crazy/wtf stories thread, greentext'd of course >be

bump for anons typing theirs up

>>731968214
10/10 good greentext, would kek again, thanks op

>>731968474
got a story to share?

>jism château
>spunkies
kek

>>731968601
I'm rhuminating about it some, but you set the bar pretty high

bumperoo
this could be a good thread

bump again

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bump

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>be me
>in kindergarten
>back then the 3rd graders were like gods
>would do anything to be like them
>one day I find myself in the prescence of holiness
>peerpressure.wav
>gotta show them I'm cool to
>frick
>don't know what the 3rd graders act like (school was divided by grade)
>6 year old autism kicks into maximum overdrive
>I know what I must do
>one of the third graders is looking at me
>in one fluid motion I pull my pants down revealing my 2cms of glory then pull them back up as though nothing ever happened
>that kid's face when
>he just says: "why did you do that?"
>I had no answer
>I still have no answer

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>>731968214
Kek
You simply cannot be making this shit up

>be me in middle school, 6th grade I think
>chilling out max with homie after school
>gym teacher walks up to us and starts chatting us up
>hey anons wanna see a magic trick?
>being in middle school we of course say yes
>teacher pulls out a quarter
>does some fancy sleight of hand bullshit and closes his hand
>he opens it and ta-da the quarter is gone
>now this is when it gets wild
>gym teacher tells my mate, let's call him Brian, to open up his lunch box
>starts listing off items in lunch box
>"okay Brian you got some chips, a half eaten sandwich, and some muffins"
>"go ahead and open up that ziploc with the muffins"
>Brian opens the ziplock and checks the muffins out
>blueberry mini muffins, nuthin special
>gym teacher said go ahead and split open the muffins
>Brian splits one muffin
>it crumbles and make a mess on the table we're sitting at
>Brian looks at teacher confuses
>teacher calmly says, "keep going, open the other one"
>Brian hesitates but slowly picks up the remaining mini muffin
>Brian takes his thumbs and splits the muffin right down the middle
>and I swear to fucking god that motherfucking quarter was inside that god damn muffin

craziest thing I've ever witnessed with my own two eyes, I still have no idea how he did it.

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>be me
>be in the not particularly sunny, but usually rather grimy, city of philadelphia
>smoking a cigarette on the back balcony late nite as fuck
>red gaurd wearing all white strolls by
>I mean fucking all white goddamn
>white shoes all the way the white hat
>stark fucking wealth white
>walks into the middle of a grassy and somewhat concealed area and LAYS DOWN ON THE GODDAMN GROUND
>IN HIS FRESH ASS WHITE SUIT
>w0t is my mans doin?
>observe for some time
>figure he's on drugs
>eventually notice another vague figure
>a woman in all black
>succin' his dick for all she's worth and then some
>mfw I've been staring dead at this situation for almost an entire cigarette
>and he probably saw me

>>731968214
>>731969013

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>>731969856
KEK WTF
>in one fluid motion
>2cms of glory

>>731970050
shit
probably got his lunch box earlier in the day
saw all the stuff inside
stuffed the muffin with the coin
then put it back and did the trick.
pretty creepy if you really think about it
he could get arrested

>>731970057
kek this is the most random wtf

>>731970050
>>gym teacher walks up to us and starts chatting us up
>>hey anons wanna see a magic trick?
KEK i was expecting a totally different outcome
>"sure mr. graham!"
>"its in the back kidos, follow me.."
>;)

Been a long time since OC made me laugh so much

bumpin

>>731970540
I left out a key part of the story. Before Brian opened up the muffins gym teacher had him "inspect" them. Brian turned them around in his hand and made sure they were disturbed or altered in any way.

The thing is, there were originally more than two muffins, Brian are the others. Teacher would have no way of knowing what muffins to put the quarter in. On top of that lunchbox was zipped shut when he showed us the quarter and made it vanish. My original theory after It first happened was our teacher somehow got Brian's mom to bake the quarter into the muffin but that doesn't add up because: 1) the muffins were the pre made, store brought kind and 2) how would Brian's mom know what muffin to put the quarter in. Oh and another thing, he had us check the quarter out before to validate its authenticity and check out the details of it so we could confirm the quarter than was in the muffin was the same quarter he made disappear

It was just so fucking surreal man. I promise you he took a fucking quarter and made that shit appear in a fucking muffin

>>731969856
audiblelaugh/10

>>731971634
im fucking possible
im pretty skeptical but there HAS to be an explanation
there HAS to be
I WANT TO BELIEVE

>>731971634
Coach was fucking Brian's mom
It is the only explanation.

>>731968214
>that must have smelled fuckin rancid op wtf

>>731969856
>unprecedented levels of autism their friendo

>>731970057
>what the fuck is a redguard

>be 24
>surfing 4chan's /b/
>see this wtf thread
>faggot rat
>WTF

>>731972642
so true

could it be that there are hormones or pheromones in OPs "semenoids" that attracted it?

>>731973117
semen doesn't have pheromones?
its just semen

This is good quality "old 4chan" stuff. A tolerable amount of autism that's funny rather than complete full blown fucktardedness.

>>731973302
what's in semen? is has a chloriney smell maybe that attracted the rat

>>731972610
it didn't smell
maybe cuz it wasn't a humid country

>>731973549
Anon you are unholily disgusting
And fucking autistic
But laffs topkeek

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>posting on /co/ about local comic shops
>some anon chimes in about how his has a weekly Magic the Gathering night like mine does
>not into MTG, but I go back and forth with the anon because bored
>his comic shop sounds exactly like the one I go to
>eventually he mentions the manager is named Chris
>... As is the manager at mine
>ask him "... Anon, what is your comic shop called?"
>it's the same one I go to
>fucking shit small world
>he says something like "Yea I love it because it's like two minutes from my apartment."
>... As is my apartment...
>mfw it turned out we live about 50ft away from each other
I've actually met up with the dude a few times. Cool guy.

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>be me
>7 years old, first grade
>friend is over at my house
>idea pops into his head
>tells me to jump on the bed
>i start jumping
>tells me to take my shirt off
>i comply
>tells me to take off my pants
>i comply again
>tells me to take off my UNDERWEAR
>being the stupid fuck I was, I comply
>now im jumping on the bed in front of my male friend with no clothes on, my weiner is dangling and balls swinging with pride
>mom walks in to check on the racket
>sees me naked
>ohshit.jpg
>sends the kid home
>starts screaming at me
>begins to call every single kid in the class's parents telling them i like to get naked in front of their kids

My mom basically fucked my social life in elementary school.

>>731972642
>be 28
>surfing 4chan's /b/
>see andy sixx's log thread
>WTF
>hail logs now

>>731973827
>implying thats how it happened

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Too lazy to type my own, but here's a few old ones

>>731973692
this NEVER happeend to me
i have yet to meet someone that uses 4chan

>>731973827
>BLAMES AUTISM ON MUM RUINING HIS LIFE
kek still funny
>youspinmerightroundbabyrightround.mp3

>>731974326

KEK THE SHENANIGANS THAT 4CHAN BRINGS

>>731973827
What was the kids name?

>>731970050
gym teacher fucked your friends mom

>>731974255
Is it that weird? Everyone at my highschool talked about it, even chicks(less than guys of course but, we all knew about it since it was one of the few websites not block by the district. Seniors would roast any freshmen or sophomores they saw using their McDistrict laptops for it. )

>>731974243
tactician in the making

>>731974255
That's hard to believe.
You probably have, it's just never come up in conversation.

>>731974243
I think I fell in love with an imaginary girl

>>731968214
2+ is a lot? Those are rookie numbers, you got to pick it up.

bumpin again

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>waiting at bus stop
>sitting on the bench, just dicking around with my phone
>1,000 year old black dude sits next to me
>put my phone away so I don't seem rude
>we're just sitting quietly
>then we see a bird land about 5ft away from the bus stop
>ancient nignog looks at me
>"Ey... Peep this out."
>goes over to the bird
>just fucking picks it up
>puts it in his jacket
>and walks away
>never saw him again
>mfw

>>731970057
Dude what part of the city did that happen in

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>be me 9
>be big brother, little bro neighbor fag playing together
>both like 6 years old
>play smash bros on gamecube in basement
>bro and fag upstairs watching tv
>thud.exe
>get rekt by lvl 8 cpu
>go upstairs bro and fag wrestling
>get pissed cos they made me lose
>go back downstairs
>20 mins later hear them wrestling again
>back upstairs both ripping each other's clothes off like rabid dogs
>both see me and start ripping my pants off
>fag boi touches my weewee
>says it's just like the games he plays with his daddy
>mom walks in

It's been 10 years. Still never explained what was happening to her. I don't think I ever can.

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>Trying to post autistic story of me
"Connection error every time"
>Bump thread
okay.jpg
>Try to post story again
"connection error"

>>731977569
>Peep this out
KEKE PEEP WHAT OUT
what did he even mean

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>>731968214
Reddit.

>>731979483
New friend! Welcome!

>>731972610
>overuse of greentext for no reason at all whatsoever

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>be me
>12 years old
>beta fag
>no girls will talk to me
>but then
>out of darkness, a sun flower
>let's call her Jasmine
>we start talking and flirting
>can'tkeeppretendingimnotautistic.jpeg
>like it's literally hard for me to act normal everyday
>get sick of it
>the next day she starts hugging/wrestling me
>commence operation
>align my kinetic energy
>supreme equilibrium
>let out the loudest, longest fart I've ever conceived
>harp, me thinks me hears a canons roar
>she immediately gets off and runs away with a disgusted look
>operation was a success
>mfw
And that's how I ruined my chances of ever losing my virginity

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>>731968214
>jism château

>>731979591
Oh, the irony.

>>731980154
WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU FUCKING FAG AUTIST?!?!