Times you embarassed yourself. >walking on the street >girl

>>737367079

making this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP86YocGJ3o

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>>737367390
bootifel.

>>737367079
What a fucking embarasment you piece of shit good you didn't kill yourself yet.

>>737367842
my other hit single

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBtjfZ3raQ4

>>737367905
noice.

>>737367390
>>737367390
Stop promoting your shitty unfunny memes cuckfuck

>>737368596
how rude

>>737367880
I try.

>>737367390
>>737367842
>>737367905
>>737368455
Samefagging to the max

>>737369299
i think not

>>737369299
not quite.

>>737369299
alright, you got me

>>737369546
your IP counter says this is your first post on this thread.

>>737369408
im innocent i swar!!

>>737369408
>>737369494
>>737369618
>>737369981
Proof youre not samefagging here as well?

>>737370070
https://gyazo.com/969d7fbd0ae19164eba0c947aafb9ebe

>>737370141
https://gyazo.com/cacf152f4c088514e7c5756bfa20e402

>>737370141
>>737370191
why the fuck are people suddenly using this site, the image doesn't load for me half the time.

I went outside once

>>737370348
you sick bastard.

>>737370257
it's mac fags who use it to screencap shit

>>737370257
let me get lightsoft

>>737367079
> be me walking out of pizza hut
> see girl heading for the door
> she's cute, I'll hold the door open for her
> she sees me doing this, gives me a smile and does a cute shuffle like she's moving fast
> one hand on door, other hand holding pizza boxes
> no problem I can hold it in
> she walks up gives me a big smile and is about to say thank you when...
> I do a massive sneeze, head flies forward and hits the door. Fuck that hurt. Snot flies out and lands right on her white shirt
> her mood changes immediately, looks at me like I'm a freak
> I put head down and run to the car
> look in rear view mirror to see huge snot bubble outta my nose and already a bruise forming on my forehead

>>737370434
well that explains it, macfags are the cause of every bad thing to have ever happened on this planet, even before macs existed.

This thread sucks

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1

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>>737370728
2

>>737370683
Yep needs more greentext

>>737370758
god damnit I hate my internet

can't download shit off the internet

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>>737370635
kek, nice.

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>>737370728
>>737370758
>that skin

>>737370954
what's wrong with it

>>737371015
it's ugly.

>>737371052
no it's not

>>737371119
yes it is.

>>737371151
no it is not!

>>737371314
yes it is.

>>737371350
no it is not

>>737371449
yes it is.

>>737371350
>>737371314
That's it, anons.
You two have to fuck now.
First one who gets dubs get to choose pitcher or catcher.

>>737371485
roll

>>737371624
re-roll

>In Vegas,
>invite myself to a bachelorette part
>flirt with all of the girls
>big hit
>hottest one, a blonde, gives me her card
>three years later I figure it out
>she wanted me to text her so we could fuck without her friends knowing

>waiting in lane in Walmart
>10/10 qt
>She looks familiar
>She says "hi how are you"
>i said "Im fine what about you"
>She looks at me
>Notice headphones
>She was talking with someone
>She goes to another a lot longer lane to avoid me

>10 years old or so
>shit myself in class
>everyone smells it
>try to run away unnoticed when the bell rings
>everyone sees the big shitstain in my pants

>>737367079
This reminded me of a somewhat similar story I had.
>Be me senior year hs, after school
>Riding a bike
>Some girls drove by in an SUV
>Two of them were out the sun roof waving at me and screaming hi to me or something
>Wave back, but didn't have enough time to see who it actually was (if I knew them)
>Mid-waving, looking back at the SUV I ride my bike strait into a fire hydrant
>notmyproudestmoment.jpg

This happened to me except it was a public bathroom stall and we were both taking a shit.

>go to dog park with my dog
>big fucking friendly dog walks up to me
>I get on one knee
>pet the dog a bit
>owner smiling at me
>this dogs nose is so big and cute
>kiss the dogs nose
>look to the owner
>Not smiling
>start walking away

>making pasta
>nobody home
>grab a big slab of white cheese and start grating it
>my family loves cheese and eat it frequently
>brother appears
>sees me grabbing the whole precious family cheese with my dirty pasta hands instead of cutting a small slice and grating that instead
>he tells on me
>whole family looks down on me as they now have to buy another one and think of me as a unhygienic, selfish pig

>>737372589
you're lucky he didn't bite your face off.

>>737372872
I know, it was really fucking stupid and embarrassing. It was like a super friendly look great Dane. Still such a stupid stupid stupid thing to do. I JUST LOVE DOGS SO MUCH UGH

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Happened like 40 mins ago:

>went to wawa (7-11 with gas, for you non NE'rs)
>walk in
>kinda spaced out after a 9 hour work shift and not paying close attention to anything but water and food
>girl walks in
>makes eye contact with me and smiles
>look away for no reason
>Think "oh shit, was she looking at me? Do I know her?"
>brush it off
>think im a bit delirious from work still
>continue about my business
>get into line
>same girl gets behind me
>"hey anon"
>kinda look back over my shoulder
>brush it off yet again and ignore her
>pay and crack a joke with a familiar cashier
>begin to walk out
>hold by the door for a sec to pocket my keys and wallet
>feel a tap on my shoulder
>"ANON"
>its her
>"Oh.... howdy!"
>begin to over exert enthusiasm
>"Its been too long... how you been?... etc"
>shoot the shit for all of 2 mins
>we both begin to leave
>"See you around Anon!"
>Me: See you later Melissa!
>Get in my car all swinging dick cause I thought I faked my way through smoothly


>drive for like 4 mins
>MFW her name was Ashley
>MFW I grew up with her and have known her for 20+ years
>MFW she lives 2 doors down and I see her parents almost daily around the neighborhood
>MFW I just realized I left my water on the counter at Wawa

Im a fuckin certified aspie. Someone kill me.

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>>737373030

>>737373030
kek

>one day don't feel like going to class
>go to a nearby college and spend time in the library's computers until class ends so I can go back home without my parents getting suspicious
>hours later while browsing the internet I hear a voice behind me saying ''Anon?''
>nearly shit myself
>look back and it's one of my teachers
>didn't know she worked here too
>she realizes what I'm doing
>had to remember this embarassment each time I saw her from then on until I graduated

at least she didn't tell my parents.

>>737373030
>wawa
Ma boy. You in PA? You better have gotten some of that store brand half and half iced tea.

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>losing virginity
>8/10 with makeup whore
>get her fucked up
>bang
>try awkwardly slipping my dick into her unsuccessfuly for a solid minute
>start, and start slow
>that's the wrong hole, mister
>mfw

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>>737373326
>>737373575

Here's another from about 2 years ago:

>GF breaks up with me
>I was cheating on her, she was pissed
>anyway, see this as an opportunity to try tinder
>heard 50/50 things, figure its worth a shot
>within a few days get a good amount of responses and manage to set up dinner with a gorgeous, petite blond with blueish green eyes
>go on the date
>hit it off
>actually get a hug and kiss on the way out of the bar
>feel like i got her hook, line and sinker
>FFW 2 weeks
>have a 4th date set up for pizza and a walk on the beach/boardwalk
>decided to test my luck
>break my wrist in 2 places hours
before the date carving a bowl with my board backwards
>slammed hard and basically try to tough it out despite knowing my wrist is broken
>shower, shave and dress with no issue
>manage to get to the pizza place with no issue
>as soon as im there, she realized something was up
>keeps asking why im shaking and my hand is in my pocket
>explain how i fell skating and she laughs
>pay for the pizza, on to the walk
>walk like 4 blocks all sweaty and awkward cause my wrist is swollen as fuck and 11/10 pain
>she doubles back quickly and heads to the car
>get the impression she wants to get out of there
>fuckfuckfuckimblowingthis.gif
>offer to walk her to her car and say goodbye
>"....uh I guess thats cool"
>get to car
>try for another kiss
>get royally shot down and she offered me a ride to the hospital
>havent seen her since
>last thing she said to me was "Hahahahaha I told you, dumbass" after the hospital confirmed it was broken and asked her to sing my cast

>>737374031

South Jersey, 609 whaddup!

>>737374240
My first reaction was dying of laughter
My second reaction was wondering how you can fail so badly at sticking your dick in a vag, it's not that hard.

>>737374240
You fucked her urethra?

>>737374524
It was completely dark in the room, and I was coming at it from behind. I also never really watched sex-porn.

Being born

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>>737374738

>>737374595
Oh from behind, that's a whole different ballgame.

>>737374443
Ouch.

>friend throws birthday party in a fancy hotel suite
>end up accidentally crashing a filipino baby christening party
Long story..

>>737374879
Tell it.

>>737374842
God, I wish that whore was traditional. Style, good taste, semismart, but fucked everything that moved. Just wanted drugs. Feels bad, man.

>>737374547
HOW ARE YOU A BREATHING HUMAN BEING!?

>>737374879
Please do tell.

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>>737374981
I'm not, actually.

>>737374443
She seems like a bitch anyway if your wrist was that big a deal

>>737374547
virgin detected

>>737374879
Confused but curious

>>737375101
Yeah, it was totally the broken wrist that put her off and not the dude awkwardly pushing through the pain to go on a silly date.

Lol reeks of desperation.

>>737374240

eh could go worse

>lost virginity to a very grumpy ex
>picked her up after a party
>I was high
>she was drunk and mad I was high
>take her to a diner
>she tells me drunkenly if i was a REAL man I'd just take her virginity now and cut the BS
>ok fuck yeah, here we go
>hop into back of my chevy blazer
>go at it
>going.. well? I guess.
>get a "hey this really hurts, stop for a sec"
>pull out and produce the bloodiest condom ever
>she starts freaking out
>demands I drive her home
>2 blocks from her house offer to drive her to the hospital
>silence for the rest of the ride
>ends up texting me 2 days later that Im a jerk
>we fuck for another 6 weeks before I leave for college with much less agony

Bitch never even helped clean the doggy scoot stain she left out the tailgate of my whip from when she got out. I violently puked cleaning it. Fuckin cunt.

>>737374981
>>737375162
>being this autistic

> be horny 13 year old
> in bed one night, have boner
> decide why not fuck pillow for the 764th time
> going away like crazy
> call my pillow 'a little bitch whore who loves my cock'
> suddenly hear voice in the dark 'anon?'
> huh, wtf????
> turn around, my mom is standing next to my bed 'um.... um... I thought you might want some water.'
> I don't move a muscle, just lay there awkwardly hugging my pillow waiting for her to put the glass down and gtfo
> I think she was more embarrassed than me.

>>737375373
>737375373

>worked in tourism hotel
> got totally wasted
> fucking totally fat and ugly bitch i have ever known in a swimming pool
>security guard pulls me out from swimming pool
> starting to fight with him naked
> girl screaming
> light turn on in almost every hotel room
> swimming pool in the center
> got fired next day

>>737375373

I wrote that GT and in hindsight, totally this. Thought machismo would win her over, but I looked like a total idiot with a useless hand. To be fair, I was a tad heartbroken from the recent dumping and probably a bit woozy from the break, but it still doesn't add up to me getting any tail. Just makes me look bad.

Protip: dont be like me. Just be normal.

>>737375407
Why would she help?

>>737375407
Damn, dude, that's the worst story yet. I had my whole thigh, dick, balls, and everything soaked in blood banging some girl on the rag once. Same bitch straight puked ALL over my ass while she was sucking my dick one time. Shit was ratchet. I hopped in the shower and he tried joining, I was still disgusted. Ended up hate fucking her in the asshole.

Leaving the womb

>>737375577

She made the fuckin 2' pussy blood stain, it would have been nice to have some company...

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>>737367880

>>737375579

Why do they always think showering will undo the insanely nasty shit that you just got on you?

No, fucking clean yourself alone and gtfo.

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I cried while next to my crush at the time cause i got a 86 on my medchem test.
I thought id need an A to have a 3.5 for the next semester when applying to schools
>mfw im in a top 25 program but have no GF

>>737375561
Should have just explained the situation and rescheduled. Live and learn

>>737374517
609 is Central Jersey. I live in 609 too.

>>737375836
>autism

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>>737370463
>lightsoft

Get it nigga, shit is lit

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>>737375870

I did tell her right when we walked in, but yeah totally.

Been actually doing quite well lately, so I am learning. But shit, felt like such a doofus.

>>737375973

>609
>1/4th the state
>CMC aka the southernmost county in NJ
>'Central Jersey'

GO'AON NAOW!

>>737375445
fucking ded

>>737371672
roll

>>737375445
How the fuck do you face her after that incident? I'd have killed myself without delay if that ever happened to me.

>>737375445
This reminds me of a robot chicken skit.

Jesus Christ did you keep the door open?

>>737375998
not even, im just very poor and needed to get into a paid program

>>737375407

>tailgate of my whip
>my whip
>whip

KYS faggot

shit /b/ has gotten weak.
>>dropd plate
>>omg awkwrd >.<

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>>737376349

Good one.

>>737367079
i was just wondering who the chick was

>>737372714
kys

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>>737370635

>>737376499
me.

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>>737367079
TFW Emily has a sister.

>2 years after grad
>hottest girl of my school accepts to go on date with me
>this is my dream fuck
>we go out cinema, bowling, then hit a local bar (the nice ones with enormous fishtanks and a DJ etc not a dingy shithole)
>going well, hitting it off, catch her texting her friends saying im hot etc
>getting in selfies
>group of her friends appear (shes very popular)
>she doesnt want them with us but she feels rude to send them away
>i be a gent and offer to buy all her fun friends a round of shots
>she smiles and says once we've nailed the shots we will go back to hers
>go to bar, buy like 8 shots, come back
>she and all her friends are gone
>i wait thinking, oh maybe she's just in toilet or dancing
>wait 10 more mins, feels like forever, realise she isnt coming back and has blown me off
>nail all 8 shots in a fucking row and sit there feeling sorry for myself

>she somes back
>hey anon are you ok?
>I say "im great" but inside im hanging on to gravity for dear life, rooms spinning already
>"i gotta run outside for a minute"
>run outside and start hurling, full on fucking projectile level vomiting
>go lie down round side of bar to try and wait it off for a minute
>realise this isnt going to work
>wold of wallstreet to taxi
>go home, text her to say i had to run
>never spoke to her again

>>737367079
>be sleeping with girl
>hammered drunk
>spooning
>naked
>think we fucked
>the warmth of her body made me urinate
>sprayed the back of this bitch down
>she wakes up
>"wtf anon did you pee on me?"
>don't know what to say
>she jumps in the shower and I leave my friend's house.
>get called "Mr. Peebody" the rest of my senior year

>>737374933
I'll try to make it short:
>do internship in a fancy hotel
>shit job that requires standing up in the lobby 10 hours a day
>filipino colleague tells me he's throwing a bday party in the hotel, he rented a fancy room (the 2000-euros-a-night kind of room), to celebrate with the crew
>the day comes
>got 3 hours of sleep previous night because I had to move to another apartment
>last day off was 10 days prior, so I'm basically dying from fatigue
anyway:
>see a bunch of filipinos moving party gear upstairs (dj set, lights etc)
>ask them if it's for Colleague's bday party
>they say yes
>finally finish work
>head to the room for the party, to have a beer before going home
>guy opens
>"this is the bday party room, right?"
>"come in"
>"where's Colleague?"
>"he was downstairs I think"
>cool.jpg
>they invite me in, hand me a plate, tell me to eat from the buffet
>I'm the only white person here among fililinos, not even a single Chinese staff member around
>oh well
>sit down and eat a buncha stuff
>talk to an old filipino lady
>she's really nice
>everybody's cool
>I can't help but feel that something is off
>notice the small pink plastic stool I'm sitting on
>notice the pink cupcakes
>notice the baby strollers and moms holding infants
>notice the children-themed decorations
>notice the humongous poster with a baby's picture that says "happy christening to little 3-months-old [baby]!!" right IN FRONT OF ME
>the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together
>oh god
>oh jesus
>OH NO

Turns out that the real party was 2 floors above me. I had no idea how to deal with a situation like this, or who to talk to to apologize and explain everything.
So I went out for a smoke, talked to 2 filipinas who were also there and told them "I think I got the wrong room", we laughed, and I eventually found the right room.
(CONT.)

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>>737367079
Fucking millenial.

>>737376117
on it boss

I had a massive emotional breakdown in the middle of a trig class senior year. To everyone around me it seemed like it was over some really trivial shit. I had lots of issues going on in family and work life and just finally snapped. A few days later a girl from the class asked me what was wrong. I told her about the reason for the breakdown and she kept it a secret. I don't know why I opened up to her but I'm glad I did, it felt like I got some weight off my chest.

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>>737373030
Shit, son

>>737376964
hahaha op thats nothing
>be in bed with hot chick i got with
>get the shits in the night
>shit the bed, literally
>wake up in night and realise
>sneak out of bed, clean up
>come back, roll her in it, make it look like she did it
>wake up all surprised
>she thought it was her

>>737377151
Millenials are those born as back as 1980 and prior to 2000s.

>>737375836
Med student here. Scholarship dependent.
I know the feelings man.
Biochemistry is hard sometimes

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>be me

>>737377101
But the worst part is:
>next day
>pray to go they already checked out by the time my shift start
>nope
>fumble trying to explain to the couple what happened
>guy goes"it's cool man, don't worry!"
>woman goes: "you could've at least said goodbye!"
>the shame cuts deep

2 days later, I went into a filipino restaurant, and the first thing the chick at the counter said "hey you're the guy from the party!" - more in a gentle, fun-poking way, but still.. god damn. I was afraid every filipino in town knew who I was til my internship ended and I went back to my country.

At least these people are really fucking chill and understanding, I love em.
Remember to get enough sleep, anons. Fatigue is a treacherous bitch.

>>737377253
never change /b/

>>737373737

>>737376173
Yep.

>>737376252
Even now, 15 years later this is still at the back of my mind. I'm sure its still burned in her memory.

>>737376318
Door was closed. But I was so focused on the job at hand that I just didn't hear it open. And my face was buried in my pillow as I fucked the shit out of it that I didn't see the hallway light streaming in.

>>737376935
damn

>>737367079
>what?

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>Long-term gf just broke up with me
>At coffee shop trying to think of how to get my shit together
>notice cute girl is has been looking at me for some time
>smile at her and wave a little
>go back to staring at my coffee
>lock up to see her sitting next to me
>asks me what’s wrong
>little reluctant, think it’s a trick
>It isn’t
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>she was dumped recently too
>accidentally stare at her cleavage as she’s talking
>start to get hard
>feel a hand run up my leg
>see her breathing a bit hard
>asks if I like what I see
>guide her hand to my zipper
>she unzips my fanny pack by mistake
>spaghetti falls out
>try to clean it up with my sock
>start to cry
>get embarrassed and fart watery diarrhea all over my man skirt
>smear shit all over the window and ask her to marry me
>mfw she said no

>be me, grill
>bantering on Twitter about sports with guy that lives nearby
>slides into my DMs
>sexy af with a humorous, sarcastic side
>so many similar hobbies and fetishes
>escalates to flirting then ERP
>arrange to meet and screw in a hotel over a weekend
>hellyesthisishappening
>meet, sparks flying
>making out in the elevator
>hotel door barely closed when the tearing off clothes starts
>"What hole first?" I proposition
>"Anal as it's been too long"
>fuck like rabbits, bareback and no lube how I like it
>quick rest after he fills me
>15 mins at it again, this time fisting
>he's got one hand and half another in my pussy
>"this is so hot"
>intense orgasm, everything clenched
>feel a lot wetter than normal
>fuckfuckpleaseno
>he stops
>eye contact
>"umm, anon. I think you just pooped"
>tell him to go wash his hands and I scramble to sort the bed out
>clean up and go have a shower myself
>bangs head on wall, sure it's over and he'll leave
>surprised to see him still there when I get out.

He stayed until we had to check out the next afternoon and it didn't affect the mood too much, we got back into it quickly after. He was so sweet about it but I was so embarrassed as it was such a rookie mistake. Still hang out together, best friends.

>>737377592
What happened that made you feel embarassed about yourself?

>>737374031
>lives in PA
>Goes to wawa instead of Sheetz
>Kill yourself

>>737378871
>be me
>going to a party
>only virgin of my group
>all my friends have their gf
>one friend start to yell "I count to three and we kiss our GF okay guys ?"
>they count, and kiss their girl
>they all look at me and start laughing
>they're cool now, but I still hold a grudge against them and they all wonder why i never want to see them

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This actually happened to me a few nights ago.

>19 me
>at a bar with friends
>smoking weed and drinking beer at the smokers zone
>friend ask for a cigarette afterwards
>I don't have a lot of money so I roll my own
>rolled him the best cigarette I could with my current state of mind
>he says he wants another
>I replied "you want ass, but want it shaved" and started to laugh really loud
>after 2 or 3 mins look around to see everyone starting at me

>>737378838
Hey if a girl did that with me, if she a decent chick I wouldn't worry. I'd kinda feel bad for her and try let it slide.

You handled it well femanon.

>>737379264
That's mean but hilarious.

>>737378970
this so much. wawa is overpriced hipster trash bullshit.

>>737370635
that reminds me
>me 19 y/o be working at pizza hut
>work with literal 9/10 cutie
>talking to her while sweeping
>"ugh I have to piss soo bad right now" she says
>I reply with the horrible joke "you know we're not slaves, you can probably take a piss"
> "did you just make a slave joke? that's not funny"
>I don't reply
>fat guy comes around and says whats up to us
> I say forget it and laugh, awkwardness escalates exponentially. fat guy looks at both of us confused

>>737375089
chuckled.

>>737375445
Had to close my phone for a good three minutes cause I was trying to not explode laughing around people

>>737379782
How was it offending ?

>be me
>watching tv with cute girl I've recently met at a friend's party
>at her place
>2 am
>she gets closer
>she rests her head on my legs
>nothing sexual
>however, boner
>OHSHI
>she moves her head closer to my stomach
>I fart loudly
>FUU
>gets mad
>I feel embarrassed af
>leave

That was the last time I saw her.

>>737378970
What's so good about Sheetz?

>>737375836
It's called being nerdy

>>737380075
I guess because america used to have slaves? I dunno.

>>737379782
Haha. Awkward.

>>737380075
Um.. The big dude was prolly black.

>>737380220
how did your body manage to betray you so coincidentially?

>>737370635
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FUCKING PLEB

>>737380354
Name one place that never had any slaves. I'm waiting...

>>737379782
She sounds like a cunt

>>737380513
The moon