Well /b/, i fucked up. >Friend has a kid >7yo girl >Be

you're a pedophile, do the world a favor and kill yourself

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>>736612560
HOLY FUCKING SHIT OP
you fucked up big time only two options:
Rape da gril and an hero or live life as an excluded and despised waste of human resources

>>736612844
not what i had in mind, but it's an option i can consider, also checked.

Are there real people who can't control a boner? Sounds so cliche.

>>736612887
Yeah either go to prison, or risk losing my friend and maybe getting registered as a sex offender. Both are shitty, but one is better than the other.

>>736612943
well, it's either that, or tell your friend and let him beat your skull in and WISH you were dead.

>>736612560
this is fake

>>736612971
I can't obviously, that's why i'm in this situation now.

>>736613021
Fake or not, i still need some help.

>>736613018
Should i just book it, and go home? That seems like a good option when i think about it.

>>736612560
Hot story, the protagonist should fuck her at the end though.

Rule #1 of masturbation: secure your domain.

>>736613021
doubtful, my uncle used to rape his underage daughter all the time. So shit like this does happen.

How does she know what jacking off is? Just tell them yoy forgot to lock the door and she seem your wee wee. The end

>>736613081
>>736612560
Option One: You just need to talk to her and explain how the human body works. Explain that you're a guy, show her your penis and offer to let her touch it to see how it works.

Option Two: kill her and hide the body.

>>736613111
No, if you leave the kid alone that's another strike against you AND makes you look guilty. Just try something like you went in to take a piss, forgot to lock the door and you were shaking it when she caught you.

>>736613233
Well if she didn't know, she wouldn't scream so much.

>>736612560
>Kid is wearing a shirt and panties, nothing else.
what??

>>736613314
this

>>736612971
Have you never just woken up with a random boner?

>>736613233
may be her father tell her what it is.
stop OH SHIIIT.....

>>736613314
Just explaining what she wore, it's hot as fuck here, so i'm not surprised she would be comfortable wearing that. She probably dresses like that when her parent's are home.

>>736612560
If this isn't b8 then your first fuck up was making this thread. Don't explain anything, just act like things are natural. You technically didn't do anything illegal per say, since all you technically did was jack off. Just act like nothing happened, and tell your bro she's been acting up all day. Throwing tantrums, screaming, throwing things, the whole 9 yards. When he comes back he will be mad at her and probably will just think she's lying to get you in trouble. If that doesn't work, deny deny deny everything, and cut off all contact with them

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>>736613153
living with 3 roomates. you gotta get fucking creative sometimes

>>736613247
Good idea thanks. i just hope i can explain it without looking like a lying sperg, i was never good at hiding the fact i'm lying.

>>736613247
>100%
>only logical answer

>>736613404
good idea.

Fucking kys you piece of trash

>>736613473
Just be like "dude, I was in their pissing, I forgot to lock the door and she came looking for me, cause we were playing with the legos". Well, when she walked in I was shaking the last bit of it out and she saw me".

shouldn't have let her give you a lapdance

>>736613473
and technically speaking, you didn't break any laws. You didn't touch her,rape her or force her to touch you.

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If when you were masturbating you were thinking of that 7yo girl then you pretty much fucked her.

>>736613623
"Fuck off kid, you are making me horny"

>>736613639
That's true, but we all know who the parent would rather believe.

>>736613639
Plus he can still beat my beta ass up.

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>>736613678
But i was having so much fun on your big lap anon!! :3

>>736613678
this

>>736613706
Not always. Kids have a horrible habit of lying

>>736613247
this
It's just a kid, she has no idea what you were doing.
Also, don't be such a massive fucking retard next time. And fuck some women.

>>736613755
for pissing? His kid should know better than to go opening doors when people are in the bathroom. That's parenting 101

Alright, thanks guys, i'll try to talk my way out of it. Honestly my ideas of parenting and all that shit come from anime and hentai, so i'm when it comes to stuff like this.

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>be me, like 4 or 5
>mother was a teen mother, so she was like 20 or so when this happens
>Throws a party
>"Anon go play with legos or some shit"
>lol k
>Just chilling in my room, building a tower repeatedly
>get bored, hear noise from living room
>Go investigate said noise
>See a hoard of black dudes watching some movie with my mom
>One invites me to watch the movie with him
>"Aye lil man you wanna sip o dis?"
>Sure, I'm young and retarded still
>"Tyrone don't let him drink beer!"
>"Nah the lil nigga good!"
>Take sip
>Think it tastes horrible
>Go to spit it out in the kitchen sink while everyone laughs
>Barge in
>Some dude is beating his dick in the bathroom
>like, LITERALLY beating his dick
>This dude is beating his dick harder than an angry man does his wife
>Scream as loud as I can, which spills the beer on the floor, and run away
>dude freaks out as my mom comes and investigates
You have to put yourself in her shoes, she walks up to see a man with his dick out, fully erect, looking at a young boy
>she has all the black people kick his ass
>He has to go to the hospital, almost dies of internal bleeding
>MFW

>>736614403
meant bathroom sink oops

>>736614403
>teen mom
>Horde of black men at her house
Your mother is a turboslut

>>736614593
was a turboslut*
she's actually great once she got off the drugs and stuff

>>736612560
Just tell your friend you didn't have sex in a while and you just had to jerk one out

>>736612560
youre fucked. even if you try to tell him she opened the bathroom door on you, you're going to flounder all over yourself and let it slip that you were aroused by your friend's 7 year old daughter.

the best case scenario is that you lose your friend and he tells everyone you're a creepy kid-diddler.

my advice is to accept this as a wakeup call and go get psychiatric help.

>>736614998
What can a psychiatrist do to change my boner inducers?

>>736613772
no u

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>>736615083
Mike "Diddle and there'll be spittle" pence can fix you

>>736612560
I only read the first 3 lines and I am already considering quitting the internet.

>>736612560
Sleepy boner

Are you retarded? Just fucking lie and say she saw you peeing

>>736615624
This.

>Anon what's this my daughter has been talking about
>Oh I just went to take a leak and I forgot to lock the door, my mistake

>>736615624
i always look autistic when i try to lie.

>>736615083
i dont know OP but i know it's a damn sight better than sitting around and pretending you're fine while quietly waiting and hoping to sexually molest a child.

>>736615747
You're dealing with a seven year old. They don't know shit about dick. Lie through your teeth like every other normal person on the planet.

>>736615747
You actually probably look autistic all the time

just fuckin say you had wood UNRELATED to her but she kept wanting to play and sit in your lap and it made you uncomfortable as fuck so you went and jacked off to try to make it go away so his fucking daughter wouldn't be grinding on your dick

>>736615956
This and nothing else

>>736615956
This is a dumb idea. Why would you ever admit to having a boner??

>>736616202
^ exactly.That's like saying " i did force her to give me oral, but I didn't make her swallow"

>>736616202
a kid says you were doing freaky shit in the bathroom, would you rather admit to the boner and have control over the story or deny it and become suspect to lying? Why would you lie about having a boner with a kid around that would automatically make you suspect. He must of had a boner, and lied about it BECAUSE it had to do with the kid!
Also OP don't fuck kids please, I know some of them may even be predatory (I know I was when I was a kid) but they really don't understand and it fucks with development. If kids are being sexual they should only be doing it with each other.

>>736616740
I'm really trying to contain myself, thanks to all the Japs out there, i can live out my fantasy without actually fucking kids.

>>736612560

>You were taking a piss and the kid walked in on you. How hard is that?

op update us

>>736612560
Just tell him you were taking a piss and she walked in on you because you forgot to lock the door, then she freaked out and locked herself in her room. She's seven, what would she even know about this kind of stuff. Seriously, assuming this isn't fake, don't do any of the other dumb shit the anons are telling you. It was an accident, she walked in on you in the bathroom, that's it. You didn't do anything wrong, she's too young to probably understand what you were doing anyway, and Her dad is more likely to listen to you than whatever weird shit his daughter's talking about. Just, next time say you can't take care of your friend's kid. You clearly has some issues, and as commendable as it is to not act on them, it would make your life a little easier if you avoided kids, if you're not going to get help for it anyway. Good luck to you man.

>>736616740
You talk like a fag and your shits all retarded

>>736612560
this anon>>736617406 again
Just update us so we don't think you got your ass sent to jail, I'd like to know shit didn't go down too badly.

Jesus Christ, kid. You may just be fucked. Oh, and get some help, dude.

Op goes to jail the thread

>>736614403
Áre you half Nigger?

>>736613673
is this a joke? it's sad i can't tell anymore

How does a 7 year old even know what masturbation is. For all your friend is concerned she walked in on your peeing.

This is bait.

>>736617395
>>736619154
Well he came back, i did what anons told me and said i took a piss. He gave me the brow but accepted my explonation, i heard the kid arguing with her mom, but i got my money and left. I think it went well. Sorry for making a whole thread about this, but i tend to panic in these kinds of situations.

>>736619789
op thank you! you might not be retarded

>>736619789
told you it would work. Gj op!

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but what if ur friend sees this thread?

>>736620381
He doesn't browse 4chan as far as i know, since h got with that girls of his, he sin't online all that much. He's kind of a normo, but i talk to him since we have been buds for so long.

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>>736620573
glad things worked out for u, anon

>>736612560
Yeah you should off yourself before your heart broken best friend does

>>736620753
op didn't technically do anything wrong though

>>736620674
thanks kind anon, you can't imagine how relieved i feel (pun not intended).

>>736612560
Fucking degenerate piece of shit

>>736620837
you on a site that any given time has 3-4l loli threads going, chill

>>736613005
You deserve both

>>736612844
>>736613554
>>736613673
>>736615234
>>736620753
>>736620837
>>736620920
You guys realize you are on a site that used to have actual child porn.

>>736621250
"used to"

>>736615234
>max erection?

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>>736621250

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lie, even if true, so what...five more year and she will look for things like that... probably here since there is so much kids. kekeke

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>>736612560

>>736621385
The board ceased to exist purely for legal reasons, otherwise it would still be here.

>>736612560
Dubs you show him this post.

>>736622276
Roll

>>736622276
How about no.

>>736622276
Rolll

>>736622276
Rolling

>>736622238
/b/ still posts it from time to time. Which frankly I'd trade all other posts for more fluffy ones.

>>736622276
rolling

>>736622365
>>736621758

>>736622276
Rolling

>>736622324
>>736622369
>>736622382
I'm not gonna show him even if you roll quads you fuck.

>>736622433
>>736622466
>>736622499
Kek has spoken

>>736622499
>>736622466
>>736622433
shit, get thread.

>>736612560
Just steal her panties and Jack off till your dick is raw.

>>736612560
Just say you had to jerk it? All she saw was you jerking it and she's 7. How's she gonna explain it?

>>736622499
If this post is
>>736522535
Then you do it

>>736613153
Whats rule #2 based anon.

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>>736612560

You were just jacking off so I don't see the problem. Tell your buddy you accidentally left the door unlocked but needed a fap. Any man knows that he has urges.

>>736612560
This is why you ALWAYS lock the door

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>I'm horny, there is a 7yo girl sitting on my lap, tossing legos around like they are fucking pebbles, and still have 3 hours to go


Put me in the screencap

>>736613576
this

>>736614646
>Once she got off the drugs and stuff

Holy fucking Kek nigger.