So basically i'm going to prison for 18 months for failure

Why didn't you go to court?

>>731840915
County Jail isn't to bad depending on what level inmate you're.

Prison I can't say but It depends on what level inmate you're as well.

Dude. Jail isn't the same as prison.

You're busy going to bunked with people like you with low level offenses and maybe some people that need to be held before they can be transferred to prison.

You probably won't lose weight if you're a lazy piece of shit in real life.

>>731840915
how.
the fuck.
has your attorney failed so hard?
how the fuck is your best strategy to not appear in court when something like 18 months could be the result?

>>731842594
This guy knows what's going on

>>731840915
18 months? Shit, dude.

Make the best out of it. Smuggle in some drugs, weed or heroin. Have a good time and sell them to fair prices and you'll have lots of friends and everything you need in there.

>>731840915
try dropping a bar of soap

OP, youe only hope is to start a lean-gang and change you name Avon.

>>731840915
>18 months for not appearing in court
The fuck did you do to begin with? Nice lawyer.

>>731842594
Doesn't sound terrible, I've been watching too many shows and thought i'd be dead within days
>>731841347
I know this sounds ridiculous giving the circumstances but i was at work for almost 12 hours at the time of my court date.
>>731842635
Jail didn't sound that bad when i heard i had a warrant on me for not appearing in court. now im basically bricking it

>>731840915
If anyone says Christina to you they're calling you a bitch. Doesn't matter how they say it or in what context, they're saying you're a pussy. If you want an easy stay, fight the first guy that fucks with you and people will leave you alone after that.

Otherwise, be ready to suck some dick.

>>731843134
Bad idea. Lol op would get fucked by the system because he's a retard. And not to mention would make him a target to other inmates if he succeeded.

just don't speak unless spoken to, don't open up enough to be taken advantage of, just chill and do your time.

>>731843368
I think a good show that depicts what you might go through is "60 days in".

>>731843319
Is lean gang like weight watchers? A group of people to help eachother lose weight and stay lean by counting calories?

>>731843134
>Smuggle in some drugs, weed or heroin.
you do not want to do this. I know a guy who is a junkie - was arrested for possession ( again ). When they booked him, they asked him any drugs, etc. said no. When he was changing he found a baggie that they had missed. He was getting dope sick, so he kept it. Of course they were watching him through cameras.

The second he walked past the guards, they busted him - now he's looking at a 5 year minimum sentence.

>>731843639
I think you just eat protein shakes from the other guys in your gang

>>731843437
im not a retard im a complete and utter badass dumb nigger.
When was the last time you knew you were going to jail for 18 months, and came on /b/ talking about it, rather than preparing your ass for incoming anal doom?

>>731840915
Hey OP, I just did 11 months last year. Any questions?

>>731842594
why would they put him in jail - shouldn't he end up in prison since he has been sentenced?

>>731840915
what was the original charge that you missed your court date for

>>731843669
I wouldn't risk being in for any longer than i already am going for

Although it would be cool to shank a few spics and niggers?

Did 6 months in county.....ain't shit.....dont know about prison....guess it depends on your location

>>731843639
nah, a lean-gang basically just lean up against anything and everything... even the air sometimes. seen it on gta alot.

>>731843853
Assault with a murderous weapon

>>731843785
Is it common for people to die or be murdered?

Did you get ANY sleep at all not knowing if you die the next day?

>>731843787
Prison is for long-term sentences. And higher security criminals. Op is likely going to min-sec, open doors jail. If his only offense is not showing up to court, they're not going to mix him with those in for life

>>731843669
You do want to do this, but real junkies don't take stupid chances. when i knew i was going in, i took 120 OC80s, put them in a bunch of small balloons, put the balloons inside a condom, and shoved it entirely up my ass.
and kept it there. only took 1 small balloon out at a time, so when the shakedown came i didn't have too many to swallow.
stayed high for weeks.

>>731843853
It was a second chance for previously failing to appear on account of failing to pay 4 parking tickets, at 300 total

>>731844021
>murderous
You're not op. That's not a word they use. The word would be deadly or lethal.

>>731844110

most places jail is only for sentences of 1 years or less, year and a day or more = prison. a couple places allow up to 2 year sentences in jail, but most states that will be prison

Watch 60 Days In

>>731844216
That wasnt me nig nog. i am de real OPP

>>731844163
I like America quite a bit but your country is putting you away for a year and a half because of parking tickets? That legal system is broken.

>>731844216
maybe he hit someone with a knife wielding toddler?
you'll never know

>>731844134
I guess it was worth it since you didn't get caught. But wouldn't you have felt kind of fucking stupid if you got 5 years added onto your sentence for it?

>>731844134
Exactly that. I did the same with fire heroin. Another time I went in right after finishing rehab I still loaded up my butt. I just chipped while being behind bars and sold the rest. When I got out my SO had enough cash bunkered for me I could stay high for the next 6 months.

>>731844442
yes but if something goes wrong and the drugs leak, you don't just get a sentence.. you die

>>731844648

at least you don't have to go prison then

>>731844163
Bullshit, there is no way you could go to jail for that.

Quit LARPing fag

>>731844745
kek

>>731844402
Yes.... our prisons are privately ran for the most part (for profit) so it behooves a judge who wants to keep his job to take low level bullshit like this and sentence them to a short amount of jail time, as opposed to say house arrest or just an assload of fines.

Prisons make more money based on their intake and population. The more prisoners, the more money they make. It's truly sickening, and one of the reasons we've maintained our "war on drugs" for so long. You can't keep prisons full just with murderers and rapist (especially when the public wants you to keep killing them)

Good luck, get some tattoos while you're down. Bitches love prison tattoo.

>>731844236
this guy knows. Any sentence over 1 year in Nevada will result to prison.

>>731844815
tbh i'd rather be in a private prison than a state run one anyday. but I agree that we are in serious need of prison reform. I was hoping that if hilary was elected that is something we could tackle. oh well.

>>731844864
Yeah, but i dont want to get killed by a gang or some shit for having fake tats. or trying to look intimidating

It depends on which facility you're in. What are are you going to be serving your time?

>>731845009
Anything that doesn't turn a profit is neglected to whither and die. So yeah a privately ran prison will have more humane living conditions. But this just points out the underlying problem with our society. The value of money over life and functionality.

>>731845009

Hillary wouldn't of done shit. She'd have made caffeine a schedule 1 drug if the prison companies payed her enough

>>731845079
hey dude if you survive then can you repost this when you are out again "I am a dumb fag that went 2 prisons for 18 months because I would go to court"?

>>731844045
>It depends on which facility you're in. What are are you going to be serving your time?


It depends on which facility you're in. What are are you going to be serving your time?

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>>731840915

>>731845262
Probably.

Abolition of caffeine would probably cause more unrest than alcohol though.

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Always bring two bars of soap to the shower

>>731840915
lol'd @ the 18 months for a fail to appear
what ass backwards shithole in america do you live in? you should be able to bail out soon as long as you weren't skipping a murder trial or some shit

>>731843383

>I just watched Get Hard

That movie sucked, anon.

>>731843134
this but don't share with anyone, use it to kill time or an hero

>>731844236
I had a friend that got popped for probation violation, had to do five years. They gave him the choice, county or prison. He chose county and decided he fucked up one month in because you never go outside, there's no gym, library, TV, cafeteria, nothing but sitting in your cell taking all your meals there, shitting there, sleeping there. But they told him to fuck off when he begged for a transfer, told him he made his choice.

>>731845283
Sure, in 18 months and 2 weeks from now, look for that post. just for you faggot.

>>731846592
thank you based anon

>>731845283
You know what actually. i'll make that my first prison tat, and post pics when im out bitch

>>731846977
that sounds great, and can you keep the spelling mistake too?

>>731846272
I've never seen Get Hard. But I did do a 3 year stint for beating the piss out of a lippy faggot like you. Good thing you're safe at mommy's house.

>>731846411
guess his county jail sucked.

the jobs are what made my county jail great. the jail had girls too; certain jobs let you get some time with them if you were willing to risk it. other jobs let you work outside, in your home town, at public locations you knew in advance, where you could easily get unsupervised time in the woods or county properties open to the public, which meant you could have people meet up with you for a few minutes with a girl, or a buddy with drugs for you. lots of places had a computer with unrestricted internet access.
plus one huge issue... prisons weren't usually air conditioned, jail was. and it was florida.
don't regret it for a minute.

>>731847245
Of course

>>731847354
ok, I will be looking forward to it.
so now you can't die, understand?

>>731840915
Better cover your ass bitch. Literally and figuratively xD

>>731847549
im ebeaiting rice cakes in my ricer so i can rice while race

>>731840915
>I hope i'll lose weight
If you aren't losing weight outside of jail you aren't going to be losing in jail. Prison/jail makes you more lethargic not less.

>>731847486
Cant promise anything, but sure i'll try my hardest not to fucking die

>>731847354
well OP going to bed now.
sleep well in your unheated shitty prison cell

-Anon (who is not in prison)

>>731847888
ok, if you bleed out you owe me 20

>>731847791
Yes but you cant eat any food outside of meals in prison

>>731847923
I'll find you when i get out and make love to you eh?

-Anon (soon to be jailhouse bitch)

>>731848130
ok. but I am not paying for the flight to Denmark

>>731843368
wtf were you doing at work?
did you just forget about your court date?

>>731847341
i had no idea criminals enjoyed that level of luxury. that woods thing seems careless as fuck from a smuggling standpoint too.

>>731848044
Commissary

I've been to jail before nuggets tried to butt rape me but I didn't get butt raped they'll try to get you to fight people

>>731849175

not everyone; people with short sentences for low level crimes with no discipline records.
outside jobs meant a strip search on return; but only a strip search, never a cavity search

>>731848687
Yep, i know i look like an absolute autismo, but it happened

Op find out what the currency is (snacks or coffee or w.e) have someone load your books with some cash and horde the snacks and become a snacklord n rule the fuck out of that place
>friends dad went to prison n candybars were the currency. He legit ran shit cuz he had the most candy

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>>731840915

Hey OP, first guy you see in prison, ask him to take off his shoes.

>>731849355
Im like 26 and can barely pay rent. disowned so no loans.

>>731850525
Will do

>>731849773
>>731850291
sounds like op should smuggle in hershies bars in his ass

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>>731844134
Bad news, bud; jails are rolling out x-ray scanners. This isn't "TSA can see you naked" bullshit, either; these give you a full body x-ray when you go through. They're looking specifically for ass drugs.

>>731844163
You...
Fucking...
Dumbass...

>>731850758
Well hopefully you can work or suck dicks. It wont be that bad just 1. fuck ne1 up who fucks with you and 2. keep to yourself unless it conflicts with no.1. 3.Dont tell anyone anything too personal 4. Workout to pass time 5. Most ppl said these already

>>731850976
Assdrugs are the best drugs

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-cocaine possession
-possession of controlled substance with intent
-fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest
-tampering with evidence, resisting arrest, and possession of a controlled substance with intent
-battery and resisting arrest

Someone IK did 1.5 years and gained 100 lb.

He only did 1/3 of his sentence though and luckily got out.

It was max seciruty prison.

>>731841926
try going to some big city hell hole county jail, like Dade co.

>>731840915

Prepare your anus

>>731850976
no, they're looking for weapons. drugs don't have enough density to show up on the types of scanners they're deploying. they'd certainly like people to believe otherwise tho.

>ITT: someone inevitably tries to justify or rationalize the American GULAG

watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSM_UvZ-Jic

>>731841926
I used to be a corrections officer. If its something like 18 months usually its low or medium security

>>731845238
>a privately ran prison will have more humane living conditions
https://www.aclu.org/issues/mass-incarceration/privatization-criminal-justice/private-prisons

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we got some high quality ppl ITT

If this was the first deal they offered you then you are just being silly about all this. Your case is simply just another load of paper work on some guys desk and in attempts to get you off their desk they just hit you with whatever. You could easily get someone to represent you and get it reduced to probation.

>>731851715
Great advice thanks anon

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>>731843319
You have been watching too much of Lirik

>>731852242
Is that the last supper with retards? How deliciously profane. I must have this blown up for my gallery. How do I pay you for commercial rights to this image? Thanks.

>>731851727
Wrong. Just because the drugs aren't radiopaque doesn't mean a drug filled condom isn't readily identifiable. That type of foreign mass absolutely shows up on a 150 kVp whole body scanner.