Sup cunts. My house mate is a douchebag. He literally just came

Suck his dick show him whos boss

>>730699498

hide shrimp somewhere in his room where he wont find it right away

curtain-bar, inside bed - get creative

rotten shrimp is the worst stink imaginable.

OR

freeze a can of shaving foam. then open it with a can opener and throw the frozen block in his room. its gona expand when it melts and fills out a huge area. double whammy if its a big room

>>730699809
I can't get into his room because it's locked.
That's why I'm thinking of the toothpick in the keyhole

>>730699759
>>730699809
Both great suggestions

Take a shit on his floor

>>730699993
So close

>>730699993
I wish I could, but I can't get into his room

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>>730699498
Maybe he is yelling because you are partially deaf. Sounds like he is considerate of your disabilities but you are inconsiderate as a roommate.

Cum under door handle or nub

>>730699890
Fill big ass envelope with shaving cream, leave it open, stick under doorcrack, stomp edge of envelope.

Creamed Room.

Cum into his shampoo. He wont really notice but its funny for you either way.

>>730699498
Just tell Sheldon to shut the fuck up and shove his roommate agreement straight up his ass.

>>730700066
rofl

>>730700066
Nah he doesn't believe im partially deaf.
He thinks I was bullshitting.

>>730700116
I was thinking of cumming on his door handle.


>>730700151
I dont know which shampoo is his.

>>730700145
Or piss in a ice cream lid, freeze a disc of piss, and whip it under his door, so when he unlocks it, there is a puddle of piss in his room.

Did this to a dick coworker who stole tips and left his car windows cracked in hot ass florida.

nek yourself for being an inconsiderate fuck of a housemate.

better yet, jump off the balcony so he doesnt have to clean up your shit afterwards.

next time lower your voice cunt.

>>730700151
Or toothpaste, use a funnel. Do multiple times for best effect. Hed potentially notice that one, but maybe only from a difference of taste.

>>730700253
It's fucking 10pm.
He should stop being an asian fucktard

piss in a bowl and freeze it. slide your ice pee hockey puck under roommates door.

>>730699498
Get your own place cunt

>>730700335
see >>730700250

>>730700151
This, I hated my roommate in college so I came in his shampoo every once in a while

>>730700400
Fucking expensive though

>>730700250
Kek
Like this one

>>730700243
Ask other house mate which is his and do process of elimination. Same goes for the toothpaste

>>730700426
My room mates sister used to live bum on our couch and bitch about everything there for a while. I started brushing my dick with her toothbrush, dipping my balls in her pitchers of iced tea, cumming in her body wash.

>>730700586
Actually yeah that's a good idea. Im good mates with the other two guys in the house.

Nobody is mates with this dude. He's a virgin loner who never leaves his room and never talks to anyone.

>>730700669
Seeing hes asian he probably has some gay shampoo anyway. They all need some special hair shit

>>730699498

All you fucks suggesting secret backhanded shit like cumming in his shampoo- you realize that doesn't solve the problem of OP's roommate being a fuckhead, right?

OP- Because of all the cunts and the dobbing, I assume you're living in a country with something like the NHS. Do you have a diagnosis of this that you can provide to the landlord? Just drop the landlord an email and tell him you're partially deaf, here's the doctor note, sorry for any headache I cause with the other tenants, but you try to be as accommodating of others as your disability allows. Bing bang boom, if the douchebag starts shit again, the landlord shuts him down because he doesn't want a discrimination lawsuit.

>>730699498
Obviously you put extra fattening in his leftovers.

Also Sauce/more.

>>730701002
But also cum in his toothpaste :)

Or dribble the remains on his toothbrush, not enough for him to see it.

Finger in ass, yours, and smear his coffee mug. Aka crappacino

>>730701002
> Op asks specifically for something to fuck with him.

> You go all high and mighty saying that everyone is stupid apart from you even though youre not suggesting what op asked for

Is there aomething Im missing?

>>730700066
well..

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>>730700669
>so.. he's a 4channer /b/ dweller.. ?
don't mess with him.. for the love of god

>>730701663
Nah I think he's a starcraft/dota playing faggot who is too innocent to go on /b/

>>730701663
No one on /b/ goes to sleep at 10pm

>>730701816
start playing the same games as him and join him to play
>constantly fuck with him and make him pissed
maybe you can get your house mates on it at the same time as well

>>730701470

Yes.

The douchebag roommate thinks he's getting one over on OP by diming on him to the landlord. OP letting the landlord know that he's part of a protected class takes away douchebag roommate's "power" in this situation and makes him look like an asshole to the landlord as well. Being powerless and looking like an asshole will fuck with him way more than some shit that douchebag roommate might never even find out happened like the ol' cum the shampoo trick.

They call it high and mighty for a reason. And I didn't call anyone stupid.

If it's past 10pm, maybe you could shut the fuck up.

>>730702088
kinda you got a point there, because..
>I've been changing times so much that some 1-2 times a week I go to sleep at around 10 pm..

>>730702397
It was 10pm and I had only been in the kitchen for about 3 minutes while I was making my coffee so I could get back to studying.
One of my flat mates was also in the kitchen, so we talked while I waited.

>>730702187
Right you didnt but youre being pedantic. Rhetorical questions and you fucks arent exactly the best way of showing your approval to someone elses statement. Thats not really fucking with him, thats more removing the problem. Considering OP didnt want him to find out that it was him either. Im not saying what you said isnt right or good advice, Im only saying that you cant give shit for providing what was requested.

You know im seeing all these creative ideas but, tbh, just kill the cunt.

Problem solved lmao

Just fucking apologize faggot.
He can fuck you over too.
Just be the bigger person.

>>730703794
I did apologize.
I would have respected his boundaries completely.
But when he is an asshole who goes to the landlord about something so minor, that's when I get shitty.
It's just un-Australian to be a dobber.
If he wants to be an asian cunt thats fine, but at least have Australian values.

>>730704375
Man, I appreciate the fuck out of most Australians I meet online.
The solution to every problem is "Don't be a cunt, cunt."

Also, fill his room with dropbears. That'll teach him.

>>730699498
If you are loud, maybe you could Shut the Fuck Up when it's late.
How many tmes did the roommate tell you before needing to go to the owner?

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>>730704375
Mail him weekly semi-racist pics until he moves out with other gooks. Mail as in envelope and stuff. You can buy a bunch prestamped envelopes

>>730702488
checked fag

>>730704914
Once he came out and told a bunch off us off because apparently we shouldn't meet in groups after 9pm.

But this is the first time he's gone off at just me.

>>730705000
SHIET

>>730702088
I go to sleep at 9. Wake at 4:30. And I'll tell a neighbor to turn it down once; then the police will cite him.

>>730699498
Hey mate. Im an expert in housemate revenge. Put small holes in his socks, eventually they will turn into large holes leaving him sockless. Do the same to his underwear. The desired result is he may make the mistake of stealing a pair of your socks. Which you can then get up at him for and call him gross for wearing your clothes.

>>730705446
can't get into his bedroom sadly, we have locks on our doors.

you share a bathroom?

fuck with his toothpaste/ shampoo bottles, or any food that is his.

>>730705533
He keeps toothpaste/toothbrush in his room.

I dont know which of the shampoo bottles is his own.
I can try to find out though, there's one written in asian writing but I think it may be left by one of the past tennants. I think also one of the cool flat mates may use it as well. And I'd hate to fuck with him because he's a legend.

>>730705178
Where I'm from, there's nothing you can do until it hits 11PM. The police will tell you to fuck off any earlier.

>>730699498

Get a jar of crushed garlic. Mix with a few litres of water and filter out the solid mass. Pour it on his clothes after theyve been washed but not dried. If he has a car pour it on the winscreen.

>>730705497
Pick his lock faggot.

-get HPV
-let the warts grow
-cut them off
-place in shampoo,toothpaste
-enjoy

>>730700445
Get a job

OP pick his lock and do the shrimp.

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>>730699498
Why don't you stop being a douche bag, man up, and get some hearing aids?

>>730699890
Take door off hinges.
Where the fuck do you live that you never grew up with a locked door?
Jesus Christ, /b/.

>>730706400
I think the hinges are on the inside but this is worth a shot

Shit in the tank part of his toilet

>>730705497
What sort of doors you got? Do they have handles or just knobs? If they have handles you can always chair lock him. Get a seat with legs that just fit between the door and the handle. Practice on your own door before you attempt. This is an old trick we learn at boarding school. It straightens anyone out onve they accept they cant leave their room until you say so. Just make him know he is in fact a prisoner. No compromise, dont submit to his begging once he realises he is trapped. Be calm and assertive and let him know why he is being held against his own will.

Rub your balls all over his pillow after you go for a run

>>730706605
Once he agrees to your terms you have to hold him still for another 4 hours. Overall you should hold him for 20 hours.

>>730699498
move out faggot your literally creating a shit situation for the both of you

>>730706605
>get released
>deck roommate (optional use of weapon, held against will justifies use of force, potentially lethal depending on state)
>call cops
>change rooms
>sue
Better hope he doesn't have a computer or a cell phone with camera or voice recording capability.

Did you grow up in a poor town where people can't afford lawyers or the time it takes to familiarize yourself with local laws?

>>730706915
What do you expect? This is the internet: where even plebes and commoners are allowed a voice.

Take a shit on the hood of his car.

Fuck his mom.

>>730706915
Ill have you know i grew up in a small town where my dad was the lawyer. Hence why i went to a boarding school. Get fucked cunt its just a bitta fun. Havent you heard about domestic violence in australia? Cops wont do jack shit.

>>730700048
Then piss into a plastic plate, put it in the freezer then remove disk of piss from the plate and slide it under his door.
Do it when he comes home drunk so that he cant be sure if he did it himself or not.

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Rape him

Grab a condom long sleeve everything and gloves and then go rape him violently

>>730707242
This makes perfect sense.
I haven't heard.
I'd be interested if you have any stories.
I know there are no guns there and kids can't legally carry or possess like they can here, so I can see how this is feasible.
Shit would never fly where I live.
Either they'd get sued or jumped (depending on the socioeconomic status of the victim).

spend the next two weeks eating nothing but rotten shrimp and laxatives (dairy products if you're feeling naughty) and nothing else. practice clenching your asscheecks until you acquire complete control over the opening of your rectum. wait a week (or however long you desire, the longer the better). then wait till he leaves and prepare. lock/block all the exits and other rooms so he cannot escape once he walks in the door. sit complete naked, waiting for him to come home (lube yourself up if you feel like it). play music just loud enough to have him be pissed the second he walks in the door (preferably shitty K/J-pop). i think you know what i want you to do when he walks in, already bitching. release the kraken OP

>>730707576
Cops dont do shit all in Australia.

>>730707576
Besides mate chairlocking is reserved for dobbers like what OP has mentioned. Its a civil punishment. Much akin with Louisiana laws.

>>730700048
theres like a 1000 videos on youtube on how to lockpick. A lot of doorlocks are stupid easy to defeat.

>>730699498

put your fingers up your ass then rub it on his door knob

>>730699498
Don't be a fag after 10 pm

>>730699498
For the next year try to become his best friend. Play Starcraft with him, go out to the movies together shit like that. Make him feel like you are a person he can count on. Then entire time slowly gather information about him. Find his credit card number social security number etc. then wait for him to hit some hard times like his mom died or he can't afford to eat. Then steal his identity and fuck him over completely. Open credit cards in his name and max them out. Find out his password to his computer then get him banned from every game he plays. Let him know it was all you then leave to another country with all the money you stole from him

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>>730699498
>buy weed
>hide it in his room
>go to campus with yer mates
>call police
Or be a whistleblower and tell police he's working with North Korean human traffic

>>730699498
Wel usually when i fuck some one i dont need a tooth pic i use my dick but if thats your fetish go for it op

>>730699498
So you speak loud your deaf you pis your house mates off afther 10pm fuck them whit a tooth pic..... Are you a jew

>>730699498
can you block his IP from the wifi?

>>730699759
show him your dick to assert dominance.works everytime

>>730699498
How about just shut your cunt mouth after 10PM, because nobody really wants to hear anything that comes out of it you fucking butterball bitch.

>>730700426
>.
What the in the name of the Queen did you just fucking say about me, you little chav? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Ireland, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gentlemanly warfare and I'm the top rooter tooter long range shooter in the entire UK armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this great planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, chap. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, banger. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Marines and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little muppet. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn dolt. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, mate.

FUCK YOU FAGGOT