funny sex stories >be me >meet 19 yr old qt314^2 >her

>>731394520
GODLY KEK pls make a screencap

>>731394520
>I had that problem one time with a girl, only it was a rimjob and there wasn't any blood involved.

>>731394660
jesus fuck. it was shit??

>>731394951
Op got his redwings, I figured since I already had mine, best to ascend to the next level.

Bumpity

thats disgusting. You can get aids that way.

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>be me
>lick girl
>want to kiss her
>she turns her head away, only kiss cheak
>"I don't kiss after I was licked"
>We fuck
>I want her to suck
>She doesn't want to suck
>I wash my dick in the bathroom
>she sucks

Why are there women who are digusted of her own juices? Why do they think it would be normal not to kiss a guy to lick you? Way to punish somebody who does you a favor

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a206/kiss-oral-sex/

pic not related

>be me
>with cutie on couch kissing and heavy petting
>she stops me and cries
>"anon i have herpes. i wanted to be honest cuz youre a nice guy"
>"oh. no big deal"
>fuck her anyway because no standards and beta as fuck
>at least its not aids

>>731396853
so she fucks other without telling first?

>>731396967
her ex. i hadnt fucked her yet.

>smells like velvet?

Huh?

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>start banging my gf
>wetter than usual
> not abnormal but feelsgoodman.jpg
>fuck her silly cause that dick going in and out like butter
>change position
>notice blood on my hand
>check dick
>blood all over it and all over her pussy/inner legs
>meh
>clean ourselves up
>put a condom on and lay a towel down
>finish

>>731396853
herpes isnt as bad as people think. Do some research

Not terribly funny but best I got
>be me, in college
>drunken night of partying
>start hooking up with some 6/10 slut cause I'm drunk and pussy ain't got no face
>black out while still conscious, don't remember at least an hour of the night
>come out of blackout naked in a strange bed
>penetrating this slut, no clue how I got here
>she grabs my hair, pulls my face down to hers
>yells as loud as she can "fucking choke me you bitch"
>fucking choked that bitch

Man, if I could've stayed hard would've been the best sex ever

>>731397222
Why would you put a condom on...

less of a mess to clean up m8

>>731397414
guys these open blisters on your genitals aren't as bad as people think, honest. please have sex with me.

include me in the screencap

>>731398140
I mean you already stopped halfway through to clean up, I'd just keep going

>>731398202
I've had cold sore herpes since I was a kid. Get a cold sore on my lower lip once every couple years that lasts 3 or 4 days, and now I can never get dick herpes. It's not horrible tbh

>gf of 3 years wants to go to chicago and dance
>shes a tiny white corn-fed hoosier who listens to drake
>drive to chicago, stay with friend
>at club in pretty ghetto part of town
>gf gets rekt and wonders off to the bathrooom
>after 15 minutes get worried
>go to look for her
>see drake-lookalike motherfucker talking to her her
>he grabs her ass
>she doesn't stop him
>they walk off as she reaches for her phone
>i get text from her "hey anon, i went to lucys place to get something"
>lucy is our mutual friend
>follow them and watch
>he takes her into a VIP room and i cant get in
>lucy shows up "hey anon your gf went to my place to get something, shell be right back"
>cant believe my ears
>is this really happening?
>break down crying
>text gf frantically but not getting delivered messages
>mental breakdown
>run out of club to lucys place to get my keys and drive back home and trash her apartment
>open apartment door and my gf steps out of the bathroom
>relief of 1000 missed hiroshimas washes over me
>fuck her harder than ive ever fucked her in 3 years
>came buckets and so did she
>best sex of my life

>>731398610
Wut

>>731398610
The vip room leads to the bathroom of her apartment? Chicago has some strange architecture

>>731397752
haha similar shit happened to me once
came to as i was fucking
but i knew who i was fucking i wasnt totally blacked out

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>>731394520

>>731398249
There's not going to be one because this isn't a legendary thread, you fucking spaz.

>>731398202
the open blisters go away after 2 years
if youre healthy and often times they never come back

>>731399042
what is a legendary thread?

>>731399122
Please gtfo and get raped newfag.

>>731399258
fuuuck how can i become wise oldfag if nobody teaches me... ?

>>731398944
ANSWER THIS QUESTION
>>731398610

>>731398944
kek

>>731397752
Lol nice

>>731399378
Seriously, we don't want you here. You're obviously a normie. Either you have autism or you don't, and you don't. Now get out.

>>731398610
so if your g/f actually went to the apartment and wasn't in vip with Drake, who was phone?

>>731399396
>>731398944
i had the wrong girl. girl who went into VIP room wasnt my gf. same dress tho and build. gf actually went to friends apartment to change

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>be me in college
>have gf
>shits going good
>also have dog
>dog bites gf
>gf goes to hospital and needs surgery
>makes a full recovery, minimal scarring
>gets a script to Perc 30s for pain (she had a high tolerance, so they gave her a literal fuck ton)
>doens't really use them
>always gives them to me to either sell or take (mostly sold)
>one time, we both took some
>one thing leads to another
>end up fucking for about 2 straight hours
>really passionate, doped up sex
>the best kind
>after a thorough dicking, we both climax at the same time
>after we finish, there is a moment where we are just staring at each other
>one of those moments where it seems like I should say something really romantic and endearing
>kiss her a bit, clutch her hand
>look her dead in the eyes and say:
Dont worry..... we won
>hold my hand up for a high 5
>I freeze
>realize how quickly I went from Romantic to retard
>Fuckimashithead.jpg
>She ends up giggling
>slaps me 5
>tells me to never say that again

>>731399378
Lurk moar faggot

>>731399606
i have been lurking for 7 months now. how much do i have to lurk until i am oldfag?

>>731399599
wut?? won what?

>>731399963
When you've forgotten that bananas used to appear in YLYL threads, then you've lurked enough.

>>731394520
/b/ me
>15, about to have sex for first time
>she's 14, a bit of a whore
>snuck of house to meet her around 1am, we have a sleeping bag and are both inside it in the side yard of her house
smalltownlife.zip
>she pulls down my pants, feels my weiner for a bit then tells me to climb on
>i put on condom and get on top of her, dick is diamonds as i realize it is finally going to happen
>can't locate the vagina, loterally stabbing her with my cock for a good 5 minutes trying to locate the opening
>give up out of embarassment, slump on top of her
>she says its ok and rolls me on my back
>slides dick inside of her
Feelsgoodman.jpeg
>rides me for a minute breathing hard in my ear, cum immediately
>she keeps riding not knowing I came. Breathing heavily in my ear
>i have no idea how to break the news to her so just let her keep riding and grit my teeth to bear it
>penis slowly becomes flaccid, eventually just slips out of her
>she stops, looks down, rolls off of me
>we get dressed and i go home

Performance has improved since then

>>731399963
always a new fag

>>731394520
Forced, unfunny, and retardedly cliche.

Minus 15 points for obvious same-fagging at>>731394640

Kys(-15)/10
Saged

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>>731394520

>be David
>4AM sitting alone in my office
>throwing scratched ideas in the fireplace
>the phone interrupts my deep meditation
>it's Weiss.
>sounding like he found the cure for cancer
>"DABID"
>"DABID"
>he's out of breath
>"DABID WAT IF AN ALIEN IS HUNTIGN RAMSAY THRU THE FOREST
>my pupils widen
>Weiss can barely articulate the pure raw emotion coming over him
>"DDD ..D...DABID WHAT IF R.. RAMSAY TAKES HIS SHIRT OF AND STARTS HUNTING THE ALIEN WITH A CHOPPER"
>with those words all reality breaks
>i can only see a shirtless ramsay fucking up an alien
>it's
>so
>fucking
>RAD!
>i start demolishing everything in my office in a frenzy
>Weiss is on the other line through the entire ordeal -screaming his lungs out
>then a realization hits
>there are no aliens in GoT (yet)
>i cry
>all i wanted was a good show
>a fun show
>i pick up the phone and scream inarticulately at Weiss
>no words are needed - he understands me immediately. he starts weeping in unison
>this goes on for 34 minutes
>"d david"
>"david what if sans get"
>"what if sans gets raped by ramsy"
>not sure if i heard him correctly
>"what if ramsy burns stans food david and then stan has to kill sharon because he has no food"
>irony taste in my mouth.
>realize it's blood
>"y you mean to eat her'?"
>"NO. to win the war DABID!!!'
>grab my dick with my left hand and my idea crayons with the right
>ramsay could probably do it with about 20 good men. i realize. he knows the land
>"DABID BAD PUSSY BAD PUSSY DABID"
>don't know what that's about but it sounds rad as fuck
>write it down also

> be me in graduate school
> meet crazy religious albanian qt
> lets me fuck her raw on the first date cuz we both took molly
> both first timers
> we fuck for 6 hours not even exaggerating
> later on she tells me that while she was cumming she felt like she was a japanese garden
> also said she felt like geometric line segments
> never had sex that good again
> i love molly

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>>731399963
>7 months
>when will I be oldfag?

>be me in college
>get text from summer fuckbuddy who is many states away
>we chat a little
>am bored and horny
>tell her to go to her room and get in bed
>call her and start giving her instructions
>tell her to finger herself
>she starts breathing heavy
>shesgonnablow.bat
>hear slamming sound
>immediate cessation of heavy breathing
>wtf?
>"my sister walked in"
>lol
>hang up
>mfw

>>731400160
YLYL is you laugh you lose
see i know shit.
i am oldfagger than all of you idiots.
i know about puddi. bet you dont.

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>>731399987

I have no clue man... Percocet. My brain was mush and I thought it would come off romantic. Instead, I went full aspie and she laughed in my face, like she should have.

Here's another:

>Be me
>seeing a different girl now
>girl always complaining that she has a super tight pussy
>sex always hurts, too sore from me, etc
>no fucks given on my end
>just keep doing my thing and ignore he complaining for the most part
>one day, starts complaining as per usual about her lady parts
>pay no mind
>fuck her anyway
>FFW a few days
>my dick is burning like a motherfucker
>piss is hot as fuck and wont come out in a solid stream
>fuck this cunt gave me an STD
>arrange to meet her at a bar to break up
>ends up being a total fiasco, devolving into "YOU gave it to ME" back & forth, solving nothing
>both end up agreeing to get tested
>shes clean
>Im clean
>turns out I had sediment in my urine from a preexisting condition I have with my prostate
>TL;DR pissing crystals and it makes my dick hurt, but nothing is 'wrong'
>call her up and take her out for a drink to appologize
>while at bar having apology drink friends walk in
>one asks why were here and explain the situation
>laughs and replies with:
Damn! I've heard of giving girls a pearl necklace, but never a diamond one!

>>731394520
That's super hot OP. I have a kink for mendtruation

>>731399963
I've been lurking daily since 2007 and I'm not an oldfag.

>>731400617
Man, you newfags really active my almonds.
Pls kys and stay kys

>>731394520
top kek / 10

>>731400337
>this goes on for 34 minutes
lost my shti!

>>731400680
1/10 joke, your friend is presumed virgin

>>731400355
lel

>>731400617
Oldfag here, been here since the 2nd fappening. I am old enough to remember what moot is

Fuck off newfags you are cancer

true story

> at club with /b/ros
> beta faggot comes up to me and keeps calling me a bitch
> he isn't intimidated by my crew
> he is friends with one guy and they chat
> occasionally looks at me and tries to initiate conversation
> im busy sniping pussy
> night doesn't go well so i text one of my fuckpigs
> he follows me constantly talking
> calling me a bitch still
> i punch him in the face
> tell him to fuck off
> he asks me if ive ever kissed a man before
and before i can answer he gets down and pulls my cock out
> he is sucking my cock in public but its 3am so nobody around
> i dont get hard. clearly not a faggot.
> takes out his dick and its diamonds and small like dogs dick and asks me to suck it
> i tell him to fuck off and walk away leaving him there with his cock out
> go and fuck my slampiece like the alpha i am
> on shes engaged but cheating on her fiancee with me
> alpha as fuck

>>731400938

My friend you speak of has one of the hottest girlfriends I've ever met. But I suppose its a dumb point to make as I cannot prove it.

And no shit its a 1/10 joke, but thats why its rad you autist.

>>731394520
Doesn't matter - made her cum. Worth it.

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>>731400617
>I know what YLYL means so I'm basically and oldfag you guys
>mfw

>be me drunk as fuck, call land whale booty call, literally 400 lbs. bang fat slut raw on shopping cart behind bar. Go to 711 make her buy me hot chocolate and leave.

>be me drunk again buddies sister in the street with us her parents pissed try to force her home nope.jpg she leaves me and the boys find her up the road I bang ugly slut on hooker mattress by the corner raw and fill with jizz then all my buddies have a go we all come walking back together and her brother wtf face. He knew

>be me drunk as fuck again get hit by car fuck slut for 2 hours with whiskey dick at her sisters christening stroll back in to her irate dad talking shit. Try to fight him steal her CDs and go get another bottle. Wake up next day go to hospital because hit by car and badly injured

>be me at movies with slut decide to leave her sister and friends there, go fuck in car miles away. Come back to movies to pick up sister and stepdad pissed girl in love cuz 1st multiple orgasm never allowed to see me again

>>731398036
cause A you can still get preggo. B, he might not want all that blood on this dick

>>731400873
how can you stay kys you idiot???
that doesn't make sense. can you even grammar faggot?

>>731397222

these make me happy to read, that all guys dont freak out abt periods, nice of u hope u get more nice sexe :)

>>731396251
Fuck that. I'll eat my own cum out of a my wife's pussy, and she'll suck her own juices off my dick. If you can't handle your own fluids, you don't need to be having sex in general.

>>731401679
will you eat your own shit out of her belly button too?

>>731401115
ur not an oldfag you fuckin twat

@731401794
Butthurt newfag detected

>>731401942
HAHAHAHA WHAT A FAG HAHAHAHA

>After banging a cali slut for the first time
"You have a pretty good penis for an Asian"
(Noticing she ends with "for an Asian", i kinda see where this is going.)
"Ill take that as a compliment"
"Asians usually have really small penis."
"Yo I workout I see a lot of penises I know that."
"Okay. But your‘ses pretty good for an Asian."
"Erm, thank you?"

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>>731402071

Ha! You're asian.

>>731396251
is that guy in the background the "sometimes you just gotta crack an egg on a bitch" dude

This one landed me in jail.

>be me
>teacher
>always hit on by female students
>one particular girl always provokes me
>short pink dress above the knee, auburn locks, light brown eyes
>always calls me over to her by hand signal
>feel like a dog in heat
>near end of class break going into summer
>last day of school
>most students are gone and I'm with her in the classroom alone
>she heads to the back to get her pack
>motions for me to follow
>bad idea.
>diamonds
>she giggles as I get close
>puts two fingers in her mouth
>I'm losing it
>she squats, her legs spread, and she taps on the floor
>I undress immediately and lay down next to her, hard as steel
>she doesn't move at first then reaches for my cock
>her hands touch me teasingly
>say "really want to cum inside you"
>she giggles
>I move in, kiss her
>wet kiss
>I undress her, lay her on her back, position my cock just outside her sweet warm pussy
>"our secret?"
>she giggles
>my cock throbs in excitement letting out a huge drop of pre-cum on pussy entrance
>slide my cock inside her all at once
>felt like I my cock was being suffocated by the smallest wet warm hole known to men
>hear piercings shriek from her
>suddenly the tight pussy seems more accommodating.
>"shhhh they'll hear us!" I wispered.
>she cries violently
>blood everywhere
>mfw she's (was) a virgin
>colleague rushes in, sees us in the back
>"pls don't tell. She'll get in trouble and so will I"
>colleague leaves
>we stop fucking. She won't stop crying. Police shows up 4 minutes later and arrests me
>"charge? On what charge? It was consensual!"
>"Sir, you're under arrest for the rape of a 4-year-old, who can't consent"
>mfw I spent 10 years in jail because some cunt had to open her mouth about her real age
>mfw I'd do it all over again to feel her tight cunt rip while I'm inside.

Best fuck ever.

>>731400617
Who is heaven then you cunts

>>731401531
>what are periods

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>leave where else and to go five guys for food
>LIT as fuck
>waiting in bathroom line
>a flock of gaggling homosexual spaniards are waiting
>get to talking to them
>a fat Donatello (ninja turtlr) gives me a little bottle and tells me to inhale strong
>wave of glowing warmth washes over me
>my anus quivers like subwoofer on max
>heart rate is 300+ and cock is diamonds
feelssogoodman.rar
>feeling wears off in 2 minutes
>wtf just happened
>he takes selfies with my 6pack
>asks if i want more
>i follow him into bathroom and sniff his little bottle like a lapdog
>he whips out his cock and tend to it like an african malnourished slave to a cheesburger
>i smear his dick sheese all over my lips
>i swallow his jungle juice proudly
>i am gay now
mfw

>>731401278
and then you woke up

>>731401278
Thats not alpha thats gay.

You literally let a guy suck your cock. You could have stopped him, backed away, covered up.

You punch was also so weak he sucked your dick rather than being in pain.

Beta as fuck

>>731402665
i was slightly curious what it would be like... everyone is curious. didnt like it. not gay. im confident in my sexuality.

and i didnt want to knock him out. i have taken 3 years of aikido, if i wanted to knock him out i could have. it was just to threaten him

>>731402384
Shut the fuck up retard

>>731402071
she needs to add this because your dick isn't that huge. Just for Asian standards

>>731402384
lowkey fucking pedo. die in a fire faggot.

>>731402818
Whatever fag

>>731402818
>aikido
...

>>731402955
Fake you idiot its just lies

>>731402818
>slightly curious

Guys sucking your dick. Like a girl doing it but much more gay. Are you totally retarded

>>731402997
newfag worried.

>>731402818
>not gay.

Hmmm. Yeah no

>>731403117
Stfu

>>731402818
Fucking lol story though faggot. Punch a random who is annoying you then let him suck your didk

>>731398202
My mom and dad have had herpes since before i was born. 80% of the world has some form of herpes. You need to stop reading alternative facts from 1980 commercials on "sex ed".

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>be me in college
>dating girl for 1 month now
>she is much more experienced
>suggest anal and she is very willing
>try and stick it in slowly
>"just ram it in anon. i like it hard."
>pound her asshole like a boss
feelsgoodman.pdf
>nut in her bunghole
>i take my dick out and its fucking chocolate tipped
>shit the size of a hersheys kiss right on the tip of my cock
>without hesitation she turns around and sucks me off clean
>we didn't date for long

mfw

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>>731394520

>>731399963
You are an oldfag when you are an oldfag

>>731403610

You're retarded, it was only smellz

>>731399549
Yes, who WAS phone??????????

>>731403610
kek did she even look at the dick before sucking?

>>731403780
no no
there was legit shit on my cock
and she fucking ate it!

i learned that there are people into this... fucking nasty

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>>731403944

http://efukt.com/21049_It%27s_Only_Smellz.html

>>731398489
that's not how it works, you don't get immunity to genital herpes from oral herpes

>>731401278
Funny sex story thread.
you were raped man

>>731396251
it's the leading cause of oral cancer.

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>>731403291
jelly

>>731401278
>fuckpigs

Dick head

>>731404194
thats not fucking rape idiot.... kill yourself.

>>731404243
Skank

>>731400346
:D

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>16 years old, gf's family knows and hate me
>banging my gf at the time and she pulls out a of fancy Belgian chocolate spread
>dip my dick in it, several times
>but a leviathan-load
>we're at her dad's house but he's being a weirdo so we go and crash at one of our mateS
>come back in the morning to her dad, older brother and grandpa all eating chocolate spread on toast
>get the weirdest boner ever

>>731402010
welcome new fag

>>731404243
If i had my reflection looking back at me in an enormous mirror like forhead i would start letting guya a suck a my dick too

>>731401531
Did getting hit by a car give you brain damage?

>>731404312
>nonconsensual sexual assault
>isn't rape
pick one you stupid fucking niggerfaggot

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>>731402384
fucking kek

>>731404312
Keep telling yourself that "alpha".

You got your dixk forcibly sucked or you are gay.

Pick one

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Alright faggots gather round I'll tell the story of how I lost my v card

>be 17 horn dog who beats it 3 times a day
>gf is 16 very innocent also virgin
>finally says we can fuck
>at her house family having BBQ lots of relatives over
>done playing horse shoes time to blow incredible first time load
>walk into downstairs hallway using sliding glass door that leads outside.
>close blinds
>futon in the hallways decide this is good place
>she climbs on top of me pulls blanket over us I slide it in
>everything I'm missing in life
>3 min in hear sliding door opening fuck we didn't lock it
>gfs dad walks in with beer in hand immediately drops beer on hardwood floor
>gf yells we are just laying here!
>I prepare mentally for 2nd circumcision
>gf dad scrambles to pick he beer off the floor that's spraying everywhere
>ss-sorry kids
>gfs dad almost sprints out the door
>mfw gf still let me finish
>mfw 9 years later we are now engaged
>mfw my future father in law watched me deflower his daughter

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not exactly sex but self-sex

>doing long distance with girlfriend
>have the skype open
>shes furiously kneading her clam
>im stroking away hard and fast
>realize i might be getting close soon
>have no cumrag nearby since i just moved into this apt
>take a piece of printer paper
>have it nearby to catch my sperms
>we fap furiously, in synchrony, separated by 800 miles but brought together by the magic of the internet
>i bust a giant load and i swiftly reach for the paper
>papercut the tip of my cock about 1 cm wide
>absolutely zero pain
>blood and cum squirt out intermixing to create beautiful work of art
>bleed like pig
>gf worried
>stupid women...
>biggest regret is not keeping that paper

>>731404678
Underrated

>>731404826
i let him suck it. part of me was actually curious idiot. dumb niggers.>>731404777

>>731400680
THATS NOT BACON YOU SACK OF AMERICAN,UNEDUCATED SHIT,THATS PRSUTA
BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>731400617
You dont even know fury friday you newfag

>>731405297
>i let him suck it

Hahaha faggot

>>731404974
if this is true this is fucking legendary

>>731404098
You don't get immunity but you get resistance to other forms of herpes.

>>731405252
>>731404678
samefag. kill yourself nigger

>be me smoked a bunch of meth with Jesus meth guy
>find girl, break into house I know no one is living in at the time. (kinda homeless at the time)
>shitty mattress left there, sneak into neighbor apartment and steal blanket and coconut oil
>proceed to Fucking for five hours
>in middle neighbor walks in because she hears noise in "abandoned apartment"
>look at her and smile and don't skip a beat
>she leaves, no cares if cops show up because all blood in diamond dick
>no Cops, no blood or balls left
>light smoke in house get dressed leave.
>Awh meth

>>731405297
Fucking retard.

A cunt been following you all night giving you shit. You thump him and then let him suck your dick?

Cunt probably gave you aids deliberately for being such a dick.

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>>731402384

>>731405297
Claims to have girlfriend
Curious how dick sucking feels


Hmmm


Dont add up faggot

>>731399122

what is Bog

>>731405454
Very true bro still laugh about I to this day don't think fiancé and I have ever really talked about it

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>>731405344

>Proscuitto

And the only uneducated thing about it is how the fuck they cut it. Shit should be paper thin and there is SO MUCH FUCKIN RIND.

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>>731405297
is this samefagging or are people actually taking this bait

>>731405594>>731405452
>>731404826
>>731404777


no i got checked soon after idiot.
you dont know the first thing about being alpha. i he was like a little pussy following me around basically begging me for attention. he wanted me clearly and i ignored him. i had the power to do whatever i wanted to this idiot.
after i punched him i felt bad for him. why would you hit a pet that is horny and basically worships you? so i was a kind and generous god and let him have a little suck all the while i can see if id like it...
its as alpha as it gets and if you cant see it then youre clearly a faggot beta cuck nigger.
have a good life.

>>731405297
Dude that is very gay. Just saying. How many of your friends have you told?

>>731403610
>we didn't date for long
too bad

>>731401278
>alpha as fuck

Do you know what that means? You got bullied into getting your dick sucked off in public.

>>731405997
>friends
>implying

>>731404223
kissing after oral is worse than the oral sex itself? because you get your own bacteria?

>>731405901
Hes 100% alpha as fuck

On the internet

When making up stories

But in real life he cries himself to sleep wishing a guy would actually go down on him

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yay my thread still lives. sup faggots.

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>>731405082
you need this

>>731405901
>no i got checked soon after idiot.

Going to get checked tomorrow eh? Panic ensues.

>>731405901
>i can see if id like it...

Or let your "fuckpig" "hottie" with a 5 or 6 head do it.

Bullshitter

>>731405901
dude stop this shit-tier bait, literally nobody is laughing

>>731394520
This was about a decade ago

>Be me, 20
>Training for marathon, best shape of my life
>qt is 21 that I fucked a ton in Alaska and happens to be heading through California at the same time I am there on a family vacation.
>Steal some of my Grandpa's viagra cause why not?
>Book a hotel room using cash.
>She also looks fit as fuck. Been mtn. climbing.
>As soon as we open the door we start fucking. Six full condoms and about 5 hours later we order some room service, drink some water, and get back to it.
>Her period starts. Neither of us care.
>Slap her ass and leave a big bloody print.
.lookscool.jpb
>Put a big handprint of blood on my face.
>Room service arrives, short mexican man who looks horrified when I answer the door with a bloody viagra boner and blood all over my face
>He sets the food at the door without saying a word or waiting for a tip and skedaddles
>We fuck until we run out of condoms (god-bless Viagra)
>In the process we get blood fucking EVERYWHERE. It looks like someone has been axe-murdered in there.
>Leave very early in the morning

tfw I paid cash and used a fake name

>>731400164
I think this happened to ever bloke since the dawn of Man.

>>731406391
It has turned into a thread about a gay guy who thinks he is an alpha but is actually a literal faggot

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>>731401278

can we have more stories about gay rape
i bet you have a few more pal eh

>>731406427
>>731406548
>>731406656
such idiots. fuckin get cancer and die the three of you. or probably samefag.
i bet i fucked more girls than all 3 of you combined idiots. ive given more orgasms to other people than you have to yourselves. i dont need to prove shit to you. eat uranium and die slowly.

>>731406669
Hahaha. Fucking wilson

>>731406669
I heard it is pretty common for hotel owners to clean blood from their rooms. Especially if the guests bring whores

>>731406669
Now this is alpha as fuck. Not getting your flaccid tadger sucked off by a man like that other faggot

>>731406669
keked so hard

>>731406851
You have definitely got sucked off by more men than me

>>731400320

Not to mention, period blood isnt something you wouldnt notice by taste/smell. Virgin OP.

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>be me age 21
>with my 3rd gf, first time to have a really active sex life
>living in student housing
>autistic guy in the room next to her mentions to us both that she's clearly a screamer
>pounding away one night
>gonna make her cum so hard
>grab her by the hair
>never really had rough sex before
>feel like I'm Ron fucking Jeremy
>sweat is pouring off me but I don't care
>she wipes my sweat off her face
>she says "I want you to fuck me like it's rape anon"
>this_is_new.webm
>pin her legs up, choke her, blam like a cannon
>GODDAMN best orgasm ever
>start feeling guilty like a beta
>wonder if I hurt her?
>did I choke her too hard?
>turn the light on
>she is COVERED in blood
>blood on face, neck, chest, hair
>moment of panic and horror
>I'm not strong enough jail
>I'll never survive in jail
>gradually realise I just had a nosebleed during sex
>that was not sweat Ron Jeremy

Now we're married and I am a lot less afraid of choking.

>>731406739
tbh surprised it even went this long.
also its 4chan
what can one expect?

>>731406851
>samefag

The edgelords classic defence. "Surely no more than 1 person can think i am gay for getting forcibly/voluntarily sucked off by a guy."

>>731404974
That's a great story for family reunions.

>>731406851
>eat uranium and die slowly.

Eat a dick and suck slowly

>>731394640
Include me in the screem can!!!

PUDDI PUDDI


https://youtu.be/7LKHpM1UeDA

>>731406851
Wow you are so alpha. I didnt know fags could be alpha

>>731400617

roody poo

>>731406851
>>731406189
Really though. How many of your friends know that you got a blowie from that guy who was following your crew

Cannibalism or not. Puddi is life.

>meet girl.
>Go out on 14 dates.
>She wants to hold hands,
>Mfw I'm a quadruple amputee.
>Mfw when I have no face.
>Am actually rock.

>>731394520
Bravo, sir. Bravo.

>>731405901
>after i punched him i felt bad for him
Awww

ok this shit happened back in america

>new to the country studying abroad and shit
>one day at gym with bros we get to talking about circumcision
>i realize that although i am not circumcised my foreskin cannot pullback far enough like normal peoples cocks
>there's this little stringy piece of skin holding my foreskin from retracting fully
>decide to fix it myself
forreal.exe
>get vodka, sterilize little scissor stolen from women beauty kit, drink some vodka like in the movies
>cut the skin the scissor
>bleeds and hurts but idgaf
>ive had worse pain. was armyfag in georgia.
>patch it up best i can and that's that

>few days later drunk at club met girl and go back to talk
>we talk and of course we fuck
>midway through fucking shes like "wait stop anon"
>there is literally a 1.5 meter wide pool of blood we are both in
freakout.mkv
>she thinks its her period and apologizes
>it was me actually
>broke the stitches badly and destroyed my foreskin and almost part of my cock
>ER doctor crossed himself when he heard what i did
>lucky to have my dick today

>>731407184
Wow nice CP. Better run before the mods come.

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>>731395072
Hahahahjahajajaha

They say chocolate makes you horny though. Didn't know about shit.

>>731406851
Other 'people', not other 'girls'. Hmmmmm.....

>>731408012

JESUS FUCKING NOPE

>>731397414

It causes cancer. Youre not only spreading cancer online, but in real life too

>>731394520
>be me
>18 y/o
>at a home party with friends
>drunk and high
>6/10 grill comes up and starts rubbing my back
>"you look pretty nice Anon"
>"thanks you too"
>(NO)
>starts rubbing penis out of nowhere
>holy fuck.png
>nobody is looking
>stops rubbing it as soon as they looked
>Everybody notices that she wants
>They get out of the room and laugh really loud
> we get on the couch and start kissing
>she pulls down my pants
>immediatly pull down hers too
>throw her underwear on the floor
>start fucking the shit out of her
>she starts screaming a little too loud
>friend walks in and laughs histerically
>Whatshappening.jpg
>quickly put on pants again
>pick up her underwear
>realize that theres a big shitstain on her underwear.
>I feel sick
>put my clothes back on
>go to bathroom
>throw up
>went back
>she still wants me
>presses against me
>"Whats wrong with you anon?"
>starts rubbing my cock again
>started panicking
>she doesnt stop
>"please stop bitch"
>"no Anon you're mine"
>cringe
>started panicking even more
>punched her in the face
>starts crying
>friends buy me a taxi
>went home
>never heard about her after I told friends what happened
I still can't believe this shit happened

>>731406851
U mad nigga

>>731408248


bump for truth

>>731408272

that's a shitty story

need advice...

>be me 22, GF 19
>sex is great, have it near enough everyday
>suddenly stops
>don't have sex for 2 weeks, i ask why
>she says she's tired and doesn't want sex
Was she cheating on me?
>another week goes by, finally have sex
>doesn't feel any different (hoped for it to feel better)
>keep asking her why we dodnt have it for a few weeks
>she says not to worry and im over thinking

mfw she was probably getting piped somewhere else...p.s she's lied about so much stuff now, so i already know she probably cheated lel

>>731399963
You become an oldfag when you learn to use common sense and not to speak newfag autism

>>731408459

TRUTH

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>>731406391
get your feet off the seat skank. i'm tired of getting mud on my pants because you think everywhere is your living room.

>>731408400
sometimes is just tiredness, sometimes is jamal

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>>731394520

>>731408400
niggers are laying their pipes in your gf
for sure
ive seen this before.
when they say "dont worry about it" its the standard response for women who have recently swallowed nigger cum

>>731408400
Either sex is lame or shes honestly not interested.
My gf and I use to fuck everyday, once in the morning and at night but eventually I became sexually exhausted and now gf and I fuck once or twice a week,

>>731408575
damn Jamal! I'm honestly clueless when it comes to judging it though...don't see how she could be tired because she doesn't do anything, no job no nothing

>>731408400

Hmmm my gf did the same, turns out she didn't feel up to it because she felt gross. Took her to gym with me = profit

>>731408364
your moms a shitty story

>>731406851
Wow dude. No one believes you and your fragile ego. You're responding to every post that accurately points out that you were a sexual assault victim or massive homosexual. Real alpha there, faggot.

>>731408272

yawn yawn yawn basic bitch story
i wanna hear more gay rape

>>731408272
nice

>>731409078
k sry

>>731409078
faggot. i have one for you tho. typing

>>731408400
You have seen the advice of the alpha. Go out and let a dude nosh you off. Then all the fuckpigs will want you

>>731405901
Not a fucking chance, homo.

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>>731400617

>>731408839
Oldfag right here

>>731409166

my bad i actually meant to post that OP's post

>>731409306
fuck you getting me dick out k

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>>731406202
because HPV
>>731404223
isnt it still smoking?

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>>731402071

>your'ses

>>731409311
HAHA! sounds like a great plan, everyone needs to be like alpha. thanks for the advice

>>731408909
Lol

>>731406851
>more orgasms
By sucking their dicks?

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Put me in the screencap

>be me with sexually adventurous girlfriend
>we do molly and smoke ton of weed
>out of blue she says "anon lets have a threesome with max"
>max is a guy but ive seen him at the gym and he has a small cock
>im rolling like a boss also so idgaf and say yes
>she texts him and literally in 20 minutes this nigga is over
>we drink and talk and give him some molly too and the fucking begins
>he puts a condom on and starts fucking her lustily while shes sucking my cock
>i cant get hard cuz i did too much molly but still feels fucking great
>he gets his dick sucked and i try fucking her but still cant get a woody so i just chill and do some more drugs
>he goes back to fuck her doggy and doesnt even put a condom on this time. she doesnt protest.
>he fucks her for 2-3 hours in all positions known to mankind and at one point she has a great idea
>"anon since you cant get hard you should suck him off"
>never tried it before and rolling so good so why not
>suck him off for a few minutes but i cant do it well cuz keep gagging
>i stop cuz it feels a bit gay now
>he goes back to fucking her and nuts inside her
>leaves and she passes out but i stay up for 25 hours cuz i took too much molly and am fapping with a limp cock the entire time.

i once thought i had HPV/genital warts but it was just a skin tag

still didn't stop me from bare-backing three girls

Alpha has been scared off sadly. Guess he wasnt that alpha after all

>>731397222
that's pretty normal... you don't end fucking just cause she has period

>>731409908
fucking get arrested for that shit stupid nigger

>>731410104
still here. just ignoring you. alphas show dominance by often times not responding when talked to.

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>>731410251

>>731410251
KYS

>>731401531
Hillbilly/10
Would not squeal like a pig

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>>731409857

A true hero

>be me
>6'2 and really thick cock
>friend introduces me to tiny 5'0 middle eastern chick
>we hang out at his place drink talk etc
>she clearly wants the D
fast forward 3 hours
>she grabs my cock on the dance floor and says i want it in my mouth now
>we cant get into bathroom
>walk to alley adjacent to club
>tiny fucking alley, maybe 2 meters in width
>pull out throbbing cock and she begins to work
>skullfuck her against the metal mesh fence with the brutality of 1000 nazi protesters
>cock is literally inside her brain matter now
>blow giant load but keep going for a while
>5 minutes later she asks why i stopped
>"i came anonette"
>"oh didnt notice"
>bitch inhaled my cum
>never saw her again
>wonder if shes still alive

>>731402384
I found it easy to masturbate to this

>>731410251
Please will you suck my dick O benevolent god

>3 ish years ago
>26
>Living with girl been together about 2 years
>Lies about bc and gets preggo (fuck condoms so yeah my fault too)
>Stuff it down and stay
>Kids due in like 3-4 months
>Panic
>Decide to separate for a bit
>Old qtEx pops up, skinny and fine
>I'm like 400lbs
>Start hooking up
>Fuck it's money
>Good sex, choke the bitch and she cums every time
>One fuck I decide to get rough
>Don't spread her before pushing in past legs (ass up legs together)
>Okay for a min
>Ow wtf is that feeling?
>Pull dick out, blood
>You on your period? No.
>Look closer
>Ripped my dickskin from forced push past lips
>Oh fuck oh fuck
>Blood blood sting
>Heal, stop talking, got over crisis, happy dad now

Fucking smart times. The real question is why the fuck at 400lbs I got trim pussy, I dunno.

>>731410949
nah but you can suck mine autisic normie faggot
ill even cum in your hair for hairgel if you need

>>731410251
Retard. Showing dominance by not posting on an anonymous image board. Post a pic of yourself. 100 bucks says you have a fedora and samurai sword

>>731409857

so a guy with a small dick fucked you and your gf and you didnt even nut?

>>731410251
Start a new thread nigga and post link here you fucking beta pussy. I can win internet fight with you 100%

>>731399963
Try 5 years for starters

>>731411017
Still aure you arent gay? Still after blowie from random men

>>731410762
you blew down her esophagus not her trachea

>>731411017
Had 1 gay oral sex encounter... it wadnt enugh apparently

>>731411110
yea. true story too. funny in retrospect cuz she gained 100 lbs and is a fucking disgusting landwhale now and the little dick guy just messaged me to ask advice about ring choices for proposing to his asian gf

>>731402818
more like you are an expert in BJJ.

>>731400164
sounds about right buddy.

For some weird reason I couldn't cum the first time I had sex. It's a lot more frustrating than nutting in under a minute.

After I hooked up with her again though things started getting more normal (nutting in under 2 minutes kind of thing)

>>731411421

none of those bodyparts hold brain matter.

learn to fucking read.

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>>731402384
Made my day man

>>731411017
>faggot

You want him to suck your dick. Faggot

>>731400164
My dick didn't get hard one time
so sad 4real

>>731394520
Smells like velvet?

>>731399599
Sounds like fun time anon

>>731401115
triggered
fuck off newfag

Start dating a slut regularly.
Fuck all kinds if ways.
First period comes.
She says fuck me, it helps my cramps.
Fuck her it feels good man.
Juicy.
Dick all bloody and big mess.
Can't wait for her period each month.
Love it.
She seems to totally get off on it.

>>731400164
Least she didn't laugh dood

>>731406139
I fucking keked so hard at that. I mean, that's a perfect synopsis of the story and this retard actually thinks he's alpha?

>>731400537
Kek

>>731412084
Years later flirty with married woman.
She comes to my apartment to fuck.
Says awe fuck, I'm on my period.
I say who gives a fuck and dive in.
Big mess.
She loves it cause I like her on her period.
Juicy.

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>>731402384
brilliant

>>731400680
4/10

>>731401278
Mild kek

>>731412299
I am alpha nigger i said i was curious not gay. Go die impaled on a cock you beta normie basement dweller

>>731401278
>>731412569
Samefag

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>>731402818
Bjj here
would snap you in half faggot

>mfw Aikido

>>731412050

It was. She's a cunt, but I enjoyed that.

>>731412490

On the joke or just my sex life in general? Cause it could go either way...

>>731402384
Solid kek

>>731401679
I drink my own pee.Im really good at handling my fluids

>>731409078
I thought it was a decent story but yes I definitely want to hear more gay rape from delusional retards.

>>731403610
Oh my

>>731397414
Yeah,people wouldn't be scare of herpes if it was call something else like bubble.

>>731404974
laughed very hard man
toppest of kekes

>>731408012
Wow. Not trying to be mean, but why would u cut into your own foreskin.. Like damn.

>>731409311
kek. This is almost becoming screengrab worthy

>>731405082
>kneading her clam
Fuck me anon

>>731404974
Legendary

>>731396251
I would also not kiss her after she sucked me
unfortunately this is just a hypothetical problem

>>731398489
Wait those bubble things that appear in my lip are herpes, i didn't know.I don't have them anymore,but I use to get a lot of those when i was kid took 1 or 2 weeks for them to dissapear

>>731405082
>Kneading her clam

>her pussy smells like velvet
Like the cake?

>>731409857
Awhh man i feel sorry for you. Hope she's not your gf anymore. Seems traumatic.

>>731406669
Kek, mate

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>>731394520

Congrats on finally earning your redwings...I guess

not really a sex story but w/e,
>be me
>be 16
>gf 15
>gf is virgin
>lost mine at 11
>date a lot hang out alot
>grow impatient
>never even kissed yet
>say to her: i think its time for your first kiss
>she agrees
>we touch lips
>the moment we touched her mouth turned into a fucking void
>as if a black hole was pulling at my lips with a force strong enough to destroy an entire galaxy
>try to pull away but the vacuum is too stronge
>tell her wtf
>never kissed before so doesnt know
>what in the fuck is this shit
>give her instructions
proceed to french her for nearly an hour

good times, i have more stories of you guys like, you can choose either gay or fucking tricky

>>731407155
That's great

>>731403780
jesus christ have an original thought. whenever some chucklefuck says that here they gotta spell it the way they saw it on efukt. stop trying so damn hard

I will miss this thread and the big alpha faggot guy

>>731413942
also my de flowering at age 11 is an option

>>731409311
stupid nigger. betas such as yourself only know how to criticize things they don't understand. my fuckpig was a 9/10. a pussy you dont even know exists. and what if some dude sucked me off. still alpha. still alive. still fucking more bitches than you.
have a good day sir.

>>731400346
Rock on my brother.
I have molly sex every month or so with my gf. It's the best thing ever. We usually have sex for 4 or so hours, with cigg breaks as well. Best drug for people who enjoy sex

>>731413942
Well that was gay as fuck

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>>731397752
>Pussy ain't got no face

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>>731413975

>Smellz

Fuckin blow me.

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>>731409311

>>731414027
Hahahahahaha

>>731414027
>have a good day sir.
Tips fedora

>>731414027
U mad

>>731413991
This. Someone make a new thread. This one has almost reach bump limit

>>731414027
>and what if some dude sucked me off

Makes you a faggot

>>731403610
kek

>>731406391
where do they ave that much graffiti SCRATCHED INTO THE BUS WINDOWS??
dOESN'T LOOK LIKE SPIC TOWN?/

RY 4 CAPS 2 LZY 2 RETYP

> Dating 9/10 a few months back
> She was a selfish cunt and wouldnt give me head, but it was whatever because i'm still fucking this hot bitch
> One day shes bitching to me for head so i say okay
> Start eating this bitches pussy
> Shes getting really into it moaning and pulling on my hair
> She says "Anon let me sit on your face"
> 9/10 places this beautiful ass and pussy on my face
> I start licking that pussy like crazy
> "Anon don't stop i'm going to cum"
> I spank her ass really hard as shes about to cum
> She cums
> Squirts cum directly up my nose
> Pussy juice is keeping me from breathing
> Beautiful ass and pussy covering my mouth
> I can't breathe
> She won't move it's been like 30 seconds of pussy juice up my nose
> Fell light headed
> She notices my face is literally turning blue
> Gets off of me and says "Sorry anon"
> mfw i almost suffocated to death over pussy

>>731413111
trips don't lie and i'm startng to feel it aigggh

>>731414027
So angry. A real alpha would

1 no get so angry about 4ch
2 stop talking so tough in such a campy way
3 not call women fuckpigs like a basement dwelling virgin
4 not let random dudes blow them

>be me
>young fledge
>im starving
>scurry around the yard looking for some grain or insects or something
>scuttle my plumage to summon friends
>nothing
>tense my cloaca and shoot projectile shit in no particular direction
>see giant approaching me
>"maybe he has food"
>picks me up and i feel something probing my egg hole
>brutally penetrates me tearing my cloaca
>pounds at me rhythmically
>cry out in pain as i lose consciousness
>im dead

>>731414659
what did it taste like

>>731414744
i do what i want because i can. you are jelly because you never even had the choice. to be approached by faggots you have to look damn good first of all. trust me i do. i have a 6 pack and can deadlift 320lbs.

>>731415107
Not that guy but every pussy ive ever gone down on has tasted different

>>731412961
MAYBE HE'S BETTER AT BBBJ???

>>731415134
But your punches cant even stop a guy from getting your dick out and sucking you off

>>731394520
Legendary. Screen-capping this.

It's hard to describe, It wasn't like some nasty pussy i've had before, it was one of those pussies where you glide your tongue on it and it was wet like a melted butter stick. This bitch didn't really have any taste to her cunt

>>731415134
Thanks for the tips on picking up fags souns like you are pretty successful with them

>>731394520

fuck you for actually using the word "lowkey".

>>731415321

see >>731405901

>>731395949
ur so fucking retarded

>>731415485
whats wrong with lowkey? i actually learned it from her... :( cant use it without thinking of her. i miss the fuck out of her. she ended up ditching me like wilted lettuce.