Since the other one is away tonight, I thought I'd take

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>>740798694
>Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? And why?

I'm settling because I can't do any better, of course.

right now, settling. I've spent time helping people in my life rather than focusing on myself, mostly.

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>>740798694
Evenin'

I'm doing my best to do what I believe in, despite severe difficulties.

I do it because not only do I want to improve to make myself better, but so I can improve to help others as well.

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>>740798694
Sup, op

>>740798987
*slides a beer down your way.*
You're preachin' to the choir, man.

>>740798694
I'm not doing anything, only what I have to do, therefore I think I'm settling with what I have to do

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At first I was doing what I believed in. Eventually I just started settling. Life happened way too unpredictably my best friend died and then my girlfriend commuted suicide awhile back. It's getting better but who knows I'm just in it for the ride now.

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>>740798978
Why can't you do any better? is it you that thinks that? or is it something physical?

>>740798987
Maybe it's time to focus on you instead, Sometimes being selfish is a good thing.

>>740799225
That's a good thing to do. What difficulties are there?

>>740799547
That sounds about right, but What do you want to do? And what's stopping you from doing it?

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>>740799615
>Why can't you do any better? is it you that thinks that? or is it something physical?

There's no way out, no option I can take to do any better.

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>>740799720
There's always a way to improve.

>>740799559
What made you start settling?
I'm sorry to hear about your losses.

>>740800029
What about you?

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>>740800400
This thread isn't about me, It's about you.

>>740800454
I'm not special enough to be cursed, You've got the wrong guy.

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>>740800795
I SHALL CURSE WHOEVER I WISH TO CURSE FOOL!

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>>740799615
Sorry, I can't really talk about the difficulties now...

But I can answer some other questions you might have.

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>>740800898
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

>>740800795
Ya expect other people to answer questions you won't?

>>740799615
>That sounds about right, but What do you want to do? And what's stopping you from doîng it?

What I want to do? I guess you could sum it up as "adventuring". Do stuff, go places...

What stops me is probably myself ... I just don't have the motivation, or maybe I don't want to have it because life is too comfortable as it is now.

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>>740801049
Hmm... One piece of advice, huh.

I think it would be that as bad as life might get, always do your best to keep going.

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>>740801049
Stay away from tobacco.

>>740801248
I might have to correct myself here:
I'm lacking motivation most of the time, but there are moments where I do something I want to do and then there is no stopping me. But these moments are very rare

>>740799615
never been a fan of being selfish. I can work on myself whenever I want, but when others need help, it's not something you can delay.

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>>740801322
>>740801545
Why did you choose these above anything else you could have said?

>>740801214
You win, I'll answer it.

I'm doing what I believe in currently, I am enjoying the things I do, and the place I work. I was discontent and settling at one point recently, but No longer.

>>740801248
>>740801701
Why can't you extend those moments and apply them to bigger plans? Is there something that stops you?

>>740802151
There's a time and place to be Selfish, of course if someone needs your help, you should help them. But if it comes to the point where you are negatively affecting yourself at the sake of others, it might be time to focus on yourself.

>>740802306
That's a good rabbit.

Where's 2B?

Evening Velvet. Kinda late.

But to answer the question. Yes. I am doing what I believe in. But I am kinda ashamed that that I can only do this much, and not more.

-*EMT

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>>740802459
Commander 2B's away, I'm the only one here.

>>740802534
So you are settling for what you can do, instead of Doing what you want?

>>740802647
Any idea when she'll be back?

>>740798694
>Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? And why?
I'm hardly doing anything at all, depression has lost me every job/education I have ever had. I am drowning in debt and will be homeless next month at this rate. I do have a guitar and that is my real passion, so yes I get to do that but I don't make any money from it, mostly out of fear of rejection. Also I have actually made a living playing music but it got to be a chore and I didn't enjoy it anymore. Not many people appreciate art they just want to hear the songs they know and fill their bellies full of beers.

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>>740802306
Mm, well I picked that because as someone who's been through a lot, I think it's important to not give up, as much as I wanted to at times.

>>740802804
Are you me? Jesus Christ.

>>740802306

>Why can't you extend those moments and apply them to bigger plans? Is there something that stops you?

I don't actually know. If I'd have to guess I'd say it's the sheer amount of negativity that exists in my life.

>>740802647
Its kinda like half way. I want to be more involved politically, (Organizing and the like) But I am doing what I can.

-EMT

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>>740798694
Hey im debating on another sexdoll or buying a new phone.

On one hand, after damn near daily use and having to solder it together a few times my sexdoll's vagina is falling out little bits at a time and no longer squeezes my cock like it used too. Have so many god damn touhou, video game and anime outfits for it.

But my Galaxy s3 is showing its age between scratches, battery life, etc. and bestbuy has galaxy s8pluses for like 500 dollars

I can get one now, and the other has to wait till around christmas when bonuses/dividends hit.

help?

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>>740798694
I got banned from alices chat for making a tinfoil hat relation to illuminati.

>>740802884
I'm sorry to hear that anon

>>740803039
literally who
should anyone give a shit other than you

>>740803039
fuck off ika

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>>740802306
It was simply the first thing that came to mind.

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Alice was unhappy with me when she found out I think fags should get shot/sent for mental help. I don't understand why I hold her approval so high. I don't know why I care either.

>>740798694
why are you such a nigger faggot?

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>>740802748
Am I not good enough?
And unfortunately, no, I'm not sure when she will be.

>>740802804
Why did you lose interest in playing music?

>>740802830
It's a good answer, Not one I'd have chosen, but a good answer nonetheless.

>>740802925
Why do you let the Negativity affect you in such a manner?

>>740802937
What stops you from being more involved?

>>740802997
The phone would be better.

>>740803039
I am not associated with Alice.

>>740803182
I wanted a well thought out answer, not the first thing you could think of.

>>740803331
that's kind of odd, faggots should kill themselvesves

>>740798694
no, i can see that i need change in my life otherwice i might do something stupid

>>740803346
Not really, no, it feels like a cheap knockoff thread.

>>740803346
Mostly that alot of the organizing is either down 30 miles west in NYC, or out east. Nothing local really.

I am kinda involved a little bit with is LSC for the DSA. But thats it...

I believe in myself, what I see, hear and breathe. What's tangible, and what my results are. To me, the ends always justify my means. And currently I'm pursuing a career and I'm trying to get a girl. And I'm going to do what I feel is necessary to achieve those things.

>>740803529
err.. Should sign.

-EMT

>>740798694
>The other one
Who?

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>>740803509
I see.

I'll take my leave then.

Have a nice night.

>>740803561
Long time no see EMT. How has life been treating you.
I go by alot of names and faces I can't recall which one I used when talking to you.

>>740803626
Please stay

>>740798078
>Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? And why?

I don't want any fucking reward. I just wanted to say that I don't believe in anything. I've been alive 27 years, and in all those years, I have become just this empty, rotting, thing. I can't trust, I can't love. I don't want for things. I just want to be alone. All the time. Being around others physically and mentally drains me to the point that I want to die.

You can't help me. They can't help me. Are you glad I came? Me either. I'm glad we didn't have this talk.

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дa.

>>740803899
Do you have a reason for doing this? the lulz? to derail? why?

Help

This girl likes my company, we held hands for hours while talking and she invites me to do things together. Is she in love with me? Or she is too friendly and that's all?

>>740803697
Been fine mostly.

Wish I knew who I am talking too. Anything that may clue me in?

-EMT

>>740803346
>Why did you lose interest in playing music?
I didn't lose interest in it, it's the only thing that brings me joy but I lost interest in spending all my time finding gigs, talking to shady bar owners, talking to stupid band members of other bands, talking to "managers" who are just looking to take advantage of you not do anything for you and ask for a percentage of what you get. begging anybody that will listen to come to my shows(embarrassing on social media) dragging all my gear around, setting up in subpar conditions, playing to people who aren't listening, being told they aren't going to pay me for xy or z even though x and z are totally out of my control and I tried my damnedest on y. having to pay for the gas to get there and home.

I lost interest in the business of playing music, I love it though.

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>>740803967
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIvQvIEsHZM

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>>740804006
My most common and liked name.
MinCal

>>740803346

>Why do you let the Negativity affect you in Such a manner?

Mmm. I try to ignore all negativity. I just pretend it doesn't exist, but as you can imagine, that doesn't really work out. I basically use YouTube and Games to numb myself in order to not think about it and maybe thats what causes me to not be motivated in the first place.
Why I let the negativity affect me so much? I think there is so much negativity in the world that there isn't really a way to not be affected by it, because the more you know, the darker it gets. And the more you think about it, the worse it becomes.

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>>740803509
of who? Vel's one of a kind.
>>740803985
the easiest way to get an answer is talking to her, anon.

>>740804103
I don't recall that name.

Do you recall the content of the past conversation?

-EMT

Settling. I'm too damn tired to fight in my life anymore. I tried to live. Now I am just surviving.

>>740804200
I work in the industry as well but in a different part of it. We were talking about the EMS field as a whole. I believe you also had brought up you and your gf were having issues. I can't recall if that were infact you though.

>>740804174
Jill?

>>740804317
livestream it

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>>740798694
Listen here cunt,

I hate my life, but I love my love.

I Have money, I have a family, I have an internship, I have college.

But man, do I still feel like garbage most of the time.

I'm becoming an engineer not because I enjoy it, I really don't enjoy anything. I'm doing it for financial security.

However, settling for financial stability ain't that fucking bad, so I can't really complain even though I want nothing more than to die.

>>740804370
livestream it too

>>740802997
Perhaps the lady now... Shipping something nice like that around winter and holiday times might end up with hectic shipping... And then you might have a holiday sale on an even better phone perhaps!

>>740804334
Eh, the thing from then was that I was considering becoming an EMT. But kinda put it on hold for the time being.

And I mentioned a girl I was good friends with, but never got with. She is the actual EMT

-EMT

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>>740804317
so, what beat you down to this point?, then?
>>740804353
yeah?

>>740798694
>Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? And why?
settling so that there's a possibility of me making friends
real me is boring as fuck to everyone, so I just change who I am around certain people, even if I don't like them/who I am around them because at least I have friends, right?

>>740804174

Any tip on how I should ask about it?

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>>740804405
Livestream what you nigger?

I'm not gonna do a fucking flip, I'm going to continue to sit at my computer until It's time to wake up in the morning and go to work like a functioning member of society

>>740804439
Oh yes. sorry. I am starting to confuse parts of irl with here.

>>740804419
oh shit I didnt even consider ice cold shipping.

fucking thanks.

succs guy

~he's such a bro

succs guy

~he'll bump your thread

>>740804481
No Va11halla thread?

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>>740804535
if your friends don't like you for who you are, and you don't like who you are around them, are they really that good of friends?
what makes you so boring, if you don't mind my asking?
>>740804567
tough question. I'd say wait until it feels like an appropriate topic, and ask what's going on between the two of you. maybe she doesn't mean to flirt as much as she is, maybe she thinks you're already unspokenly in a bit of a relationship. you just gotta be honest and open about it.
>>740804834
I was letting my friend do his thing tonight.

>>740798694
why havent you killed yourself yet fegget

>>740804405
Not going to an hero. Maybe I should have worded it better. I like being alive, I'm just surviving right now. Just doing the bare minimum to keep my mind from burning out.

>>740804481
I was thrusted from pure security to scraping bone and blood to keep what all I have. Working 80 plus hours a week, selling the valuables my father gave me before cancer took him. Paying back my debts. I did all that while "living" for four years. I went to concerts. Played shows. Hung out with friends before drugs took them. Helped people out.

Doing that, while surviving too, has burnt my mind out to where my wife breathing, sends me into an internal rage.

So I stopped going to shows. I stopped seeing people. I stopped giving. Just to focus on surviving, until I heal from whatever mental cancer is eating me.

>>740804028
>>740804906
plz respond

>>740798694
Well /b/ I'm having a beer that I bought on a whim after longboarding for the 4th day straight on a board I also bought on a whim. So what I do with my spare time is mine. But I'm chained to my job.

Finding a decent job is a job in itself. It's hard and crazy stressful. My current job sucks and bugs me at odd hours too. That's probably a job that I settled for but it's in my line of work so I can't complain.

What I can complain about is the fact that more or less globally culture says you have to work your ass of just to live, even though we'd be completely fine with most people working like 3 days a week.

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>>740798694

I thought I was doing what I believed in, but as it turned out...I don't know what I believe in. Right now, I'm trying to find out.

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>>740805245

>>740805261
why are you such a retarded faggot?

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>>740805308
?

>>740798694
Depends on what you are refering to.
Career-wise I think I'm doing what I can.
Romanticly I constantly fear losing her over actually trying to make a move.

>>740805261
Explain

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>>740805327

Genetics, I suppose.

Or perhaps it's a curse. The unwanted child who can never have true happiness for herself.

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>>740805061
I... think that's totally understandable. losing a family member's a bitch to deal with, and I'm so sorry that it happened. I think it's understandable to step back in that case, take some time for your wounds to heal, and find a way to bring a little happiness back to your life.
>>740804028
that's entirely valid, yeah. same reason I never did much live music, it wears down your love of the music itself over time.
>>740805327
they aren't.

>>740805537
>that's entirely valid
well fuck, should I 404 my life?

>>740805513
why havent you killed yourself yet?

>>740804906

Thanks

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Im going to go guys and gals. I got work tomorrow.
>>740798694
For what it's worth, whether you are here or not I doubt that you are, making the thread was a good choice. I just wished you stayed longer.
Thread may have been empty but I am glad that some people showed up.
>>740805537
Jill, always good to see you. Goodluck with the people here.
>>740805658
Thanks for the bumps /pol/ack
Goodnight anonymous.

>>740805513
I said explain

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>>740805647
I... didn't say anything like that. I think you need to take a step back, and fall back in love with playing and performing. sometimes it's necessary to take a breather.
>>740805684
no worries, it's why I'm here.
>>740805714
night, sweetheart.

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>>740805486

For as long as I can remember, I have served faithfully. I have been what other people wanted and needed me to be. I thought that that would be enough, that if I could make the world around me a brighter place, then I could live happily, and so I never paid any attention to my own needs.

Recently, I thought I had overcome that. I thought that I learned to be my own person, and that I was pursuing a career in nursing because I wanted to. The recent problems, however, made me reexamine why I wanted to be a nurse, and I came to realize that once again, I was doing what other people wanted, not me.

I don't know what I want to be in this life, and that terrifies me.

>>740805661

I have decided I'm going to freeze to death. When winter comes, I'll fall into a snowdrift and vanish.

>>740805846
You ever worry that maybe you are too relaxed? Sometimes I think I should be doing something with my life but I don't know what

>>740805537
It's funny in a macabre sort of way. It's been 4 years and I never grieved. I cried, drunk myself into sickness, lashed out, and relapsed, but I never truly grieved according to my doctor. Four years since I lost my old man and nothing to truly show other than working myself sick. Hell, I have a broken foot and I still work 12 hours a day on my feet. I shouldn't because it might heal wrong, but I do to provide shelter and food.

>>740805912
Why don't you start little by little? Whether its nursing or some other job, a decent salary won't hurt. That way you have more money for yourself, you could fulfill your needs and pamper yourself. Also nursing seems like a good fit. A natural caregiver

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>>740805912
there's... not a way to help you reconsider, is there?
>>740806033
I've felt that, yeah. you just have to find something to do, because even "doing nothing" with life is still doing something.
>>740806102
I mean, it's not healthy, but it's understandable. sometimes it feels easier to push emotions to the background and focus on moving forward. but it's just like your foot is, right now. you're not giving the wound time to heal, and that's just going to make it hurt a little more in the future.

>>740806391
I suppose so OP. But how does one truly grieve such a close and devastating event?

>>740805912
if i can find some rope i'll join you anon <3

>>740798694
Can i rape your ears?

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>>740806539
time, mostly. with it being four years out, the best I could suggest now would maybe be therapy. talk to your insurance and see if there are any local places they'd cover.

>>740805912
You still there?

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>>740806295

That's what everyone told me. I really thought I'd enjoy it, but...it was a pain. I think I want to do something more personal, if that makes sense.

>>740806391

Well, there's still four months. Miracles happen.

>>740806818
I am in therapy. They said I have a severe case of PTSD due to the process of watching him die. I've done medication. Reliving the night, writing a eulogy, going through good memories but nothing works.

>>740807029
Personal? Like what?

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>>740807029
then I'll keep you in my thoughts as long as I can, and hope that things change. I don't know how to help other than caring.
>>740807123
mm... I don't know, then. I'm not a professional and won't pretend to be one, just someone who cares. do you feel like there's something holding you back from moving on? something that you wish you would've, or could've done?

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>>740807293

I don't know. I want to work for someone, one person, not a company...it's stupid.

>>740807472

Well, maybe it won't snow until January.

>>740798694
I'll start doing what I believe in when I finish coasting and reveling in the afterglow of what we're beholden to per the grand scheme of things. When I no longer have the luxury of doing so. When my back is against the wall. When I must run.

Because it just seems the only thing to do.

>>740807472
A lot actually. Saying I'm sorry for pushing him away. Saying good bye. Saying I love you to him. A lot OP....

But I hate to cut this short but I have to go. Work calls in the morning. Thank you so much for letting me talk. It means a lot... Truly. Sleep well and don't stop doing what you believe in.

>>740807855
You mean no corporations? Or like a psychologist?

>>740807855
Don't do it. You'll feel better once you sort yourself out and choose a career.

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>>740807855
I meant your situation, not the weather forecast, but I'll take it.
>>740808080
the best I can suggest, then, is to go talk to him. it's... a little sill, and maybe you don't believe in an afterlife or something, but even just saying it might help.
and, yknow, if you do believe in an afterlife... then I'm sure he'll be able to hear you, and he'll be listening.
night, anon.

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>>740808088

Ha, can you imagine me, a psychologist? Blind leading the fucking blind.

>>740808182

That's what I keep thinking, but it never seems to happen

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>>740807472
Op I don't know if you have a penis or a vagoo but I'd appreciate your feedback. I honestly feel like killing myself sometimes because of the pressure of society.

I'm in my late 20s, I'm not a neckbeard just short. I've had relationships and I've had sexual relations with a few different girls.
Pretty much I feel so much pressure from my friends, my self conscious, and my family about the absent girlfriend in my life.

Too sum it all up a family friend told this girl about me. She's around my age, goes to school and likes to travel.
She works far away from where I live and her mother (who my family friend told her about me) isn't giving me much details.
All I know is where she works, but she didn't bother giving me her daughters number or having us meet.
I was told she was independent, so how should I approach this?
It's been about a month since since she was told about me, I was planning on driving down to her work to introduce myself.
I feel so confused, I have problems approaching random girls unless high off coke or Xanax.
Will she even give me a chance? It's been a month and I haven't made the first move. I feel so depressed thinking about this

>>740808393
Just try different stuff. You know? I chose to be an electrician because I hated office jobs. Some people choose to be truck drivers, plumbers, engineers, carpenters. Hell, even mexicans seem to be doing fine with their minimum wage jobs

>>740808450
Yeah Jill is very cool, wish she'd show up more

Is anybody else here?

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>>740808450
you're... not gonna know how it works until you get there, really. I will ask, though, what's the worst answer you're going to get? usually it's just non-interest as the worst-case. if you want to give it a shot, you gotta be a little bold and go for it, and accept that even the worst outcome isn't that bad.
>>740808772
I'm usually always around, but I wanted to let my good friend run things tonight. I'm just here letting things finish out.
thanks, though. it means a lot.

>>740808832
hi anon im lurkin

>>740809163
Hey, I'm empty inside, but I guess nobody cares anymore

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>>740809115
Sigh...your right I feel like deep down I'm frightened of the fact of commitment. Even worse opening up to another person and sharing my feelings.
I'm about to get some Xanax for my anxiety and give it a shot...
She works at a coffee shop, but is about 50 minutes away. You think it will be too much to ask her to lunch on her lunch break ? We haven't met before, only parents have talked about us to eachother. My plan was to first call the 2 coffee shops in her area to see which one she works and when.
Then just randomly go there and introduce myself.

I wish I could talk to you more in depth, I can't talk about this to my friends. They won't look at my different..but they won't respect me as they did before

>>740809604
Those are some nasty tits anon...

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>>740798694

Goodevening op. This is a two part answer. I believe in what I'm doing career wise to an extent. I've spent so much time fumbling about for a path that I've chosen a career and decided this is it. I've been out of highschool for a little over a year, and I'm ready to apply myself to the best of my abilities.

I have have mixed feeling when this question is applied romantically. There are times in which I feel complete happiness with my SO. However, I had a short lived relationship in highschool that was emotionally devistating to me. I felt as though that girl was the one. It was a love at first sight situation. We broke up because her sister is a whore and didnt want me finding out that she had been cheating on my best friend with another one of my friends. Her sister made her choose between me and her, and blood is blood. I understand her decision, but whenever I see her I brighten up and feel as though I'm missing out on the love of my life. Although I'm sure she has similar feelings I can't bring myself to ruin my current healthy relationship over it. I think of this far too often.

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>>740798694
>I'm here to probe your mind via questions.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

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>>740809382
I care about you, hon.
>>740809604
well, good luck. I think I'd hold off on asking her out for that day's lunch break, it's a little sudden. it's gonna be awkward to just meet someone and grab lunch with them right away. I'd try and nail down a time to talk or hang out, but later in the week.

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>>740808670

I only want one thing, to be honest. In my work. In my life.

I want to belong to someone

>>740810154
You mean like love? How's your love life?

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I drink to escape but I wonder where is the exit?
Or maybe I drink to try and not remember...?

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>>740810154
you do belong to someone. yourself. anything other than that would risk overdependence.
you gotta learn to be comfortable with the person you're with when you're alone, hon.