Most Embarrasing moments thread, I'll start >be me age

>>741940511
You're not to blame man. Your parents were probably gonna divorce anyway.

Also bumping while I greentext my great moment of shame which I still haven't recovered from

This is why Sex ed is important.

>>741941308
be 13
> in bed at night fapping because what else am i gonna do
> go onto my new favourite thing, pillow fucking
> destroy it while pretending I'm doing my homeroom teacher
> my head is buried face down and my butt is going 100mph
> talking dirty, just random shit 'you take it you slut, I love your tits, I wanna bend you over your desk and fuck your hot juicy cunt '
> just loving the moment, feeling like a real stud practising for when the real thing happens
> hear a random bump noise but don't pay any attn, to busy working up a sweat pretending to fuck Miss Johnson
> 'ummmm..... anon????? anon what are you doing?'
> shit. Thats my mums voice.
> she is standing at the end of the bed.
> I lie completely still and say nothing wondering how long she's been there
> 'I just brought you a glass of water,' she sounds real shocked and disgusted
> 'are you OK?'
> I can't speak I won't speak pretend I'm asleep
> 'anon?'
> .....
> 'alright i'm going to go now'.
> I let out a weak feeble beta 'thanks mum'
> boner completely gone.
> worst shame ever
> can't look her in the face for the next 7-8 years

>>741940511
Wow man, you're a pretty big piece of shit, not going to lie.

>>741940511
>>741942639
TopKek! Moar!

My parents are pretty open about Sex Ed and I've never been in situations like the described before. I now realize that has been very helpful.

>>741940511
Things that never happened

>>741942639
>Mom enters at night to bring a glass of water.

Not going to lie anon. Your mom heard some noises and wanted some of your small D.

Oh man incest coming through
>be 5 or some shit
>anon being dumb tv
>sister tells me to get in bed
>whateverokay.jpg
>throws sheets over us
>tells me to get on top of her
>wtf okay
>rubbing our bellies
>tells me to kiss her
>okay
>making out
>wowWhatisThis.jpg
>sheets go to the moon
>mom
>starts beating me, telling me i am disgusting and a disgrace
>sister is free prisoner
>tells me im gross and thats wrong
>wtf i dont get it we were just rubbing bellies and kissing
>gets angry and shoe comes flying
>fall back
here i am now and i still cant forget that day, i havent been able to talk to my sister normally ever since then, once i realized what the concept of sex was
confronted her one time and denies it ever happened
hate myself cause my purity was stolen
also she's my half sister
same mom, but mom was raped and she popped out

>>741943875
KEK

File: Xr227az~01.jpg (174KB, 1066x799px) Image search: [Google]

174KB, 1066x799px

>>741943875

>>741940511
Honestly, your parents are the dumb ones anon.

They should understand, what the fuck.

Recurring themes happening ITT.
Some comic gold. Being a stupd kid / teen can be cringey

O

>>741940511
>>get beaten by father for being retarded
>>cry every night after i realize what I've done
>>This event drives a wedge in my parents marriage

omg what a shit pair of parents.

>>741943540
Fuck yeah. So hot

>>741940511
This thred seems to be just as much about child beating as embarresment

>>741940511
OP If I was your father, I would have been laughing my ass off.

>be 13
(why is everyone around the same age)
>my male cousin was here
>had fun and all
>played outside in the snow
>freezin cold
>my father said he will let us a hot bath in
>we both went up
>got naked and jumped both in the bath tube
>suddenly my cousin and I complained about our dick sizes
>he comes up with the idea to have sex and imagine the other is a girl
>eh sure whatever
>both getting later into bed
>giggling
>were totally embarrassed
>started sucking each other's dick
>then he said he wants to fuck
>get's behind me
>tries like 5 min to get his dick in
finally_it_got_in.gif
>was like wtf this feels strange
>suddenly he stopped
>what's wrong anon?
>i guess i heard your dad's room door opening (it was next to my room)
>he jumped over in his bed, and we pulled our blankets up
>like 5 min late my father walked in
>he was acting like he didn't hear anything but i guess he he heard everything

my cousin and i repeated it several times until we were 14. We have never talked about it again and hardly meet anymore

>>741942639
soo many keks

>be me, 6, first grade
>have the hots for this total babe 5th grader
>be a faggot
>I'll win her heart with these fake flowers i asked my mom to buy at the dollar store
>ask teacher to go to bathroom
>"sure anon, just be quick"
>take backpack with flowers and walk out, not knowing people were probably staring because I took my backpack with me to go to the bathroom
>walking down the hall thinking I'm the slickest motherfucker in town
>show up in her classroom and present her with flowers, extremely flustered
>people in the room audibly go "awww"
>she's so hot to me at this point that I'm basically retarded and don't know what to say and stand there staring for a few seconds until
>"Boobs"
>she drops the flowers and her face goes to null
>everyone else in the room either silent or giggling
>she starts sobbing and I run out

>later, school over and we're all walking out
>notice girl behind me looking very sullen
>I should probably apologize to her
>slow down a little so she catches up to me, ready to say sorry
>instead crane my neck back like a swan and lick the crook of her elbow like a dog
>whatthefuckiswrongwithyou.png
>she starts crying loud and runs away
>I don't even understand how retarded I am yet

>>741946010
Wat.

This truly did happen as I describe it. I wish I was lying. Unfortunately not. The only good thing is she has no idea who I am

> been sick last few days, first sign if hunger
> getting takeaway pizza hut
> got my order, walking to the door
> struggle opening it because hands are full
> cute chick walking thru parking lot
> gives me one of those looks, shes into me and im instantly feeling alpha
> I hold door open and give her a nod
> she puts her hands out and pretends to run to me with a big smile on her face, like a love scene from a movie
> and she's cute af, maybe if I play this right I can get her number
> suddenly my nose twitches, have urge to sneeze brewing
> shit why now? Its gonna be big. I'm gonna struggle to hold it in
> anon just hang on til she gets inside, stay cool man
> can't hold it, sneeze with the power of a thousand suns
> just at the moment shes standing in front of me
> my heads flies forward, smash my forehead against the door frame
> FUCK THAT HURT
> spray all sorts of saliva and juices over her from my nose and mouth
> I look at her. 5 seconds ago she thought I was god, now she's looking at me like I'm a total tard
> shes disgusted, wiping my spray off her face
> put my head down, cant maintain eye contact
> see a green glob on her top
> fuck off back to my car real quick
> buckle up, look in rear view mirror to inspect wound on my forehead
> shit its looking brutal already
> also have massive booger hanging from my nostril
> realize its right about now she's discovered my snot on her nice clean white shirt and is probably cursing me out

> how to go from hero to zero in mere seconds

re-roll

>be me, 7th grade,
>have intense crush on 8th grade girl, the prettiest, hottest, most popular girl in the entire school.
>never told anyone about it
>school requires everyone to be giant gays and participate in a play every year
>All of the school at practice
>Girl gets the lead role
>Be on the last day of practice
>I was told "Anon go hold the door open" or something like that.
>Giant crowd of every student comes through the door
>Girl goes through the door, but then stops, turns towards me
>She fucking caresses my arm.
>I stood there in awe, wide eyed, she's all smiling at me with that girlish smile.
>I didn't know what to do.
>Went full tard and ran.
>Later on realized I just killed my chance of dating the prettiest girl in school.
>EXTREMERAGE.gif

>>741946010
>>741946584
>>741946837
I like how this threads gone from random embarrassing sex shit to guys spilling their spaghetti in front of potential gfs.

wew

>>741946988
LEL

>>741945636
are you gay now ?

>>741946837
>>Also highkey the loser of the school at the time
>>No friends either
>>Whole school hated my guts

And I killed it. LEL

Most embarrassing and saddest moment in my life

>9th grade
>first month of school
>leaving the lunch room to go to class
>didn't have bookbag on
>was the faggot who made my bookbag straps super tight so I had to put my arm way out to put on bookbag
>puts one arm in
>reaches out my other arm to slide my bookbag on
>hang goes straight into my crushes cleavage
>pulls arm back
>freaks the fuck out and says sorry
>she runs out the cafeteria
>didn't see her at school ever again

>>741947168
also interested

>>741940511
Top 10 anime storylines

>>741947422
..........................................

File: ClintEastwoodWTF.jpg (5KB, 230x219px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 230x219px

>>741945636
>>he comes up with the idea to have sex and imagine the other is a girl
>>eh sure whatever

>EH SURE WHATEVER

>>741946584
My fucking sides

>>741946584
Top 10 Sad Keks

>10th grade
>tripping on acid
>decides to go to school prom that night
>has been talking to the hottest girl in my school for a few months
>sees her at prom
>makes bet with friend
>if I get his crush to talk to him he gets this girl to talk to me
>walks up awkwardly to girl
>"he thinks you're hot, wanna talk to him?"
>she goes and talks to him
>20 minutes later he brings miss goat
>didn't expect right now
>tripping hard
> her "hey how are you doing tonight"
>complete anxiety and fear goes through me
>stands there for 10 seconds
>"hey I gotta go it was nice talking to you" and I run the fuck away
>she wouldn't speak to me again after that night

>be me, 14
>on some school competition abroad with some other students
>engineering competition, lots of asians competing
>on our team is a total koreaboo, really annoying but kinda cute
>one day in to the competition
>me and koreaboo goes over to the korean stall because she wants to talk
>she makes friends, I just stand there like a beta cuck watching them
>the korean kids offer to write our name in korean
>it was pretty cool and I took the paper home with my name on it
>few hours later
>two korean kids come over to us
>ask us to write their names in our language (welsh)
>mfw you don't change names from english to Welsh
>ohfuckwhatdoido.jpeg
>they give us piece of paper
>I look at koreaboo, asking what to do
>she says under her breath, 'just welsh-ify it'
>okay then, look at korean kid's name
>Yungju
>I panic and literally just write the Welsh words for 'young' and 'jew'
>I give the paper to Korean kid, hoping no one will notice
>koreaboo looks at me, furiously
>snatches paper out of the korean kids hand, writes something else and storms off
>she tells the teacher
>I get in loads of trouble
>still haunts me to this day

File: 612d8b33e078da927a2c307398cb5d31a63388ac_full.jpg (9KB, 184x184px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 184x184px

>>741946584
ok silver child

File: 1455780899004.jpg (55KB, 480x720px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 480x720px

>>741946837
lying little cunt

File: 1459236534748.png (26KB, 299x160px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 299x160px

>>741947422

>>741948118
U jelly bruh?

File: 12525572_10153922882993794_7563306876652713113_o.jpg (293KB, 1440x1800px) Image search: [Google]

293KB, 1440x1800px

I rejected one of the hottest girls in high school when I was 16 because I have a small dick and was worried she'd tell everyone. I still have a small dick but didn't fuck that rocket.

>>741948118
>>741948173
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>741945060
Newfag found

File: 1454671827620.jpg (33KB, 400x366px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 400x366px

>>741948194
Jelly that you make up stuff on 4chan no not at all.

>>741948342
M8, everyone makes up shit on 4chan, lol this is /b/. Go to reddit for ACTUAL stories.

>>741948173
I wish I was lying.

>>741948391
>leddit

>>741948342
You're probably a lazy, fat, uneducated American redneck loser anyway.

>>741946010
Story of my shit attempts at getting pussy in middle school
Or should I say 6th grade. By 7th and 8th I learned to just not try and talk to girls (or anybody)

File: 1455353612694.jpg (12KB, 200x219px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 200x219px

>>741948481
Euro cuck lol

File: 6813534875.jpg (23KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 480x480px

>be nerdy awkward band kid in 8th grade
>band practice after school every day
>after band practice one day meet girl that comes out of orchestra practice
>somehow start a conversation about music we had a similar taste in or something
>start hanging out for a few days but I'm still extremely awkward around her and girls in general
>invites me to movies
>being an idiot i thought it was going to be a date or some shit
>oh this guy i know and these other people are coming
>show up and meet her in front of the movies waaaay before the movie starts
>don't know what to do so quietly follow her around as shes meeting her friends
>meets with a lot of her guy and girl friends in a large circle
>im outside the circle
>"anon why are you following me around and clinging to me so much, its weird" laughs at me
>think oh fuck and cringe at myself, say "oh im thirsty ill go buy a drink"
>get a drink and just hang out alone for a bit so I don't draw attention
>ill go meet back up right before the movie starts
>go to meet up everyone is gone
>doesn't respond to my texts
>wait behind the theater alone in the dark until the movie is about to end
>call parents to pick me up
>"hey son did you have a good time"
>"yeah..."
>next day after band practice shes somewhere else
>never talks to me again

>>741948595
Americunt retardican Christfag. Go eat some McDonalds fatass.

>>741947168
answer this

>>741948027
You're a fucking legend

>>741948602

ouch

Bump while I type my story.

>>741946584
f u c k i n g k e k

File: 1457688433071.png (487KB, 601x449px) Image search: [Google]

487KB, 601x449px

>>741948676
At least my woman arent getting fuck by dune coons.

Not really embarrassing, but it makes me feel embarrassed and makes me cringe when I think about it
>be me
>2005, 8 years old (20 now)
>parents watching Harold and Kumar downstairs
>past my bedtime, but thirsty
>walk into living room
>battle shits scene
>watching out of curiosity from behind the couch
>super turned on, but don't really know it
>scene ends
>run back upstairs
>hide under my blankets
>dick is rock hard from thinking about girls shitting
>start touching and rubbing cock
>cum
And that was the first time I jerked off. I still have a scat fetish. t-thanks, harold and kumar.

>>741948979
>thinking his women aren't being fucked by dunecoons
Kek, pay closer attention anon

I haven't had many embarrassing moments in my life since it has been pretty dull and I was in special ed for awhile. But I do have a funny story
>be 15, in boarding school
>class in finished for the day
>chilling in my room, roommate has been in the bathroom for awhile
>seems odd, been about 20 minutes now
>go tell buddy from across the hall that we should spook him or something when he gets out of the bathroom
>friend lays on bed immediately visible from the bathroom doorway in a girly pose to say he "wants" the guy or something
>I'm going to lob something at his head while he's distracted by my buddy
>joke that he's probably jacking off
>joke about what he's jacking it to
>guy gets out
>guy in bed is laying in some exaggerated pose and says something in a British accent about how he loves him
>I throw a ball right at his head
>he just stares at the ground
>his face is red and covered with tears
>realize he was crying, not masturbating
>says he went in the bathroom to be alone, had just gotten a phone call from a relative about another relative passing away
>we feel like total shitheads

>>741949074
>Trump

>>741948173
That doesn't sound impossible.

> 6th grade summer break
> at a birthday party
> all the kids at the party watching some horror movie (I think it was "It")
> my crush was there
> we were just friends, she was interested in another guy
> friendzoned.jpg
> looking for the remote control
> it's in her hands
> I ask her to give it to me
> she refuses
> I reach out for it, trying to take it away from her hand
> she pulls back in a playful manner
> my arm grabs her breast instead of the remote
> I feel both glad and really awkward for a brief moment
> she smiled or laughed
> haven't talked about that event since then (haven't seen her for years anyway)
> she has probably forgotten it (probably like on the next day, lol)

>>741948979
LOL what an Americunt retard.

>>741949108

i lol'd a lot idk why exactly

File: 1449135366327.jpg (18KB, 285x327px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 285x327px

>>741949211
>>741949074
>>741948676
>>741948481
>>741948194
>>741946837
samefag

>>741949211
its true tho

>>741949281
>>741949306
Samefag.

LOL kill yourself American.

File: Screenshot_2017-08-13-06-29-49.png (115KB, 480x800px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 480x800px

>>741949281
Not samefag, just mobilefag.

>>741949352
y don't u use clover faggog

File: 1464877779687.gif (232KB, 67x100px) Image search: [Google]

232KB, 67x100px

>>741949333
Nigga you just mad you dont have Trump to keep the dune coons out lmao

>>741948391
Found the newfag

>>741949447
Trump is a sexist racist fascist Nazi.

>>741949447
>Still thinking Trump is keeping dunecoons out
Nigger when was the last time you looked out your window holy shit

>>741948911
>5th grade
>have my first crush
>cute pale Mexican girl with glasses
>we were actually close friends
>used to spend everyday after school talking on MySpace or playing Pokémon Crater (popular Pokémon fan game at the time)
>basically best friends so she always told me who she liked
>always get jealous but never let it show
>eventually reveals to me over MySpace that she only told me she had fake crushes to see if I would get jealous
>reveals her feelings towards me
>tell her I also like her back
>I was an awkward little shit so the next day at school I told her that it wasn't me on MySpace that day and that it was one of my younger brothers playing a prank
>godimstupid.jpg
>months go by act like nothing happened
>end of the year dance
>both go
>she had her hair done, make up done, nice pretty dress and look so beautifully and for the first time in my life I was completely infatuated
>spend most of the dance talking to my best friend at the time

Continued. Also, my first greentext so give me pointers? Much appreciated

>>741949491
>racist sexist
Yes
>fascist Nazi
No, you're stupid

File: Screenshot_20170813-033454.png (287KB, 1080x2220px) Image search: [Google]

287KB, 1080x2220px

>>741949423
Clover and overchan (fork) are both good, i prefer overchan, can watch multiple chans

>>741949519
>Euro fag think we have dune coons
kek

>>741949491
I'm not the anon you're arguing with btw, but jesus that's some shitty b8

>>741949537
Continued.

>spend most of my time there with my best friend at the time and a few other friends
>they ditch me to give me a hard time because they knew she liked me but didn't know I liked her
>spend 1 on 1 time with her
>genuinely enjoying myself
>she asks if I wanna dance
>"uh, let me use the restroom first."
>call mom to pick me up
>hang out with crush for 10 min until mom gets home
>"darn maybe next time see you next year"
>whyamisostupid.png
>continue to talk like nothing happened on MySpace
>feelings still mutually strong, she's still unaware of my feelings for her
>eventually summer ends and we start 6th grade
>no classes together but we had the same lunch along with all our past friends
>friends constantly tease me for her liking me (we were still kinda young so we were immature shits about these types of things)
>get visibly annoyed only because I didn't want them to know I liked her back
>try to avoid her bc I'm awkward and stupid
>one day she messages me asking why I don't talk to her anymore
>give bs excuse
>"sure.."

Continued.

>>741949447
>>741949599
>>741949566
Samefag.

Kill yourself you ignorant inbred Americunt.

>12 years oldish
>at my aunts 30th birthday with my parents (Not blood related, been my parents friend for well over 20 years
>Hanging out in back room with the other kids while the adults have their boring adult party
>We're watching WWE VHS's my uncle gave us to keep us entertained.
>Naturally, the group of 7 or so kids start play wrestling
>I'm currently 25 and 6'6 - so i've always been a bigger dude, and naturally I was a pretty big 12 year old.
>Jump on bed while me and this 11 year old are fighting each other
>Get over excited and try to replicate move in the VHS we just watched
>twist the kids arm behind is back, twist it so high It lifts him up, then throw him straight to the ground off of the bed
>A loud snapping sound fills the room as we all go silent
>Kid is wailing in pain
>His parents come in and calls an ambulance
>Turns out I broke his arm, AND popped it out of the shoulder socket as well as fractured his ribs as he landed
>I start crying because I genuinely feel bad
>My aunt thinks I ruined her party
>The broken kids parents are actually pretty chill with me and console me
>My parents were basically like "Well, this is what happens when you lock a bunch of boys in a room with wrestling tapes'
>They're not wrong.
I really fucked that kid up though haha.

>>741949618
Continued part 2, continue harder.

>feel like an absolute jack ass
>hate myself
>try to be super friendly with her
>kinda confess, she confesses as well
>don't date yet because we're still too shy
>was really happy though
>go home and get hit with the worst possible news ever
>we're moving 60 miles away so I'm switching schools
>whyyyyyy
>word spreads throughout the school that I was moving
>spend as much time as I could with crush
>both sad but both didn't show it
>my last day
>I'm cleaning things out of my locker
>she helps and follows me from class to class as I collect signatures
>start joking around
>flirty shoving
>random teacher walking by sees us and accuses us of fighting
>we both get in trouble
>in office filling out incident report
>crush is crying from sadness because she's never been in trouble


Continued again. Sorry for all the continues, never really post on this site so I'm unaware of the character limit. On the bright side I'm typing all of these out and posting them one after another.

>>741949599
>Amerifag
We do have dunecoons
If you don't think so you are actually blind
Walk 10 feet down your street
This is not difficult to realize

File: 1449295866142.jpg (116KB, 557x557px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 557x557px

>>741949537

>>741949633
If you're gonna call somebody ignorant don't also call them inbred. Christ you're a walking oxymoron

>>741949672
Continued cubed.

>even though I knew I wouldn't get in trouble since it was my last day I was still scared shitless because I was a major pussy
>blame everything on my crush right in front of her
>principle knew I was moving out so they said I could leave
>leave like a bitch
>crush gets lectured and punished I assume
>school day ends
>look for crush but never find her
>sadly go home
>for some stupid reason I deleted said crush from MySpace
>no contact with her or anyone from that school for years
>finished high school
>she was my first crush and really special so not a day went by that I didn't think about her
>look her up on Facebook
>prettiest girl ever, got crazy good with make up, loves video games and anime (not an anime fan myself but hey w/e), biggest fucking tits ever, despite getting older she pretty much stayed the same
>stay on her page and wonder what could've been
>I'm now 3 years out of high school, in a relationship but her name still come into mine every once in a while.

>>741944143
Well, time to cut them out of your life and pretend they're dead. You'll be happier. And if you ever start thinking about your sister? Drink alchohol. Still thinking about her? Well you're not drinking enough alchohol anon

File: Screenshot_2017-08-13-06-37-39.png (125KB, 480x800px) Image search: [Google]

125KB, 480x800px

>>741949633
Still not samefag, still just mobilefag
I don't even like Trump, I think he's a fucking retard
But he's not a fucking Nazi
If you think he is then you are retarded

>>741949699
Gr8 b8 m8, I r8 8/8 I appreci8 the constant infl8ion of quality b8.

>>741949770
He's literally a Nazi. He's just like Hitler.....

Sry I can't do this XD m8 you fell for the b8.

>>741949742

wow that story was a fucking retarded waste of time. fuck you, dude

File: 1450958642981.jpg (15KB, 293x281px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 293x281px

>>741949778
Get out summer fag

File: Screenshot_2017-08-13-06-40-00.png (116KB, 480x800px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 480x800px

>>741949633
In fact I'm actually the one that >>741949599 is talking to here
You're double retarded

File: FB_IMG_1486775154617.jpg (26KB, 540x406px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 540x406px

>>741942639
Fucking thank you for bringing back great memories. I had a turtle pillow I used to go to town on. And then later I had a giant bass(fish) body pillow I went to town on. Good times good times.

File: LEL.png (803KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

803KB, 600x600px

>>741941498
No, this is why having a brain is important.

>>741949742
Don't worry anon. I didn't hate the story. I don't mind reading into other anon's lives because it gives me insight to the idea that other people are real human beings, and it's just so hard to wrap my head around that concept when I think about it. It's also interesting to see the choices of others. Best of luck to you anon, and have a nice life wherever you decide to go.

>>741947570
I haven't laughed so hard in days. Thank you, anon.

File: neutral.jpg (153KB, 990x1024px) Image search: [Google]

153KB, 990x1024px

>>741944256
Where do you think the dumb child came from? Of course his parents are dumb.

>>741944143
>sheets go to the moon
kek'eld

>>741949584
Miami is better. Also has a waif name so winwin

File: 1455283632323.png (172KB, 335x525px) Image search: [Google]

172KB, 335x525px

>>741949537
>>741949618
>>741949672
>>741949742
Quit making up shit this isnt a animie you fucking weeb.

>>741948195
How big is your dick?

>>741949618
>>741949537
samefag

>>741950284
I don't think you understand what's going on

>>741949987
>>741949742
samefag

File: 1464878139480.jpg (59KB, 720x480px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 720x480px

>>741950333
no stop

>>741948782
>>741947168
>>741947445
I am not the author, but I can say that I've had a similar experience (with a friend when younger) but I am not gay now.

>be me age 15
>been holding shit in all day at school
>ib4 go take a shit, bathrooms are gross af
>walking home with female
>decided fuck this, i gotta shit
>call mom
>"mom can you pick me up"
>Doesn't pick up
>fuck
>felt queasy
>fuck
>started walking faster
>fuck
>i paused, and felt liquid running down my jeans
>fuck
>have explosive diarrhea
>female looks at me
>"what are you doing anon?
>fuck
>ran home with shit dripping out of pants
>never spoke to female again
>never wore jeans again

File: 64217a01a8863660eebec2bc91ca19853c546d68bfdee75477f9a90d22c76ab3.jpg (46KB, 445x459px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 445x459px

>>741940511
>be me age 5
>like preschool
>so at my preschool there was this area where the teachers couldn't see you if you went there
>i have a female friend
>turns out female friend has been molested before (this will be relevant in a bit)
>we'll once when we where done with our "classwork"
>she would take me to the play secret area
>she told me we were going to play mommy and daddy
>agree
>do some house shit
>but it always ended in her saying put your hands down my pants and rub
>i don't think we ever got caught


fast forward
>figure out she did this because of molestation
>yes i still see her to this day but now a days she is a degenerate.

also that incident might be a reason why i want to fuck every girl i might or not

File: 1449021786408.jpg (3KB, 120x125px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 120x125px

>>741950569
Silverchild?

>>741950569
Who cares

File: niggerjew.png (8KB, 804x351px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 804x351px

>>741950370
What's with cunts on /b/ assuming literally anything genuine or positive is a samefag. I feel like you're the one fag who's been calling samefag on every handful of responses. Have a nice morning with whatever you're doing.

>>741949987
>>741950823
Samefaggot

File: 17934__MG_2902.jpg (132KB, 834x556px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 834x556px

>>741950823

>>741950077
You're welcome. It looked as if no one had noticed so I felt obliged to quote it.

>>741949873
> Pillows
Many kids first great love I reckon. And when I say love, I mean rape victim.

>>741950915
>>741950823
samefagget

>>741950454
Oh you poor bastard. That kinda thing you expect from a 5 year old. Feel sorry for the 15 year old you.

>>741950454
Top 10 Life-changing events

>>741947470
>>741947941
>>741951105
Samefag

>>741949873
Kek I had one of those giant fish pillows. Shit was ridiculous

>>741951346
Top 10 samefag callouts

>>741951346
Top 10 samefag detectives.

Actually 2 and 3 are mine.

long string of female relation problems stemming from my parents broken marriage at a really young age

>physically abused first one, grade 3
>so shamed out by my autism on second one that she had to move country, grade 5
it pretty much went downhill from there. it took me 20 years to have a "normal" relationship with a female that was an underage I abused and took advantage of through alcohol then in manipulated her into a psychologically abusive relationship for 3 years that was full of cheating
>im now so depressed im borderline non functioning and dont really care anymore

>6th grade
>Switch to new private school
>Know no one except my best friend sam
>turns out I'm the only black kid in the grade(half black)
> Rich white people are too nice
> Girls think I'm really cute
> End up being the most popular guy for two years
>8th grade comes
>parents move and switch to public school
>No one introduces themselves
>No one tries to be my friend
>Realize people aren't going to flock to me
>Can't remember social skills
>Get depressed
>start wearing hoodie and sleeping in class
>Share all my classes with my dream girl
>when not asleep my gaze slowly centers on her every time
>Never realize I'm staring until she looks at me
>feel like a total creep but can't stop
>she's always nice, but I feel too beta
>At some point kid asks if I like her
>Answer with yeah
>he immediately tells the whole class
>So embarrassed I want to die on outside
>on the inside I'm relieved she knows
>she is still nice to me as always
>last day of 8th grade comes around
>Many kids going to diff highschools
>Girls crying left and right saying goodbyes
>Dream girl comes up from behind and taps
>I turn and she gives me a hug
>aroused and confused
>she says "you're going to ___ high right?"
>"Uh yeah" I respond
>she then says "thank God, I hope we share some of the same classes"
>"Uh yeah me too"
>Still shellshocked my autism won't let me speak
>after about 2mins of non-conversation
>"We'll have a fun summer anon, I'll see you around"
>go home excited
>realize I should've asked for her number
>get depressed again

Sorry it wasn't really that bad but I needed to get it off my chest.

File: 12e.gif (1MB, 270x214px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 270x214px

>>741950569
what is English?
Baby don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me...
No more...

File: Laughing my KEK off.png (635KB, 600x753px) Image search: [Google]

635KB, 600x753px

>>741951387
>>741951563

File: 1502621522706.gif (2MB, 400x206px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 400x206px

>>741949352
>Not a single (You)
>"Hurr Durr not samefag"

>>741951644
Damn bro. Hope life gets better, being delt a shit hand is not fun at all. You aren't alone, I have gotten myself in to the same situation, for similar reasons.

File: k.gif (1MB, 500x270px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 500x270px

>>741951979
Glad I wasn't the only one who noticed that.

>>741951754
fuck you bigger thanks 4 wasting time

Mutually embarassing moment

>be me, 15 or 16
>Skipped last class bc drama sucks
>don't even do anything
>just tell ghost stories about the school
>at bus stop
>some girl is there
>lower grade than me but pretty cute
>think I know her from sports or music or something
>don't say anything bc I didn't remember her name
>she didn't seem like she wanted to talk anyway, headphones in
>minutes pass
>she keeps standing and sitting, moving spots on the bus seat
>I'm standing about a metre away bc bus chairs are nasty
>starts shuffling around in bag
>Puddle on ground
>her drink bottle must have leaked
>Think I'm slick and offer to help
>"hey do you need a plastic bag for your drink?"
>Make eye contact
>long pause
>her shorts are wet
>she pissed herself
>"please never tell anyone"
>runs away
>I mutter into the urine soaked concrete
>"Oh yeah that's cool..."

I still don't know what the appropriate reaction to watching someone piss themselves is. Pls enlighten

>>741950823
>>741950370
>>741950915
>>741950957
samenigger

File: oh no.jpg (60KB, 693x663px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 693x663px

>>741952068
Do you have a urine fetish or something, now?

>>741946010
What the fuck

File: GetTheKeksAwayFromMe!.jpg (147KB, 980x1040px) Image search: [Google]

147KB, 980x1040px

>>741952152
nice one lmao

>>741952068
Should've told her you guys can go behind the bus stop and you can "help her clean it up"
Duh bro. You missed your chance.

>>741952163
Close. Public humiliation

>>741949051
>cum
You can't cum when you're 8.

File: received_472059956491989.jpg (29KB, 480x799px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 480x799px

>>741951979
>>741952026
Using Overchan. A (You) looks like this.
>Hurr durr

>>741952308
yep, that guy is lying

File: 1502618337997.gif (1MB, 280x210px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 280x210px

>>741951979
>>741952026
Im dissapointed that the others in here are so dumb

>>741952387
See >>741952359

File: FB_IMG_1499992289964.jpg (60KB, 1080x1376px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 1080x1376px

>>741940511
Holy shit

>>741952068
You should have pissed yourself as well so she wouldn't feel self conscious

>>741952359
Then stop phone fagging you tard

File: umad.gif (2MB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 480x270px

>>741952359
>>741952387
samefag

>>741952068
You should have yelled 'aye curumba' or some other shit then fall to the ground and start licking up the piss puddle. Bitch would have been yours forever.

>>741952448
Sorry I can't bring my computer into my bathroom to shit with me

>>741945308
/thread

>>741951996
dealing the shit hand makes me angry but i cant do anything with it so hah and then back to feeling shit

File: Screenshot_2017-08-13-13-38-32.png (239KB, 579x442px) Image search: [Google]

239KB, 579x442px

>>741952456

>>741952068

i have no clue what the appropriate response was but good story m8

>>741952596
Stop taking the bait you stupid fuck. Jesus Christ man

>>741944221
>>741944223
w-what happened?

File: 037770.jpg (515KB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

515KB, 3264x2448px

>>741952498
No. You are just a lazy poorfag

>be 14
>play tennis most summer days
>get urge to shit
>hold it because I'm busy playing
>5min later hit breaking point
>run over to other Court to get a ball
>urge to shit leaves me
>thankgod.jpg
>omw walking back smell something
>See turd in the middle of the other court
>oh shit did I do that?
>Act like I didn't see shit
>when we finish it's in the way of the path out
>ohshitthinkofsomething
>say "Holy crap do you see that"? "Someone took a crap in the middle of the court"
>"It must've been those kids playing before us"
>"Yeah, disgusting"

I still have shame of pooping on a tennis court :(

>>741952308
You can have dry orgasms, probably what he meant.

>>741952628
NEVER!

File: th.jpg (10KB, 178x283px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 178x283px

>>741952498
>Not having a Shitbucket

>>741952740
Playing without shorts on?
Smells like bullshit.

>>741952740
Nice save

>>741952929
Aye. Even with, most tennis shorts are white or pastel colored. Someone would have seen your shitstain you smelly boy.

>>741949193
She had her first orgasm masturbating to the thought of you grabbing her breast.

>>741940511
maybe you should just kill your self, it's the best solution. the final solution

>>741952929
I was obviously wearing shorts... >>741953042
You probably shouldnt judge what the average tennis player wears from watching Wimbledon once where they all are required to wear white.

For example literally all guys just wear any fucking gym shorts with pockets and a t-shirt, girls mostly wear special skirts to hold the tennis balls.

>>741953372
>knowing what Wimbledon is
I have tricked you, homosexual

File: OH BOY.jpg (788KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

788KB, 1024x768px

>>741952596
Great work.
You have proven that you can use paint!

>>741950454
The Indian shimmy strikes again.

File: 4Q7bsaa.png (320KB, 767x836px) Image search: [Google]

320KB, 767x836px

>>741953435
Guilty

File: Screenshot_2017-08-13-08-03-27.png (115KB, 480x800px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 480x800px

>>741953551
Wrong.

>>741953372
>girls mostly wear special skirts to hold the tennis balls.
Do tell. This makes me wet

>>741948595
Colorado *dab*

File: 1498766224503.png (789KB, 659x599px) Image search: [Google]

789KB, 659x599px

I got so many embarrassing stories stories involving alcohol and drugs i dont even know where to begin.

>be me age 14
>live in eastern europe
>have some kind of prom after 7th grade
>every kid is attending
>every teacher + school director is attending
>Alcohol is strictly forbidden at the event
>fuck that shit
>have a genious plan
>go with a friend to the nearest shop ~1km
>buy 0.7l vodka + 2l Coke
>plan is to drink it till we get there ~15min
>drink vodka while friend drink cola
>switch vodka for cola
>repeat 15 times
>vodka is gone
>almost back at the event
>?????
>wake up at home
>whole body hurts
>bruises everywhere
>parents obviously mad af
>I dont remember shit
>mfw when they tell me I've fallen on some chick while dancing???
>mfw when they tell me i've knocking on some teacher head
>mfw when they tell me I puked all over one of the tables
>mfw when they tell me some teacher washed me in the sink cuz i was covered in puke
>mfw when they tell me some teacher brought me back with his car and carried me cuz i coldnt walk
>mfw when i saw pictures from the event
>mfw two days after at school

this thread is pure gold

>>741953939
Uhhh semi-related tennis related story time? It's not embarrassing tho

>me 15 or 16
> Play jr team tennis + highschool tennis
>another girl does the same
>we basically hang out 6 days a week
> Play tennis together for 5 hours each day
>become good friends
> She's inherently racist, but in the "not all black people are bad" way
>I'm half black
>uses me to test her racist jokes
>Our parents are friends
>she often comes over after tennis practice
> She's blond pretty but not my type
> Just two sweaty teenagers
> Alone in my room
> Talking about stupid stuff
>I'm sitting on the legs spread
>she's on the floor
>I say something stupid
>she gets up on her knees and grabs my arm
>she's actually pretty violent
>I look down can see straight down her shirt
>no bra (she's mostly flat)
>see two titties
>thank Jesus for onesie tennis outfits

>>741953372
So you managed to shit through your undies and down the leg of your shorts? No one saw anything and you didnt feel it? Lying cunt.

>>741953990
i laughed a lot dude. nice

>>741952497
lol

>>741954524
Nigga I've worn boxers since middle school. Who the fuck wears tidy whitie underwear anymore ?

>>741954807
Does not make this any more likely

>>741953990
That's most Eastern European thing I've ever heard in my life.

>>741950569
A degenerate? Tell us more, if you will

>be me, an age
>peepee got big
>Oh no grill see
>cry and arrested
>retarded

>>741954864
You've never turtled before? Really? Then a turd gets squeezed out when you least expect it. I don't understand how you think it's impossible for a turd to from my ass to the ground. For the fact that no one saw is probably because it was just me and him playing for fun. Anything else you need explained ?

>>741954521
>im black im black im black
>unrelated incident about seeing tits

ok.jpg

File: 1375943039992.jpg (38KB, 500x619px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 500x619px

>>741948979
*isn't

>>741955297
Relevant to the racist jokes thing. It was the glue that held our friendship together.

>>741955266
Do your boxers hang below your tennis shorts?

>>741955352

that's kinda cute i guess

>>741955470
>Tennis shorts
Lmao
Literally just gym shorts you can buy from anywhere

And no they don't, I still don't see what your point is.

File: 1502254798068.jpg (55KB, 258x360px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 258x360px

>>741940511
>mom does all the talking and they usher me into an operating room
>operating room
Holy shit, the horror that child experienced!
Top Fucking Kek

>>741955266
Did you even have a shit streak on the back of your leg or anything? Turd must have been like the JFK bullet changing directions.

File: DudeWhat.png (194KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 480x480px

>>741953990

>>741955352
Tennis players typically have ass. Post your half-black, tennis player ass. I want to see how this worked out.

>>741940511
Only 90s kids will remeber discovering sex by the torn pages of porn mags out in the woods/field.

The amount of pant shitting and pissing that goes on in peoples teenage years is fucking disgusting.

>>741955792
Welcome to the world of diarrhoea.

File: 20170219_071334.jpg (1MB, 2592x1944px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2592x1944px

>>741955697
I have lewds. That I've posted on 4chan b4. And many I have not.

>>741955634
I honestly don't even remember. But i probably did have a bit of a stain in my shorts.

>>741955787
Yes. Yes. So this.

Furiously fapping out in the middle of nowhere while flicking through messy, dirty pages.

Wanting to take a magazine home but no way to carry it without it being noticed.

>>741955583
So if I kit myself out with boxers and gym shorts I can punch out a log whilst wearing said items, clean as a whistle? No mess no fuss.

>>741956182
Probably not clean. And I think I did mention a turd before like a round turd.

I'm thinking a nice long log wouldn't be something so easily squeezed out on accident.

>>741951754
Underage b&

>>741952446
Lost.. Hard..

>>741956031

wait are you the guy who was posting earlier? are you a guy?

>>741956617
I'm a guy and I've posted two tennis stories.

>>741952740
If its in the path of the way out it would have been in the path of the way in. But it wasnt. Couldnt have been the kids before you. Opponent retarded?

>>741956687
oh, okay...

>>741956747
They could've fully known it was me or even saw it pop out of my pants, whatever the case good on them for saving me the embarrassment.

Also at tennis centers there are usually 2 courts side by side with one entrance. We were playing on the far court and my dookie fell on the close court, closer to the entrance/exit. If you want I can do a quick diagram.

>>741956031
Isn't that the faggot twink trap from another thread?

>>741956031
>>741956687
That's such a fag picture though. Are you homosexual, bisexual or some other newfag-type of "-sexual"?

>>741957147
I did post it in another thread recently. I have others if you want.

>>741957316
Idk bisexual I guess. I kinda like dressing up as a trap. It's a fetish I guess.

>>741957463
I see.

>>741957463
So you're the miracle man who can shit down the leg of his shorts?

>>741949633
IF U DONT LIKE MERICA YOU'N GIIIIT OUT.

FUCKING SUMMERFAGGOTS I SWEAR

>>741957576
I don't understand why it's so unbelievable to some you people. Have you never seen the video of that lady just standing there then shaking her leg a little and out pops a turd from the bottom of her pants?

>>741949686
Literally 1 black person in my town faggot

Ehh fuck it. I'll post. Just a fapping storie
>be me, 23.. about 4 months ago
>gf went somewhere, we were living with her grandma at the time
>time to fap
>have laptop sitting between legs jerking it like a madman
>going all out, headphones in playing loudly and everything
>door is shut so don't think there's any neeed to worry
>no lock, but too into it now to stop
>suddenly a knock on the door
>close laptop and rip out earphones as fast as I can
>the old bitch just opens the door without even waiting for response
>hard dick on full view, she also saw me rushing to close laptop and get blanket over dick
>literally says, "oh....ok" and turns to walk away
>30 minutes later comes back up and asks if I want her to warm me some food
>senile lady probably forgot everything she just witnessed

>>741948013
lol
>>741948027
holy fuck lol
>>741948602
jesus christ

>>741949108
you dun fucked up anon

File: IMG_0557.png (82KB, 239x229px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 239x229px

> be me like 10 or so
> friends find out how to masturbate
> show me what it is
> i go home at night
> shower time fap for the first time
> fucking amazing
> no cum so I do it all nighter
> fap everywhere in bathroom
> like standing on the toilet
> laying on the ground
> sitting on washer
> vibrating
> igotagoodidea
> rub hard dick on washer
> get a bit too intense
> start making noise uncontrollably
> mom enters while dick is as hard as a rock on a washing machine
> MFW

>>741957733
I cringed a little. But yeah you were probably safe.

And ty for getting the thread back on track. It took a weird gross turn that nearly ruined what has been full of great posts.

>>741940511
Hahahaha you gave me a good laugh ty anon

>>741944143
Whats your sister look like now? Is she hot? Maybe you can fuck her

>>741957733
>headphones in
Rookie mistake.
The most sensitive part of a mans body while masturbating is his ears.
Can hear a pin drop two blocks away.

>>741957861
Next up on "My Strange Addiction" - a man who gets aroused by washing machines: "I like fucking washers. Even mom can't stop me."

>>741940511
Don't worry, OP. At least you can cry yourself to sleep every night knowing your parents are even bigger retards than you.

>>741957922
Yes, but here is the most painful story
>probably 11 years old, have younger cousin who is about 9
>aunt babysits me during summer while mom is working
>aunt is a loser and basically watches those reality tv daytime court shows all day while letting cousin and I play in her room
>we develop this cringey game where we lay in her walk in closet in pitch black while kicking a plastic ball up in the air
>for some unexplainable reason during this game, she is a princess and I am a villain called "evil vandegroot" kek
>we begin to get closer and a hover hand her pretending to embrace her and make out with her like I have seen in movies and shit
>don't actuallly do it, it is all hover hand type shit, but am actuallly close to her
>think I accidentally touch her
>she runs out of closet at starts yelling "he touched my peepee"
>even at my age, know that this isn't ok
>aunt seems to ignore it for the most part
>think I am in the clear
>uncle comes home
>grabs my arm and says "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER"
>immediately begin crying
>they hate me from that point on, and still do
>still have family holiday dinners with them
>that look he gives me every time.

>>741948602
First one here that's actually sad

>>741948602
Yikes

>>741958791
toxic parenting at its finest

>>741949108
Thats hilarious. Reminds me of peep show

>>741960031
> piss on the lawn
> he saw me
> didn't talked to him for the rest of the week

I guess you could say that you shook it off after that.

>>741940511
Man I was Using Tor Browser When I was 11 and you don't even know what was Masturbating? :/

File: IMG_7545.jpg (37KB, 619x453px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 619x453px

>>741951754
I enjoyed this story a lot and idk why

>>741952068
You just say "hey dont worry about it, it happens to the best of us" she'd be like "wow so nice and mature maybe i should suck his dick"

>>741960756
> "wow so nice and mature maybe i should suck his dick"

Did you take that out of some porn's script?

>>741955634
kek

>>741961114
Ive actually said this to many women I've seen pissing themselves. Works every time.

File: BVQcm.gif (757KB, 840x525px) Image search: [Google]

757KB, 840x525px

>>741962279

>>741949051
>>I still have a scat fetish. t-thanks, harold and kumar.

Yeah, that's harold and kumar's fault. Fucking faggot

>>741956987
Do it!

>>741957861
top fucking kek

>>741958228
My fucking sides

>>741943394
I never knew anything I just had instinct. Like don't stick your dick in a toaster. Not something I "learned" in sex Ed it's just common Sense

File: 1500030431972.jpg (31KB, 386x449px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 386x449px

>>741949765
That's the best-worst advice I've ever heard.

>>741940511
so your parents blame you for being retarded but never put any effort into educating you?
if i were you i'd think about killing them and shitting on their grave

>>741946010
Dafuq nigga are you even human?!?!?!?!?!

>>741962279
Biggest retard walking on the earth.

>>741940511
This was pretty embarrassing >>741963230

>>741948027
That's it you win today's internet

>>741946010
>>741963502

Man, I'm watching this story tonight on "Things That Never Happened".

>>741963893
Makes me embarrassed to be human.

>>741950450
what happened?

>>741940511
you have shitty parents. plebs should of laughed it off and at least said masturbating is something you do on your own

>>741957370
Would be nice. You got a fursuit too?

>>741945060
'>>'

Long time ago
My rich dad forced my first girlfriend to fucked his entire company members in front of my eyes. Just because she's poor. Then my family told me she was a hooker, but I just found out she wasn't
Should I kill my dad?

>>741952709
this is both amazing and autistic

>>741952709
And here I thought I was a genius for routing region 2 speakers into the bathroom through the attic.

File: 10363682_673766029361328_9078193225282840967_n.jpg (9KB, 222x225px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 222x225px

>>741955218

>>741965170
Yes. Just get your crossbow and nab the fucker while he's on the shitter.

File: kekimus maximus.jpg (10KB, 200x211px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 200x211px

>>741948027
MY FUCKING SIDES 'YOUNG JEW'

File: image.jpg (138KB, 500x330px) Image search: [Google]

138KB, 500x330px

> Be me, 19
> at black gfs house
> family has me over for dinner
> eat food while they get enraged at CNN because black people issues
> finish meal
> they go upstairs
> gf and I go to living room
> she pulls down pants and shakes her ass at me
> pull out my dick and go to pound town on that brown mound
> datass.jpg
> really going at it
> hear bump in the kitchen
> look up
> it's her fucking grandmother
> she freaks out and runs upstairs to tell family
> ohshit.gif
> have no idea wat do>
> worried because both families don't know me and her have regular sex
> they talk to her after I leave
> mfw when her grandmother thought we were cuddling weird and her old innocent brain couldn't process I was fucking her grand daughters fat ass
> her family thought grammama was just overreacting

Still embarrassed as fuck I looked her in the eyes balls deep in her granddaughter