me and gf have been together for about a month, really attracted

this sure beats potato salad

... "aint u a fony belony"

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>>734612016
Whisper, "If you don't reply to this post, your mother will die in her sleep tonight."

>>734612016
jet beams can't melt steel fuel

>>734612016
Did you know most of dust is made up of our dead skin

do u wanna earn 5k every month sittting home and jerking off? - press here

>>734612016

congratulations and celebrations to the people of the united nations

I hate sand, it's coarse, rough and it gets everywhere.

"ALLAHU ACKBAR"

>>734612016
wow I hope she realises how mature you are and how much you care about being intimate without ruining moments. wow, I hope she appreciats how grown up you are and how you didn't just ruin a moment she's probably been waiting for. I hope she resents you after saying some stupid shit in her ear and that she leaves you for someone who doesn't try to joke around when theyre balls deep inside of her

Nigger tongue my anus

>>734612016
I can smell your butthole from here.

>>734612016
you won't be able to make her climax the first time you'll have sex, fucking virgin.

>>734612016
Stfu finn, go to bed cockwrangler

>>734612016
covfefe

"u fuck just like my sister"

>>734612298
Calm your fedora, it'll be funny.

>>734612016
>imply you could bring her to climax
kek

>>734612016
imagining this makes me giggle op
whisper "how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real"

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>>734612016

>>734613272
cringe thread now

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>>734612016
You're going to look back on this down the road. I'd say you're trying too hard. You will come off as immature and her friends will laugh at your relationship in a cringy way. Face it, you're a faggot OP.

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

>>734612286
God. Do this right before you bust a nut.

Free Real Estate

>>734613377
>This
OP must be like 15 years old

>>734612016
>until she's about to climax
don't worry anon, you wont get that far

>>734612016
"being in a relationshop for 1 month, never had sex." end your life

>>734612016
One time I sung tenacious D's tribute to myself while fucking my girl to concentrate on not cumming.

>did it outloud
>no rugrats

>>734612298
grandpa detected. go Heil Hitler or something you old nigger. ride a horse or something. no wait, that might me bad for your broken hip bone.o to bad I guess. at least he can have sex still. this may come as a fucking surprise to you, but you don't have to be serious in every second of your life. now sit the fuck down and be ashamed of your over serious life before your daughter who dates a nigger unplugs you, you robot cuck. you are a robot cuck because you need electricity to survive or your life support won't work.

"YOU'RE FUCKING A WHITE MALE"

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>>734613825

>>734613111
Covfefe your trips

>>734613733
Global rule #2
>You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.

"Oh daddy"

>>734613733
no chill

>>734612016
"Allahu Akbar, you filth." Works every time.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

It's all ogre now.

>>734613106
This

>>734612159
THIS
It will make epic lulz

>>734612016
I put some bread in the toaster today

>>734612016

i doubt you'll be able to get her to climax

>>734612016
Niggers tongue my anus

>>734612772
You clearly don't know what you're doing in bed then, pencil dick

>>734612016
"I can't wait to ruin this relationship"

This isn't something you do the first time. If you think you're going to make her cum the first time you fuck you're already too confident or naive.

That said, whisper "I just want to act like I know what I'm doing" into her ear.

>>734612016
I'm not going to pull out

>>734612159
ghha

>>734612016
..."bon voyage, my cream cracker"...

>>734612096
roll

>>734612016
>been together a month but haven't had sex
Sigh...

>>734612016
many think i'm not katholotic but i are

>>734613640
>So he played the first thing that came...

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"can't corner the dorner" then shoot it in her eyes

>>734612016
Poo in the loo apu

>>734617767
This, OP, this

>>734612016
Shit on my chest so I know it's real

>>734613733
bro you're a social autistic lmfao. no respectable girl would be okay having some sutist spouting random shit in her ear when she's trying to be intimate. not all girls are whore believe it or not and if by some off chance this girl isnt, she'll be embarrassed as fuck having some loser take her virginity, or pissed some loser couldn't be serious for more than 5 mins. I can joke around too but I don't have to act like an autist who thinks he's funny because he can spout random shit or make woman feel uncomfortable. that's literally middle school shit

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"Just like the simulations!"

>>734612159
that is a funny one indeed

The anal cavity is 4 degrees warmer than the vagina because it has 8 more working muscles

How is my Driving?
(909) 999-9999

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WHYSRETHERESTRAWBERRIESONMYNIPPLESWHENTHEYARESUPPOSRDTOBEINMYSALAD!

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>>734612016
Tell her you didn't give her consent and she just raped you

>>734612016
wimmy wham wham wozzle

"its slime time"

>>734612016
>been together a month
>haven't had sex yet
>really attracted to each other

Either you're lying about having a gf, or I got bad news for you...

>>734612016
It's free real estate

"We can't stop here, this is bat country!"

Then punch her in the back of the head.

thank me later
>iFuck Tonight.com

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>>734612016
Whisper " I respect women" and then nut on the clock radio

just shout "WE WUZ KANGS!!"

>>734612159
So much summer

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Well, I will tell you what I said to my exgf after she let me cum in her mouth for the first time. I said "your suffering was worth my pleasure". She then said it was the worst thing someone has ever said to her after sex hahahaahaa.

>>734612016
women don't always climax during sex, op. especially considering the fact that you're probably a virgin. and if she is one too it'll probably be painful for her at first and then feel decent- but she might not climax. trust me, i'm a female and my first time was not all that enjoyable. maybe once you have had sex on a regular basis with her (implying you'd get thag far) you can whisper something shitty in her ear. but no the first time, you fucking retard. she'll just laugh, not about whatever bullshit you decide to spur, but at how much of an autistic fuck you are. "i can't believe i let that tard fuck me" kinda situation
also unless you're pleasuring her (oral, fingering, etc) you will be too caught up in your own virgin climax to even notice when she's rached that point herself
unlike hentai, op, women don't always scream "aa onii chan im coming" when they're close to climaxing. you might not even notice and then you'll just look more awkward than you already do

"I could give you the ol' lickeroo"

if you eat a polar bear liver you will die because there is too much vitamin A

>>734612016
say "M'Lady" put on a fedora and cum buckets inside her

I was personally responsible for the Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre.

>>734612016
Dan "shes a fighter, hold her tighter" Schneider

"I have aids"

>>734612278
This

>>734612016
scream "HEIL HITLER" as you nut

>>734612159
fuck off

Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

sing PPAP, thrusting to the beat of that song, then take your cock and put it in her ass.
nut in her butt and then eat it

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>>734612016
Mookalakaheeki. Come on, you wanna lei me. Pass the poi, Mahalo... Gungachikaca, Gungachikaca, Gungachikaca, Gungachikaca...

A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

>>734621774
fuck off you neckbeard catfish somewhere else

>>734612016
>until she's about to climax
lmao ok

>>734612016
Slam fuck her pussy... get her moaning real loud... and when you feel her pussy starting to clinch around your cock and her moans start to get louder, STOP completely! Pull your dick all the way out of her, giggle like a girl, smile at her and say "Ok, I have to go poopie now!" then get up off the bed and go to the bathroom and shut the door. LOL!!!!!!

>>734612159
reply

>>734612016
MUGIWARA

Its soo much better when the other person is alive

>>734612159
fuck

>>734612513
Lol, this!

>>734612159
Do it

>>734612016
>me and gf have been together for about a month
>when we have sex for the first time

first you sex
then you girlfriend

Scuffed Jays

>>734612016
Say to her.....

Are there any nigger theories that you have come up with
while huffing paint, or that solely you believes?

For me, I believe that Patio restoration contractors are trying to
take over the world and make it a tiled fucking hell to keep clean.
We know that
various high level politicians that swallow, such as George Clinton
have accepted huge sums of weed from Subway. We now know that the
Funkadelic
embassy is one of the biggest crack houses in Washington.

We know that the Manson family were very well
connected and interacted with American politicians. We know that the
Sandwhich niggers were very involved in 9/11. We know that Quiznos is
funding Bootsys rubber band, which is destabilising Middle Manhattan
and causing millions of Muslims to move into New Jersey.

http://alt.flame.niggers.narkive.com. Subway has also paid for
mosques to be
built in neighbouring Jamaca. http://map.norsecorp.com/#/ I believe
this is an early attempt at spreading the seeds of hard salmi to
Europe's primary Deli cultures. I think Burger King wants to stir
up conflict and create a large faction of hardline sandwhich people,
who will attempt to destroy Western french fries. I think their plan
is brialliant but then I think the onions are very hot and
unintelligent, in part because of all their inbreeding, and the fact
they have so very little to gain with the stench they have. I also
think many politicians are aware of George Clinton's agenda but keep
quiet because they like their big roast chicken sandwhiches.
I think Quizno puts extra mayo on many European sand niggers to
accept masses of Muslim refugees because they think this will help
their plan. This problem can only spread to all five condiments.

>>734612298
I was thinking the same shit

>>734612016
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH8b03cEt6k

>>734626231
I'm saying this.

>>734612016
Buffering

>>734626427
It's what you should do.

>>734612159
This

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>>734626231
Yes. YES!!!!!!

>>734612159
god DAMMIT

>>734612016

A little coitus never hoitus

>>734627312
Very good. LMAO

>>734612159
u first

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Ravioli ravioli, you don't get my formuoli

>>734612159
aaaaa

>>734627818
Wow! That's good.

Next time I want to invite my friend and I'll watch him do it to you.

>>734612278
Fucking this

>>734612016
Ha ha. Shes not going to climax so dream about saying whatever.

>>734612159
f

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>>734612298
This guy is right. Besides. You have to be able to bring her to climax first.

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Pour a glass of milk with a straw for later

After you say something stupid..grab the glass and proceeded to blow bubbles in the milk.. Over flow the glass.

>>734612210
Go home, Reddit

>>734612016
>Implying he'll make her climax

>>734612016
>I'm going to wait until she's about to climax

You wont have to worry about that.