Hey /b/, I had one shitty night. >got a botched circumcision

>>731680961
jesus murphy!

Just tell her

Just say you had a cancerous mole removed from your dick and the doctors said not to get erect for a month or two or something like that.

>>731680961
Flash it and ask her if she wants to get her red wings.

File: IMG_4699.jpg (355KB, 1453x1875px) Image search: [Google]

355KB, 1453x1875px

>>731681062
Yeah, it looked much worse yesterday

>>731680961
just tell her you have a frankenstein dick

File: IMG_4693.jpg (119KB, 536x1060px) Image search: [Google]

119KB, 536x1060px

This is the girl

No way you can go without a boner for months

>>731681090
/thread

File: 1493516569310.jpg (13KB, 465x461px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 465x461px

>>731680961
>>731681162
My God have mercy on your dick OP

>>731680961
tell her the truth you idiot, you have probably one of the only legitimate excuses out there. what're you worried about? that she knows you take care of yourself and your appearance? oh noooo~

seriously just tell her the truth, there's nothing wrong with it. if she freaks, you dodged a bullet.

>>731681259
Whats the dogs name?

>>731681259
Finger her and eat her out, when she asks for the dick, come clean, then finish her off.

Just tell her dude, I'm sure she'll understand. If not oh well she was just looking for sex and you missed out cause bad timing. No big deal tbh.

>>731680961
I guarantee if you just outright say "Hey I like you but I've got stitches in my dick after a recent surgery and it'll be a few weeks before I can have sex" she'd be 100% cool with it, it's not like you're lying since you can just pull down your pants and show her the stitches.

Don't let the jews cuck you yet again anon

>>731680961
Saw a thread with the same girl yesterday. You the same person or just imitating? Anyway, truth is better than lying for weeks. Just tell her you can do stuff in a few weeks. You don't need to move light speed to have a relationship.

How the fuck are you not supposed to boner st sll for 6 weeks??? I mean i could do it during the course of s dsy no orob but what about morning wood????

>>731681560
This. Ive seen this girl more than once on here

>>731681582
I thought the same thing, but this pain medication and the general pain keeps me from having them. The one I had tonight was the first I have had since the day before the surgery
>>731681560
Same person

>>731680961
just tell her the truth. if you keep denying her for seemingly superficial reasons, she's going to think you're not into her or some shit
do it now while you still have the chance

>>731680961
I want to strangle you to death

"I had surgery the other day."

Kill yourself you fucking retarded faggot

>>731681646
Yeah, I made a post about whether I should pursue a widower or not, I did pursue, new ordeal

>>731680961
>>731681162

>dick starts to bleed
I don't ever want to know what that feels like.

>>731680961
What confuses me is how you can be too fucking retarded to just tell her you had surgery on your dick and it needs to wait a few weeks.

>>731680961
Her fiance died 4 months prior and she's already dating and trying to fuck on the first date?

>>731680961
Punch your fucking parents in the face for slicing up your dick in the first place.Cut your mother's tits off and ask how she likes it.

>>731681732
One time when I was trying to suck my own dick I was pulling on my foreskin really hard and I managed to tear my frenulum open. It bled a lot and I had to twist my dick upside-down to pee or else it would burn.

>>731681651
Good luck anon. And i would tell the truth. Lije other anon said not like u cant prove it and you wont make her feel bad by turning down constant requests to fuck and have her not like you

File: 224416_600.gif (780KB, 188x142px) Image search: [Google]

780KB, 188x142px

>>731681824

File: 002 - MNMW80B.gif (644KB, 457x239px) Image search: [Google]

644KB, 457x239px

>>731681747
A shoudler to cry on magically transforms into a dick to ride on.

>>731681747
Looool exactly what i was thinking. Tf kinda shithead are you

>>731680961
uh.. tell her the truth?
"Yo, my dick just had some minor cosmetic surgery. I be building up all my cum for 6 weeks to blow so hard in you it'll knock that ring off your necklace"

>>731680961
just fucking tell her, jesus christ
'i accidentally my dick and my doctor said no sex for a few weeks'

>>731680961
... wtf.

pls be more of a pussy faggot, OP.

fucking idiot.

just slurp your own cum.

File: happy-smiley_650x400_61439186708.jpg (25KB, 403x400px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 403x400px

>>731680961
>see OP image
>botched bloody puke-inducing dicklet
>"got it fixed"
>fixed
>FIXED
>F I X E D
stop being delusional anon

>>731681824
You fuckin idiot lmao. Feelsbadman.jpg

File: IMG_4702.jpg (54KB, 703x471px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 703x471px

>>731682311
Looking at it before the procedure, it's fixed. Also, it's flaccid in the pictures. Only a retard thinks a flaccid dick is anything like the full size

What was wrong with your dick before it got """""fixed"""""

File: 1490510279371.jpg (13KB, 235x222px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 235x222px

>>731682461

>>731682461
>>731682479
Nvm.

How did the doctor fuck up that bad?!

>>731682536
No idea, but it looked like that most of my life

>>731682461
Did the doctor only cut away part of your foreskin and poke holes in the rest?

>>731682461
ok, my bad, that's definitely an improvement.
wish you well anon.

Post a nude?

>>731682461
Congrats on your new dick.

Just fucking tell her the truth.

File: nicenicereboludion.gif (459KB, 716x476px) Image search: [Google]

459KB, 716x476px

Good fucking lord

this shits why I come back to this hell hole

>>731681162
what the fuck

File: IcedCoffee.jpg (22KB, 300x295px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 300x295px

just quit making such a big deal about it and tell her you had surgery on your dick. don't start your new relationship on a foundation of lies, anon.

>>731682461
Also the truth doesn't have to be "the truth" and you don't have to say that you had a mangled dick before, just make some BS excuse if you care about embarrassment .

Doctor's orders.

>>731682461
did you ever feel around in that hole??

File: 1494051814097.jpg (16KB, 512x548px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 512x548px

Jesus, man I am SO fucking sorry for you. This shit really pisses me off when idiot doctors can just fuck people up with no consequences. Why the fuck are circumcisions still a thing?
"Hey, honey? Hows about we hack and slash our babies dick so its less sensitive when he's older."
"Yeah that sounds like a great fucking idea, what could possibly go wrong with cutting into our newborn's dick because the cloud man said we should?"

>>731681381
this. its imporntant and releveant

Just tell her the truth. Nothing to be ashamed about, as it wasn't your fault. Maybe bus a dildo or something else to make the time pass faster
>>731681259
congrats

>>731680961
Are you a fucking idiot? Well... Yes, obviously, but really, just tell her you stupid fuck.

>>731681372
Dis

>>731681660
This. Seriously, just be honest. Shit only gets worse if you start making bad lies.

File: genital-mutilation.gif (79KB, 326x225px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 326x225px

>>731683002
Would you make a tattoo on your child without it's consent? Even if it's a cool tattoo it's immoral. But keep in mind tattoos are actually less painful and permanent than circumcision .

You can still fuck, you got hands and tongue dude.
Just make sure your dick is comfy so you dont accidentally rip it open.

>>731682531
TOP KEK

>>731683236
Yeah this too. I just get really steamed about circumcision. I'm not circumcised myself, but I feel bad that parents can just make a life altering decision for their kid without a second though. I hope OP's parents sued the absolute fucking shit out of the doctor that did this. That cunt better have had his god damn license revoked.

It's like how people are naming their kids shit that sounds like a screen name these days. My sister in law and I were just talking about these god damn celebrities naming their kids shit like "Audio Science" and "Pilot Inspektor" Seriously, look it up, there are now two people on this Earth with those fucking names. Like the kid is some fucking new account for humanity you just made and you need the coolest name around.

File: vlcsnap-2014-06-01-12h39m13s217-8x6.png (667KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

667KB, 720x540px

>>731682461

Just be 100% honest with her. Tell her that you're ashamed of the truth too.
People respect this shit.

Cutfags btfo. How will they ever recover?

>>731682531
my exact reaction to this development

File: 1488699059839.jpg (22KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 300x300px

>>731680961
LEVI? IS THAT YOU?

>>731680961
So did the foreskin stick to the glans?

Tell her you put peanut butter on it for your dog to lick but the mother fucker tried to bite it off. Asians hate dogs that's why they eat them and you two will bond over this

Why don't you just tell her. Don't need to show your scared dick for sure but just tell.
Text her something like " hey i'm sorry but i had to put my dick through surgery because of jews and can't have sex with you for a couple weeks until it's fixed. I'll be ramming your shit for days when it's over. I just need to wait but i can still eat your pussy 24/7 k"

>>731682601
I have this too OP. Not anywhere near as bad:
mine has a width that'd be about from the left edge of yours to that hole. Mine is centered pretty perfectly on the top of the head of my dick. I didn't even realize something was fucked up until I started watching porn and noticed no one else's dick looks like mine.

What we have is caused by the freshly cut, bleeding part of the foreskin somehow "grafting" itself onto the glans during the healing process. Parents are supposed to retract anything left away from the glans to prevent this from happening, but of course the butcher doctors probably don't say shit about that.

Mine doesn't cause me much problems except that it's a PAIN IN THE ASS to clean. It stinks if I don't wash it daily, and I'm 100% certain it takes longer to clean than a normal uncut dick. I also have to explain why the head of my dick looks fucked up to every single girl I'm with (they inevitably ask).

On the plus side, it has "regenerated" some of my foreskin by pulling up the skin of the entire shaft as my dick grew. So I can actually jerk off nicely without lube...the skin glides over my shaft like it does for uncutfags. No problems in the size department either. I have never been insecure about my size...probably have a good 6.5 inches with solid girth.

Fuck circumcision though. The little bit of remaining foreskin on the back of the head of my dick is sensitive as all fuck. I can even make myself cum by doing nothing but massaging this area with a single finger sort of like how girls finger their clits. I'd much rather be uncut.

>>731685366
this

>>731680961
>>731681162
>>731682461
ahahahahahahaha, i'm fucking dying over here

>>731685425
Pic?

>>731685425
Post sharpie in pooper, I mean dick pix.

>>731680961
Tell her you're interested but had surgery and doc told you to take it easy. If you don't feel like telling her, then just day is a sensitive /private matter. If she's an ass about it then she's worth leaving.

File: dumb.jpg (55KB, 500x497px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 500x497px

>>731680961
Too scared to tell that bitch the truth. Forever a beta

Christ just tell her the Truth, chances are she'll respect you for having the stones to tell her about a personal issue like that. If she's not a cunt she'll understand that it's a medical issue and she shouldn't have any expectations. Pleasure her in other ways to keep her happy, too.