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Hey b, I need the help of some of the most fucked up among you.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 119
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Hey b, I need the help of some of the most fucked up among you. I need to figure out a suicide method that fits into all the criteria i'm about to list.

If anyone wants/needs to know the why before commenting, y'all aren't doctors so i won't go into great detail. But basically, i have a disease that makes every muscle group in my body twitch/fasciculate constantly, incessantly, to no end. This has been going on for years, and it's driving me insane. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't sit still without my muscles going berzerk and making me feel like i'm having a seizure.

The only problem is, the disease is benign. It can't kill me by itself. So i guess it's up to me. So i need your help in figuring out a method. below are my criteria, in order of importance.

1. I don't want it to look like a suicide. Either way, my family and friends will be bummed about my death, but if they all know i suicided, they'll all be sad and hate me. I don't want to them to hate me after i die.

2. quick and painless. my current idea is to jump. that'd be instant death upon landing, but an obvious suicide, so if there's another option out there, i'd take it.

3. No innocent bystander will be responsible. No jumping in front of a vehicle, no decap by train, etc. They are just strangers though, and that's why this is point #3. Point #1 overrules this one.

4. I don't have access to guns. If i did, i'd have done this a long time ago, so death by gunshot is out.

I'll reply with anything else i think of. Oh, and i'd like to do this by july 2nd or 3rd of this year, so not much time left.

have at it.
>>
quick question what kind of car do you have op?
>>
>>732471308
Bumping doing some calculations op while waiting for answer op
>>
>>732471557

2002 toyota. V4, nothing special about it. gets up to 120km/h on the highway.

I should add another criteria between 1 and 2, this method has to be certain. No OD, no slit wrists( also have a thing about blood so that's out), I want to be 100% certain taht i'll die. Thanks to mythbusters in know that a good 70 or 80 foot drop to pavement is certain death.
>>
Take a tour of some sort of machinery facility and 'accidentally' fall into something maybe?

Can't guarantee quick or painless though.
>>
>>732471829
>V4
really
what model and year is it?
>>
>>732472024
2002 Echo
>>
>>732471829
Got a microwave?
>>
>>732472163
actually no, believe it or not in 2017, but i could go buy one
>>
Maybe drown yourself? I don't think it will be painless though.
>>
>>732472117
nope
not a V4
>>
>>732472292
No microwave we can work around that do you have a basic understanding of how a car engine works? Also what about bike tires?
>>
>>732472334
https://www.kbb.com/toyota/echo/2002/

mine's an automatic though.
>>
>>732472324
This. Drive your car in a lake or something
>>
>>732472523
still not a V4
>>
>>732472420
What about bike tires?

I don't own a microwave because my apartment didn't come with one and i'm too lazy to buy one when i have an oven.
>>
>>732472523
Good that Toyota echo has an issue with the powertrain control module no problem making this look like an accident
>>
>>732472524
I'll consider this, thanks. Yeah it'd be pretty agonizing, probably die of a heart attack before drowning but definitely an option
>>
>>732471308
Try to fix an outlet at home but conveniently forget to deactivate the breaker.
>>
Can't you just go somewhere that you planned in the car that people know about and hit a tree at 120+?

No bystanders, and people die for mysterious reasons all the time behind the wheel.
>>
>>732472638
What kind of pre game do you want to play op are we talking like 20 minutes from now or do you want to drag this out a couple months
>>
GUN TO HEAD. LIVESTREAM. TIMESTAMP. LEAVE SOB STORY SO WE MAY HAVE MASTER KEKS. DOX ENTIRE FAMILY TO \b\ BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DEAD ANYWAY.
>>
>>732471308
Opiate overdose that looks like accident, set up some meetings in future so it won't look like suicide.
>>
>>732472625
4 cylinder, isn't that v4? whatever i'm no mechanic. but it isn't a speed demon, i know that.
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>>732472787
You could just "forget" to fasten your seatbelt and crash into something hard.
Or as others said drive your car into a lake
>>
>>732472753
Drowning is a terrible way to die. Disease or not you will regret it as soon as your last breath leaves your lungs and bubbles away.
>>
Fake a drug addiction for like two months,tell your family about it and that you plan to get help,then kill yourself with pills.It will make it look like a accidental OD, not suicide
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>>732472917
Good idea
>>
>>732472768
>>732472787
>>732472649
all viable but are they absolutely certain? i want literally no chance of survival.
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>>732472820
July 2nd or 3rd is the day it's gonna happen if all goes to plan.
>>
Maybe "accidentally" fall off something?
>>
>>732471308
Carbon monoxide inhalation. Put something long and hollow at one end (the exhaust pipe) and the other through the window, jam your garage door and breathe the gas. Should be quick and painless.
>>
>>732471308 (OP) The best chance you have is to fake a drug addiction then accidentally OD. Your family will be able to have a open casket at your funeral provided you want to be buried
>>
>>732473112
Like I said m8
>>732472917

^^ this will be the best way. Leave your mark on history my friend. Don't be a nobodyfag
>>
>>732473033
you aint surviving a crash at 120 mph (or kmh) without a seatbelt..
you probably wont survive with it would be my guess.
>>
>>732471308
go out of your way to get a fatal incurable illness
>>
IVE FINISHED MY CALCULATIONS OP

FIRST you need to go out and buy yourself a Samsung microwave and rip the protective screen out of it hook it up to your car battery with some 1/0 wire from your location hardware store and run it through your windshield. Cover your body in beautiful tin foil. once you've done that you need to get on the highway at top speed.
>>
>>732472920
>4 cylinder, isn't that v4?
no
the V describes how the cylinders a positioned relative to each other, specifically that they form a V when looked at from the side
most 4-cyl engines are a straight 4 meaning they are lined up
the only V4s I know of are used in motorcycles
>>
>>732473193
i was trying to work out a way for this to happen. maybe rent a hotel room with a balcony, see if i can unscrew some screws that hold it on or something and "fall" off. could work but pretty specific circumstances.
>>
>>732473033 I mean,yeah he can do that but if his brakes are working and there isn't any drugs or alcohol in his system they would probably assume suicide
>>
Step 1- Buy a bottle of the most expensive drink and enjoyable drink that will get you there
Step 2 - drive on a full tank as far away from your family somewhere like the woods or wtv, lie with something like "trip with friends " or "country tour "whatever
Step 3- drink the bottle as soon as you refuel
Step 4 -remember the good times you might've had (Kek pussie)
Step 5-by this time you should barely feel your face
Step 6-go gta on the pedal
Step 7-see you in hell
>>
>>732473354
Are there mountains in your area?
You could go hiking or climbing and then whoops, fall to your death
>>
Buy tickets to a music festival and OD
>>
Where do you live, Op?

I'll murder you quick and painlessly for money. If you don't have any money, take out the biggest loan you can and I'll kill you nice and quick, real shit. Where you from?
>>
>>732472920
V4

No... It would be an inline 4.
>>
>>732473235
>>732473016
with drugs there could always be a possibility of survival, and i can't risk living through that kind of shit.
>>732473218
i had this idea a while back too, only with a helium tank and cpap mask. only problem is it's obviously a suicide.
>>
Travel to an eastern european country (or south american) , go sky diving ,jump whithout a partner and enjoy the last seconds. Friend died in chech republic cause of unexpected turbulances, could interefere with rule 3 ( u need to disable emergency parachute that goes off automatic)
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>>732473660
hang yourself with dick out and about; then youll just be a perv, not "remember anon? oh so sad"
>>
Autoerotic asphyxiation. Fits your criteria pretty good.
>>
>>732473824
>>732473805
Hivemind confirms. Strangle-wank.
>>
>>732473551
i know of a huge cliff probably 8 hours from me, but falling onto trees and grass seems iffy to me
>>732473548
you, i like you
>>
Go to a shooting range
Pay 60 bucks to rent a gun
Shoot self in head
???
Profit
>>
What disease OP? You have my curiosity erected
>>
>>732473567
canada to start. how would you do it? if i were to pay you, how much would you want? i'd like it to be a gunshot to the head.
>>
>>732473308
SECOND
You need to set the timer on the Panasonic microwave at the exact time you hit 120 mph at that moment the plasma arcs will emit from the tin foil at that moment you will need to call your sister (if you don't have a sister any close female will do) and you'll need to sing take on me MAKE AURE SHE DOESNT HANG UP while she's asking what's going on the frequency from the song and the man and women's voices from the phone will actually interfere with the cars powertrain control module causing it to go haywire
>>
>get glass
>get mortar and pestle
>grind glass into fine powder
>go to restaurant
>order a full meal with a side of mashed potatoes
>dispose of container that held glass powder
>mix glass powder into mashed potatoes
>eat mashed potatoes
death will be in less than 1min
sort of breaks rule 3 as bystanders will be blamed
but you should alleviate this by going to a restaurant that has always given you shitty service
as a bonus your next of kin will get a massive settlement for wrongful death
>>
>>732473308
Fucking brilliant!
OP would surpass the threshold of matter coherence as the vehicle exceeds 131.4 kmh, making him dissolve painlessly into pure energy.
But due to the quantum indeterminism, OP has to have his eyes closed until the matter transition is complete because the observation would halt the effect, probably causing a lot of pain when being only half transitioned.

Good luck OP, please livestream.
>>
Reeling to death is one of the most peaceful. The beginning sucks so take some sleeping pills and go for a hike you'll die and it will look as though all you did was get lost. No one will know... find a sleeping drug which is slow acting or that can be diluted in water. When your blood freezes it will destroy the evidence if they did a blood test post death.
>>
>>732474140
and as far as pain
it will feel like you have severe constipation
>>
>>732473986
benign fasciculation syndrome, and a fucking severe case of it too.

constant, incessant, muscle twitching all over my body. quality of life probably isn't as bad as little africa nigs or what have you, but fuck em, can't a guy hate his life even if there are others out there who are worse off?
>>
Take as many normie adults as you can with you. For the love of God- please...

Take as many normies as you can with you. How many have fucking stared you down while you were in this hell of yours?

Don't you love the way they fucking stare? If their eyes are living lifelessness that drains life and joy and truth- why not make it a dead lifelessness?
>>
>>732474140
seriously? this would kill in 1 minute? seems like a good idea if true, thanks
>>
>>732474049

Ah, shame, I live in England. But that could work, you got murdered in the rough area of town in a foreign country. It's perfect.

You can pay me how much you can get bro, but preferably a couple Gs. I can get hold of guns, so that's not a problem, but it's up to you. Won't bail out either on moral shit. It's going out of your way a bit, but if you want to do that, give me your email or something and we can make arrangements.
>>
Can you get yourself out in a national park or something? Get remote enough where it looks like you got lost and slid off a cliff accidentally?
>>
OP, kik me: jesse.the.bro
>>
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You might have to get creative with the scenario but carbon monoxide poisoning is painless. The only issue is that it could possibly hurt someone else by accident. Chances are it will end up being ruled a suicide no matter what you do. It will really cause a lot of pain to your family. They will miss you, but be angry with you as well. I don't know your whole situation, but I urge you to reconsider. I'm not judging you though.
>>
>>732473660
Hide the tube under the car or slip it into the AC.
>>
>>732474218
That's pretty fucking uncommon. Especially prolonged. Tried propanolol?
>>
>>732471308
one good method is to inject a syringe of pure air into a vain. the hole made is barely visible and it just looks like you had a heart attack
>>
>>732474140
Won't work.
>>
>>732474421
if you grind up an entire 1L soda bottle and eat it all you will die from internal hemorrhaging in less than a minute
you would lose consciousness earlier than that
>>
>>732474668
That is not painless at all.
>>
>>732474059
FINALLY
Use a pulley system to get yourself out of the window of the car with the lg microwave pointed at you and plasma fully enveloping your body you will turn into a quantum entangled mass of energy your entire being will disperse through the universe finally ending the cycle. Trust me I've been sent from the future this is the only way to stop the death of trillions. And your suffering.
>>
>>732474668
in order to guarantee death you wold need to inject 500+mL of air
the movie trope of injecting a small syringe of air is pure bullshit
>>
>>732474697
then do it and prove me wrong
>>
>>732474668
This. Quick, easy and doesn't look like suicide provided you get rid of the needle.
>>
>>732474140
Wouldn't try. I don't see how swallowing grinded glass could be anything but painful and prolonged.
>>
Or elektroshock yourself to death
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>>732471308
>find a really tall touristic building
>visit the rooftop
>find a pretty girl
>run up towards her and tackle her out of the window

No one will ever rule your death as suicide, and instead of grieving for you your family will hate you forever.
Bonus points: listen to this while doing it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xKH5pGC9jQ
>>
>>732471308
You could go for a swim. Just kind of slip under and take a deep breath. You'll pass out almost immediately if you take a real deep breath and then you'll die of suffocation before you wake up. Your family will just think you had a bad spasm and went down. Wont look like suicide, though I cannot for the life of me fathom why it would bother you what people think of you after you are dead. You'll be dead. You won't care.
>>
>>732474843
This. You need roughly 5cc/kg of air for any significant injury to take place
>>
>>732474668
interesting. I imagine you'd want to inject slowly so as to not burst the vein like a balloon.
>>
>before July 2nd

Just accidently blow yourself up on July 1st fam simple and it'll be great media
>>
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>>732471308
>show interest in hiking to give you an excuse.
>go hiking
>"accidentally" fall off cliff because muscle desease
>>
>>732474573
I appreciate the one person urging me to reconsider, i really do. And obviously i don't want to do this and destroy my family. what i want is for it to stop, and the only way i know that'll happen is if i die.
>>
>>732475438
go out in public then walk up to someone with your muscles twitching like a madman.
tell the person you feel like you're going to blow up
blow up
post on youtube
>>
just throwing this out there
if you kill all your friends and family before becoming an hero they won't hate you for being an hero
>>
>>732475002
I know i'll be destroying my family either way. but if they know it was a suicide instead of an accident, it'll hit them all that much harder, trust me. they'd never live it down.
>>
>>732475582
Your on /b/ you fucknut
>>
>Go roughest black neighbourhood you can find
>"NIGGERS"
>Get shot to death
>Cause a race war
>>
>>732475438
>>732475660
if i had my choice of how to die, no question i'd put a golf ball of c4 in my mouth and kablooey. unfortunately i have no access to explosives, and they're harder to get than guns. aint' doing it with guzzoline, fuck that.
>>
>>732475875
but the family will know it's suicide
the papers will call it such
>Racist white male commits suicide
>>
Hey if you are gonna die can you give me some money? My email is [email protected]

It'd be really appreciated
>>
Drive in the US, paint youeself brown or black, drive too fast, cops will stop u, pretend to have a hidden weapon, get shot 28 times, get celebrated by blak cummunity as hero , leave a letter with, a social experiment note so it looks like you were trying to prove something,
>>
>>732475989
Why not

Also how the fuck would any of that look like an accident you're breaking your own rules op
>>
>>732476026
sorry dude, any of my money is going to my family after i die. nice try though.
>>
Lookup medical marijuana and Parkinson's first.
>>
>>732471308
how can you put so much effort into killing yourself rather than putting less effort in making your life not suck?
>>
>>732475989
>they're harder to get than guns
There are lots of explosives that are fairly simple to make, though, as long as you can get a good source of nitrogen.
>>
>>732476111
it wouldn't, but it would be so fucking cool that i wouldn't care lol
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>>732475779
Point accepted
>>
>>732476203
Then turn into plasma
>>
Work on your car with the garage door closed, and turn it on. Lay out tools to make it seem like you were fixing it, you'll die of carbon monoxide. Relatively painless.
>>
>>732476130
I get it, that's respectable, it was worth a shot though
>>
>>732473255
Just dropping this in here but I cut the wheel going 120 with no belt, car flips 200 ft into field, woke up almost unharmed about 100 ft from car. Not reliable
>>
>>732476175
would nitrous-oxide capsules for whipped cream machines work?
>>
>>732476371
They'll get you high as shit if you huff them
>>
Why not use a gun? As long as you can find ammo it is pretty easy to make a gun out of stuff you can get from your local hardware store.
>>
>>732472753
The agony is more from the buildup of CO2 in your blood, not the lack of oxygen. SO if you breath out or inhale enough water, you'll just fall asleep and drown.
>>
>>732476138
weed doesn't help unfortunately, i've tried every day for the past 9 years.
>>732476160
oh i've put in effort to make my life not suck. 2 grand worth of botox to paralyze my muscles didn't get rid of all the twitching. and that's only in the spots you can inject botox.
>>
Pay a junkie to break in and shoot you
>>
>>732476498
Try meth
>>
>>732471308
Use a charcoal grill in a small unventilated space. You'll very likely die from carbon monoxide. Set your plate, make some sides or whatever and put some meat on the grill so it looks like you just had a very dumb idea and weren't trying to an hero.
>>
Send a cat up a power pole. Go up after him. "accidentally" ground yourself between two of the wires while attempting to rescue the cat.
>>
>>732476468
why do you think I have them?
I don't make whipped cream often enough to justify the $80 I spent on the machine
>>
>>732475989
>>732476175
You could also cook up a big patch of thermite(it's just iron oxide and aluminum powder mixed up).

>>732476371
No. The right kind of fertilizer should, though.
>>
>>732473980
Probably wouldn't work. Lots of places now require that you have a buddy to rent with you, precisely so that doesn't happen.
>>
>>732476637
See and here I thought you just REALLY liked whipped cream
>>
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Id offer to shoot you with my gun, hell its the American dream. Make it look like a mugging gone bad. But you used km so I'm guessing Euro fag or at least canadia too far
Thread posts: 119
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