Going to serve a year and a half in prison, have to turn myself

What are u Goin in for anon?

>>735799150
Forced oral copulation with a minor.

I recommend watching After Prison Show on Youtube.

You won't go directly. You'll end up in a reception center for a month before they place you in an institution. on 18 months you'll end up serving 15 months. after they assign you a prison, and you land there, start right away requesting transfer to the closest prison to where your family is. It will save your family a lot of time and money when they come visit but also put you back on a bus where you will spend another month at a reception center in between moves. Moving around Kills Time, and keeps you out of trouble. The longer you stay, the more people you meet, the more problems you'll have. pick up a hobby and stay to yourself.

Obviously join a gang, you have to have someone watching your back.

Learn to enjoy the taste of ranch or asshole.

If you're white you have a better chance of ignoring the first two steps, but if not, please make sure you memorize steps 1 and 2.

>>735799012
Do you look "syrian" in a way? If yes then come to Germany and apply for refugee status. Destroy your all documents as soon as you arrive there.

>>735799246
Well Thats a Good start.. have u Ever seen big stan?
Do a anal tattoo and prepare

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>>735799012
Shit with kids, huh?
Here's what you do.

Go in there, find the biggest, meanest son of a bitch you can find, and explain to him why you're there. He'll respect you for being honest and trust you as a confidant.

Now aside from the sarcasm, you're fucked seven ways from Sunday pal. You're a sick piece of shit and I hope they find out what you've done.

Guess what, prison inmates don't like people. They ESPECIALLY don't like people who fuck with children.

Your best bet, and I hope they see through it quick, is to lie. Say you're in there for battery or assault.

Have fun being on the SO registry you scum-sucking maggot.

Kill yourself. They wont imprison a dead body.

Prepare for some forced oral copulation with Tyrone.

If they ask what you're in for, just say something like "arson". You'll be fine.

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>>735799012

when you go to prison, keep to yourself, read, and don't cause trouble. if you act like a little sperglord someone will do something. if you keep to yourself and leave people alone others will respect you for that, and do the same.

>>735799772
Kekarino!

>>735799150
Can't say under lawyers advice, but let's just say I was depressed and dumb

>>735799252
I'll check it out

>>735799370
Thanks man, unfortunately I don't have family who care about me so it wouldn't make a difference, I'm a loner, but ill try what you said just for a new experience/kill time

Do not let a n y o n e know what ur in for.... anything having to do with kiddos you will get your ass beat ...state or Feds op??

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>>735799012
>Get off the bus
>Go in to chow hall
>Find Big Joe
>Fall to your knees and give him the sloppiest, raunchiest blowjob of his worthless life, run your tongue over his veiny meat pole while his spunk spews into your throat, and drink it like a bitch
>Everyone thinks that Joe's gay now
>They'll kill Joe and it'll take the attention off of you
>Hide for the rest of your sentence while they all talk about how Joe was a faggot

>>735799894
They'll find out what hes in for, if he refuses to say they'll beat his ass and if he lies about it and they find out he will get shanked

>>735799012
Get a dildo, get your ass used to taking dick.

>>735800034
This or anal tattoo

>>735799591
My crime had nothing to do with kids
>>735799785
I was told not to let anyone know, and if someone asks, I answer "non of your business mother fucker" and be ready to fight, get a reputation of being a tough guy and not scared/weak

>>735800034
Just say you got aids

>>735800163
"Non of your business motherfucker" u gon say that to 10 angry shitskins rounded up around you?

>>735799252
I like After Prison Show. Kept seeing his videos in my recommended, so I decided to watch one, and now I watch most of his videos

>>735800186
They all already have that, that won't stop them.

>>735800163
No, no, no. Just politely decline the info. Then, if pressed, escalate. Don't use mother fucker right out of the gate. What if his mom is dead? Dude might kill you.

I heard a fun game they play is called tossing the salad. Something to do with rings, apparently passes the time

>>735800163 you should just lie. Saying that would get your ass beat, also you should tell us what you did.

Get tattoos and tell them uve done time before so u dont get the "fish rep"

>>735799246
Registered retard over here,

First of all you're not going into general population. The inmates hear you fucked a kid they're going to rape and beat you in site. Your going into a special floor. Have fun hanging out with pedos and rapists. Fyi, they're probably going to ask you why your in. Have fun being a registered sex offender when you get out.

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>>735799012
Here's what you do OP.

Trust no one, and whenever you can in a public setting, eat glass. Chew on glass, cut your fucking mouth to pieces and keeping on chewing that shit down.

People will think you're crazy as fuck but then next time to take a shit, you tell your cell mate it's filled with glass, just like your anus.

They'll think you're crazy and no one's gonna try to fuck an asshole filled with jagged glass.

Just hope they don't think about it for too long and just mouthfuck you. kek

>>735799246
If that's true, then good luck. Hopefully the keep you out of general pop.

>>735799246
You're gonna get raped and that's exactly what you deserve.

Enjoy your AIDS and having your own mouth jabbed full of big black dicks.

Jerk off to all your loli porn now because you won't have that in prison. Also after prison you won't want anything to do with penises so......

Hold a big nigs pocket, it makes him your bitch.

>>735800293
>>735800356

True havnt though about that, I'll just say some bs like robbery

>>735800404
Again, my crime had nothing to do with kids you autist.
>>735800456
Thats not me.

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First spend what time you can learning about retardation ALL YOU CAN, study it, learn it, then live it. From the moment they take you till you are free act like a retard, screech, play with toys, retard strength will come with it. Soon you will be master of the others through your retard strength, taking all as minions to the retard king.

>>735800602
Also does anyone know anything about this "good behavior" shit? What do I do for good behavior? How much earlier would I get released?

Pretend to be retarded

find biggest guy and suck his dick swallow cum and deepthroat.. later tell everybody that it happened the other way around (he sucked yours). people will find you badaass

>>735799246
Sex offences are kill on site. Be prepared to fight for your life when the prisoners find out, and they will find out

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>>735800611
>taking all as minions to the retard king

kekek, made me spit out my coffee anon you fuck

>>735800602
"Minor" it's a fucking kid to prisoners. Try calling big bubba and PEPE the pile driver that inside. It's your word against every fucking pedo your locked up with. You fucking retard sex offender.

>>735800709
He said he didn't do anything with kids like 9 times

>>735800163
If they give you a band on your arm, people will know your offense by the color of the band. So your SOL and may have to fight. If anything say the minor was 17. That's you're only hope.

>>735800660
Sex offender don't get off early and given the circumstances of prisons being privatized your likely to serve your whole sentence.

>>735800727
Can you read? He said nothing with kids you dumb fuck. Summertime.

>>735800004

this d e s u

>>735800841
Bait

>>735800823
He's in for robbery retard. Read the goddamn thread

>>735800823
For the last time I'm. Not a sex offender and my crime has nothing to do with kids if this is some sort of trick to get me to admit what I actually did, it ain't working

>>735800758
It doesn't matter

>>735800004
Dude, prison gay is a thing. Chances are Big Joe already has three dudes giving him brain with each meal.

This shit wouldn't land at all. You'd just be giving away the milk for free.

>>735800841
Minor doesn't change shit you fuckwit. He's a registered sex offender. That's all the fucking prisoners need to beat him up.

>>735800899 look at
>>735800905

>>735800841
>Be newfag on 4chan
>"SUMMERTIME
>Yay now I fit in

I recommend the TV show "60 days In". Shows you the perspective of like 7 different people at once. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do

>>735800923
He is in for robbery. Minor had nothing to do with it bitch.

>>735800961
Wtf does summertime mean? See I'm the real newfag.

>>735801009
So the final conclusion just tell us What u are in for anon

>>735800905
Yes because if you tell 4chin the details we'll know who you are. Obviously a kiddie fiddler

>>735800660
It depends on your sentence and the nature of your crime. You should have asked your lawyer stupid.

Are you going to prison or jail, big difference. PPL in jail are looking to get out and dont want to start shit, people in prison dgaf and it is much more violent.

Hope you get ass raped anon, forced oral copulation with a minor, have fun shithead.

>>735801172
Read thread. That was a troll

>>735800961
The guy obvs is a diddler. Never in my whole time in 4chan have I heard of someone going to prison for robbery and ask us for advice. This is as bad as the kid from Vidya who went to juvey for stabbing someone in a mall because he got fired from GameStop.

>>735800905
>with minor

yea anything over 13 is not a kid huh faggot?

Just fucking kill yourself. When you get out prepare for a lifetime of flipping burgers felon.

>Gay for the stay
>Straight at the gate

Come to terms with that

>>735800904
You sir, are a horses ass.

If you tell us what you did we can help you better.

>>735801248
make me you mongoloid baby raping period eating bushnigger

do sex offenders live in general population in murica?
we have seperate prisons for them here

>>735801016
He never told us what he's in for.

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Just tell us what u did OP!
We are here to help you and we cant help us unless u cooperate

>>735801456
Yes

>>735801313
Everyone is gay in prison. Sometimes county, depending on how long your stay is.

>>735801439
Separate.
I am a probation officer who works specifically with young men who have sex with minors.
Those kids have their whole lives fucked up because they could keep the peepee in their pants.

>>735799012
don't trade wit people. don't touch other peoples things. don't get involved in fights.

>>735801456
Okay I lied I did touch a kid.

>>735800841
Minor implies underage. A prisoner with an iq of 60 doesn't give a fuck

It's not as bad as television and movies would have you believe, at least not in the minimum security places.

Just follow the Golden Rule and you'll be fine.

>>735799012
Depending on the prison and what you're in for, most of those rules probably won't apply.

Those rules are more for like, federal rape-me-in-the-ass prison for committing repeat felonies, murders, rapes, violent crimes, etc.

if you're just going to county for a year and a half the people there will mostly be nonviolent people who did stupid shit and are just trying to mind their own business, and almost none of your rules really matter.

>>735801550
Macaroni time. Buck buck!

https://youtu.be/XFZVBO940wQ

>>735801572
Ever get your dick sucked from a probie?

If you drop the soap, just let that bitch go. You're not getting it back.

>>735799012
Here is an important one you forgot.

9. Don't break the law

>>735801750
Hahahah

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg
just watch some of the videos where he talks about his time in there

>>735801606
kek

>>735801652
this

In jail 99% just want to get out without getting more time on and don't start shit. If your a dickhead you will get fucked up eventually. Even if you are a bad ass a bad ass cant do shit against 40 gorillias in the shower.

>>735801750
Also
10. Dont touch kids

>>735799012
explain to them that it was a teenager, depending on how old you are it will be less. Let me assure you anyone saying that you can lie about it has not been to prison. From reading what you posted it didnt sound like pedophilia but more fooling around with younger teenage girls. You'll get beat but that's what you get for being a fucking sperg.

>>735801858
>40 gorillas in the shower
>Pull out a banana and toss it in the corner

You were saying?

>>735799012
Insert false teeth into your anus every morning and bend with your knees not your back.

>>735801996
Bananas are like hard cash in jail now since cigs are outlawed.

>>735802076
I do this every morning but thanks. brah

>>735799246
Hahaha! You're fucked!

>>735801996
>apes will fight gorillas for banans
>24 hour lockdown
>locked down for 24 hrs with a horny tyrone
>smh

you'll go to jail first. you will be locked down for so long, mostly in your cell, that by the time you get to prison you will be thankful because you will be able to move around easier, have more access to things.
Your biggest problem is not rape. It happens, but it isn't nearly as bad as people would lead you to believe.
Your biggest problem will be gangs and gang members. Have an answer when someone asks you about your set. Have the right answer. This is also the reason you don't just act like a bad ass unless you are one, and if you are then you're getting poked, so don't be a bad ass. Just handle your business and stay out of people's way.
You're going to get bored. You're going to want to talk to people. This is a mistake.
The food will suck. You're going to want your zoom zooms and wham whams. These are your ramen noodles, and other food items. Other people are also going to want these things. They are traded as currency. Three soups are 1 prison dollar, but it can change based on the prison. Stamps are also used as currency, and because it's easier to smuggle a pack of stamps than it is to carry thirty soups, stamps are the go to for money.
People are going to steal from you. If they're in a gang, just learn to deal with it or you could die in your sleep.
If you drop the soap, rape is not the first thing that is going to happen. Laughter, people will joke on you, but whatever you do, don't try and get the soap back. That soap is gone, let it go.
You need to get money on your books from the outside because earning it on the inside is a fucking joke. If you want your good time then you can't have a hussle, but hussles not only give you something to do but are also profitable.
Never give anyone your junie cakes. Those are your ass cheeks, and you should not offer them to people.
Never masturbate with other people around. This can get you stabbed. Tell your celly, your cell mate, that you're "going on a date" to let them know to not be around.

>>735799012
Watch the movie "Big Stan".
Literally your situation.

Enjoy anal.

>>735799246
Dude good luck. Typically when they find out they're gonna beat your ass possibly try to kill you. You better pray no one finds out.

>>735801996
pull a banana out of where?
you're in the shower you fucking mong, gonna keep a banana up your ass? that's basically an invitation showing how much you like shit up your ass

>>735801610
This, especially if your offense was nonviolent.

Once in you should immediately take up the intensive full time study of jailhouse law. Knowing your rights and/or the rights of your fellow prisoners can be a most valuable asset

>>735802412
On the bright side atleast the g spot is in the ass might get comfy ones he get used to it

>>735799894
Doesn't it go Fed in cases with children?

>>735802277
dubs of truth.
shame you can't paint or shit like that.

>>735802534
*once kek

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>>735802498
>2017
>Not growing out a banana Afro
>Afro specifically for stashing distraction bananas
>Never being to prison

Enjoy your assfucking faggot.

Rule numero uno. Always compliment their dick sizes in the shower. Even if they're small

>>735799012
atleast you're in U.S anon.

>>735801608
Wait I think we should trust this guy, he obviously knows how a brain with an iq of 60 thinks

>>735802877
YEA with the exception of European countries the rest of the world has complete shitholes for prisons.

>>735802277
This guy has seen too much aps

The idea that pedos are known and beaten routinely by the general populatin is ridiculous. Prisons can be sued if they let prisoners get hurt nowadays. Pedos are put in protected populations with other pedos. OTOH some pedos are not the nicest or least violent people around either.

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Prison rape in the United States
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

In 2001, Human Rights Watch estimated that at least 140,000 inmates had been raped while incarcerated in the United States

>>735801291
>>735799012
/THREAD all you fags stop baiting OP a minor is a kid to these people and they dont care about your opinion on the matter hope your going to a more relaxed prison because most of them are filled with people that get off or get rewarded for raping stabbing and beating scum like you and oh ya as another anon said better go jack it to some loli because this is the last time thats happening for awhile kekekekek

>>735801652
this

Don't talk when many can hear you, the more you talk the more you give away your weaknesses and reasons for others to hate you.

Find the best paying prison job and buy tobacco and NOT food. Only carry enough for a few smokes when you are in general population. Give people you dont like or know the last few drags of the smoke you are smoking if they ask, give people you know tobacco to make their own.
Don't trade.

I got my gf to smuggle hash wrapped in a condom, I would swallow it, then puke it up using salt water after.

Worked fucking hard in the laundry all day, got stoned every night I was in, read a lot of books, became known as the guy who never said much, always good for a smoke if he had and my cell mates loved me and looked out for me because I kept them stoned at night.

Prison was a fucking breeze, I am a bit of survival nut and enjoyed the challenge.

>>735803157
Only 140k? There are like 25 million in prison

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>>735799012
You better get in the Special Needs Unit. All chomos get it pretty bad. If i were you id expect getting jumped at least once a month.

>>735799246
Hahaha you're fucked

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>>735800841
>Anon can't tell the difference.
>"Im sure the reasonable gentleman that i end up in prison with will understand that im not a pedo."

>>735799785
Do not fucking lie. The truth WILL come to light and you'll be fucked twice as hard for being a liar.

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>>735799772
I kek'd hard

>>735803235
>Don't talk when many can hear you, the more you talk the more you give away your weaknesses and reasons for others to hate you.

>tfw this has been my guiding principle outside of prison

>>735803048
op has not seen enough

>>735799012

You should join a white power group, unless you're a nigger.

If you have to take a shit take one leg out of your jumpsuit so you can still fight off someone tried to fuck with you while you're on the shitter

>>735803235
whered you go fag because getting stoned every night is a little far fetched for prison at least the ones in America

I was in for same thing for 1 year (got 2 for 1 days).

(1) DO NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU ARE IN FOR. Tell them assault- you hit a 17 year old who rolled your house and he turned out to be a minor.

(2) Keep to yourself. Play chess. Don't really talk to people at all. Read books, watch TV, stay alone and just look depressed. Not weak or afraid - just depressed like you miss your family, etc.

(3) Consider doing solitary the whole time, It's really boring but you can sleep all you want and you will get 2 hours of freedom for shower and TV each day - maybe only 1 hour depending on the jail.

(4) Write lots of letters so that you will hopefully get some back. The hardest part of prison is getting back into society- it takes a long time- even years- to get over a short stint in prison.

(5) Get a prescription for anti-depressants ASAP so that when you go in you already have your medication and they will have to keep you on them while you're in there.

(6) Read the Bible and whatever they give you to read- mostly religious stuff and old books are available.

(7) Make friends with kitchen staff- try to volunteer for Trustee status so you can walk around.

(8) Try to save up money before going in so you can afford chips and candy from commissary.

(9) Play chess when you are in population- it's fun and uses mental energy.

(10) Don't gamble, don't borrow, don't loan, don't joke. don't ask people quations.

At the end you will be fucked in the head for a while but eventually you won't think about it all the time.

You will also get lots of rest and sleep- exercise as much as you are able. You are less likely to get cancer since no sunshine and you will look younger when you come out- but probably overweight unless you exercise enough.

When in a situation where you are going to have to fight- take a swing at the biggest guy first. Some of the other guys will wimp out, and at least people will know you are not afraid.

>>735800460
What's up with Americans and automatically thinking of big when they think of nigger dick? The Jews have thoroughly cucked you.

>>735799012
Prison ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet. Of course its shank or be shanked.

>>735803696
underrated

>>735799012
Why are you turning yourself in?

>>735804149
Because you have to do shit like that stupid unless you want to spend your life on the run.
Gawd damn you are fucking retarded. What are you 12 you stupid fucking shitbird?

>>735799450
Eurofag get out

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>>735803993
Of course

>>735803703
The UK
Everyone gets sent to max security when you get taken from court, but you spend most of your time in lockdown in your cell, I kept my head down, never looked anyone in the eye for more than a few seconds but not like a shifty coward, more like a ÿeah what the fuck look, milked my cell mates for info on who to avoid etc etc. They have a rule, where you just have to tell a guard you are invoking rule ###, cant remember the number and they transfer you to solitary, which is what you do if you are in for pedo shit, but solitary is shit and you cant work to get tobacco. After a month if you dont cause any shit you get transferred to a prison were you aren't under lockdown most of the day.

If you want to practice before you get sent down then go drink in the meanest shittest hell hole of a bar in your local town, so you can learn how to walk talk and look at people so no one bothers you...lol

>>735799012
Depends on what you did.
You can gamble, just dont do bets you cant cover. Poker is fine, and a good way to find buddies. And you'll need someone to shoot the shit with, prison forces you hang out with other people. Being a loner autist will make people wonder if you're hiding something..

The friendliest guys in prison are drug addicts, they will be overly friendly and ask somewhat intrusive questions. Stay away from these guys, all they want to do is get high and the trouble by proxy rate is high. Pray you dont have to bunk with druggies.

Get used to the idea of being bored out of your fucking mind, prison is just straight up mind numbingly boring. Read books, sign up for whatever classes they have, preferably some educational shit, but just retarded nonsense is good too. Try to get a job in the Kitchen, its the best gig to have. Dont listen to gossip, and even if you do, dont spread it. This is really fucking important. If someone is talking trash about another inmate, even though it might eliviate your boredom and sound exciting, thats shit you should not hear and can cause massive chain reactions of mistrust, arguments and eventually violence. Try to talk only surface level bullshit.

Dont assume anything about anyone just based on their looks. People can be insane at any height or frame.

Its not going to be a good time, but once you find a routine its going to be fine (never great). Good luck anon, i really hope you're not going in for rape or some shit, that means you're fucked.

>>735799246
the most violent criminals were molested as kids, and they'll take out their aggression on you. and the prison guards will inform them of your crime. enjoy.

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>>735802277
>junie cakes

>>735799246
make sure your b-hole is lubed up at all times.

>>735800186
then he'll get raped by the aids dicks.

>>735804856
Not really true in all cases, but many. Most violent niggers didnt have fathers around to molest them.

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>>735799012
>Anything else?

>>735800186
ya, and that's when the guy who's behind you ready to pound your asshole, and gets a wicked smile on and says "that's okay, i got aids too"

THEN WHAT??!!

>>735805691
Tell them you are their father and watch then break down and ask why you never took them to see how watermelon Kool aid is made

>>735799012

>lock up

Typical american bullshit that pretends to be "educational" but is all about cliches and shock value.

>>735805936
Eat shit, you huckleberry fuck

>>735800823
i thought all sex offenders got off "early"

kekekekeke

Damn, I was depressed today because I have to leave my home into a sad place for work in another country.
But then I read this thread and at least Im happy theres someone always in a worse position than me.

>>735799246
>Forced oral copulation with a minor.
so you raped a minor? Enjoy getting raped yourself faggot

Prison Rape. Also called Prison Sex. Great way to pass the time. My celli and I had an arraignment. We fucked a lot but since we were pretending the other was our wife/gf then it was ok def not gay.

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>>735803833
What, aren't the rest of the world as cucked as us?

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>>735799012

>Anything else?

Establish your dominance early. Look out the biggest, badest looking guy. Walk up to him with a friendly smile and knock him the fuck out. That'll teach the others not to mess with you.

does it matter to being a twink/skinny/thin guy? Im not tall neither 165cm

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Never trust a jew. Prison rape is mostly a hollywood myth.

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>>735806606

>>735799012
Weld anus shut and learn to shit out your mouth.

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>>735806606
Reason?

>>735799246
Did you suck the boy's cock or did he suck yours?

>>735806895
>implying in minimum security they don't shit kick you every day
>implying they won't make him suck dick
>implying the guards with kids will even give a shit

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>>735799246

>Forced oral copulation with a minor.

Like this?

>>735806992
>implying prisoners with kids wont knock his teeth down his throat.

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>>735806839
The jew always lies to his own gains

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>>735807073
but I did imply that

>>735799012
When you get out of jail, get a 1986 Nissan 300ZX Z31.

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>>735806992
>>735807073

>implying you have any idea what you are talking about

OP will be fine. Also the guards will go to prison as well if they suggest to the other inmate to hurt OP.

>>735807110
Give me 1 reason why they would make that up. Go.

>>735800660
Who knows, it's pretty random. I know a white dude who got three years for putting a gun to his wife's head and telling the police he was gonna blow her brains across the front yard. Fucker got out in eight months lol

>>735799012
You will be tested. Make no concessions, ever. If some fucker comes up to the table you're at and tells you to move, get up and knock his ass out.

Here's the thing. Not everyone who is in the pen wants to fuck you or steal from you, but a few do. These predators want one thing, easy pickins. If you show that you will never give up anything easily then the predators won't even bother with you because they don't want the hassle.

Besides that you just gotta be chill as fuck. Be hard when you need to be but be chill all other times.

If you see a white dude getting his ass beat and you're white then you have to get involved. It's political. You don't ever want to get the racial prison politics working against you.

>>735799012

Write those bullshit rules down in a notebook and refer to it when Tyrone and Jamarcus come over.

>>735801572
Do you work with young men because you like to suck their cocks?

>>735800961
"Hey moot how much does traffic increase during summer?"

"Not much" -Moot.

Fuck off faggot.

>>735799012
Here's the best advice you will get.

1. Ignore the tough guy crap, mugging people off will get you stabbed. Just be friendly without giving personal info out, if anybody asks you're parents are dead, you have no spouse and no kids.

2. Quickly find a service you can provide to other inmates, tattooing is best but just use whatever skill you have to make you valuable to all other inmates, you will develop a natural network of protection if you provide a service.

>>735799252
Big hurc bustin cheeks

>>735804454
UK prison is a lot easier than American prisons, because it's not full of niggers and mexicans.

>>735800602

dont say any crime with a potential victim because if you say it to an inmate looking for a fight theyre gonna say some shit like "oh yeah, motherfucker? my mom died in an arson attack" or "my pops was shot during a robbery attempt" and then you get jumped on. say you had a load of prior minor offenses and you got unlucky with some shit like you got in an argument with your girlfriend, neighbors called the police and ended up punching a cop and that plus your priors got you 18 months

>>735799012

If you were in the UK you could just convert to Islam and they'd probably open you up a new luxury suite cell, study rooms and beautifully furnished gathering space where you can shoot the breeze with your brothers and plot violence against the infidel.

>>735807182
>implying they have to suggest anything and not just turn a blind eye for a few minutes each day
>leave a cell unlocked
>ignore a threat they hear

>>735807182
>sticking up for a pedophile
fuck off summerfag

>>735806895
this

That's why everyone wants to know what your in for and how long, if you are on a short sentence then they will steal from you because they know you wont do shit, if you are on a medium sentence they know you might do something but it wont be violent, if you are doing life then they know you might kill them.

I you yap on the whole time about "how you only got x days before you get out", this is a big mistake, they will steal your shit or try to provoke you, so you do more time.

Also never tell anyone if you are going to a parole hearing where you might be released, when you get back all your shit will be gone.

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>>735799772

>>735800163
Tell them you are innocent

Stop believing all these fearmongers. In my experience prison was defined by a spirit of comradeship and togetherness. I cried openly on my first night and my cellmate organised for a cake to be baked for me the next day.

>>735799246
Full of shit.

You wouldn't be out walking around after sentencing.

>>735799012
I can help you with russian prisons:
1. When you go into the cell, you will throw a towel under your feet. It will be necessary to wipe about the towel of the foot and without touching it, throw it into the toilet.
2.You will be asked the question: there are two chairs, on the one spears is sharpened, on the other dicks are jerked, where will you sit, where will you plant your mother?
You need to answer: I myself will sit on the spear, my mother will sit on my lap. Mother is sacred.

I can tell you more if you are interested.

>>735806552

Dumbest idea ever. You should know that 5 or 6 of his buddies are going to jump you after that.

>>735800443
There are several important reasons why they make sure prisoners don't have access to glass.

>>735807333
this

If you know how to sew, iron, cut hair, shave, have good penmanship, draw, write, tell stories, you can use that in your favor the leverage friendships and make some profit. Also don't be a dick and be a good guy. You will most likely have to join a gang cause it's expected that you join some faction in state.

>>735799012
Don't break any fucking rules anon. Not unless you absolutely have to.. I turned 3 years into 6 with one fight because the jackass fell and was full retard when he woke up.. The fight was over some dumb shit too.

Also, find a couple of solid bros to learn you some shit about whatever prison you end up at. There are no friends in prison but there are associates that you can somewhat trust and learn from

>>735799012
You should watch some after prison show on youtube!

>>735800758
Nope, nothing at all. Just raped a kid's, I'm sorry, minor's mouth.

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>>735799012
After you get your necessities and you go into your cell block do not go directly to your cell, just hang about for a while in the shared space, most of the guys there will fuck with you not because they genuinely have beef they just want to get a feel for you see how you react but as long as you don't show any weakness you are fine and as far as taking the biggest dude out don't make any rash decisions you'll cross that bridge when you get there.

https://youtu.be/eTbEbHGRRyM I suggest you give this a listen OP

>>735807774

It was prune cake, right? So your bowels are relaxed for all the other immates bouncing on your ass.

>>735799246
I hope you get stabbed.

>>735799012
don't use others razors, don't get tattoos in the prison, if you get wounds report to medical immediately or you will regret it, wear shower shoes when taking a shower, try to stay out of gangs, put on your socks before putting on your underwear

i work as a nurse in a prison

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>>735807936
>tell stories
>OP we want to hear a story
>Yeah? About what
>About the new guy who got his mouth fucked
>w-w-what
>MAKE SURE IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING
>plz no

>>735807821
Why cant I sit on the dicks?

>>735803548
Are you guys literally retarded
? Op didn't do anything with minors, that was a "le epic trole" that had the very funny and original comment

>>735800602
They check your paperwork dumbass. Of you dont6present your charges and prove you didn't fuck a kid or rape someone, you will get beat up or stabbed on general principles and removed from the yard. If your charges arent sex related, arson, or anything involving snitching they wont care what you did.

>>735808090
Why socks before underwear?

>>735808275
You are automatically identified in the caste of roosters - gay men who have sex for sweets, cigarettes and tea. You do not have the right to refuse - you will be kicked by the whole camera, but you also do not have the right to fuck for free. Usually, one candy / matchbox with tea / five cigarettes is given for sucking

All you faggots saying prisoners hate rapist and child molesters.... Then how is Jared fogle still doing well in prison lmao

>>735807498
> implying that pakis get jailed for rape
Kek

>>735808355

>arson

What? I always thought pedos and snitches were the lowest of the low.

>>735803688
Ironic dubs.

>>735807821
You have to solve riddles in Russian prisons? In the U.S. you just get beat up or raped.

>>735799012
Walk up to the bggest meanest ugliest tatted fucker in the place. Look him directlty in the eye.
Then tell him you are the best piece of ass he could wish for, your ass is as wet as a woman's twat. You suck cock like a Dallas Cowgirl and are willing to have a train run on you.
Offer to do him and any other dude he wants cos you specialize in threesomes.

Good Luck

Don't be something ur not, keep ur head down but don't be a pussy, everyone in there is human and not animals. treat people with respect is the main thing, follow program and don't mess with peoples program. Find someone like urself to hang out with shit gets crazy in there, you'll be fine.

>>735808708
Nah fam, in CA prisons at least, arson is as much of a no no as sex crimes and snitching.

Source: CSP Solano lvl 3 yard.

>>735808551
after taking a shower, even after drying off your feet there are still the possibility of getting yourself jock itch or anything else because most of the time your feet touch the areas near your crotch so its better (even outside of prison) to wear socks before you put your underwear on

>>735808570
Protective custody. Also, celebs get solitary confinement because it wpuld be a scandal if the prison let them get got.

That's why we weren't able to kill Scott Peterson when I was in San Quentin.

Ignore the people saying you should knock out some big fucker. Even if that works, then they come back with friends.

Don't act like a pussy. Stand up when someone tries to bully you, and if you have to fight, fight like a fucking insane person. Punch and kick and bite and gouge. Make it far too much trouble to fuck with you. I'm not saying this will save you from getting your ass kicked, but if someone would otherwise try to make you his bitch, he might not.

However, do not fight if you don't have to. Don't go looking for fights. Generally be nice to people.

>>735808560
Tell us more. What happens if a big man wants to fight?

>>735807821
I actually am interested in russian prisons. I am planning to live in Russia and need advice.

>>735808785
But this requires a reason. They will not just beat like this - it's lawlessness. First you need to find the reason - the wrong answer to the riddle / violation of the rules of behavior in the cell / touching someone from the caste of roosters with something other than a dick. When they find the reason - the whole camera will sort out your mistake, but the last word is always behind the pahan - the leader of the prisoners in each cell.If he says that you are guilty - you will be dropped into the inferior caste of devils, or even roosters, and if you are deemed innocent or you made such a mistake for the first time, they will simply say that this is a mistake and should not be repeated.

>>735801042 Lurk more

>>735808708
niggah arson is rough for people, that's basically just disregard for people and there kids and shit. firebugs get it bad.

Just imagine a tweaker lighting fire to an apt building and how many kids/old people that could take out

>>735809237
Was Charles Manson there, too?

>>735809379
The fight is considered lawlessness - violation of prison rules. If a large inflated guy initiates a fight - he will be beaten by the whole camera. But if it turns out that he was provoked - he will not have anything. In general, in Russian prisons, it is not customary to pump muscles. There they go in for jogging, soccer and gymnastics

>>735800443
Lmfao first of all yeah that's possible to do in prison buddy just get broken glass and the guards will stand by while you essentially an hero a slow painful death sure. Also if anyone doesn't like the look of him and punches him in the stomach he is going to go down in one punch easy and that would be great to be known for in prison

>>735799012

If you are serious and still following this thread you should read as much Seth Ferranti as you can between now and then.

Seth spent 20 years in prison for selling LSD. He has written a couple books, as well as co-authored comic books, and writes articles for DisInfo, VICE, and others.

His stuff covers it all... how to kill time, what to do with yourself, how to behave, etc. He is active on FB as well.

>>735803032
If you're implying you understand what he thinks then so do you moron.

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>>735803833
>The Jews
Which one are you?

>>735809226
obviously a prison nurse and not a prisoner.

If other prisoners see you making a big thing of not letting your feet touch the floor and always putting your socks on first.....they will know your are weak mother fucker who thinks his cell mates are unclean.....and you will pay for it.

The very worst thing you can do in prison is to make out like you are better than the other prisoners and that you shouldn't be there......and treat prisoners you think are scum as scum

>>735810034
It's meant to fill your anus with glass so no King Kong wants to put his 12 inch banana in there.

>>735809439
1. Do not trust anyone. 2. Do not be afraid of anything. 3. Do not ask anything. 4. Try not to provoke anyone. 5. If in doubt, ask other prisoners. These are the basic rules for any prison. Next let's go more specifically: there are prisons "black" and "red." In black dominates the brotherhood, in the red prison administration. There is also a caste division.Brotherhood - the highest caste, it includes ordinary bandits, pahanas (the main ones in the cells) and looking (the prisoner in charge of the prison). Below are the peasants - those who just want to sit out and leave, they do not share, but often the brother chooses a part of the parcels from the family. Farther down the devils go - they wash clothes, clean shoes, wash dishes to the whole cell. They can also take away the parcels of the family.Well, the bottom of the Russian prison world - roosters. They are divided into many different types, but the main thing is this: they are passive gays who sleep on the floor, who suck for sweets and it is better not to become such. There are 20 species of roosters and a little later I will list them.

>>735799246

Federal or State prison?
How much time?

>>735810466
>3. Do not ask anything
>5. If in doubt, ask other prisoners

wtf

>>735810328
heh, looks pretty accurate to me.

>>735810727
Do not answer for anything. But ask questions if you're unsure say someone is sitting there, or if someone's done with something.(not the person typing it up but from what I get from his posts)

>>735810466
Russian prisons.
This is what the human mind does when there are no books.

Tell us more, this is interesting stuff.

100 comments from people who haven't even driven by their local jail.

Just don't open your mouth, and learn to respect cellmates rules unless you think he would be easy to take down in a fight.

Flush constantly while shitting, the toilets suck up a lot of the smell.

If you get a Muslim cellmate, you can breathe easy they are the opposite in jail then they are out here.

>>735799012

Well, I have no good advice to give from experience but I guess do everything you can to make the best of the situation.

Some prisons offer community college courses, volunteer opportunities, jobs, gyms, etc. Do everything you can to better yourself.

I can imagine there are a bunch of people serving life sentences, or at the least serving most of their lives in prison. Those are the people who don't give a fuck and have nothing to lose. Avoid them, and be around other people who are only serving a few years and have the possibility of a future.

>>735809657
Manson is in Corcoran state. My mom is a nurse there and has met him a couple times.

He enjoys playing guitar and walking aimlessly around the track for the hour or so a day he's not alone

>>735811894
Ok.
Can you tell more about trying to get Scott Peterson?

>>735799012

Try to learn the different hand signals. If there's going to be a prison shanking, a beat down, rape etc.

Most prisons signal to each other using hand signs instead of using slang or talking as it can alert others if somethings about to go down.

Sleep with 1 eye open, and know that you're going to be hazed for being a newbie. Don't back down from any fight, and don't loose your cool.

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>>735801711