Ok so story time >be me, in 5th grade >my class had this

Another story, because why not

>be me, in 5th grade still
>sitting in class, messing around with crap on my desk because ADHD I don't give a fuck what you say
>Suddenly feel the urge to fart
>lift up right asscheek preparing for nuclear blast
>out pops a fucking golf ball sized turd
>I panic, my right asscheek still hoisted high in the air
>I casually asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom
>she said hold it for a minute, I've got something important to say
>tell her that I'm about to piss myself
>she lets me go
>turn the corner as soon as I walk out the door, a few steps later and the turd falls out of my pant leg
>it rolls around on the ground for a bit
>nobody saw, just keep on casually walking
>Go to bathroom, clean up the mess of shit all over myself
>walking back to class, and I notice the turd was stepped on
>a line of kindergarten kids was walking by, and they pointed at the now flattened shit on the ground saying "COOKIE"
>I just casually walked by as the teachers hurried the kids away from the flattened cookie turd
>get back into classroom
>notice a horrid smell
>turns out it was the kid that sat next to me that stepped in the turd.
>tfw I had to deal with the smell for the rest of the day
>tfw karma got me instantly
>smells worse than the piss bottles I have at home

How about another story

>Be me, 15 years old, 9th grade.
>I am a lonely anon, no friends, I just use my computer in the basement with my piss bottles and cum rags everywhere
>One day at the bus stop, a new kid in the neighborhood was there
>try to introduce myself
>held my hand out for a handshake
>he looked at it for a minute, with a face that said what the fuck
>awkwardly grabbed my hand and just let go
>what the fuck
>we talk on the bus, he seems cool
>fastforward a week
>I realize this guy is a pot smoking junkie who shoplifts all the time
>he dragged me into shoplifting once, I stole a pack of gum
>we started doing it more and more often, even getting to the point where I would steal a whole carton of egg nog around the holidays.
>started stealing nerf guns from the shitty run down Kmart next door
>we used them to shoot cars while safely perched in a tree
>kept stealing nerf guns and candy for about two months
>eventually, Marco got the balls to steal a tracphone
>he pulls it off not once, but three times until his parents catch him with a phone, because he isn't allowed to have one
>ok whatever kid deserved it
>Start going to store myself
>he tells me on bus to not do it without him
>fuck what he says, he got me addicted.
>end up stealing a few more nerf guns on my own, even getting ones that cost over 100 dollars
>fuckyeah.jpg
>end up going to Kmart one day and see a small, red nerf pistol in an opened package
>because of the scanners they have at the doors, I have to unpackage everything
>Figured it was easy pickings, already unpackaged
>stuff it down pants
>as I'm walking down to the front of the store, I hear over the intercom "Security to the front of the store"
>I panic and run to the sports section, where I stuff the gun in my backpack
>I'm walking to the front of the store again, not thinking at all
>mfw a lady grabs my shoulder
>I jump so much that I literally fell and the nerf gun went right up my ass

To be continued

>>739490628
Continued

>I get up with the nerf gun and thin backpack wedged in my ass
>See it's store security
>Panic and back inside the store
>go to the bedding department and hide under the beds
>feels like my dusty home
>I lay there for hours
>eventually, the store closes
>Realize I'm locked in the store
>End up getting out from under the bed
>I see security walking around, they see me
>ohfuck.jpg
>start running
>remember that I still have the nerf gun wedged up my ass
>stop to yank it out
>the security grab me and pull me into a back room
>they sit me down
>feels cold for some reason
>realize that when the nerf gun went up my ass, it ripped my pants and underwear
>tfw they get the stolen nerf gun, and it's covered in shit
>they just hand me the gun back and let me free
>as I walk out, I rip a massive fart
>fucking normies underestimate my power

>>739489456
>>739489796
>>739490628
>>739490896
Please for the love of Kek, keep going.

>>739491013
As a request, I will keep talking about my autistic life

>Be me, 3 years old
>walk downstairs from bedroom, turn the corner to see mother making tendies and father mowing big backyard
>I thought to myself
>I will remember this moment
>I still remember that moment

How about another

>Be me, 8 years old
>choking the turkey for the first time
>reach orgasm, think that I have to piss
>run naked downstairs to the bathroom, with parents watching as my shriveled little dick flops around aimlessly
>run to bathroom, end up getting nothing out because I can't fucking cum yet
>Stand there for the next 30 minutes rubbing it out and trying to piss, with no luck
>mother walks in on me rubbing one out
>hfw her 8 year old son is rubbing one out in front of the toilet thinking he is needing to piss
>the first thing I do
>is I
>Look at her
>and I say
>"Where yellaw leequid"
>end up collapsing on floor because of headrush
>end up in ER because I hit my head on the toilet seat
>I'm in the ER naked, oh fuck
>this blanket isn't going to help
>fucking normie fags going to see my peepee
>jump off cart and start running around hospital, my 8 year old penis flying majestically through the air
>I black out and next thing I know I wake up driving home
>parents wouldn't talk to me for weeks after that
>t'was 4 years since I jacked it again

next dubs gets to choose the next story I read

1. turd in bounce house
2. clogging toilet, causing entire basement to flood
3. farting so hard/loud my neighbors could hear it
4. brother split lip with wine bottle opener
5. got toothbrush stuck up ass
6. pissed on my dog as a baby

>>739490896
>I lay there for hours
>remember that I still have the nerf gun wedged up my ass

Kek

>>739491905
Tootbrush up the ass

>>739491950
It was wedged up there pretty good

>>739492022
Well shit, that was fast

>Be me, 12 years old
>brushing teeth in bathroom
>I do my usual thing, rinse, then chug the mouthwash (kidding)
>I was doing this in my underwear
>the underwear was pretty big on me, so it would sometimes fall off me
>exactly what it did
>I stand there, butt naked with the bathroom door closed
>As I pull it up, my finger slowly glides across my asshole
>I get curious, and I jam it in my ass
>Feels surprisingly good
>look at toothbrush
>fuck nah, not using mine
>grabs brother's toothbrush, he's a normie fag anyways
>water it down
>lay on floor to get a good angle
>start to push it slowly into my ass
>oh how it hurts, but it feels so oddly good
>Keep pushing it in
>Don't realize how deep I'm going until it's too late
>can't grab toothbrush, it's stuck up there
>I stand up and run downstairs, completely naked
>run to daddy who questions me and why I'm naked
>screams random shit that I didn't even know what I was saying
>Was hopping around pointing as my ass
>eventually squawk the the words out "TOOTHBRUSH IN MY ASS"
>Hour later, is laying in ER
>Doctor puts glove on
>ohfuck.jpg
>He grabs some sort of alien device
>it spreads my ass apart
>FUCK IT HURTS
>he manages to pull it out of my ass
>hfw it's covered in blood
>my parents stand there horrified
>two hours later, find ourselves at home
>parents sit me down for a talk
>I just tell them that I dropped it as I tripped and fell and it happened to get lodged up my ass
>mfw they believed it
>I ended up shitting blood for the next two weeks
>Being gay is a sin, don't even test it. God gave an atheist robot the wrath of the toothbrush.

trips gets the next story

1. turd in bounce house
2. clogging toilet, causing entire basement to flood
3. farting so hard/loud my neighbors could hear it
4. brother split lip with wine bottle opener
5. pissed on my dog as a baby

Bounce house.

Also, I have to take a shower, so I'll be a while.

>>739492777
Holy fuck kek wants to hear this guys stories

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Bamp. Enjoy your shower, anonymous.

>>739492777
So, the bounce house story

>Be me, 5 years old
>Having first Birthday party after moving states
>Somehow had friends to go to it, don't remember how
>anyways, me and my friends went to this local place called "bounce" which was basically just a giant shop in a shopping center that was filled with, you can guess, bounce houses.
>We all go spread apart and cause mayhem
>I go to this obstacle course one, hear some screams near the side, don't think otherwise.
>climb to top of ladder
>there is a slide
>I love slides
>goes down slide into tall inflatable pillars that you have to knock aside to get through
>ends up landing face first in a turd that had fallen out of a babies diaper.
>mfw I realize why they where screaming
>mfw I ended up getting shit for my birthday
>they had to take me out to the back and hose me off
>afterwards, I walked back in, completely soaked
>We just took the cake and left all the other kids there

quads gets next pick
I'm expecting bots


1. clogging toilet, causing entire basement to flood
2. farting so hard/loud my neighbors could hear it
3. brother split lip with wine bottle opener
4. pissed on my dog as a baby

>>739495343
Your life seems like a huge string of unfortunate events

>>739495760
I think quads is a bit too hard, but just in case the basement flooding

>>739495849
Nope, just autistic like you and everyone else here.

Rolling, but just in case, 1

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>>739495760
Rolling for 2
finally a good thread on /b/

Rolling for 2 this is a lovely thread

>>739492640
spoiler: they did not believe you

>>739497195
Probably not

>>739489456
I had an elementary school teacher who was on the price is right too. She was blonde and she showed us on the last day of school.

>>739491125
YOOOO I'VE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING

>>739497579
But was it with a couch? Because I think I've seen that thread.

>>739497748
Hmm no?
Anyays roll for 2

I'll be nice and lower it to trips

1. clogging toilet, causing entire basement to flood
2. farting so hard/loud my neighbors could hear it
3. brother split lip with wine bottle opener
4. pissed on my dog as a baby

>>739497994
Rolling 1

>>739497994
4

>>739498669
heh, 69

No takers yet? Wow people.

3 the split lip story

3 split lip story

Nr 3

3 pls

>>739499474
>>739499425
>>739499329
>>739499273
>>739499257
Itching for 3 much?

3 asdfgh

>>739499512
Ya im really curious :D giving up now tho

Roll for 1

>>739499622
Stay in tune, just in case it gets picked :D

>>739499694
Yep, I'll just wait for any story :D

Split lip

Me:: CS:GO is on sale for $8.50 mama please b0ss i suk yo dik

Mom: What I already bought you CS:GO last year,, the fuck?

Me: I got overwatch banned pplllls b0ss i w@nt csguuu

Mom: wtf now you want overwtach f u bru

Me: oh no well yea i do but too muc $$ so rip

Mom: that csgu is cuming ouuut of yoir collig tutin

me: dunt matter csgo > colgate anyway

mom: WAT! WAT YOU SAI TO ME BIC BOI NO CSGO FOR YOU NO POKEMON GO FOR YOU NO FOOD-TO-GO FOR YOU BIC BOI
.
.
.
*buys gcso*

me: ma this is Chinese bootleg of csgo pllelesss

mom: too bed u pley it

me: ԅ(¯﹃¯ԅ) y it so bad.. it's made by Calve is the C for Chinese

Calve: no the C means "shut the fuck up and play it""
me: theres nothing in that sentence that represents C you illiterate Chinese company wannabe-volvo

Calve: i forgot to add Chink.

me: tru im a chink boi

Mom: yea you are fgt now pley and get chinese skins so i pay for new cer

the end. ps she really did get that new car #fromsanddunetocar

>>739499913
...

>>739499913
did you actually sit there and type that out

>>739499913
Wha... Im..
Wha??

>>739500171
Yes, yes he did...

rolling for 1

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Keep the shit stories coming, im jacking it

>>739493624
I've been on this site too much. I was upset she didn't have a dick when I expected her to have one.

Roll for 3

>>739499913
Kys kakke

>>739497994
Roll for 1, Thank you OP for this thread.

Fuck it, I'll post the one where I clogged the toilet.

>>739500554


Also, that was so close to trips.

>So, be me, 15, at Sushi place
>Order 24 California rolls
>Yummy
>Not as good as tendies, but still good
>Fastforward, an hour, I'm home.
>Go to mancave of basement, filled with piss bottles and cum rags
>Suddenly have to take a massive shit
>I can feel my bowels expanding and pushing a monster turd out of me
>run up the stairs and plop myself on the toilet with the toilet seat up
>sit on the rim of toilet, at this point I don't give a shit
>unleashes hell, all I hear is the sound of wet farts and the screams of the Japanese as Hiroshima vaporized them.
>Literal fumes are rising from the toilet
>What the fuck was in that sushi
>Where is my mommy
>Shit, I'm home alone
>finish my massive shit, dropping the equivalent of what Niagra falls drops in a year
>my ass burns
>it hurts
>I spend ten minutes wiping and a whole roll and a half of toilet paper
>Close lid and flush toilet
>walk downstairs
>because of layout of house, in order to get to my computer, I have to walk under the bathroom that I just used.
>Suddenly, brown, murky water starts pouring from the ceiling
>holyfuck.jpg
>Literally showering in my own shit
>run to save piss bottles and computer
>have to run back through shit shower to get back upstairs
>fuck it, I've lived a good life.
>run through it
>fml
>as I go upstairs and back into the bathroom, the toilet is still flowing with water and it won't stop.
>water is literally flooded the bathroom and is leaking through the hardwood to the basement
>turds are floating on the top of the toilet
>what the fuck did I do
>run outside screaming for help because parents aren't home
>Neighbors come out and ask what is wrong
>MY BASEMENT IS FULL OF MY OWN SHIT I say.
>They just slowly walk back inside
>Parents ended up coming home a half hour later to a basement flooded with a foot of shit and piss water
>we grab buckets to empty it all out.
>took two fuckin weeks

Rolling for 3

Fucking sushi
>>739501351

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>>739501351
Aaaah man that was good - also roll

Roll for 4

we

rollwe

rollweW

3!

>>739503001
fUCKING GODDAMNIT

>>739503001
Kek'd

Rollen

>>739503221
Damn so close.

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>>739503221
Thats three in this thread missed by 1
Kek does not smile upon OP's stories

Roll for any story!

rollin rollin rollin

PI

pISS IS nutritios

asd

roll 4 4

tioo

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>>739489456
>>739489796
>>739490628
>>739490896
>>739490896
>>739491125
>>739491558
>>739492640
>>739495343
so the highlight of your life would be around 5th grade I take it.

roll 4 quads

>>739499913
> the demographic of the autisms on vidya

roll4 wuaddddd

453453

>>739504446
fuck

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>>739491558
>with parents watching as my shriveled little dick flops around aimlessly
>jump off cart and start running around hospital, my 8 year old penis flying majestically through the air
I lOST HARD

>>739499913
Kek'd quite a bit

Soon to be quad

>>739505059
Or not, misread something

>>739501351

here's another one:

>be me, 17
>go to Jay's house because Jay is cool
>playing vidya games
>Call of Duty ftw
>suddenly Jay pulls out his dick and starts jackin that shit like a mad dog in heat
>dude what the fuck are you doing???
>Jay is a faggot or what?
>Jay starts screaming and crying "i can't control it i have to it hurts help me!"
>Jay is fucking hysterical writhing as if in pain, as if out of control, jacking the shit out of his cock like a wild man
>what the actual literal fucking fuck?
>Jay keeps screaming begging me to help him, like what dude?
>finally i think he is serious and i'm like "dude what the fuck do you want me to do?"
>he's like "make it stop, help me just come so it will stop!!"
>i'm like "Jay dude i'm not a fag, what the fuck are you saying?"
>at this point his dick is literally bleeding it's so raw, holy shit man
>finally he's like "just touch it, touch it bro! HELP ME!"
>as he's writhing there in pain, i feel pity for Jay, so i lean over and touch it
>Jay's brother jumps out of the closet, phone in hand, yelling "you're a faggot dude, we have it on tape!" and running through the house
>mfw Jay punkd me
>mfw i wondered if I was a faggot
>mfw i am OP, therefore i must be
>goddammit Jay
>time goes by
>i get revenge
>Jay is no longer with us
>the end of this story

>>739505059
you thought

We're not gonna get the trips, OP post stories pl0x

I'll be nice again and lower it again you cucks. Dubs. but it has to be dubs of even numbers.

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>>739505334
Raul

Raulloin

Raul

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ROllIn

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>>739505334
Say no more. Here are some dubs I had laying around, I don't need em anymore.

I'm on a rol

PissGate

Durn

fdg

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Kek does not bless this thread

>>739489456
Happy or glad in anon faggy.

You destroyed a civilization in the past with your mind farts.

Wow, the lord kek needs to bless this thread. Any form of dubs will work at this point.

Doublru

>>739505176

kek'd

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LOR KEK BRING US YOUR DUBS

>>739506344
It is done.

>>739506344
FUCKING DUBS FINALLY

Gotta do something really quickly, so I'll be back soon to write the story. Go ahead and pick it.

>>739506388 >>739506344

Double dubs lmao

>>739506426
Slit lip

This thread is so great you don't understand

>>739506580
>>739506388
Kek willed it

Split lip story

>Be my brother, about two months ago
>I don't know what the fuck he was doing
>I heard him rustling through some kitchen stuff in the next room
>Suddenly, I hear screaming
>Me and mom run in the room to find a Wine corkscrew opener poked through his lip.
>Completely dumbfounded as to why he did this
>Kid managed to put an extremely dull corkscrew through his lip
>Still don't know what the fuck he was thinking
>To this day, weird changes have been made around the house. I can't keep my razor or toothbrush in the bathroom anymore because we are afraid of what he will do with that if he split his lip with a damn corkscrew.
>fucking cuck is blaring out music on his 80's keyboard right now
>Lord kill me

Now, next dubs chooses the next post. three options left.

Any

Rawlin for any

>>739507474
Does double 74 count?

write about your favorite OP

I donno

Thread dying! OP post plo0cxk

Fascist kekistanis must march on DC to Knight The_Don

Here, tell you what. You guys join this Discord server, and we'll talk more stories later :) I might even upload a few on here again.

discord dot gg slash FFJt22Z

Dewit.

It is a link that I had to change to get past the spam system.
>>739508358