Can we get a feels thread? I'm looking for a specific one

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>>732889123
I dont have that one, sorry anon bumping with Adonis.

>>732890247
Thats cool anon. Hopefully someone comes along that does

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Bump

Today's just one of those nights where you get drunk alone and listen to music for me
No reason apart from the usual depressive episode and having a potentially important day for my future come up
And the usual bullshit with your best friends gf

>>732889123
more like cringe

>>732889123
Jesus the cringe. That is some Elliot Rogers shit right there

>>732891461
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48nakpWpYTI

good sad music and shit like daaamn

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>>732891996
Thanks for that man. Einstürzende Neubauten is amazing.
Althougj on these kinds of nights I always need music that speaks to me, expresses the emotions I can't express and making me think about what the fuck I wanna do in my future.
Right now listening to Days N' Daze's Rogue Taxidermy album, fucking love em

>>732893000
Fuck I forgot that that greentext was still selected
and I feel like I'm sounding way too edgy again
But anyway, check em

Bbbbnnn

I just got put on administrative leave today. Probably be fired in a day or two. Can I get a sympathy bump?

>>732893444
Sure

>>732893000
Ye, its either them or Boards of Canada & Cocteau Twins that puts me in a feel.

This is also a fucking sad song too like GODDAMN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCeNCvwEFU8

>>732893597
Thanks. More than I got from anyone else today.

>>732893444
What got you into administrative leave?

>>732894137
I grabbed my boss's bottom thinking he was gay, turned out I misread the situation.

>>732894137
This shithead I work with (a peer not a boss) was trying to order me around for the 1000th time. I told him to fuck off in those words. Someone reported it.

>>732894889
Somebody else reported that you've told somebody to fuck off?

>>732895476
He had a customer on the phone.

>>732889123
Goddamnit... This made me cry so hard I'm going through so much right now

>>732893695
That really makes me feel like I'm sitting in a 60s bar in a noir film

>>732896308
It makes me sad. I remember driving my grandmother to some dinner for her church and I put on older music like this I had on my ipod and she was like OH THIS IS DOOWOP MUSIC I USED TO KNOW THESE GUYS or something like that and she started singing some of the lyrics and I tried to fight back the tears

>I'll never be in a relationship as long as my grandparents were

stupid i know but ddamn

Okay guys here's some drunken teenage bullshit for yall.
I think like I'm.falling for the GF of one of my best friends?
I just feel as if I'm fitting much better to her than friend but idk.
It's probably just that she's one of the few girls to share my interests, e.g. in anime
And she's just as mentally fucked as me, drug abuse, bipolar etc.
And she was one of the first girls to actually give some attention to me lol
I just feel like I'm missing out on this opportunity rigt now
But then again I'm constantly missing out on.every opportunity of everything

Bump for those feels we're afraid to expose even when we are anonymous

Bump for all those that got more drunk than they meant to get, just like me

Gf was ran over this monday. Hit and run.
Some neigboor poisoned my cat earlier this month.
Dad died of cancer last month.
I got suspended from university after getting drunk.
Diagnosticated dementia.
Mom left the house and no sight of.her for almost a year.
Saw little bro sucking his best friend dick today.

Yeah. Your life sure is bad

todays one of those days where i'm just uncomfortable existing. I dont want to suicide, but I want to get away from myself but no matter where I go there I am. Some tendies oughta help

>>732898855
Fuck man. But at least you got dubdubs.

>>732899041
Thanks.

Still cant sleep. Her skull was all over the road. And aparently the tire dragged all her stomach too. At the end of the day only her legs were there, dismembered and covered in some blood. Probably a heavy car or a truck.

>>732889123
>inb4 you're just in HS

it honestly doesn't make a difference

>be me 18 HS (this is current btw)
>awhile ago in December on omegle
>stumble across 8/10
>add her on snap
>talk for awhile
>we click and it's going great
>you know the person you just be your true self with and know they won't think different?
>that was her
>suddenly stop talking less and lose our streak
>feels fucking bad
>hurt for awhile after that and feel empty inside
>earlier in march same girl hits me up again
>know in the back of my head I shouldn't do it
>fucking do it anyway
>try to keep distant to avoid what happened before
>nope dumbfuck me falls to deep
>going great and better than before actually
>up until recently
>talking less and less
>kinda becoming a little distant
>feels are coming back
>today
>ask her if she's alright
>cause she left me on read twice today (usually she never does that it seemed odd)
>says she fine
>tells me she's been busy all day
>bullshit.jpg
>posting on insta and fb all day long
>don't tell her that cause I'm not that fucking dumb
>tells me she's on her way home
>about 1/2hr later or more
>ask her if she's home yet cause she hasn't anything (again is unusual)
>nope apparently plans changed and she'll be there for another 1-2hrs
>apparently doing a fundraiser for a teacher
>calling bullshit on this right now (she's an hour ahead so she'll supposedly be there until 8-9pm)
>still active as hell on facebook so 'im busy' my ass
>overthinkingactivated
>start thinking maybe she's found someone better but what the hell do I know?
>still nothing yet she's kinda clingy
>her not responding much or anything is the first time ever

what do you think /b/? My current plan is just to not do anything and she if she starts talking or some shit and if not oh well looks like I gotta find someone else. Feeling fucking sad over the thought of losing her and I don't want to but whatever happens, happens and if she does leave, no way in hell I'm talking to her again

>>732899938
this may be important to

she tell me about her ex and how bad the break up affected her which in my mind is kinda coincidental with that she started talking to me and some anon said I may be a 'rebound' which could very well be true and I'm just here to get her by until she finds someone better (keep in mind we live in different states)

hey /b/ros.. hope ur holding up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofKNwTvg2OQ one of my favourites.. dont have any pics to contribute, wiped my drive. too many things that reminded me of her:|

>>732899938
>>732900198
>inb4 just forget her and ditch her

I don't wanna lose her hopefully some anons can relate. she is the only girl I talk to and the only one I've ever talked to if I lose her I'm just feel like fucking shit and be empty inside and you can tell my to try online dating or some shit but she's irreplaceable to me

u do wanna lose her.. if she aint right she aint the one.. nobody who cares will put u through shit if they can help it.. people suck, why bother with them.. i miss her so much even though she fucked with me so many times.. miss the good times, layin in bed with her listening to music, window open nice breeze comin through, feeling pure happiness bcus i thought she was the one.. now i just look at every girl like its her.. cant trust anyone

>>732900435
a very similar thing just happened to me man. We had been together for about two months and we were 80s movie level stupidly in love and then she just stopped responding. She told me that she was going through some stuff and that I just needed to let her work through it and then she would be okay. Three weeks later I was tired of being left on read so I called her out. She told me she couldn't keep doing this since she's going to university twenty minutes away. I've never been this depressed in my life. Even simple stuff throughout the day is difficult to find the energy for. Like fucking blows. We talked about where we would live and kids all kinds of hopeful but ultimately silly shit and she fucking broke me. I know how you feel.

>>732899938
Grown up.
You are not 15 anymore.

Online relationship? Lmao

Anyone have that comic where the guy is thinking of all these depressing things, then a girl touches him, and then all he's thinking about is her?

I'm so lonely. I'm back in my home town after getting screwed out of a job in a different province, now I'm looking at at least a year here with no friends, no girl, and I'm almost positive I won't meet anyone new. I come home to an empty house every day, get drink by myself on the weekends and contemplate suicide.

>>732901106
it doesn't help I tend over think and over analyze everything and will end up fucking up at one point. One side of me says move on before you get attached again and its even worse (I'm distancing myself in case the worst happens) but the other side says don't let her go you're probably overthinking, remember the good times? and if I lose her I'll feel empty inside since no one will be there fill the void and I fear it will fuck up me and my grades. I've told myself many times don't fall for someone/get attached and I fucking did it anyway but venting it here does help a little

>>732901554
I was in the same place you were and it turns out I wasn't overthinking and I wished I had started to face the facts when I was in your position. Start distancing yourself in case and if she comes back with any effort then great, she still cares, but if not, you're not fully emotionally attached like I was.

>>732889123
You need to get the fuck out your bedroom OP.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb6D7TaULb0

I self-destruct to know that it is me and not them.

>>732893000
I fucking love Days N' Daze

>>732902035
thats my plan good thing schools still going and I work weekends but it still hurts like hell but one thing did throw me off she went on omegle and got guys snapchats so that prompted me to think am I not offering something she wants but another guy will? I've never got dirty with her or suggested it (bad past experience with it but thats a whole other story)

ill sum it up

>got attached to a girl
>she kept sending bra pics
>whatever
>tried to resist getting dirty
>fuck it
>long story short she just cut off the relationship and never spoke again
>fucking hurt like hell (kinda like the situation I'm now)

https://youtu.be/JErjia3wJEo

>>732899938
Man, that's a tough one... Due to the intricacies of your situation it limits your options for a successful resolution from the outset. However, one technique I've witnessed with friends in similar situations, which seems effective is to grow a cock and pair of testicles and let the situation play out naturally from there.

Best of luck, you ridiculous faggot.

>>732902631
That hits. Fuck my life.

>>732902035
>>732902463(me)

and when I asked her about the school shit and how she was busy she just said 'sorry' not sure what it's supposed to mean...

How do you deal with crying? I shut my eyes as tightly as I can and it stops after a few seconds.

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Here's a metafore for my daily routine /b/ros...

>>732898319
This hits hard

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>>732889123
And here's how I'm feeling on the inside as I repeat my shitty routine.

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>>732903731
Meant to link it to this one.
>>732903884
And here's how I hid it so no one knows how miserable I am...

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>>732904017
The reason? Pic related.

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>>732904103
But I think people are starting to notice, because it's getting really hard to keep my happy mask on.

Pic very related.

>>732904103
christ...

>>732904211
The truth is nobody cares. You may think they notice, they just might but ultimately they don't really care if you're near suicidal. They'll only give a shit when you finally off yourself, but just so they can say how much of a good friend they were to you and how they never thought you'd actually go through with it.

>>732904211
I pray every night that I die, and every morning I wake up crying because I'm still alive.

I don't want to kill myself and hurt the few people that care. That's why I wish I'd die someway that isn't my fault. Then they can't hate me for it.

>>732904628
this

anyone get those feels where don't give a fuck if you died? but you won't commit suicide but at the same time if you died you'd just think 'oh well'...that's me at this point if I die oh fucking well but I won't commit suicide..

>>732904628
couldn't have said it better myself I just hope someday a drunk ass semi driver hits me head on and I'm finally dead and all my worries, fears, feels...everything is gone

>>732904788
Yes, and it is the most sublime of feelings. It allows you to accept any destiny almost in an instant. Thus allowing you to conquer fear. When you don't care even if you died, your most primal sense is dulled. Unless it's something edgy and shallow emotionlessness, as then it will pass and you will feel the feels again, making you a more human being again.

When you discern this fearlessness from your actual emotions, you ascend. Work hard for it, it's worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU

>>732905068
with this feeling I want to die, then you find out the answer to what happens when you die and my feels died along with the girl I feel for and that's on the verge of ending but I've always had this feeling of 'I don't care if I die' and you're right, I have no fear...

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>>732890247
Well, someone posted my story. If anyone has any questions, id be happy to answer them

-Adonis

Cold Love - RKS
From Eden - Hozier
Sedated - " "
To Be Alone - " "
Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1asBOCAmgaw

>>732904103
That's it! Thanks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkoML0_FiV4

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>>732899938
I haven't talked to my friend for 169 days I wonder how she's doing sometimes

I hate myself. It feels like as soon as I get even remotely close to happiness, it's just ripped away, allowing me to sit and cry once again. I feel as if I was created only to suffer, some sadistic god taking pleasure in every time I sit down in a feels thread just like this. Maybe I'm trying too hard, but I'm getting tired of doing this. I just want peace, nothing more. I guess we're all just designed to suffer.
Born.
Toil.
Die.
That's what it feels like now.

Bumping to keep the feels alive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrBlmpqh8T0

This shit it also fucking sad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dlI8QAkGP0

I met this girl. I always made her laugh and made her smile. Meeting her was the best thing that ever happened to me. we've always talked to each other almost every day. I suffer from serve depression and i did some shit and had thoughts of killing myself. I never talked to anybody about this, not even my best friends who i grew up with. But recently (like last week) I told her i tried to kill myself and i scared her off now im alone. I just want to die already. Ill post our texts if anyone wants to know the details.

can we get some webms in here?

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My depression has gotten so bad that my mom is urging me to see a therapist. I don't want to

>>732910450
I'm seeing one and of course she's a fucking foreigner that can't understand me half the time.

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bump

>>732910531
The problem I have with therapists is that you're paying them like $200 an hour to pretend to be your friend and care about your problems. You can find cheaper prostitutes to do the same.

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If this doesn't fuck you up, I don't know what will

>>732910768
I'd go to /b/ over a therapist any day sure /b/ can be fucked up but some of us here can relate to others and offer first hand advice and experiences that a therapist can't

>>732910835
I have this dream a lot.

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>>732910949
Yep. One of the anons from a feels thread awhile back made this. He still checks the email and is super cool.

>>732910450
Yo I made that photo!

>>732911172
Don't know if you're telling the truth, but if you are, I love it.

>>732911096
might have to hit him up...for some reason no matter how close I am to someone or who they are I will not tell them anything but will tell /b/ everything

It's been years since I've had a good cry. But lately it feels like it's coming. Like little things are breaking the floodgates that's held for so long.. and when it finally goes it's gonna hit hard. Its things like war movies that are hitting the hardest. Maybe the feeling of brotherhood and unity iv never had that's gonna do it for me... Maybe the sense that I never emotionally grew into the man i was supposed to be. I don't know. All I know is that I'm lost within myself and It's coming. I just hope I'm alone when it happens.

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>>732911240
Originally I made it for a mobile wallpaper, here's the full version

>>732911301
I've found if you just cry it out and let all those tears flow it speeds up the moving on process it's what ive been doing and it works too

>>732911532
And now it's going to be my phone pape. Thank, man. I like your style.

>>732898855
You ever thought that some sort of suffering produces something greater? Like maybe free will?

It hurts, but there is always a guidance for those that struggle upwards.

Fight hard

Mobile fag

>Be me
>16 yrs old
>Girl i have known since 5th grade hits me up.
>"Hiya anon, im surprised you of all people use social media considering your paranoia."
> We begin chatting.
>She has changed so much since then.
>Shes funny, cute, kinda crazy, all in that special way.
> October of last year.
> im 18
> "Anon, why the hell are you the way you are?"
>My heart sinks
>I begin to type but she interrupts with.
> "You care so much for others, and never are distant, but i know you are lonely."
>Tears swell up
>"And I never want you to be that way anymore, i want to be the person why stands by you helping this fucked up world with you."
>"So even if uts weird for a girl to do it will you go out with me?"
>I text and yell yes at the same time.
> The very next fucking day, i get a frantic text from a friend.
>"Anon, Raven has died from heart failure."

Sorry guys im not continueing my heart is to fragile for this shit.

>>732911646
I wish I could. My body won't let me. I remember months ago I tried and I clammed up. I know the only thing I can do is wait for it all to come at once.

> Be me
> 21 year old, never had a GF
> Good looking guy though
> Ive been on plenty of dates with good looking girls
> For some reason I can never keep a girl for more than 2 weeks
> Had one girl 2 years ago I met Freshman year of college
> She was engaged (as an 18 year old, I know, weird)
> Met her first day of class
> We hit it off
> Got her number that day, hung out that night
> Every Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday night we would drive to "our spot"
> Talk in my car till about 4am
> Fell in love with her
> Never made a move or even tried because she was engaged
> Last day of school she tells me shes not coming back Sophomore year
> Me very sad
> Call/text her everyday during summer
> Middle of July she calls off engagement
> Tells me its because of me
> That she loves me
> I tell her that I love
> Have loved her for a few months
> She says shes coming back to school next semester
> Me very excited
> Summer goes on
> She calls me 2 weeks before school starts
> Says she is coming spring semester cause of money
> Visit her over fall break (3 hour flight)
> Have great time on break
> Tells me last night Im there she doesnt isnt coming back to school at all
> Me shocked
> Month or two rolls by
> She gets addicted to pills/heroine out of the blue
> Gradually slipped out of my life
> Havent talked to her in 7 months
> Part of me still loves her

>>732910835
well that was autistic

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I have a real feels moment. I want to kill myself. This isn't some oh I failed a test or my gf broke up with me bullshit but full blown nothing makes me happy. I have depression and yes it is diagnosed. Nothing makes me happy except for gaming but I no longer have access to gaming. I usually like to play on my PC and Xbox but sometimes things set me off and I yell, this leads to a whole shitstorm with my parents and they take everything that helps me get through my hell. I've always done well in school and loved to go because I could tell jokes and feel free like nothing was holding me back and I could learn whatever. But in 5th grade some kids that I thought were my friends back stabbed me and became ultamit assholes. This is what started my downfall. After that I moved to California and didn't have anyone to talk to for an entire year, I just ate alone. But then I made some friends and we had great times. Fast forward to 8th grade I got slammed with 3 ass teachers and they all hated me. My straight A life was being strangled to death. But my mom helped me fix all this and I pulled through with an A in every class. Fast forward to high school, now I have loads of friends but half of them aren't even real friends and they kick me around like I'm trash. I can't let them go because I'm afraid, afraid I'll become that sad lonely loser like back in 6th grade. My grades started dropping and now I have several B's since the school year is almost over I'm scrambling to make it back into my straight A average. But my parents are just becoming burdens, when I got my first B they said I would never go to MIT which had always been a dream of mine all because I had a stupid B. They literally crushed my dreams into the dirt and then pissed in their graves. I finally went to my school counselor and confined to her that I had depression and it was ruining my life. She said I go to a doctor and get help. Ill finish in the second part

>>732905565
How have you been doing since the story?

>>732912155
Lmao, nigga u gay.

>>732912155
That is some full greenest worthy shit, Anon. If that's true, know that there's someone out there feeling for you.

>>732912368
*greentext worty

>>732912193
I'm the same way I just remember good memories of the person I was once with and listen to sad music and works..sometimes I can't bring tears but it works a little...I just feel so fucking sad and empty inside

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I got one
>be in love with girl since her and I were 14
>both 20 now
>loved her everyday since
>haven't seen her in almost 5 years
>she has a boyfriend now that she lives with
>texted and called each other fairly often
>meet up with her one day
>she has feelings for me and knows I love her
>we spend the whole day cuddling and holding hands
>end the day on a beach
>we kiss for the first time
>it was perfect. Cool air, moonlit sand and water
>my heart bleeds for her
>say our goodbyes
>it goes back to the way it used to be
>she has a comfortable life with her bf
>can't offer her the same things that the bf can
>still love her and don't know what to do

Part of me feels like that she did all that with me out of pity. I still love her, so fucking much.

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>>732912308
I guess, id respond by saying.
Life is a series of challenges, its how we decide to overcome and learn these challenges, that we can truly attain the happinees all of us strive for, what im saying is, we are only here because we are stumped in the series of problems life throws at us, perhaps what we should be doing is learning from the feels of other anons, and gaining traction from the anonymous support that is ever present within these threads, Now of course, i personally feel pretty numb the initial depression i had has subsided yet i still remain in these threads. In the end, i am at a state where my own philosophical ideas are what keep me going. Perhaps overcoming this stage is the important aspect, i just never want to forget it. -Adonis

Part 2
I confided to my parents that I had depression and they said I didn't need a doctor and I would get better soon. But since then it's only gotten worse and I can't take anymore. I want to get help. I really want to be loved again. I want it so bad nobody around me understands. As I'm writing this I have a knife next to me. I'm thinking about ending it because of my mom predictions turn out correctly I turn into some high school dropout loser who works at a 7 eleven and lives in a shitty run down apartment with nobody to turn to, just waiting to die. I could speed up the process but I'm scared. Scared that someone will stop me and my life will be worse. Scared that I'll spend my last moments in pain, sobbing because I've lost everything. Scared about everything. I don't know what to do anymore. Please someone help me. Please

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I'm constantly alone and have never truly had anyone there for me. If I wasn't an older brother to two siblings who I absolutely can not let down, I probably would have killed myself by now.

Well, I'm always thinking that she's the most beautiful thing that I could met. But like always I've to fuck it all. I fucking need her with me, right now, please, if you're reading this I'm done. I can't go on. I won't comment suicide 'cause I think there's another person just like me waiting for someone, that's you.

>>732912732
Your wisdom doesn't fall on deaf ears Adonis.

>>732913043
I like to imagine this being read by Johnny Cash with his voice getting noticeably shakier as it goes on.

What heartache sounds like. There's nothing quite like your first love. It's like a drug. And now, I'm just chasing the dragon.
https://youtu.be/6Mx5gy-AvuY

this song hits me in the feels every-time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfNR98ajB1U

>>732911809
That hit hard. Wow

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Sad song time?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k5_0XZXPkU

>>732912732
Always a pleasure seeing you on these threads.

>>732913195
For some reason I had a dream about a girl I had a massive crush on in junior high/high school. It was about meeting her by pure chance in a different city and she was excited to see me. I try my best not to think about her but there it was.

>>732889123
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>>732913651
kys, faggets

>>732910004
yes. its an unusual situation.

>>732913783
Thanks for all the (You)s.

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>>732913783

>be me, never leave house
>decide to go out with coworkers two days ago because i like them despite hating society at large
>hang out think all is well
>next day find out some normiefag (WHO I'VE NEVER FUCKING MET) took a picture of me in at my expense, without my consent, with express intent to humiliate me and the way i was dressed (still in work clothes)

i will never leave my house again.

>>732914348
Kill him

>>732914022
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>732914577
Why was my first reaction imagining the first 10 seconds of the song Clint Eastwood by the Gorrilaz

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I remember when I was happy.

>>732914348
>>732913954
>>732913936
>>732914807
kys, faggets

>>732914564

that is the plan. if i ever leave my house again that is.

>>732915038
Make sure to get away with it. No getting caught or suicide. His shitty life isn't worth giving up yours.

hahahahah it's so great being the butt end of a fucking joke for the twenty eight years you've existed.

you think people would have matured but no. no they haven't,that requires far too much thought and intelligence. they're shit. stuck in that old high school mentality. it's ruined.

gg society

gg the future

it's fucking over and there's nothing to be done about it

>>732912648
thats life bro

also as the dude that spoils gf's and provides comfort. fuck you bc i can

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I was born a bastard to two immigrants in the western world. My dad was abusive, an alcoholic, and unable to hold down a job. I don't know how bad it was as I was very young when my mom kicked him out. I wonder if I have repressed memories of him. I grew up raised by a single mother who worked two jobs for minimum wage to support me. Starting at 6am and finishing at 10pm at call centers either for surveys or customer care. For over 18 years she slaved away raising me till I was able to leave to go to college somewhere else. I hate myself with a passion for everything I've done to her. What did I do to thank her? I became a lazy mess. I'd never eat the food she'd bring me, I'd never work hard or study, I'd gone to university only to smoke pot daily and after 4 years a suspension is all I have to show for it. I've had two friends kill themselves because they were fucking piece of shit who couldn't fucking stick around. I hate them for leaving me like this. I'm autistic as fuck but for some reason people gravitate towards me. I'm not popular or anything, I just mean I have more friends than I'd expect someone like me to have. They say its because I'm honest/blunt/funny. The reality is I just want people to leave me alone, I get super anxious and nervous around groups of people. Everyone says they're there for me, but it seems like everyone wants to hear themselves talk then to just listen. I have no hobbies, I don't read, I don't play video games, I barely go out. I spend most of my time browsing 4chan or sleeping. I've tried numerous things but I just get so fucking bored so fast.I don't feel like I can connect with anyone. I just want to be happy /b/... How do I be happy?

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>>732915366

>>732913825
been there done that. having a slut whatever isnt all its cracked up to be. cant jerk off to ur weird shit, cant kick it with ur boys, cant get fresh puss

lose lose no matter how you look at it

>>732915579
>be me
>start dating gf at 16 (im considerably older. not quite a decade tho)
>move in with me
>got that fresh young pussy
>5 years of buying her clothes, jewelry... uh oh cant pay a bill, i got it. bank account negative, here's money

tfw when ive ruined my ex for the next 3 boyfriends

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>>732915381
How do I find something I enjoy when I can't focus on something for more than 15 minutes?
How do I pay my family back for all the suffering they went through when I can't give a shit to even go to class.
How do I talk to someone when I can't properly convey my emotions?
I feel so fucking lost /b/ if I wasn't such a pussy I'd probably take the easy way out like my friends did but I cling onto the feeling of life.
I never asked to be born, I never wanted to feel like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqnKbdqjh2I
>love you too much to leave dont like you enough to stay.
this song is fucking rough for me. but goddamn. pip is a master

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>>732904103
Wholesome pic for your feels

I have plans for suicide and I don't think anyone but my mom would care.

>>732916250
Same here.
Even got the note written and particular bullet in mind. I just can't do it knowing what it would do to my mom.

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Every time someone attempts to get close to me, I can never bring myself to be true to them. I cant help but play the role everyone knows me as. pic related. I'm afraid. Afraid of how people will react to my real self. I'm afraid of being close to people, who I am is so contradictory to the role I play. If I let them get close, they'll realize I'm just a shell of a human being, they'll realize I cry myself to sleep every night, they'll realize the lie I'm living of an unfeeling ghost. And they wont understand, theyll only push the truth away. Everyday is just work, then sleep, then work, then sleep. When I dont sleep, I sit alone, staring at the wall, fighting the existential dread that compels me just to end it all. I can hardly distinguish my dreams from reality anymore, I feel I am not in control of my actions anymore. I just let my character take a little bit more control, its eating away at me. I'll do something, so stupid, abnormal and strange without a thought, I cant control it, but when I realize it, there is this surreal moment of regret and anxiety, I cant move or speak. I'm losing control, sometime I even think I'm losing my own sentience. I look and my hands and wonder if I even have free will, my own body seems so foreign to me, like my mind simply occupies another's body, and they are in control. Who am I? I dont know.

>>732916528
I just keep picturing her looking at baby pictures or that stupid hand cast I made in kindergarten.

>>732916528
>>732916250
I lost a close friend, practically a brother, to suicide. He shot himself with a .38 calibre snub nose revolver. The entry wound was too large for there to be an open casket. He thought the same things. No one would care...there were 500 people at his funeral. Please spare your loved ones that pain and the questions that often haunt those who have lost someone to suicide.

>>732908983
Holy fuck, same.

>>732917385
500 people that probably weren't there for him when he actually needed it, only when he finally offed himself and they had to go see him.

The question I have is that if someone cares so much then why are they never there for me? It always seems like such a goddamn chore for them to talk to me, even if it's just online.

>>732908983
>>732917448
lower your expectations you fucking retards. Thats why things crumble when you think they're getting good. Because you assume its going to be fantastic. Cool it, life sucks and no one loves you. You're not being specially hunted by a sadistic god.

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>>732917385
They only care when you actually do it, to make themselves feel better. But suicidal thoughts are only met with weird looks and anger. No one reaches out to help, no one truly does. That's what really killed your friend, not the bullet.

>>732891461
Same anon.

>>732917566
I know, anon. I think those same things too. I suffer from Type II Bipolar Disorder, and I struggled with thoughts of suicide long before my friend killed himself. Back in December of 2013, I took my father's .380 and walked back into the woods. And I sat down, examined the gun, turned the safety off, and placed the gun to my head. And then all of the good moments, however small they were, that I had experienced throughout my life hit me. I thought about my family. What it would do to my mother. The headlines in newspapers, "missing teen found dead from apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head" And I remember being so angry, not being able to follow through with it, that I emptied the entire magazine into a nearby tree. Four years on, and I'm glad that I couldn't do it. Because life is so damn precious. Wtf does your suffering mean in the end, if you decide to kill yourself? I learned to take my pain, my hatred, and my anger, all of that negative energy and transform it into something constructive. Like being on /b/ at 12AM, trying to help others who are experiencing the same things that I did/do.

>>732918473
Everyone leaves me in the end and I don't enjoy anything anymore. I honestly don't see the reason to keep going and I can't find any meaning in life. Either there will be something beyond this life, in which I can find new meaning, or there's nonexistence and I won't be anything at all. All I'm going to achieve is living into my 90s and dying alone with no friends, wife, kids, grandkids or any kind of legacy.