Cringiest things you've ever done /b/? >be me 13 >fat

>>733280733
bump

unless youre 15 year old then get over it you fucking faggot

>>733280733
bump erino

>>733280733
b-b-bumppp

>>733280733
bawmp

got a blowjob from a 7yo friend when i was 7

>>733281210
how is that cringy

>>733281210
where do u live fam

>>733280733
U must be like 19 now

>>733281122
>>733281266
>>733280733
bump

>>733281321
yea

>>733280733
bumping yet again cmon guuuys

>Be in college
>Definitely an autismo
>Cute girl (looked Eurasian) adds me on facebook on an app similar to tinder
>Talks to me a lot
>Talks to me on messenger
>Changes her major to be the same one as mine
>still talks to me
>asks to get together
>I always avoid her
>I literally don't get the memo that she liked me until 4 years after graduation where it hit me like a ton of bricks.

>>733281661
that's not cringe thats feels

had a similiar experience, i know the pain

>>733280733
We all do cringy shit when we're 13, bro.

I was a metalhead/wannabe gangster. I couldn't figure out who I wanted to fit in with. It was ridiculous. I laugh about it now. You will too.

>>733281661
That's not cringy. That's just stupid.

>>733281661

>asks to get together
>I literally don't get the memo that she liked me until 4 years after graduation where it hit me like a ton of bricks.
that is some severe autism faggot

>>733281210
Alpha as fuck

>be me
>scrolling through /b/ looking for something interesting
>see this post
>click reply
>worstshitpostever.jpeg

>>733281910
ah i see, youre post is the gringiest thing uv done XD

>>733280733
>get born

>be 13
>be living with grandparents
>be horny
>see dog and think "maybe that'll help"
>nan walks in on me naked with dog on my lap and hard cock
>nan walks out with dog

>>733282059
KEK

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>>733282059
>maybe that'll help

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>>733282059

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>>733282059
>mfw

I once bumped a bad thread

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>>733282059
>>733282625
Kek

>>733282059
You skkiped the most interesting part, what where you doing whith your dog, it was a female dog or a male dog¿¿¿¿

>>733282625
LOL this made my day hahaha

>>733281817
You think that's bad? I'm 30 and still a metal head, wanna be gangster. The Goodfellas kind, not the nigger kind.

>>733283109
nothing wrong with liking metal

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>be 15
>stalk the cute but extremely shy girl for like 2 months
>she always wears a blue jacket with white fuzz inside
>one day i see her jacket in the library, she is nowhere to be seen
>o shit this is my chance
>steal the jacket and bring it home
>jack off on it 10 times over the course of a week
>take it off and put it in the lost and found
>she sees me taking it off and putting her jacket in there
>she walks up to the table and takes it.. but then notices all the cum
>she looks at me with pure disgust and leaves the jacket there
>mfw

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>>733283679
holy fuck dude this is the best in the thread

>>733280733
You are 13, you are beggining your life, I am 30 and don´t even remember life at that age. My advice kid is this, do sports, does not matter if you suck at it, do it. And do it like 3 ours a day and git gud at it, do cardio. Enjoy your body and what you can do at that age. Stop with the art bullshit that shit is for fags. And if you feel unconfortable at your school, ask your parents if you could change schools and go to another. In the end, maybe you are not going to see any of those bastards who are bulling you in college. And don´t be afraid of getting in a figth, it does not metter if you loose. Figth any son of a bitch that tryes to bully you. Eventually you will become to much of a bother to be bullied.

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>>733283679
>>733283862
Samefag

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>>733281210
WE GOT A WINNER OVER HERE

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>>733284028

>>733283679
STERILIZATION!

>>733283679
kek I am crying !!!!! Now you are never going to fuck her. EVER! Or any of her friends. You should change school

>>733284324
>implying he would fuck anyone anyway

>>733284324
she had no friends, she was extremely shy.

>>733284193
I just assumed, since thats the most unfunny tryhard story I have ever read.

>fake and gay

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>be me
>be 15
>be high and drunk
>bored, playing on computer
>cat walks in
>its in heat rubbing on things are stuff
>it starts rolling around on my lap
>get hard for some reason
>decide im gonna use it as a fleshlight
>spend like an hour trying to fit my dick in the cat
>tfw when I cant even get pussy from a pussy

>>733284721
Not its not

>newfag

>>733284771
>not rubbing your dick head on it's cunt until it cums

>>733284610
Then instead of jizz on her coat, you should befriend her get close, you lost your chance of getting close to her. damn dude . You really belong here fag

>>733284440
You are right, my bad

i think i just realized this site is full of underage faggots that constantly samefag. am i the only oldfag on this site

>>733283679
Why were you wearing it after jerking off on it so much?

>>733284809
Yes it is.

And if you were older than 14 you would realize that too.

>>733283679
MY FUCKING SIDES OP JESUS CHRIST JUST WHY

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>>733285131
You do realize this is not reddit where people do rational things, right? Reddit immigration policies should be enforced to prevent you faggots from entering

>>733284771
If you are like these at that age, imagine yourself at 40, creepy as hell

>>733285077
He wanted to feel them wiggling.

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>>733285261
>>733285131
>>733284721
>>733284193
>>733284028
>retard fight

>>733283109
30 and still a wannabe? Nigger you're old enough to be whatever you want to be, consider this a signal

>>733285261
>autistic rambling

Yeah, I'm not surprised you enjoyed that story.

>>733285077
it was cold and i had to walk to school. i had no room for two jackets.

>be me
>be like 6
>sleepover at some kids house
>while were sleeping he sticks his dick in my mouth
>pressures me into sucking on it
>Tfw I can never unsuck that dick

>>733285427
Not old enough to be the president, faggot.

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>>733285392
>being this new

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>>733280733
>be 24 yo ugly beta
>sit in computer lab at college
>see cute 7/10 girl
>she looks in my direction and smiles
>think she smiles at me
>smile back
>notice she smiles at the good looking guy who is sitting behind me
>mfw

>>733284947
And to think he was walking around the school with her cum splattered coay on. Omg what an idiot.

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>>733282059

>>733284324
Fuck changing schools, he should change his fucking name. Shave his face and assume a new identity. Because honestly, if I was her, I'd have kneed him in the balls for ruining my favorite Jacket and got my parents to call the cops.

tl;dr: You fucked up kid, time to change your name.

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>>733285508
you got raped

>>733285427
There's no mafia like that anymore, probably hasn't been in my lifetime. So it was always just a pipe dream.

>>733285392
>Not realizing this is normal

Hows your first day going faggot?

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>>733285392
>newfag

>>733281817
Same, I decided a furry was a better route

>be me
>Grade 12 English
>End of school year so watching movies
>Hey anon put on a movie
>On Putlocker on Windows XP with no anti pop up protection
>Click movie link
>Pop up gif of some chick getting railed missionary projected so whole class can see
>Guys laugh and girls give me dirty looks

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>>733286836
You fucked up Anon... At least you're not >>733283679

>>733287258
I'm shy and introverted not a retarded creep.

>be me, at party
>drunk as heck
>talking to crush, just me and her
>i have to piss, go piss
>hastily tuck dick in waistband to avoid residual piss in pants
>come back to convo
>'jesus christ anon but your dick away'
>look down
>didn't put dick away properly
>the bunched up foreskin of my tiny dick is protruding from my waistband
>blow it off, drunk styles
>wish i done it deliberately

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>>733284771

>be me, live with a couple
>jacking off in lounge room at 3am
>roomates asleep. all cool
>super high also
>fall asleep jacking off
>wake up to female housemate saying 'oh my god' and running back to room
>left my dick out in lounge room

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>>733287348
>At School
>On projector
>On Putlocker with no Anti-pop up Protection

Nah, you're a retarded creep Anon, you knew full well what would happen.

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>be me
>14
>first day of biology class, going over safety protocol
>teacher asks me to act out some of the rules
>don't put chemicals near your eyes
>class full of hot bitches
>think about that sweet freshman pussy, wanna impress them early
>Decide to put on a show
>act out putting chemicals in eyes, start half screaming half laughing and clutching face
>no one laughs. Everyone's staring
>I need to step up my game
>drop to the floor and keep yelling while laughing at myself
>fake seizure
>more blank stares
>run to sink to escape, pour water in eyes
>move on with class and want to die for the rest of the year
I still think about it every day.

>>733286156
Yes there are. They've called the democrats.

>>733289288
Kill yourself, political fag.

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>>733283109
Absolutely nothing cringy about listening to metal.

Wanting to be a gangster, though. Ehh. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

>>733286714
Pic related.

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I killed pepe.

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>>733281210
>mfw i gave a blowjob to another boy in my class when i was 7

>>733289661
And why would I ever do that? herrrr deee herrr deeee daaaaa

>>733289957
Idk man. It's just the while thing, having the respect (fear) of everyone, that huge family that's loyal to the death, the every day is a party lifestyle, knocking off a mother fucker whenever you want and having you're boys help you hide the body, all the free shit, women throwing themselves at you, money, you know all the shit that gangster movies make seem so glorious. And I'm not stupid enough to believe movies are real, I just wish they were and that was my life.

>>733290297
this was exactly wat i did when i was 7 too wtf

>>733290180
Can Confirm, I was with him, and helped to kill Pepe.

>at homecoming sophomore year in HS
>slow dance comes on
>finds date
>mfw idk how to slow dance
>put hands on girls shoulders instead of hips
>look like a retard until date corrects me

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>>733290577

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>>733282059

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>>733290180
180 Degrees can confirm.

>>733289272
Ew

>>733283679

wut that's not even funny, just sad

>>733280733
>be 15
>trying to seduce a 5/10
>make her a joke over whatsapp
>she sees it like 6h after i send it

never talked to me again

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>>733290577
Dubs confirms, Are you my shadow?

>>733283938
This truly is a cringe thread

>>733283938
He isn't 13 anymore, man.

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>>733289272

>>733283679
All samefags that are replying to this thread

>>733292366
I have more

Roll around on the ground and cover my ears " AHHHHH lalalala" when my girlfriends friend came to tell me "it's over". This was 6'th grade. I cringe every time.

>>733285756
I know that feel.

>be 13, mad crushing on 8/10 girl in class
>we also have a fat retard called matt in our class
>he's always creeping on her
>one day get fed up
>while he's practically drooling on her shoulder i ask grill if she wants to work on an assignment after school
>fat retard matt tells me to back off while giving me a shove
>i shove him back and tell him to fuck off
>he falls on his ass, and ends up getting his hand caught under his planet sized ass
>everyone nearby hears an audible snap
>fat retard matt gets his hand out of his ass
>everyone else but him notices what's wrong
>finger is literally bent the wrong way, the bone is protruding and blood is literally spurting out of the wound
>thecalmbeforethestorm.jpg
>fat retard matts eyes widen as he notices his fucked up finger
>literal raptor screeches emerge as he decides to run in a frenzy all around the class room
>crush gets blood in her eyes, teacher got knocked down by fat retard matt and broke her coccyx (60 year old small woman)
>later get blamed for the whole ordeal

>>733292919
bring it

>>733286836
> girls give me dirty looks

The good way or the bad way

>>733293165
the bad way

>>733289272
God anon,did you get put in the specilED class the next day????????¿¿¿¡¿¡

>be me
>16
>girls comes over, we have a good time
>she leaves
>i'm home alone
>i put the chair the sat on back into the living room
>notice it still smells like her
>smell the spot where her pussy was resting on all day
>smells nice
>i get hard
>fuck it, jerk off
>violently beat it while sniffing the chair
kneeling on floor
>parents come home, i don't notice because fapping
>climax
>don't have tissue prepared so i jizz on the floor
>mother enters living room and sees me sniffing a chair, dick in hand, semen on the floor
>it's the chair she usually sits on

>>733291265
Yes, yes I am. Let us kill once more master, we need more souls to truly become powerful!

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>>733293067
Oh man, you're such a tough alpha male, anon, fuck me right now.

>>733293165
>>733293220
Eke

>>733293340
Eke so hard on this

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>>733293340

>>733280733

I'm sad you had facebook when you were 13

>>733293082
This is a smaller story but first thing that came to mind from that year
>be me
>later in year
>going to computer lab during Spanish class
>fucking annoying chink in class that worked out all the time with no results
>hated me almost as much as I hated him
>go to sit in my favorite chair in front of computer
>Ching Chong walks up and tells me he was planning on taking a seat there and I need to move
>try to hit him with strong comeback, mind completely blanks out
>choked autistic frog noise comes out and my eyebrows spasm
>look back to computer and ignore him
>keeps talking, asks why I think I can just take peoples seats
>I got this
>feel life destroying comeback rising up
>I can feel it on my tongue
>raise eyebrow to show dominance and and decide I want to use the other one
>switch eyebrows like 4 times
>stutter out g-guess I'm just that awesome
>awkwardly laugh and raise eyebrow even more
>whole class heard
>chink says "what?"
>no one understood
>give another *heh* and stare at computer avoiding eye contact with everyone the rest of the class

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>>733293340

>>733294083
My God you're retarded.

>>733294083
too real

>>733294083
What the fuck

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>>733293340
oosh

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>>733294083
That bothers you to this day?

Apparently making my mother need a shit while I was in her stomachhttps://planetradio.co.uk/hallam/entertainment/humour/pregnant-listener-tells-us-time-really-needed-loo-supermarket/

>>733294684
No like I said that was a smaller display of autism than the biology class. Just providing more like the people want

>be me at club with friends
>trying cheesy pick up line on cute grill
>music is too loud in club for her to hear what i'm saying
>she brings me outside and asks what i was saying
>say the pick up line
>she just goes "oh.." and starts walking inside again

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>>733293340
Duuude....

>>733294440
I know. I questioned my existence and completely reformed who I was after that

>>733294797
That hurts

>>733294903
let's just say i went in to the bar and ordered 3 jaegerbombs after that

>>733294983
I'd have kms

>>733294983
I'd be more embarrassed by ordering jaegerbombs.

>>733295394
if you lived where i live you'd probably order the same thing. shit is mad expensive. i'm talking $10 for a beer

>>733295514
Where the shit do you have to pay that much for a fucking beer

what the fuck man. what is this? the comment section in this thread is the most cringy shit i've seen in a while man.
fucking newfags ruining this shit

>>733295729
Shut up normie

>>733295627
Norway. I don't really like jaeger all that much, but there's often offers on it. It's $10 for a normal shot as well.

>>733284771
man please kill yourself you're gonna do everybody a favor

>>733295837
Holy shit. I don't go to bars but as I've heard, a shot here costs 2€ tops

>>733295514
If I lived where you live I'd just drink at home. But in reality, don't all of you make a shitload of money to make up for the prices?

>>733285928
ikr he should have stuffed it up inside his ass.

now, that's something believable.

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>>733295729
>comment section
>newfags
Just stop.

>>733296059
That's why basically everyone has pre-parties, where you just drink as much as you can before going out. And our salaries still doesn't make up for how expensive alcohol and tobacco is here. $10 for a shot or a beer is still very expensive.

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>>733293340

>>733289272
omfg, now THAT IS FUCKING CRINGE AHAHAH

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>>733295729

I remember back in middle school when I wanted to do this type of "cool" shit. Never did it because I was too much of a Pussy and regretted it. I now look back on it and thank God I didn't go through with it. I may have been autistic, but at least no one knew about it.

>>733280733
Post said comic anon, let's laugh at it together

>>733294083
fucking lol
How did you explain that?

>>733296860
Examples of "cool" shit?

>>733283938
>Stop with the art bullshit that shit is for fags

30 and still an autistic edgelord

>>733282059
Did nan at least finish you off?

>>733289272
>>733294083
If the people want more I'll give them more
There's many other events that I'm not thinking of or I've mentally repressed and tried to forget

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>>733297526
give me more keks

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>be 12
>sit next to crush
>hover hand around her, feeling horny and shit
>guess she knew, but dick used all blood so brain ded
>a friend saw, smirk at him like 'you jelly'
>she suddenly turn around and stand up, her belly touched my arm
>withdraw arm then cover face, mumbling 'oh shit sorry', blushed like a girl
>later she changed class, to never have to sit near me again

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>>733282059

>>733281661
>>I literally don't get the memo that she liked me until 4 years after graduation where it hit me like a ton of bricks.
same thing happened to me anon, but in High school, it hurts to this day.

It sickens me that people associate fidget spinners with autism. I'll have you know that mastering the fidget spinner is no easy feat. You have no idea how much time, effort, and money I put into this passion of mine. I had to sell to three of my hghest quality vape pens and work additional hours at Best Buy in order to be able to afford the limited addition Triple Dragon Deluxe™ fidget spinner. You have no idea how long I trained to master the fidget spinner. Tell me, do you train for 8 hours a day, every day to perfect something you are "passionate" about? Didn't think so. And I'm not even done perfecting my form yet. You see, the fidget spinner is much more than a toy: it is the most unique and inspirational form of art of the 21st century only respected by the most intelligent people. I highly doubt that even the greatest "athletes" put as much time into perfecting their sport as we do into mastering the fidget spinner. Tell me, what "sport" requires as much concentration, effort, flexibility, and intellect than the art of performing the perfect spin? I'll answer that for you: none of them. I swear, if I ever hear someone associate fidget spinners with "autism" again, I will be more than willing to put then in the ground. I wouldn't fucking care if I was put in jail. I am willing to sacrifice my own well-being to defend not just my passion, but my life.

>>733297766
>same year as first two stories
>walking through the hall to Spanish class
>flock of chads and nignogs yelling
>keep walking, don't want to be associated with this cancer
>all of a sudden hear a smack next to me
>some wigger Manlet from the football team dunked on me(if you don't know what dunking is it's this shit nogs used to do where you jump up and slam your hand on the wall above someone like a basketball)
>look over, make eye contact with wigger
>not even mad just have nothing to say
>raise eyebrow
>say o-oh shit *heh* barely loud enough for him to hear
>he doesn't say anything, try to maintain dominance by keeping eye contact with eyebrow raised
>face starts spasming because of cringe at my own actions
>turn halfway like I'm gonna leave but don't
>stand half turned for a full minute with wig and a few nogs staring at me
>crack neck and try to walk away without being noticed

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>>733298301
This is great.

>>733298332
Not really cringe but I also used to airdrop softcore porn and bleach memes to people in my class(mainly females) and watch them say what the fuck and show their friends. Sometimes I took pics of them and sent it to them, no one every found or except the people I told

>>733280733
I went through a phase were I was a militant SJW. Since I turned 17 I stopped giving a shit about political stuff and abandoned all that far left bullshit.

>be me, college freshman
>spring semester
>in marching band rehearsal (might as well just end it there)
>walking from the practice field to my English class
>feel something in my hair
>pinch it between my thumb and ring finger
>ouch.jpeg
>don't know what it was but it fuckin hurt
>keep walking, gotta get to class
>sit down in English, my usual desk is in the front row since I'm blind as shit
>sweaty and tired as fuck
>halfway through class I'm starting to doze off
>see my backpack on the floor next to me
>huge fucking wasp
>thats what I pinched
>finger is starting to swell
>I'm mildy allergic but I'm not an epipen fag
>wasp begins to soar around the ~30 student classroom
>sorority girl screeches
>professor stops the lecture and tries to remain calm but I could feel the fear of every person in the room
>some students are getting out of their desks and huddling towards the door
>engage_autism.exe
>wasp flies by my desk, smack it out of the sky onto the floor with my red, swollen hand
>screech in terror as I stomp it into the carpet
>it's dead
>the room is absolutely silent for what feels like an eternity
>literally everyone is staring at me
>"I...I DONT LIKE BEES HAHA"
>everyone sits down and class continues
>I can feel everyone watching me for the remainder of the semester

Sometimes I have dreams where it happens over and over. I wish I was never born

>>733299352
>People are so scared of a wasp that they attempt to flee classroom
>You take action and resolve the situation
>Class is able to resume
>Thinking this is cringe

Yeah you screaming like a sperg didn't help but you took care of business.

>>733298595
That is definitely cringe

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>At some nightclub thing with friends
>Friend is concerned I haven't danced with anyone
>Also concerned I'm way to drunk to drive him home
>Tries to set me up with people
>Constantly sperging out
>I start to drink heavier because I know I look retarded
>Can't drink away the aspergers
>Stumble away from friend because I know he's gonna ride back with chick to her house
>Wander downtown for 4 hours drunk until I'm sober enough to drive home
And that's why I don't go to clubs anymore, I just can't handle my own autism

>>733299557
The screaming is what makes me hate it, everyone else was mostly just using it as an excuse to leave class or they were fucking around but I screamed like I was about to die, I forgot to write that I tear up and blush really hard when I'm embarrassed so it also looked like I was crying from fear but it was just from shame.

>be me, 18
>at club alone
>manage to get a couple strangers (guys) to buy me booze
>walk around club half drunk after dancing with one girl

>>733299901
After everyone disabled their airdrops I downloaded one of those high frequency sound apps and played buzzing noises whenever we took a test or did anything important. It was loud enough to give everyone a migraine and piss them off but no one could tell where it was coming from

>Be me
>Be 20
>browse 4chan

>>733301712
That's the most embarrassing one yet

>>733301712
same

>>733301294
You piece of shit, you made me failed my tests

>>733302449
Please off yourself you pathetic peace of human flesh.

>>733301712
>be 25
>browse 4chan

>>733301294
Migraines are a medical condition, not something a whole group of people can get from a noise.

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>>733282059

>>733284771
Kekd audibly

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>>733285483
wat you guys doin in dis treahsd lul

>>733289272
Dude lol

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>>733293340

>>733298301
Low effort copypasta

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>high school chem
>qt wearing latex/pvc pants
>try to take a creep shot of her crotch by pretending I'm stretching
>flash goes off

>>733280733
Make 300 more then publish them, see who's laughing then.

>>733290180
It was acceptable in the 80's can confirm

>be me
>don't want to be me
>been stuck like this all my life

>>733287543
I did that once, only my mother saw it, it was kind of hard to see though, luckily I was young so she probably doesn't realize that I am just as small as I was when I was 13.

>>733304268
Become a tranny.

>>733304268
Anon. Everyones life is made up of events that they either did or did not want to be part of.

>13 years old horny as fuck
>give sisters (28, 13) sexual looks and hints
>always creepin on them
>they never mentioned it but now they all think ima sex freak or some shit
>embarrassing to this day

>23ish
>Be housebound introverted retard living with my mum.
>my brother 26ish is dating a 40 year old
>he invites me to his house a few times
>I meet his gf's 18 year old daughter.
>she says something about a bad back (she is definitely flirting)
>she goes to sleep and I leave but first I write a note.
>if you ever need a massage just let me know and I'll come.

She tells her mum, her mum tells my brother.
My retard brother asks me why the fuck did I do something so retarded.

>>733305594
Also
Because I never go out the only girls I see are those that walk past my house when I'm spying.
>see next door neighbour. Quite hot with nice rack nice car too. Fanta size about going on car trips with her and picnics and shit.
>deeply obsessed with U.K. Comedy the peep show. They have an episode where they both do something outrageously stupid but convince each other "there's no way this is not a good idea"
>I decide to a letter "I've seen you around and I really like you. I'm not creepy or anything. Would you like to hang out some time? I also draw a picture of her.
>As I'm posting it in her mailbox I doubt myself by then I think "this is a good idea. There is no way This is not a good idea."
>it wasn't a good idea at all

>>733286714
You have poor decision making skills.

I was trying to think of the cringiest thing I've done in my life but I guess I've repressed them because I'm drawing a blank.

Here's something at least:

>be in college
>sign up for French class for the foreign language credit
>turns out I signed up for 2nd year French by accident
>think I can just sit there for the class instead of just leaving and drawing attention
>professor hands out paper full of basic 1st year French sentences
>prof looks around and picks me to read them.
>go full autist and freeze up turning more red with every word I can't pronounce or understand
>class just stares
>prof stares with blank expression
>everyone thinks I'm an idiot
>continue to sit there for remainder of class

Yeah that sucked, but french is a stupid language anyway. Ended up getting my foreign language credit through a sign language class with an actual deaf professor that talked like most deaf people do. It was hard not to laugh sometimes because deaf people and retards sound a lot alike.

>>733299352
That is pretty cool

>>733305594
>>733306332
My God

>>733306332
Fake and gay

>>733306806
The weird thing is now 10 years later I have a lot going for me. My wife's friends are millionaires.
They know I love wine and are always giving me bottles that cost over $100

>>733307437
>I have a lot going for me
>my wife's friends are millionaires

>>733285508
I call bullshit. That's a South Park episode

>>733304550
This is what's wrong with society...

>>733307002
Dude, why the fuck would anyone make up a story like that?
The most recent big one
>be 3 years ago
>I'm painting the garden furniture with wife, wife's sister and her husband.
>wife and sisters husband leave go to work
>she's wearing a skirt and I keep on seeing her knickers (I position myself so that everytime there's a chance, I'll see)
>she says she has bad back
>I start rubbing her bad back
>I get a boner but I don't hide it
>she sees It curiously I can tell she wants to see it but she won't cheat on her husband.
>she bends over right infront of me. I tried to poke her with my boner.
>I miss
>I don't do anything
>she goes to other side of the room and says "my husband is coming back soon"
I wonder nearly every day if she meant for me to poke her with my boner

>>733307718
Yup....because of my wife

>be me
>around 4th grade
>in the changing room, everyone in their briefs
>this one American guy bends his big old ass over
>loose control
>grab a huge rubber crocodile lying around (massive fucker)
>fiercely stick the poor old crocodile in the guy's butt
>literally only the tail remained outside
>the guy yells out loud as if it was hot iron
>everyone staring at us
>teacher rushes into the room
>sees two kiddos, one bent over, the other pushing a rubber crocodile into the first one's butt
>oh the good old days

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>>733308618
If you're going to be this much of a fag about spelling errors, learn the difference between lose and loose.

>>733294052
good catch

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>>733293340

>>733306332
Dude. Why would you draw a picture of her? That is what makes that creepy you fucking retard. If it was just the note you're being a normal human being. But you have to take it to the worst possible level.

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>be young and living with parents
>furiously jack off to some weird porn in my bedroom at night
>fall asleep with said porn still on screen
>wake up next morning and notice computer is off while it has no standby
>parents must've turned it off
>mfw

>>733305160

>they all know ima sex freak or some shit

fixed that for you

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>>733293340

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>>733293340
calm down nigga

>>733284771
I fucking thought that was doctor phil lmao

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We all know that thing.... Its okay.... LOL NO YOU FUCKIN' NORMIE USING 2009 MEMES.

>>733309505
If I had the capability to make good decisions I wouldn't be on 4chan

>>733310297
Touché.

>be 12 or 11 (can't remember)
>first week of big school
>I love football (soccer) and want to hurry and eat my lunch so I can get picked for the game at lunchtime
>fuck it I'm late the lunch queue is long
>go to field first. Play a bit. Leave quickly to get lunch
>run into cafeteria
>no queue
>get a hotdog ram it in my mouth and pay.
>fuck, it's not going down
I remain calm but my face is going red. Go back and pay for a juice to wash it down.
>try my best to swallow
>holy fuck I'm going to die
>I try to run out to the toilet but it's too late for some reason I decide to wretch it out where I was
>an intact hotdog covered in orange juice lands with a thud on the cool kids table
>I pick it up and eat it properly

>>733289272
LOL
if u put this on ylyl i would have lost.

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>>733282059
you fucking what

>>733282167
KEK

>>733281661
>>733282059
>>733305594
>>733301712
Please tell me this isn't real anon

>>733307948
Is it really that unbelievable anon? I'm 25 and that's the only sexual contact I've ever had

>8th grade
>have to do a music project on our fav band
>includes making a poster then playing one of their songs on youtube in front of class
>i pick asking alexandria
>only "emo" in class
>screamo music blasting in class i just sit there awkwardly while everyone whispering and looking at me weird

>>733313381
Oh god i had a similar experience

>>733313595
Pls tell :(

>>733281210
Nigga thats called being alpha, be proud

>>733313745
Was not as bad as this but playing your own music infront of a class is social suicide unless its in the charts

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>>733301712
lol mfw im 27

>>733313940
Not if you don't suck. My guitar had bitches throwing themselves at me all through high school. Everytime I wanted a girlfriend I had one. Granted, I'm a 7+/10 and funny, but still. Git gud before you perform for an audience, faggot.

>>733285024
This thread seems young.

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>>733282059

>>733314400
Think you misinterpreted what i meant. I meant playing a song by an artist you like. Like in the story

>>733301712
Literally me

>>733290417
Goodfellas ended with Henry ratting out his entire crew.
I get what you're saying, but you're ignoring the end of that movie.

>>733314866
Ah. Fair enough, but Broken by Seether had bitches drooling over me and shit is a 3/10 difficulty max. It's just knowing WHAT songs to play. And, obviously, doing them pretty well.

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>>733293067
This is why I think if your child is born retarded. Just put it out of its misery; before it knows what misery is.

Other than it being a waste of money/food/space.

>>733314400
Yeah retard. Learn how to read

im still doing it, i never kissed a girl like a mean it

>>733314993
Only instrument i could semi play was the Chello. Thats hella fucking Autistic

>>733315039
STFU, emo Steve, before I put you back in a locker.

>>733315210
If you play a fucking harmonica well, it will get bitches. It's about confidence, skill and artistic creativity, my friend. The instrument is just the tool for expression.

>>733314953
That's what happens sometimes. They let him get hooked on drugs too, which they should have helped him with. They kinda deserved it.

>>733299931
At least you have a good friend

>>733281661
Are you still pathetic and alone? Or did you at least find someone else?

>>733315005
not how you use a semicolon

>>733294684
that little fact was the cringe for me

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>>733315395
Theres alot of other ways to get bitches i have found

>>733315924
True. Musical talent is one of the easiest and most efficient, though. I play music because I love music, but bitches we're a nice perk. Hobbies make winners.

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>>733293340

>>733316141
Another autistic attribute. I can rarely tell when a girls interested until its too late

>>733316509
That blows, man. I'd work on that with some female friends or something.

>>733316597
Yeah until recent years i was left pussyless but now. Friends tell me almost right away if i don't notice or they come on so hard id be blind to not notice

>be 10 or some shit
>with a friend
>large play house like chucke cheese has
>one small room with small child sized punching bags
>friend and i hang on 1 each
>start making out with child sized punching bags
>couple kids crawl by
>"ITS OCCUPIED, MOVE ALONG"
>continue making out with punching bags

to this day we have no fucking clue why. and we cringe.

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>>733315720
It was an accident. Please forgive me

>>733316919
no, it was not. you intentionally used a semicolon. it would be best to just pop the key off your keyboard.

>>733293902
steins;gate

>>733317136
No one asked. No points for you!

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>>733317083
Listen, grammar nigger.

I have a super compact mechanical keyboard for the vidya.

the comma is right under the semicolon.

Mein grammar führer

>>733280733
I usually dont say anything when im with people dumber than me cause they wouldn't get it
how autistic is that

>>733317595
Kek.

>>733317595
post a pic

>>733317734
samefag

>>733317673
It's not. Its haughtiness, faggot.
>>733317775
Try again, anon.

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>>733317971
Oops. Forgot pic.

>>733283938
You are 13, you are beggining your life, I am 30 and don´t even remember life at that age. My advice kid is this, do sports, does not matter if you suck at it, do it. And do it like 3 ours a day and git gud at it, do cardio. Enjoy your body and what you can do at that age. Stop with the art bullshit that shit is for fags. And if you feel unconfortable at your school, ask your parents if you could change schools and go to another. In the end, maybe you are not going to see any of those bastards who are bulling you in college. And don´t be afraid of getting in a figth, it does not metter if you loose. Figth any son of a bitch that tryes to bully you. Eventually you will become to much of a bother to be bullied.

>>733290297
lol faggot

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>>733317775

>>733317971
you could call it that way, but I cant stop doing it and thanks to that i barely have friends,

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>>733317775
>>733318419
And here it is.
Obviously I didn't take the picture.

Poor nigger, phone with no camera life.

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>>733285508
>pressures

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>>733318540
and so your grammar nigger butthole doesn't get a hemorrhoid

>>733318535
Try talking. For all you fucking know, they're doing the same to you.

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>>733318419
(You)

>>733318540
just a quick pic of your actual keyboard. you don't want to be embarrassed on 4chan, do you?

>>733318419
I did that Kek. What the fuck are you doing? Also, you tagged me in the take a picture thing? Git gud at faking samefaggery, faggot.

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>>733295729
>the comment section

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>>733319384
You're obviously incapable of reading.

I don't own a camera.

>>733319480
"Take a picture thing"
Fuck off, Mac fag.

And who the fuck samefags?
This is why I hate /b/
It's the God damn autism Auschwitz

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>>733319883
you're lying. show us your keyboard. everybody wants to see your keyboard.

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>>733319883
I'm on a fucking phone. Android, even. Again. Wtf are you even talking about?

>Be me
>During highschool ag class
>In the shop area
>Inbreed rednecks everywhere
>Im working on some parts with a file
>Large inbreed is stalking around acting stupid
>He starts calling me fat
>I am fat, so I ignore him
>He gets angry and picks up an empty oxygen tank and lifts it over his head
>I just stare at him wondering if he is going to rush at me or throw it
>He puts it down
>Calls me stupid for not thinking he would have done something
>Go back to working on my parts.

Was thinking about it earlier so I'll share.

>was maybe 17 still at the parents house
>crushing hard throughout high school with a girl
>we're both social retards so it took awhile to get the feelings out there
>one day we decide to hang out, her mom dropped her off
>my parents assumed her mom would pick her up later, nope
>it's already late and say fuck it, she can stay the night but she sleeps in the spare bedroom
>we all know that's not happening

Here comes the spaghetti.

>finally parents are asleep, sneak the girl to my room
>we cuddle and just lay there for awhile
>the fuck am I doing
>it's like 1am and she is groggy
>still got her naked and fingered her for awhile
>this is it, been waiting ages to bang this pasty white clutz
>dick inches away from her I realize I would be her first
>never done a virgin but I heard the stories
>ask her if she still wants to go through with it

Game over. Dream girl on a silver platter and I blew it by being the nice guy.

Sorry, Brittany.

>>733303690
Had this happen before, but the lights were out. Feels bad man.

>go home drunk with a girl to sleep
>she wanted to have sex
>too drunk to have a boner
>feel like a little boy the next day
>4 months later tried to get laid with her friend
>went too fast with her
>stoprushshort.jpg
>understood the 1st one told her everything
>i'm definitely a little boy in their eyes now

>>733280733

Wow, dude. Bullying sounds pretty justified in your case.

>>733281210

bro is this cringy thread or alpha thread

oh no the furries are invading >>733320156

>be me
> be 10
>be in class
>get angry cuz of some dumb shit
>flip all tables and chairs
>next day everyone avoids me