Help /b/. I want to turn a one night stand into more, but for

>>734648970
>decide it's time to go to her place (I never take them home with me, up until here it's all "professional" and calculated)
>getting to her place takes us an hour
>so turned on we don't even make out on the way to the fourth floor, we literally take two steps at once all the way up
>reach her room
>heavily making out
>cup her beautiful ass with my hands
Well, the particulars aren't exactly relevant to the problem, so I'll spare them.
The point is: The sex was amazing. That kind of sex you can only have in a long-term relationship, because you both know what turns on your partner. It was everything from intimate to rough and painful. Many different positions, her on top, slowly moving up and down only halfway inside, forehead to forehead with deep eye-contact, my hands cupping her hands to the left and right of my head at one time, me on top, holding her by the neck with one hand and using my other to pin her knee to her chest to expose her more and fuck her deeper at another. After what seemed like literal hours (and at least the time it takes for the sun to rise from complete darkness to a nice morning yellow in real time) she wants to get us some water, but collapses on the way off the bed, because her legs wouldn't carry her, so I pulled her back to me and fingered her for one last orgasm.
Then I left for the bathroom to get water.

Well, that wasn't exactly sparing the details, but without knowing how good the sex was, you wouldn't understand the situation, so I hope you could bear it. Anyways, ...
>...I come back from the bathroom
>she sits at the couch and had already rolled up a joint
>smiles at me
>beautiful smile, shiny, still lustful dark-blue eyes
>We start smoking
>she's still naked
>so am I
>She asks me if I do this regularly
>tell her I wasn't exactly smoking regularly, but I did when I was a teenager
>no, I meant having sex with girls you've just met

>>734648992
Decide I wouldn't lie this time.
How could I, with the warmth of her skin on mine and an almost as warm buzz already going through my head
>actually kind of, yea, you?
>not really. Last time was in january
>I say oh really? in a voice that gave away that I found five months to be a horribly long time without sex
>instantly regret it
>realize that me regretting despite us already being done with sex could mean something
>I still hold the joint, so I take a deep one and pass it on, not looking at her face
>I actually feel like the asshole that I am for the first time
>feel like I have ruined it and tell her I was going to bed
>she follows
>no cuddling
>the one time I would have wanted it, needed it

>>734649042
>Wake up next "morning". It's 2pm
>She's still next to me, facing the wall
>I just look her up and down, enjoy the sight of her nice curves
>eventually and as an involuntary reaction to what I was seeing touch her hips
>she turns around and with her wonderful eyes she finds mine
>I pull back the hand that I only now realized to be touching her
>she smiles and lets out the smallest hint of a laugh, just a tiny bit of air blowing out her nose
>she turns back to face the wall
>I'm not sure how to handle this.
>Have I ruined it the day before?
>lie there silently
>after a couple of minutes she turns around another time
>I realize I was staring blankly at her hair
>again, the same reaction and her turning back
>is she laughing at me, because she realized how awkward I felt?
Note: Usually OSTs are far from awkward for me, I actually enjoy waking up to strangers
>Is she laughing because I wasn't spooning her?
>fuck
>I turn around and look outside the window
>after a while she changes position
>I assume she's awake and tell her that I was pretty sure their neighbours had seen us (her bedroom's window faces an inner courtyard, the window was wide open, no reflective glass or curtain that would have hidden us
>"I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did."
>I hear no irony in her voice.
>I hear no regret.
>Turn around to see her smiling playfully
>Before I can react, she just turns to face the wall again
>mixed signals?
>does she want to catch up on the cuddling we've missed the day before?
>For some reason I can't man up this time.
>Begin to think about what's holding me back from just touching her, worst thing that could happen she throws me out and I need to go anyways.
>Worst thing that could happen I don't see or talk to her again, like I did with many girls before

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>>734649067
Side note: Feel free to bump before reading it all, or it will 404 before you reach the end anyways.

>>734649067
>Realize that's not an option this time
>fall asleep over my thoughts
>wake up entangled with her
>try to escape, but wake her up
>fuck it
>look her deep in the eyes
>kiss her
>she instantly opens up to me
>make out
>have sex, as passionate and exciting as the night before
>This time we cuddle a little
>she asks if I wanted to smoke
>tell her sure
>turns out she smokes a lot on her free days, fine by me as long as it's not life controlling
>we smoke
>and talk
>conversation isn't nearly going as good as usually
>probably the hangover from lots and lots of booze and already getting high again
>probably not
>more likely the fact that I feel shy for the first time in years
>more likely the fact that I am so used to be someone else and just talk people into liking me with deception on a professional level that I've lost myself
>I want to tell her why I'm so silent today
>I want to tell her that she's making me feel different
>obviously that's not an option
>I don't know here, she doesn't know me
>we've met just a few hours ago
>tell her I am hungover and want to leave
>"I don't want you to leave"
>I stare at her
>she silently stares back
>doesn't smile
>just looks at me
>with those unearthly eyes
>tell her I had work tomorrow
>so? I need to go to uni at 8
>there is no rational reason for me to leave other than me wanting to leave and I actually don't want to
>fine
>crawl back into bed
>she decides to roll up another one for later
>watch her
>she stops a couple of times to tell me she can't roll one when I'm staring at her
>I can't stop

>>734649174
>she crawls back into bed
>I kiss her
>we have sex
>just as good as before, absolutely incredible.
>we both don't know where all our energy comes from, haven't eaten all day
>I eventually fall asleep cuddling her
>she wakes me up
>it's 11pm
>fuck, I really need to go now
>she walks with me for a while
>our paths cross when she needs to turn towards a 24hr store and me towards the train station
>kiss her goodbye
>not passionate
>almost routinely
>as if I had kissed her goodbye for years
>realize I couldn't leave if it wasn't done quick
>give her one last look to appreciate how beautiful she is with her bikini top instead of a bra, covered by a cutout shirt that's just long enough to show the ends of her hot pant's legs that in turn are just long enough to cover her wonderful butt
>walk away at a pace and don't look back

So, she had written to me in the middle of the night of yesterday, but I was completely wrecked from work and couldn't keep the conversation going. I wrote to her today and she hasn't answered yet.

/b/, what do I do? I am a piece of shit that didn't respect women for years. I didn't question my lifestyle even in the slightest, I thought occasional sex with changing partners was the perfect way to live and pretty much everyone of my friends agrees and would switch with me any second. So, first, how could one night and one day make my life feel to me like a horrible and lonely excuse of a state of being, when before I thought I was literally living the dream? And secondly, how do I handle this situation, her, everything now that I am "done" with what I usually do?

Even if nobody responds and I feel like this is all a little idiotic now that I've written it, so that probably will be the case, it still felt like a good thing to write this. Sorry for it being so lengthy.

>>734648970
Nice blog... Where do I subscribe ?

Dear /b I used to be a psychopath and now I don't want to anymore. What do?

Go kill yourself.

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>>734649263
Yea, I didn't realize it was such a long story before I typed it. We can just talk about tits if that's what you really want.

>>734649667
I'll never understand why they don't even take the time to form at least a half-correct English sentence for their ad spam. Don't they have literal ten seconds to create the text?

>>734648970
yap, its called killing yourself, you should do it.

>>734649606
How was I being a psychopath?

>>734649897
OP 0
kys 2

Not too bad a start.

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>>734649990
Not him but, just from your job I can tell you that youre not something girls wanna be around. Getting a girl around you to stay would mean you'd have to change your personality, morals and attitude towards ppl.

>>734649990
Not the same guy but being a douche and manipulating women into one night stands is borderline psychopathic

>>734649990
You've spent your life using women to get what you want. You haven't even made the effort to form anything meaningful. Now you want someone to care for you.

Believe me bro, I used to do that too. Then tried to be in a proper relationship a few times. Complete fuckin disaster. If not kys, learn to be creative. I've become a writer and gotten in to our local bohemian society. Fuckin around is the norm. Nobody even expects a relationship to last. It's flaming out instead of fading away.

>>734650358
I didn't mention that I'm a university student and that the marketing job is just something I happen to be good at and it pays well. I kind of see where you're coming from, though.

Well, my personality is a little narcissistic, but I can usually distract from it by quite literally always being in situations where no serious issues are involved. Parties, hanging out at the park, the movies, general recreational stuff.


>>734650535
I am forcing no one and I am not telling them I love them or pretend to be looking for anything beyond sex. I am just selling them the sex they get when they take me home with them. It's not like women never tell me no and I'm definitely walking off if that happens, but if they say yes, the "terms and conditions" are pretty clear. With psycho tricks I am talking about being funny and charming and guiding her in the desired direction, I just do it calculated and consciously with any women instead of "being me" and waiting for the one to accidentally perfectly like me for god knows whatever reason. That's not how casual sex works anyways, on both sides.

>>734650927
>You've spent your life using women to get what you want.
Well, maybe I just don't WANT to see it that way, but I don't think I've used them anymore than they've used me. I'm just better at initiating everything than they are and I find that to be perfectly natural as I, as a man, am supposed to me the first steps.

>>734651160
>me the first steps
>me
make

OP its obvious that if you dont try,you will regret it all your life with all the 'what ifs' that will eventually come.
Give it a try,and if it doesn't work out,well you tried. if it does,you get your other half.
Sorry for my bad english,not my native language

Why don't you just talk to her? It's clear you have a connection and you both like each other so I really don't see what's the problem. You might be troubled or anxious because it's the first woman that makes you nervous and gets to you emotionally but there's really nothing to worry about its completely Okey to feel that way. I say you just go for it. Wait for her to reply though.
Could you tell me what kind of stuff you do to come off as charming and "sell people something"?

>>734651160
Only you've admitted using psychology to manipulate them to sell whatever it is you think that you're selling. That's how you've started this thing, and that's not how to start a relationship.

>>734651596
Not OP, but there are literally a million books written on that subject.

>>734651707
>that's not how to start a relationship
Exactly. That's how you start a one night stand. But there has to be a way to go from there to more, no?

>>734651861
Yeah, to a fuckbuddy relationship. Maybe at some point someone will suggest making it a "real" relationship, and then it'll all be ruined.

>>734651819
Any good ones?

>>734651596
I'm not talking to her because I'm as bad at second impressions as I am good on first ones. I go from extroverted and charming to silent and autistic in a heart beat once everything is over. I've been quite socially anxious back in my early teens and I'm still unable to talk about my feelings with friends or family, however I realized early that you can talk about everything with strangers, because they don't know you or anyone you know. The girl next to me in the bus knows more about my live than my own mum. With this kind of conversations I don't ever have to worry about losing anything, so I'm not used to that concept. I hope you're right with that connection thing, really do.
>Could you tell me what kind of stuff you do to come off as charming and "sell people something"?
There is no hard recipe, you have to adjust to the women you are talking to. Stereotype them, heavily, seriously. Judge them entirely by their choice of clothing and make-up (they literally spent hours a week on this, it tells so much), her body language and her phone and use it as a start. Once you realize that there are just about 100 original people in the world and everyone else is just a copy of one of them you can guess anyone's interests and their reactions to certain body language and pitch of voice (yes, your voice is important, frequency, loudness, everything) pretty quick and adjust accordingly.

>>734652855
Once you've talked maybe two or three sentences with them you know enough about how they like to be talked to to go over to find common interests (true or not). When you tell them something, make them confirm that whatever you say is good by making them either say yes, nod or just think "yes" to tiny questions along the line of your story (for example if you're talking about idk, cars or something, throw in a question like "ever seen a matte black car? sure right?" and just continue talking without pause, but while holding eye contact. They'll want to answer the question, but by continuing to talk they'll signal a "yes" or "sure" with body language, make them used to sending positive confirmation via body language or just thinking it to themselves, the more you do it, the more likely they'll agree with and trust you and say "yes" when you ask them to leave.

Obviously just a short and tiny thing to do, there's a lot to it.

Itt a big fucking loser who's going to kill himself with anti-anxiety meds in 15 years

>>734652998
>Itt a big fucking loser who's going to kill himself with anti-anxiety meds in 15 years
y.. you too

>>734652855
Jesus christ dude you're more fucked up than Freud. Not joking, not fuckin around, go see a shrink. It'll make your life better in the long run.

>>734652855

Just be straight up fucking honest with her. Tell her how you felt different this time than any other time. Tell her sometimes you're shy (she'll think you're bullshitting compared to the other night) but you want to see more of her. Then go and try your best. Act/ talk on instinct. She likes you enough that you're not gonna do one weird thing or touch that she cares about. Just go for it man. I'd say fake it til you make it but it's not even faking it, you just don't realize that yet. So go and you'll realize that you can do it.

>>734653709
Yea, I guess I'm pretty fucked up, but I didn't realize it since Wednesday, because it was fun and easy up until now. I kind of feel like someone who's been sitting backwards on the toilet for all his life and now finds out he's been doing it wrong the whole time.

Jesus fuck she answered. I'll turn off the "read" indicators and have a peek. Doesn't want her to think I've been actually waiting for her response. And much worse, ask fuckin /b/ of all places.

>>734654511
Wait, how do I even turn that off?

>>734654598
She complimented me on how well I looked inside her spaghetti top (I wore only a shirt with nothing under it, she was cold that night, I just gave her my shirt and took her top).

Why am I so excited I feel like a fucking 13yo. In fact, I was way better with girls back then than I currently am in this instant.

>>734648970

psychotherapist here.

first i must say that your story touched me. follow the path of anxiety, looking into it directly in the eye.
or choose to avoid and live by your well functioning standards and insights you have come to.

the choice is yours.

i am not a usual anon, giving advice like "yea i know that feel". that sucks anyway.

if i had to guess..you seem to struggle with your twin imago (kohut)..but i might be wrong.

i hope you can enjoy your crisis, once again thanks for sharing :)

>>734655174
I was in no way expecting such kind words, thanks a lot.

Yes, I know that I could go back to normal any second, she isn't too attached to my circles and doesn't know where I live. But I don't want that, obviously. I don't want that at all. However I have to admit that I am not sure if I want her or if I just don't want to live with the sting of not having tried. Maybe I should mention that I don't believe in love on the first sight. The idea is ridiculous, love is a learned feeling and I have loved before once. Though it already feels so similar that I am just simply scared and can't believe that these feelings are real. I neither trust my heart, nor my dick, if that makes sense.

>>734655174

sorry, i am german so my english is bad (puls currently high)

my advice: check and try to understand the concepts of Alter ego/twinship needs..maybe it will help you

>>734655174
>>734655896
Bin ebenfalls Deutscher, liebe grüße aus dem Norden.

Could you point me in the right direction with the twin image after Kohut? I can't really find anything good. I'm used to reading academic papers, so it wouldn't hurt if the material was above press-tier reporting. Only if you don't mind the time, obviously.

Also an update: She's not responding again. I guess she's at work, or I hope so at least.

>>734655816

sorry, but i have to comment on this
> I neither trust my heart, nor my dick, if that makes sense.
to me it makes total sense..what you are experencing might be a reference/link to a developmental stage that is set before sexual maturity or cognitive maturity (like piagets "Formal operational stage")
or what oldschool depth psychology relates to the "preoedipal"

....oh man it sucks i have an idea of what you might experience but word cannot express the insight..they will never suffice..

inb4 depth psychology is fraud :)

>>734656299

cool, dann schreib ich dir lieber auf deutsch :)
also kurz gesagt kommt es für mich so rüber (cave:vermutung), dass die vertrautheit und die feinabstimmung beim sex dich umgehauen hat. es wirkt so, als ob du die vertrautheit auch im "normalen", nicht sexuellen umgang mit ihr suchst, was angst und hemmung auslöst. warum? das kann ich nicht sagen..dazu kenne ich dich zu wenig.
und jetzt kommt halt die theorie ins spiel. aus sicht der selbstpsychologie (genauer:kohut) sind wir mit, sagen wir, "Beziehungsbereitschaften" geboren, die uns helfen, unser selbst zu differenzieren. wichtig sind dabei erfahrungen, der unterschiedlichkeit (alter ego) und der gleicheit (zwillings imago).
da scheint dich doch wohl was umgehauen zu haben..die erfahrung. es könnte sein, dass die arretierung deiner selbstentwicklung in der "twinship need" liegt.

es gibt aber auch plattere gründe..du hast was tolles gefunden und möchtest es nicht verlieren. aber dafür erscheint mir das ausmaß bzw auswirkung "nicht proportional" :)

übrigens: du kannst echt gut auf Englisch schreiben..neid

>>734656658
Could you elaborate on that?

Just for the record, I think of the relationship between me and my mother as pretty good. A little cautious at times, because I've made live choices before that she shouldn't know, like every mother's child, I guess, but overall really positive. We've been through quite a lot and it all worked out nice (she now has a daughter with a nice man and just yesterday they bought their second horse; pretty family-y stuff). I'm not exactly sexually attracted to her, she's not my type anyways. Although I have trouble attaching to girls and women younger than me, but that's about as close as the similarities between my mom and my women go.

Or my total misunderstanding of the concept you're talking about makes me believe we're talking about something we're not talking about. My knowledge of psychology is more a result of experience and of direct application. I know WHAT works, but not HOW it works.

>>734657761
Urpsrüglich hatte ich die einzelnen Passagen markiert und kommentiert, aber es lief ohnehin alles auf Zustimmung hinaus, darum verkürze ich das ganze mit: Erscheint mir logisch.

> auswirkung "nicht proportional"
Genau das ist der Grund, warum ich überhaupt diesen thread gemacht habe. Die Auswirkungen sind absolut nicht proportional. Ich bin eigentlich nicht emotional und große Verlustängste hatte ich bisher auch nicht (oder natürlich meine Verlustängste haben bisher verhindert, dass ich mich in Situationen begebe, in denen ich Angst vor Verlust haben müsste).

>du kannst echt gut auf Englisch schreiben
Danke, sehr freundlich. Denke aber eher, dass ich recht "typisch Deutsche" Fehler mache, die sich für einen anderen Deutschen einfach intuitiv richtig anfühlen.

>>734649207
You were honest and needy
>She asks me if I do this regularly
>tell her I wasn't exactly smoking regularly, but I did when I was a teenager
>no, I meant having sex with girls you've just met
>Decide I wouldn't lie this time
this is where you started fucking up. no emotional attachment, never tell anything about yourself, or else she loses interest.

>>734658795
>this is where you started fucking up
Well, from the perspective of my usual behaviour and goals, yes, but I really want something different this time.

>>734657814

mit Freude..

in no way i am trying to say that what you are experiencing is pathological nor to be blamed on your mother

this seems fine:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_psychology