>Every human being is assigned an object at birth to carry

Armed Hand Grenade

A dildo

toilet brush

Bowling ball

>>731318756
A spare smartphone

6 person tent.

>>731318756
I dont like that. Change it.

>>731318856
toilet plunger

SJW opinions

M240b

Hmmmm. A spare key

>>731318463
>When requested they must provide their object for public assistance

Staffed glory hole.

>>731318856
>>731318911
dubs as well mate, enjoy the toilets.

A flash drive full of child porn

Handgun

>>731319015
I guess you'd have to carry around a small cubicle on wheels

Toe nail clippers

>>731318911
No change it, my life is more than toilets

>>731318463
a fuck

Three dragon dildos

the box set of The Sopranos on blu ray

>>731318463
an 8 foot tripod

four dragon dildoes

>>731319088
A cubicle in addition to a set of PURDY FAGGOT LIPS

>>731319192
whoops, i dont know where i left it

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>>731318463
Toilet Paper

a full grown nigger

A sticky fleshlight

five dragon dildos

>>731319297
you lost your life object?

>Execution

An acoustic guitar, so just avoid those shitty hipster areas and this is easy.

>>731319168
Toilet auger

Box with 10 1.44 disks.

a horse

A gallon of olive oil

5 gallon bucket full of water

200 pound weight

High-tech Video and Audio Recording Camcorder with Advanced Built In User Interface with Internet Compatibility.

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>>731319444
cunt auger is better

>>731318463
copy of the bee movie

Penis

Toilet seat

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>>731319168
>>731319444
First dubs then trips. Toilet for you

A broken Vacuum cleaner

Portable bidet

a to-scale model of the human digestive system

>>731319702
A T.V

>>731319730
at least it has wheels

Or are the wheels the bit that's broken?

>>731319815
Imbecile

Water bong ^ enjoy

Give me an object /b/ros

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>>731319866
>>731319899
>>731319799
Check at this bros

A mildly accurate replica of an ironclad at 1:72 scale

Anal beads

An inhaler (I'm a good guy :])

>>731318463
a machete

A sledgehammer

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>>731319899
Is there an earth bong?
A fire bong?
A wind bong?

What are the other elebongs?

>>731320002
Check the trips

An anvil

a photo of jesus

Half a parrot

>>731320146
A sandwich

one hundred ketchup packets

a human appendix

>>731320071
Belive or not there are bongs which uses air pressure to concentrate smoke but never use water as filter those are waterfall "bongs" regular bong is water bong ..

>>731319636
copy of Seinfeld.

>>731318463
A white slave

A desert eagle .50 AE

>>731318463
a rocket launcher

Whoopie cushion.

A living, healthy, sane, working girlfriend who puts out.

Matchbook

A backpack full of pretzels

a giant canister of nitrous oxide and face masks

>>731320399
>Always keeps it in his back pocket for emergency laughs

The twin towers

>>731320252
wont it go bad before its needed or it'd be eaten really quickly

eh either way i win haha

>>731320346
Yo bro just lend me that eagle ..
>> shoot a nigga
Yep thanks :)
>> walk away no fingerprints

A pair of Bluetooth headphones
>tfw you realize there could be an alternate universe where people actually have to carry this shit

>>731320488
yeeet twin digits and twin towers, would insure them 2 weeks before (((terrorists))) attack

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box of caffeine pills

Deez nuts.

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>>731318463
Hand grenade. Without the pin in it tho. Good luck bby

Bowling ball + set of bowling pins

>>731320577
twin towers get destroyed

>Execution

prostate stimulator

A paperback copy of Lolita by Vlad Nabokav

Honduras

a mirror

A bike with flat tires

Every holy book on a kindle; complete Torah, Qur'an, Bible, Baghvad-Gita, etc., in every language

>>731318463

An Abrams a1 tank

>>731320715
>paperback
that's gonna be a bitch when the cover starts wearing after a few years

1000s of condoms and you have to wear a shirt that say condom guy and and and if the person requesting condoms is disabled or lazy you have to put it on with your mouth.

dont worry your condom supply will be refilled monthly

The Jaws of Life

A copy of the communist manifesto and a copy of mein kampf

Vape pen

A hollow point bullet.

Crippling depression ;)

A loli calender

Couch

>>731318463
raw meat

for the rest of your life as it rots away in your hand

Handcuffs (ones meant for detainment, not sex)

>>731320893
Who the fuck is going to need the Communist manifesto

>>731320871
sweet id cut all kinds a shit in half lol now i have two quiet gfs

>>731320559
>tfw you realize there could ben an alternate universe where people actually have to carry this shit
And there'd be a universe where Toilet Anon is in a reality TV show.
There'd be another universe where Toilet Anon is in a movie where he proves to the world that his life is more than toilets, and it shows his struggle, and eventually, his victory; it also been nominated for, and won, many awards. The cast is a dream team, the crew is a super crew, top notch acting, perfect directing, a work of art.

>>731320926
>>731320929
lol, now that's funny.

One 32 oz. jar filled with SKUB

A file of nuclear launch codes

A briefcase full of USD $1,000,000

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The Mona Lisa

Not a copy, the actual fucking painting.

Permanently kept awake at night by the Japanese tourists breaking into your house to take pics.

>>731321022
just you bitch

>>731320597
I do, in fact, already carry caffeine pills everywhere I go.

>>731321107
Iwanttobelieve.png

>>731318463
A good sturdy sharp knife. You're welcome.

i want to be marissa's little baby tampon boy. i want to turn into a little crying baby and then suck on her breasts. her magic breast milk would turn me into a little baby tampon boy. she would stick her hoo-hoo and i would wait with anticipation spouting little baby goo-goo ga-gas waiting for her to bleed all over me. i want to feel her marissa blood inside my little goo-goo ga-ga baby tampon body. i want to absorb her hoo-hoo juies inside my little baby tampon boy body and goo-goo ga-ga like a little rolly-polly baby boy. it would be orgasmic to know i am one with her hoo-hoo marissa blood and i would giggle and goo-goo ga-ga and yelp with little baby boy excitement as i roll around in her marissa hoo-hoo and revel in her red juices, slurping them into my soft little baby tampon boy goo-goo ga-ga body. then i want her to pull me out and squeeze and wring my little baby tampon boy body so that her marissa hoo-hoo blood and juices spill all over her marissa face. it would hurt and i would scream in pained goo-goo ga-gas as pain envelops my little baby tampon boy body until i reach full climax and turn back into grown human man.

prosthetic testicle

>>731321409
this person is officially exempt from the game as they obviously have too many problems to deal with already.

A burlap sack full of cotton balls. Packed very densely to the point where he weight is noticeable. The bag has to be a foot taller and three feet wider than it's bearer.

The archive of all UTV posts because they are all so witty and clever

>>731321521
Which means I carry a prosthetic testicle around. Thanks. This post is also exempt.

A wallet with old family pictures, the family in the pictures is not yours

>>731318463
is this all fixed, like a physical unbreakable law or is it just kinda enforced?

if you lose your object do you die?

DNA of an extinct species of giant scorpion in a vial

A head massage /wood/metal thing device with the handle

A list which shows which objects everyone is supposed to be carrying.

>>731320071
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtqa7novlug

>>731321813
see
>>731320671
>>731319400

A cheese grater

>>731318463

The Holy fucking Bible

miniature vibrating buttplug

>>731321917
nice

everyone else's objects

An AK-47 (not an AKM!)

Bad advice

A Bluetooth mouse

>>731322051
how long until you just stopped carrying it in your pocket?

A copy of the 1995 movie Hackers on VHS.

>>731320900

that's just cruel

>>731320436
>When requested they must provide their object for public assistance.
You sure about that?

An invisible ink pen

A minidisk player

An unpotted cactus

>>731322276
filthy cucks are everywhere mate

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>>731318463
Great sword

Anal bleaching kit

A fidget cube

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>>731318463
A moby huge

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>>731319033
Kek goddamn. I was gonna say a cell phone charger but you took it up a notch

>quick! We need a flash drive of child porn to help save this cancer patient


Also check

a whore

A bottle of laundry detergent

a car

>>731320210

is it resting?

>>731318463
A phone because that's already constantly on me anyways

A newborn German Shepard

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>>731322405
A not so great sword

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>>731319033

A used condom incase I need to frame someone for rape

sex doll

Hitler

>>731322579
it is dead. Deceased. Passed on. Kicked the bucket. It has ceased to be.

>>731318463
a lint roller

small vial of cum

>>731318463
A lightbulb.

A piece of gum

>>731321020
>meant for detainment, not sex
Those aren't mutually exclusive fambles.

A box of matches

>>731320210
The other half of his parrot

A gender

>>731322777
A paperback copy of 'The Trial' by Franz Kafka.

>>731318463
Litter box

My fedora of course

>>731322405
No doubt wielded by some freakishly huge German dude who ate entire cows and drank barrels of beer.

A hardback copy of Mein Kampf

Anthrax

>731322884
If handcuffs left for detainment Aden used for sex for more than 20-30 minutes, the handcuffed person would start feeling pain due to wrist strain.

>>731323100
The cure for anthrax

A diary for all my feelings and thoughts

An allen wrench

hammer

>>731323229
Nobodies gonna need that anon

>>731323190
An incurable form of anthrax

A door

A portable cell phone charger.

anal lubricant

I'd have an excuse to go to some fun places

>>731323229
>someone else carries around a book with all your deepest secrets and has to offer it to the public upon request

No

A copy of any album by the band Anthrax.

>>731323332
So close

>>731322850
This is a LATE Parrot!

>>731323332
Incurable anthrax eating rats.

>>731323091
i already carry a mein kampf with me though

A loaded handgun.

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>>731323335
become rudy

>>731323088

almost: he was dutch

>>731318463
Pickeled onion

The ashes of Anne Frank

a massive double headed dildo

flashlight

>>731323332
>>731323459
the only incurable form of anthrax

>>731323459
Anthrax is pretty legit brosephine.

The hacker 4chan

A pocket pussy

Anthrax beta

a butter churner

A flash drive with a video of Ann Coulter, Milo Yiannopoulos and Rachael Maddow having a three way.

10 gallon jerry can of gasoline for you, fuccboi! ^

A sock

>>731318463
Calculator

terrorist bomb

A functional cane that is also a functional sword.

a bucket of blood

>>731323880
11 gallon jerry can of gasoline for you, faggboi

>>731323903
>In alternate universe Apollo 13 mission
Still saves the day

A brown colored pencil

a 10 inch dildo that when gets heated even by the contact of human flesh, starts vibrating and singing christian metal

>>731324030
a white pencil

a friend

An iPod

>>731318463
Original sin

Issue 29 of the naruto manga

>>731324137
a zune

The original 10 commandments

The entire album of the Backstreet Boys, however inside of it is a collection of my Bigfoot photos which may or may not be pictures of you.

>>731324009
A 20 gallon jerry can of mercury cuckboi!^

the penis of a jew

an anvil

life size cutout of Shaq

Liquid nitrogen

A battery operated blender full of gravel, but the blender is defective and turns on randomly.

an aborted fetus

>>731324157
Reading the entire series requires 47 different travel visas, 6 months of travelling and an offering for each of the keepers of the Naruto shrines.

Once completed it is said that man finally understands true disappointment.

>>731324223
A 1000 gallon jerry can of sulfuric acid for you, cuntshitbagboi

A smaller, more sarcastic, version of yourself.

a starving Nig-Nog kid

A condom

A wall around mexico

A 9 volt battery.

a greasy fried chicken

A 12 volt battery.

A USB with a full-length, earrape version of the movie Failure to Launch on it

A hard shell taco

A bobby pin

A soft shell taco

>>731324718
never get stuck in prison

A noose

>>731324718
Thanks /b/ro.

>>731318463
A 9mo abortion

>>731318463
A 1,000,000,000 ton shipping container filled with embarrassing things you don't wanna be seen with. OP said you gotta carry it with you for the rest of your life.

a gingerbread house

A life

a copy of the lion king on VHS

An M80

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plz boss

A picture of your mom soul kissing Angelina Jolie.

a dog made out of wood and human hair

One Roman denarius

a bag of water.

>>731322233
about 5 minutes

Shoe0nHead's wage gap button

>>731318463
pen or lighter

A 50 pound bag of cement

A four foot tall nude wooden carving of steve buscemi

A robot that can solve captcha

Suicide vest with deadmans trigger that requires a fingerprint so you can't tape it or cheat.

>>731318463
A bleating goat

About three fifty

pornography of your sister

A satanic bible

An immortal capybara

the physical manefestation of the burdens of an entire peoples

A real life version of the Penetrator from Saints Row 3

>>731325282
It's just called the bible

a vial of ant pheromones

>>731325249
>taping your clenched fist around the trigger, tying your wrist off and severing your hand then embalming it

>>731318463
The Mexican Flag

weed

Great White Shark.

>>731325273
Aha! But I dont have a sister!
C H E C K M A T E

A 4 gallon jug of lube

>>731325482
Then your mom

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>>731325362
nice and a head of a goat

Placenta

>>731325362
Who going to need ant pheromones?

your mothers basment

the real declaration of independence and a copy of all amendments to the constitution, but not the constitution itself

1 kilogram of feathers

>>731325602
ants

The national debt.

>>731325353
>they don't know what satanism is

A small box of gears kept guard by an irritable mouse in a silken vest

>>731325636
I wonder where you're from

An axe. A small hatchet if you will

>>731318463
A nail file

>>731325578
A giant white sign that reads
"I HATE NIGGERS"

>>731325535
T O O
L A T E
S U N S H I N E

>>731318463
A set of dentures

>>731325753
fuck yeah

A contact lens

>>731325783
Then of you

>>731325731
>Not getting the joke

>>731325727
so you wouldn't carry around anything. that's an absence of something you daft cunt trying to be clever and PC edgy

A bottle rocket

a burlap bag filled with 5,000 marbles

>>731325888
clearly this man carries trips

>>731318463
An Extremely Gay Man, he's your hidden twin somewhere inside your body.

>>731325999
clearly this man also carries trips

>>731325999
as do you

>>731325999
So do you, checked'em for ya

a ladder made of pens and a pen made of ladders

so many tiny ladders

Catchers mitt

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An original copy of Xenoblade Chronicles for the Nintendo Wii.

A stingray in an aquarium on a cart

44 gallon drum of lube

a pocket full of shells..

>>731325888
I will take it

A theme tune.

>>731318463
Life sized elephant plushy

alot of crack