The wizard is back. Tell me what to say and I'll record

>>733956001
What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.

Raise thine horns, brethren!
Raise them up to the sky!
For we drink in the name of brave, fallen friends!
We shall be re-united in death.

>>733956225

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1SAxbdJUh4E

>>733956001
Mexico will pay for the wall.

One hundred percent. They don't know it yet, but they're going to pay for it. And they're great people and great leaders but they're going to pay for the wall. On day one, we will begin working on intangible, physical, tall, power, beautiful southern border wall.

We will use the best technology, including above and below ground sensors that's the tunnels. Remember that, above and below.

Above and below ground sensors. Towers, aerial surveillance and manpower to supplement the wall, find and dislocate tunnels and keep out criminal cartels and Mexico you know that, will work with us. I really believe it. Mexico will work with us. I absolutely believe it. And especially after meeting with their wonderful, wonderful president today. I really believe they want to solve this problem along with us, and I'm sure they will.

>>733956205

http://vocaroo.com/i/s11McVdhjl9x

>>733956588
Number two, we are going to end catch and release. We catch them, oh go ahead. We catch them, go ahead.

Under my administration, anyone who illegally crosses the border will be detained until they are removed out of our country and back to the country from which they came.

And they'll be brought great distances. We're not dropping them right across. They learned that. President Eisenhower. They'd drop them across, right across, and they'd come back. And across.

Then when they flew them to a long distance, all of a sudden that was the end. We will take them great distances. But we will take them to the country where they came from, OK?

Number three. Number three, this is the one, I think it's so great. It's hard to believe, people don't even talk about it. Zero tolerance for criminal aliens. Zero. Zero.

Zero. They don't come in here. They don't come in here.

>>733956588

http://vocaroo.com/i/s080WVFIwqaJ

>>733956588
>Intangible
ISWYDT.

say

"what on earth did that alchemists potion do to my dick?!?! its all shrunken up like a goblins ballsack. lord of light please save my pecker from this cursed elixir. that alchemist will pay..."

>>733956702

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0LrDDOraKTM

>>733956001
holy shit never thought youd come back.
its been like 2 years since i last saw a wizard thread.

>>733956001
Please, Josh! Leave me alone. I don't wanna care your babies and I don't need your dick pics.

>>733957034

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1NH1WYLw0uY

Only recorded the first 9 seconds for some reason. Vocaroo is on the fritz...

>>733956882
http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-donald-trump-immigration-speech-transcript-20160831-snap-htmlstory.html

>>733957356

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0tm92th97DP

I have seen so much, know so much, and keep so many secrets.
I sometimes think it would be best if I write down all my memories that are good and beneficial to humanity, then kill myself so that the horrible truths that I know will never be spoken.

Tell me, do you know what it feels like when you can bring the dead back to life?
When you can create incomprehensibly complex spaces?
When you can bend the laws of the universe to your will?
And then realizing that these things are things that must not be known.

I am still very much human, and know that since I am human, I will eventually become evil in some way. I will lead myself into a delirium, forcing myself to commit crimes against nature, all while believing that I am good.

Tell me, my young apprentice, do you know how that feels?
Do you want to know how that feels?
Because if you stay and learn all that I know alongside me, you will.
So I warn you: The path of wizardry can very easily turn dark.

>>733957185

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0fw4acRwp87

"Hitler was actually sent back in time in an attempt to stop the Jew uprising of 3027ad. Hitler himself was a Jew but he knew that the power of the Jews was too much and that they had to be stopped. "

"ya so basically Hitler was Keanu Reeves."

Nude and violated I raped the life from her body
Lying dead the insects bite her pale skin
My marks of torture
Left on my daughter
Body badly beaten
I remember
My ropes and chains
bruised her arms and legs
I wiped her blood on my face
her tender body I disgraced
Slow strangulation

>>733957670

http://vocaroo.com/i/s11TC34LzC7p

My finest performance to date?

It's LOVELY being an adult baby! You get lots of cuddles and a teddy bear to squeeze. And you get lots of jolly clothes with prints on them - little dinosaurs, ROAR!!!

>>733956001
you sooooooooooooooooooooo should send the speech file somewhere, laughing my ass off

>>733957883

http://vocaroo.com/i/s01sJLt4gdoT

>>733956001
When we fight wars,.they last forever. Idelogies never go away, and war is prolonged and fuels everyone one way or another.

If anyone wants to win a war, you inspire people. You create and become heroes of past wars.

Legeneds, on the other hand, have long lasting implications. They won't be forgoten like the man who helped you find what you were looking for in the store. Legendes leave a long lasting impact that stays with us and sticks out in our mind.


Heroes never die, but legends live forever.

>>733958024

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0POs7OKL6Rs

I am sick and tired of these monkey fighting snakes on my motherfucking couch. I will desecrate all of you. Prepare for hell, snekmen.

>>733956001


Our country is a mess. We don't even know what to look for anymore, folks. Our country has to straighten out. And we have to straighten out fast.

The number is likely higher. But the administration refuses to provide this information, even to Congress. As soon as I enter office I am going to ask the Department of State, which has been brutalized by Hillary Clinton, brutalized.

Homeland Security and the Department of Justice to begin a comprehensive review of these cases in order to develop a list of regions and countries from which immigration must be suspended until proven and effective vetting mechanisms can be put in place.

I call it extreme vetting right? Extreme vetting. I want extreme. It's going to be so tough, and if somebody comes in that's fine but they're going to be good. It's extreme.

And if people don't like it, we've got have a country folks. Got to have a country. Countries in which immigration will be suspended would include places like Syria and Libya. And we are going to stop the tens of thousands of people coming in from Syria. We have no idea who they are, where they come from. There's no documentation. There's no paperwork. It's going to end badly folks. It's going to end very, very badly

>>733958202

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1NDM7jDNbIy

>>733958339

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Ut9tnqidon

Yeah, I have no idea what this means.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Greetings, YouTube. This is Executor, also known as Woolie Wool. And I'm recording from my bathroom, because I went outside and saw dirt on the ground, and the ground was brown, and I am afraid of the colour brown and it causes me to make yellow in my... in my pants.

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.

can you narrate this short story i just wrote?


you are in a dark forest with your magical staff lighting the area, but still. shadows lurk the corners of your eyes .

out of the mist, a figure emerges bearing a brown tatty cloak over some ripped clothes. branches with leaves can be seen poking out of its back and limbs.

the creature reaches out its hand and points a long crooked wooden finger at you and says

"wizard, do ye carry a blade?"

"i am unarmed creature! my magic keeps me protected from the evils that may roam this forest. i pray ye are not here for violence" you reply with a stern yet cautious tone.

the creature jumps up with joy and throws off the cloak and rags. it stretches out its wooden limbs as leaves fall the to floor revealing a menacing smile full of thorns for teeth. a single snail emerges from the mouth slowly slithers out on the tree creatures extended tongue and falls to the floor. as soon as the snail hits the ground the tree creature becomes a twisted snarled tree and nothing else. the snail begins inching its way towards you.

"what craft is this!" you scream at the snail.
you back away a couple steps as the snail is inches away. you hear crunching below your feet as you look down in horror.
thousands of snails under you, all around you. panic sets in as you begin to lose feeling in your arms. then legs.

with your last breath you look at the snail. your flesh becoming wood you begin to be consumed by the snails. leaving all but your head exposed.

with your staff out of reach you succumb to the snails and with your last breath you utter your last words to the snail before becoming part of the forest

"you bitch"

>>733958373

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1pyqJT5JoJI

>>733958381
Thank you so much man

>>733957399
fuckin lold.
thanks man

Get up!
Don't sit around moping, because that won't do anyone any good.
Back in my day, we stood up straight and tall.
We put on our boots.
We sucked some dick.
We marched outside and did what needed to be done because THAT was what needed to be done!
Don't sit there and hope that something will change!
Go out and make it change!

I want to take the ears off, but I can't. I hop, and when I hop, I never get off the ground. It's my curse, my eternal curse! I want to take the ears off but I can't! It's my curse! It's my fucking curse! I want to take the ears off! Please! Take them off! Please!

Hello anon, how are you anon, all right anon?

This

>>733958019
That was fucking awesome

I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons: Don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought is could give me lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

>>733958656

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1JG9hmeYXRA

Delightful writing!