embarassing autism tales? embarassing autism tales >be 17,

Is that really why they call you the salter?

>>734081442
>"nah, imagine that happening to a pussy after you salt it."
I dont get it.

You make pussies go dry?

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>>734081442
I'd assault her just for asking me the time of day

>>734081442
thesalter27?

>>734081738
https://youtu.be/ZEgShdQ_v2I?t=59

If you salt a slug, is dissolves because the salt absorbs the moisture from them.

>>734081738
Yeah I think that was the autistic part. Otherwise would've been alpha

>>734081738
Kek. Thats what i thought too

26, 21 yo invites me her home to watch a series we both like
too autistic to get what was that about
silently watching it next to her
at the end I get up, smile, thanks and go home
she actually liked me and se was hot as fuck

now 31 yo kissless virgin

Cmon op wtf. Green text how you got the nickname.

I've been in that senerio. For me, it's more of stand up comedian having a bad night. Fuck em all, especially that dumb ass blonde. Afraid she was gonna get raped?! Bitch, please! It was a bad joke!

Not really autism be still kinda sad.
>be me at party
>wanna hook up with qt 8/10
>she was drunk and tired
>we kuddled
>well maybe this goes somewhere
>just wanted to ask if she wanted to go upstairs
>she starts crying extremely hard
>wat
>she sais she sorry for something
>she keeps saying sorry
>outta nowhere she has panic attack
>friends help her while i just sit there thinking where i went wrong

>>734082011

it's not that funny.

>around a year earlier, be 16
>have bunch of friends, we travel together to school via train
>one is a large country boy, second guy's a nazi
>i'm watching the landscape from the window
>suddenly, i come with the idea of salting pussy
>me: "hey, guys, you know what happens if you salt a slug?"
>them: "yeah, anon, it dissolves"
>me: "now imagine that to happen to a pussy"
>they stare at me, then laugh
>everytime i try to talk to girls when they're present, they come up with salt-related puns
>"let's salt things up", "whoah, you're a salty one, aren't you?", etc.

>>734081442
>24 years old.
>Work at a bar for 4 years, former burglar (2nd story specialist). I had to give up the fun job because falling through a rotten garage roof fucked me up and got me put on a police watch list. Long story short, went straight
>I was a real loyal employee for my boss. He treated me well so I even did shit that wasn't in my job.
>Boss's DUMB employee locks boss's key in the office - AGAIN. Boss is mad about having to call the locksmith again. The set of spare keys were already in the office and his wife was out of town.
>Being helpful, I improvise cheap lockpicks and open his office right up. He asks me how I did it. I told him "Locks don't stop me, they just slow me down."
>Boss talks to cop friends, learns I'm a former thief. He let me go because he doesn't want a former thief have access to his money.
>Trying to keep my job, I told him "If I wanted to rob you, I would have did it years ago and would not have needed to apply for the job." That a didn't go well.

>>734082315
Fucking genius

>>734081949
>Yeah I think that was the autistic part. Otherwise would've been alpha
I dont fucking know. I've said worse shit and didn't get fucking ostracised

>student party, shaved my head
>japanese qt grabs my head from behind
>"omg so SMOOTH"
>swiftly turn around, make eye contact
>"you think that's smooth? you should feel my balls."
she made some weird high pitch noise and I never saw her again. got high fives from bros around though

>white af. nord, nother party
>girl drunk, compliment my skin
>"you look like the snowman from frozen hahahaha"
>grab arm, tell her
>"Yes, but my carrot is in another place" while slowly moving her hand to my groin
got laid.

>>734081997
congrats on becoming a wizard anon

>>734081997
You are magic.

>>734081442
Same thing happened to me the other day. Was at the park smoking weed and met up with this little bitch ass smug mother fucker of an aquaintance and his crew. We smoke weed, small talk. For whatever reason, he's doing something under the table that looks like masterbating. I say "you do that often at the park?" It takes him and crew to get the joke. They laugh and start adding their lame ass sense of humor onto said joke. They get to saying something about helping each other out with dutch rudders or something. Them I say, "alright guys, enough of the gay jokes now." All of a sudden, these fucks get all wide eyes and think I'm making a move on them. Que a mean girls scene.

>>734082315

Lies.

Your story doesn't add up, faggot.

>>734082549
>>734082651
many thanks, but I would gladly give up my powers for pussy

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>>734082759

>>734082231
it's not your fault that her father raped her from ages 2 to 16. try again and better luck next time. also don't go after chicks who look drunk/tired. gives the impression you want to take advantage of their weakness.

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>be me
>sitting on a bench in college
>qt 3.14 looks at me and smiles
>Like the "You're kinda cute smile"
>don't know how to explain it but you probably know what I'm getting at
>immediately look down, I feel like I've been shot by a bullet in the chest
>I look back up and she just kinda turned and walked away
>mfw I realize that I've never felt loved so someone showing interest actually caused me pain

>>734083060
that is outdated. Nowdays it's too easy to be wizard, the last step should be 40.
and 25 point of no return.

>>734083459
too easy? what no whores where you live?

>>734082693
Like the little bitches they are, they look at each other, with omg all over their faces. At this point, I realize the misunderstanding. But I don't say shit cause denying that I'm hitting is just gonna make me look gayer to these small minded little fucks. For the longest time there was an unsettling akward silence. The most annoying little shit of the group covers his face with his palms, mouthing words to the other shit faces. Probably calling me all kinds of shit that this little fuck's annoying smug ass mind can think of. Like the pussy's they are, they just tell each other they ought to go, and get up to leave. I at least have the decency to say bye.

Fuck you Nick, you bitch ass little faggot. No one liked you before cause you've always been a know it all, always right little shit. I at least tried to get along with you, but you still act like a know it all piece of shit. I guess a cunt is gonna act like a cunt.

I hope you're reading this.

Fuck you little dick nick!

>>734083258
you are loved anon.

>>734083507
I'd rather stay virgin than go with whores.
I want love

>>734083530
Many people are fucking assholes.
Was in shop.
Coffee machine flashed up it needed milk.
Shop assistants busy.
Pick up milk, pour it in perfectly.
Great, now can have that coffee.
Shop assistant comes over and he starts to lectures me and nags
Apologise saying was trying to help.
They are rude as fuck.
Did I fuck up, and am so spastic can't see,
Or arw they cunts?

>>734082449
Let it grow, let it show

>>734083828
Was the shop assistant's name nick? If it is, that explains everything.

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>>734081442

>>734084732
Spot on old chap!

Would only bang my gf with clothes on. Literally would just grind. Too shy for anything else (15 years old)