I want to hear your stories /B/ What is the most perverted thing

>>741498662
Damn prostitots

>>741498662
>Live in small town with some sort of Catholic shrine nearby
>Get lots of weird religious people coming in to diner where I worked because of it
>One of them leaves a bottle of holy lotion that you're supposed to rub on ailments instead of a tip
>We roll our eyes and put it behind the counter
>After work I remember it and decide to take it home because the bottle was cool
>It was glass, spiraled like a sea shell
>The more I look at it the more it looks like a buttplug
>Mastrubate with holy lotion bottle up my ass that night

>>741498662
I'm gonna bump this one for potential. You guys make me laugh and I will dish my stories.

>>741498662
hot

>away at school for a months
>go to see my girlfriend on break
>rent a hotel room so we can fuck all weekend
>gf on period
>dgaf
>pound that bloody hole all weekend
>blood all over the sheets, soaked through to mattress
>I look like a barbarian warrior with blood splattered all over thighs, cock, and hands
>great weekend

>early 2000s, living with girlfriend
>she gets sore red patch on butt cheek
>hard for her to see to put on ointment so I do it
>have her spread butt cheek slightly to reach area
>stare at puckered butt hole intently each time
>tell her I think patch is getting bigger and spread cream over larger area
>get closer to butt hole each day
>finally touch finger tip to wrinkled goal
>resist urge to push lotion covered finger inside
>rash clears up and never get to touch butt hole again

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Told this one before, but I'll happily do it again.
>fifteen year old horn-dog
>family is vacationing for the weekend
>I opt out to stay home and fap
>and fap I do, so much that I'm sore
>still itching
>take my dad's metal safe (the kind with the number pad)
>set it so the door is facing upwards
>put my nuts in such a way that it was painless
>close it
>realize I don't know the combination and I don't have the key
>spend 50 something hours crouching uncomfortably, weighed down by the heavy safe, not being able to sleep for fear of slipping and castrating myself
>sis comes in and finds me
>she fucking laughs

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niiice

>>741501495
What was the allure of having your sack locked in the safe? I get ball busting but in a safe seems so specific.

>>741501495

There is no way you can close a safe door with your ball sack inside and having it 'painless'

>>741501495
Wait wait wait! You didn't really explain why you locked up your nuts.

>>741501980
Im thinking he wanted to keep the family jewels safe.

>>741500359
144

>>741501961
Not unless you let the door close on the loose, empty part of your sack with your balls wedged inside.

>>741501495

Why? How?

And why didn't you let it castrate you so you could remove that stupid from the human gene pool?

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>>741501495
Holy shit, I've heard this one xd

>>741502029
Ahhhhh now that was a top quality reply brother.

>>741501495
I am confused but I also remember the stupid shit I did as a horny 15 yo so I don't need you to explain

>>741501495
2978?

>>741501216
Why didn't you just touch it during sex dude wtf

>>741501980
bully at school threatened to punch him there on monday

>>741502029
gg

>>741502035
It always four digits you safeless nigger

>>741501829
Why does anyone do anything?
>>741501980
For an adrenaline rush. I'm really into bondage.
>>741501961
On the contrary, see>>741502066
>>741502029
Kek'd
>>741502102
Fuck off, I was 15.

>>741502130
daaaaaaaaamn son
We has a celebrity here

>>741502066

I own a pinpad safe, the battery-operated hotel type thing and I call bullshit on the story.

Just how loose would a ballsack have to be? Inhumanly loose, that's how.

>>741502334
Really don't know what to say. They fit in and it was pretty fucking terrible.

>>741502259
Howd you pass the time while locked up? Im guessing jerking off in that time was a no no?

>>741502204
no way she was letting me anywhere near there

>>741502485
The same way a prisoner passes time; recollecting and feeling immense regret for what he's done.

>>741502334

He said here that he is really into bondage >>741502259

If he is shutting his sack in a safe do you really think thats the first time he stretched his scrote?

>>741502322
>>741502130
I'm also the snail thread guy if anyone was here for that earlier. Guess I'm still as much an idiot now as I was then.

>>741498662
At least 20 US states allow sex with animals.

>>741502747
Snails? Do tell!

>>741502747
Christ, once a /b/tard always a /b/tard. If that safe didn't ruin your junk, have my babies.

>>741502843
The thread was active just a few hours ago. I found a bunch of snails and had them go through a series or challenges to determine who would live.

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>>741502843
>>741502926
I burnt the weakest link with a lighter and a can of axe body spray.

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>>741503037
continuing, here's my makeshift arena

>12 yo
>set up tent in backyard
>have friend over for sleep over
>stay up late bullshitting
>wake up early because sun is bright
>friend still sleeping
>have morning boner
>start stroking
>shoot load right into sleeping bag
>red faced, covered in sweat, inside of bag smells like a greenhouse
>realize friend probably heard, smelled everything

not much of a story but its all I got to keep the thread going.

>>741503073
i love you

>>741502578
there's no way you actually did that fuckface

>>741503037
>>741503073

Reminds me of the time I built a gulag out of twigs and filled it with slugs. Those that escaped by climbing the walls were executed with an air rifle.

>>741503220
>there's no way you actually did that fuckface

less shitty opinions more perverted stories

>catch a catholic sermon to try and pick up some chicks
>heard they were into premarital sex
>I'm sorely disappointed, they're all old farts
>jerk it in the church bathroom
>wipe my load with a church activity leaflet
>leave it on a church pew
>never go back

>>741499641
> live in small town with some sort of catholic shrine nearby
> masturbate with holy lotion bottle up my ass
That's all you really needed to say.

>>741503390
The lord was in me I guess

>>741503220
Stop being such a dumb nigger, stranger things have happened
>>741503282
Fucking nice mane

>12 yo
>sitting on couch watching comedian with older sister
>comedian talking about fapping and I decide to try it for the first time
>go to bathroom during commercial break and jerk off
>orgasm so hard my knees buckle and I can't see
>think I am going to have to go to the hospital
>recover and return to living room
>realize years later that I left my jizz all over the floor
>I always wonder what happened to it

>>741502259

Ive known 13 year olds that were smarter than that.

You huffed glue or something, right? There's no way someone can naturally be that stupid

>>741498662
Goat fuckers was projection this whole time

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>>741502244

>>741499641
I don't believe in God or heaven but you're sure as fuck going to hell

>>741503689
Nope, no glue. It was just a poor decision. We all do stupid shit.
>>741503944
Copypasta?

>get together with current gf
>she has a dildo and asks me to use it on her
>imokwiththis.jpg
>she cums and I keep pounding
>stop anon! stop!
>think she is being shy, keep going
>suddenly she pisses everywhere
>we both freeze staring at each other
>resume pounding while she writhes and pisses more begging me to stop
>enjoyed that a lot even if she was mad as hell after

>>741502029
+100 Internet's good sir

>>741502244
dubdubs of wut?

>>741502334
Dude I have like 6 inches of empty sac before my nuts. My empty sac part is longer than my penis

>>741503920
>>741502244
firsts number 0 do i get a star?

>>741504038

Kek don't worry about it. I probably should be dead 10 times over from the stupid shit in did in high school. I'm the kinda person I'd tell not to procreate, too, but I already did it so too late.

>>741499641
God bles

>>741504283
Your empty sack part is probably longer than his dick too

>>741504429
Sick one, micro-peen.

>>741504283
This is my fetish
Show dick

>>741504429
I didn't know the Amazing Atheist used 4chan kek

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>>741504175

>>741503037
>>741503073

Will you please take a pic of snails on your dick? Asking for a friend

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>>741504939
Already put them back sry, otherwise I would.

>>741503371
underrated, I did something similar when I was 16

>>741501495
What was the combo you asshole??

>>741501495
did your sister touch your cock?

>Work for landscaping company over summer
>Boss is a total bro
>Has gf that is hot in a chain smoking MILF sort of way
>She wears loose tank tops often and no bra
>Get a few glimpses of her hangers by sneaking looks down her front
>Usually end day at building where equipment is stored
>Small bathroom upstairs at top of steps
>For some reason tiny window in there looking down on rest of warehouse
>Lock bathroom door and peek out at MILF smoking and sauntering around with hand on her hip while fapping
>Shoot load against wall moaning her name softly
>Want to die of shame once I came to my senses

>>741505389
S...seeing as you are helpless senpai...

>>741505389
The epitome of /b/, and no, she just told me the combo
>>741505264
Fuck, I don't remember. Maybe it had a 7 in it?

>>741505445
you had me at smoking anon

Oh shit /b/ do i have some fucking stories for you.

>be me
>in high school
>me and gf finally have a class together
>chemistry with big tables that you can't see under
>the plot thickens
>me and her sit at back corner of class away from everyone else
>we were both very horny teenagers

>Sit in class and start to take notes. everyone is paying very close attention since it was Honors Chemistry
>Sit close to my gf and its not questioned and she loved to cuddle up to my arm
>we are the only two at our table
>I put my arm on her leg and asks her if she wants to have some fun
>She replies with a nod. she's knows all to well what that means
>move my hand up and sneakily unbutton her pants.
>tables are tall and you can't see under them so no one else could possibly know.
>slide my hand down pants
>commence fingering.
>start slowly making sure she is comfortable.
>see the looks of immense pleasure on her face
>this is gonna be fun
>pick up the speed and add another finger to the mix
>she starts whimpering and I look over to her to her. just a stare of "you have to be quiet"
>I decide to see what happens and i spread my fingers apart
>her breath hitches and she look scared so I stopped
>"Did i say to stop"
>Fine with me
>continue fingering her while she cuddles up to me and starts rubbing my dick.
>Class is almost over so i pull my hand out.
>pull a napkin from my bag and clean my fingers and she buttons up
>we leave to come back to that class tomorrow
>mfw this happened almost every class and we had the class all year

It only gets crazier from there though. Let me know if you're interested and I'll post more. I have a shit ton to tell. And no. We never got caught

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>>741504151
I think my fiance is developing a piss fetish. We tend to fuck almost every weekend, and lately every time we have sex she mentions how close she was to pissing herself in the afterglow.
>Mfw I'm dating a huge-titted nymphomaniac with a dominant mommy fetish and is slowly growing more depraved by the day

>having bath as kid
>just started jerking a few months earlier
>heard something at school about anal sex feeling good
>try to put hair brush handle up ass
>tootight.png
>lube up with hair conditioner
>get tip in
>lay on back in tub, legs over head, brush in ass, jerking off
>Decide to tell that story to a gf years later for some fucking reason
>Still feel shame at her look of disgust

>>741505837
show those milk makers!

>>741505795
I think you're full of shit

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>>741505961
Ah what the hell.
I don't have much but here's one of the better ones

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>>741505639
Smoking fetish anon?

>>741505795
Continue

>>741505837
My gf is similar in that she almost always brings up that she is going to pee herself before she orgasms. Never considered she might have a piss fetish. Food for thought

>>741504151

she squirted, you simpleton

>>741506211
niiiice, ever get to put your dick between those pillows?

>>741506512
yeah but only when the other anon is at work!

>>741506477
Well, she really did piss herself as the smell and color confirmed but if you are pointing out that squirting is actually just piss instead of some mythical female fluid from a magic hole then yeah you're right

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>>741506595
Oh hush you
>>741506477
Yes anon, that's usually my favorite way to finish

>>741506648
And yet science tells us that female ejaculate sometimes contains piss and some times doesn't.

>>741506680
> Yes anon, that's usually my favorite way to finish

Titty fucking has never been my thing but the one time I did come between my gfs tits it was pretty nice. Just not something I want to do every time.

>>741506648

Educate yourself, young un. It's called Skene's gland. Google that shit. But yeah, there's some urine mixed in there, too.

>>741506877
citation needed

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>>741505795
I used to do shit like this with my first girlfriend back in the 8th grade. I have tons of stories about hooking up at school and getting right dirty if anyones interested

>>741506896
I love titjobs, but thighjobs are also amazing.
Her favorite way to finish is usually with her on top teasing me until she orders me to "cum for momma" and that's all it usually takes.

>>741506951

you mean like basic high school sex ed class? JFC, what rock are you kids living under?

>>741507133
The "female ejaculate == piss" myth is something /b/ has been passing around for a few years now. It's one of those "we're smarter then anyone else" things. It is of course wrong.

>>741507019
viva la thigh jobs!

>be 19
>traveling abroad with a friend and his sister(she was 12 or so not really sure) and mum
>staying at various hotels and such
>at one point we're staying at this house/apartment thing by the beach
>only one bathroom
>waiting for sister to finish showering so I can take a shit
>only time I can fap is while taking a shit to avoid suspicion
>notice clothes on floor
>always liked the idea of holding a girls panties and smelling them, not going to waste this golden opportunity
>dear god that's foul, instant regret
>finished fapping anyway

on one hand I feel kind of guilty, but then again that stink was probably punishment enough

>>741506951
Gary Schubach (August 2001). "Urethral Expulsions During Sensual Arousal and Bladder Catheterization in Seven Human Females". Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. 4.

Chalker R (August 2002). "The G-spot: some missing pieces of the puzzle". Am. J. Obstet. Gynecol. 187 (2): 518–9; author reply 520.

>>741507484
There have been a number of times in my life where I thought sniffing panties would enhance the experience. It has always ended in me grimacing in disgust at the stank.

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>>741498662

>>741507680
citation accepted

>>741498662
>I like to lick and finger the family dog
>she likes it too

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>>741498662
>be 17
>live in small house because poor
>have 11 year old sister
>sisters friend spends the night
>no way that ass is 11
>aroused.gif
>they sleep in living room because sleepover
>sisters friend falls asleep
>lay on floor next to her
>slide hand under blanket
>pull down front of her pajamas
>slip finger in pussy
>feel her breathing get heavy
>finger that wet kitty while I fap
>wipe cum in her after I finish
>go to sleep and hang out with them next day
>still don't know if she was conscious while it happened
>face when I may have costed her years of therapy

>>741502029
lmao

>Have friend I haven't seen in a couple of years
>We were besties in high school but I moved to another province
>She comes for a visit one weekend
>We have a great time hanging out
>Browsing around on the internet while laying on my bed
>Come across porn
>Make fun of it
>Keep watching
>I'm getting aroused
>Start playing with myself under covers
>Realize that she is too
>Get up nerve
>Reach over and start masturbating her too
>She gasps but doesn't stop me
>Stop when video ends
>Neither of use ever say anything about it

>>741507680
Female ejaculation is all well and fine but sometimes chicks piss themselves during sex, especially when they have a full bladder and you are putting weight on it. Just sayin

>>741508403
How old?

>>741508604
Around 19 at the time

>>741508530
I won't contradict you on that. It's a huge turn on when they do, as long as they don't freak and break the mood.

I will however provide citations to anyone claiming all female ejaculate is urine.

>>741508812
Boy or girl?

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>>741502029

>>741498662
Well offcourse its leagal in thoes countyes. Have you seen there woman?

>>741509069
grill - you can go fap now

>>741509498
can we not see your tits?

>>741509538
This?

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>>741507806

Holy fuchsia that's hot. More like this plz

>be 17
>get fuck buddy who's a psycho
>sitting drinking coffee in crowded restaurant
>she leaves and tells me to go in to the bathroom in one minute
>shittingbrix
>get there
>tits are out
>she starts sucking
>feels good
>tells me to cum on her face
>nut with the force of a firehose
>she's covered
>knock at the door
>customer tells me to get out
>desparately cleaning cum out of her hair
>waiter comes to unlock the door
>sees me wiping her hair with toilet paper
>tells us to get out
Didn't even pay for my coffee

>>741509538
>>741509672
I respectfully decline your invitation to post tits

>>741509816
Great fantasy then liar. Lol

>>741510021
Not the person you are asking for tits but considering how many posts there are on here about girls being nothing but whores, it is ironic that you get mad when you run into one that refuses to whore for you

>>741509816
A lot of girls do this
Do you call yourself bi for experimenting?

>>741504378
underrated post

>>741510493
bi curious I guess. It seems to me that women are more able to appreciate attractiveness in their own gender than men are able to in theirs.

>>741507762
I often tried shit that I saw or read online, which reminds me of another story

>be in strip club with 3 friends
>in a state where touching is allowed, basically anything except between the legs
>get 4 girls, rotate every 15 minutes or so
>have no idea how to talk to girls, autistically answer their questions
>get idea to try something, ask to touch feet
>gives me a weird look then says sure ok
>takes off shoes, I start to rub them
>another fetish that I now have 0 interest in
>she's a bit ticklish, but says that good foot rub was just what she needed after standing all day
>go back to touching boobs
>continue rotating girls till our time is up
>later I notice my hands smell like feet
>mfw I made all their tits smell like feet

>>741510352
A boring ass picture of tits does nothing for my arousal. The whole purpose of tits with timestamp is for a person who makes a claim to in fact support that claim with proof. This is an anonymous image board. I could say I'm a celebrity too, but without proof that would be a useless statement.

>>741507923
an hero

>>741510851
The woman gender is far more attractive. Don't believe me? Go look at the models for men's underwear. They are shaved smooth and have shapely, sculpted bodies. In other words, they highlight the female features.

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>>741510851
>implying I can't find men attractive
I fap to traps 4 times daily

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>>741511018
Shut the fuck up nigger. I'll do it again.

>Have girlfriend that is 19 when I am in 20s
>She often teases me that I am fucking a teenager
>Talks sometimes about how she lusted after her male teachers and likes older men
>Night before her 20th birthday asks me to show her my old high school
>park in empty parking lot
>she starts calling me Mr. Anon and talking about how I am her favorite teacher
>thispleasesme.gif
>talks about how she fantasizes about me in class and masturbates thinking about me
>we fuck doggy style in the empty playground her moaning "mr. anon"
>great birthday party

>>741511001
You fail to understand why "tits or GTFO" is a thing.

>>741511001
Its 4chan. All statements are useless statements

>>741510889
lol

Its been my experience that many things that sound sexy in theory suck in practice

>>741511192
>u<

>>741511278
What high school has a playground? You autistic lucky faggot

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>>741504845
that's the joke

>hot wax and ice play
>food play
>sensory deprivation play
>rope bondage
>hard bondage
>pain play
>orgasm denial/forced
>"my scene," "your scene," with porn
>public beach
>hiking trail
>two parking lots

I'd like to do more outdoor stuff and try more-extensive costume-play. Electro-stim might be fun, but it's an expensive niche to sample, even for cheap stuff. After you get an idea of what you like, there's no point in buying crappy disposable brands.

>>741503933
my sides

>>741511682
There was an elementary school next to it on the same property. take your medication and chill out aspie

>>741507923

Neckbeard virgin fantasy

>>741503630
lol cute

>>741509748
How did they know?

>>741499641
I like this in one. It has a twist.
>Receives bottle of holy lotion.
Oh, he's going to rub one out with the lotion.
>Shoves whole bottle in his asshole.
...
Huh...

>>741512212
Lol you want the pics for proof?

>>741511682
>>741512088
Can confirm, my high school had two play grounds on the same campus because small town and all schools are in one place.

>>741510851
As a man, I've noticed this but have never really understood it. Female sexuality is strange.

>>741512610
Did you just admit to possessing pizza

>>741498662
the fuck is /B/?

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>>741512625
That's gay. I wish my Hugh school had a playground. I don't get why at some point they assume you're too old to enjoy swings, slides, and climbing around. It would be way fun if they built even bigger playgrounds to accommodate our larger bodies too.

>"anon, want to go stand by the wall at lunch?"
>"nah bro, I'm gonna go hit the slide a couple times"

Radical.

>>741512692
Women will look at an attractive woman and wish they were her (still reserving the right to hate her for being beautiful of course) but as far as I can tell men next to never look at handsome men and wish they looked like them. Rather they wish they had as easy a time attracting women as he would. I can't quantify the difference really but it is an example of how our sexuality differs. It isn't uncommon for female friends to play with each others tits in appreciation of their size, shape, etc while male friends never play with each others cocks (can't wait to see the responses to that)

>>741513229
fuck yeah

>>741513098
I possess the cheesiest.

>>741503075
Is your name keon

>>741505795
blowjob story please

>>741513165
> the fuck is /B/?
a more mature version of /b/?

>>741513369

Big B is for big boys.

>>741513229
This is a great idea bro. My high school had an elementary playground next to it too and you can bet there were teenagers all over that shit and some pretty significant injuries lol One guy in my class broke both wrists falling off a platform thing

>>741513340
nope

>>741508403
stfu kido ban please

>Be 17
>Hanging out at friend's house
>Friend has older sister that is a year older than me
>Go into laundry room for no reason
>See basket of dirty clothes
>Panties included
>Found pair on top
>Sniff them
>That sweet aroma of her pussy is still there.
>Setsailsatfullmast.png
>Proceed to masturbate while sniffing and licking them
>Getting close to climax
>Put panties on dick and ejaculate in them
>Feels good
>Put panties back into basket and head back to friend's room
>Realize what ive done but its been done
>Still don't know if she found or not

>>741512610
I'd be interested in pics anon (gluten free and vegan cheese, of course)

>>741513430
Big B is for teenage summerfags who don't know shit.

>be 14
>visiting family at lake
>have female cousin who is 9
>wearing neon green one piece bathing suit in lake
>when when become see through
>can see her tiny bald budgie
>look at it out of corner of eye constantly mesmerized

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>>741505837
That sounds like a double-edged sword. It's all fine until she starts developing a taste for weird shit like piss, then it's sticking shit in your ass, and then before long you're being pegged while she vomits on your back.
But still... I would put up with a considerable amount to have access to those tits.
>inb4 hurr dats my fetish

>>741513560
>>741513290
We should start petitions lol

>sleeping with gf at the time
>wake up with a start cause I just experienced the most powerful sleep nut
>Ididn'tknowgirlscoulddothat.jpeg
>realized it was because my face was in her hair and I was sniffing her all night
>finger my ass while sniffing her
>v i o l e n t n u t

>>741513890
Are you sure you aren't the teenager fag for getting so bent out of shape over someone using the wrong case in a board name cause you are acting like a little bitch

When I was 16, my 24 year old step-mom decided to sleep in the living room. My dad was working late, and all my siblings were fast asleep. I waited until I was sure she was sleeping, then sat on the floor next to her matress. I flip up her blanket and set up a light, so I can see. She was wearing shirts and, in her sleep, they began to rude up her. Almost her entire ass was out. It was so round and perfect. I spent my sweet time rubbing and groping her amazing ass. After a bit, I rub my cock on her. It feels so great, I can't help but cum. I jizz all over her ass. I grab a towel and clean a bit of my nut off of her. I then throw her covers back over her, turn off my light, and return to my session of Fallout 4.

To this day, I still do this every Friday night.

>>741514136
>then before long you're being pegged while she vomits on your back.
a logical progression indeed

>>741514204
Some that crazy abandoned playground shit from Russia would be perfect for high schools

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>>741514411
Oh shit, I have caught the attention of the hyperbole police!

>>741501216
She wanted you to do it.

>>741514369
Why does your step mom sleep on the couch every friday night?

>>741514648
nah bro I just thought what you said was funny

>>741514672
She and my Dad move their matress to the living room every Friday, then move it back Sat. I have no clue why, but hey, I get something out of it.

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>>741514136
To tell you the truth we're already into pegging.
Hopefully we'll forgo the vomit bit though
But since you like them so much and I kinda forgot about this thread, go ahead and have one more

>>741514661
That bitch was crazy but not that kind of crazy

>>741514369
>16
>fallout 4
>underage b&

You're responsible for all those autistic comments on porn videos talking like english is your second language.

>>741514887
Thanks anon. They certainly are nice soft tits

>>741514975
I'm 18 now.

I like Fallout 4, why is this an issue?

>>741505264
12345
Sounds like something some idiot would have on his luggage

>>741514975
someone else mentioned they were 15 but you single out this guy. quit being a faggot

>>741514915
Ass-related stuff is nowhere near crazy

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>>741498662
>sitting at a bar
>enjoying my drink when the door opens
>check who it is
>it's a girl with a huge ass
>she walks over to the stool next to me
>do my best not to look
>she gets out her phone and drops it
>she starts to bend over to pick it up
>DON'T LOOK DAMNIT
>the stress and pain are getting to me
>start to descend into madness
>start mumbling Baby Got Back
>She picks up her phone and gets back into her original position
>still mumbling
>she taps my should and says "Could you please shut the fuck up?"
>Yell that I like big butts and I cannot lie
>everyone in the bar looks at me, and all i can hear are a series of O's and a bit of laughter
>She looks at me like I'm the anti christ and leaves
>I still get to watch her walk away
>mfw

>friend and I riding bikes down old road in woods
>come into a clearing where someone is building a house
>there is a woman working on it topless
>we stare at our first tits frozen
>she covers them and darts out of sight
>we get outta there
>later in day time to head home
>I decide to take other route
>friend wants to see tits again
>I get home and he doesn't turn up
>gone a long time
>finally returns saying the husband was there when he went back and he got screamed at
>That is my first tits story

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>>741504175

>>741505954
Chicks are weird.
My boyfriend told me he used to put BBs in his dick & liked it.
I ended up putting BBs in his dick.

>>741515427
Actually, you are right. Nowadays it is pretty normal. My current relationshit has assplay. But the event I was talking about was decades ago and butt stuff was much less common. Funny how things change.

Skull fucking in 2040!

This happened about 4 hours ago

>Walking to work
>See a homeless guy in a wheelchair with no legs
>he asks me for money
>notice he is also missing all his teeth, straight gums only
>tell him "I don't have any change but you can have this trailmix"
>Give him a large zip lock bag of Kirkland brand delicious trailmix
>he feels the bag and sees how hard all the nuts and shit are
>he sighs and has a defeated look on his face but accepts the bag
I pop a boner and masturbate furiously in washroom stall once I get to work

>>741515750
Chicks just don't understand the lengths men are willing to go to get off.

>>741515800
I don't know why this made laugh so much

>>741502805
fuck this world...
Really, you have to have a law to tell you that you dont fuck animals? Really.

How much of a candy ass liberal do you need to be to have the government make a law that you cant stick your pecker in anything thats not human.....because you dont know its not the right thing to do.

Fuck there are some stupid people around, who just want to be be told what to do because they cant make up their own minds or dont have any better judgement.

YOU DONT FUCK ANIMALS. see no law needed......dumbasses

Now put the peanut butter away

>Be me in high school for my last year
>Mostly too horny on your average day to function
>Constantly fail with girls to get anywhere because I'm clueless after getting my foot in the door for 3 and a half straight years.
>Out of no where fall into an almost relationship with 2 different girls, both of which are for real going somewhere.
>tfw my life is suddenly a badly written animoo
>Enter stage left my jackass friend with younger native american GF
>He constantly plays the field and cheats on her
>Get to be ok friends with her anyway
>One day she finds out that he slept with some Stacy bitch and I ask if she wants to hang and vent about it with literally no intention of making a move.
>wtf she makes a move on me while she's crying
>internally decide to say fuck it, she's skinny and decent looking, and my virgin dick issn't getting any softer.
>Grab a rubber on the way to my room
>Fuck her and cum with the force of a thousand suns.
>Fuck her in the church parking lot
>Fuck her at her place while her parents are making dinner downstairs
>Sneak her out of the house several times and fuck her in my car
>Fuck her every day so often, that we sometimes don't use a condom and have to do the shitty pull out method.
>one of the times in my car I say I'm about to hnnnnnnnnng and she grabs me with her arms and legs and makes me fill that shit up.
>Start freaking out thinking that this crazy bitch wants to lock my ass down for life.
>Next day (its been 2 weeks after we first get together), my dad pulls me aside.
>"Anon, your mom was grabbing trash from the cans around the house and found a condom, that girl is 16 and we are freaking the fuck out about how white kids get in the paper for fucking underage girls
>18 year old me didn't know about Romeo and Juliet laws, under which all of the shit I did was leagle.
>Decide to say fuck it and break it off with her the next day,
>I feel nothing
>Years later find out she cheated on me the night before, and she thought I knew.
>lol

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>>741503075
I have a camping story you made me remember
>be 12yo me
>awkward, sheltered kid because I grew up in the country and never saw anyone besides fam
>invite my one friend over to camp in back yard
>things go well typical dipshit preteen night
>wake up in morning
>getting dry humped
>pretend to be asleep because idk what else to do
>he gets off top of me and goes back to sleep
>I get up and go sleep in my room
>kid stayed around my house for the next couple days would not leave
>tfw never mention it to him

>>741516023
>How much of a candy ass liberal do you need to be to have the government make a law that you cant stick your pecker in anything thats not human

What makes you assume only liberals stick their peckers in animals?

>>741515522
lmfao goat if true

>>741516057
I am loling imagining you laying there with your eyes pressed shut while your friend dry humps you

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>>741498662
the fuck, you cant have sex with animals in sweden anymore?

why are muslims going there???

>>741516023
I don't see a problem with bestiality.

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>>741506989
Do tell

>>741516181

The point is that only a liberal will need a law....

Thanks for proving my point dumbass.

>>741516847
>Thanks for proving my point dumbass.

I don't think that means what you think it means

>>741501216
Why wouldn't you touch your girlfriends butthole anyways during...let's say sex?

>>741517001
Like I explained to someone else, that story was from decades ago before butt play was as normalized as it is now. She was grossed out by the idea

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>used to have a grandfather who was a nazi
>his uniform was passed down to me for whatever reason
>girlfriend is really into Hitler
>she's a german babe
>one Halloween night I come home and she got a hold of my Grandfather's uniform and is now wearing it
>I was dressed as Luigi for an office party
>she gets really close to me and whispers in my ear "are you a jew?"
>I'm speechless
>she slowly drags me towards the bed and asks me again "Are you a jew?"
>I mutter a soft no
>"your nose says otherwise, anon"
>she takes off my overalls and gets my dick out
>"Do you know what we do with jews here?"
>she slowly pumps it, and is saying a few words in German
>doing my best not to get too aroused as not to ruin the uniform
>she applies some weird smelling shit to my dick as lube
>"tell me when you're going to cum, jew."
>she goes faster and deeper
>start to moan
>tell her i'm about to cum
>She says "You know what we do with jews?" again
>I yell no
>"we burn them."
>she lights my dick on fire

>>741507806
Why did this give me an erection

>>741516047
should have kept her around, just with condoms...

>>741516047
>Be me again age 12
>Family sleep over at my Grandmothers
>Ran out of rooms, have to use a sleeping bag in a room with my 11 year old cousin
>Can't sleep, get to talking for a few hours
>Hear a mattress shifting through one of the walls
>She asks what it is
>Explain that someone is having sex, knowing exactly what it is after sharing a wall with my parents bedroom for 5 years.
>She's heard of sex but doesn't really know what all the fuss is about.
>We both decide to check out each other's junk because neither of us have ever seen it irl before.
>She asks me to lick her
>I agree if she will do the same
>Go down on her, not knowing what I'm doing at all
>she starts moaning.
>Start to get a tiny confused boner. which after a couple minutes she is checking out up close.
>She sticks it in her mouth and licks it a little, shit felt good
>Hear a noise down the hall and stop, drop and roll back into our own sleeping bags.
>Neither of us ever speak of it again
>Be super weird and awkwardly flirty around each other for the next 16 years. Infrequently jerking off to incest pron, and fantasy's
>Find a girl who's on the down-low into that shit
>Fuck her raw every other night while she calls out her cousins name in ecstasy

>horny highschool kid
>had gf that wasn't exactly hot but neither was I
>would sit side by side at backmost table in science class
>I would reach back and rub her ass in her tight jeans
>she would lean forward slightly to let me rub down low enough to touch pussy
>by the end of class her jeans would be wet at the crotch
>never wanted to let me get past second base at home though
>wtf

>>741517312
Nah man, in college it wasn't cool to date high-school girls. plus I ended up in like a 4 year relationship like 2 months into college anyway. no regrets.

>>741517001
All these blokes asking why he wasn't fucking/playing her asshole on the regular don't realize that not every girl is into anal play, or are just raised to be ashamed of it so avoid it.

>>741517171
What the fuck did you do to her?

>>741517265
ikr

I'm not into beastiality at all but reading about chicks taking about how much they love dogs raping them is hot

>house-sitting for someone for a few days
>notice a picture of a young woman in the guest room I am sleeping in
>looks a lot like Jennifer Connelly
>she seems to have such a knowing teasing look
>jerk off to her every night
>looking around house later notice another picture of her along with a bulletin from the church her funeral had been at
>realize I had been jerking it to the picture of the home owner's dead younger sister

>>741516047
>>741517353
>Be Me again, 21 this time.
>Been dating a girl for like 2-3 years
>Crazy good looking but no one dated her because she had a million food allergy's that could kill her and she was a republican in a democrat state.
>Keeps trying to shove her finger in my asshole, but settles for me choking her while we fuck.
>We had been trying to keep it real with blindfolds, hot wax, food-play, Ice-play, one time of anal and she cried because she had a tiny asshole. Her suprising me with a jerk off session while I play Marvel vs Capcom 2, Suprise her by eating her out while she watches Kill Bill (the last two were just to see how long we could hold back without needing to fuck like animals). You know, standard kinky shit.
>eventually fall into a rhythm of choking her while we fuck, as it was the easiest way for her to get off.
>not really into the choking thing, but learn to put it aside so I can get my dick wet.
>one night we get plastered, we fall over each other on our way to the bedroom.
>She keeps telling me to choke her harder as I ride her shit like Genghis Khan.
>As I increase the pressure, her gasps for me to choke her harder start to grow faint, until she finally passes out.
>Cum in her barely conscious pussy as hard as I have ever cum.
>Next day her neck was pretty much purple, had to use like a pound of cover-up for work.
>Feel weird after that for a few weeks, but keep fucking until the sex becomes really infrequent and we decide to break it off 2 years later.

>>741517513
There's a 23 year old nigger on the basketball team at my college that fucks 14-15yo white girls exclusively and no one says a thing. Should be lynched like the good ol days.

>>741513270
>male friends never play with each others cocks
I have, when I was about 10, we never spoke of it again

>part of a group of mixed male and female friends in my early teens
>we would all hang out together at this one girls house
>her parents were cool with coed sleepovers and left us alone
>we would all sleep down in their large living room on the floor with blankets every few weekends
>one night I was on a roll being funny and everyone was laughing their asses off at what I was saying
>one of the girls that I had a crush on seemed particularily to be enjoying me
>she stuck close all night, sitting next to me, holding my arm, etc
>it gets late and we all bed down on the floor
>lights out all is quiet
>there is a street light shining in the window and I can see she is looking at me
>we lay looking at each other and I am feeling flushed
>I slide closer to her and she flips her blanket up to let me under
>I put my hands up under her shirt and feel her warm skin
>we kiss a bit but it is too loud so we stop
>I slide my hand down into her pajama bottoms and begin to rub her crotch through her panties
>she seems torn between squeezing her thighs together to stop me and spreading them to help m e
>she spreads em
>I put my hand down into her panties proper and start rubbing her pussy
>it is wet and unshaven
>she keeps shivering and wincing as I run my fingers up and down between her lips
>there is a noise upstairs and we freak out thinking its her parents
>we move apart and are too scared to start again
>I roll over and sniff my wet fingers cause its supposed to smell arousing
>it stanks bad
>I am disgusted and want to get it off but I dont want to go to the washroom because I am still rock hard
>my friend was sleeping with his back to me snoring
>so I wiped her pussy juice on his back and went to sleep
>we dated later on and were each others first

>>741518841
Anyone in college fucking a high school kid should feel like a piece of shit. That shit is creepy. Same reason I wouldn't want to fuck a college age kid now, after a certain point anything going on at that point in someone's life seems childish because they aren't really people yet. Hell, the brain doesn't even stop developing till you're 25.

>>741518850
I am speaking from my own limited experience as a female. My brother said he compared dicks with the neighbor kid when they were like 10 so there you go

Went to Catholic church. Found a sperm-soaked leaflet. Put it in my pocket.

>>741519566
>Hell, the brain doesn't even stop developing till you're 25

As true as this is they ain't thinking with their brain. Society frowns on such things now but for most of history young pussy has been the most desirable. I agree that its wrong but it doesn't surprise me at all that it is fairly common

>>741519792
Was laying on a pew at a Catholic church covered in sperm minding my own business when someone came along and put me in their pocket.

>>741518504
Ironically, the more time that passes the more porn will feature people that have died. You are just ahead of your time ;)

>>741519792
>>741520046
>>741503371
took me a minute but i lost

>>741513270
Yes and no, depends on how good of friends the guys are and what kind of people they are. I had a friend in high school who was super competitive (so am I) and at that time there was something called "the nervous game" where 2 guys would put a hand on each others abs/knees whatever, and start taking turns moving their hands closer and closer to each others cocks. if you pulled away to early. whoever pulled away early would be called a pussy, which pretty much always happened. It was essentially gay chicken. but one time we got to a point where neither of us would give up and we were both just grabbing each others cocks through our boxers. It was pretty gay, but I respect the hell out of that guy to this day.

>>741520354
>gay chicken
that made me laugh

This kind of supports my observation though about men not being as open to this sort of thing as women are given that for the situation your describe to happen you had to play a game where men forced themselves to touch someone elses junk and the fact that you and your friend actually went that far is considered outstanding.

All that said, I would have no problem watching guys grab each others cocks while I drank my beer

>>741519931
It was totally fair game in earlier society, and I will even agree that it was the right thing to do at the time. But we live in an age of information where older people are generally so much more well informed then those of a younger generation that for one age group to fuck another is a step removed from bestiality. Kids and even college kids don't understand the full scope of what they are doing. They are slaves to libido.

>be me, warm sperm
>hanging out in ballsack
>splooged out onto church leaflet
>left on pew to contemplate my existence

>>741520354
that's pretty hot, did you ever do more than just grab?

>>741515800
Lost. Thank you anon. Haven't laughed so hard I pissed myself in a long time. BRAVO

I remember being so desperately horny as a young teen that I made a horrible Frankenstein of a pocket pussy out of foam rubber, corn starch, and baby oil. Which I held on the edge of the kitchen counter and fucked while my parents were at the grocery store. The dog came in to see what the hell was going on and stared at me whining the entire time. The pussy had completely disintegrated by the time I was done, chunks and ooze everywhere, and there was a grease stain left on the counter even after I wiped it all up as best I could. I was so grossed out with myself that I had trouble sleeping that night.

The funny thing is that I had planned that all as a special treat for myself. Hurray.

>>741520866
>They are slaves to libido.

this

>>741520702
I think one thing you should take into account is that men are more driven by physical needs, its how they show affection and vulnerability to a much larger extent. For women it matters less because intimacy has more to do with emotional and mental connection. Touching another woman friends breasts comes with a lot less inherit intimacy then a guy touches another guys dick, especially with all the psychological mind games guys play on each other and themselves with how focused they are on dick size/homosexual thoughts.

>>741516047
Wait was her name Lacey ??

>>741521485
Thats a good point. I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess women have a tendency to write off men noting showing affection each other as them being immature emotionally. They don't appreciate the loaded conditions for two men doing so as it is so easy for women to do it

>>741521108
Nah, he was a friend, there was literally no attraction there. it was just like every other board game we played. There was a girl in high school who would greet me and all my friends my grabbing us on the ass and one time on the dick, and that came with a whole tornado of teenage emotions. but thats my point, it was different.

>>741521577
Nah it was someone named Mel, that is as much detail as I'll go into tho

I remember a long time ago seeing a news story about a teenager charged because he was caught fucking a chain link fence in public.

I bet that would be his most perverted story.

>>741518841
Then say something

Reading all these stories it occurs to me that humans will basically fuck anything given enough time. If we even meet other alien races they better be ready for a plowing.

>>741517001
To be fair it can be hard to work up the courage to try it if you're with a girl who's already said she's not into ass play.

>>741522139
Hell yeah keepin it 100 famburger

>>741522010
There are a bunch of fucked up stories like that in the Darwin Awards, best one I can think of is of a couple who were fucking on a hill outside in a storm and got struck by lightning. They fused at the privates and I'm pretty sure the girl died. I troupe of girl scouts found them the day after on a hike.

>>741498662
I've recorded 3 ex gfs getting their vag licked by dogs

>meet girl online in game community
>get to be friends
>she decides she wants to meet in person
>meet in a city between us
>get a hotel room with two beds, never talk about hooking up
>meet at airport, hi anonette, hi anon
>go back to hotel to drop bags off and go explore the city
>her: I'm a bit tired from traveling. Lets chill here a bit
>ok
>needless to say we never left the room
>I fucked her mouth, her pussy, and her ass in the next 24 hours, and did it in the shower the next morning
>I've never been the type that would do something like that but when the pussy is willing who am I to say no

>>741522139
There he goes, homeboy fucked a martian once
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYKLuSKW4ao

>>741501495
Those stupid toy safes (I believe the same ones you find in hotel rooms) have a hole in the back of them where you can stick something long to touch the door and it opens up.

>>741522455
I remember that one. There was also an honorable mention about a couple that decided to kill themselves. They asked a medical school friend to get them pills, but he knew what was going on and gave them laxatives instead. They locked themselves in his dorm room, somehow disabled the lock, then took the pills and made love one last time. Instead of dying they both had massive diarrhea, couldn't leave the room, and spend the weekend in opposite corners squatting over piles of feces trying not to look at each other. When campus security forced the door the scene was horrendous. The couple strangely weren't that in love anymore and went their separate ways

>>741522496
How old were they?

>>741522550
Fucking in the shower is so overrated, I mean its worth doing once just to do it once, but the heights differences and angles never work out right.

>>741522892
18, 18 and 19

>>741514313
Its been a meme for 15 years now underage faggot.

>>741522913
I agree. Did it a few times for novelty and now never do it. She laughs at the idea if I suggest it

Only 13 so i haven't that many chances to be really perverted so this is really weak but i've jacked to the a pictures of my crush multiple times to pictures of my crush.Even blew a load on my phone one time.

>>741522984
Is there something about your preferences that has you unknowingly dating chicks into bestiality?

>>741512574
Indeed.com

>>741523066
underage b&

>>741522996
Maybe he has a life outside of /b/ you raging aspie. You should try it sometime - you may find that 4chan isn't as important as you thought

>>741523105
Nah. First girl wasn't really in to it and I forced her. The other two I got lucky with I guess, they were easily convinced

OP here. I'm going to my night job now. Thanks for the fun anons!

>>741522984
While the taboo element of that is kinda hot, I can't imagine doing that with a dog I care about, closest I've done to that is fucking a girl while she wore my dogs collar/leash, and honestly I would have just bought a fresh collar and leash if it hadn't been so spontaneous.

>>741523241
Oh shit i took it to mean that you had 3 gfs that admitted to you that they had let dogs lick their cooch rather than you got them to do it

>>741502029
top tier reply

>>741523309
It's want my dog any of the times.
>>741523380
Nah, it was me taking to then about it which prompted then to try it

>>741523532
Fuck autocorrect

>>741523309
>caring about a dog
>not wanting to get him some action
what are you gay?

>>741523603
I just took him to a breeder and let him fuck his nuts off m8.

>>741516047
Did she get prego?

>>741523750
Not that I know of, and if she did she terminated that shit. I still have her as a friend on normiebook and she's as fine as ever.

>>741498662
I like to take stimulants and get really high and masturbate for long sessions, sometimes as long as 12 hours at a time. The lingering effects of the stimulants can keep me fapping pretty frequently for a few days after as well, and often times when I have one of these sessions I tend to crave another within a week or two, leading to some amphetamine-weed-fapping benders.

I don't do anything too crazy while I'm seshing, no ass play or anything like that. I mean I have a collection of fetish shit but its mainly to look at and touch. Sometimes I like to pinch my balls when I'm climaxing though.

Honestly you haven't lived until you've been all amphed out and stoned and fapped for 8 hours straight as you cataloged fetishes you didn't know you had and ejaculated roughly four times throughout. That feeling as you finally crash at 9 in the morning, your fappin arm sore as fuck and your dopamine-addled brain too drained to think, is indescribable.

>>741522496
If anyone wants screenshots add JonesyBx on kik

>>741503630
Your sister probably "cleaned" it up

>>741505795
that happened.jpg

>>741507923
and everyone walked the dinosaur

>Worked at a deli shop

>Toilet was clogged in womens bathroom

>Go out of womens bathroom to maintinence room for plunger

>All the sudden super hot blonde chick bursts into the backroom to use the womens bathroom

>Amazing ass and tits

>Didnt have time to tell her the shitter's clogged

>Go in mens room to wait for her to be done shitting

>I heard clanging of the handle and her opening the upper deck

>She quickly leaves the restroom shamefully

>I get in there and see a monster log and got rock hard over the smell.

>Quickly lock the door and take her shit out of the bowl and begin sucking on it

>Masturbate while sucking her shit and blow the biggest load in my life

What the hell is wrong with me?

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>>741524581
did you wash your hands afterwards?

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I always thought my friends girlfriend was hot, so...

>Friend invites me out
>Says we need to pick up his girlfriend
>Drive to her house and come in
>She's in the middle of showering
>Suddenly have to take a huge shit
>Her mom says I can use the upstairs bathroom
>Idea pops into my head
>Find plastic bag in linen closet
>Put it inside the toilet and shit all over it
>Take plastic bag out of toilet and tie it shut
>Sneak into my friend's girlfriend's room
>Slide it deep under her bed
>Jerk it knowing she's sleeping right above my steamy greasy shit

It has been almost a full month and she STILL hasn't found the bag of shit under her bed, still turns me on that the only thing separating her from my backed up shit is a tiny bed mattress.

>>741515800
Oh god I'm dying how are you so fucking funny that made no sense jesus fuck

>>741524891
how would you know if she found it? did you write your name on it?

>>741524581
How did it taste?

>>741524891
She would of said something to someone, she can never keep her mouth shut, she would of told her boyfriend and the boyfriend would of told me, I am positive it's still there.

I got a couple:

>be me, 15 m in high school
> drunk at a house party and super Horney
> strike out with hot chick due to being so drunk
> random butterface chick was even drinker than I was
> offer to walk her home
> convince her that she was flirting with me all night and promised me a blowjob if I got her home
> she agrees and she sucks me off in a park
> I get her top off and suck her tits while she jerks me untill I cum
> realise what I've done and get her home quick
> she stalked me for ages looking for a relationship
> nice tits butterface was pretty bad


Story 2:
>be me , about 20
> hanging out friends house
> he goes to bed, I stay up with Xbox
> hear his mom go for a shower
> know I can get a look from back yard
> go and beat my dick to his plump big fake fitted milf
> cum buckets and make a noise
> she saw me and got pretty mad
> I admit it to her and say some bullshit about her being so beautiful, the woman of my fantasy etc
> she gets flattered and drops the attitude
> but never showers when I visit again.

>>741522913
Agreed. Best shower sex I've had was basically not preventative and more focused around making out