Hello /b/. Welcome to the Anonymous Tavern; pull up a stool.

>>732405190
Got any cheese pizza?

File: pizza_trad_alfredo.png (494KB, 1538x776px) Image search: [Google]

494KB, 1538x776px

>>732405292
I have this, sir.
It's freshly baked, and quite delicious.

https://youtu.be/u4Ub2em4cgI

How about a blowjob

maker's. neat.

>>732405190
Gimme a Nicaraguain Jagerdiarrhea puke nuke on the rocks please

>>732405190
Can i get a black tooth grin? It's kinda a shit night.

>>732405190
How does a person like me get a woman?

Ever fucked a transexual, Arthur?

>>732405651
Let me tell you the best place to find that would be down the block. There's a green door next to the bakery. Ring the intercom, and ask for Molly. Tell them Arthur sent you, and they will take exquisite care of you. At a very reasonable price.
Would you like a drink before hand to strengthen your stamina?

>>732405719
With or without the plantains?

>>732405190
Hello Arthur, i'd enjoy a fellatio quite a lot

>>732405760
>black tooth grin
Of course sir. Here you go. Why are you having such a bad night if I may ask?

>>732405838
You go to any desired cis biological female and follow this course of action
>OOGABOOGA WERE DEH WHITE WYMEN AT
>grab her by the pussy and lift her on your shoulder
>walk away in the sunset with semen dripping from your peepee

>>732406027
Can i substitute it for oven roasted jew chunks instead?

>>732405838
Well first off, what are you looking for in a woman? Second, what can you offer?

Also, here. This is a very fine sherry. It's smooth, and on the house.

>>732405916
A gentleman never tells secrets out of school Sir.
Would you like a drink?

>>732406104
Please see>>732406008
Here. Take this ale. Guaranteed to relax you and get you ready.

>>732406223
But that would make it a Auschwitz Slinger instead of a Nicaraguain Jagerdiarrhea puke nuke.
I can make it if you like, but it will take a minute to find the crushed pine nuts.

>>732406564
No biggie, i have all night

Btw, make two

>>732405694
Here you are Sir. Sorry about the delay.
Would you like some pretzels?

>>732406656
Yes Sir.

>>732406008
i'll have a pepsi please Arthur, thank you so much for the exceptional service, such a great lad

>>732406849
Here you are. Would you like a twist of lime?
And my pleasure Sir.

File: 1431892959974.jpg (27KB, 226x282px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 226x282px

yo Arthur! The shitter is full. you got another bathroom I can use?

>>732406928
yes, please! and would you be kind enough to bring me the ashtray? if im allowed to smoke here ofcourse

File: 1486989779079.gif (1MB, 720x720px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 720x720px

>>732405190
I could use some advice. My dad is 66 and is now "dating" a 20 y/o single mother. He's been giving her money, letting her borrow his car, etc. Recently, a friend was over at his house fixing his door, and my dad told him he wants to fix up the house and leave it to this girl in his will, instead of my sister and I. I'm 100% sure this chick is a gold digger, and idk what to do about it. I told him she's bad news and is out for his money, and like a dumbass he told her what I said. She got all upset and got him to sign a paper stating that he's giving her money of his own free will without any promises of sexual favors or anything. Wtf can I do to make sure this chick doesn't take him for everything he has?

File: cigare-cuba.jpg (19KB, 400x261px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 400x261px

>>732407051
But of course!
By the way, these were just delivered an hour ago, straight from Havana. Would you care for one?

Let's play 'Guess Who's In My Mouth.'

>>732405190
A pizza or some money would be nice. Tired of being poor and eating ramen.

>>732407033
One moment Sir and I'll have a crew take care of it for you.
If this is an emergency situation, please use the Ladies room. I'll alert the attendant to keep watch for you.

>>732407113
That IS a sticky wicket.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do at this point. My advice is to seek counsel on the matter to see what legal options you have.
Personally I think you're right, but...

Here. Have this brandy. It will help you relax.

Arthur, my good man, Tom Collins please

>>732407257
Perhaps one of these for you as well. >>732405509
The Alfredo sauce is wonderful.
As far as the money situation, Perhaps a part time job? I know things are rough everywhere, and it's tough to make ends meet.
You could donate plasma, or possible sell a few items you no longer need. I will keep an ear out for opportunities if you like.

File: asset_upload_file990_174227.jpg (162KB, 824x559px) Image search: [Google]

162KB, 824x559px

>>732407698
Of course. There you are. Bottoms up eh?

>>732405190
Wait, where the hell am I? Why am I on this ship? Who are all these retards around me?

What's the best bourbon you got Arthur?

File: Screen Shot 2017-05-12 at 11.04.30 PM.png (178KB, 350x369px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 350x369px

>>732407908
uh there is a hair in my drink Arthur....

>>732405190

Fuck you Arthur, you snitching bitch

>>732407957
Ship Sir?
Whatever do you mean? I'm afraid you may have had a bit too much. Drink this to get your electrolytes back up, and feel free to lie down on the sofa in the back lounge until you feel better.

>>732405190
gimmie a mary pickford
and do go easy on the rum

>>732408286
I'm terribly sorry Sir. Let me fix you another. Gratis of course.

>>732408480
*dont'
its been a long week

>>732408348
Do I know you Sir?
I don't believe we've met.

>>732405190
How do you make you old fashions?

>>732408581

You know what you did. "I can keep a secret" my ass.

never been to a bar before...um, give me a craft IPA

>>732405190

Arthur i think we MAY live in a blackhole after all and the whole universe we experience and watch already happened, over and over.

Inflation, and then deflation.

The usual earl grey will do i'm afraid.

File: mary.jpg (34KB, 480x320px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 480x320px

>>732408480
Here you go Sir. With a treble shot of rum, just for you.
Might I ask, is everything OK?

>>732408841
fine
just lemmie drink in peace, and keep my tab open will yah?
thanks

Arthur, you have the fanciest bar in Anon city... and you do not suck eggs. I must tell you, what really wins me over is your brilliant service. It's as if all you know is fine dining... and breathing.

>>732408597
2 oz. Buchanan’s Master Blended Scotch Whisky

2 dashes Angostura Bitters

1 tsp sugar

1 splash of water

1 orange peel twist

Mixed slowly and served up in an ice cold glass.
I guarantee you haven't had one until you've tried one of mine.

>>732408597
Barkeep?!? How do you make your old fashions?

>>732409014
Of course Sir.

hey barkeep! Where is the Mandingo fighting I heard about? in the basement?

>>732408713
My pleasure sir.

>>732407173
oh Arthur, you never cease to amaze me old man, always have the most splendid ideas.
Pass me one of those fine havana cigars Arthur! At what time does the poker game beguin?

>>732409098
Is there any reason you don't use single malt?

>>732405190
Hey Arthur hey! what a wonderful kind of day!
do you ...work and play?

>>732408825
Certainly Sir. Cream and sugar?

File: IMG_3933.png (171KB, 625x327px) Image search: [Google]

171KB, 625x327px

Arthur,
I see the 'human' lower half of you is....how shall i put this... "missing".
This simply will not do for me...
Arthur... how servicable is your mouth??

>>732409054
Why thank you.

>>732405190

irish mule,
moscow mule but instead of vodka put jameson.
I want one every 10 minutes, if I havent finished the last one threaten to charge me 5x unless i chug my current one.

>>732408661
Sir, please. If I can help you I will, but please, the other guests aren't here to listen to you yell. Would you like something?

File: herewegoagain.png (14KB, 848x152px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 848x152px

>>732405190
I am sitting in my bedroom at 11:13 PM, on 4Chan, drinking a Mountain Dew Grape. Please recommend me a better drink for such an occasion.

(Pic not related.)

pour me a shot, something strong

>>732409181
Non here I'm afraid Sir. Perhaps at the Candyland plantation.
Yes. I do believe that's the place.

>>732409054
(I must know your name)

>>732409220
Here you go Sir.
I must apologize. Poker is not until tomorrow night. Shall I reserve a spot for you?

>>732405190
Lagavulin on the rocks.

>>732409054
I actually kek'ed

>>732408246
No bourbon's I guess then?

>>732409241

Certainly so!

Me love me some kweem.

>>732409763
Ach mein leben. Ruining lagavulin with ice.

>>732409243
Quite servicable sir. I am a cunning linguist if you are to believe the ladies.

File: IMG_3934.jpg (33KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 480x360px

I want a shot at that redhead yonder lookin at me

>>732409227
No reason. A lot of customers prefer it that way. I can make your next drink with it if you like.

>>732409753
Call me John Wick

>>732409236
Yes.

>>732409586
(Cough)

>>732409625
haha nice. *raises glass*

>>732409346
>?
Of course Sir. Have these 2 to start out.

My girlfriend likes snorting my ground up pubic hair. How can I stop her from doing it?

File: IMG_0015.jpg (71KB, 1000x1300px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 1000x1300px

Good evening, Arthur. I'll have a Roy Rogers. Any news on the lass working at the Apotchecary? Some say she's quite the promiscuous young lady.

>>732410058
(COUGH)

>>732410159
AKA she likes dick

>>732410019
Hrumpf, please make on with 12 year glen please.

>>732410216
We heard you cough the first time. Instead of being a passive-aggressive bitch about it, why don't you try asking again?

>>732409586
Certainly. Perhaps a shot or two of this lovely homemade Louisiana moonshine.
Made yesterday from an old family recipe, mixed in the basin my grandfather used to scrape his foot sores in.
This will, as they say, knock you on your ass, if you'll excuse the language.

>>732409476
How do you feel?
Are you down?
Are you up?
Are you indifferent?

Arthur just one more drink bro, don't cut me off yet man i thought you was cool

Good evening Arthur.

Could I get a vodka soda with a generous twist of lime please?

I've had an absolutely dreadful week my dear. Oh, the one I love, I can't decipher his true feelings for me. Tell me... how do you know if a man truly loves a woman?

>>732410390
Alright, thanks

File: lagavulin-cocktail-RECIPES1016.jpg (105KB, 930x581px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 930x581px

>>732409763
>Lagavulin
Just for you Sir.

>>732409905
A man must ruin his drink as he ruins his life. I´ll drink it neat when I´m content with life sir.

>>732410577
Thanks, leave the bottle my friend.

File: BlantonsGoldEditionBourbon-insidelarge.jpg (112KB, 590x390px) Image search: [Google]

112KB, 590x390px

>>732409840
I do apologize Sir.
Yes. Here. This is very good. You'll like it.
Gratis of course because I kept you waiting.

>>732410495
Well, I was going to ask you why you're in a homosexual relationship, since your masculine features quite threw me.
And now, I ask you, why are you not scrubbing the washboards with the other women at the creek? A woman's place is not at a tavern, but at a stovetop.

Good evening arthur, im here to celebrate! whats your recomendation?

>>732410109
Perhaps shaving.
Yes. That's it. If it's not there, she can't access it.

File: QXDyy.gif (904KB, 500x281px) Image search: [Google]

904KB, 500x281px

>>732410529
ThiS TasTEs LikE Jet FUelLL aNd I LOve IT

>>732410159
Here you are Sir.
She is a fine girl indeed. But I'm afraid I can't divulge information of that sort. A gentleman would never disparage the reputation of a lady.

Though I've been told, Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. So take that as you may.

>>732410058
>>732410216
Are you feeling alright sir?
Would you like another shot?

>>732410242
Certainly

>>732407033
LMFAO

>>732410291
Sir, please. A gentleman doesn't act that way.

>>732410862
Oh, yeah, what a great idea. I'll just shave. But there's only one problem with that, Arthur. IT FUCKING GROWS BACK YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER

>>732410493
One more sir. But let me call you a cab. We can put it on the bar's tab if you are short.

>>732411348
You're a poser, Arthur. A poser.

>>732411456
Don't tell me what to do

>>732411277
I am A ok no anon

>>732411197
Yes, yes, Arthur. Please pardon my candor in the matter. What thoughts have you of the new negroes in town? Quite a shame, really, I must say. We mustn't allow them in a fine tavern such as this, yes? Jim Crow knows best, eh?

>>732410495
Hello Dear lady.
Of course.
It's hard to say sometimes. We men tend to keep our feelings close to the vest. Does he do the little things for you?
Does he ask how you are?
Does he seem to be distant, but you catch him sneaking glimpses at you?

>>732409759
yes please Arthur, can you seat me next to the mayor? im thinking about talking to him about that thing I told you about earlier this week

Holu shir im drunk for real now fuckin hell

>>732410798
Sir please.
A gentleman doesn't speak like that to a lady. If you continue like this, I'm afraid I may have to ask you to leave.
Everyone is welcome here.

>>732410858
A celebration!
How about a Hop Skip and Go Naked, followed by a Mrs Bailey's Bush?

>>732411798
hey arthue, help, im su

>>732411083
Excellent Sir. Let me know if you'd like another. But be careful. They will catch up to you

>>732411447
Wax then?
Electrolysis?
Perhaps hormone treatment?

>>732405190
I like it...well done sir.

>>732405190
I'd like a proper vesper cocktail, Arthur. Any chance you have any old-style Lillet?

>>732411893
That sounds fantastic as always Arthur!

>>732411542
I'm afraid I cannot serve you any more tonite. Please understand, this is for your own safety.

>>732411941
aonhter palese?

>>732411666
Sir. Skin color matters not. We are all pink on the inside.

>>732405190
Hi Arthur, can I get a coke and rum? Please and thank you. Anyways how do I stop loving my best friend?

>>732412356
Fuck you Arthur. I caught my gf getting railed by a BBC earlier and now you tell me I have to go back to her only half drunk? What the FUCK is wrong with you, man?

>>732411729
Certainly.
Also remember a jacket IS required.

>>732411798
>>732411931
Certainly.... Down the hall and to the right. Speak to Joe, the attendant. He can help you, and give you something to help you feel better.

>>732412575
You the man artmen! how do i tio you

>>732412215
>vesper cocktail
I just happen to have one last bottle in the cellar. I'll have one of the assistants fetch it, and I'll mix you one you won't believe.

>>732412424
Perhaps one last one.
You are looking a bit...worn out. Here, Eat these eggs, and after have a lie down in back.

>>732412856
oHT oGD :D

>>732412441
With lime?

You should always love your best friend. But I suspect you mean love in a different fashion, yes?
I'm afraid I can't advise you on that. The heart loves what the heart loves. The best thing would be to sit down and hash things out, and find where both of you stand on the matter.
Remember if you trully love them, you'll have their best interests at heart, even though it may pain you.
Such is life unfortunately.

>>732413096
You're such a faggot, Arthur.

>>732412450
I am sorry Sir. But if I were to continue to serve you, I would be endangering your health and welfare.
Here. Let me get you a cab, and have them take you to a very nice hotel. There you can sleep, rest, and let the cares fall away. They know how to take care of you.
No charge of course.
And Tomorrow, you can face your problems in a new, empowered way.

>>732412664
However you like Sir.

>>732413096
I'll take like thanks, and thanks for the advice guess I have to stop being so afraid of my emotions. Close the tab on this one. Need to go think clearly after this drink

>>732413316
Possibly, but Gentleman do not make assumptions about each other like that. Please. Have another drink.

File: 1494382669088.png (696KB, 604x522px) Image search: [Google]

696KB, 604x522px

>>732413356
Heres a meme

>>732413454
Have another drink you say? But you told me I'd be going to a very nice hotel free of charge.

good evening, whats you policy on open carry?

this isnt even a joke ive never been this drunk before help me artur, 4 chan, God. I think im gonna die. what do i do??

>>732413540
This is something to settle your stomach for the trip. An old family recipe, guaranteed to quell any upset stomach you may be feeling.
And it will help you relax once you get to the destination.

>>732413509
Ha! Such an unusual bon mot!