribe a right angle triangle and write in roman numerals or tallies "3, 4, 5" on all sides.

Theyll definitely recognize what it is and hopefully take it as a sign im educated. Itll give me some value and bargaining as they try to torture what the fuck else i know out of me.

Maybe ill become a seer. I dont know.

>>742693375
I would over throw the prick within a matter of days they would view me as a god 6'8 275 blonde hair blue eyes huge cock

>>742693712
>>742704473

Fuck... Beat me to it.

>>742703809

Nope science agrees, we as a species are getting stupider over time. Look it up. You probably wont.

>>742704493
>Narcissus/10

>>742693375
i am wrapped in a towel, i think il be good

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>>742704199
>>742700460

>>742704580
We arent getting stupider over time ya mook, education and the internet is amazing now and it develops our brains in our early years in amazing ways.

100 years ago it was believed sperm was little vehicles like cars and tiny people were in them, and 150 years ago scientists against vaccination said youd turn into a cow if you had it done, and the people thought it was totally legit.


We are 1000 times smarter now than then. As such our bar for stupidity has gone up. Take what you consider stupid now, i bet "vaccines turn you into a cow" registers far below that somewhere in the total retard area. That used to be common knowledge, guy.

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>>742693375

I knew that taking Latin alongside philosophy would pay off one day.

Gloria ad Carsarem

>>742693375
I would just say I'm Mars how would they know I'm not?

>>742704926
Intelligence means mental acuity, not accumulated knowledge

Humanity is currently in a dip in average intelligence as the stupid are spawning more offspring than the smart without the traditional high child mortality to cull their numbers, so the mean is dropping

>>742704493
They would make you fight in the gladiator pits if you were that big and you would be killed in your first match

>>742704926

Education is not Intelligence.

I never said anything about education.

Our knowledge may have increased but that is like saying we have a stockpile of grain so that proves that the broken mill is not broken even though it is.

>>742705166
And your brain develops in your child hood and exposure to the resources we have now develop it better. Its called the flynn effect, where people who scored 100 (average iq) tests a century ago would now register as mentally retarded, because as our education gets better and our world gets faster, we develop better so iq tests need to be redesigned and made more challenging so the "average person" keeps scoring 100 points.

Also im not talking about "vaccines dont turn people into cows" as a knowledge point. I mean it as a "thats obviously silly" point. You couldnt throw that baseball past the slowest pitcher these days, because its incredibly stupid and ridiculous and we have the mental accruity to figure that out.

>>742695290
enjoy your ball cancer

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>>742693375
well i'm on my bed rags with bare foots.
i'll probably blend pretty well there.
after getting there I would find a public bathroom, poo in the loo, contract gonorhea, drink a tasty lead tap watter, get very fucking insane and start yelling non-stop about being from the future.

>>742705481

What you are talking about is the affect of Meta-genetics. Better nutrition does not mean better genetics. It just means that the genetics that are there are allowed to reach their maximum potential. You have not disproved what was presented.

>>742704888
Yes..... Keep going....

>>742706280
>genetic potential

Well thats something I do know about.

Then I see what was originally meant. I interpreted it as getting measureably dumber, instead of some genetic degredation i dont currently know about and would be open to learning of.

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>>742700460
either you post yourself like her or i'll just assume you're a fat lady with daddy problems
>>742701337
wow a rare version of autism

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>>742706736

>>742707173
MOAOR!

>>742693375
I have a mag in my shoulder holster I'll wait for the guards to bring me to him and blow his brains out.

>>742693375
>Jocus est in te, didici linguam latinam in scolae tertiae
Jokes on you, I took Latin in high school.

>>742706277
This

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>>742707157
You're just jealous of my new time travelling girlfriend.

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>>742707405
I like how people think that being transported in time to Rome would mean you have to go on a very short killing spree & then get stabbed to death by someone. Lol

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>>742707173
>>742700460
Ha. I made this a while back. Forgot about it till just now.

>>742707809
Some scholars went through a shit tonne of roman works, especially satirical works and lesser known authours to look for clues in how latin is actually pronounced.

Some great sources were ones making fun of lesser educated dialects and slang because it gave hard accounts with phonetic spelling how shit was supposed to be said.

Anyway my point.. "Veni Vidi Vici" was prounced "wenny, weedy, weaky"

If you didnt know that, youre probably fucked anyway. If you did. Well fuck me go get em tiger.

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>>742708729
Yep. Any contemporary latin dialect would likely be barely decipherable to the people of that time. You're better off starting from scratch.

>>742708729
I'm sure a quick "No dico linguam latinam" will be good enough

>>742709387
I think so. You could write, too. Thatll work.

First, "savages" never got a court with Ceaser, you'd be lucky to meet the local Magistrage. Most of the time, the Roman guards would kill you immediately for being so unusual. Then your body is brought to a priest that follows the Greek Asclepius school and figure out who the fuck you are and what that iPhone is that has images and light on "magic glass."