Cut my thumb to the bone washing dishes. Whats the dumbest way

>be me
>be like 11yo
>be staying in hospital for observations
>use hospital hydrotherapy pool to learn to swim
>get out
>walk down wet steps
>slip, fall, break arm

I broke my fucking arm in a hospital, fml

>>740048596
making my index finger into a banana split with a grinder.. tried to read text messege while cutting pibes with a grinder, i feel a hot sensation in my hand i can smell burned flesh and fresh blood. next i look and see my index finger is in 2 parts. i faint wake up on hospital with my finger stitched together.

File: 20170703_231844.jpg (1MB, 3264x1836px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3264x1836px

Drone prop at full throttle

>>740048689
Kek

Oh man, let's see. I headbutted a bookshelf once. Four stitches, luckily it was above the hairline - so my scar isn't too visible.

Then I tried to commit suicide, so I have a nasty ass scar on my wrist. By far the stupidest time - wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been drunk.

Somehow broke my toe stumbling out of bed and tripping once.

Yeah, just all stupid drinking shit. Glad I stopped.

>be me
>16 years
> was like 22:30
>parents gone to bed
> using a cutter tu cut a wooden tennis racket
> stab my self in the stomach , it get in lice 2 cm
> bandage my self and all that shit in the bath room
>nobody knows what happend

>>740048956
I knew.

> Chopping wood with an axe
> When rising it for a swing, the axe get caught by dryer wire
> Slipped out of my hand
> Swung from the wire
> Hit the back of my head
> Lots of blood everywhere
> Medic came, called police
> Hard time persuading them it was not a murder attempt by a relative

>>740048596
I pierced my hand with a knife trying to remove the bone of an avocado

I broke my thumb by punching someone in the face.

>>740048596
Don't feel too bad OP, I did the same thing but not nearly as bad on my index finger. I was washing the inside of a high ball glass and it shattered. It was a between needing stitches and not needing stitches and I was in college so I put a Band-Aid on it and went about life.

>be me idk age
>think it would be fun to fuck up a bananna with a fillet knife
>be retarded stab bananna and bone in thumb
>

File: 14902684000.jpg (1MB, 1680x1050px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1680x1050px

>>740048596
gave my heart to a woman.

>be me
>18 y/o betacuck
>ask meth head girl out
>girl says sure
>we go on date
>we go back to my place
>she pulls out the condoms
>we start fucking
>suddenly, i feel a really sharp pain on my dick
>pull out
>bleeding like a mofucka
>she had a razor blade in her vag for some reason
never trust meth heads kids

>>740048596
> be me
> take out pair of scissors at work to cut some tape
> snip the scissors cuz i like the noise
> not paying attention really, walking over to the table
> snip off a guitar pic sized portion of my thumb
> stare at it as the blood starts to pool
> dumbfounded by my own stupidity
> pain.jpg

got a week of off work though with workers comp.

>>740049112
Same. Glass broke with my hand inside and slit right where my pinky meets the palm/side. Nerve damage and shit.

fell in love

>>740049293
I was about to say that

File: joe-pesci-my-cousin-vinny-movie-photo-GC.jpg (56KB, 337x410px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 337x410px

>be me as yute
>cracked fingers mucho
>would pull them to crack them after the conventional crack
>dislocated middle finger
>get cool flip everyone off splint
Never did that again

>>Whats the dumbest way you've ever hurt yourself?

>got home from 3000 mile cross country motorcycle trip
>unpack my back-back
>hose bike off [Honda 750 Nighthawk]
>go inside to do a load of laundry
>trip over helmet and fall down stairs
>break leg in two places
>still have limp

File: 20170623_154215.jpg (275KB, 1892x1304px) Image search: [Google]

275KB, 1892x1304px

>be me
>Short and fat child
>Sees lava lamp
>Want to see pretty light
>Lamp is on shelf two times taller them me
>Attempt to turn on lamp
>Ends up falling on my slitting my wrist
>I am bleeding and have a broken lava lamp
>Got three stitches in wrist

>>740049112

Yeah i was scrubbing dried foid on a plate when it snapped in half and shot into my thumb. Its mostly healed now but im still doing physical therapy and i have nerve and joint damage that cant be corrected. Still better than losing my thumb altogether though

File: 14890505697.jpg (168KB, 1600x950px) Image search: [Google]

168KB, 1600x950px

>>740049293
>>740049422
you're both too late >>740049199

>>740049042
This takes the cake, would be great suicide attempt.

Fell in love

>>740049559
Dried food****

>>740049284
Ya I just got a bit of a slice that healed into a noticeable scar.

My biggest idiot fuck up was when I was helping my cousin clear cut a hillside and he didn't cut the whole way through a log. I picked it up and was throwing it down over another log where the chainsaw had cut to try and break it in half. The last time I did it I moved it too far forward on the fulcrum point and it kicked up and hit me under the chin. Saw stars and busted my chin right open. I didn't think it was that bad because it was bitter cold that day but when we got in the truck after we finished and kicked the heater on the blood began to thaw and run down onto my sweater. I looked like I'd been stabbed and freaked my aunt out. I was just happy I didn't bite my tongue off or chip a tooth.

>>740049097
>"Bone"

you guys dont know a shit about hurting yourself in a dumb way

>be me doing a thread in /r9k/ where i print all images and put them on my wall
>out of paper wattodo.jpg
>try to use pokemon card chuz im retard like that
>card jams printer so i try to take it out
>turn of printer first so i wont ink my hads
>almost get card out but hit print button
>machine pulls my hand in
>ohfuck.png
>turn it off fast
>i survived whith not even a scrach
>realise that my hand is stuck now
>try to rip it out but instead got my index finger cut to the bone
>call 911
>they come and see bloody printer, pokemon card and wall with porn ect.
>got hurn emotionaly and physically
worst day of my life

>>740048689

>be me watching pron
>timetobeatmeat.exe
>beating meat furiously
>hand slips
>ohdeargodno.jpg
>punch myself in said meat
>afraid to beat meat for several months

>>740049459
>be me again 5 years ago
>at work as framer after coffee break
>bend over to pick up nail gun
>herniated disc
>hardcore narcotics then surgery
>heal up doing good playing hockey and doing normal stuff
>fast forward to 3 months ago
>backs feeling stiff at work
>finish my shift go home lay and lay in bed
>herniated the same disc
So twice I fucked the same disc doing nothing. The second time literally by laying on my side in bed.

It's not hurting myself being retarded, but I still feel stupid the way it happened each time.

>>740048596
>be me
>young little shit
>had to be around 3rd grade
>every wednesday our school would do a wellness walk
>basically go to the gym/track and walk
>fun because you could BS with friends and shit
>this day we went to the gym
>brought all our shit down with us (backpacks and shit)
>well my dumbass decides to run
>run down the first flight
>slip or something on second flight
>literally bounce down the stairs on my ass
about 20 steps and they're made of concrete and tile
>fucking ass was sore for awhile and hurt like a motherfucker
>went to office and stayed there
>went back to gym
>all is good

one time when around that age I was trying to blow up an apple with firecrackers and put one under the apple and lit but instead of lighting that fuse I lit the fuse to the 10 or so firecrackers in my hand and it burned and also mythbusted to the "firecrackers will blow your fingers off"

I was pretending to mimick a melee from an online flash game and i stabbed a small knife about half an inch deep into my thigh. Didnt hurt as much as i expected.

>>740049877
This is like /r9k/ in a nutshell holy fuck

Had a gf who was trying to pry some brownies out of a pan with a metal bladed spatula (seriously what's the point of these)

Spatula slipped and she sliced her had something fierce. Has this awesome scar that looks like she took on a bear but nope just a spatula accident. I gave her shit about it constantly

>>740048596

wash knives separately and always put your knives in the sink the same way, handles forward.

I once tried to flip my pocket knife closed while being drunk (you know, pushing the blade back into the handle) and did it from the wrong side in the wrong direction. Basically shoved my thumb into a sharp blade

File: 1500972695654.gif (23KB, 60x95px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 60x95px

>be me
>5 years old
>mom and dad are checking out at target
>Thirsty.jpg
>Tell mom I'm going to the water fountain
>Runs over
>Slides on a wet floor spot that doesn't have a sign
>Slides full force into the sharp corner of the water fountain
>Gushing Blood from for head
>HolyFuck.webm
>We're poor
>Mom goes and gets those shitty brown paper towels
>Can't Afford Ambulance
>Walks to the car
>Forehead still gushing blood
>Me, sobbing my eyes out
>Goes to the hospital
>Gets head glued
>All fixed

in retrospect I have no clue why my dad didn't sue, there was a puddle on the floor without a sign, and I had to go to the hospital. we could gotten some good money.

File: j1x4ifvo4xhx.jpg (45KB, 506x410px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 506x410px

>>740048596
fell in love

>>740050253
That's a cool duck bro

>>740049924
Kek level extreme

File: 1500310753009.gif (2MB, 275x154px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 275x154px

>>740049255

>>740048596
I let myself love her..

>>740048596
ran into a doorknob, ~ 11 stitches

>try faggotry for first time
>get rectum split open
>gets infected
>have to go to ER
>every fucking medical person has to come by to see me swollen and ravaged angus
>get stitches, could barely move for a week

and i didn't even enjoy it and have been straight ever since

File: 20150524_000821.jpg (375KB, 1280x960px) Image search: [Google]

375KB, 1280x960px

Hit in the face and chest with flares while kicking half detonated fireworks away.
2 yrs ago now and I almost look normal again and will be seeing soon with an artificial cornea.
Lesson I learned - don't never do nothin for nobody no how no way sonny.

>>740050329
thanks bro

>>740050276
have i red this before i am feeling huge deja vu

>>740050515
I'm glad this happened to you.

>>740050368
>>740050276
>>740049668
>>740049293
>>740049199
shut up you emo cucks

>4 AM
>Hungry
>Wanna make a snack
>POPPIIICCCOOORRRN (popcorn)
>Prepare it in a pot- with oil and salt and shieet.
>READY!!!
>The pot was missing a handle, so I tried (stupidly) to lift it with just one handle, despite the fact it was fucking heavy.
>OHNO.jpg
>Pot falls from my hand
>In the millisecond it happens I think to myself "Do I want everybody in the house to wake up at 4AM because I dropped a fucking pot?"
>"No"
>I CAUGHT THE FUCKING BOILING POT MID-AIR WITH MY FUCKING FOREARMS BECAUSE THERE WERE NO HANDLES FOR MY PALMS
>I didn't even flinch from the insane amount of pain
>I calmly put the pot on the table
>looked at my forearms
>2nd degree burns
>"...Oh well."
>Continue with what you were doing
>Eat the fucking popcorn while watching a movie without even taking care of the burns or even caring

>>740048596
Did the exact same thing washing dishes. Lost strength in my thumb because I sliced a tendon. Has never been the same. Fucking dishes.

>>740050633
Same. Now I can waste peoples time for shock value like a norm- oh wait I'm just an edgy cunt like you.

>>740048596
>be me
>be like 12yo
>just learned to masturbate
>look up different types of lube ideas, porn to watch, etc.
>realize that warm items feel good on cock
>try to hold my cock over my lizard's heat lamp light bulb
>full force radiant heat
>drop my dick onto bulb
>instant regret
>burns like hell for like 2 weeks
>still have slight burn mark to this day
>never tell anyone

>>740048596
This story is kind of stupid
>Be 5 or 6
>Hanging out with friends near house
>Best friend has a big wheel bike
>Go to get it because I was bored
>Start running towards it
>Look down to not trip on a rock or something
>Fuck up and hit my head on a fence
>Go to the hospital because my head was bleeding
>According to friend, she could see my brain a bit
I now have a mark on my head where I hit my head.

>>740049255
How the fuck do you not notice a razor blade slicing up your insides as well we one of the most sensitive parts of a body

>me in second grade
>riding my bike with no hands
>just learned and felt so cool
>go up into driveway
>front wheel hits the curb
>bike stops
>fly over handlebars
>land on face
>busted a tooth and had a big scab that looked like a Hitler mustache

Shit hurt really bad man.

File: MyFuckingHand.png (387KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

387KB, 640x360px

>Be Me
>Become Bored and Hungry
>No Food
>Fuck it, ill make spaghetti
>Waiting for spaghetti to boil
>Texting friend
>Decides to make meme
>Records Video of me talking to Spaghetti
>Decides to rapidly smack HOT BOILING water with wooden spoon
Water splashes on my hand
>Drops Phone
>Whole thing was recorded on phone
>Phone is now semi-broken

>>740050854
Lol right? My thumb is half as strong as it used to be. On the bright side my gf did my dishes for 3 weeks and i figured out that i could play persona 5 with only one hand, gotta love turn based video games lmao

>>740049255
yeah I call bullshit

I walked outside to my porch where I tripped over nothing and fell on the brick steps, cracking my head open

>be me
>on family vacation in Destin
>in cottage style lodging on beach
>nice rooms, lots of sand, etc.
>retaining wall for parking lot is made of railroad ties
>you know, those old wooden beams that lizards go and live in?
>go trying to catch lizards by hand
>one of my childhood favorite things
>see big green anole
>try to snatch it up
>hit hand against old wooden beam
>get a TWO INCH SPLINTER in the WEBBING between my thumb and index finger
>UNBELIEVABLY PAINFUL
>mfw start screaming
>dad has to come and carry me to room
>get splinter out
>banages.jpg
>puss filled wound for days

Don't go getting massive splinters

File: kirves murica usa.jpg (66KB, 675x645px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 675x645px

>be on knee
>cutting logs
>take axe up fast
>ax blade says takes a fly
>smashes to tin roof
>comes back and whisper to my ear "hello"
>axe to the knee
>knee is ok
>start searching for ax blade
>feels funny
>check knee again
>"where did this blood come from
>knee not ok

>Be me 25
>out drinking with friends from uni
>time to go home cause drunk as fuck and want to get home and fuck gf
>bike home with female friend who lives close to me
>on the way home I see the gas station across the street from where we're riding our bites
>a sixpack of beer will be nice after finished fucking gf
>instantly start crossing the street
>friend shouts that she's gonna continue riding bike home
>should give her a hug and say goodbye like a decent person
>turn 180 with handlebars
>fly over said handlebars
>luckily my face acts an airbag to spare the rest of my body
>eyebrow Cut wide open, blood flowing down over my face and body
>super drunk so feel no pain
>pick up bike and walk back to friend
>she's crying and asking uf I'm ok
>yeah np, almost forgot to give you a hug and say goodbye
>anon I don't want a hug, I'm gonna call an ambulance!!
>ofc I should give you a hug
>hug her, lots of blood on her
>she convinces me to sit down and wait for ambulance
>moments later ambulance arrives
>cunt driver says to female friend "you shouldn't go home with this guy he's a bad guy
>wtf.jpg??
>female medic patches me up
>say thanks and goodbye and get on my bike and go to gas station
>this sixpack and a pack of marlborough plz
>"umm ok, are you allright?
>"no I'm all left"
>lol and leave with my cigs and beers leaving a trail of blood drops behind me
>get inside front dosor, lock it, sit down and learn against dosor, crack a beer and drink then fall asleep right there in the hallway
>gf wakes me up like 6am
>my face looks like Quasimodo's

Cut my index finger get trimming a steak. I now have a legitimate pointer.

>>740049199
Me af

File: 71FKsRHXWJL._SX355_.jpg (14KB, 355x293px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 355x293px

>>740048596
>be me like 17 yo
>making sausage in the basement w/ my dad
>after we finished it's time to clean everything up
>cut myself in the finger with a butcher knife while cleaning it
>blood flows all over my hand
>go to my 8 yo brother and smear it on his face
>he hates blood
>he blacks out
>kek
pic related, those are sharp af

File: tmp_8227-IMG_20170725_212728446254982.jpg (1MB, 2448x3264px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2448x3264px

Fuck you OP

File: image.jpg (97KB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

97KB, 480x270px

>>740049097
It that you avocado hand??!?

>>740052356
another one
>still 17
>getting ready to go out with friend of mine
>wanted to get some weed
>was hungry tho
>decided that bread was enough
>get the bread cutting machine
>get my finger in there
same finger that i cut with the knife
>cut of half of my fingertip
>friend is watching
>hes laughing his fucking as off
>i am too
>quickly bandage it
>smoke the whole night

>>740048596
>last year, 28 yo
>got frusrtated and punched a wall
>broke my hand at metacarpal

Stabbed myself in the leg because someone said "you wont" when we were drunk. Only self aided and eventually got infected. Lost leg and now life is shitty.

>>740048596
slashed my wrist open when I was straightening out a bent golf club and it snapped.

broke my toe by shooting it with a pellet gun.

File: feels.jpg (7KB, 300x168px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 300x168px

>>740049199

>>740053000
Triple oughts

Massive respect

(curtsey)

When I was about 12 or so I decided to savagely murder one of those little furry summer caterpillars, you know the kind where a million of them are falling from the trees, by putting it in the roadway at the bottom of a huge steep hill, and pedaling my bmx bike as fast as possible down the hill, crushing it to fuck. So as I'm barreling down the hill and get to it, I'm a little off track. Swerve, front peg catches the beginnings of a pothole in the pavement taking the bike from what was probably 20mph to 0 instantly. I fly about 20 feet over the handlebars, land left knee first straight into the pavement, followed by a few foot skid. I get up after a minute or so and hobble back home. Can't move left knee or elbow hardly. Parents take me to urgent care for x-rays. Everything is fine but that shit fucked my knee for life. I'm 30 now and it still pops every time I bend it. Gets swollen feeling and achy if I'm standing still too long.

>>740052514

I hope they were able to save it.

Avocados are expensive.

>>740052016

My dad managed a splinter 3 inches long straight in to his finger while working construction. Not three inches through, I mean entered finger tip and went all the way down to knuckle. The bizarre thing is that he wasn't aware it was a splinter or that anything had penetrated at all for several days. He thought he had just banged his hand somehow and that was why there was pain and limited mobility. He went in to hospital eventually and they had to do surgery to remove it.

>>740052773
well youre a fucking retard lol

got married

>be me
>13 years old
>at scout camp for a week
>i fucking love camping
>chopping wood for our troop's campfire later
>gay kid (who openly thought i was hot) comes up behind me and pinches my ass
>get distracted and start yelling at the gay kid
>i was in the middle of swinging the axe
>axe swings out of my hand and hits my leg
>blade lodged in my leg
>blood everywhere

It wasn't that deep of a cut and I still have my leg. But I had to leave camp on the first day, and that's why I hate gay people.

>>740048596
Anal fissures and a penile abscess. I dont want to explain...

>>740048596
>Be 6
>Have old wooden bunk bed
>Puts blanket in between beds
>Will be fun to jump through blanket into lower bed
>Full body forward jump
>Miss
>Bash forehead on bed
>Lay there crying with egg sized bump

>be 13
>never went to a sex ed class because I moved from one district where I'd do it next year, to another where they did it last year
>parents breed dogs
>gay af
>decide to let dog fuck me
>dog gets stuck
>panic and rip him out
>anus bleeds
>never tell anyone and just live with the fact I thought I was going to die from blood loss at 13.
>can't sit for months

>>740050727
Opening sequence from the TV show 'Kung Fu' starring David Carridine.

File: DC8T9G5W0AAk655.jpg (15KB, 318x318px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 318x318px

>>740049255

>>740053557
Pretty good reason

File: 1500336939545.gif (864KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

864KB, 500x500px

>Be me 14
>Cutting front brakes off mountain bike bc they didn't work anymore
>Made sharp point on bike while doing this
>Not paying attention and slide top of hand down it
>Slice open top of hand and it isn't bleeding
>Can see inside of hand and I almost faint
>Starts to bleed so I put toilet paper and antibiotic stuff on it

It's all healed up now

File: Dislocated-knee-cap_342x198.jpg (17KB, 342x198px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 342x198px

>Be me
>17
>Home alone and taking a dump
>Notice there's no toilet paper next to me
>Don't feel like standing up from seat with a shitty ass
>Bend and twist my upper body to reach toilet paper rolls in a cabinet under the sink adjacent to me
>Inches away from touching a roll
>Suddenly fall to the floor into my back
>Don't know what the fuck just happened
>Look up at my left knee, completely sticking out to the left
>Start freaking the fuck out and shouting at it
>Manage to drag my way to a phone i dropped in the bathroom
>All of this while my fully exposed ass is caked with shit
>Call 911, crying hysterically that i dislocated my knee while taking a shit
>Operator is confused as fuck and i don't blame him
>Wait 10 minutes for 4 cops to show up
> I'm in fetal position
>All standing behind me staring at my shitty ass
>Wait 1 hour on cold ground for paramedics to show up
>This whole time the cops flushed for me and helped pull up my pants, ass is still unwiped
>Hear them snickering outside the bathroom
>Paramedics show up, brought me to hospital in knee splint.
>Made friendly talk on the ride there with paramedic in the back of ambulance.
>Hours later my parents show up.
>"What happened anon!?"
>"I-I dislocated my knee while taking a shit."
>They break down into tears, laughing for a good solid 5 minutes
>Spend next 2 weeks in knee cast with crutch during first days of college
>Use this experience as a good ice breaker.

Lesson today, toilets are dangerous.

Pic similar, but mine stuck out more towards the left side.

>>740049042
>Medic came
But did he drop a med pack?

File: IMG-20170725-WA0025.jpg (799KB, 4608x2592px) Image search: [Google]

799KB, 4608x2592px

About 7 years ago i tripped while holding plates in both my hands. Somehow managed to get a 2 inch cut. Was able to see bone. My father for some reason decides against calling ambulance. Drive to hospital and had to wait for 6 hours before getting around 9 stitches. I still have no idea how i managed to do that.

>mopping floor at fast food place.
>paying no attention
>hit finger on metal fry carton holder
>sit in hospital like 3 hours
>get 2 stitches

>>740048596
I'll make it short
>be me
>14
>smoke weed
>drink beer
>hedgehopping elitist
>choose a new run
>fucking perfect
>last hedge and fence
>fucking privet can't hold me back
>dive through
>fell a good 7ft onto the concrete (Ashfield wmc).
>split head
>eye half hanging out on left side
>see a girl I know, nikola,
>give me cigarette
>light up filter side
>she calls ambulance
By this time I'm bleeding down my face smoking a cigarette backwards.
But my friends are running behind me I know they will meet the same fate I did.
>nooooooo you guys stop!
If enough interest I'll tell you story of paul.

>>740048596
I fell in love with a marten.
He cheated on me with a bunny.
Every now and then I can't help but cry because I gave him my virginity.

>>740052514
This is great!

File: Reactface-Google-eyes-Staredown.jpg (40KB, 182x258px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 182x258px

>be me 1992
>painter's helper
>prepping a house
>gas powered power washer
reach to adjust an adjustment while running
>PSSSSSSSTTTT!!! goes the skin on my forearm
>FUKKING XHAUST MUFFLER BE HOT!!
>Sported a burn "tattoo" for a couple years that read "CAUTION HOT" in reverse letters.

>>740049097
Use a spoon and scoop it out next time

>>740048596
Fell in love once.

File: 12560196.jpg (54KB, 298x298px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 298x298px

>>740048596
>be me
>11 years old
>at friends playing some star wars vidya in newly finished basement
>two folding chairs for three of us, I sit on the floor because who cares
>he gets up to get snacks
>idea to pull chair out when he goes to sit down
>comes back, goes to sit down
>pull back chair
>he catches the end of the chair and my finger is where the folding mechanism is
>feel hard pinch
>blood everywhere
>stay calm and collected
>uh, anon, I think I need a bandaid
>walk up stairs, bleeding on brand new white carpet
>walk from basement to third flood getting blood all over new white carpet
>go to wash finger off
>ohfuckiseethebonefingeriscuthalfwayoff.mov
>shit gets real
>go to hospital get 12 stiches and finger condom
>find out later his parents want my parents to pay for the carpet
>my parents come back and say they'll sue home owners insurance because I got hurt on their property

Still have the scar 18 years later and love telling the story.

File: Jizzed.jpg (11KB, 308x313px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 308x313px

>be me
>13 years old
>hornay AF 24/7
>like things in mah buuht
>see balloon
>see bicycle tire pump
>lightbulb hovers over my head
>balloon up butt
>pump pump pump
><feelsgoodman.jpg>
>POP! goes the balloon
>uh oh ...
>weird feeling in rectum
>worriedface
>tl;dr - I survived and never did it again
><donttrythisathomepng>

File: 1500971364666.gif (822KB, 600x366px) Image search: [Google]

822KB, 600x366px

>>740049097
>Bone
>Avocado

>>740049994
strathood

File: ,kjuj.jpg (26KB, 457x480px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 457x480px

>>740049097
>"bone"

I'll tell the story of paul anyway.
>paul fell and fucked up his ankles bad.
>paul was 13
>place on sake ward due to being intoxicated minors.
>play sega mastersystem in kids ward
I have a few more stories but /b/ being like it is its a waste of time.
Old fag with some good stories.
I'll wait until later.
I still think about paul haven't seen him in 20 years.

File: 20370817_1005230266280785_703945639_n.jpg (17KB, 533x960px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 533x960px

>Be me
>14 yo riding back around the block with little brother
>Special day of the year where people throw out shit they dont use anymore and big garbage truck comes and pick it up
>find big ass-stereo
>take it home with little brother
>"anon how does it actually work?"
>"i dont know little brother, lets open it to look how it works"
>start unscrewing screws
"2 screws remaining but 14 yo arms are to weak to unscrew them
>Get genius plan of trying to cut in it with pocketknife ( i was a real gangster back then)
>applying pressure on pocketknife
>pocketknife closes
>thumb is between pocketknife and little gap
> ifuckedup.jpg
>"damn, dont tell mom"
>" mom! mom! mom! look at anons finger!"
> little cunt
>"its oke mom its just a cut"
>mfw thumb is almost cut in 2
>mom rushes me 2 the hospital
>get Indian doctor who barely speaks my language (he spoke a little english)
>"this will hurt yes, but just a little. 1 needle shot for infection yes"
> I see the needle going into my thumb (never forgetti)
< "fucking asshole this hurts"
< injects me a second time in the other side of my thumb
< Patches me up
Pic related scar i have

File: IMG_0394.jpg (2MB, 4032x3024px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 4032x3024px

>>740048596
driving drunk i flipped my car. the roof came down on my head and crushed my hand onto the steering wheel and gave me a gash on my scalp that needed 14 staples and nearly ripped off my ear. my hand had a pretty severe crush injury that severed tendons in my hand. i still have trouble bending my fingers and using my hand to do anything like open jars or turning doorknobs. and i have pretty bad arthritis or tendonitis i guess in my hand already, im 30.

i've cut myself while cutting a bunch of times.

Back in HS i used to run on xc and track teams, and i was pretty fucking dedicated to it
>one month i had run nearly 250 miles in 14 days
>hips hurt like someone was sliding knives thru the joints whenever i wasn't running above like 10mph
>one day after practice literally count walk or run anymore without feeling this horrible searing pain
>had to walk home 4 miles
>literally took two hours to walk 4 miles
>should have taken me no more than 25 minutes at my running pace
>never had to deal with that amount of pain for that amount of time

I've broken arms and legs, and the pain i felt that day still doesn't compare to a broken bone

me being retarted little 12 year old
playing in garden with a little saw
mutilating some trees in our backyard with that saw, cutting on branches, trunks
2weeks later playing
clinging to a branch
one of the mutilated ones, breaks
a side branch rams through my cheek like a knife
screaming like a burning witch
mom comes running, goes pale
hospital
lesson learned
dont fuck with nature

>>740051558
post the video, please post the fucking video

When I was 7, I had to put the dishes away.
The dishwasher was right below the cabinet with the cups in it.
I couldnt reach it so I moved a chair next to the open dishwasher.
I kept reaching down and bringing up cups to put in the cabinet.
I slipped, fell and 2 glasses broke, one jamming a 3-inch glass shard into my thumb...
My brother ran into the kitchen flipping his shit as I was flipping mine... XD

I have like three
>be me
>like 10
>hang out with bullies even tho I'm scrawny
>bully pushes me when recess is over
>"suck a dick chad!"
>walk back to class till I notice wet on my leg
>knee split open
>"i'll go get bandaid"
>goes and asked what happened
>"I tripped on my own leg hurr durr"
>"anon you need stitches"
I cried and defended an asshole that made me get stitches. fuck that guy

then theres this one

>be in middle school
>accidentally learn to drift on bike recently
>spend afternoons drifting on bike going fast cuz nothing else to do
>go fast to get best drift
>turning into my driveway
>drift going fast
>eat shit. do a fucking flip
>rear tire at my face
>handle bars at feet
>bike on top of me
my dad saw and laughed his ass off. I stayed on the floor wondering how that happened

lastly there's

>middle school later on
>on road trip. stop by a snow area
>rarely see snow cuz live near beach
>plays in snow til can't feel hands
> "ima go get my gloves. gimme keys dad"
>sagging cuz it was "cool"
>scrawny and no belt
>trip on my own pants get a huge scrape right above my dick
>wear sisters belt rest of trip

moral of lesson. you can't be cool if you're scrawny

File: IMG_1008.jpg (105KB, 768x1024px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 768x1024px

>Window stuck
>Just want some fresh air
>Push a little too hard
>Hand goes through window
>Have no feeling now in that part of my hand

>>740049255
It was bullshit during Vietnam and it's bullshit now.

File: P_20170421_221456.jpg (2MB, 3072x4096px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3072x4096px

Stabbed myself in the thigh with a scalpel trying to eat a tangerine

File: IMG_20170102_151423.jpg (1MB, 2160x3600px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2160x3600px

>>740048596
Cut myself in a glass while washing dishes. Was deep but no stitches. Now I have a nice scar on my knuckle.

File: 20401230_319476265131598_1106100696_n.jpg (59KB, 540x960px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 540x960px

When I was 12, I saw my friend's brother whittling a stick into a spear. I thought that was badass, and then I asked my mom to buy me a whittling kit. I was doing it wrong or something, ending up with a scar in my left hand between my thumb and my pointer finger... It looks like I did some sort of blood ritual.... lol

>>740057974

Tree got yo ASS, bitch!

HOW DO YOU STAB YOUR THIGH EATING A TANGERINE????

File: Crazy-Tree2.jpg (116KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

116KB, 640x360px

>>740057974
>>740059421

Don fuk wit treez!

File: fish hook.jpg (75KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 1000x1000px

>>740048596
>be me, 15
>sleeping, dad wakes me up and tells me to clean room while he goes to the store
>start cleaning room
>not fully awake, ran into dresser
>fish hook fell onto a shirt on one side and a backpack on the other
>reaching for it while not paying attention, some how get it stuck in my hand, the shirt and the backpack
>fuk.fuk
>stung when i tried to move my hand because i was also dragging a backpack and shirt
>eventually got the backpack and the shirt off then ripped the hook out of my hand
>pic related, its a pic of the hook

>>740056376
>PAUL

>>740048596
>be me
>around 5
>always see my dad rubbing some tool on his lips in the bathroom
>one day he leaves tool in the shower
>i want to use the tool on my lift
>start rubbing that good shit all over
>takes me awhile to figure out that shit is a razor and i just shredded my face, blood everywhere

I only have one scar left today, but its super small and directly in the centre of that little divit above my top lip, so i actually kinda like it.

>be me
>be 1 year old
>mom pushing me on swing at the park
>mom attention is diverted to something obviously more important to her swingin son
>do ok on my own for a few seconds
>have big ass baby head
>can't balance my big ass baby head
>gravity wins and I smack the back of head on the gay ass ground
>a couple stitches
Still have the scar albeit hidden by hair. I think I'm retarded from my moms.

once I stapled my finger. I was shooting a mini stapler as a gun in like first grade. later I noticed the staple. pulled it out. thats what stung

File: 8e8444f25766c4c2ff1c884249d90f63--my-first-job-chicago-illinois.jpg (29KB, 666x513px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 666x513px

Be a dumb 8 year old. Gotta poop really bad. So go to the bathroom. Momma always said don't run in the store. Do I listen? Nope. Ran straight into the corner of the wall between bathroom and checkout. Split my dome all the way to the bone. Needed 35 stitches. Did I mention I shit my pants too? Pic related. The store.

>>740048596
don't know if you guys know how dumb ass starting your stories with "be me" looks.

>>740060781
Cry about it Lil baby boi

This year, in Highschool, (im a freshman), I was writing something down in World history.
I was using a mechanical pencil. The led broke and flung into my eye. I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.
The 2 centimeter piece of led was holding my eyeball like a column...
went to nurse and got it out

>>740060781

>being this new

>>740060641
Was expecting a Wal-Mart. I'm disappoint

>>740060781
>be you
>being this new

Lurk moar, Faggot

Broke my ass on MTB overshot landing basically did 30' gap 15' air to flat ground

>>740048596
SCF3?

>>740048596
While playing with friends on an abandonned backyard I stepped on a rusty nail, the main problem was that I stepped on the head of the nail.

I still have the scar visible.

>>740060781
NEWFAG ALERT

>>740061572

Walmart wasn't the shiznit yet in the early 80s or late 70s when this picture was taken.

>>740048596
Climbing over a fence for a blue slushie. Ripped my palm resulted in stitches. That slushie was good tho...

>>740061986

Did it make a 'scchhluuuuurp!' sound when you pulled it out?

>>740048596
Similar to you. I was washing dishes, and we'd just gotten a brand new set of Cutco knives as a wedding present. For some dumbass reason, even though I knew the things were super-sharp, I thought I'd juggle one of the bigger knives a few times. Nothing fancy, just flip it a few times and catch the handle.

Nope. The blade hit me right on the index finger, slicing it through to the bone. Thankfully, it hit the side, and not a tendon or anything.

dayum sun

>walking with mom to car one day
>step on a 4 inch splinter
>goes all the way in my foot and scrapes the bone for 2 months
>pull it out, pus flows like a river
>still have splinter to this day

>>740052179
Kek

File: 1500439688505.jpg (88KB, 750x933px) Image search: [Google]

88KB, 750x933px

>>740048596
First I could not come up with one, but...
> see roommate using knife to cut the butter plastic in half to get out last parts
> imagine I could do the same
> except I have a much longer knife
> stab my hand through the box

> early morning in same room
> have same knife - it's a flip knife, but it is really hard to open and it snaps back real hard
> start opening and closing it
> it's way too early
> hand slips
> cuts my finger when it snaps back

FML

>>740049877
oh my fuck

File: 20170725_224441(0).jpg (1MB, 2988x5312px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2988x5312px

>>740048596
the same happend to me man, thats why men don't make the dishes.. not as bad as yours tho.. 3 stitches

>>740052514
>>740049097
>>740063317
same story basically, but I targeted the butter

>>740052773
"You are a sad little man"

File: 1475864228638.jpg (59KB, 846x1024px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 846x1024px

>be me
>two years old
>parents doing work on house
>find pair of cutting pliers
>pick them up
>place one side into navel
>squeeze as hard as possible
the earliest memory i have of life

>>740057889
thats fucked up man.. get well soon!

>>740048596
Punched through a window while fighting my brother.
Got a knee right above the groin while sparring. Nearly puked my guts out..
Tripped and fell of a small hill covered in stinging nettle without wearing a shirt.

Jumped down an entire flight of stairs and landed sideways, and my ankle disagreed

>>740048596
i fell off a ladder and tore a hole in my knee when it hit the radiator next to the ladder

>>740049042
That's fucking amazing.

>>740048596
I fell in love

>>740056376
Tell us

>>740053162
LONG LIVE THE CUTE FLUFFY BUG!
Anon....that bug KICKED YOUR ASS!

File: 1444979717223.jpg (1MB, 796x4983px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 796x4983px

>>740049125

>>740050515
Shit man. Hope you get better.

I was about 15 and I'd just put foam grips on my bike (the kind you lube up with soap and water and slide on) and instead of doing the smart thing by waiting for shit to dry overnight (as recommended in the instructions) I decided to head over to my friend's house to show him.
The right grip slipped off and because I was standing up on the pedals on an uphill section I took a header over the front of the bike and ended up with 6 stitches in my chin and a few bruises.
Different bike, I'd just put on a speedometer and was trying to push past 50 mph on a straight stretch. Neglected to stop at a stop sign and got hit by a truck. Luckily he just clipped my back tire and I went tumbling. No serious injuries, just road rash and bruises.

8 years old not suppose to be on treadmill but do it anyways decide to turn it all the to full speed. 18mph. Step on it with both feet at the same time. Go flying back into the wall scrape the skin off my thumb and up to my wrist. Not suppose to be on treadmill so tell parents i was running and tried to jump and touch the ceiling and fell. Skin and blood all over the treadmill.

>>740048596
>Need steel wool to clean
>Split wool in half
>Look at hands
>Mild cuts

Not severe but I like it

Once fell down the stairs holding a glass bowl of spicy doritos chips. Sliced my hand not too badly on the side, it was the seasoning that fucked me over.

>>740049042
How come you're not death?

>>740049097
I thought avocados were BONELESS.

>12 years old
>riding bike home
>hit piece of concrete with foot
>no biggy
>30 mins later look at foot
>missing big toenail

>>740049110
Here you go, retard

File: 20170725_160638.jpg (1MB, 1687x2682px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1687x2682px

>be me
>15 year old with first job in a concession stand at an arena
>Pantera playing this night
>allowed to watch how cuz dead
>show ends, come down to help clean up
>hottie 18 year old cougar struggles pulling trash bag from bin
>help hottie by holding bin
>sharp nacho cheese can in bag right into thumb
>cup hand blood fills hand immediately
>hold hot dog water rag on mortal wound
>cougar cries
Stitches scars that cleared up since looked like eyes on pic related. Looked like a smiley face. Still got to see my fav band and got hotties digits, cuz she was worried, so worth it.

>>740050253
>Can't Afford Ambulance
what the actual fuck

>>740063875
They could have at least breaded them first

>>740052016
my dad did pretty much the same thing but with a big locust tree spike that was like 6 inches long

>>740065150
Amerifag medicine.

Wambulance costs thousands of dollars just for a blinky-light ride to the ER. Where they then proceed to rape you even further.

>>740065150
in the united states, a 5 mile ride in an ambulance to the hospital without insurance will cost you just under a thousand dollars. mine cost $833.

>shaving in the bath
>arm itches
>decide to scratch with razor still in hand
I shaved off a little piece of the wrinkly skin on the knuckles. Hurt like a bitch

also

>be 10 yo
>ice cream machine
>just a kids game, made of plastic. Shit was sharp tho
>put my hand under the handle while grabbing it.
>shaved off a piece of my hand

I don't know what is it with me and shaving off skin

File: 1468211699751.gif (2MB, 220x186px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 220x186px

>>740053162
did you ever get your revenge?

File: 4b8dce1e641b04c3e99d2f8eb53fa483.jpg (13KB, 236x248px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 236x248px

>>740055268

>>740065726

Damn, dude! That kid's gonna be brain damaged.

>>740053212
It's only expensive once it's combined with the toast.

>>740057029
Congrats you just damage your finger and destroy your friends carpet along with your frienship with him.

File: 20170610_143158.jpg (1MB, 2560x1440px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2560x1440px

>>740048596
>be 12
>horny
>have cat
>whip dick out in room start fapping
>cat walks into room
>fapping under my desk
>cat sees shaking and decides to attack
>not declawed
>fucking scratches the shit outta my dick
>scream in pain
>upstairs so hear parents coming up
>close tabs and put dick back in shorts
>parents come in
>"what happened anon?"
>"the cat bit my foot"
>still have scars from that shit

>>740065868
He was before he started. Did you even notice the gay ass hat!?

Dad was just trying to fix him via head slams/whiplash.

>>740048596
>be me
>be 7
>over at a friends house, playing outside after playing Metroid Prime for a while
>brings out Slip-n-Slide
>soundslikefun.png
>try to jump onto it to increase momentum
>land on my leg
>mfw I broke my leg by landing on it on a Slip-n-Slide and had to crawl around for around eight hours before going to a doctor

>>740048596
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XetlZbw67UE

>>740048596
>b me 6 years old
>hear icecream truck coming
>run to ask mum for cash
>trip over curb
>fracture collar bone
>never did get that icecream

File: 1490193579688.png (167KB, 350x407px) Image search: [Google]

167KB, 350x407px

>>740048596
One day at work I was cutting potatoes with a sort of horizontal slap-chop kind of thing; it makes fries. The thing is though the blades are easy to break if you fuck it up (ie potato rolls before going through all the way), and on this day they were supper torqued. So torqued that you had to punch all but a sliver of a potato though and then yo push the end with another potato or risk shattering the blades.

Needless to say, it was a horrifically slow possess. I can do a 50 lb. bag of potatoes in ~2 min, and in that same time I hadn't gotten through half a bag. As I took longer and longer, the more REEEEE that filled me.

I then came across a potato with a bit of rot at one end and decided to cut it off. Normally, I cut the nasty stuff off with a paring knife, but all I found were bread knifes; I digress. Cutting the weakness off the tard, I failed to realize the extra in. of the knife and my hand positioning, and in completing my SAMURAIE swipe, but a chunk of my finger off.

>>740066346
>>740057029
Not anon, but who the fuck has white carpet with kids?

sat on a toenail clipper, it bit a chunk out of my ass

got a concussion getting in bed. Not even a joke

>>740065593
1 mile in LA - $1500

>>740066346
>>740067400
not >400, but what the fuck, >346?

kid was fucking 11. what on earth would you do if a 40 year old put a knife in the fork drawer?

would your brain just explode?

I was very drunk, went outside on my patio to smoke. Trip over empty clay pot (planter) and did a full face plant on the cement. Broke my nose and split open my top lip so it needed stitches. Chipped one front tooth but lucky I didn't lose all my front teeth.

>>740066935
My older sister's bf was surfing on a slip and slide. I tried it and instantly lost balance and head hit the ground first. I was fucked up

ate nothing but eggs and ramen for a week because poor.
Didn't shit for about 4 days, and when it finally arrived, it arrived fighting.
Tore my asshole to pieces

>>740048596
Cut 2 of my fingers to the bone while trying to peel a wire didnt go and get stiches tho

>>740048596
punched a glass with my left hand that cut one of my flexor tendons off and i had to get surgery.
took a whole summer for it to heal.

File: IMG_20170702_154039_517.jpg (62KB, 960x960px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 960x960px

I fucking tripped over a 9 year old, a fucking random ass 9 year old on flat ground. It was a hyper extention that ripped my toe open, I needed 11 stitches and I'm still in a boot because my ligaments got cut by my bone dislocating. I had to relocate it while it was open

I was working in a grocery store goofing off trying to get some laughs when I tripped, smashed my hand into the concrete floor ripping out 3 finger nails and breaking my ring finger to the point where it was shaped like an "L".

Luckily I was in shock so didn't hurt too bad at first but after about 6 hours in the er it started to hurt and it really fucking hurt when they reset the broken finger.

File: Dandelion Greens.jpg (72KB, 749x500px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 749x500px

>>740068476

Too poor to eat some dandelion from the yard for roughage?

You poor, Kenny. Why you so poor!?

>>740048596
Ha! Good one. I was pushing ice cubes into a science beaker bong I made and broke the glass and cut both my thumbs at the same time. Not the dumbest thing though. When you live longer you'd think you'd get smarter. Don't plan on it

File: IMAG0094.jpg (1MB, 2448x3264px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2448x3264px

Heres a pic before the nurse cleaned off the blood

>>740049263
>with workers comp
Nice

>>740048596
>Boerd and high
>Watching Indiana Jones
>Think I can be as cool as him
>See my mechette
>Think if I can spin it in the air and catch it I can impress bitches
>Cut wrist to the bone
>Freak out and grabs a pair of sweat pants that are soaked in bong water
>Tie around wrist and sped on my motorbike to the hospital
>Realise I'm out of fuel and ccash
>Went to the gas station filled up then showed them the cut and got free fuel
It was kinda fun?

>>740048596
>My best friend kicked my sister in the jaw same day I had a circumcision appointment.
>Lets just say I saved some money that day.

>>740048596
>did pass out challenge at friends house
>passed out
>fell backwards through a windowed door
>shatters everywhere, pieces off glass stuck in forehead and eye

>>740052773
Pics or btfo

>>740057889
You piece of shit.
ISHYGDDT

>>740060781
Stop projecting love

>>740060781
Be me
Scrolling through thread. See your comment.
Be me
Be me
Be me

Run to catch the bus coming home from school, tripped, fell on my face, cut my lip all the way through, broke a tooth. Fun day overall.

sliced open my thumb by trying to rip off the rest of a mostly opened can of noodles, almost needed stitches

>>740064999
>18 year old cougar
Nigga what
Also nice trips

>>740065150
>get in car crash
>get large gash on arm
>friends there to pick me up
>cops tell me sir sorry can't let you do that ambulance on its way
>shrug. Alright.
>get in ambulance they spray me with iodine ald alcohol.
15 minute ride cost me 1500
Stitches cost me 250.
>paid 1500 for a useless ride

>be a dumb teenager
>skateboarding in the house
>while twirling a cheap pawnshop katana
>and instructing my little sister how to play DMC3
>turn head when her friend calls my name
>nearly cut my ear off
>have to go to hospital and literally everyone laughs at me
>especially the doctor, so much that he had to walk out of the room for a sec to catch his breath

>be me
>4 years old
>at grandmas house
>making mac n cheese
>she leaves to go to the bathroom and say pointing to the stove "I'm going to the bathroom. Whatever you do, don't touch the stove."
>being 4, I had to
>Place my hand on for a solid second
>start bawling
>grandma runs in
>hand is v red
>ended up keeping my hand in a bucket of cold water for an hour
Not that bad, but still pretty stupid

>>740048596
>birthday
>sliding around on wood floor of house
>go near firewoord area cus i was still sliding around having fun
>slid my foot into a 4 inch, legit, 4 inch splinter
>about .3 inches thick at hte base and got thin to a point at the tip
>slid my fuckass foot right into that bitch and cried (was 12)
>took 1 and a half hours to pry it out with pliers
>had barbs on it too so it like took so long to pull it out straight
>right under my toe area

File: 20170725_154106.jpg (132KB, 460x460px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 460x460px

I dropped a pencil I was grabbing from behind my ear and when I tried to catch it I stabbed the tip into my chest. I was wearing a jacket so it didn't go in very deep, but it left a graphite "tattoo". My phone camera is shit but it's like a little dot of blue just under my heart.

>>740049972
>>herniated disc

the disc is genetically fucked. get a new one it will help.

>>740048596
So i was like 11 years old at the time and my mom and i went to new jersey to get away from my dad. While there we went to a small strip mall to get something and there were these pillars everywhere with a little ledge on them so i started to jump up on them. On the third or fourth go i slipped and caught my shin on the stone and split it right open. Had to go to new jersey hospital where they briskly gave me 8 staples before pain killers. The next day someone offered to take me on a jetski and i had to refuse because stapleleg.

File: 1499151420679.jpg (94KB, 620x413px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 620x413px

>>740049097
>bone
What the kek, who says that?

Cut my thumb to the bone hitchhiking.

File: image.jpg (122KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 1280x720px

>>740048596
I tried to return a tennis ball too close to my body and walloped my cock and balls once. Would struggle to replicate it if I was trying.

File: 1498327858599.jpg (107KB, 744x851px) Image search: [Google]

107KB, 744x851px

Be me jerking off with a cheese grater.feel a warm feeling on my neck look down I was at work .now I'm night supervisor

>>740048596
Cutting my dick with a spoon...

left my thumb in the hinge of a door as someone closed it not realising, luckily the door broke and not my thumb pain was disgusting though

>>740074819
I was on a fire call where this old guy did that to his finger and actually ripped all the skin and flesh off. It was literally just his bone left

I haven't gotten my seriously hurt much but I have
Broken a toe on a foot massage
(0 out of 10 on pain scale)
(10 out of 10 on irony scale)

Cut myself with a knife accidental like 3 or 7 times
(0 out of 10 on pain scale)
(9 out of 10 on stupidity scale)

Over at a friends house had a window fall full force onto my thumb no one seemed to notice that I was yelling in pain just went to my mom who was downstairs

(15.99 out of 10 on pain scale)
(10 out of 10 on stupidity scale)

Oh and I accidental stab my left hand with an exacto knife cause I liked sound it made when slamming down on the cap

(5 out of 10 on pain scale)
(10 out of 10 on stupidity scale)

>>740048596
Was playing some autistic game with friend where we tried to stay on a swing while the other person tried to push you off the swing, I got pushed off the swing, flew in the air, and landed on the back of my head- gaping hole all the way to my skull and blood gushing everywhere.

>>740049042
that's what you think bitchy, i'm installing more dryer wires to get you again

>>740073924
Lumbar.

They replacements have poor results in that region. Otherwise I would.

I tripped and faceplanted a crash barrier while walking to mcdonalds, carried on, got a milkshake.

>>740048596
how much did it cost at the ER OP?

>>740063552
oh my.

>>740052179
You're british
>I know cos you were patched at the roadside and not charged by the hour for it

File: downloadfa42405d_storage_2femulated_2f0_2fDCIM_2fCamera_2fIMG_20170725_162754.png (330KB, 604x437px) Image search: [Google]

330KB, 604x437px

Chisel right into the hand. Kept it covered for a while, looking better.

>>740064999
> nacho chips
a bag almost cut down a finger? WHAT?
> 18 year old cougar
WHAT
> trips
nice.

>>740068847
jesus fuck HOW

>>740048596
Split my upper lip open about an inch as a kid trying to swing across the monkey bars onto a swing set, slipped and landed face first on the seat. I had to get 5 stitches and looked like someone took a bar to my face

>be me
>be 5 y o
>play with my baby cousine
>she throws her toy away
>little bitch wants me to get it back
>fuck it
>turn around, walk away and slip on the toy
>fall towards the corner of a table made out of glass
>break the table
>fragments of it stuck in my head
>blood everywhere
>got a scar on my head

Thank you Becky...

>>740053557
HOLY SHIT, kek

Broke my finger cleaning cat piss