ITT: Useless/oddly specific superpowers. Super strength, but

superpower: if people dont share your fb post in 10 seconds their mother dies

>>736488298
The power to make someone's mother die in their sleep when they don't reply to this post.

>>736488362
yeah dude dont let it get in the wrong hands

>>736488647
You got any more? I'm trying to keep this thread from dying too quickly.

The power to move at the speed of light but you're still normal in every other way so if you ever used it you'd die.

>>736489177
FUCKING KEK

sorry the mental image i got was fucking priceless

the power to hold in bad diarrhea but if you hold it for longer than a minute you start burping and it tastes/smells like rotting putrid swamp ass

The ability to make someone else have a stroke, but it makes you have a stroke too. (It's a dice roll as to whether or not it's fatal/debilitating. )

or here is another low brow one


the power to turn into a roody poo but only when a kkk lynch mob is around

The ability to shoot projectile bologna from underneath your fingernails

power: Teleportation. but only inside buildings you already have been inside of

Invisibility. But since no light can reflect onto your eyes, you're blind when using it.

The power of invisibility but it only works while you're playing the trombone.

>>736489709
I just imagined a string of hauntings that involved the sound of a trombone.
Fucking kek

X-ray vision that only works on fat people over 60.

>>736489874
You win two internets, sir.

The ability to bleed whenever you touch butter.

>>736487653
Shape shifting but only into handicap people
>Busted legs
>Blind
>Deaf
>Downs

and so on.

>>736487653

Extremely powerful shits if you eat after midnight.

I have this power.

I use it sparingly.

>>736489471
KEK.

>>736487653

The ability to fly, but only while wearing one of the banners that air promotion companies use.

>>736490267
You don't have to type KEK every single time something is funny, chill dude.
Also, the power to wake up 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off.

>>736490399
That's pretty great.

The ability to slip on any puddle, no matter where it is.

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Super awkward smile to get out of any acquaintance

Super uncomfortable truths nobody believes like knowledge of jewish plans to control physics and never reveal the secret to clean renewable energy

Super hat tipping that's too fast for human eyesight

the power to greatly influence minds, but only while masterbating

>>736490555
Nice trips.

The ability to know for absolute sure whether or not the Holocaust was a lie, but not have enough evidence to prove either side.

>>736487653
The power to be speak any language, but become super mega mentally retarded doing it

>>736490733
Checked. Personally I think it is proven, just generally grossly overrated over other atrocities committed by mankind. But let's not digress. From a nerf the superpower thread I give you

>Can swim through any atmosphere, but can't breathe while swimming in the air.

The power of immortality but everytime you suffer (normally) lethal damage to your body you loose a 3.33% of your current braincells

the ability to summon ants

>>736490981
Be cool if you could hold your breath for an extended amount of time.

The ability to fall from any height and live, but only if you sneeze mid-air.

>>736491017
How many ants, and can you control them?

>>736487653

The ability to launch bananas out of your ass at super sonic speeds, but only when being recorded live in front of a studio audience.

The ability to communicate with plants.

>>736488362
pretty fucken useless

>>736491110
As many as can get to you in the amount of time you spend summoning them, and no, they just crawl all over doing ant stuff.

Ability to turn into a toaster but you can't turn back

ability to lose you're wallet at will

>>736491281
your*

Every time you put a T-shirt on it's the right way forward, no matter what, first time, every time.

>>736490470
This happens to me all the time, it's really fucking irritating.

The ability to stick to and crawl on any surface, but you vomit uncontrollably while doing so

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>>736487653
>Gravecat Neko

Ability to create food from nothing but it has no nutritional value and really doesn't taste that good.

The power to grow your cock to any length but only while you are alone.

Ability to teleport, but every time you do so you teleport to the Phoenix police department. Clothes/belongings are not brought with you, so you're naked with no ID in a PD.

>>736491587
And you are stuck in Arizona

>>736491633
My actual failed superpower.

>>736491333
Check'd. Also, I want this power very badly.

>>736489995
nudes of trump?

>>736490470
As a person who sleeps through EVERY FUCKING ALARM this would be nice to have

The ability to locate any object on Earth, but you can never look at it again or talk about it for the rest of your life

>>736491257
Is that an ordinary toaster or are you still made out of flesh and stuff? Like, do you have a spinal cord still and can feel pain and see? I'm just trying to get a mental image of what this is like.

The ability to predict dubs, but Everytime you post you post CP and get b&

>>736491777
>>736491999
>>736491555
>>736491333
>>736491111
>>736490555
Do what now?

>>736492092
Uh. Holy shit.

>>736490130
Hc assassin

>>736491455
So in essence you're not creating food, for food's definition in essence based on it's nutritional value.

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>>736491111
Jesus, nice fucking quads anon

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>>736487653
able to turn invisible/intangible when no one is looking at me

>>736487653
You can turn invisible but only when you're alone

>>736493531
fuck beat me to it

The power to sense when another man has an erection. Power can only be activated while user is also erect.

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>>736493703
this has some merit, do you get to know why they have an erection or just that they do?

asking for science...y;know?

the ability to always make the perfect dodge in videogames but you aim like you have cerebral palsy

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>>736487653
The potato whisperer - can communicate with potatoes, but it turns out they're all arseholes.

Lord pyro shit - the ability to combust poop into a moderately sized fireball

The anchor man - can turn babies into anchors.

Umbrella clown - can summon a clown with an umbrella, only when its sunny though.

>>736487653
super speed but only when your tongue is touching your dick

>>736493864
holy shit i think i have this superpower

>>736493926
does it have to be all the way on there or just the tip?

>>736493971
doesn't matter

>>736493926
>cut small piece of dick off
>salt cure it for preservation
>keep on you at all times for usage
>???
>profit

small price to pay but it fixes your power

>>736493830
Only when they do.

>>736487653
CUM 5 TIMES IN TWO MINUTES

>>736487653
Go back in time
But only if I kill a men called Dave

>>736494190
what makes this power useless is that you are required to kill a singular plural, which doesnt exist.

>>736494254
Exactly

The ability to say KEK after every single post without being judged

>>736487653
You have the ability to close your eyes and think the word "start" and when you open them you are now in an alternate time line. You can take a test, rape a girl, get in a shootout, ask out a long time female friend, gta style fuckery, etc. You don't have any superpowers in the new time line but upon death or closing your eyes and thinking end (just wanted to see how a situation would play out, wanted the answers to a test, got arrested, etc.) You are return to the same spot you originally left from your old timeline, like reloading an old save in fallout or skyrim. You can only choose to return to the most recent timeline and every time you return to an old timeline, when you "awaken" your body has aged one month.

>>736494420
KEK

The power to change your skin colour but only when there is a kkk member around

The power to fly north.

The power to turn your hands into feet.

>>736489636
That reminds me of that old movie mystery men where the guy had the power to turn invisible but only if nobody was looking at him.

>>736494150
Don't you already do that?

>>736487653
The Clean Break : Any and every time you poop, you NEVER have to wipe.

>>736494953
see
>>736493531

>>736494608
And you can only change it to black

>>736495311
That is NOT a useless superpower. I want that

>>736495365
What are you talking about anon...I don't see anything

Ability to cum buckets, but it begins as soon as you're erect.

>>736496074
you probably arent looking at the picture then

Super jump, but regular landing

>>736498342
>regular landing

what the fuck do you even mean by this? Your feet hit the ground, then you continue with your business, what other fucking kind of landing is there unless you pose (and it doesnt seem likely that the power doesnt let you pose)

>>736498494

You can leap tall buildings, but you land like everyone else does when they fall from hundreds of feet

>>736498560
oh so you mean you can leap....but you die when you hit the ground? damn be a little clearer next time (maybe you should have said fall rather than land)

You can make people do the nazi salute by yelling HEIL HITLER

>>736498962
I may have worded that a bit clumsily, true

>>736488362
.

You can fuck literally any woman in the world, but while you do she vomits, sprays diarrhea and pee.
(If you saw minority report, that sort of taser mace's effect)

>>736489636

Ive never fucking thought of this before, it would be fucking horrible if this was legit

Diamond gall stones.

the ability to recreate any image ive seen in my life, but i can only use black paint and must fully color everything in

also the ability to make captcha actually know what it is talking about