>ran backwards full speed at toilet >Attempted maximum

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Here's my timestamp... Pls halp... I'm freaking out and the smell is gonna start leaking out soon

No one cares. Go away.

>>741058063
start eating

Just casually peak your head out of the door and ask for another roll of toilet paper.
Fuck it's not that hard anon

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>No more fucking toilet paper.... >I can't leave the bathroom
>Need to clean this
>Shit everywhere all over me

How2Clean

>>741058245
this

>>741058278
pick the shit with your hand there is no option

>>741058130
Lol why did you make the timestamp with shit

use your hands as makeshift toilet paper, basically clean the shit with your hands and wash afterwards

>>741058278
pisck the shit and throw it, but wash your hand every time you do it .

>>741058278
Perfectly good rug right there OP

How the fuck did you miss if you're fucking sitting down

>>741058278
first of all, there is toilet paper. second, you could leave it like that. if someone sees the poop date, they will think only an autistic could have done that, so youre in the clear, unless you are autistic of course...

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^Because I didn't have a pen and I'm kinda stuck in here, anon..

Okay, I managed to full speed Sprint into the kitchen and back to get paper towels to clean this.. when they went out on the porch... I wasn't spotted yet, I still have shit on my legs and arms...

>FUCKING STAINED THE SEAT
>IT WONT COME OUT
>PERMENANT SHIT TIMESTAMP ON CRUSHES TOILET

I'm ruined......

>>741058278
Lmao, you already touched the shit, just continue with your hands.

Eat it op

>>741058541
try to pull out the the paper

>>741058541
I'm dying

>>741058541
>>PERMENANT SHIT TIMESTAMP ON CRUSHES TOILET
kek

>>741058541
oh shit i just re read original post. YOURE IN SOMEONES HOUSE!?!?! dude oh NO!!!!

>>741058541
>PERMENANT SHIT TIMESTAMP ON CRUSHES TOILET
Fucking hell I can't breath.

Lick your fingers and use the saliva to clean

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>>741058493
Because like I said, I was doing a backwards hop/run to maximize velocity. I wasn't sitting, I tried to do like, a jump and land as the shit flies out. I missed.


Okay, not only did I stain the seat, but now the toilet paper I cleaned everything with clogged the toilet....

IM
SO
F U C C D
U
C
C
D

>>741058063
it's simple, just need to get more toilet paper. Shit is not that hard to clean.

>>741058652
I can imagine anon saying this with a completely straight face in a crowded room

>>741058676
>I tried to do like, a jump and land as the shit flies out
I swear to God, you only see autistic moments like this in anime.

Why. Why would you do a running backwards jump to the shitter? This is some hardcore autism. Wet the paper towels to clean the shitstamp

>>741058676
JUST PULL THE PAPER AND İT WİLL FLUSH...

>>741058676
drink the toilet water, only option

>>741058676
this dudes luck is insane

>>741058676
what made you want to do this at your crushes house. do you have the autisms

>>741058800
and 4chan, dipshit

>>741058857
was probably drunk with euphoria

Dirty sanchez moustache now

>>741058541
wait why is it on your arms and legs? this was not explained previously

>>741058676
>Stained toiletbowl with shit timestanp
Kek

>>741058857
> crushes house
Holy shit I didn't see that in the post OP made, he's dead as fuck.

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>>741058130
Nigga timestamped with HIS FECES

>>741058676
Backward hop ?
What are you a half life 2 speedrunner ?

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What the shit is going on in here

>>741058466
this

>anon are you ok?
>you've been in there for over 20 minutes, me and chad were wondering when you were going to leave

>>741059080
what the fuck is this.

>>741058466
>>741058471
i cant believe op hasnt been able to think about this

>>741059080
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EAT

>>741059111
ha

YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND, IVE BEEN SCRUBBING AS HARD AS I FUCKING CAN FOR FIVE MINUTES AND THE SHIT IS LITERALLY LAZER BURNED INTO THE SEAT

I don't fucking know, I was just in a really good mood and wanted to try some cool shit... Like, I dominated the fuck out of this chicks toilet so if I ever fucked her some day, I'd have the satisfaction of fucking her and her toilet harder than anyone... I just wasn't expecting to be covered in shit, clogging her toilet and engraving a shit date and time into her seat....

There goes my plans...

>>741059181
u got pics of the girl?

>>741059181
I think you might actually be the most autistic person to ever come to this board
Congratulations

>THE SHIT IS LITERALLY LAZER BURNED INTO THE SEAT

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>>741059160

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Someone please screencap all of this and include me in it. 553

>>741058414
Foreal.

I wanna help you OP but if you are already fingerpainting with shit I don't have a lot of advice for you.

>>741058981
By trying to clean it and not having anything but my body... I need my hands for communication so... All I had was my fore arms and calves

>>741059181
Cup your hand
Scoop toilet bowl water
Pour on shitstamp
Use extreme friction

>>741059181
well, you definitely fucked that toilet good

>>741058676
How long have you been in there op? Has anyone noticed you've been gone for so long?

>YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT

>>741058541
uh. . .don't flush paper towels

>goes to girls house
>"i better shit like a fucking ape so I can tell 4chan about how I took an alpha shit at this chicks house"
>plans fail
>poo everywhere

good thread op

>>741059181
>I dominated the fuck out of this chicks toilet so if I ever fucked her some day, I'd have the satisfaction of fucking her and her toilet harder than anyone...

Nigga wat

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>runs backwards while taking a shit
>shits on toilet seat
>writes timestamp in shit
>timestamp is stained
Holy kek this thread is puting my sides into orbit.

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>>741058541

>>741059111

You're not exaggerating... I hear them talking about me and making jokes about constipation and shit... I'm scared to leave... I can't unclog this shit


Should I shove my hand down there and use it as a plunger?...

>>741059252
please go away

>>741059394
yes

>>741058414
well what else is he gunna make it with, dumbass

Now this is the way to wake up in the morning

>>741059235
Can't share my identity... If I get caught I'll go ahead and share but I'm taking this to the grave if I can... Can't get doxxed just yet, anon... Pls..

>>741059394
You're in to deep

best course of action would be to take whats left of your feces and draw cave man drawing on the wall before exiting out the window and never returning

>>741059394
when in rome

>>741059444
Oh right I'm the dumb one, it's me, I'm the one who is dumb in this situation.

>>741059394
This is your home now

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Good job OP. Now I can die peacefully knowing someone fingerpainted a timestamp on a fucking toilwt seat.

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>>741058130
>timestamp with your own shit

>>741059394
>Should I shove my hand down there and use it as a plunger?
You got nothing to lose. Do it and post pics please, haven't laughed this for a long time

>>741058278
>timestamps with his shit
since you have a scat fetish just lick the holy shit

>>741059394
they really don't have a plunger?

>>741059508
Yes, you dumb dumb dummy dumb dumb.

at least this thread has been a good day for gets

>>741058676
This is why you autists need to stop with your strategic shit procedures. Just sit on the toilet and shit normally. Every autist I know has some weird shit procedure its fucking dumb

>>741059394
Little known fact, the human arm and a toilet plunger are practically the same thing.

>>741059545
Wait, YEAH! here's one right beside the toilet i completely missed! Thanks anon!!

what are you, retarded?

>>741059080
That's an alcoholic's shit right there

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Andy approves of your actions anon

Thanks OP. I really though today was gonna suck. I just laughed away my hangover.

>>741059276
you people have ruined the sanctity of screen caps >Thur durrr post me in scrinshat
fucking retards

>>741059613
says the fucking Scat Acrobat

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>>741058063
this is why trump was elected.

do you guys think we could get dog the bounty hunter in 2020?

>>741059291
It's easily been 25 minutes.... I finally unclogged the toilet with my hand using it like a cup but now I smell absolutely disgusting and there's still shit SEERED into the fucking seat
>8-4-17

After I use her soap and sink to clean my shit smelling body I need to either risk them finding the timestamp or try to hide it some how...

Haven't really thought about it but...OP's whole body will stink like a pajeet, you need to do something bout the stank

>>741059658
i don't drink, period

>>741059698
> scat acrobat
OP IS NOW KNOWN AS THE SCAT ACROBAT, SO LET IT BE WRITTEN

>>741059698
dont pull me into OP's dirty bathwater, im not op, and not autistic

>>741059252
>Think you might be the most autistic to come to this board.
.....how long have you been here?

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How creamy is it

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I've never seen autism levels this high before

>>741059758
why did you say >>741059613 if you weren't op?

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>>741059698 SCATROBAT

>>741059732
hide it, cover whole seat in shit, and it wont be visible.

>>741059814
its called talking in third person dipshit

>>741059732
gg, you done good OP, just run for it

SCREENCAP THIS THREAD

>>741059836
KEK

>>741059732
> try to hide it some how...
Tell them a nigger did it, your probaly white and your crush too, so she'll believe it, trust me, thots are dumb as fuck

>>741059864
please leave /b/

>>741059855
>I completely missed
>I
>third person

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>>741059698
>scat acrobat

I give up, OP. You are beyond redemption.

Just commit to a monastic permavirgin lifestyle.

Keep up that fingerpainting!

>>741059522
Kek

>>741059910
this

>>741059732
blame it on a nigger

This is fucking legendary

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You done goofed OP.

>>741059998
but you arent

>>741059924
give up, he is just beyond retardation

>>741058541
Holy fuck anon.

wait a second op what time is it wher you are? isnt it kind of early to be pooping

>>741060039
ok, kid

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>>741059538
Of course I couldn't take pics of the action and soak my phone but plunging it with my hand worked. I'm washed up now but the shit is still branded into the porcelain... I'm pretty fucked there...

I'm making them think I'm vomiting and not feeling good to bide my time, I still haven't left the bathroom since I ran through the house covered in my shit to get the paper towels..

>>741060124
>9998

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>>741059698
HOLY fuck

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this fucking thread

>>741060150
No household cleaners under the sink?

>>741060150
Ok dude, just bail now. Tell them you really aren't feeling well, and get your ass home and in the shower before someone notices the fact that you are covered in shit

Put me in the screencap. This is rich.

>>741060241
This, run OP

>>741058676
Stop it anon.
Your shitty antics are killing me
>ive literally got this vision on in my head of an autistic guy doing a run, hop, skip and a jump into the bathroom, finishing a with a lovely somersault and screaming "o shit"

>be op
>smear my shit all over my bathroom in order to impress /b/ and attempt to make funny thread
>end up looking like a chimp that plays with his own shit for the amusement of others

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>mfw this thread

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cao dusane

>>741060150
OP has ascended to Pajeet

>>741060150
Now rally! Go out there, prove yourself, and get a kiss from this chick!!!
With yo doody hand.

You seem to be in a pretty shitty predicament OP

>>741060258
Can't we get rid of people like you?

>>741060475
Never.

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>>741059698

I love this site

>>741060451
Get out

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UPDATE:

Yeah, plunging it worked perfectly. I kinda just stuck my hand up in there and grabbed out the paper towels clogging it up, shredded them and slowly flushed them as I was making throw up sounds.

No, there's no cleaning products, the sink doesn't have a cabinet or anything.. trust me, if I could've removed the stain I would have... She's got /b/ in her bathroom forever now.

I've done all I can do... I'm gonna take a few breaths and open the door and face the music...

Should I leave or try to play it cool?

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>>741060150
>Haven't left the bathroom since I ran through the house covered in my shit to get paper towels.
This just keeps getting better.

>>741059287
wat

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>>741060320
Don't be a party POOPER anon...

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>>741058130
You are a fucking legend OP. Shit timestamp is my new favorite thing. I laughing so hard rn.

Just for the good life here is solution. Remove toilet seat, wash in sink, put toilet seat back

>>741060567
Tell her you threw up on her toilet seat and couldn't get it out, ask her if she has any cleaning products and if she does then youll clean it.
or run out of the house full fucking speed and never return.

>>741060567
>try to play it cool?
I swear to God if OP manages to get out of this situation fine without anyone finding out he did it. Then OP, you deserve to be called the Lord of Finesse.

>>741058414
Lmmfao

>>741060695
that would be too normal for him
i think it would be better to run naked while screaming the jews did it

>>741059040
This made me laugh so fuckin hard
Thanks dude

>>741060320
Are you not entertained?

this is the reason why its still worth to go on /b/ sometimes

Op say you threw up on the seat and it wont come off and BUY HER A NEW ONE NOW

>>741060714
No. He should be the God and pioneer of scat acrobatics.

>>741060734
>run naked while screaming the jews did it
Roll.

>>741060567
Leave IMMEDIATELY you fucking retard.

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>DUDE if this girl I have a crush on here
so fake it hurts. kys

>>741060075
thanks bitch, or should i say, thank me!

>>741060788
winrar

>>741060567
It doesnt look to bad tbh

>>741060567
Just fucking run ffs

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What in the fuck OP?

>>741060788
He's not taking requests you dumb nigger

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>>741060567
Play it cool

>>741060781
Agreed

>>741060889
He's already fuccd, let us have more fun

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>>741060150
what is even going on

>>741058676
>Because like I said, I was doing a backwards hop/run to maximize velocity

My sides have left orbit. Can someone screencast this thread, I'm on my mobile.

>>741058063
Clean it up you dumbass

>>741060788
> jews did it
> 88
KEK

>>741060975
>screencast
What kind of ancient word is that

>>741061038
chrome cast

>>741061038
>screencast
Kekerino

>>741060788
WINRAR

>88

>>741060150
I can still see the shitstamp.
Everyones gonna wonder what the fuck you were doing in there for 45mins

>>741061114
>45mins
Lmao forgot about the time

>>741061114
He was finger painting.

>>741061163
I literally imagine him sat with a team of supervisors creating this amazing scatrobatitic shit routine.
>points knocked off for the splash

>>741060891
Poo it cool

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LISTEN HERE OP, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO TO THE SEWERS AND TRACE YOUR SHIT, GET IT BACK AND SMEAR IT ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE EITHER WAY YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD MATE. DEAD.

>>741059080
>go vegan they said

>>741061038
Like I said I'm on my mobile, autocorrect is a bitch

>>741060695
This

>>741061015
BOY WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT

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>visits crush's house
>spills massive spaghetti
>tries to play it cool by excusing himself to the restroom
>plays with poo instead

of course ur fokin white

>>741061503
shut up, scat acrobat you got yourself into this

Just get out and don't ever talk to them again. It's the only way, better luck next time op.

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this is what happens when you poo in the loo

i warned pajeet, but he wont listen

Is OP okay??

OP PLEASE RESPOND!

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So far so good. Crush doesn't suspect a thing, they're asking if I'm okay, offering me medicines etc...

I'm gonna wait until I get an opportunity and sneak back in there to cover up the timestamp stain. Wish me luck..

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You are all idiots.

Clearly this was staged with some type of chocolate in OP's house.

This thread was hilarious, but come on /b/ are you really going to believe that this is real?

OP, plumber Easy peasy. Tell people you're sick and going to. Store to get medicine. Come back with toilet seat. Flathead and Phillips head screwdriver and pipe wrench pliers. You can swap the seat out.

make sure it's an ELONGATED SEAT. And is same color. They have them at every hardware store. Just hide it in your shirt and then the shit stained one. It might look weird but that's the best advice I can give.

>>741061721
let us pretend :(

>>741061721
Chocolate from his crush's house that came out of his ass.

>>741061711
> I'm gonna wait until I get an opportunity and sneak back in there to cover up the timestamp stain.
Don't you ever return to that fucking toilet ever again, your gonna make it worse

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I often think about leaving /b/ for good, then a thread like this comes around and I'm reminded why I stay. I would hate to miss out on scat acrobat.

>>741061721
>come on /b/ are you gonna believe this
You obviously haven't seen the autism this board is capable of.

>>741061711
Further proof this was all staged.

Does it look like he is at a party?

No, it looks like he is sitting alone in his living room.

>>741061919
I was thinking the same thing anon. Almost makes it worth sifting through all of the trap and loli threads.

>>741061913
Yeah don't do that. You've come so far.

>>741061958
>Further proof this was all staged.
>Does it look like he is at a party?
>No, it looks like he is sitting alone in his living room.
Yeah you would know this by experience kek

Come ooon don't be so stingy who gives a fuck?

S C A T A C R O B A T

>>741061979
Totally I've been laughing for a solid half hour because of this thread.

>>741061958
Whatever dude troll or no troll this is one of the best threads in a while.

>>741062023
But do you seriously believe this thread to be real?

It was still hilarious, but look back at the original pics. That is clearly pudding or something, not poop.

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>>741061721

lol you're a fuckin idiot, bud. How the fuck could I even fake something like this? Look closer at my shit or something.

Also, if you knew me, you'd know I do stupid shit like jump slam my dumps into the loo. The only reason this is unusual is because I missed this time. I usually don't, this one had a lot more velocity than usual, maybe because the corn messed with the physics and density.


ANYWAYS. UPDATE:

I just told her a half truth. I said that I got a little throw up on the edge of the toilet and floor, she suggested I clean it with this.

IRONY IS, SHES HISPANIC

Gonna spicc span this shit in spicc spanns house, then do sum secks if I can get a shower after this horror show

Imma get skrubbin, I'll keep you posted

Someone archive this shit please. I haven't seen a thread this good in years.

come on even if real he can just say he threw up a bit on the toilet seat and ask for some cleaning supplies to clean it off and no one will suspect a thing

>>741062161
You seem to know a lot about poop... you're the only suspect thing about this thread

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Annnd shows over I guess. Thanks OP for golden thread.

S C A T A C R O B A T
C C
A A
T T

A A
C C
R R
O O
B B
A A
T T

>>741062145
I already said the thread was great regardless. But now that we have had a laugh, I legitimately wanted to know if you fags really believed this.

I thought it was fake from the first post and was surprised that no one had questioned it.

>>741062180
> SHES HISPANIC
Thicc?

>>741062161
I shit like that when im fucking my boipucci, have you ever had the runs?

>>741058063
>take off underwear
>wipe shit off in incremental segments
>rinse underwear in between spot cleans
>finalise with some form of soap from the bathroom
>rip underwear in half
>throw both pieces in and flush
>be completely clean when you come out of the bathroom
>protest your unhealthiness and plead your illness
>she will comfort you and eventually fuck you, even though you just shit all over her bathroom
>thank me l8r xx

>>741058063
Well arent you a shitty house guest

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>>741058063
>Clean it up with your hands then wash the shit off of them

Simple fix for this os to wipe it up with your hand rinse in sink and repeat until its all clean... seriously is it that hard to figure out?

>>741062180
>gets cleaning agent
Good for you!

>>741059181
>trying not to laugh in class

>>741062344
>>741062343
>>741062324
Welcome to the thread, you're bit late, can I show you around?

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>>741062410
>in class
Generation Zfags are the worse

>>741062180
You are trying way too hard now OP.

I commend you for a hilarious thread. Really, it was very well done.
But the attention and lulz are dying down.

Why not admit that you faked all of this?

>>741062343
Wow, do people just not read anything before they post?

>>741059333
I cannot stop laughing

>>741062529
delet nao

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Bruh plz like gtfo

>>741062279
We all knew it was fake but we humored OP so he would keep playing with his own shit like an autistic weeb.

>>741062990
Yeah we all know OP is just playing with shit in his own bathroom.

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AMAZING NEWS:

Spiccs spic and span with a scrub brush worked PERFECTLY.

It's a godsend. I got to destroy her toilet with my backwards shit shotput, clean it, have them care for me, and I'm completely in the clear.

For the record, those of you who are doubting me, you're fucking retarded. I couldn't fake that if I tried. If I did fake it, it wouldn't be worth whatever lols this had. This isn't a party, whoever thought that is obviously too lonely in life or something. It's me, my crush and her friend at her house. I've been on 4chan, numerous boards to fake a thread, I don't need to, and this pales in comparison to 90% of the better threads that have passed through all the boards.

Either way, I'm in the clear. Thanks mein niggers, I'll hang around till the thread 404's, I'll screen cap and archive since it's been requested a few times.

Much appreciated for the advice. That really was a close call, my heart was pounding and I'm sure I still have hints of shit wafting off of me. I'm gonna try and finesse my way home, shower and come back to her house

>posts on /b/
>claims to have gf
Whatever you say OP. Top tier thread tho.

>>741059698
>scat acrobat


Fuck I'm dead
>someone please cap this epic bread

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>>741058130
A time stamp made out of shit omg im fucking dying.
Op clean the shit up with your hands and wash them wash up in the sink. And someone screencap this

my fucking sides, i wished my phone wasn't a bitch so i could post a reaction image, regardless, i want to be on the screencap

>>741063202
Yeah I bet you totally just sat in the bathroom for 1.5 hours while no one noticed. How bout you time stamp said gf and friend then we might believe you're anything other than another autistic weeb playing with his own shit.

Thanks for the lulz retard.

>>741063193
Id love to see his mother's reaction when she has to clean up his bathroom.

>>741063488
Read the fucking thread faggot. I'm not getting doxxed before I'm stomping her heehaw with my noodle.

I said I'd deliver if I was caught and had nothing to lose.

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>>741060788

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>>741063202
Aww damn i would give you a hug, but you must smell of shit and cleaning agent. Mr... Scat abrobat...?

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>>741059287
What.

We're all in hell aren't we.

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being on the recieving end of this. so many autists liked his hurtful crappy joke.

>>741058493
>my sides

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>>741058063
TOP K E K

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>>741063658
Awww c'mon bb don't be afraid of a little musk, get in here, it's time to celebrate autistic wins

>>741063202
> with crush and her friend
POST THEIR FACES

Can someone screencap this thread?
For posterity, since this has been the funniest thing in /b/ in a while.

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>>741058130
Shitstamp... my fucking sides are coming apart

>>741059274
For fucks sake, did anyone ask them if they're a nigger and drink shitloads of grape soda? It's just food dye.

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>>741063202
THE LORD OF FINESSE HAS BEEN BORN, ALL HEIL LORD FINESSE

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Here you fkn go

>>741063202
Post screencap please pls

>>741059287
hoooly fuck

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>>741063743

Somehow you got called scat acrobat and it became my callsign

I'll accept the title if you dub me, man huehuehue

Someone should make a discord server and call it scat acrobat olympics

>>741064163
You're famous now. How it feels to be one of the choosen?

>>741063974
Wtf lmao

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>>741063985
No.

I covered all of my stains and tracks I'm not retarded. It's not hard to dox a face.

>>741064128
FUCK IM NOT IN IT

>>741064315
Lesbians are weird.

>>741064315
Creepshot their feet or some shit

>>741064315
> I'm not retarded
>shit timestamp in the crushes house

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>>741064344
>download the pic
>put yourself in it
>???
>enjoy ?

>>741064344
>>741064344
why would you want to be!?

>>741059276
Fuck this guy screencap me

SUB TO "OFFENSIVEPHENOMENA"

>>741060150
>brown under finger nails

Also

>make my crush think I'm vomiting

That'll work, she's gonna really fancy you

>>741063202
>couldn't fake that if I tried
Essentially an admission that you did in fact fake it.
One could easily fake this thread.

You are creative and funny OP, but enough is enough. You are just coming off as pathetic now. You are making it clear that you were alone and craving attention.

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>>741058130
I fucking love you anon

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>>741058541
Omg screen capping thread of 2017 anon. My sides

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>>741064253
It's not the first time. Probably not the last.

Just lurk, and when you have real life situations worthy of OC, contriboot.

For example, my best friend is spiderbro. Should be archived somewhere.

He found a brown recluse and stuck it in his urethera, and yeah it was legit and everything.

Whenever you're doing extremely stupid shit, just keep your anonimity and document it, become part of the chemotherapy and don't give up on the site. And frequent all boards, not just /b/

>>741064315
>I'm not retard
>claims to have ran ass first towards a toilet in his crush's house and spurted put a drunkard's shit

Pick one OP

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>>741064344
You still have a chance
>>741064462
Ur welcome

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>>741058063
saved

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good thread anon!

>>741064668 screencap the one below pls
>>741059910

>>741064531
>coming off as pathetic now
>now
Noooo, didn't he already look retarded when he tried shitting in the toilet with a high velocity but failed?

>>741064569
This. Even /r9gay/ sometimes has some good greenext storries.

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I hope you have better poos in the future mr Scatacrobat.

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>>741064377
Can't take any risks of her getting creeped out by me. Remember, I'm still trying to work my way into that, I have to be normal and today's events are already Rocky. I've still got good chances so here's an anon photo of her with her family. She's in blue

>>741064833
Good point. Also before he claimed that shitting in the toilet like that would somehow further assert his dominance once he fucked her.

Clearly fake. He acted so much more retarded early on in the thread and now is acting like he is just a rational guy who made a, unfakeable!!, mistake and we are retarded to question it.

>>741058251
This

>>741065006
>posts family picture of his mom
Yep that's my gf guys.