Mischief thread, I'll start >be me 8th grade end of

You should have walked off the very second you got finished.

Please someone post!

>>740410281
summer fag the thread

This one time in 5th grade I slapped my bully so hard he got a bruise. When the deans came I said I didn't know who did it. Then when they asked him who I did it he said someone slapped him from behind and didn't notice because he was scared I'd hit him again

>>740410738
my autistic self didn't think it would be a big deal

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Razorblocks will end soon

c'mon guise. post stories, I put time and effort into mine. Or post some sweet memes. top kek

>>740411317
op is a faggot

>>740411194
huh

>>740411369
this is true

>>740410281
>be me
>have a girlfriend who is a twin
>got confused one day
>ended up fucking the dad

>>740411492
Real stories only kek

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>>740410281
You have to be 18 to be on this site. It's one thing if you want to come look at the posts while you're still underage, but by posting you bring the overall quality of the site's discourse down notably.
Please leave, also please kill yourself.

>>740411647
are you retarded this means i was in 8th grade at the time

>>740410892
Bullies and misbehaving kids need a good slap.

Oh hey this must be patric kimpton from american heritage school in florida! hey buddy

I see trap hentai on the ads somebody help

moer stories guise. Memes. posts. EVERYTHING. I, OP command you

yeah guys as op said this was back in 8th grade... hes in 9th now chill out

>>740411908
thats where youre wrong kiddo

>Be me 8th grade
>me and my cousin decide we should do some grafitti
>steal spray paint from dad
>go to school and meet my cousin
>me being an autistic 12 year old decide itd be a good idea to paint a huge swastika on a wall
>think no one saw me do it
2 hours later
>be at store with cousin
>dude walks up to us
>phone number and name pls
>me:fuck off dude
>cops come
>they say im a potential threat to my country because of it
>12
>said theyd listen to my phonecalls and overall just watch me
>mfw im a potential terrorist at 12
sorry the greentext is shit but english isnt my 1st language so

Spotermun i Lugo spoturman I need pics of spotertkamian

oh shit

>>740412208
nice, meme faggot.

Be
.
Be

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Sorry patric kimpton this is now a spiderman thread

But i like swamp thing

>>740410892
Good work!

OP here, i've reported your spiderman spam to the janitors. But thanks for the free bumps.

As soon as a janitor comes in here and clears out your infraction posts, we'll be able to get this party going again. Top kek

>>740411647
Are you fucking retarded

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>>740411647
Speak for yourself. My mental age is like three. Because that's as high as I can count, mother-...wait, how does the rest of that insult go?

>>740412839
are you fucking retarded

>>740412946
No but your a dirty spammer. Read the rules kek kek kek

>>740413040
arent you also supposed to be over 18?

Rate http://i.4cdn.org/b/1501306040438.png

>>740413040
If you read the rules you would know saying you reported someone is against the rules ya goof

>>740413131
Yeaa yeaa, your just mad that you've been reported. Enjoy having your posting privileges provoked sir. TOP KEK!

> senior year
> get super in to weight lifting xause I used to be a fat fag and I wanna be a muscley fat fag
>bring preworkout everyday for me and weight lifting buddy
>decide to pull a prank and get a Viagra capsule and open it and pour in his pre workout.
> 45 minutes in I tell him it's time for cleans
> "a-anon, I cant. I don't know whats wrong but my dick is staying full mast"
>walks around with boner rest of the school day.

Post some greentext somebody. I'm starting to get bored *yawn*

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>>740413428
isnt telling people you reported them also against the rules?

>>740413767
But you need to show authority as the original poster. Take control of your thread. I'm sure the janitors will see things from my side of things.

>Be me
>Be in High School
>Broke my glasses the night before, super glued them to hold me over until I could get new ones.
>Took Super glue to school just in case
>Computer Lab time
>Teacher is waiting for the janitor to open the door, janitor doesn't come so teacher goes looking for him
>Give the glue to my friend,
>"Hey, put it in the lock"
>Janitor comes back puts in key but can't turn it.
>Huh, must be jammed or something
>Can't take key out.
>Did somebody mess with the door?
>Nobody speaks
>They had to remove the door and they opened the lock up to find the inside full of dried glue.
>Lock is ruined
>Investigation is done
>I keep my head down and mouth shut.
>Some fucking faggot ratted us out as being close to the door, narrowing it down to 5 of us.
>In class when asst. principal comes in names us. anon1, anon2, anon3 , anon 4 and anon5 grab your things, you're suspended unless you tell me who it was.
>All of us kept our mouth shut.
>Shrug, don't give a fuck and leave early that day.

How do ei grren text

>>740414114
Use this key before every line of text ">"
Look forward to reading your story buddy! KEK kek Kek

>>740414412
OP BUMP

Another bump from your faithful and loyal OP

bumpity bump

just another bump on the road

A kid on my bus tried to extort me for the return of my locker key. My locker was forced open earlier that day because I needed a book so the key was useless, but it was mine. So I took a frozen bottle of water from my bag, bashed it across his temple and took my key back. The principal found out and suggested meeting half way next time and fighting off school grounds. Faggot still has a scar from it.

>be me in 6th grade PE class
>a little early so I go to bathroom
>friends in bathroom getting toilet paper and wetting it in the sink, then throwing it on the ceiling so it sticks
>sick prank
>join them, having a grand time
>they throw tp bomb on the window between the locker room and bathroom, really obvious
>coach sees
>I get blamed

kek

>>740415577
What did your coach do?

>>740410281
post boipucci, anon

>>740415701
nothing really, just got a lecture and had to scrape it off

>be me
>Let's call me mcDoodle
>was in 3rd grade
>I'm playing around in class with a spinning top (just fumbling it on my hands )
>le teacher screams at me "macdoodle I can't believe you are playing in class
>le bitch steals my top
>after class I pretend to leave my bag
>my mom comes to pick me up, I say I forgot my bag "gtg mum"
>le teachers in my school wore coats so when I got to my classroom I went inside the coat pocket and took my top
>le me thinks he got away with it
>el next día the teacher screams at me asking me if I took the top back
>le I poker face and say no
>she screams at me for another 5 minutes asking for it
>le I breathe out strongly
>Le teacher gets mad at me and says I disrespected her and proceeds to tell me to stay out in the hall for that class period
>letting is like a week after I lost my top and cried
>never do drugs. Kekkkkk keke kek

>>740415868
Pretty easy then.

>>740416052
>le teacher
So I see... 9gag summerfag

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>Be me
>Age 11
>Mom owns a daycare
>I basically live in the daycare
>Brother bought these annoying ass chickens that would stay in a cage all day and never stop clucking.
>One day, on a holiday, I try to get some sleep, however, the chickens are louder than ever.
>I can hear them in every room.
>Pick up the nearest gumball and slingshot
>The loud noise of the gumball hitting the metal cage would scare the fuck out of the chickens and get them to shut the fuck up for a couple minutes.
>After about the third shot, I missed and hit the window and shattered it
>nofucksgiven.exe
>I close the blinds and wait until the next day when the daycare kids show up.
>I pinpoint the only kid who has a reputation for being a constant lier.
>Kid happens to be autistic.
>I open the blinds when everyone is in the backyard and wait for someone to notice the broken window
>Autistic retard is the first to notice the window and tells my dad
>Retard dad automatically assumes atistico broke the window.
>Autistic kid cant defend himself cuz compulsive liar.
>Autistic parents had to pay for the damages.
>I let an autist take the blame for breaking a window.

Hey, atleast I didn't get beat. c:

Heres another one from my days of autism in middle school

>be me 7th grade middle of year
>me and a friend (I'll call him bubba)
>theres this autistic kid in my grade that is addicted to pokemon and shit, regualar tard stuff
>bubba goes ahead and makes a fake account on instagram about him
>finds pictures of him from his dad's instagram and puts captions on them
>one of them was a picture of him sitting on santa's lap with a caption saying "for chwistmas i wished to not be autisitc"
>people thought it was actually him until they saw the captions
>whole grade talking about it
>bubba tells a bunch of people that it's him, and of course word gets out
>one morning while we were watching morning announcements, the staff says "will bubba, anon, stacy #1 and stacy #2 stay behind please
>ofc the stacys turned him in
>i had nothing to do with it but i was friends with him and i knew about it
>bubba crying his eyes out while im frantically deleting my group chats and photos making fun of him
>go to deans office
>bubba and i go into their office while they yell at bubba
>akward as fuck
>literally bullying bubba, not saying he didnt deserve it
>"do you feel strong bubba? why are you crying bubba youre strong for making fun of a tard!"
>bubba yells "SHUT UP" and cries harder than ive seen anyone cry
>they continue to go through his ipad for dirt on him
>find out he steals from publix
>find a text from him to some girl saying the deans are dickheads
>"you think we're dickheads? we're doing our fucking job!"
>"you guys are fucking dickheads!"
>more yelling, im just sitting there akwardly
>theyre listing all the rules hes broken, bragging about how hes getting expelled
>the tards PARENTS walk in
>bout to get spicy
>"YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON BUBBA" etc.
>they decide to finally move me out of the room
>sitting in office next to them, still hear yelling
>they finally release me and i go back to the hallways almost bursting in tears laughing
cont.

>>740416588
>go back to hallways and everyone is asking what happened
>"BUBBA GOT EXPELLED"
>kek
>never saw him again
>i never got in trouble but got got a front row seat for all of it

>>740416588
>7th grade
>Instagram
Afraid to enter highschool this year summer friend?

>>740417175
instagram has been around longer than that, friend

>>740416078
Definitely worth it

>be me in poverty countrie
>be me in 3rd grade
>i was walking with my brother after lunch since they gave us an hour break
>brother best friend comes along to tell us about this kid who is having and argument with him
>brother goes to see what's going on, I follow
> after some minutes of arguing guy who was having a problem with my brother's friend, dude decides to slap my brother
>no no bad idea
>my brother basically has him in a lock while punching him in the head
>broders friend stars kicking bully dude in the legs
>meanwhile I punch him in the stomach
>after five minutes we let him go
>Bully dude tells mom
>next day
>me my brother and his friend get called down to the main office
>im surprised to also see bully dude and his mom, next to my mom
>deans give us lecture about how it was not ok
>we shrug it off
>then bully mom looks at my group like we are fucking autismos
>my mom looks at bully mom and explains to her how her look was not alright

Moral is to always beat up people if you leave in poverty country

ok, I've got one
>around 5th grade
>friends with my neighbor, I call him jr
>we're fucking around outside, playing with sticks like they're swords and shit
>go down the alley behind his house to find some better sticks
>jr finds a magazine on the ground
>"Check this out, it's got naked girls in it!"
>it was a catalogue for a porn by mail, full of dilapidated pussies and bare chests
>I had the chance to look up porn on the family computer once, but i wasn't prepared for all that was in there
>plan instantly forms in my head
>"jr put that down, we're not supposed to have that"
>I'm seen as a goody two shoes type to him, so he's not surprised
>I tell him that i'm going to tell his mom if he doesn't put it down and come on,
>"fine. maybe we shouldn't be looking anyways."
>right after we're done playing, I bolt to the magazine, hide it in my pants, and run back to my house to stash it in the bathroom
>use it to jack off for about 6 months
i'm so sorry jr, I had to do it.

OP here, thx 4 all the cool posts. you rock dudes.

>be me in 8th with Good friend who I will name Patriko
>be walking back to class after lunch
>patriko says hey look
>*pushes me in to bush *
>patriko scarms at the top of his lungs "RGB Chair"
>be me
>be embarrassed
>get cuts on legs after falling in bush
>next day me and patriko are walking back from aftercare and I push him into a bush
>my autismo screams "RGB chair "
>patriko gets pretty bad cuts on his legs and arms
>be me laugh
>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaahah

Kill me now OP

>>740418889
wtf

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>>740411647
are you actually this retarded

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>>740410281

>Be me in 4th grade
>Was a fat kid
>Had a crush on my teacher
>Blonde chick 7/10
>Want to express my love for her
>Decide to go fully autistic
>Walk up to her desk
>Pull up my shirt exposing my 4th grade fat tits
>She's in shock and yanks my shirt down
>Tells me to never do that again
>Having to sit by myself for the rest of day
>Found a small stapler
>Decide to staple my thumb
>Start screeching liking lamb being raped
>7/10 teachers rushes over to my aid
>She's in panic
>Grabs scissors to pull staple out
>whatthefuck.jpg
>She manages to get it out
>Feels remorse for me and hugs me
>MFW I felt her tit rub my face

>>740419794
You are a fucking savage, I like you

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>Be me
>Live in spanish neighborhood so lots of parties, loud music etc.
>Neighbor invites other hispanics to party
>One of the people invited had a pregnant dog
>It gave birth at the party
>Next door neighbor decided to illegally adopt one of the pups
>Fast forward 3 years
>Everyday, when the dog hears a noise, the dog barks
>Fucking annoying
>My birthday happened and i had a candle that played happy birthday in the most annoying tone
>masterplan.exe
I had a friend with me. Lets call him bob.
>Me and bob walk in the front yard with the candle and proceed to smash it.
>Extract the speaker device of the candle
>Run to backyard
>Its night time so noone can see us doing this
>Me and bob hop fence with speaker playing annoying song
>Find dog bed
>fucking disgusting
>Mold, insects, feces
>"anon, you do it"
>bob hands me speaker and i lift and place it under rotting dog bed
>We go back to my home
>next day
>Had no sleep
>Fucking speaker is loud as shit, i can hear it from my room
>Every five minutes the dog barks at it making it worse
>whathaveidonewrong.png
>this goes one for 2.5 weeks
>neighbor assumed that it was some other neighborhood kids that were fucking with him
>He sets up $2000 dollar illegal security system
>built metal fences along perimeter with palet wood and metal plates
>Got a new guard dog
>this dog is louder than the other one
>All because of one candle
>be today
>he was reported for illegally installing cameras at a rented home and building a fence around it
>also needed to neuter dog
>all because of a candle
>mfw
>kek

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>be me in 8th grade
>sitting in math class while teacher is lecturing
>i'm dozing off, hate algebra
>classmate, not really friend but is cool, name is marcus
>marcus is one of those guys that fucks around all the time
>marcus sitting a table over notices the hole in my ripped jeans
>"what's that anon" in seductive voice
>"fuck off marcus"
>"what's that ANON" marcus starts sticking his finger in the hole
>he starts slow
>he progressively finger blasts it more and more violently
>"REERGHHHAGHH WHATS THAT ANON"
>i am speechless what the fuck do i do, i start holding in my laughter.
>teacher notices and calls us out middle of class

Me like a good finger blasting

>>740420470
Man, dog might be loud, but you fucking killed it, I would feel sad as fuck

>>740410281
>a few years ago
>be living with my buddy who is an extremely paranoid war vet
>browsing /b/ as he plays Skyrim on the X-Box
>thread comes up "I'll rap everything you post in this thread and post it on Youtube"
>make a random post "Anon Anonson, I see you sitting there in your wife-beater playing that video game. Going to get you bitch"
>chuckle and wait for him to make his rap and put it on Youtube
>twenty minutes later the thread finishes and he posts the video and I listen to it at full volume
>usual shitty memes are being rapped "nigger, fuck this gay shit, nigger's tongue my anus...
>buddy looks over at me annoyed, 'what gay shit are you listening to?'
>idk man, just some shit I saw on Youtube
>all of a sudden "ANON ANONSON, I SEE YOU SITTING THERE IN YOUR WIFE BEATER..."
>the look on his face was priceless, all color drained and pure confusion
>"I'M GOING TO GET YOU BITCH!" goes back to regular nonsensical shit.
>this mother fucker leaps off the fucking couch and closes all the blinds, runs and gets his shotgun and starts peaking out through the blinds and shit
>gets really panicky, and I feign like I'm worried as fuck
>makes me play the song again a few times and clearly hears his name being said and what he's wearing
>he is freaked the fuck out
>never tell him it was me

>>740421134
Fucking kek.

>>740420811
Not a literally kill obviously

>>740421134
top kek

>>740420470
Another one
>in math class
>boring as heck
>new game between students
>whoever yells "stupid donkey" the loudest wins
>eighth grade humor amirite
>a few days pass of this game
>teacher sick of it
>AP comes in to watch class
>Think of a way to get a laugh
>next question raise my hand
>"Yes anon, what do you think the answer is?"
>btw im known as the smart guy who is funny so the teacher likes me
>"yes, will when I worked it out," proceed to draw a donkey on the board
>"its pretty stupid though"
>class dies with laughter
>AP walks over to me and asked if that was ok to do
>"no sir"
>he tried to make an example of why you don't act stupid using me
>ohnoyoudont
>makes me apologize to teacher
>fake tears commence
>"i-Im s-sorry im a, stupid donkey"
>kek
>class laughs as it get escorted to detention
>come back next day and i am now appointed funniest guy at school
>worth it

>>740421134
I love how you Americans call sleveless t-shirts "Wife beaters" holy fuck

>>740421373
Nah the dog had to be readopted since my neighbors couldn't take care of 2 dogs. Its living a better life with a new white family. Also the guard dog is living better since the neighbors got the citation.

>>740410281
writing for a friend
>be me, lil autismo in 6th grade
>came from poverty country, didn't know shit about america or its history
>walk in 1st period class
>teacher says today is september 11, a day to remember
>autistic me starts clapping and yelling yay, thinking its a holiday
>whole class stares at me
>teacher looks at me like im some half baked pop tart
>confused "what"
>teacher says he will play a documentary on what happened on September 11
>documentary tells about the horrific events that occurred on September 11
>realize that a shit ton of people died
>stay quiet for the whole day
>when i get on the bus, this kid starts yelling "anon started cheering for 9/11!"
>sit in the back of the bus so i don't get seen
>didn't say a word for the next 2 months

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>>740411492
Best I can give you

I'll take those five dollars thank you

>>740421134
One more.
>be in like sixth grade
>there was a website where you could enter in someone's name followed by isgay.com
>it would create this fake news article where the said person was arrested for sucking dicks and shoving dildos in their ass in public
>really graphic shit
>so this kid that everyone picked on was my target, and while we were supposed to be writing an essay or some shit I brought up the page and entered his name
>everyone sitting around laughing and reading it
>hear a girl gasp and say "ohhh"
>turn around and my teacher is standing behind me reading this shit over my shoulder
>FUCK
>he says nothing but reaches over and prints out the page and walks me down to the principle's office
>they bring my backpack and start grilling me about this shit and going through my stuff
>find odd sketches of the devil with a huge dick
>get in so much fucking trouble and accused of sexual harassment
>get suspended for three days, and after that was over had to go to the special class for bad kids

This happened to my younger brother, ill be writing as him.

>Going on some dumb school trip to a high school for the schools first ever showing of Alexander Hamilton,
>On the way while sitting at the back of the bus like a nigger, im sitting with a bunch of Stacys and Chads
>teacher is at front of bus, oblivious to this shitstorm until later
>A chad and a stacy start recording me, putting me on snapchat
>Get pissed off and calmly ask them to shut the fuck up and stop recording me
>Obviously, they continue,
>Get so pissed off that i take a stacy's $500 rose gold IPhone 7 and smash it
>NiggerChad drops his IPhone to attack me, Fucking Fails
>I get punched, fuck, hes strong.
>No fucking clue whats going on, just fighting
>Teachers break us up, yelling,
>I beat a chad up using beta powers.

TL;DR my brother went on a school trip, broke a stacys phone, and beat up a chad.
Be Careful of what betas you fuck with.

>>740422458
500 for a rose gold Iphone 7? Duuude, where the fuck do you live? that's cheap as fuck, I want 3

>>740410281
> Be me
> Freshman year of high school
> Have math first block
> Math teacher is a dick
> Bring bottle of Miralax to school
> Teacher leaves coffee cup on his desk
> Leaves to go to the bathroom
> Pour 2 caps full of Miralax in his coffee
> Mix it in with pen on his desk
> Class ends
I don't know if it worked, but I hope it did

>>740422458
By the way, I fucking forgot a key detail,
>After no one gives a shit about the chad,
>people are scared of brother
>Some faggot tries to get him in trouble by mimicking his handwriting and making death threats to himself and chad
>It fucking works, people think that brother is gonna shoot up the school
>He is trying to get brother expelled
>Brother finds out who it is
>Brother goes up to him, hes scared as fuck
>Brother makes him tell teachers that it was the chad who tried to get him expelled
>it works, chad keeps refusing but because he has done some shit in the past they dont believe him
>Brother and faggot become friends,
>They fuck up more people,

I might continue this, they did some shit. fucking mastermind my brother is,
Im the only one he has told, about his exploits

>>740422693
Bitch got it off ebay, brother found out while eavesdropping.

>>740421134
Link?

>>740423233
To the Youtube vid? this was several years ago man.

>Be me in 8th grade at friends house
>friend lives close to school decide to go on a walk
>day before the last day of school btw
> fucking around in the football field >go into ditch to piss
>"oh shit what dis"
>Full can of field paint
>timetopaintdicksonstuff.jpeg
>math teacher whose class I hate has a window pointed towards the field
>spray paint dick on trash can and point it at his window also right fuck mgms on bleachers and one huge dick in the middle of the field
>next day everyone is talking about the dick
> 14yo me thinks this shit is hilarious
>come around to last class which is math with dickhead teacher
>somehow he has a hunch it was me
>tells me I'd better turn myself in
>"vandalism is serious"
>fuck that they ain't getting me
>tell him I'll grab my stuff and go confess to the principal
>go to bathroom and call my mom
>tells me to hide out in the bathroom for like ten mins until school is over
>later that night me and my mom go back to the school with bottles of acetone
>get rid of the evidence
>got grounded for like a week but it was worth it

I've got more stories if there is interest. Doing shit like this made me a legend to everyone in my grade shit was cash

I dunno. I have this thing I do.

I like to remove rolls of toilet paper from public restroom stalls and cum inside the cardboard tube.

I know they can smell it, and I'm sure there's at least a few people out there who got my cum on their hands.

OH SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE ACTUAL CUM-RELATED MISCHIEF STORIES

I had sexual relationships with caterpillars for years as a preteen.

>>be me, 19 years old
>>move out of parents house and into house with best friend Pete
>>nohomo
>>no rent, we just have to do work to get the house a little closer to being "flipped"
>>yeah the landlady bought a piece of shit and wanted to flip it but didn't want to put in any effort, lazy mexican cunt. Name was Juanita
>>we rip up the carpets
>>we begin to chip away at the old linoleum, finding two more layers underneath with a fuckton of glue between each
>>god damn it, but we do it every day
>>landlady decides not enough has been done
>>leaves passive-aggressive note for me but not Pete, puts it on the fridge
>>"You owe me $250 by the end of the weekend or get out."
>>Fuck this wetback.
>>She still has stuff here she uses sometimes
>>Shampoo and special Biore facewash, the creamy kind
>>Decide this bitch is gonna get a facefull
>>Fap into facewash
>>no regrets cunt

>>740424635
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>740424956
How? putitng them on your dick and letting them crawl on it?
or just cumming on them?

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I did a bad thing
>be me
>sophomore in high school
>my hs has this gay ass grade checking system
> there's this annoying faggot in my class flipping through his binder
>I see his login credentials written in his notebook
>target acquired
>slowly copy it down throughout the period
> go home and hop on my dusty hp pavilion because I am an elite hacker
>load up the old fashioned 7 proxies
> open up my trusty bestiality pornography
> send it to all his teachers from his account
>threaten to fight them all over his bad grades
>he got suspended, nearly expelled
>I was never even caught or questioned
>they thought someone in Europe somehow did it because they couldn't into proxies

Should I ask this girl out
(For a friend )
Not kidding it's for a friend

>>740425160
You niggers thought this was a kids thread?

>>740425217
hp pavilion confirmed master race

>>740425560
Get ready for Cum Revenge, The Prequel

>>740425560
thats some degenerate type shit

Thsi friend of mine once told me he fucked a bagel

>>740425685
where are we? Is this reddit?

>>740425766
i think it is

Same thing

Yo if someone would like to give me some inspirational quotes that be cool (they gotta be edge as ma fuk boiiiiiii)

>>740416588
>7th grade
>instagram
You must be 18+ to post on this board

In high school I created a script that would turn off a random computers on the network every 30 minuets.

>>740425948
instagram was made in 2010 but nice try

I need some edge quotes pls

Cum Revenge - The Prequel

>>be me, 17, working a job at a place I won't name because some of the faggots reading this might fucking white knight on me
>>boss is chill for awhile
>>all coworkers are friends, we all have nicknames for each other
>>job is fun as shit
>>until the boss thinks we're about to have a fucking employee coup for some reason, I have no god damned idea
>>cuts back all my friends hours, as well as mine
>>eventually we get no hours at all for two weeks and she hires on an entire new crew
>>I work my first shift with the new ass-crew
>>get left with customers alone, long line
>>salute the customers and tell them to tell the boss to fuck off if they see her
>>leave
>>find boss's car three days later at 3am
>>cum on kleenex, wipe under her driver's side door handle
>>just leave

>>740426259
yum

>>740421134
I cried

>12
>spray paint my name on the side of my house
>blame it on my friend
>still get in trouble

>>740425142
hello newfriend

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>>740412712
But I'm a cheerleader

>>740410281
Good luck in 9th grade, op

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>>740427478
that looks like sid or whatever from ice age

>>740427478
i thought he hung himself.
not shot himself

>>740410281
Eat some ribs you vegan fuck and draw dicks all over the sidewalk. Fucking dumbass.

>>740426002
kek

i have one about killing the class turtle but i dont feel like typing unless interest is shown

>>740427913
im interested, post you faggot.

>>740427579
That's the joke u summerfag

>>740428073
ok

>be me, 4th grade
>teacher has some beige russian "turtle"
>interested in it, always wanting to touch it, etc
>finish assignments early to pet it and get yelled at because we arent supposed to touch it unless we ask
>end of year field day celebration
>need to take a piss
>get idea while walking to nearby teacher
>CanPetTurtleAfterTinkle.png
>ask to go to bathroom, she allows
>after a quick piss i sneak up the stairwell
>janitor sees me in the hallway
>"hey kid why you in here"
>uh, leaving early and need my backback
>it works, he gets back to doing whatever
>continue my trek to the classroom
>the door is shut
>oh no, is it locked?
>turn the handle, its not
>praise helix
>see terrarium in back of class
>go towards turtle and pet him, then get yet another "good" idea

1/?

>>740428686
go ahead

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>>740411647

>>740428686
>"turtles" like water
>grab him, he retracts his head and legs
>i look out the door for janitor and then quickly run for bathroom
>dont slow down after i enter it
>ohshitnigger
>slip on piss while holding turtle
>hear a huge crunching sound
>ohFUCKnigger
>i look down, turtle has huge crack in shell with red shit oozing
>turtle guts on my power ranger shirt
>lucky they blend in due to all the colors
>after the initial buzz wears off i realize i dont want to get caught for this shit
>like 30 days of school left and tired of trouble
>take off shirt, put under sink, then wipe floor with it to get rid of guts
>return turtle to the classroom and put rock that was in the terrarium on top of its injury
>get the fuck back outside, nearly without injury since turtle took most of fall

teacher and students were horrified later that day. i was still in shock and i guess since i had such an affection for the thing that teacher just thought i was heartbroken

also learned that day that it was a "tortoise," not a turtle, and putting it in the toilet in accordance with my original plan would have killed it

either way, the thing would have died that day

2/2

>>740418041
You son of a BITCH

>>740429371
You sir have made my day.

>>740410281
>>740411492
>>740412208
>>740413902
>>740415577
>>740416052
>>740416554
>>740416588
>>740417908
>>740418889
>>740419794
>>740420470
>>740420649
>>740422067
>>740422982
>>740424341
>>740425142
>>740425217
>>740426259
>>740428686
>be me

Telltale fucking sign of a newfag. You reddit newfags need to fuck off of this website, jesus christ.

>be me fat asshole kid
>befriend ugly polish girl
>one of her only friends
>only friends with her cause she has a pc with sims 1 on it
>everyday go out and play sims on her computer
>one day her brother asks me if I like her
>"no, but I fucking love the sims"
>never see her again

>>740410281
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCxof04XPyWzp3dGyVvqJU6w

>>740429601
every greentext fucking starts that way. kill your fucking autistic self.

>>740429537
it's weird to be able to talk about it now when that incident alone made me an introvert the rest of grade school

>>740416554
kek, survival of the fittest

>>740429805
Thank you though.
you are one of the reasons i stay here

>>740429718
No, it fucking doesn't you dumb faggot. Only faggots from /r/4chan do that shit.
>be me
who the fuck else would you be? Fit in or fuck off newfag

>>740430279
You the only roodypoo here, candy-ass

>>740425948
Instagram has been out since 2010 lol\
although he could be some summerfag nigger

>>740429601
>be me
>see your post
>nigger what

>>740430279
are you embarrassed that youre a summerfag? is that why youre projecting with all this assimilation shit?

not going to bother greentexting because it's such a short story but one time in school we found a dead pigeon on the school field so we put it in a kid's schoolbag and then kicked his bag around the field for like twenty minutes. I wasn't there when he opened it because I knew there'd be teachers and there'd be hassle and tears but I'm informed it was beyond gross. I think he changed schools soon after

>>740410281
>10th grade year
>really anal retentive teacher who is very conservative
>convince some try hard kid in our class to bring speaker, hide it in the room and play porn from it
>He fucking agrees
>all of us tell him hell be a legend
>Monday comes and hes ready to go, hides bluetooth speaker
>night before make recording "Gas the kikes (teachers name) fucked (principals name) Sig Hiel Sig Hiel"
>connect to bluetooth before he does
>Play it as soon as the teacher walks in
>Mfw when our teacher was Jewish
>mfw that kid got expelled
Looking back on this wasnt that funny just really stupid but it was worth the lols because everyone blamed that kid

>be me
>liek 16ish at the time
>old folks home is getting built close to house
>gather friends
>sneak in through gate
>fuck up the building for like 3 hours
>spraypainted meth in giant letters on biggest wall
>poured rubber cement evrywhere n wiped it with a broom
>took 2 of the fire extinguishers n had a duel with them
>building looked like it was on fire from the fire extinguisher dust
>called it a night

Did a bunch of other shit i cant remember but thats the jist

>>740422067
Are you Somalian?

>>740410281
>"be me"
>writing "i wanna die" in 8th grade

You're probably in sophomore year of HS at most, fuck off sumemrfag.

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This one time in school I was dared to kick a football through the canteen so of course as any dare I was bound by child law to do it, I kicked the ball it went directly upwards like a rocket straight into an old 70s light fixture that came loose and landed on a table full of new kids doing their homework, took a lap around the school went to history halfway through history hear how 'a group of new kids kicked a ball and broke a light now they're all being suspended' mfw

>>740429601
atleast they are providing stories rather than bitching about 'be me'. christ

>>740430546
Same anon
>have an abandoned asylum in town
>17
>break in several times w/ m8s
>drink,smoke n explore
>find a room with a bunch of wheelchairs
>spend all night getting turnt in these wheelchairs
>security comes
>just a nightly check
>leave shortly after blowing out all the candles n turning off the flashlights n hiding from security
>take the fukn wheelchairs with us
>takes like 2 extra hours to get buddy's house cause we were wheely-ing them to the best of our ability most of the way
>put them in the truck in the morning n went home
>still have all 4 chairs

>>740430871
>not using greentext
get out summerfag

>>740413871
Holy shit. So much autism and then you try to dirtily weasel out of it although you objectively broke the rules. pathetic hypocrisy.

>>740430460
>>740430478
>>740430970
As an '06 original please oh please go back to your fucking subreddit you newfag pieces of shit.

>>740431119
How long do you have to have been on here now to be no longer considered a newfag/summerfag?
I started using 4chan a few months before moot left. am i a newfag?

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>>740410281
>zozzle
kys

>>740413871
Are you actually retarded

>>740429601
and then there's THIS asshole.

>>740429606
pics of the qt?

>>740416554
> Be me
> Age 52
> Work in a hospital
> I basically live in Surgery
> Brother bought these annoying ass chickens that would stay in a cage all day and never stop clucking.
> One day, during brain surgury, I try to get some sleep, however, the chickens are louder than ever.
> I can hear them in every room.
> Pick up the nearest gumball and slingshot
> The loud noise of the gumball hitting the metal cage would scare the fuck out of the chickens and get them to shut the fuck up for a couple minutes.
> After about the third shot, I missed and hit the window and shattered it
> nofucksgiven.exe
> I close the blinds and wait until the next day when the patients kids show up.
> I pinpoint the only cancerfag who has a reputation for being a constant lier.
> happens to be autistic.
> I open the blinds when everyone is in the surgery and wait for someone to notice the broken window
> Autistic retard is the first to notice the window and tells my dad
>Retard dad automatically assumes atistico broke the window.
>Autistic cant defend himself cuz compulsive liar.
>Autistic parents had to pay for the damages.
>I let an autist take the blame for breaking a window.

>>740430499
holy shit. poor guy, esp since he was a tryhard

>>740410281

similar thing happened to me op

>britfag in year 11
>doing gcses
>hate my school and everyone in it
>wake up and think
>how can i liven up my exams
>meme.jpg
>go to science exam
>doing questions
>hell.mp4
>go to the next page
>see a question about
>sodium hydrochlorite
>oh yes
>name 2 uses for sodium hydrochlorite
>write some random bs
>and suicide
>didn't think much about it at the time
>but it would come around to fuck me

>>740431760
Cont??

>>740431760
cont cunt

>>740430499
Could the stupid jew really not figure out whose voice it was or is your story bullshit?

>>740431760
fucking continue this please

>>740431850
He most likely made up a fake voice, or mimicked the friend.

>>740431005
Who wastes money patrolling an abandoned asylum?

>>740431119
chill out, it's a two word sentence.

>>740431850
Obviously I did my best to not use my real voice but it didnt matter because everyone said it was him.

>>740420649
> Be in high school
> Shit English class for people that dont care
> Relief teacher, speaks in English accent and carries everything in a plastic shopping bag
> Kid next to me on phone, on desk
> Teacher comes to take phone off him
> Kid puts phone down in crotch area
> "STOP TOUCHING ME SIR! STOP TOUCHING ME! WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?"
> Everyone laughing
> Teacher never came back

>>740431760

>afew weeks later
>summer begins
>mum calls me down stairs to talk
>says to me
>anon why did you write suicide on your paper?
>think in my head fuck
>say xd
>she continues talking to me
>about jesus and shit, how suicide isnt an option
>she explains how she knows about this
>the exam board contacted my school because they where concerned about me
>holyshit.png
>my head of year called my mum and ensisted she took me to the doctor
>he also said
>i know anon and hes just being fucking retarded
>mfw not allowed out for half of summer
>mfw spent the rest of the week thinking im crazy

>>740431223
yep. it doesn't go away. oldfags are 2003-2006

AFTER the FBI raid and invasion being killed there were only newfags and cancerfags.

>>740410281
>be me
>12
>march, school is far from over
>hit a friend of mine in the back as hard as I could
>ohshithesmad.jpg
>run the fuck away
>he's mad, he's charging at me to get his revenge
>end up in dead end, school's closed shop ahead
>try to walljump off it
>the walls are not thick enough
>i break through the wall martial arts style
>ohshit.jpg
>sprint the fuck away
It still turned out it was me, people know me to this day for that. I, myself, being a good goy on the daily basis, didn't receive any punishment for it, surprisingly. Not even my parents knew about it.

>>740432216
she tries to explain how suicide is bad via jesus?

jesus christ, i hate religious folk

>>740411931
Embrace it

>>740431992
Lol my best guess is they dont want a bunch of heads shootin up n shit in em.Plus i mean we fucked alot of shit up,if there wasnt security before there wouldve been after

>>740411317
>>740411584
>>740412040
>>740412839
>>740413040
>>740413428
>>740413871
>>740414412
>>740414685
>>740414944
>>740418074
I'm not saying op is autistic, but I think you can figure that out for yourself

>>740432711
>from over 33 posters
>you think any of them could be OP?

>>740432285
Well shit. Sorry for not having money for internet back then.

>be me 14y/o
>picked on heaps at high school
>get shoved past going upstairs on staircase by school bully
>bully is walking up away in front of me
>brain snap
>me decide to ankle tap that fucker
>bully goes down face first into stairs
>flat out cold
>blood everywhere from busted nose
>suffered brain hemorrhaging and medically induced coma for 4 months
>MFW only other witness stated "idiot slipped running up the stairs"
>became BFFs through all high school

>>740433073
did you tell him?

>be me
>gf cheated on me with her prof
>she bragged to friends
>one of her friends is my spy
>I hear of the affair
>I time it perfectly...
>gf comes home
>Dinner is made and anniversary gift on table
>she goes to our bedroom
>catches me sleeping with another woman
>It's her mom
Her reaction was priceless

>>740433308
Never saw him again, school gave updates every now and again

Hitler did nothing wrong

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>be a little shit in first grade
>mostly spend my time on the jungle gym
>jungle gym doesn't have a solid floor
>it looks like a chain link fence but with smaller holes
>the jungle gym at that school had sand in the area around it as soft padding in-case someone fell
>see this girl sitting underneath the jungle gym
>she's been there for a few minutes
>no signs of moving
>formulate master plan
>go down and gather up some sand in my shirt
>go back up on the jungle gym above her
>unleash master plan and dump sand all over her
>she immediately starts crying
>everyone rushes over to her to see what's wrong
>make my way down without anyone finding out it was me
>mfw not a single one of them thought to look up above her
>mfw I got away with it

>>740428173
Pretty sure the joke was Kurt Cobain

>Step-son hate runs deep
>Smart ass step son takes a drug charge and get probation with stipulation that if he test clean for 1 year
>he will have record sealed
>if he fucks up then he does 12 months in county
>dumb ass smokes a bowl the day of fucking court
>smokes all the time
>never test positive -
>Hate grows deep and I need his ass out of my home.
>hear the stupid fucker brag to a friend about using a fake dick with a urine bag and a hand warmer bag that he bought from some online place
>I thought about it a long time then one day the piece of shit calls me a loser because I work everyday for "corporate america"
>that afternoon I called anonymously his P.O. and explain his technique
>few days later fuckhead goes to report and do his monthly donation
>step-son never even gets to come home and get his things as they violate his ass straight to county
>wife destraught
>i cant quit smiling
>

>be me, 8th grade year
>friend gets pissy
>fucking hits me because I've been talking to his girl
>gets local chadlet to kick my ass
>I get pissy too
>researches how to make m80 firecrackers after partial asswhooping for no reason
>I have all the materials here
>pisses in a bottle
>make 2 firecrackers eventually and tape them to the bottle
>goes to friend's house and his window's open
>fucking perfect
>lights the fuses and I toss it
>lands in the window
>"What the fuck?"
>listen to the explosion
>"WHAT THE FUCK? HOLY SHIT"
>wait for it
>"OH GODDAMN IT YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS IT'S FUCKING PISS!"
>tosses some shit out the window including the casing in disgust
>my sides were gone
>I fucking cry of joy on the lawn
>he sees me
>oh shit
>"YOU FUCKING DICK I HAVE HOMEWORK FOR TYLER'S CLASS COVERED IN YOUR FUCKING PISS"
>runs downstairs
>I run down the street and hide in the gas station bathroom

>>740410908
I really don't know why they made a big deal out of it
I'm German and we would paint Penises and swastikas everywhere in 8/9 grade and wrote whatnot at the board

Not mischief but I was being an autist. Had a huge crush on this chick in the 5th grade. We always hung out together. One day at the end of recess, we had to return all of the basketballs to the door. I was lazy and threw mine. And it hits my crush square in the face. Her ass falls face first on the pavement. I felt so bad. She stopped talking to me after that even though I apologized repeatedly. She moved away a few months later for unrelated reasons.

>>740433972
Brutal but effective, good job

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>>740434284
>I apologized repeatedly

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>>740434613
>apoLOGized

>>740433972
Couldn't you just beat him?

>>740434284
>>740434613
Literally same thing happened to me, but lost 5th grade girlfriend because of it. 10/10 qt and basically dream girl even still, would drop pic related but don't want her to get doxxed and it leads back to me getting trap prostitutes sent to my grandparents house

>>740433900
>seventh grade
>sixth period
>was some kind of history class, can't remember
>the way my junior high's periods were structured had it so lunch was during fifth period and sixth period, to make enough room for all the students
>half the kids had lunch during fifth period and half during sixth
>lunch is only thirty minutes so it doesn't match what the bells would be for the class that was there that period
>because of this there were a lot of bells in the middle of each period
>they would ring like 3 different times
>the bells were always long and drawn out lasting around 10 seconds
>don't remember how it started
>my class had this ritual of pounding our desks in rhythm with the bells whenever they went off
>no matter what
>everyone in the class did it
>no one ever questioned it
>didn't matter if we were taking a test or the teacher was in the middle of a lecture
>we always did it
>teacher never tried the stop us, thought it was a little funny
>one day we have a substitute
>the first bell rings and we pound the desks
>he has no idea what the fuck is going on and is giving us all weird looks
>tells us to knock it off
>we still finish
>he's not very happy
>second bell rings
>we pound the desks again
>he gets really mad and tells us to "knock that shit off"
>I bust out laughing because of his word choice
>he just glares at me
>third bell goes off
>we pound the desks
>he sighs, gathers up his stuff, and then leaves
>we just sat there and talked with each other for the next twenty minutes of class

>Me be
>Of age
>In room of sleep with mcDonalds food bag
>Get horndog
>Time for experiment
>Unpants and grab burger
>Slide noodle between beefy disks
>Slime feels the good
>Get bored and shake rodney for finish
>Hungry so eat burg
>Am no kiddie - was 18

>>740411492
>be me
>have twins who have a boyfriend
>boyfriend comes over confused
>fuck boyfriend

>>740434718
I hope I'm like you when I grow up. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah fuuuuuc

>>740430279
>>740429601
Hello newfriend
>be me
>try to tell you about a format named "greentext"

>be me
>be 13
>live near a car junk yard
>junk yard is pretty huge has a couple hundred cars
>me and cousins decided to put some m80's in gas tank of wrecked car in junk yard.
>light that shit throw it in and ran.
>nothing happened dissapomted
> we start to walk away when outa nowhere that shit blows up
>hear police sirens fucking book it
>no one ever found out it was us

>>740434807
kek

>>740434715
All good man. I can't remember her last name though. First name was Mariah. Ended up porking two chicks I met back in elementary school when we were in our 20s

>>740434212
>wrote whatnot at the board
>whatnot
DEVILISH

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>>740412839
That's fine. Janitors get paid in hot pockets anyway.

>>740421582
>stupid donkey
We did this with Penis
Stupid donkey, what's even the point

>>740412844
dubs of truth prove op is indeed retarded

>>740425142
Should have glued the linoleum back in

>>740431704
Naah, you could easily reverse image search

> be me
> 14 at the time
> find old abandoned house
> gather friends to go in there
> we fucked around breaking all the windows and we lit a fire
> fire starts getting bigger
> ohshit.jpg
> call le fire department
> run fast as fuck
> still on the run

>be me
>8 years old at the time or something
>playing around in a kids playground in some park with my friends
>climb on top of the playground house
>see some girls
>eww girls
>one of my friends(a dude) gets the idea to spit on the girls
>start spitting from the roof of the playhouse
>girls run away
>we chased them away, we so badasses
>see the girls return with some adults
>ohshit.jpg
>adults see my friends' faces and call them to come down immediately
>me: "fuck this shit I'm not getting caught!"
>climb inside the house to hide
>walls have holes in them
>still think the adults are dumb enough not to see me through them
>they notice and call me out to be scolded
>fml

That day I became a gangster

>>740416588
Can you greentext this again? But in English

>>740434717
>twelfth grade
>gradnite
>literally how my high school spelt it on all the fliers and notifications
>costs $150 to go
>they weren't telling us where it was at
>only thing they told us is they would take us out at midnight and bring us back at six in the morning
>we would just have to wait until we got there
>I wasn't planning on going
>neither were some of my other friends
>my parents encouraged me to go because "Oh anon you'll regret not making memories while you can" bullshit
>concede to my parents and tell them I'll go
>flash forward a few months
>graduation day
>was okay some people did some stupid shit and w/e
>one of my friends went commando underneath his grad gown
>later that day
>get to the school at twelve midnight
>chat with some of my friends that were going
>they load us all into the buses and we head out
>fall asleep for about an hour
>hear some shouts
>universal studios
>ohshitniggawat.jpeg
>we go onto the off-ramp for universal studios
>can't believe the school got us some after hours time at universal studios
>hey maybe this won't be so bad after all
>think I'll go on a few rides, eat some amusement park food, maybe take a nap, go home, definitely well worth $150
>wake up a bit more from my stupor
>realize something
>there's only few hundred students of the graduating class that actually came
>calculations in head
>$50k is no where near enough for the entire park
>think maybe they rented out a little section
>not what I thought it was going to be, but still okay, plan still holds
>they start letting us off the buses one bus at a time
>my buses turn
>they start leading us a little ways over some store building or something
>think this is where they're gonna let us know what we can do, give us the talk about not sneaking off to another area of the park

>>740437101
cont.
>there were already a couple of groups ahead of mine
>park staff is handing out little cards at the door
>get closer
>get my card
>the horror sinks in
>they brought us to a glorified fucking chuckie cheeses
>instantly regret my decision to go
>I'm fucking starving since I ate dinner at like seven and it's now one in the morning
>"If you guys get hungry at all we have some food carts in the middle of the building here"
>oh thank god
>go over to the food carts
>it's just loads of fried chicken, pizza, burger patties, hotdogs, buns, and condiments
>just decide to have some pizza, it being the most edible thing there
>burger patties and hotdogs look like shit
>wasn't planning on eating any of the fried chicken
>not that I could because all the niggers took every single piece as soon as they saw it
>go around try to find some of my friends, talk a bit play some games, get bored
>remember them mentioning a second floor
>the second floor is just a bowling alley with a separate room that has a wii with wii sports on it
>bowl a little bit
>move on the wii and beat the shit out of everyone at everything
>most people get butthurt after a few rounds and end up leaving
>shortly after I'm just in there by myself
>they've got some couches
>say fuck it and take a nap

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>>740437139
cont.
>wake up to some gook park staff employee telling me I can't sleep up here any more
>figure it's time to leave
>only four-thirty
>well goddamnit why the fuck can't I sleep
>go downstairs
>they hired a fucking "hynotist"
>proceed to put on a fucking shitty normie show
>I just want to go to fucking bed
>finally ends
>they tell us they have some more food for anyone who's hungry again
>they bring out more food carts
>it's just all fucking donuts this time
>fuck it I'm hungry and donuts are definitely in my top ten of foods I enjoy
>they're all fucking terrible
>I eat five of them
>finally the fucking end
>six in the morning, time to go home
>get back to schoo mom takes me home and I sleep off my sugar hangover for twelve hours
>mfw I wasted $150 on this shit
>mfw my parents think it was a waste of $150
>mfw one the fucking nigger faggot reporters who the school hired to take pics all night long took a fucking picture of me while I was napping in the wii room

>>740435625
This. We also yelled penis

On mobile and too lazy to greentext. Was in the navy. On restriction. Means you fucked up so can't leave the ship. A few buddies and myself play a game of random kidney punches. When the least expect it, punch them in the kidneys. Well me and one on my buddies are smoking and their is a chief on duty smoking with us. As you leave, you have to descend down a flight of stairs. Buddy goes first. Perfect opportunity. As he walks down, I give him a double kidney punch. Louded noise I've heard from a grown man. He falls down the stairs. Chief runs over and yells "what the fuck happened!" Buddy being a bro goes, "nothing chief, I just fell". He got me back after that though

>8th grade
>weird australian school so basically 2nd year high school
>Me and friends decide it would be funny to tie nooses out of toilet paper
>cover all the walls and stalls with toiletpaper nooses
>little fat year 7 walks in
>has asthma attack and fucking bolts out of there
>oh no
> get suspended

I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that fat shit

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>>740411647

>>740437331
>>740435625
We just call it the penis game