A girl walks up to you and says >HI Anon, hows your day?

starting this thread on /b/

>>735474338
piss my pants

>>735474338
>says hello while inhaling really hard
>dead stare until she talks again

Y-you too

>>735474338
No

Thank you, you too

>>735474338
You're welcome
*no eye contact

"I didn't pay you though."

Probably netflix

>>735474338
My lady
>Tips fedora

says "i love trump" while holding a fidget spinner

>>735474516
Perfect

>>735474338
Stare blankly at her braces visualizing my seed on them before blatantly tucking my erection into my waistband and backing away.

I'm gay

>>735474338
No it's a real coupon, I got it from doing a bunch of surveys

Will you marry me?

>>735474434
I think this one is one is the best of the likely ones.

>>735474338
I would immediately complete my order of a number 7 with extra ham and stare straight into her braces and ask her if she knew that jet fuel can't melt steel beams

File: IMG_4093.gif (156KB, 200x150px)

156KB, 200x150px

>>735474338

>>735474639
hi nate

"Oh, wow gurl, do you have some kind of cranial facial anomaly or did you just fall off the heaven truck of wonder doodads?"

> she says hello how are you
> *I squat like a football player*
> Yell "HIKE!!!!"
> Dive at her knees snapping both legs

>>735475179
LOL

>>735474338
>Good......
>You wana fuck?

File: IMG_3711.jpg (56KB, 540x960px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 540x960px

Hello m'lady, doth need protection from these sub-gentlemen?

>>735475179
Is that how you sex them? Need to know, nowish!

>>735474338
hey, good to see you! my day's been great, how about yours? hahaha, well except for the part that you are working at this moment

Pretty good, hew did you hear? That old store on Water St. is closing today, something about replying to this post or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

Well its been pretty shitty actually
(Snorts)
This morning I got kicked out of my guild for rolling the wrong sided die. And because id dint cast invisibility on my party fast enough so we got spotted and killed by the three headed troll.
(sniffles holding back tears)
Then when I ran home my mom made a peanut butter jelly but that bitch didnt use the gluten free bread or the organic peanut butter or the free range jelly. and as if things couldnt get worse she didnt cut off the crust.
(small tear runs down eye)
So i run upstairs to play some Call of duty and release some stress I find out my xbox live gold membership had expired and it didnt get auto renewed because my mom changed her credit card after I maxed it out buying collectable pop figures and limited edition my little pony dolls.
(tears begin to flood down face)
and here is the shitiest part O turn on my pc and load up some WoW and I lost access to my max level mage with every item and ability because of the credit card thing again.

>>735474338
PIRANNA TEETH

▲
▲▲

Newfags can't triforce

>>735475278
Spill Regan

>>735474338
Stare at my figit spiner and try to count the spins then tell her to shut up she put me off my spins counting cry and leave

Go fughsgh yoyraelf you shtupihd sluth I hathe you

>>735475283
>trying this hard to be autistic

Mom thinks you're cool anon

what's getting a blowjob from a girl with braces like? Could you get your foreskin stuck in them?

>>735475283
I'm so hot... do you do anal? Give or Receive, I don't care...

>>735474338
>give me your most autistic response
in other words, /b/'s normal response in such a situation which goes a little something like this

>look away
"Y-y-yea n-n-n-n-n-not b-b-b-b-bad y-"
Arms sweating profusely. Pisses pants a little.
"Are you ok anon?"
"I g-g-g-g-gg-gotta go"
Head down, blushing. Waddles home and cries

>>735474516
you're the man

>>735474338
Greetings fair lady.
Although you might hear a lot of this, as a gentleman i feel obliged to commence you on your beauty.
May I be so intrusive and ask if mayhaps you have a boyfriend?

>>735474338
I did not piss the bed last night. I think I am getting over my night terrors

>>735474338
>look in other direction
>say: "g..g..good w..weather..., bye"

> How is your day anon?
> I sit on my butt and spin as fast as I can
> Proclaim "I'm a living fidget spinner"
> Spin into her knees, snapping both of her legs

>>735474338
sorry I don't have any change

>>735474338

say "GOTTA GO FAST"

Then run away in shame

>>735474338
you too

Is is really so difficult for /b to talk to girls?

K cum, im done

>>735475283
(Continuation)
Now I just want to kill myself but my dad took his guns with him when he whent out to buy some smokes and a tall boy, but he hasnt come back. I guess the store didnt have the brand he likes because that was 5 years ago.
(leaned over to girl for a hug tears streaming down his face snot bubbling and dripping from his nostrils)
[girl takes a step back]
(he falls on his face, every one around begins to laugh and record on their smart phone since its the only thing millennial fucks are good for.)
(he stands up puts back on his hainet wipes his face and heads off to work head down in shame)

Hi mine is doing alright how is yours?

All the while in my head thinking "she doesn't like you idiot she is just being nice women who like you would make it really obvious"

>>735474758
i thought so, my roommate does this so i have experience

*eyes with mild but undisguised suspicion* "Uneventful but otherwise good. And yours?"

>>735475482
Suddenly his phone rings its the girl
>>735475367
he turns around and approaches her, he said well you see Im a virgin so I have no idea what to say or do. I guess you can guide me and have your way with me.
(he laughs and begins to snort)

Happy birthday

>>735475257
LMFAO

>>735475351
Are you just upset because I just detailed your life

>>735474338
just lean in for a kiss

Run away screaming

Slam into glass door

Critical condition

Sue her, win

Massive fidget spinner collection achieved

"Yogurt"

File: hangin out.jpg (55KB, 640x380px)

55KB, 640x380px

My day is great, would you like to hangout sometime? I'll give my number, she pretends to put it in her phone.

<Pic of me waiting<

File: miles the driver.jpg (68KB, 884x800px)

68KB, 884x800px

My day would be a lot better if I could smell those feet babe.

>>735475848
well there is your first problem anon your not waiting by your phone thats a radio.

I demand to know if she is a cop.

Girls coming in my direction? And she didn't trip? And then she talked to me?

Nigger is this a science fiction show? Only logical explanation is that she is a police officer under cover and she thinks I am into the crack rock.

>>735475278
Fuck

>>735476045
hey anon chill out your letting your negro show.

File: splice.jpg (42KB, 667x362px)

42KB, 667x362px

>>735474338
>>735474338

>>735474338
>y y you too

According to existential nihilism, the day lacks meaning and therefore has no purpose.

File: 1478150543603.jpg (90KB, 848x480px)

90KB, 848x480px

>>735474338
..... * "thank you'

Aye yo mc mrs y you so qt please scootie over here and lets chat

I like turtles.

> I defend my virginity without mercy, throw my fidget spinner to the side and remove my nunchucks from wool coat and attack all joints on her body

>>735475278
Is Water St. JJ's really closing? Like, Milwaukee? That was one of my first jobs I ever had. Can any anon confirm?

I'm vegan

>>735474338
y-you too

im a feminist

"hey miss, could you spare a couple quarters? ...so I can call you later?"

>>735476739
We no get away from me you creep what's wrong with you?

*covers ears*

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>735474338
Braces are my fetish, drop them drawers and let Daddy see your cunt

the floor is lava

I lost an angel in heaven can I have your number because you are like her, just kidding I'm an atheist. Do you listen to Burzum?

"But you already knew that didn't chya well at least the CRUST is BENEATH the cheeses wanna go outside sometime?"

>>735474338
Uh... It's 10:33.

>>735474338
mofukin ass i dont know can i get your number?

>I become startled and run into traffic

>>735476907
Jesus Christ burzum sucks

>Can I smash?

>Lemme bust

>I wanna bust

>help me bust?

>>735475257
Wtf are those? Nerf swords?

What do you mean how is my day? Do you mean how I am, how my day is? Because I don't know how I could answer how my day is, how should I know how my day is? What specifically about my day are you asking about? I think you should be a little more specific with your questions, Claire.

>>735475574
>So excited about this exchange ouy virgin didnt not even consider how the girl got his number. They walk together to his house where no one is home. They begin to make there way upstairs when suddenly out young virgin begins to get light headed and his nose begins to bleed.
"oh jeez not now this may finally be my big moment. excuse me m'lady i must run to the lavatory and handle this situation."
>Girl
"OK no worries where is your room im wait for you there.
>(he points and sais)
"down the hall second door on the right"
>He runs into the bathroom only to find out that their is no more TP (Toilet paper for you dumb fucks) so he opens the medicine cabinet and grabs one of his moms tampons and shoves it up his nose. He looks at himself in the mirror cord dangling down his nose and sais
"suited for heavy flow we shall see about that"
>He chuckles to himself slaps his knee in joy and amusement. he exits the bathroom and begins to walk down the hallway. as he gets closer he begins to shake and tremble in fear. Thoughts begin to rush through his head of all the hentai he has seen and coming up with positions and a game plan in his head.
(he says)
"Geez I wish I had tentacles"
>he reaches his door and stands there for a minute. beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead. a deep and shallow swallow as he reaches his shaking hand out towards the doorknob.
>he grabs it and hesitates. As he trembles in fear he begins to roll a die in his head to boost his bravery stat. (he gets some fucking number that just makes him feel like a total badass.)
>he turns the knob opens the door and shouts m/lady your brave and powerful mage is here.

>>735477066

Burzum doesn't suck. You are a god damn megafaggot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0eSgSvhhns

>>735474338
It's Sunday

>>735477251
Every single fucking one of these bands is always

Some lame guitar bass and drums with an absolute shit sounding "growl scream" if you have heard one you have heard them all

>>735477146
>as he stands their in the door way looking into the room he realizes that he is talking to himself. The girls is nowhere to be seen. He shouts
" m'lady!.......... m'lady where art though."
>he closes the door walks in and begins too look around for his lost maiden. But he fails to found her. He throws himself on the bed and begins to weep as he begins to think that this was all an illusion he had made up in his head.
> He sits up and looks at his dresser to see if he had taken his meds, as he remembered what happened the last time he was off them shits. He recalls the pile of bodys he had left covered in semen as he ran around his local walmrt masterbating and screaming.
"Demons inside thee I release you!!!!"
>He stands up and begins to walk toward the dresser when he hers a rustling noise behind him. He turn around.
"m'lady"
>Suddenly he feels a ting in the the side of his neck and things go dark.

>>735474338
Baby if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple. If you were a vegetable I'd visit you in the hospital as frequently as possible.

>>735474338
yes, i'm 23

Hey beautiful! My day wasn't going so well until now. Can I just say that you look absolutely gorgeous today. Can we have sex?

>>735476807
Nothing

>>735477489
>When he comes to he realises he is no longer in his room. Its dark and damp with a smell of stagnant water, piss and fecal matter wafting through the air. Their is a steady drip from the ceiling that lands in a puddle underneath. He notices he is tied down and restrained onto a shitty twin sized sandwich bed. On a stained mattress with holes and exposed springs.

"Help whats going on, Where am I"

>suddenly he feels a throbbing pain in his ass. he hears a giggle behind him.
"you finally awake from your slumber you useless mage"
>it is the girl standing behind him wearing a MASSIVE green tentacle strap-on that reaches down to the floor.
"whats going on im scared please, Help me call my mommy"
>A voice from the darkness replies
"well you see you are receiving your punishment for letting down your party earlier today. you should of cast invis you useless fuck"
>a small light comes on and under it a small shadowy figure stands underneath. Barely able to see half of his face. Our young hero shouts
"Steven is that you"
>Steven
"yes its me Kyle you useless fuck, we were counting on you and you let us down. Why the fuck did you want to be the mage when you know you suck at casting"
>Kyle begins to cry
"im sorry man im so sorry ill be quicker next time"
>Steven
"No! Dont you see their wont be a next time you will never raid with us again. your out of the D&D guild, and the WoW raid team and you can forget about the Call of Duty Clan."
>Kyle
"No please not the clan you can take everything but bot the clan.
>Steven
"enough no more form you! wench you may continue your fun and games."

>>735474338

I browse |b|

>>735474338

tits or GTFO

>>735474338

Do you even lift, bro!

>>735474338
Can you stay like that while I fap to you please?

>>735475354
Not unless she grinds your dick along the front of her teeth, no

>>735474338
say nevermind and leave

Can I fuck you in the ass?

>>735478146
>steven turns off the light walks out of the basement and closes the door.
>Girl
"yes master. Thank you senpai for allowing me to have much pleasure and give away such pain."
>She grabs the strap on and begins to swing it around as she walks around the bed. When she is behind out young here she stops and begins to giggle.
>Kyle
"please stop. Or at least be gentle im in so much pain."
>girl
"Dont worry I will use some lube this time"
>she reaches for the industrial sized container of lube and pushes it down onto the floor.
>Girl
"oh no look what happened I spilled it all. Guess I will have to go in dry"
{and so ends our tail}
If you would like to Donate please send some bitcoins my way. Also if you would like to read the rest of this dearing saga and the many other novels please provide an email with you likes and fetishes in the payment messages. And I will send you some novels.
Good day to you all

>>735474338
My day has been splendiferous, milady. Would you care to join me for a beverage later, with no further intentions of sexual behaviour to follow thereafter. Should you politely decline my offer I shall be on my merry way.

I'm the conductor of the poop train!

>>735474338
"I'm not ready to order!!!"

File: Fanfiction For Dummies.png (35KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 640x360px

>>735478593
cant post direct address
guess I cant beg for shekels on 4chan

Its sunday, 9:07 am
Wtf is wrong with you...

(Sincerely idgf about some random slut)

>>735474338
your face reminds me of an old bond movie.

H-hey. Wanna come to my place and play some video games? We don't need to have sex or anything I'm not that kind of guy but if I want it I'll be gentle of course. But anyway I got this new game and there's nothing to play with in coop so I thought that maybe you want to try it or something.

>>735474338
A large pineapple, please.

Me: "I fucked a dog. She bucked but I did it. It's so hard..."
Her: "What?!."
Me: *face turns red* "Oh sorry, I meant I WALKED a dog."

>>735474338
the day does not belong to me, it is simply the earth rotating around the sun, you are annoying and I'm leaving

>>735479142
that actually sounds too normie and might actually result in sexual contact if the autist in question isn't ugly

>>735478791
I stop posting my lame ass cool as story this thread dies. whats wrong guys no imagination

>>735474501
I've done this before.

>>735475278
j

>>735474338
My mom doesn't help me masturbate since I turned 18 can you help me I don't know how to do it.

File: ac6.jpg (55KB, 600x800px)

55KB, 600x800px

oh i'm sorry, i don't normally eat at McDonalds, but my normal sushi place is currently closed so i have no choice but to eat this disgusting American food.

>>735475314
>_▲
>▲▲

Good enough for me.

>>735475319
My good I can imagine an autist actually doing that

>>735474338
>my day is going well, femanon. why are your eyes spread so far apart?

>>735474434
thats golden

>>735475283

Female response

>implying mom uses anything other than gluten free
>implying mom buys things other than organic
>implying mom would even consider anything less than free range
>implying mom would ever not cut off the crust
>implying a DnD guild would kick you from the group for some shit like that
>implying mom didn't already buy me ever MLP doll
>implying mom doesn't have a second credit card set aside just incase the mace thing happens.

▲
▲▲

>>735482599
▲
▲▲

File: iBKut.png (62KB, 660x497px)

62KB, 660x497px

>>735482599
>>735482625
here is the answer

>>735475257
>The angle of the swords' blades

>>735474338
why does she look like a shark?

>>735474338
>shark bait ooh ha ha!

>>735474338
>looks away while saying hi and giggles.

Uh oh I make dookie in my pants. I need change.
>gives her a dollar

Just orderer jimmy johns

>>735474338
I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

nothing, how bout you?

>>735474338
"Hehe."

>>735474338
w-why do you ask, it's none of your business

>>735474542
Are you 5 years old?

File: 05_vito.jpg (38KB, 731x464px)

38KB, 731x464px

Order Italian Nightclub add hot peppers. Say "Wow, that was freaky fast!" when I receive sandwich. No tip. Scurry away quickly with no qt phone number.

Yeah you too goodbye

Oi bitch

Wassup, yea let me get an ultimate porker extra mayo

>>735475257
>Reverse image search
>0 results

>>735474338
She looks like she has fas

>>735474338
>Sheeeeit bitch. Come slide that white pussy down this dick.

>>735485061
You don't too fast food workers anon it's rude and demeaning

File: Untitled75.jpg (190KB, 705x326px)

190KB, 705x326px

I.. I wanted the kids meal toy for.. fl.. flutter.. shy
>Buttersky?
Fl.. fluttershy
>Shutterfly? (coworkers are giggling, seeing her fuck around with him)
The pink (?) one
>Oh, ok. Hang on. (walks to back area)
*into camera* 5 min rant about how employees should know this stuff
>has already ended her shift and went home. taking the last Shutterfly with her, to give to her boyfriend as a joke.
~fin~

>>735474338
Is jimmy johns any good never tried it

>>735488469
It's garbage

>>735488521
Cool

File: fish dealer.jpg (29KB, 480x360px)

29KB, 480x360px

>>735474338
>It's great i have important things to do
> i am important
>Pretends to answer texts

>>735474338
Haha me too

>>735488469
italian vito is ok. just ok. not shitty, not great. i'd eat at jimmy john's before i ate at subway

jersey mike's number 13...now that's a sammich

>>735488687
Imagine a restraint that only serves dominos oven baked sandwiches

>>735474338
Those blowjob braces look good.

Do you have any samoas cookies?

>>735474338
Yes

File: IMG_0789.png (651KB, 600x600px)

651KB, 600x600px

>>735475257

Your eyes are too far apart and I could scrape your concealer off with a credit card. Horrible chin structure.