Sup /b/. Been dating a chick for about 5 months now. She's

I can't remember how I did it, but I think you should find a really good chili recipe and invite her over to have dinner and stay the night.

>>735594799
What exactly would you like shit to smell like?
Grow the fuck up.

>>735594799

erm, girls don't poop anon

>>735595427
/thread

>>735595427
>NEETS forgetting that women are actually human too

tell a joke and then fart my dude
like " oh boy these planks sure are squeaky " BRAAAPP
thats how i did it

>>735594799
Too bad for you anon. Farts and shit turn me on.

Everybody farts.

Everybody poops.

Every shit stinks.

If you can't get over these facts, kill yourself.

>>735594799
eat out her butthole

>>735596358

Do you tell people to kill themselves over many trivial things?

>>735596230
Good man

>>735596495
Kill yourself fagcuck

>>735594799
I told her I wanted her to fart in my mouth while she sucks my dick

>>735594799
News flash: It will smell like shit. Either you love or you don't, but whatever you do, farts will be farts, and shit will smell shitty. It doesn't have to change the way you're with her.

kill yourself pls. thanks.

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>>735594799

i fart around my gf freely. she lets me know she farts on me when we cuddle/sleep. who cares. normal bodily functions are normal. just open a window.

>>735594799
OP...when i started to smell the ass winds of my girl, it was not that nice, but i made it alright through it...she even left a tiny turd in the toilet once and i didn't start a war for it.
I'm sure she doesn't love hearing me emptying my bowels after two morning coffees, but that is a part of our lives.
Can you handle real life, OP? Or are you a faggot? You make a choice.

>>735594799
Who gives a shit, pun intended. Although she doesn't love you until she farts.

>>735594799
Of course she farts and shits, which won't smell like roses.
What are you even on about?
She's human, so she'll function like any other human you can think of.

>>735594799
While you're worrying about this like a faggot, she probably has smelled your shit and your farts more than once and she still wants to date you.
Hell, she might have swallowed your ugly cum.

My girl shits around me all the time. She doesn't give a fuck

>>735597458
Must be nice entering the bedroom

>>735596495
hes right though kys you fucking waste of space

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>>735594799
source on pic?

>>735594799
have her shit in your mouth anon

>>735596100
I broke the fart barrier by telling this classic joke:
>do you know why 6 is afraid of 7
BRAAP

>>735596230
snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT
Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

>>735594799
She's hot. I want her to piss on my dick.

>>735596859
I have a fart fetish. My girlfriend farts for me as I rim her.

First time she stayed over I was filled with farts... I waited for her to fall asleep first so she wouldnt hear /smell mine. She farted in her sleep. I took that as the green light to fart.

>>735594799
1.6 years my gf has never heard me fart and never know I was shitting because I always shit/shower. Never shit in public in my life. Went four days at firefly festival.

>>735598073
In the morning, you realised that what you thought were farts were actual shit stains you left in your boxers...as you stood up, she smelled your shit and saw the stains on the sheet.

A little bit of fart erotica. Some letters to 'Nora' from James Joyce...

“My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asl**p dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asl**p, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sl**p. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.”

James Joyce

>>735594799
I never had problem farting next to her but she was quite bashful about doing it. Since the night she droped one waking the both of us up. Since then she is farting as loud as she can.

>>735595427
This

My wife's farts and poops really don't smell bad. The only times they've been smelly is when she's sick or had too much ice cream.

>>735598490
sauce

>>735598107
Damn son.
That's fucking strange.

>>735598878
Found it on a porn site, xhamster I think. Just thought the text was kinda hot, so I saved it.

>>735598965
Nah, I've never taken a shit in public either. More out of disgust than anything. And I usually try to conceal the fact that I shit unless I'm close to the person (immediate family, close friends, gf)

>>735594799
>>735598965
>>735599013
>>735599589

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIjGSSnEzk0

>>735594799
you should start by telling her to clear her converse cause them shit dirty boi

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph592f96cb84f81

I don't think you're suppose to invite a woman to fart around you. They like to do that discretely and in some rare occasions you'll get a glimpse. On the other hand before your relationship goes any further you should definitely invoke the fart test on her. You should be farting around her as much as possible. That's how you know if a girl really likes you, if she'll deal with your farts

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>>735594799
STORY TIEM

>walk into h&m trying to buy cool cloths
>hot ass sales girl
>”Hi, welcome to H&M!”
>get so nervous start farting. lots
>”Are you okay?”
>She touches my shoulder
>
>shit pants. SHIT PANTS.
>Ask if they have a bathroom
>”Here, I’ll show you.”
>Leads my by the hand to the bathroom
>”Uhhhh…thanks”
>She rips off my pands
>SHIT EVERWHERE
>Bends me over
>Starts to lick my asshole clean
>She starts moaning
>She starts smearing shit all over her face
>She starts roaring in ecstacy
>ROARING
>She is a bear
>Realize bear is eating my asshole
>Bear keeps nibbling on all of my asshairs, cleaning off the dinglebearies
>Shit into bears mouth
>Roars of pleasure, bear begins to shish my brown shit in and out between its teeth, I can see my asshold hair mixed in
>Shit more into bears mouth
>Bear is now gurgling, struggling to swallow all of my shit
>Tears are running down its face because it smells so bad
>Bear is roaring and gurgling on my putrid shit.
>“Voice outside “WHAT THEFUCK IS THAT?”
>Manager opens the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur.

https://xhamster.com/movies/7813952/turned_into_an_interracial_couple_s_toilet.html

>>735597925
Hahaha omg lol

My ex used to cup her farts and then put her hand over my face.

Did she secretly have a fart fetish?

>>735594799
>I'm nervous because what if it's smells bad
Then it's probably a normal shit. Your shit doesn't smell like roses and you're almost guaranteed to be far more disgusting than anything she could ever be. Grow up you cunt.

My girl sucked my dick once whilst she was taking a shit. Came so hard when she farted and I heard it hit the water.

>>735594799
virgin detected

>>735596495
Youre right. The dildos on here are have limited vocabulary. Plus they follow or try to follow anyone who they perceive is cool. So if someone says "Your autistic", that will be every other word of their mouth. Fore, they too want to be cool. Or "kys", same principle. They think it makes them cool. They have no testicles of their own, I guess in reality it makes sense to pretend you do.

The truth of the above will likely be lost on them, as they reply "kys" "autistic cuck".

>>735595609
Bump

>>735594799
I think it jus come naturally kek you just shit infront of each other and don't think twice about it

>>735594799
I don't fart around my girl and I don't want to hear her fart. If you're sleeping? Fine. Accidental fart? Fine. Planned fart? Do it somewhere else.

Just my opinion. It's kind of a turn off.