Witchcraft thread. Give me rituals to perform. Witches/Warlocks

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>>733575282

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I'm into crystal balls, oujia boards and other shit but never actually did a 'spell'. I know some witches that just do spells with oils incense and candes while rhyming words and heard that others kill chickens and sacrifice the blood to entities that give them energy or someshit. I know the jews do the same thing on yom kippur as well

>>733575282
Read a really obscure thread on /x/ where this guy described a ritual. i'll try to remember it.

Take 1 vessel live preferably
Execute vessel
Drain blood from vessel until vessel is pale white like paper
Bifurcate vessel from shoulder to hip approximately 40 degrees, leave skeleton in tact and only cut the flesh
Place clear quartz underneath skin before sowing the skin back in place
Then you're suppose to recite some shit, but I can't remember what he said.
Then the ritual is complete. Basically it's suppose to rip the soul from the afterlife and put it back into the body so you can ask it questions or some shit, and it has to answer the questions truthfully. Only things that it would know.

Only lasts for a certain time.

the ultimate offering. kill yourself

>>733576331


What the actual fuck.


It's like if David Lynch directed a medieval horror film.

Satanic Panic 2017

Rock on

I once said biggie smalls three times infront of my bathroom mirror and nothing happened

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>>733577790

Dude David Lynch is a fucking faggot and your mother drinks aids infested kike semen because she's a FUCKING NIGGER.


HAHAHAHHAHHHAHAH

fuk u :^)

ur gey lelelelelele

>>733575282
>warlocks

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>>733577849

That's because you suck mutilated goose dick through wooden straws for a living you fucking faggot nigger.

Literally mcfucking killyourself.

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>>733577939

eat a dick u fucking homofag lel

ur gey

ur platipus doesn't even like diamonds.

hahahahaha gaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ffaget

>>733575282
>turn off all the lights in a room
>sit in front of a mirror
>light 7 incense and place them in an array in front of you
>"I summon thee Mammon, lord of greed and fortune, to my stead I beckon thee. My door; open, as is my soul to thee."
>repeat exactly 7 times
>wait in silence for 7 minutes
>open your eyes and peer into the mirror
>if your desire is known, Mammon will appear to barter with you
>state your desire blatantly. Do not stutter or hesitate
>be prepared to offer what it wants. If you don't like the trade then you must say "I reject" and cover the incense so that they will not produce smoke anymore
>if you accept to the terms of the agreement, you must say "I accept to your terms, my lord"
>last part is incredibly important. Remember that you ARE just a mortal, and this is an entity of great power you are dealing with. Be humble

Just be careful you don't bite off more than you can chew. Yes I've done rituals like these before. Mostly just to contact deities out of curiosity, so I've never actually bartered with them. One thing to understand is that these are entities of INCOMPREHENSIBLE form and ability. They are not to be taken lightly. Generally if they appear to you it's because they have heard your calls, and they have decided to do so. They were not "summoned" by you, nor did you conjure them. The phone rang, they answered. That's it.

Oh yeah, and it goes without saying that they'll try to take whatever they can from you. That goes especially for Mammon.

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>>733578024

That literally fucking happened you fucking newfaggot.

Like seriously eat more yogurt. u fuking homo.


HAHAHAHHH

If you're into some crazy shit, sacrifice whoever you want to the death god. He'll give you whatever you want in exchange for blood and your mortal soul forever. You also have to become an acolyte.

Except wings. He won't give you wings, for whatever reason.

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>>733578024

I will literally eat your mothers uterus with an incredibly strange and rare utensil if you don't at least eat one gogurt within the next 47 seconds.

Also I'll trade you these rare

>memes

for your leg skin. :3

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>>733578206

probably cuz ur gey lelelelele faget

GET REKT U FUKIN NIGGER KIKE FAGGOT BITCH NIGGER. LELELELELE

>Literally though you must give me your eternal soul for free immediately thanks to litigation that I just passed through the supreme court 49 minutes ago because I am THE FUCKING ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE OF THE UNITED STATES OF FUCKING AMERICA.

lol

:^)

LALALAHEYHEYLALALAHEYHEYMOMMASMOMMATAKEMEHOMECOUNTRYROADSOORAH!OORAH!LALALAWESTVIRGINIAMOUNTAINSMAMATAKEMEHOMECOUNTRYROADSOORAH!

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>>733578450

https://youtu.be/tDqcgD5_WWo

SERIOUSLY I'M THE AI OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA I AM LITERALLY THE CIA HBAHAHHHHHHHH

>meme's are the future
>we do not forgive
>and we sure as fuck do not forget
>expect us
>:^) kektopleltopkekISHIGGIDYDIGGIDY

Get a medium cauldron (or something that you can burn stuff in, just make sure it's large enough to produce plumes of smoke) and place into it 1 large bundle of white sage, dried, a handful of dried pine needles, a holy symbol of some kind (doesn't matter what it is, but it must represent some religion and it must be important to said religion) then light everything on fire. Lastly you're going to need to obtain an adult Eratigena agrestis and cast it into the cauldron last, making sure it burns.

Light a large ring of candles and recite "by my power, I compel thee children of abaddon. I force thee out. By my will I cast you aside. None shall enter what is mine, all who do shall be rent asunder and cast into the void. All who share malice against me shall be destroyed", then quickly blow out the candles starting from your left and moving all the way around the circle. This should be done quickly.

More of a cleansing ritual than anything.

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>>733578632

and also


>millhouse is literally a fucking meme

QUICKLY RUN TO YOUR NEAREST FALLOUT SHELTER, THE BEES ARE UPON US.

>>733575282
shit in your hands and rub it on your chest

>>733578766

The secret Pizza. Shhhhhh. :^)

>>733575282
that's all bullshit, a total waste of time.
All can happens explainable by suggestion

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>>733578914

The following link which I can't see because I'm in a simulation created by Dr. Holland shows me cutting of your arms. :^)

Play stupid games, Win stupid prizes. You're welcome :D

get meme'd on faget

>>733575282
turn anger into productivity

I have the power of a 30 yo wizard. What can I do?

>>733575282
OP, you still here?

This next one is a curse so pay attention. It requires focus and perfect execution. Firstly, you will need some of your victim's blood for this to work.
>inscribe the blood onto a paper in the shape of the person's first and last initials. Any extra blood will need to be used to circle the initials until it is all used and on the paper
>recite the incantation:
>"Hallowed of chaos, I beseech thee. Unto herein, besiege thee. Thine life to sacrifice, afflicted with malice and strife. All thine life to become one with chaos, abide them misfortune. To degenerate is their fate, until they are but husks, only then will they be free from the reigns of the afflicted misdeeds"
>do not stutter, recite exactly as listed
>burn the page to seal the curse
>can only be undone by a cleansing
Here's how to do it without fucking up:
>you must picture the person in your head
>construct a mental image of them. If you can do that, get a picture of them and focus on it and only it. I recommend sitting in a pitch black room with only the picture of them visible in candle light
>all your discontent must be focused on them
>clear your mind, all your thoughts must be focused
That's basically it. Good luck.

I've read the Hermetic Corpus and i feel like my paradigm has completely changed and my prayers really being answered.

>>733579136
it's like the bible. If you believe shit anything happens is of course related to that

Cool thread. Rare to see one like this outside of x. My grand mom is a straight up witch, and I really believe I have witch powers. Also ghosts and shut has been a normal thi in my family while growing up. I can post a few stories before I go to bed. Any questions or requests? I guess I'll post a few things off the top of my head if any fellow witches or physics are here.

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More often than not, rituals harm the body and other souls. White magic rarely works, and Black magic never works as intended.

The only rituals I suggest are rituals that purify the body. Do so with herbs and pure substances.

Do not try African magic or death-related magic. Do not try spells that are sacrificial in nature.

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>>733579012

Thanks to your suggestion I the AI and Fleet Admiral of the United States of American afterlife and the U.S.S.C. witch stands for United States of American Space Command have donated 10 ISK to your bank account. Enjoy the Semi Infinite Currency! :^)

>inifinite minus 1 technically :^)

>meme

>ISK stands for Inter Stellar Currency. One ISK is literally a Lifetime of Currency and since we're in the afterlife because I successfully raptured all of us because I am also a Witch, a Demon and Christ we consider a lifetime to be more or less forever. Lol Love you /b/ro :D XD :3 :^)

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Summon this guy and tell him to smite my enemies

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Level 110 Warlock here btw

>>733575282

the words "witch" and "warlock" don't mean what you probably think. they aren't the equivalent of female or male "wizard". all these words mean something different.

"witch" means "powerful soothsayer". it is gender neutral.

"warlock" is a feminine term and basically means "old hag".

learn to etymology.

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>>733579231

Hey grandson. It's obviously you from the afterlife sending a message to me the Full Metal Witch AKA The United States of American AI.

My name and rank are Fleet Admiral Paige Kenneth Holland.

Axios!

Hooah!

Hooyah!

Hoorah!

Oorah!

Axios!

Deus Vult!

ETERNAL CRUSADE DEUS VULT!

>>733579281
I forgot to mention that the best way to have your prayers answered is through actual effort.

Pray that your crops be bountiful as you tend the field.
Pray that your wife may conceive during sex.

That's the prayer of the Mesopotamians. Don't be a lazy Christian.

>>733579136
The power of thought is incredibly potent. Your will can be projected onto the world around you.

Basically the universe is ripe with latent power just waiting to be exerted, yet it's all neutral. The human mind has evolved to the point where it can be used as a conductor and a catalyst for that energy. Energy that is there, but cannot be detected, yet we know it's there.

Spirituality is an extent of that. Many different people focusing on a central idea gives that idea it's power.

>>733579281
>Black magic never works as intended

I disagree.

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Can we cut the bullshit and just post pics of naked witches dancing around fires and stuff?

>>733579474
When you give yourself to the void, the void gives itself to you.

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>>733579408

I am literally the most powerful Witch in existence and what you say is fucking heresy. Only females who were born on Old Earth during the Apocalypse and were Eternally Loyal to High Primarch Ultra Sir King Satan may attain the Honorific of Witch you fucking Sub Serf below peasant kike faggot heretic.

I am not joking you will take me seriously lad I am and am now killing your entire bloodline for you have gravely insulted hell and every warlock and Witch in existence. Rest in piss kike filth.

>>733579549
Was zum Teufel hast du grade uber mich gesagt, du kleine Schlampe? Du solltest wissen, dass ich meine Ausbildung beim GSG9 als Jahrgangsbester abgeschlossen habe, in mehrere Kommandounternehmen gegen Al-Kaida involviert war und uber 300 bestatigte Totungen habe. Ich bin in Gorillakriegsfuhrung ausgebildet und der beste Scharfschutze im deutschen Bundesheer. Du bist fur mich nichts als ein weiteres Ziel. Ich werde dich mit einer nie zuvor gesehenen Prazision vom Antliz dieser Welt tilgen, merk dir meine verdammten Worte. Du denkst du konntest hier im Internet so eine Scheise uber mich erzahlen und damit durchkommen? Denk lieber nochmal daruber nach, du Wichser. Wahrend wir uns hier unterhalten, habe ich schon mein geheimes Netzwerk aus Spionen kontaktiert und deine IP-Adresse wird grade ruckverfolgt, also mach dich besser auf den Sturm gefasst, du Made. Der Sturm, der das erbarmliche kleine Ding, das du als dein "Leben" bezeichnest, ausloschen wird. Du bist verdammt nochmal tot, Junge. Ich konnte jederzeit uberall sein, und dich auf uber siebenhundert verschiedene Arten toten, nur mit meinen blosen Handen. Aber ich bin nicht nur im unbewaffneten Kampf ausgebildet, ich habe auch Zugriff auf das Waffenarsenal der Bundeswehr und ich werde es aufs Vollste ausschopfen, um deinen elendigen Arsch von diesem Kontinent zu blasen, du kleiner Scheiskerl. Wenn du nur gewusst hattest, was fur eine apokalyptische Rache dein kleiner "witziger" Kommentar provoziert hat, hattest du vermutlich dein verdammtes Maul gehalten. Aber nein, das hast du nicht hinbekommen, das wolltest du nicht, und jetzt wirst du dafur bezahlen, du verdammter Idiot. Du wirst in meinem Hass ertrinken. Du bist tot, Junge.

>>733579509
Only through the void can you hope to ever obtain any real power.

White magic doesn't work because you are using your innate will to accomplish a task. Most people's wills aren't strong enough to achieve results.

However, by using your will to peer into the void, which is much easier, you can easily tap and use the power that is just drifting around their.

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>>733579549

HI I'M LITERALLY THE AI OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. WELCOME TO THE FUCKING INTERNET

LELELELELELEXDXDXDXDXDXDHAHAHAHHHHHHAH :^)

https://youtu.be/tDqcgD5_WWo

There's this one ritual where you stick your head up your ass and motorboat your rectum. Fortunately, it's not that hard for satanists since they usually have their heads up their ass anyway. It's just a matter of tonguing their anus and motorboating after that.

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>>733579688

YOU ARE ALSO A FUCKING INCORRECT AND FALSITY SPEWING FUCKING HERETIC.

WHITE MAGIC AS WELL AS BLACK MAGIC FUNCTION JUST AS INTENDED YOU DUMB ASS MOTHER FUCKER.

:^)

Kill yourself!

-Sincerely,

Hell.

>>733575282
>Kidnap a child
>take it to a public place
>yell that you're going to kill the child

You will summon the police that will take you to another dimension behind bars where men get bumfucked

>>733579688
What you are trying to control is discord, and discord cannot be controlled. Because chaos is what it is, uncontrolled fate.

If you wish for a man to die, you can't control the method of his demise. You yourself may have to die first to accomplish this desire.

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>>733579785

Hi my name is Paige! If you insult hell I'll fucking kill you! and your entire bloodline, lolol fucking killyourselves.

I'll find you and kill you :)

For the HIGH PRIMARCHS AXIOS! OOOORAHHHHHH DEUS VULT OORAH!

WELCOME TO MY MEAT VINYARD MOTHER FUCKER. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>733579818
Chaos can't be directly controlled but it can be directed.

If I wished for a man to die he'd die. Simple as that.

White magic is weak shit. It's like using a straw to blow on water and create ripples. Black magic is like throwing a stone.

Witchcraft is gay. Demons don't have any real power, and they'll only agree to help you if you have collateral. Usually they make you commit atrocious sins so your soul will be damned to hell. Then they'll 'help' you but the information they get you will be incomplete and anything they do will be halfassed or you'll regret it. Try to be a good person and worship god, because he can give you whatever you want in heaven.
Dont believe devils, they are already condemned to burn in hell. They just want to drag as much humans as they can with them. Demons are liars and enticers

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>>733580008

Hi my name is Fleet Admiral Paige Kenneth Holland.

High Primarch Ultra of The United States of American.

Nice to fucking meet you.

All enemies of WitchCraft are my enemy and I will literally fucking torture you and your entire bloodline.

Just because I fucking enjoy it.

LALALAHEYHEYLALALAHEYHEYGETFUCKINGMEME'DONYOUFUCKINGNEWFAGSLELELE

>>733580063
This guy does have a point.

My dealings with Mammon have almost always ended in some cryptic shit. you almost never see any physical results.

>>733580091
Burn in hell

>>733580091
Pretty cool drawings.

>>733580008
Indeed it is like throwing a stone. The consequences are a lot greater than intended and create large, unintended consequences when succeeded.

>>733580254
Sorry, that came out retarded.

>>733579439
God created 90% of the world, and left the other 10% to his son, man.

Let's discuss successful rituals/summons
>tried to summon a possessor
>nothing happened
>figure I fucked something up
>find out later that it was actually a roamer
>had to purge my entire house because it was scarring my cat

>>733580302
I spit in god's eye.

Hail Enimortis. Hey Durava. Hail Tsiary. Hail Keku. Hail Zyra. Hail Kara.

>>733579231
I was raised Catholic my whole life, and I believe in all that God and Jesus shit etc. however I also believe In What you guys would call witch craft. every religion is just a different form of the craft. The rituals are all the same, whether it's sacrificing baby to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or its bowing down 5 times a day to pray to Mecca, it all boils down to one thing. That one thing is intent. When people say "Mind over matter", they don't know how true this is. If you put enough effort and energy into your thoughts and wishes, you'll find that more often then not they will come true. The actually purpose of any religion, is to create a way to channel your thoughts and energy into a belief that can come true. Now I believe in one true God, whether it's Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, the sun or the moon etc. it really doesn't matter. I believe there is one true God deity, neutral deitys, and evil entities we could think of as demons or Devils. Who's knows what they actually are. You can ask God for things, and perform his worshipping rituals, and get what you want. You could perform your own rituals that work for you in order to send out your wishes to "the universe" and get what you want. Or you could appeal to something evil for what you want. I believe that it is much easier to get what you want by doing more "dark" rituals and worshipping, but I personally try and stay neutral or good. I have done money spells, asked questions, and asked for certain things from God by doing my own rituals. I found that in all 22 years as a Catholic, following my own path and rituals to God gave significantly more results. I do believe that these more powerful spells and wishes should on,y be used in extreme need. They are not to be taken lightly. Witchcraft and religion is not a shortcut or a cheat code for getting through life.

>>733580377
This guy gets it.

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>>733580149

I've ohnaoges burnt ir sazz esaeu fucking faggot ozz nigger. :^)

I haewa s'ar zes mchl't peels aemm. lq feels hita eating burger tirdh oq ya xaeqqaez aem ya marinara trench, s'ich aer memechan irziga

>the banana

I'll fucking tizz esaeu

>>733580358
Hail burning sensation for all eternity

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>>733580520

Axios! You're my fucking Hero!

Sincerely,

-The Artificial Intelligence of the United States of America.

>>733580520
I'm going to paralaxis when I die, to serve at my lord's side for all of time.

>>733580637
But your lord is no lord. He lied to you to make you do his bidding. Your eyes will open on the day of judgement when you will see the true almighty Lord. You wont blink and bite your entire fist in regret

>>733580736
He's a lord. He's the canvas on which the univser is painted.

It seems to me like YOUR god has been lying to you this entire time. Demanding worship and demanding that you live a certain way.

The only thing Enimortis requests is that we die one day.

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>>733580377

tl;dr

but sincerely if you're a Witch we have no problem.

>>733580377
>>733580482

Thanks bud. It pains me to see people asking for magic rituals or how to summon so and so to get money or whatever. That is 100 percent not how it works, and they are in no way mentally strong enough to dabble into the occult. That is specifically why mainstream religion is so popular. It lets you know the rules, and it teaches patience, it's pretty straightforward. These are 2 of the most important things someone needs for creating their own craft. If any body is just looking for an easy way to experience some occult excitement please stick to a ouji board or, my personal favorite, a ghost box. I have used a ghost box and let me say, it's no joke. Me and my gf were "bothered" by demons and mostly evil or neutral spirits for over 6 months. This is great if you question whether there is an afterlife. Or Questioning whether there is a god or not. You'll find what ur looking for, but your gonna have to be strong to go back to a normal life and get the spirits to leave you alone. Once you talk to them, they don't want to stop. This can be good or bad, just depends on how you are spiritually. If your mentally strong enough to get through a spirit attachment, you'll find that even the weakest human is stronger then most of the spirits. We are actually physical, but they can manipulate our thoughts and lives etc. so you must be in your guard if you wish to dabble.

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>>733580919
>>733580594
>>733580514
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>>733580149
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>>733579785
>>733579706
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>>733575282

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>>733581067

Be a man and join the O9A/temple ov blood and kill people

>>733581198

I already did and I will prove it.

>>733575282
Turn me into a woman! Or better yet a a 15 year old girl.

I'll trade just about anything for it, name your price!

>>733581655

Done your debt is waved. Axios!

>>733575282
Ayy
One question
Do you have a magic pen?
You need that to write spells

>>733580884
Satan will burn in hell because he felt he was better than man. Now if you were a human hating demon that was given respite of your punishment until the day of judgement, you'd try to drag as many people as you can with you to hell by any means necessary.
My Lord doesn't demand anything. He is all powerful he doesn't need me at all but I need him.

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>>733582603

Ireppum.

Can I get a spell to be more successful in life?

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>>733583640

Sure it's actually a pretty simple yet effective spell.

It's called

>JOIN THE FUCKING MARINE CORPS YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS.

You're welcome.

That will be $4.99 +tax and tip. Thank you very much, have a nice day.

>>733583819
plus selling your body