>buy house >have beautiful lawn >quiet, empty neighborhood

>>739888347

A couple of large dogs would be nice pets for you.

>>739888428
I've been thinking about it but the way the justice system around here is, they'd have me put down my dog and I'll lose a lawsuit against the family if my dog attacks their shit.

Just put a sign on your fence saying "GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY YOU LITTLE SHITS"

>>739888347
>use your phone camera
>film them damaging your property,or harassing you
>show it to the cops as evidence
>have all of this stop

>>739888666
SATAN? : D

>>739888347
>get camera
>mount camera
>shoot trespassers on sight

>inb4 shoot them with the camera
Gun.
Use a gun.

>>739888666
Sounds like a good idea, Satan

>>739888666
Yeah that'll work.

I know this might sound a little extreme, but have you tried becoming an actual sexual predator? Just touch one kid, you don't even have to like it.

>>739888693
Yeah, man. I've been meaning to buy cameras.

>>739888666
I would definitely do this.

Since satan is recommending it op,theres no way you can say no to putting up that sign.

DO IT!

>>739888832
Yes?

>>739889018
I'd go to jail around here.

>>739889018
But then he has to move away so the shitty kids can play again.

>>739888347
Chill out on your lawn with a double barrel shot gun and shoot the fuckers when they get close. Make sure you got overall or it won't work

>>739889068
Then go for it my dude.

No harm setting one up,and patiently waiting for someone to be stupid enough and trespass onto your property.

Put a sign saying: "don't cross this fence or your mother will die in sleep"

>>739889142
tell em the kid came on to you, report a kid for trying to molest you.

>>739889327
This works all the time it's fool proof

>>739889256
Overalls?
Denim ones are necessary.

>>739889134
Thanks for always looking out for me!

>>739889320
Yeah, I'ma do this and the sign. The sign won't work but it's funny anyway.

>>739889481
As long it's got some patches and stains you is good

>>739889536
Best of luck then mate.

Heres to hoping you get the peace and quiet you deserve.

Give us an update in a while to let us know how things went.

>>739888347
Start hiding punji pits behind your fence.
>don't forget to take some laxatives and dip the spikes in a bucket of your watery shit

>>739889327
They are basically molesting me.

>>739889481
I wish, man

>>739888347
Scarecrow with proximity explosives

>>739889701
Sounds good, man.

>>739889695
Thanks, man. I'll update you all just for you. :^) Cause I like you a lot.

>>739888347
Put up an electrified fence

>>739888666
Trips of Truth.

>>739888665
well that's why you have the fence right? if they cross that fence and that dog decides to fuck em up i don't think you would have much to worry about

>>739888347
the solution's been under your nose this whole time
>become an actual sexual predator
>two birds with one stone

>>739889878
Are they expensive? I mean the watts usage.

>>739890113
The justice system here sucks, man. There have been many trespassers attacked by dogs and the dogs and owner pay the price. The other side only gets a small trespassing fee or some shit.

>>739890116
Kids are nasty. They're walking boogers.

Post pics of lawn

>>739890622
Trips gets them sexy lawn pics ;^)

>>739888347
What state do you live in OP?

>>739890823
California

>>739890958
Figures

>>739890430
Where do you live?

>>739888347
you can kill them legally if they enter your property

why haven't you done this yet?

get a dog

>>739888347
Put a sign that says "Premises are under video surveillance"

Also "Trespassers will be sued for any property damage incurred"

Sue the next punk who wrecks your yard in small claims. Video evidence and ample warning signs will likely settle in your favor. Word will get around and other parents will get the hint real quick when they could be paying for whatever their little shits wreck.

>>739891176
Not here you can't. You can't even shoot a criminal if they break into your house and they're fleeing. You have to let them go or hold them down.

>>739891176
yeah op killing your neighbors child, legally, will have no ramifications whatsoever

>>739891393

Do you live in Canada? Because that's not entirely true.

>>739891265
That's true. Much cheaper than the electric fence. I've always been iffy on lawsuits but eh. I'll see about it.

>>739890958
My recommendation would be to record them trespassing and damaging property and then going to the police. Could take an extra step and get restraining orders.

>>739891478
No. The US of 'merica

>>739891497
If not this then this
>>739891265

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Put one of these in your yard

>>739891548

The fuck kind of state do you live in?

>>739891774
I also didnt read OP's post, just came here to smack my keyboard cause I have an autism quota

>>739888347
Hire older kids to beat the shit out of them

>>739888347
Find a farm that's giving away kittens, get the whole box, give your neighborhood kids kittens to take home.

>>739891900
California.

>>739891977
Hah, doesn't sound too bad.

>>739888347
You spaghetti'd in front of the police, You shouldn't have told them it's fake.
Just question them as to why they are harassing you without cause on your own property.

>>739892073
Then they'll play with the kittens on my yard.

>>739892126
They found out it's fake. The notice wasn't really well-crafted. Just enough to fool the common people.

>>739892073
>>739892159
>Be OP
>Kids fuck up your shit
>Must get revenge
>"I know! I'll do something nice for them and get them pets!"

Tf dude?

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>>739888693
You think cops are going to arrest children for damaging some plants on your lawn?

Cops will say "It's a civil matter. Sue the kids' parents for damages, if you want."

>>739892355
Give them kittens with rabies

>obtain pit bull
>obtain aids
>fuse the two like goku and vegeta
>let loose in neighborhood
>everyone leaves due to loose pit bull with aids

>>739888347

Put a camera up somewhere. Every time the kids come around talk to them incessantly on the camera. Just be nice and friendly and ask them about school. Ask them if they want a glass of water. Get them to tell you what they are actually learning in school. Talk to them as much as you can about boring crap. Every time you see kids, go out in front of your camera and try to talk to them. Always do it in front of the camera and never say anything bad.

Eventually, they will avoid you for being an annoying weirdo. If anyone ever says anything to the police, you have it all on tape anyway.

>>739888347
>>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work
Waaah. I hear a tiny violin playing.

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Shit on their lawns, key cards in the middle off the night, break toys in front of the kids and tell them they're either adopted or the result of late abortions

>>739892458
I just don't know why we're ignoring that great idea someone had to fuck the kids

>>739892508
Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder

>>739892566
Kids be nasty N sheeeeit - OP

>>739892561
*Cars

>>739888347
grow poison ivy all over your fence

>>739892508
Stupid breeder

>>739892355
Think about it from the POV of the parents of the little shits. Their snot nose brings home an unsolicited kitten, and now they've got to pay to get it spayed/neutered, to get it shots, and deal with all the other pet ownership bullshit.

And if they don't, they have to break their kid's heart.

>>739892713
This

Also, in winter make sure to pour water over the sidewalk so kids slip

>>739892804
I didn't think of it this way. Don't sound bad because I hate kids but I also hate the cunt parents.

Get a Speedo. Make it the skimpiest, most revealing one you can find (but make sure no genitals are exposed). When the kids come onto your lawn, go outside and walk around in it. Get close to them, engage them in conversation. Ask them if they like swimming and just generally be as creepy as fuck. Parents won't want their kids hanging near you after long.

>>739892631
For a Plan B, you could start selling weed to the kids. That'll jump start them into playing yugioh at the mall and eating Taco Bell at in the morning. They won't have time to fuck with your shit AND they wouldn't want to fuck up their supply.

>>739892825
>>739892713
You guys are evil.

I like it.

>>739892804
That's true, but it still doesn't solve the OP's problem

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>>739892586
>Fuck you and you hell spawn, breeder
HAHAH!! I have no kids! Not even married yet!
So fuck you and fuck off and may you be fucked up the ass with a giant rubber cock!

WTF are you, a former police officer? We used to have an asshole like you in the neighborhood. Thought it was his business what everyone did and demanded to know who everyone's name was. I never told him. Asked me one day where I lived. I told him a house with a roof on top. He told me not to give him "any lip." I said if I did that, I'd be kissing your asshole, and I take no delight in that at all.

Are you the asshole who calls the police when neighbors are shooting off fireworks on the 4th of July? Yeah, you must be REALLY POPULAR. Why don't you move away? Buy 20 acres, put a fucking farm house in the middle. Set up a fucking trust so nobody ends up with it when you die.

Suck my dick, asswipe. You get no sympathy from me. I'll have a bunch of kids, have them become lawyers, and sue you back to the stone age.

This world isn't just you. It's everyone. Try to learn to get along and not care about your fucking lawn so much. Dig it up, pave it over. Park your cars on it. Less to fucking mow.

>>739892944
I've thought of being creepy and shit but after this, they'll just catch up to my plan. They'd think it's weird I'm a creep one day then the next I'm just chilling on my lawn. They'd know my plan.

Also, I can't be creepy. Kids creep ME out. I find it difficult to talk to them. I can't for the life of me talk to them sweetly. I always come out as grumpy.

>If you have kids, fuck you. Don't have kids, you cunts.

fucking goddamn right you are! a fairly large portion of parents and kids today are little shits! its like the beginning stages of idiocracy.

>>739893161
The cop from your story and OP aren't inherently the same. In your story, the cop harassed YOU, while OP just doesn't want annoying little fucks all over the property that he worked to pay for. I don't see why that's too much to fucking ask for

>>739892428

You need to call the cops, usually multiple times, to create a recorded history of malfeasance. Then when it's time to sue the parents, (since they are legally responsible for the actions of their minor children,) they won't have any kind of defence and their legal counsel will just tell them to settle without a fight.

>>739888347
next time you see the kids on your lawn, call the cops. the parents wont wanna deal with your shit so theyll tell the kids to stay away.

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literally tell them to fuck off

>>739892235
Oh, well...
Buy a Dirtbike, rev it at all hours of the morning, ride across and rip up their lawn.
"Funny how doing what the fuck i want without regard can be problematic for others isn't it, Your lawn? I know, I try to keep mine tidy but the damn neighbors keep ripping up mine as well"
They'll call the cops again, say nothing. Nothing. (Other than identifying yourself) They'll stop responding quickly.
Take photo's of the damage to your property, so if they try to take you to small claims (If you do rip the lawn) you'll have a counter suit. But the grass grows back, they'll be pressed to prove an out of pocket. Moral is, be a huge cunt - only way these people learn.

>>739893499
I don't know why people have them, man.

They cost money, take up all your time, they're loud, don't let you sleep, are retarded most of their childhood.

No benefit whatsoever.

>>739893210
Wear a sock over your cock when you go outside then. Anyone asks, just say you're getting rid of tan lines.

Buy five dozen plastic forks

Stick them handle-down into your grass, in various places

Works for squirrels in a garden. Works for kids on a lawn.

>>739893161
If he's there first and have been having a nice house/lawn then the shitty ass kids are at fault. He's not saying they can't have fun, just not on his lawn/property. What are you fucking autistic, no one cares about your rant, go back to your sjw meeting.

>>739888347

>MFW have the same problem
>Be me have an amazing lawn
>Have my lawn gnomes and bird feeders my koi pond takes the cake
>have statues of Greek goddesses and Roman Goddesses
>Beaitiful roses and grape vine for my own personal wine
>Tulips and Daisy are grown along with my sage and half of Home Depot flower department
>almost like the garden of eden I'd like to think
>only thing keeping me sane is my beautiful garden
>until those little shits started playing in my yard and picking flowers and trying to catch my fish
>they stole my garden gnomes and took one of my statues
>tell parents they owe me for damages and property theft
>most parents tell me to prove it and go to hell
>start figuring out revenge plan
>first I installed cameras
>won my court battles and money
>2ndly I started talking shits on their lawn
>never caught
>3rdly I domesticated a flock of crows
>they're my ace in the hole they scare the ever living hell out the kids
>they have a nest in my apple tree
>finally I started dropping flyers in the middle of the night saying; "warning child sex predator spotted in the area."

Nobody fucks with my lawn or me ever now kids hardly outside anymore

>>739893967
/genius

>>739891774
>not reading the thread this fucking hard

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None of you are thinking evil enough. Buy this shit (pic related) and spray it around the edges of your property. If you wanna be real fancy, get a raspberry pi that senses motion for 20 bucks. [https://www].raspberrypi.[org]/learning/physical-computing-with-python/pir/ Set it up in your yard, and have it send an alarm to your phone. When those little shits go in your yard, you use a wrist rocket to shoot stink pellets at them. One those wretched gene pool polluters get the dry heaves from a thousand scent-scovilles of raw sewage in their nose, they won;t ever dare come back.

>>739891977
do this

pay in small bills (under 20s) so you have some deniability its pretty weird for a 12 year old to have a few 20 dollar bills but a bunch of ones and shit? No one will blink at that.

Just thinking if they get talked to by cops and try to rat on you you will be able to just say nop

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>>739894002
>shits on their lawn

Went to friends grandma's house
Oh anon, the guy next door keeps harassing her
Mailman does his rounds
Go outside, stare right through his window
Open letterbox, piss all over his mail
Guy does nothing but stare in shock, Comes out hours later uproots mailbox throws it away

Never bothered her again

Tl:dr Assert Dominance

>>739888347
>print out fake ''sexual predator'' notice and place it on my mail box
Did you ever get white knighted?
>kids start walking/running on my lawn destroying my plants and annoying me when I'm doing lawn work
Couldn'y you just call the police since it's your property?

>>739894373
I don't want my property to smell like shit, though.

>>739889701
Boobytrapping is illegal as shit

>>739888347
Clearly you need to actually molest some kids to keep them away. Not all of them, just enough to get the message across that you're not fucking around anymore

>>739894729

It only has to persist as long as they go on your lawn. After the third time they swing by and it reeks, they WILL leave. Doesn't have to be forever. Did you know that skunks make great pets once their scent glands are removed? If you had one of those and your neighbors didn't know about its missing scent glands...

>>739894550
I already told them what happened at that moment. They ignored it. They were more concerned about letting the neighbors know I wasn't a predator.

We also have a neighborhood watch security. I tell him about it and he tells me it's best to record as he said because the cops will just ask the parents to tell them to stop or suggest ideas for the situation.

>>739894890
I'd rather molest a cactus.

>>739894994
shoot them with a pellet gun through an open window from cover deeper in the room.

Dont hit too many at one time, you want them to think its bees or something. Eventually if they keep getting hit they wont wanna fuck with invisible bees anymore

>>739895146
How the fuck would you get it into your van?

>>739888666
>>739889536
Make the sign say 'hippity hoppity get the fuck off my property' with a cartoon rabbit or something fun like that for the kids

>>739895298
There are some potted cactuses.

>>739895245
Heh

>>739895446
dude I didnt even consider that

Ima fuck me a cactus
>>739895404
lmfao do this anon

It sounds like two things have been made clear.
1. These kids need to be molested
2. OP doesn't want to fuck these kids
The solution?
OP rents a room in his house to a child molester
OP establishes unspoken agreement of rent discount per kid raped.
Because nothing was on paper or verbally agreed upon, OP can't take any shit for it

Electrified fence is the way to go, OP. It's not that expensive and it sure scares the shit out of kids, it doesn't even have to be a tall fence. Kids are Satan's favorite tool

Get fuckin devious with this shit, OP. They're kids, they're ultimately indifferent to your problem with them fucking up your lawn. Start doing subtly weird shit that the parents will notice. THEY'RE the solution. I suggest

>first acquire fireworks
>20 chains of m80s work if you can find em, but anything with report will do
>Start lighting a few off on random days at random hours
>Never leave your property but move around a bunch
>Make sure it's NEVER consistant, ALWAYS random times/locations

>Next Buy a big ass machete or chopping utensil from Home Depot
>Also buy the biggest whetstone and sharpening kit you can find
>Make it a habit to walk outside when the kids/neighbors can see you and sharpen your blade
>Hell, interact with them and make small talk
>Just be sure to do this regularly and make nothing of it, unless asked
>Even so just brush it off as "helping a friend clear brush" or yard work.

>The Final step is acting completely unhinged
>Start learning a few key phrases in another language
>or complete jibberish, doesnt matter
>every time you see them cross onto your property DONT leave your house
>But be sure to have a window or door open and start BARRAGING them with words they won't comprehend
>Work on making it sound like genuine frustration as that will freak out the parents more, coupled with the other behavior above

Good Luck, OP. Shit like this always freaked my neighbors out when I lived in the hood during college.

>>739888428
are you inner city?

tx it's leagl to electric fence

Start practicing Islam in your front yard

>>739896278
Scream in arab

>merica

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>>739888347
Just turn on the sprinklers when they are out there. Problem solved.

>>739888347
Capitalize on this, Anon.
Build a YUUUGE wall
Then, they have to pay to get in.

>>739896278
Ayy. This actually sounds fun.

>>739896600

Only works if dark skinned enough. White dude shouting Aloha Snackbar is just, idk, retarded.

Im dago as fuck and half the time I would just yell in the italian-english bastard swear language my grandparents used around me. Sometimes throw shit, but it was believable enough.

It's gotta come off as like unhinged and not an outright threat. You never know which one of them kids has a fuckin Alex Jone's loving parent. Thats how you get cops involved from their end, which OP doesn't need.

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>>739895404

>>739897084

>THIS

dig a bunch of holes OP when you catch some tell them to put lotion on or they get the whip again :P

>>739897084
You're a hero

>>739897084
I'm going to print it out and I'm going to deliver tomorrow with the sign on my fence.

child walks on property?
spray with garden hose

>>739896911

It was actually.

Started doing shit like this after a buddy of ours got held up at gunpoint during a break in. Made him and his naked ass girlfriend cough up all their coin and weed and shit, and I didn't want that.

Close by Neighbors didn't even notice and pretty much accepted it within a few weeks. They had their own shady shit going on, so it worked out. Never had a dog other than my own piss on my lawn, let alone kids after a few weeks of that shit.

What are the laws on mildly electrifying your fence? Not enough to cause real harm, but enough to make anyone touching it fucking stop.

>>739897296
I wish they would call the police just so that sign can be evidence in court

>>739897296
hahahah

>>739893967
Because plastic forks are going to pierce a kids shoe.. Right.. Even metal forks would bend or just get pushed further into the ground, numnuts

Sit on your lawn in a chair with a cigarette and sunglasses on scowl at everyone who walks by, flash a gun every once in a while no one wants to mess you then

>>739888347
Plant poison ivy and stinging nettles all over your yard or at least along the perimeter

Opposite of a pædophile? You're into gmilfs?

>>739897730
Pedos love kids. I hate kids.

I'm 28 but I'm into 30 to 37-year-olds. Yes, that specific age. So I guess you can say I like older women but not grandmas.

Here's what you should do op
Make a fire pit on your yard and let the kids make s'mores on it. To keep the fire burning leave some rhododendron next to it
Inhaling rhododendron smoke fucks you up bad (my mother had to take steroids for a while just to combat it)
Or if you don't feel like trying to murder kids then just put rose bushes or something with thorns around the fence maybe some poison ivy for good measure

>>739891393
Not exactly. You can't shoot them and not kill them. If they're dead they can't sue and it's your version of the story that the police hear. Your just defending yourself

>>739888347
Are retarded? Record and sue for trespassing. A simple letter from lawyer to the kids parents is enough usually. My grouchy uncle did with little shut heads across the street.
Record it all, them walking, the trash and so called broken fence.

>>739888347
fuck people like you that get bothered about shit and want their own perfect shit fuck you get over dont be lazy and fix what the kids mess up or dont idc kys

>>739897912
How much do you think I can get for 2 messed up flower beds, a hole in a fence, and trash on my yard?

>>739897846
37 is a cougar at best. It's too old to be a milf. A milf is 29 to 35. You're approaching gmilf territory.

>>739888666
Is nobody gonna check the triptrips? Or doubletripper?

>>739898016
They can go anywhere they want. They can scream, they can play, they can do whatever they want. Just not on my property. Take responsibility for your own creatures and if you don't want to take care of them, don't have them. I wish someone would go to your yard and destroy your property. I'll bet you'd take it like a bitch and pay for everything. You have the mentality of a cuck.

>>739898107
Then so be it.

Get a cheap lawn sprinkler. Get a bottle of insanely hot sauce. Mix hot sauce in a gallon of water. Fill hose with funnel using magic evil water. When kids come, turn on hose. Watch the little cunts cry and run and puke and rubbing their eyes - which only makes it worse.

Now, let them try to prove whatever the fuck they think happened.

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>>739891774

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>>739898503

[https://www.]amazon.com/Pure-Cap-Hot-Sauce-Ferociously/dp/B0000DG4NJ/ref=sr_1_12_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1500876598&sr=8-12&keywords=capsaicin

I have some of this. It is hotter than the asscrack of Satan, lemme tell you.

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>>739896611
THIS!

also, checked!

>>739898103
How many parents do you know would want to repeatedly be dragged to court for their kids?

>>739888347
Assuming this isn't bait all you have to do is get cameras installed then call the cops when the kids show up. The parents will be held responsible and liable for any damages.

>>739899227
It was a legit question...

But I know they wouldn't. I wanted to know how much I can get.

>>739898949
>I have some of this. It is hotter than the asscrack of Satan, lemme tell you.
There you go. Problem solved.

>>739893752
Don't fckin get it either..
It's just a real deep lvl of moronic sht performed by all kinds of cunts all around the world..

>>739899523
That's why at age 21, I got a vasectomy.

>>739899712

Damn. How'd you get one so young? My guy just got one at 23 (almost 24), and the doctor VERY reluctantly agreed to perform it, after much persuading.

>>739900134
They tried to persuade me and tried to tell me that I was going to ''regret'' it etc. I will want kids in the future etc.

7 years later, I'm happy and I still hate kids.

It isn't the kids that are the problem it is the nigger ass parents. Cats and dogs are really good but if some fucking retard let's them run all over the neighborhood cause chaos then it sucks. I say go after the parents as hard as you can. Try and ruin their fucking lives.

>>739900393

This. This pisses me off SO MUCH. "You're gonna regret it." Go fuck yourself doc. Do you know me better than I do? No. Is birth control fucking expensive and sometimes unreliable? Absolutely yes. I guaran-fucking-tee you that if I were black and I asked for it, they would give it to me in a heartbeat. Get the fuck outta here with your patronizing, religious, racist bullshit.

>>739900638
I know. Kids are kids. I hate them but I don't wanna kill them or hurt them too badly.

How will I go about my revenge on the parents?

>>739900783
Rape the parents instead

>>739901041
Rape the wife in front of the husband. hmm

>>739888347
this is why i hate kids because they are totally oblivious to anything and everything and don't give a fuck if they mess everything up

>>739899712
I'm a wuss when it comes to any kind of pain, but I swear that even so I'm feeling very tempted to do the same just for the peace of mind.. I'm 24 btw

>>739888347
>kids destroy property
>kids leave trash
Security cameras and lawsuits. Or start with repairs and clean-up professionals, and send the bill to the appropriate neighbors.

>>739900783
Start pressing charges after each and every thing the kids do. Get some home security cameras so you have proof then show it to the cops. You should also take pictures and document anything these assholes break and sue for damages. You could also get restraining orders on the kids and just have their asses sent to juvenile hall. If you can get the parents or kids brought up on charges don't go faggot and drop them because you feel sorry. People these days think that they can do whatever they want and never face consequences. These mother fuckers need to learn one way or the other.

>>739901341
Doesn't hurt much and the operation literally takes like 20 minutes.

>>739901341
Vegan Gains got a no scalpel vasectomy.
Look it up. It's painless. But for a few weeks it will be extremely sensitive to pain. You'll have to get over it. But generally vasectomies that are modern don't hurt as much after compared to scalpel ones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfbzO2lnXyE
Video related.

>>739888832
Niggers etc cheese

Grow some nice poison ivy at the front of your lawn.

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>>739888665
nigga ever heard of
>pic related

>>739901592
Vegan gains is also a massive fucking retard. I wouldn't trust anything that nigger says.

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>>739889256
make sure you got the fast hands perk so you can get that 25 kill streak before they run away

>>739892119
There is your problem. Cuckafornia..Practically not even a US state at this point.

There are a long list of nasty horticultural items that are common landscaping plants.
Chainlink fence and barberry worked nicely at one place I lived.

>>739901727
You can't say that this video is neccessarily incorrect, he's explaining the experience of having a vasectomy. You both hate kids. Just because you think he's dumb, doesn't mean the experience he describes can be incorrect. His opinions =/= His reliability with other matters

>>739901727
It's not like he's making a theory or speculating... He's literally describing his own experience. To argue that his stupidity would change experience of a vasectomy then you are the "massive fucking retard"

>>739901992
I can't say that he is wrong for sure but going off of he has said/done in the past it is safe to say he has a reputation for shitty information. Maybe linking a medical artical or video from a reputable source.

>>739902189
But with people like that you never know if they are telling the truth. He could have made all or part of it up.

>>739902280
I've seen his videos, he has reliable information on most of his videos. Also most information he ever discusses in his videos are studies. This isn't a study, this is just a man sitting down and explaining how it is to get a vasectomy.

>>739892502
>be 12
>be OP's neighbor
>walking down the street one day on my kickass bike
>notice oldfag's house
>decides to go put some skid marks on his driveaway
>OP opens door like some fucking spacestation
>OP appears with some mutant pitbull with a 12 inch red rocket
>I start to ride away as fast as I can
>OP lets go of the leash
>I'm going a solid 20 mph
>this dog is chasing after me like Usain Bolt with his 12 inch flinging around
>I'm getting hit a curb when Im not looking
>im on the ground now and this doggo starts to mount me
>he tears apart my jeans and starts humping me
>i feel his red rocket inside of me now
>his warm cock inside my anal cavity
>he cums and walks off
>i stay there crumpled up with dog cum streaming out my ass

>>739897912
>Are retarded?

>>739888428
This. Get dogs and make sure your gate is locked. If not build a stone wall with the fences with the points. Put a no trespassers sign and no solicitators. Get mean looking dogs but keep them trained. I have a kid and I would beat him if he ever acted like this. Your neighbors are shitty people. My neighbors suck ass to. Wanna be gang bangers. Fuck them.

>>739902387
Why would he lie about experiences with a vasectomy? Personally I actually think his content is good and that his information is reliable. But if you are correct, I'll leave it at he has much more to lie about if he really is bull shitting every thing considering he's vegan he would be very busy "lying" about a whole entire life style that changes a lot of your life.

>>739902387
I'm not saying you have to, but at least watch the video I put in because you might as well hear it. You can listen for yourself, and you can decide if it's reliable or not. But at least give it a shot, don't just immediately categorize a video because of the uploader.

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>>739888347
heres a solution
>make all of your plants poison ivy
>faggot kids cant mess with plants without being in a shit load of pain
>get a big ass dog
>have dogbro hang out in front of house
>scare dipshits away from house as a whole
>get fireworks that are loud but legal and set them off on the ground if kids fuck with you
>just ignore kids for a while but dont get rid of the poison ivy or dog
>just pretend they dont exist
>after a while of laying low get some of your own shit
>throw on to window of kids bedroom
>bonus points if it actually goes in if the window is open
>dont get caught
>kids will be so pissed off because of shit prank that they will forget about you as a whole
>dumb kids wont suspect you if you lay low for long enough

>>739902723
That dude is a fucking nut case. He was talking about killing some dude in his videos. Not to mention youtubers lie about their lives all the time for views, this is not a new thing.

>>739888666
Now OP has to do it

>>739903660
He's made disclaimers in future videos because of people like you. He mentions that he's been sarcastic about most of that shit. He doesn't mean it at all, lmao. He's saying it for shock and attention, lots of Youtubers do this as well to get views.

I have an idea OP.
Stare at them through your window until they leave.
If the parents say shit deny it.

>>739888347
How old are these kids? Why don't you just talk to them and ask them not to break things or kill your plants without sounding like a crazy angry dude?

Alternate approach is to harness their shitty behavior for good. I have artist friends with a place in the ghetto. It's crawling with potential delinquents. They started giving the kids leftover art supplies every time they wander over, and it ended up turning them into civilized human beings, with their property completely immune to any crime or vandalism. Like the whole neighborhood reveres it like a church. You could probably do the same thing with a vegetable garden in the yard.

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>>739904028
>WTF?
Watches at 0 $?

>>739905365
Fuck off with your watch advertisement shit. It's not free.

>>739905310
They can't sue me for staring.

>>739905321
They range from 4 to 12

>>739905625
Seriously, try a little community vegetable garden in a corner of the yard. Kids don't fuck with things they feel pride and responsibility for. It tends to make them police each other, too.

>>739905995
Too much work.

>>739902611
Why the parents would just end up shooting it. I say he should make homemade landmines.

>>739906198
Make sure it's a mean borker too

>>739906034
Yeah, well. Enjoy the next 10 years of obnoxious kids. If you're still around when the neighborhood cycles over it'll happen again.

>>739904028
I don't see why you think admitting that he makes stuff up for views helps the case that he is honest.

>>739905995
>Seriously, try a little community vegetable garden in a corner of the yard. Kids don't fuck with things they feel pride and responsibility for. It tends to make them police each other, too.
That means you are inviting people to hang out in your yard. Inviting. That means you lose a lot of rights, and also expose yourself to law suits if they hurt themselves. People don't allow trespassing just because they're grouchy, they prevent it because of how things escalate. If theres a fight, you're at risk. If they break an arm, its your fault for having a cracked sidewalk. If they get caught with beer, they'll say you gave it to them. They'll snoop in your garage, peek in your windows, and your yard will become a hangout. Don't be a fucking idiot.

>>739888428
But dogs are...intermediary kids.
Constantly having to clean up after/buy food for.
House smells like shit because of...shedding...
Walking...constant attention being paid....

Can't a motherfucker get home from a job and
be BY HIMSELF and not deal withe exterior bullshit? Fuck man...

So I need Rusty to stave off Steven next door and Jerome lurking? Then I have to feed Rusty his shit and scrape up his shit...just so I can get a few hours of peace? Fuck off....

>>739907067
Yeah. I want as little responsibility as possible.

>>739888347
You can always molest their kids I suppsoe

>>739907172
You owe it to yourself, my brother...
Ever been to that dude's house where he has three dogs?
Sit on his couch...and it's like...dog hair everywhere...could be cats too.
All on my shit...I don't even have a roller, now I have to do some duct tape shit....
Because of your neediness....same with kids. Kids and pets....

The other side...so Jerry just loves Stephen Universe....while beating the wall!
So this needs to be on full blast all day long, while we casually discuss things.
GREAT SEEING YOU AGAIN! N-no...really...I may be back in...next never-uary...

Work hard...save money...LIVE FOR YOURSELF
Fuck man...life is weird...

>>739890482
>actually considered it.

>>739894002
>domesticated a flock of crows
How?

>>739888347
Preach, kids are little pieces of shit, all of them.

>>739896278
So... let me be the sane voice for a sec... don't do ANY of this.