anons help me, I'm at a guys house and I am pooping but

quick shower ftw

I mean...any magazines or anything around?

>>735155697
do the indian emergency
>wipe with hand
>lick it clean
>???
>profit

remember to kiss him afterwards, he will fall in love with you

ALSO TITS OR GTFO

M or f?

>>735155771
I do not recommend using his magazines as toilet paper. You will clog the toilet and things will get very bad

>>735155697
fuck, emergency mode on

you need to flush, quickly strip, then sit in the sink and use it to rinse your ass.

scoop it out with your hands, then waffle-stomp it down the drain, it a no brain-er.

>>735155697
he left no toilet paper in there because he likes it when people are awkward and smell of shit and ask for toilet paper

>>735155751

Isn't it fucking weird if I randomly take a shower

>>735155843
not her house right? so fuck it.

>>735155771

nooo

>>735155903
No its hot.

>>735155843
>clog the toilet
What are you retarded?
Magazine paper is easier to flush, I do it all the time

>>735155829

so romantic

>>735155930
My bad haven't had to use it myself. Wouldn't the lamination make it hard to clean with though?

Flush the toilet so you have clean water in bowl. Use hand and water to clean shit from rectum area. Flush and repeat. Wash hands thoroughly.

>>735155903
U prefer scream and ask for toilet paper?

>>735155930
what kind do you usually use? Vogue is starting to get me all chaffed.

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>>735155697
Your done for femanon, unless there are some stuff like cotton balls

>>735155903
depends, what led to this? whats the situation you're in?

Can you postmate?

run out https://youtu.be/PApus33bRMI

>>735155981
Make the experiment
Take some pages off a magazine and put them inside water.
Most magazines use recycled paper nowadays.

>>735156018

a date

:c

Slowly open the shower, the less sound; the better. Just wipe and clean your ass with the thin stream, it should be enough. Or climb on to the sink.

>>735156009
I use Perfume magazines, they usually leave your ass smelling like flowers.

>>735155850

I'm too short to even come close to be able to sit in the sink

Nice b8

>>735156135
then thats easy, say you hit the gym earlier and you wanted to 'freshen up' for him. guy will just think he's got a good chance of getting laid.

then wink real big

>>735156209
Good idea

>>735156173
>too short to sit in the sink

fuck how short are you? I'd have to squat to reach the sink

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>>735156135
Are you going to let him smash? Do you know if he browses /b/?

How much soap is there?? Looks like you might have to wipe with ur hand

>>735156160

yeah I'm going to wash my ass with handsoap

i hate myself right now.

I'm gone for so long fuck, I'll keep you guys posted.

Check under the sink?

>>735156253
NO WAIT
FIRST WE NEED A PIC OF YOU ON THE SHITTER WITH TITS OUT

its the least you can do to say thanks

>>735156253
Show us vag or some tits op

I can call him and tell him he needs to get his shit together

>>735155697
Use his mother's bible.

1. You know the Rules
2. /b/ is not your personal army

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show us your tits or GTFO

>>735155981
>>735156110

magazines don't have a lamination on them unless you are talking about a cover, most pages will be 100-150gsm thick and coated in a thin layer of gloss/matt seal, that drys on the sheet like an ink, but it is not water resistant it will break down.
best paper would be an offset/porous newsprint at 65-90gsm

but ask yourself... do you really want to risk a paper cut on your ring?

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flush shit, wait for smell to die, call guy, wipe. Fucking retard

>>735155697
At work one time I had to call my store number. I had no toliet paper so manger brought me some just ask. Its awkward but who cares just play it off.

>>735155875
>waffle-stomp

kek

what kind of terrible planning leads to shitting on a date?

you always shit prior to the date to make sure

>>735155930
>I do it all the time
why don't you have toilet paper? has that been banned in America too? can't you yanks be trusted with anything?

>>735156649
>eurocuck projecting
>needs a permit to buy forks

>>735156723
a permit to buy forks? is that another yank thing? do you even know where Europe is?

>>735156001
This

>>735156723
to be fair fork permits are really just a cursory background check, you don't need references like with sporks

WELL MY ASS IS CLEAN

so I made up a excuse, I just yelled from upstairs

''I'm sorry for taking so long I have a eyelash in my eye that I can't get out and it keeps annoying me I'll be down in a bit''

he said ohh okay take your time

i think he believes me

>>735157181
no I think he thinks you are prepping your anus for a beating.
Better do that too to be safe.
also you shit in his house so you owe him.

>>735157181
this has been a rollercoaster of a thread op
so is he getting lucky or what

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>>735157056
>>735156723

>>735157181
He doesn't, but he also probably doesn't care.
If your shit stinks that bad look in to improving your diet

>>735157290
lol anon might have a point here, clean your hole up ya slut

Youre all faggots. You seriously just helped a "femanon" without any proof (tits) that she actually was a femanon. You are all a disgrace to this board.

>>735157418
What feminism feet and a black thong isnt enough, it was for me

>>735157418
I've been assuming its a short gay dude.

this thred aint about tits anon, it's about op being stuck in a humiliating situation that was fixed by showering his butthole

>>735157418

go to pornhub if you're so desperate

>>735157418
shut up old timer, 4chan belongs to the newfags now, we make the rules. fuck off back to your autism cave you fucking weeb.

>>735157296

yeah I think so, probably be bruised by tomorrow.

okay thanks for the help anons, going back into the real world now.

if this thread is still alive later I'll post update and some timestamps

xoxo

>>735157720
thx op, make sure the updates are timestamped butthole and good luck

>>735155697
Nice panties faggot

Use his mother's Bible.

No one suggested to look around the bathroom for extra toilet paper?

People usually keep extra toilet paper under the sink or cabinets

>>735158108
agreed, I know I do.
it's ridiculous to run out of toilet paper in the first place, dude must be disorganised as fuck.