I'm going to MEPS this week for a medical screening, so

>>730957277
That youre attracted to men and you are not sure if it would impact you negatively in the military being surrounded by men all the time. That you have sexual thoughts constantly about being fucked in the ass by a strong military man and fantasize about sucking cock 24/7. And that we live in the matrix , computer simulation made you gay.

Do your time, don't do anything illegal, save money, don't get married, take as many college classes as possible, don't be a faggot "feel sorry for me veteran."

Lastly, seeing a dead body or hearing explosions doesnt give you PTSD. Man the fuck up and don't try to milk taxpayers of money bc you want a 100% disability rating.

>>730957632
>half the military

Tell them you watch Alex Jones and read Breitbart

>>730957277
good luck...even the most disabled make it through MEPS

>>730957632
>>730957877
That shit will get you a sign on bonus in certain career fields.


Just tell them you post on /b/ with anonymous and once used a xss to send someone to tubgirl. Computer crimes will instantly fuck your clearance.

>>730957877
I'm pretty sure that my recruiter does that, so I don't think it would be a problem. He went on a rant about refugees and welfare the other day

As soon as you get out and start using that GI bill for school, it all seems worth it.

I have prolapsed rectum and can't lift more than 5 kilos

"I'm a proud gay atheist and I want to become an ISIS suicide bomber in NYC."

>>730958164
Yeah, a lot of people have told me that. I'm just nervous about getting a dishonorable discharge from because of some of the random stuff that happened when I was younger. I don't want to get a falsified entry discharge or whatever it is and be fucked for life

>>730958331
shii... that near miss!

>>730957277
Smoke some weed

>>730957277
Tell your mum to go fuck herself OP. Not worth getting your ass blown up. So many career paths that are so much better

Make sure you tell them you don't believe in god and hate terrorists

>>730958331
Can you force yourself to have a prolapsed rectum? I might try because this seems like it would provide the best entertainment value later in the week

Don't lie, just tell them that you don't want to join.
Don't give a shit what your mother says, a military of volunteers is far more effective than a military of conscripts.
Don't join unless you want to. Being forced to join while we have no need for conscription is an insult to the sacrifices our troops gave to do the job that others don't want to do.

>>730957277
tell them you have chronic faggotry.

>>730957277

I deal with MEPS every day. Lol, they're gonna fuck your packet up so bad then call me for help xD

Honestly, if you're old enough to join the armed services and still have issues with "My Mom is making me" just sign up and let someone else tell you what to do for the next 4 years. Who knows, you might even potentially man the fuck up over that period of time.

>>730957794

Every ex military person I know tries this. I have no respect for most of them because they're trying to game the system

>>730957277
Narrow Urethra

>>730959730

You can go to boot camp at 16 bruh.

>>730957277
Tell them you want to kill yourself

Compulsive masturbator

asthma... there you go cant join with it.

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Just be straight forward about it, if they disqualify you for medical shit after so much then it might be better that way.

Also, what are you afraid of? It's the simpliest shitty job you could ever find and you get a kilometric shitton of benefits. By the way, use them when you can.

>>730957877
>>730958157
>>730957993
>>730958157
>>730958331
>>730958467
Shit daug.

>>730959896
DEP is not the military.

>>730959730
Thread

>>730957277
I hope you lose a leg or something and can guilt trip your mom for the rest of her life.

>>730959730
>>730959896
Yeah, it's a parental consent thing that she did. She basically filled out the packet for me and told me that I could join now because she doesn't think that I'll be able to afford college

>>730959730
Didn't wanted to be that guy, but this fucker is right either way.

If you have some issue because of "Being told" to do something then I have some bad news for you.

I'm going to bootcamp in June. Don't be a pussy ya bitch.

>>730960014
Easiest job ever.. speak for yourself

>>730960015
I read that I can leave the DEP at any time, but I'm worried that it would have an effect on college applications/jobs in the future

The aids

>>730957277
"FUCK YOU NIGGER APE!!!!!!!!!!!"

>>730957277
Don't join the military if you don't want to. Fuck what your mom says. The military can be a great experience, and for some it leads to future success, but only for the ones who join because they want to with a plan. If you join without any desire or any plan for your future after you get out you are going to wind up a washed up veteran with PTSD and no relevant job skills back home.

>>730960368
Youre not in until you are at meps, sign your contract and swear in.

>>730960147
>she doesnt think that i'll be able to afford college
wow your mom is a piece of shit. parents are supposed to pay for at least part of their kids education, not send them on their way out into the real world once high school ends.

>>730960014
I'm not afraid per se, but I'm worried that I'll fuck up and then not get an honorable discharge. I don't want to join and then be one of those vets that can't live a regular civilian life. I don't mean to sound disrespectful if I'm coming off that way. I just don't want to be in the military until I die so to speak

>>730960147
Haha, well shit. Still, if she's shipping you off anyway, might as well make it on your own terms. If you don't want to do something don't let anyone force your hand. Especially when it comes to fucking with your future. Get job, move out, grow up. Or just fuck everything up along the way and prove your mother right. Couldn't even get into the military...

>>730960555
Wasted roll

>>730960147
Do you want to go college? Because most of it is a meme right now.

Do you wanna hear your mom for the rest of her life? Because you are going down that road and she doesn't seem the kind of mom to like the idea of Good Boy Points.

Life decissions are made with your brain.

>>730960555
oh shit

>>730960681
You are a fucking idiot. If you are already thinking about getting out before you're in DON'T GET IN. Jesus Christ you're stupid. You think your moms disappointment is worse than bullets up your ass? Guess what, it's fucking not.

I'm finishing my enlistment here in a couple of months. it's really hard to fired and kicked out from the military. as long as you don't do anything illegal, you're pretty much guaranteed an honorable discharge.

>>730960555
>>730960866
Neither of my parents are paying for my college and I'm making it through just fine.

>>730960361
I stated the simplest, not easiest.

>Wake up
>Go to work
>Work government hours
>Disregard ladies
>Get paid

Now don't get me wrong, I hate my Sargeant. But there is great benefit on being an Officer and having the benefit of telling him to fuck off.

>>730957277

ANTIFA DETECTED

>>730961076
But Anon is a low functioning autist.
Not everyone is as great as you, Chad.

>>730957277
Join, it's good for you
You won't regret it

>>730961076
but did they try to force you to join the military because they couldnt have been bothered to start saving to help your future and give you as many opportunities as possible as soon as they found out they were pregnant?

>>730959770

The system games us already. The pentagon misplaced 7 TRILLION DOLLARS already in the last 20 years. Fuck this gay system and judging people who abuse it. When I was younger and freshly indoctrinated by the "education" system I would have agreed with you 100%, but the more truth you learn about the system, the more IDGAF. Example, most bike "gangs" are ex military men just looking for adventure and comraderie, but the news paints them all as bad and scares people.

Military, college, are you drunk do you know how this world works? Get a fucking factory job and learn to love it

>>730960681
>I'm worried that I'll fuck up
First, everybody fucks up sooner or later. And the stupid fucks that get 'Traumatized' are stupid fuckers that joined expecting a fun time shooting and blowing shit up.

I mean, come the fuck on, you got a huge fucking load of jobs to choose that aren't being a freaking bullet sponge or medic.

>>730961076
Just go in there stoned and smelling of weed.. Job done.

>>730961193
>i'm an O-2, so that means i can tell an SNCO to fuck off
please don't be one of these officers

>>730957277
Say that you're only eighteen, have a ruptured spleen, and have to carry a purse. Also that your feet are flat, you're blind as a bat, and your eyesight's getting worse.

>>730961508
>learn to love a factory job
lol

>>730961676
Failing a federal drug test is really bad though isn't it? Doesn't it pop up on background checks and stuff like that?

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>>730961508
>Get a fucking factory job and learn to love it

Yeah, right.

How do you think I ended up in the military in the first place?

>>730960555
Someone should inform my parents about this.

>>730961717
Dude I'm not stupid enough to actually do that. But I do piss him off intentionally from time to time.

The downside is that the corps are the ones getting shit for it and pay for my sins, but I feel them and try not to do it regularly.

>>730957794
Amen

>>730957277
Tell them your mother is forcing you and that you want to join to just murder babies

Cut off a couple fingers. They won't take an already disabled person.

>>730962212
if they couldnt be bothered to save for your future then they are irresponsible parents.

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>>730962359
Do it faggot.

>>730957277
smoke weed.
a positive piss test will get you kicked out.

>>730957277
Hey man, you know what the military DOESN'T need? More people that don't want to be there. Your mother is a selfish whore if she's telling you to join for no reason other than to better yourself. Self-centered shitlords are the number one reason the quality of our military has dropped so significantly. So tell them the truth - that you don't want to be there and that you're there under pressure from your parents. Do not lie to the government. Nobody wins.

Tell your mother you're not going

>>730957277
Mother is forcing you?

Cmon its voluntary

Tell her where to go douche

Military sucks ass

>>730961676
Thats kind of my point. It's easy to go to college. Money isn't really any excuse these days to not go if you want to.

>>730962471
Beacuse everyone with kids makes enough money to be able to save money right?

New flash bud, having kids is fucking expensive.

>>730962563
To be fair, some sargeants tend to be fucking assholes and stupid as a rock. Because of those fucks everybody gets pissed and fed up with their already shit job.

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MEPS MEPS

>>730957277
http://www.military.com/join-armed-forces/disqualifiers-medical-conditions.html

>>730962471
15 year old detected, fuck off you fucking spastic.

>>730957277
Say you're a gay faggot who can't control your emotions.

>>730962671
news flash, there are a lot of irresponsible parents, and just irresponsible people in general in the world.

>>730957277
OP

If you haven't yet,
>watch this video
>all the way through
>tl;dr, I know
>IT IS VERY IMPORTANT & RELEVANT

https://youtu.be/_8NrtPH3HR0

You will thank me.

>>730957277
Military is usually not worth it. Take out a loan and go to college. You'll definitely get financial aid if you are poor.

>>730963080
So if you are poor you are irresponsible?

>>730962835
I technically meet one of these. I'm on a retinoid for acne, so I guess that will give me eight weeks

>>730957277
take the airborne contract, don't be a dirty fucking leg.

>>730963276
yea if you have kids you cant afford to take care of. that is irresponsible, regardless of whether you are compassionate and forgiving about it.

>>730957277
>. I don't really want to join, but my mother is forcing me to go because she sees it as my path to a better life
>but my mother is forcing me to go because she sees it as my path to a better life.
Lmao pathetic!

>>730963276
Not him, but it depends, if you are poor and have a shitload of children you are an irresponsible piece of shit.

If you are poor and yet can't give enough of a shit to feed your children then you are a piece of shit too.

But simply being poor doesn't make you an irresponsible, just a bad planner.

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I'll tell you what I told the waiter that brought me pancakes...thank's for your service!

>>730963384
You should like a faggot kid that grew up wealthy.

>>730963635
I am the guy he replied to and I agree with this.

>>730960681
Do, wtf will you do if you don't join?

To be honest, you would come out a better person, and you will definitely get laid more. No faggot, with girls.

>>730963684
I did have responsible parents, yes. very responsible.

>>730963915
if he comes back disabled then he's coming out a worse person.

>>730963915
I want to study accounting in college and eventually become a CPA

>>730963934
Ok. This makes sense now. You just don't know how to work for anything, you just get handed shit.

>>730964014
Let me know what life is like in your bubble.

>>730957794
>don't try to milk taxpayers of money
>exactly what joining the military does

>>730964080
So join up, do your time, learn a specialty and then, on the back end, take advantage if GI bill for college.

Don't let fear of unknown paralyze you.

>>730957794
Tell me this, have you been in war?

>>730964014
That if he enlist in a combatant role, which is pretty fucking stupid in my opinion, but everyone their own I guess.

>>730964080
Tell that straighforward to the recruiter, if you really want it you might have to wait for a spot to open in that position.

Don't accept 'General' anything on your contract, make the everything specific, if it's not written you'll get pruned later on.

>>730964361
You're slightly retarded, aren't you.

>>730964514
Good advice. View the recruiter as a used car salesman and review the contract.

>>730957277
Don't do it man, I wad enlisted for Marines and jumped ship just before shipping out to basic. Don't ship out, man. As for what you should say, Vertigo and migraines are an instant boot out, as well as severe depression, suicidal thoughts, psychosis, etc.

>>730964451
lol no i'm not retarded or poor.

Just go. The military has been watered down enough that it's really not any different than working a full time job once basic is over with. You'll make some money and be able to put your mom behind you for good.

>>730964807
What are you doing now?

>>730957277
https://youtu.be/3PLmGPeLsJY

>>730964173
Like 80% of millenials, your point being?

And it's not like this was unexpected, throughout history every great civilization with prolonged peace suffers stagnation and degeneration.

>>730964361
Military pay taxes too fucker. The issue here is the stupid fucks that get out and still want handouts, like really nigger?

>>730964850
Just an idiot

>>730957277
tell them you've done LSD, they'll never be able to accept you on account of the flashbacks

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>>730964807
>I wad enlisted for Marines
>jumped ship just before shipping out to basic
>severe depression, suicidal thoughts, psychosis

>Enlisted
>Didn't do shit

Yeah, no. You are a cunt, a weak cunt at that, and should kill yourself.

>>730964956
Do you really think most people born after '85 grew up wealthy? God damn you are more delusional then I thought.

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I ate a rifle in basic

>>730964890
College, part-time work. Working towards a major in physics, trying as hard as possible to become a theoretical physicist.

>>730964451
Well you can fuck off then

argument invalid then

Tell them you're still not over your time in 'Nam.

>>730964514
Yeah, a lot of people have told me that if it's not in writing that they will screw me on it later. My uncle said you have to be a dick sometimes because they will act like they have to rewrite the entire contract just to add one thing

>>730965228
hopefully you understand a major in physics isnt going to get you a job.

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>>730964807
THIS

migraines are something they can't test for or disprove. And lying about migraine isn't something that can come back to haunt you/fuck you later. Read up on them, familiarize yourself with the symptoms and varieties, and variations.

>>730965182
Is that what you tell yourself in mirror, anon? Is that what your buzzcut head, brainwashed little pea-sized brain tells you to say to yourself when you see yourself crying?

>>730965287
True. They don't own you until you sign. Before you sign is when you play hardball.

But if it's not in the contract it doesn't exist.

>>730965343
It will on a nuclear powered sub. You don't go from flipping burgers to subs.

>>730965343
I'm trying to go into the scientific field, so I know it'll take a while of schooling before I even break into the actual scene.

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>>730965228
>Not studying applied physics
>Not studying engineerings

>>730957277
Car accident. Back pain. Can't stand for more than two minutes and can't run for more than a minute without crippling pain. Just sneak that in and say "but I really want to try hard and get past all that for my country" or some shit.

>>730965366
I've had a migraine before. It was about a year ago. My head hurt so bad that I threw up. It was the strangest feeling I've ever had

>>730960681

Then don't join you idiot.

Just state your medical problems right away. If they resurface and you're ever hospitalized and they do some digging into your records and find out you lied, you'll get that dishonorable discharge and they might even imprison you. Be honest during the medical. if you want in, being honest can get you a waiver a lot of times. If you don't want to join, its simple don't fucking join.

No one can force you to join and if your mother is being such a bitch about it move out and grow the fuck up.

>>730965228
Unless you go to MIT or Caltech your future is most likely lab assistant

>>730965752
True. You are signing a contract.

>>730965563
nor do you go from a bachelors degree in science to the workforce, besides washing lab equipment or making coffee.

>>730965687
Fuck off, engineer fag.

Tell them to suck a greyhound's funky ass.

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>>730964807
Some kinds of migraines can actually be fun. If you point this out, it will seem less like a faggoty excuse (which it technically is)

Best way to get disqualified is the following: at meps you have to duck walk. Pull your dick out and scream "my pp my pp"

>>730965590
Everybody and their mom is in the scientific field shitlord.

What do you think are the kilometric shitton of Thesis that are made everyday about?

If you serious about doing something worth for science use the scientific method correctly and write your results truthfully. And stop making and recognizing as Thesis subjects like 'The Shit from my Dyarrea is useful for rusting metals' or stupid shit like that.

If there is no useful information then it's not a damn scientific thesis.

>>730965772
Even that's not too bad for a while.

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>>730965974
Kill yourself theorist scum.

>>730959976
I knew a guy who got discharged for this. He fapped pretty much constantly. It was crazy.

>>730966036
Optical migraines sound trippy as fuck

>>730966390
thats hilarious. give us a quick story if you have one.

That is actually a really good point.

You are signing a contract. With the government. They are not the most forgiving when it comes to lying.

>>730966390
Greentext? This deserves a greentext.

>>730966304
Nigga, lurk more. I said theoretical physics.

Plenty of faggot feel sorry for me vets out there. Don't be like that. Don't game the system and try to get 100% disability.

No one owes you anything when you get out. Don't guilt trip celebrities to go out on dates and don't get carried away if the NFL tries to jerk you off with free tickets.

>>730966390
What kind of discharge would that be? Did if have something to do with looking at porn while working? I don't know if I could tell the doctor that with a straight face

>>730960555
wow I wish my parents were like yours

>>730966378
Only if you calculate how much force you need for a horse cock in your ass to actually kill you, you common fucking shitstain.

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>>730965752
However, no amount of digging will either prove or disprove that you are subject to migraines. At most they could find out if you've ever had medical treatment for them.

>>730965737
Sorry to hear of this, /b/ro.
However you're lucky if you've only ever had one.

OTOH, if it never happens again, it (might) not have been a migraine, in which case you're even luckier. Otherwise.... try this:

>>730966625
116 lb/ft

>>730966621
>what kind of discharge would that be?
semen.

>>730966739
Kek

>>730957277

I joined 3 years ago. my life is 10x better.

that being said, most of my colleagues waste their money on alcohol, buy cars/guitars/tvs/shit they dont need, drink to excess, are either cringe-worthy autists or aimless hedonists, and overall a bunch of degenerates. literally watching marriages fall apart left and right. 18 year olds have more money than they've ever had in their life and spend a months of wages in a week for an iphone and rum.

One of my mates finally got his own place (apartment). He gets a dog, he's never there, and the dog pisses and shits everywhere. then he comes home, drinks until he's angry, and beats the dog. His lease ended last month and he had to pay $1,000 in damages because the place was totally ruined.

Embarrassing when they abuse their bodies from vaping/smoking/drinking and walk around with their beer guts and then everyone sees fat people in uniform and our "nations heroes" look like packets of mayo.

tl;dr

military is good, teaches you things. save your money, don't drink too much, and enjoy it.

>>730966739
Then fucking test it, at least you can easily prove your theories.

FUCK YOU PIECE OF NIGGER SHIT!!!!!!!!

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>>730957277
tell the doctor you regularly sniff paint thinner. When he looks at you funny tell him it allows you to transcend reality, gain cosmic powers and that you think these skills can help the military.

>>730966852
Somebody forgot to take their Ritalin today

Aren't you the angry little man

>>730966452
>>730966507
>>730966621
He apparently got out during BCT (so he wouldn't have had access to porn). We weren't in training together or anything. I only know what he told me, that he started jacking off every chance he got in a bid to get kicked out. Probably got an ELS but I was too shocked to ask.

>>730966547
This.

"Hurr durr, kills sand niggers"
"These colors don't run"
"Muh, rights! American Patriot."

::Indirect fire::

"I can't sleep"
"Dead kids"
"Imma beat muh waifu"

$4000+ tax free for life

This is America

>>730966702

Anything that's on file, hospital visits etc you're supposed to state. At times they disqualify you other times you get wavers. If the OP really wants out then just state everything including migraines and excessive masturbation. They'll disqualify him instantly.

I really advise against lying to get in since you know it is a felony.

>>730966977
Pills are for the weak minded.

>>730957277
if you're old enough to join the military, you're old enough to tell your mom to fuck off and do whatever you want. quit being a pussy.

>>730967058
Uhh, that's kinda what I was implying about you, Einstein.

You're fucking quick, bro! Don't believe when they tell you differently.

>>730966852
Some other fucker already did in a medical study about anus and prolapses. My bet is that it was a /b/tard.

Let me try to sauce it though, don't really remember where is at.

>>730957277
Sergeant Cowboy: (after Hand Job is killed) Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
Sergeant Joker: What was the matter with him?
Sergeant Cowboy: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Sergeant Eightball: No shit. At least ten times a day.
Sergeant Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

>>730967051
I had a seizure when I was younger, and I was diagnosed with Acid Reflux when I was 12. I was hospitalized for the seizure and for the endoscopy for the Reflux. I didn't mean to lie about those. I honestly forgot because I never think about them. I asked my mom if I had ever been to the hospital and she told me. She also said that I need to listen to my recruiter though

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>>730966420
Totally.

Only downside is they frequently (not always) are followed by headache.

>>730967234
You assumed I take pills, jackass. Clearly, you can't own up to your mistakes and your miscalculations.

>>730957277
Dubs: sexy you tells Sgt. you want to masturbate every morning in the showers. That's your only condition, that and the medical MJ, thing.

Ask for golden showers, for a treat.

>>730967527
Wait for it....

You'll get the insult in a few.

>>730957277
>medical issues that my recruiter told me to lie about basically
Make sure you tell them about this. That will fuck that scumbag's career. Recruiters lie like motherfuckers to make their quota and recruit people that they know shouldn't make it in. Fuck them.

>>730967051
We're talking about lying to AVOID getting in.

>>730967442
Then no need to lie.
Lots of different things can trigger seizures, but nearly all of them should earn you a nice fat DQ.

Curiously, some of the symptoms of migraine *can* resemble certain types of seizure. But it doesn't matter. Explain that you've had a seizure, and your app will be dutifully filed in the round file. Unless you beg and plead them to take you, and try to get testing done to rule out the more serious seizure-inducing conditions.

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>>730967703
This gotta be a joke.... This guy is a hero.

>>730968031
I may be crazy, but at least I'm not insane

>>730967703
A guy I met at the recruiter's office told me that he was joining because he got a girl pregnant and he wouldn't have to raise the kid if he went to basic before the kid was born

>>730960055

this. go on in, step on an ied, make sure your mom knows it was her fault

>>730967442

State everything! The seizure alone can get you disqualified. If they find out anything about your history be it medical or criminal after you're already sworn in shit can go real bad for you. You're signing a a legally binding contract with the military and its a felony to lie. You can get fined or imprisoned for up to 3 years depending on the seriousness since its a fraudulent entry.

>She also said that I need to listen to my recruiter though

And LMFAO do not listen to the fucking recruiter, their job is to get you in period that's it. They don't give a fuck if you get a dishonorable discharge and end up with a fucked record and a RE4 because they told you to lie. Their job is to hit recruitment numbers that's it. They don't give a fuck about you. I have heard way too many fucking stories from fucking boots who were told by recruiters they would be snipers or fucking spec ops and end up scraping paint. Fuck that recruiter for telling you to lie.

>>730968149
I know that I can tell the truth and get DQed. I'm just being a pussy because I know my recruiter will be pissed if I get a medical DQ, and he's going to pick me up after the bus leaving MEPS drops me off. I'm trying to do something stupid so that I feel more confident about this. It's a stupid teenager thing I guess

>>730968149

I'm trying to get him to say the truth to GET disqualified. Problem is if he lies about something then gets a waiver for something he doesn't have later they find out he lied about other shit he'll be fucked.

OP is a flaming homosexual, also asthma

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>>730968289
Fuckdammit, my fucking sides.

I know this one guy that enlisted on a drunk rage fit. He was drinking at a shit bar and this recruiter showed up in the middle of a fight where this fucker was.

Things turned out, the recruiter managed to flip drunktard shit in which shouldn't had been hard since, you know, he was already drunk and they bet that drunktard enlisted if he could fuck him up.

Wouldn't had believes if I didn't got to see the damn video. Some people are really dense I tell you.

why the absolute tits are you guys telling OP to lie or tell the truth trying to get DQed? One: he can just tell them that his mom's making him and he actually doesn't want to, and Two: 'are you being forced to' is literally a question they ask and have you sign 'no' on if you mean it.

>>730968649

Jesus christ, what are the odds you'll ever see his ass again? Unless hes fucking your mother of course. If you are that afraid, turn on your phones voice recorder and record the entire conversation if he states then and there that hes mad because he told you to lie and you didn't, you can fuck him so far up the ass. Call the feds afterwards.

>>730968963

Playing along.

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>>730957277
Voluntary Dislocation.

I have it in my shoulder. Basically it can pop in and out of socket at will. I thought it was a neat thing that could gross people out, found out that it is a medical condition that you can't have to be in the military. (I joined the marines, was about halfway through, shoulder hurt after doing chin-ups, went to get checkup, found out then.) They gave me an erroneous enlistment and I left after it processed (about two weeks).

All in all, I regret it. I think my life would have turned out much different if I had just stayed in. Who knows though; I may have dodged a bullet to the head in some desert.

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>>730957277
>joining the marines
>not joining the army as a MP

Pick something you'll enjoy OP. Don't pick something you'll regret.

>>730957277
Just send them this email
I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
Then that is why you want to join the army.

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>>730968649
He wants you to enlist.
If you don't, that will piss him off.

If you want to be open about it,
wear suitably respectful attire.

>>730969048
I know. I cut off contact with him for two months because I got put on an antibiotic for acne, but he showed up to my school and said my mom had called him and told him to come talk to me. You're right, if he does do something afterwards, I'll have my phone's voice recorder on so that I can send it to someone

>>730957277
>forced to go by mother.
>doesn't want to go.
>has to be 18 to join.
>18 is age of legal adult.

How about you grow the fuck up and stop letting your mom tell you what to do?

>>730969837
This but sometimes mothers are always right do.
>>730957277
so OP basically just tell her you want to join the Syrian forces because they cannot Mossad the Assad, print a photo of Assad and put it next to your computer or desk.
also a flag of Syria.

>>730969380

Yah, sitting on your ass all day and writing speeding tickets for infantry dudes. Sounds like a blast. Don't forget that if you want to be a cop in the real world 90% of police agencies refuse to hire MP's. Solid thinking my man.

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>>730957277
>>730957632
This
leav out the gay shit
and start on a conspiracy that
>"They are trying to get you"
you hear voices that are not your own

tell them your real name is Alzor

and you come from a land behond

I really can't wait to get in the Marines

>>730957277
Intentionally drop out half-way, become a drunkard and watch her reaction.

>>730970245
Really? Why don't they want to hire MP's? I've actually thought about being one if I did end up going because I felt like it wouldn't be too bad of a job.

>>730970245
I would actually like that job, not even OP but sounds fantastic.

>>730970265
Would there be any consequences if they disqualified me for being crazy? Like would I get sent to a psych ward or something? Or put on a watchlist?

>>730969837
If you're still living in your mom's basement, and she's paying the bills and feeding you, it's not so easy.

>>730957277
Long term plan:
>get a job
>Become self-sufficient.
>STOP RELYING ON \b\ FOR ADVICE

Short term plan
>kys

>>730970410
Not him, but the speeding ticket thing isn't just a meme.

If you think a Drill Sargeant is stucked up in his own ass you have never met military police.

>>730970556
>A: Become sefl-sufficient
>B: An hero

Yeah, that's basically my life plan.

>>730970245
Not true at all. I am currently an MP, I have about 10 fellow MP's who've gotten out over the last few years that are working for Washington State Patrol, California Highway Patrol, a couple for Homeland Security. You don't know what you're talking about.
>>730970410
Keep in mind MP are on law enforcement rotation. When you're not on that phase, youre doing field work. We do combat work like infantry. We dismount, clear buildings in combat as well

"I sexually identify as a woman. Do I still have to serve?" Make sure you have a wig, then flick it and bite your lip.

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>>730970554
yeah , iv never used this card for just that reason

they will send you too the ward

better then the army tho

tell them the truth

>you dont want to join , and your being forced to

im sure the guy will cook up somthing reasonable for you

>>730965590
scared of the military, but wants to go into a publish or perish field...you don't know what stress is, son. I was in from 98-03, that's right two wars faggot. I would rather have the easy, freedom and paycheck of the war time situation than have to whore my whitepapers on academic circuit (doing it now). Good luck, you ain't got the balls for either. Prove me wrong anon.

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>>730970747
Backup plan if "attack helicopter" fails

>>730971477
I was interested in prostitution when I was 14 until I found out that I would be getting fucked by dudes mostly. I think that I would honestly kill myself before I became this much of a degenerate

wwwwho is she name

>>730970747
This and also curl up your wig hair then while chewing bubble gum make blow a bubble, then if you have a pencil drop it then say silly me and reach for it while showing your ass to the military guy, then ask him so whats it like ? Ive always like men in uniform I mean wearing an uniform while you sit in your knees with the chair in front of him while touching your two faggot hands your cheeks and looking straight at his eyes.

>>730971298
Enemy academics can only crush your soul, and only if you let them. Enemy combatants can injure, maim or kill you, and the process is usually non-consensual.

>>730957277
Literally look at the MEPCOM regs and pick something outside the range of acceptable.

Or, bomb the hearing test. It's super easy. They won't take you.

It's not that hard to fail MEPS, their job is to keep you out.

>>730971690
Camwhoring is a thing, you know?

Are you passable or cute?

>>730959529
Actually, when its a volunteer only force- its full of shitbags that have no other option in life.
When individuals are drafted, we have good men serving who wouldn't normally join .

>>730957277
>path to a better life
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>730971298

>98-03. Two wars
>Can't get much more fantastic

Are you fucking stupid? There were no wars at that time. Unless you call "The Battalion Backyard BBQ's" an actual battle.

99-08 here. Simplest career ever. And hot and cold running pussy.

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>>730968537
[filename related]

>>730972455
Let it be, he's american.

>>730972167
I believe OP's original plan was to whore himself out to lonely, attractive and well-groomed females. Surely that's an underserved market?

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>>730957794
im a 32 year old vet that was in Afghan. I loved gore movies and thought i was desensitized as fuck and that ptsd was a lie. Every other week when im asleep, I can hear my dead squadron member yelling my name clear as day. It wakes me up and the bed is drenched in sweat. I havent told anyone, i just want to lead a normal life but god fucking dammit it's getting worse.

>>730972698
No shit, I stripped for old hags when I was teenage. If they would had been a little more passable I would had became a giggolo.

Genetic disposition that leaves you prone to epileptic seizures

>>730973063
smoke weed man, its how i clear my head and make my head hit the pillow every night, but a really nice mattress too.. i know that sounds like shit advice but i used to be like you...

>>730973503
I can't smoke because im tested at my job. I havent touched booze in 2 years since i used it to cope and ended up a bum on the street that didnt even care.

>>730972698
Yeah, that was the plan in my 14 yr old mind. It didn't seem like that bad of a job

>>730972167
A lot of people say that I look like Hitler (not even joking). I have a very patchy moustache, and it's really thick under my nose. The Hitlerstache is natural to me I guess lol. It really disturbs some people though. I was best friends with a Mexican guy in elementary school. When I started growing facial hair, his parents didn't want me around anymore kek

>>730973063
keep some weed in handy smoke change shirt, drink some water go to bed again.
Also dont go to a psychologist it kinda makes things fucking worse, and forget hipnosis that shit is fucked up you start jumping and hearing gunshots.
just try to maybe play videogames, also discover yourself and your conversations dont talk about weapons or shit that happened in the military because they will think youre weird as fuck.

>>730973063
War never changes.

>1889
>Arthur Conan Doyle writes a story
>about a brilliant but underappreciated detective
>that takes pity on a poor, fucked up shithead
> former military surgeon
>who lost his shit
>fighting towelheads

>in Afghanistan

>>730973722
not in a state where med mairjuana is legal? I'd much rather see you treat yourself with weed that take some anti depressant... those shits are poison....

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>>730970245
I was being sarcastic. But since you have Aspergers you couldn't tell.

>>730973960
Employers can still restrict employment of persons taking legal medications, if they have reason to believe it would impact their job performance.

If your medical issues effect your performance in the field and they find out about it you will be charged with fraud and spend some good time in prison so care about that

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>>730974444
These quads dedicated to Nancy Reagan

>>730974444
>quads ov troof
It's not about job safety. Employers just do that shit to have an excuse to fire people. Also, "Muh War on Droogz".

>>730960555
Lol. My parents and many other parents don't do jack shit to help their kids pay for college. I think you are forgetting how many poor people are in America because of your wealthy community bubble.

You're presumably an adult, if you're being "forced" to go into the military. They won't take you if you don't sign the contracts. You're under no obligation until you get on the bus to boot camp. Just tell that bitch no and move out. Since you need /b/ to tell you this basic shit and hold your fucking hand, though, maybe you should be in the military. It's nothing but handholding. Guys like you get raped in boot, though. It's almost always covered up. Enjoy.

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>>730974686
Depends.

>airline pilots
>truck drivers
>machinists

When you're flipping burgers at McDonald's, yeah it's bullshit. But for better or worse, the laws apply to all employers pretty much.

>>730961462
This. Until you've served and see how much the government fucks veterans out of benefits they've been guaranteed in a fucking contract, and how much it really fucks those that are deployed, you really have no clue. Join the bureaucracy and see how much they try to milk that base pay and you'll be looking you get something back too.

>>730975468
If they're not smoking on the job, cannabis use doesn't affect those jobs at all.

>>730965343
This is dumb as hell. Physics and math majors are in high demand and they don't even need graduate degrees to get jobs. If they know a little coding like python they are fucking set.

Source: me, making 80,000 a year with full benefits working for the Department of Defense with an undergrad degree in physics.

Take a shit in your pants. When asked what the fuck that smell is, just calmly state that you took a shit in your pants, like its nothing. You'll probably be referred for a psych eval.

>>730975768
>{citation needed}

>>730959661
Which meps are you at?

>>730976371
Enjoy this reading material, faggot.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3037578/

Just don't do it. Do something else, faggot.

>>730957277
ONLY IDIOTS JOIN THE MILITARY

>>730957277
>>730957277
say you have gerd and asthma

Just fail the hearing test. That's all it took for me. After failing twice I was barred from joining.

Tell them you are a white supremacist and want the training in order to be ready on the day of the rope.

>>730977099
Wow, I was just thinking that I could probably throw the hearing test. I feel like it would be easy to fail it

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navyfag here
>asthma
>sleepwalking
>bed wetting
>depression

any number of these is A GUARANTEE that you WILL NOT GET IN

also as long as you dont do anything in your career to warrent a court marshal your good aka anything seriously illegal. even an Other than Honorable discharge doesnt really follow you