Door was just kicked in your only weapon is to your immediate

wall.

n i c e

it's a giant ass painting. Ill smack it over his head i guess

swiss army knife i forgot i left there.
kek.

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>>732301903
window
I just walk out of it

My skate tool :')

>>732301903
Not at all, nice snub next to me right now, I wish a bitch would, tbh hoping on it, I'v been feeling like killing somebody might help with my low self esteem lately, idk why

water bottle... gg

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>>732301903

Bulgarian SLR AK. I think I'm good.

>>732301903
Huge fucking beer mug, definitely would do damage if smacked against someone

An otomatone. Would hardly do any damage.

>>732301903
I had part of a fucking coat rack next to my bed for a long time
Only had to use it once

This fucking drug fucking addict bitch kept ringing the building's door
I went to the door drunk half naked with the fucking stick in my hand and told him if he rung that god damned door one more time I'd come down there and shove it up his ass

>>732301903
A lamp, a desk, and a jolly rancher wrapper. Eh, okaay.

headset :^)

crappy epiphone with a broken neck

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>>732301903
i got a throwing knife that i use to pick the junk from my toe nails, so *Disgusting Throwing Knife* with +1 poison damage

A sock, a blanket, or a container of cd's...

>>732301903
my front door is a metal security door that opens outwards.

aint nobody kicking that shit in.

>>732301903
Vodka
>Drink then throw empty I guess

MCAT books and a calculator. At least the books are heavy

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a 30 pound dumbell and my bong

>>732301903
my beagle will bark at them then bring them a ball.

budgie
alright

Guess I'm using an entire goddamn bookshelf to bash the guy's head in

A pencil. I hope there's three men.

>>732301903
Nothing but a big butcher knife that I cut my bread with I'v been wondering how it would cut through human flesh too , I live in Romania no guns over here.

Bwhahah, which one, axe, knife, bat, or my bokken...

Any way that goes someone is at best getting an ambulance ride, and at worst I gotta file paperwork all night cause some idiot kicked in my door and I killed his ass.

>>732301903
A box of wine...

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Not at all

>>732302550
Such a shit movie

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>a tumbler of strong margarita

Surprisingly dangerous.

>>732302567
You cut bread with a butcher knife? kek

Sig sauer p226, left hand currently resting on it under my pillow...im good

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Threat resolved. Winning

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>>732301903
I guess I'm blinding them with dip spit, that shit burns like hell when it gets in your eyes.

>>732302729
Yeah when I'm in a good mood , I usually rip it with my hands.

well I got a toilet roll, maybe I'll unroll and hide in the stack of toilet papers

I'll give him my coat, but there's strings attached.

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Pic very related... Think I'll do just fine

>>732301903
My left hand, I'm a lefty. I'll turn blood rage angry and hurl everything that I can

>>732301903
Why would they do that bro? would they help me find something that I'v been searching for so long? why would they want my poverty?

>>732302981
Ok, he can have it. Felt like burning it, though.

A cel phone charger that looks like a pokeball.
It's moderately heavy, so I'll chuck it with all my might and hope it stalls him long enough for me to book it out of there

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o ya

>>732303079
Are you a downy?

>>732301903
scissors. I'll take my chances.

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Uhm....stab i guess?

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>looks left
>Pic related

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>>732301903
Kimber Ultra II Crimson Carry. .45 cal. Fellow has one small red dot on his forehead, followed in a nano-second with a large hole. Cops come by, take statement, shake hand and tell me to have a good evening.

>>732301903
5 month old baby. He will be protected with all my might

Screwed a pillow....

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Think I'm good..

>>732303653
>no ammo
>still can be used as baseball bat

>>732303653
why do you have that sitting next to you? are you black or middle eastern?

>>732303307
stick the pointy end in his pee hole

Coffee mug

Half-sharpened axe


Well shit...

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>>732301903
Im good

>>732303740
lol, full 30 and white as snow..

A handheld fox plushie. GG world.

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>>732301903
A Winnie the Pooh body pillow, not fucking joking.

>>732304002
>>732304002
you didnt answer my first question. you scared of something in your own home? maybe you should move?

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Could be worse

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>>732303933
>Draw your sword

A towel I use to clean my white guilt

>>732302157
Look at this fucking faggot who thinks that killing someone is going to relieve their mental illness.

Put your gun in a fucking safe and reach out to a therapist before you become another fucking statistic.

>>732301903
A guitar

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A fucking couch. How do i use it as a weapon?

>>732304251
must be in the UK

>>732304179
>>732304179
Occasional trouble. I move for no one.

My vibrator . im fuked literally

>>732304396
Naw I'm amerifat, need that for work

>>732302343
Frank is that you?

HK45C under the pillow with Hornady Zombie Defence.

My vector calculus notes in a Hannah Montana binder. I'll bore him to death.

>>732304537
Okay then. Carry on.

>>732304401
not even your own safety and mental health? you sound fucking paranoid. I dont even lock my door and i live in america.

Bong, better make the one bit count

125+ lb male blue great dane that does not like any human but me. He is currently sleeping, and I pity any guest I did not invite into our home.

>>732304770
lol its only 125 pounds? you gotta feed that thing, moran.

>>732304614

Safest house on the block. Preparedness =/= Paranoia. And no offense, but not locking your doors makes you the odd man out here.

>>732301903
Paper clips. I'd say I'm pretty fuckin' ready

>>732304860
he isnt even 2 yet

I gotta fuckin green spray bottle with water in it.

10foot long dildo I guess I need to start practicing my whip skillz

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Guess I am gouging eyes out with car keys, giving paper cuts with bills I'm not going to pay and shoving my girls wallet up his ass. Then finally smothering with a pillow... Maybe some assrape of the dead body.

>>732301903
Got a pen without ink, I'll stab it in his throat

Some badass flip flops

A tree. Am in the park. Intruders to bring their own doors.

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:(

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>>732301903
Great Dane. I think I'm fine.

I don't think my front door is even locked, but on the off chance anyone could make it to me, razor sharp combat knife. I doubt anyone's getting past the pit in the living room who loves me almost as much as lunch though.

Well I guess I could find use of a vacume

>>732304866
not here. it makes you nothing, because nobody is going to know, because i live somewhere safe that you dont need a gun to defend yourself from home invasions.

being the safest house on the block doesnt mean shit if there arent any threats.

maschine drum pad... it's actually quite hard

There's just a black 3ds on my left
Guess I can make them play really shitty games and the robbers will die of boredom

>>732305318

i have 3 dogos danes

>>732305564
Best fucking bread ever. So loyal and protective. Only breed I'll ever own.

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>>732301903
>needing a weapon

>>732305673

i think pumpernickle is better tbh

jizz sock

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>>732305318
Now two doggos here. Even better.

>>732305497
>lives in the world
>aren't any threats

>>732301903
a bathtub

9mm. Done.

>>732306175
vermont. you should consider moving.

>>732301903
20v hand drill
>I'll survive.

>>732306355
lol, spent the last 5 years there. Small world?

>>732306078
dude, my 20 pound beagle would fuck those things up, after they attacked her and i got them put down by the state.

>>732306479
its a small state, yea.

Bathtub. Time to drow. Someone

>>732304375
>dont feel bad anon, i ended up with a wall.

$1200 desktop, weighs over 25 lbs would knock the out him

my still soft cock in hands

>>732301903
A fat chick. I'm cool with that.

empty slurpy cup gg

Ridiculously fucked. It's an 8# orange cat.

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Its ornamental but better than a frying pan

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>>732306539
I don't think so faggot.

>>732302240
You're a nigger

>>732301903
a glass of water

>>732307611
girlfriend? Or cheap hooker?

>>732302240
Is your name mary sue?

Dealer's choice:

Springfield XDM .45
Shield 9mm
SKS

We good.

Tobacco. At least it's deadly..

Hi Point C9

Could do worse...

>>732303653
>>732303336
>>732303314
>>732302981
>>732302652
>>732302240
Who the fuck are these autistic niggers posting actual weapons? Who the fuck cares about your guns? Make the thread more interesting fucking nerds.

>>732302240
God those side mounts look like shit

hdmi cable , guess i could choke him or something

>>732301903
My Raspberry is on my immediate left. Pretty fucked.

>>732305318
Remmember to give them a lot of love so when shit hits the fan they'll die for u

>>732301903
Fuckin a cardboard cylinder shaped package of quaker oats oatmeal, im fuckedd

>>732308985
you could berry him.

>>732302343
You donkey brain

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>>732301903
>immediate object to my left is the door
>pretty fucked I'd say

>>732308610
>stay mad eu cuck while your wife gets raped by a shitskin

>>732301903
My cammies.

Hopefully theyre a patriot and wont try and fuck with me.

Mag light

my crutches. i'm fucked

>>732301903
>A wall
I don't know OP...

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>>732301903
pic related
How fucked am i?

>>732302407
>Break the CD
You're good

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>>732301903

>currently recovering from the flue

Hmm hot tea...could be worse

>>732308610
why so salty?

>>732301903
You know those grates over gas stoves?

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>>732301903
I'd be just fine

>>732303409
I hear 5-month olds have an advantage over 7-months because of reduced weight and they make your enemy think twice if you throw a 5-month old at them versus a 7-month old.

>>732301903
a chair

>>732301903
masterlock from high school days

>bucket full of golf balls and a rock

a pack of cigarettes. that's no good, guess i'm fighting them hand to hand.

a broken coffee mug

>>732301903
Literally have my webley mk6 next to me... out of its holster and loaded...... i win.

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Think i'm good

>>732310906
whats an airsoft gonna do to an intruder, you can literally see the orange tip you painted black on the front of the gun.......... kys

prepare to get a facefull of CRT monitor. If I can throw it fast enough

>>732310293
what's on the flash drive?

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>>732301903
bag of potato chips.

i defuse the the situation by offering a snack and some anal.

the perp puts down his spikey bat and gleefully accepts.

Wife. She's a black belt and self defense instructor. I'll have time to run

The only thing immediately to the left os the arm of the couch. If this means i get to use the couch as a weapin i think it will be alright.

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500 feet per second bb gun

better hit the eyes or I'm dead

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>>732311971
>airsoft
>painted tip
whatever kid

>>732313337
just throw the gun at them and run while theyre distracted.

a pillow
luckily I'm naked and have a .357 and a 500 mossburg with me

in my left pocket I have a cough drop. I am going to offer the cough drop to the intruder to throw them of their game.

>>732310250
let him know he's gay if he comes in and you'll be fine

>>732301903
German shepherd mix dog sleeping st my feet would be closest weapon. I guess I could throw my dog at the intruder.

>>732313561
Obvious airsoft. Flashing visible on trigger guard. Thread protector knurling is molded and rough.

I have gun so...

A dehumidifier. Fuck

>>732301903
AR 15.
I came prepared, motherfucker.

>AR-15 to the left
>870 loaded with custom Rhodesian buckshot to the right. I'm aight

>>732314247
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=84aH3_GucrY

got my german shepherd to the left of me.....i think that should do

Glass smoking piece? I dunno.

Bad Dragon butt plug. i might be able to knock someone out with it.

>>732301903
empty beer bottle

I'm pretty fucked but I have a chance.

A hot cup of coffee. Nice. Burn em and then smash their face in. I got this.

>>732304472
>I'm raping you so hard with that vibrator in my ass

Waifu body pillow

Some thread, a bag and a sealed copy of con air on bluray

>>732310906
Wait. I recognize that pistol and table. Jake?

>>732314424
That's a good dog. I hope he got the stick.

>>732301903
Lying in bed on my right side, therefore, directly to my left is the gun rack above my headboard. AR-15 or Winchester 30-30... I'm good.

>>732314557
lol yea.

Its my fucking gun lol

>>732313561
You need to go on a diet. Am I wrong?

>>732313561
Kek nice air soft

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>>732314277
if you say so hoss

A machete and pack of smokes. Probably still fucked cuz I'm fat as fuck and slow.

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My karambit

A bottle of ketchup,
I suppose it'll suffice for this matter.

>>732315275
Why do you have a fucking karambit?

>>732315317
cause im a faggot

>>732314557
not jake lol
>>732314837
I'm sure I could stand to lose about 10-15lbs but can't we all

>>732315317
>>732315354
I also have a katana slightly further to the left

I have a machete under my pillow.

A TI-84.
Probably not in a good position.

>>732315452
Do you just have that to make your dick feel bigger?
If you want something for home defense, get a gun.

>>732315499
>>732315452
>>732315275

How autistic do you have to be to have bladed weaponry right next to your computer instead as a decoration

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>>732308610

>>732315525
do you have the one with the color screen and rechargable battery?

>>732315586
I wanted it cause it looked cool at the time, but now it just leans on the wall next to my bed

>>732301903
TV remote

>>732315135
I really like what they are doing with airsoft these days. Realistic looking ammo and everything. Some of them even eject. The designs really are genius. You can still definitely tell them from the real thing, and it isn't hard to do so here.

>>732301903
fuck you, my knife is to my right, i just have a desk lamp to my left, not even a sturdy one

>>732315586
I leep a loaded sawed off shotgun on my bedstand at all times.

>>732315632
It's a good 3 feet away

>>732315810
this. give them to a black kid so the cops shoot him and people riot because the news will say it was just an airsoft gun

a grenade

>>732315135
Field strip or it's airsoft

>>732315135
>not even nickel plated brass
lol

>>732315938
That seem kind of impractical?
I have an AR-15. At least when I use mine, I have 29 rounds I can fuck up with before I hit my target.

>>732316100
Lol, give much of a damn about your house?

>>732316157
we're all going down with the ship, you retard.

sadly gun is on the right, on my left is a bag of cheetos. hopefully he is just hungry and looking for food

>>732316157
Tony Montana didn't care about his house.

>>732316378
That's because he was a drug-dealing badass with more than enough money to replace anything he blows up.
You're just some fuck on /b/.

>>732316498
except buying body armor...

>>732316554
I never said he was a genius.
Also, with that much cocaine and caught off-guard in a moment trauma, I doubt many people would be react rationally.

>>732316699
not to mention not feeling a damn thing, remember how many times he got shot and still kept on going, before the wannabe terminator finished him off?

Actually, fixed blade, double edged. If the guy is unarmed, I have a pretty good chance.

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>>732316105
even though it's just feeding trolls at this point, why not lol

Empty bottle o' Rum, she'll be right.

>>732316850
youve been feeding the trolls the whole time, you just didnt know it.

>>732317073
i knew it the first time airsoft was thrown out, just don't care and it's fun to see how hard the wanna try

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i'm pretty fucked

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I guess that would be either my cat (who is a badass in his own right) or this.
I'd probably go with this.

>>732301903
My pitbull

Not too worried

>>732301903

Pretty fucked

>greentext
Inb4 up is a faggot

>>732316850
Quick anons! His weapon is disassembled! Kick in his door now while he's vulnerable!

>>732316850
Dude is that a real G910 or is it one of those Chinese knockoffs

>>732317409
its a Chinese knockoff i didn't have enough money to get a real one lol

>>732316850
Ya dun goofed showin those airsoft internals

>>732317356
And that's how you disarm an autist

>>732301903
Pow! Take my cum sock!

I got a blue healer pup laying on the floor next to my cumrag ...i 'd say the door kicker is fucked

>>732301903
Empty Dasani water bottle

>welp

>>732303145
be gentle anon

>>732301903
i have a small hatchet to my left because i'm paranoid

My pillow

>>732309923
This..

Also, AR-15 and 40cal Handgun

A bottle of lotion

A spoon (with yoghurt residue on it) ... I suppose I go for his eyes with it.

>>732301903

A giant glass of lime aid. I'll blind the fucker and kick the shit out of him!

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Think im good.

>>732318559
why wouldnt you just kick him in the dick or knee and run at that point?

>>732301903
Headphones, bring it on!!!

my red bong gonna hit that bitch

>>732301903
>look to left
>throw small, aged, dachshund at attacker
>???
>profit?

>>732301903
My powered hard drive with all my porn.
This guy aint leaving without a concussion

>>732314413
ar isnt loaded?

Empty bottle of lube. No hope for me.

>>732301903
A lamp without the cover on. I'll be fine...

A 95lbs Alaskan Malamute.

Do I swing him like a club, or hope he cuddles the strangers to death?

Have my vape... suppose I could use it as a form of heavy knuckles.. but probably pretty fucked.

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Pic related.

A metalhead, with screws in his boots.

My gf. All good I'm comfortable with my fists

HP DESKJET 720C
LET'S DOOO THISSSS

>>732301903

a remote control / glass of water / old computer

>local man kills intruder by smashing a old 15 pound HP over some ones head.

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Hatchets

>noko goes in all fields
>safe

Lit 20 oz candle in glass jar. If I throw with left hand, I'm pretty fucked.

starwars rogue one movie theater cuppy

>>732301903
A gasmask.
F U C K

bathroom mat.. yeah I am pretty fucked OP..

bow and arrow i came prepared for this shit

>>732301903
Which left?

>>732301903
A leather belt

>>732301903
Here's an Amazon box upside your head Mr. Intruder.

>>732302157
It's not. If you;re lucky you'll just get yourself killed.

Not at all, Buck 110 hunting knife

I have a refugee so i am basically save

>>732302240
Needs more worthless attachments.

>2-3 lb base mirror

I could probably get some decent swings in with it

>>732306251
your dick isn't a weapon

>>732304614
>I dont even lock my door
You deserve to be robbed.

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>>732301903
A.... guinea pig..... niggas vicious doe.....

Well if he's thirsty I got some Arizona tea lol

>>732301903
A dildoe

i lotion to my left, i hope that good enough for home alone prank crazy good

>>732301903
Folding knife with 3 inch blade

gamecube controller. Fucked

>>732302500
Kek

>>732314277
>>732314277
>Flashing visible on trigger guard
1. There isn't any
2. Might be a plastic trigger guard, there are firearms which are almost entirely plastic.

inb4 bait

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I think I'll be fine.

>pickle jar
at least its glass is thick so not bad

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git gud fam

>>732321078
I see you're a man of culture as well.

Well I'm pooping so... my Winchester 94 I guess.

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>>732301903
Panties.

I got this.

>>732321781
guns are illegal you know? im going to call the authorities

MODS!

>>732322179
I'll let you hold my cwp license while I fuck your non existent gf

>>732301903
Lucky me. Mossberg 590A1 with bayonet fixed is inches from left hand.

I've got a wallet and my PC
First i'll try to distract them with saved webms and if that fails i'll just pay them off

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>all the fags posting guns in this thread

a can of schweppes

literally an aluminum ingot

A fucking lamp. How the fuck will i use this, its taller than the fucking door.

18 empty bottles of beer and a pack of smokes. Perfect.

i am currently teaching kindergarten, so an Asian 3 year old...

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>>732301903

File: lol.png (624KB, 1280x715px) Image search: [Google]

624KB, 1280x715px

>>732320060

>>732321781
does it also come in pink?

File: 20170512_153359.jpg (2MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3264x2448px

>>732323353
timestamp of classroom wall for proof

>>732323601
>12/5/17

do you come from the future?