ITT: depression/suicide >mrw it's the middle of the

>>730321077
Got severe ADHD, I can't work, can't focus, can't be productive
>Wat do

I'm at work trying to draw stuff and getting detracted by a lactation thread and I didn't even know I was into that shit

>>730321077
Nothing super deep but I just found out my coworker is fucking some dude. I kinda thought she had a thing for me.... sad :<

>>730321337
The depression part of this is that I have extremely low self esteem when it comes to drawing and yet it's the only thing I have any interest in doing but I hate all the shit I make.

I have severe, crippling psychosis. Nothing's real and there's literally nothing to live for anymore
>call me edgelord but living is a chore. Wasted my life

>>730321429
Holy shit same. Found out an hour ago. I shouldn't even feel sad. What the fuck

>>730321237
have you tried a trade or a sport?

>>730321429
>>730321661
we've all been there. thought a girl at work liked me until i found out she had a boyfriend.

homeschooled

Work from home. Supposed to work 8am-5pm but tend to work whenever I want then put my phone on really loud so I can wake up if anyone calls me.

>>730321337
>>730321519
Same anon?
I like to draw too, it's the only thing I like to do besides play piano which I suck at because I have the hand-eye coordination of a dead snake.

Don't hate on yourself for not drawing that great, it's something that takes tons of practice to get right all the time. Learn to appreciate that every bad drawing is a lesson learned and a step towards drawing something great. Also don't throw out your bad drawings just because you don't like them, trust me, I stopped doing that because someone else told me this same thing and it's true: you don't realize how much progress you've made if you have no point of comparison. You'll feel great when you finally make something halfway decent and can look back at your old drawings and see how far you've come.

Upload some of your drawings if you can, we'd like to see them.

>>730321237
>severe ADHD
Take meds

>>730321573
That sucks anon. I can't imagine what that must be like but believe that there's always something to live for. Just be good to others when you can and you can be assured that they want you around and are grateful for you.

>>730322408
Are you depressed because of the lack of structure or something else? That doesn't sound too bad but idk your whole situation

I don't want to live anymore. I really don't. And yet I want to pursue my passion in music and film. There's so many conflicting things going on in my head. I start college in 4 months and I'm so scared of pursing my passion that I'm thinking about joining the military for the safety of it all. On top of that, I'm constantly in a depersonalized state, plus a ton of stress from my shitty home life. I'm so fucking scared guys and I don't know what to do with my life or where to take it. What if I fail at pursing music? What if I can't even gather the confidence to sing in front of a crowd? People that I've sang in front of all say I sound good, but what if they're patronizing me? What if they're lying when they say my short film was good? I need confidence. I need to nut up but I fucking can't. And that doesn't help the crippling depression and anxiety that I already have going on. Help. Me.

I've wanted to die a long time but I'm too much of a chicken wuss to kill myself. I always hope I'm going to get hit by a car or have a heart attack or something and just die. Wish I could just finally do it.

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>>730322479
I don't throw away my stuff but I should be better than I am. Used to draw all the time and went to school for it but my angsty depression brain shits on anything I do that wasn't perfect.

If I can get past initial steps I can do pretty well but getting there is hard for me because i prematurely shit on it before I'm at the part where I refine it.

I haven't finished a picture in over a year. Mostly now I just draw character ideas for a cartoon I'm VERY SLOWLY working on. The style is shitty IMO but I still am proceeding slowly with the hope of it improving with time.

Heres an unrelated pic I did that I actually like tho.

I just cannot find the energy or motivation to express who I really am. I love drawing and making jokes sometimes, but when I'm home in my real self. Awkward, sad, alone, depressed, unenthusiastic and so on. But in public places like school or with family, I make a different person, a different shell of a man of which I hide in. Its a person that people like, but is it really me. I feel that I have to hide the real me, or just leave this earth entirely so I don't have to show myself. I just need to come out of my shell, but, I think people like the fake me so much, I don't think I can.

Deep depression and computer dependency, don't laugh please pc addiction is a real thing. Anyways it's really messing me up and I don't feel like living anymore.

>>730322923
you get out of life what you put into it, unfortunately it you seem like a person who doesn't want to put a lot in. That's up to you to fix

>>730322945
IK this is the typical response but have you tried clinical help? I've been there and it really can make a difference, or at least get you on the right track.

>>730322923

I totally feel you and I'm about 12 years ahead of you in age. Those feels are real but the best thing to do is show down, realize time is yours and all this failure talk is hypothesized nonsense. Just take the right step each day, and you will find exactly the right path. It will probably surprise you how it all turns out, but if you just trust your gut each day I promise it will start working out in your favor. Try to feed yourself and slow down when you're freaking out. Good music, friends, book, whatever helps you. Camus has been my go to lately, myth of sisyphus. You got this, don't give up, just slow down.

>>730321077
Can we get a depression/suicide meme/image thread? Looking to try and laugh at how much I wanna kill myself

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>>730323014
This is the last thing I actually "finished" but I want to revisit it and change the text/do more with it at some point when I don't feel like a lazy piece of shit

>>730323356
I do want to put a lot in. I want to put my heart and soul into music and go at it head on. But at the same time, there's a constant gripping feeling that comes along with the whole "Fuck it. Put everything you've got into this" attitude and it's a huge fear of failure

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I was actually about to post about my impending suicide and i was hoping you guys could give me some advice, I'll let you know where i'm at.

>helium hood + helium gas purchased
>don't want to do this shit in the house (kid and wife)
>public restroom
>ID, Next of kin placed in a handy location for whatever unlucky bastard finds me

Should i leave a note to my wife? Kid? I wasn't going to but it seems a bit rude.

>>730323662
You have a kid and a wife you should consider talking to your wife about your headspace man. At least for your kids sake try to find some help

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>>730321077

>>730323784
They are on the verge of leaving anyway. My wife was coming back with him today for one last shot, I don't see it working, i'm going to try for a while with them so she doesn't think its her fault.

>>730322143
This is what chicks at work are made to fucking do. Don't let yourself get played again playa

>>730323662
Holy fucking shit do you even realize what you are doing you selfish piece of shit?

You brought a KID to LIFE on this EARTH and THEN decide to off yourself? Throw away the helium mask, you deserve a far more painful death.

>>730322923
Wow, anon. I feel for you.

Don't think about throwing your life away because things are scary right now. It will get better, trust me. There's always a tomorrow, and you can always find a way through life that works for you, even if it's not what you initially set out to do.

But, you should definitely follow your passion. Know that you're doing the right thing by going to college. I know it's scary to face the debtors and deal with a new situation where it feels like the stakes are so high, but trust me, it's not that bad (speaking as someone who's done it myself). I didn't even make it through without dropping classes, which IK isn't a good thing, but it's common enough that I don't feel bad, and it worked out in the end. Just trust that the people there are there to make sure you get through school, and that there's always help when you want it.

Don't join the military, though. Seriously. It's a good choice to be sure for many people, and the military (for the most part) takes care of people (ignoring the issues with the VA). You have something you want to do, and while the military might give you a headstart financially, it'll hold you back in your career.

It sucks that you have a shitty home life, but try to use that as motivation to get out and do your own thing. Use that frustration as inspiration for your work. Don't be afraid to channel that into things that others will see. Everyone feels similar things from time to time, so nobody will be able to really criticize you and you'll find plenty of people who sympathize with your work.

The fear of failure is a great one, but failure is a part of life. Just remember that there is no last step. Failure doesn't mean the end of it all, (unless it involves death), it's just another step towards your goals. You'll figure it out, just trust yourself, and go with your gut.

And for the love of god, get a counselor. They're amazing, trust me.

>>730323418
Taking it slow doesn't seem to help...It's a constant, gripping fear that I'm going to end up washed up with nothing to show for something that I plan on putting everything I have into. It's a fear that I'm going to end up wasting my time pursing a degree in film or a band in college and then at the end, it'll go to shit

>>730323953
Mile in my shoes? Yeah its selfish, depression at it's core is a selfish disease. Sitting here with a fridge filled with food, big ass telly, nice bank account and i'm going to kill myself. What of it man, Life is nothing but one let down after an other. My family would be so much better with someone else / on their own. I'm not leaving them with nothing she gets everything i own.

>>730323014
Have you tried a counselor? It sounds like you have depression, which medication might help, but it also sounds like you might have some underlying psychological thing going about about perfectionism. A counselor can help you work through those feelings.

>>730324004
Anon I'm crying right now...Thank you so much for that. I know it may not mean much, but thank you. I really needed to hear something like this tonight...It's been one of those nights where I'm having a panicky existential-crisis-esc feelings about the future. Thank you so much

>>730321077
I want to nail my cousin, but she doesn't want me to.

>>730323032
What you describe is the difference between ego and ethos. When you're alone you see yourself, but when you're outside you see the culture and reflect it onto yourself.

What you need to realize is that the ethos doesn't consume the ego, it just molds it. You can decide for yourself how much of you you want to show to others. Nobody gets to tell you how to be yourself, no matter where you are.

If you feel more comfortable being "fake" in public, you need to learn to be okay with that dichotomy. If you're uncomfortable with it, you should learn to say "fuck it, I don't care what anyone else thinks," and let the ego through.

>>730323604
That looks great, anon. I don't know why you're not satisfied with it. I'd be proud to publicize that.

>>730321077
>in high school
>become alcoholic druggie burnout
>do alot of shady shit
>almost die on at least 2 occasions
>get caught up at school
>have to choose between rehab program or getting expelled arrested (16 at the time)
>6 months of rehab
>didn't change after the program ended
>go through 3 different high schools before eventually dropping out (later did an adult ed program and got my degree)
>after graduating and some real shady shit happening, stop using all drugs besides weed and sometimes drinking.
>start college (community college)
>actually fucking stupid and can't do well in my classes no matter how hard I try
>dropping classes one after the other
>drop out
>get low paying job at a bakery
I guess this is where I'll be for the rest of my life.
My 19th birthday is in 3 months and I still don't have my drivers licence.

I don't know if this is actually going on with me or if I'm just retarded, but doing certain drugs from a young actually fucked me in life.
I just constantly feel out of it.
It's like I'm fucked up even though I know there's nothing in my system.
It's nearly impossible for me to focus on anything, which is one of the reasons I haven't gotten my license yet. I'm afraid that I'll fuck up and seriously injure someone.

Any advice?

>>730323662
Not funny anon. Get some help. There's suicide hotlines:18002738255. Call them now, talk to them, walk through it and realize that you will leave behind far more than you will gain by ending your life now.

>>730324167
Doesn't matter, kid will live his life knowing you deliberately took your own. It will fuck him/her up regardless if you are bill gates. Mile in your shoes? You wouldn't be standing after a yard in mine. You made a kid, now fucking raise it and then go die in an accident. You are already past "my life my choices", you made a kid now raise it proper you whiny fucking bitch. If you were within driving range I'd pull out your teeth bitch ass weak shit. Should have killed yourself way before, now it's too late.

I'm actually completely normal, I have friends, a couple girls and a good family I just hate sleeping and spend most of my nighttime trying to avoid it. I'm not afraid to go to sleep either I just would rather do other stuff

>>730324485
I'm happy I could help, even a little. Just remember that there are always people out there who really do care. Look where we are, it's /b/ on 4chan! You found someone to care here, people who care can be anywhere. Never give up until you've achieved your goals :)

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>>730324334
I haven't tried anything because I don't really know how to seek help. I used to toy with the idea of taking antidepressants but never asked my doctor because I was afraid of the idea that my identity would become dependent on a pill.

Pic is current doodle that I'm doing at work. I really don't like the idea of sharing it because it is just starting to not look like shit to me, but it hasn't gotten any polish yet to actually look remotely presentable for me. Idk I don't like my character styles but it's what I'm going with I guess.

>>730324740
I'm not entirely unhappy with the one you're referring to, but I don't really post anything unless it crosses my threshold of what I consider garbage. Basically I'm only happy with my work if it starts as nonsense and I inked it or if I take work and put it through illustrator to cover the parts that I think are bad. I think I have the original sketch of that one with me I'll check

>>730324964

I didn't realize we had started a "my life is worse than yours" game. Well this time tomorrow you will win my friend.

>>730324553
Have you considered therapy, or roofies?

>>730321077
>mrw

I fucking hate this place. Kill yourselves normalscum

>>730322923
Kek wait till you get closer to 30 and that "stress" you are feeling now seems like a sweet dream. Regardless, you will have better ways to cope with it than to shitpost on 4chan. Also forget about the music and film fantasies. Have that as a hobby. Too many autistic fucks my age that still try to push that dream into motion with 350 likes on their facebook bandpage.

>>730324919
diploma*
not degree

>>730325220
I'm glad you replied, anon. I really want to see if we can figure something out here.

Don't be afraid to try antidepressants, but just be aware of the risks. When I took them the first time, I ended up sick from work because I was puking my guts out due to a violent reaction with the medication. Switched meds, and I was fine, and they helped. I eventually got off of them when I decided I had come to terms with enough of my problems that I could cope on my own. I'm just sharing my own experience so you know what to expect.

Also, I can definitely see why you'd be afraid to try them. They DO change your personality, there's no doubt about it, but from my experience they make it easier to express yourself honestly instead of trying to match yourself to the internal expectations you hold for yourself...if that makes sense. So it's not so much that they change who you are, but rather they make it easier to see who you are.

Btw, that doodle looks great! I wish I could draw that good, but it's clear you have much more experience than I do. I honestly think you have the capability to make a career of your drawing skills if you wanted to.

>>730325299
oldfag reporting in, >mrw is older than you

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>>730324740
I had the original line art in my bag. The body didn't change too much but there was a lot of editing with the arm and the brush obviously. I'm not super unhappy with this pic but I don't know how long I spent on this before I put it to the computer. My splatoon stuff turned out to be some of the better work I did in the last few years so it's still on the acceptable end of my fucky self review

>>730325232
I hope there is a such thing as hell for the likes of you

>>730325936
I definitely think therapy might help you, anon. You have great skill. I don't think you realize what it means to be able to draw something on paper, ink it, scan it, edit it in digital and add post-effects. That's the workflow of a true professional, one who can do the entire job by themselves. But you need to be able to recognize your own worth, and to be able to be okay with small mistakes (sometimes, they can even make a piece better), and I think therapy or counseling can really help with that. We don't have enough time before this thread closes to go through a full therapy session, but I can guarantee that what you would work through with a counselor or therapist would get you quite far along the path to accepting yourself and your work.

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>>730325701
Thank you for this. I hit a pretty shitty spot financially for the last few years and finally am getting to the point where I can actually save money up. Relevant because my mindset has been that I can't afford to go to the doctor so I haven't considered many solutions beyond "keep afloat until you can finally get some help" so maybe soon I'll try to do something. I used to smoke weed and take Adderall which was helping for a time and I was creating a cartoon with my friend. Most productive time of my life until I got a job that had random drug tests and had to quit smoking. Gotta pay bills tho. We made 2 episodes and then had a fallout because I had a huge breakdown and stopped communicating with him. I'm very afraid to work with others on projects now because I let him down and let myself down. We are still friends though now after a few years and he recorded dialog for one of my characters for my new show. I don't want to get anyone more involved than that though until I feel like I have my shit together enough to not fuck it all up again.

Pic related is the cast for the show he and I had made. Had it printed on a case for my old phone that I use as an mp3 player now.

>>730324919
>>730324919
Anon, it's never too late to start school. If you know what you want to do, start an adult education program that will get you up to level 095 classes. From there, you'll be ready to take level 095 to level 100, and onward to your degree. You can do night classes, summer classes, morning classes, whatever fits your schedule. You can do quarter time, two-thirds time, full-time. Before you do the adult ed, take placement tests again to determine where you need the most work, since the criteria may have changed since last you tried.

You're in a better place than many 18 year olds I know, believe it or not. You have the potential to do great things.

First, though, get rid of this idea that you're retarded or whatever. You had a rough start, that's all. Life isn't perfect and nobody expects you to get through it all at once. If anybody treats you like shit because of it, fuck them, they're not right, they're full of themselves. You deserve better.

It sounds to me like you have anxiety issues. There's medication that can help, but counseling is usually cheaper and might be preferable for you, since it can often be a short-term solution. Decide for yourself, but definitely meet with your MD for advice. They will even recommend a counselor if they believe it's better, so don't be afraid to bring it up.

Now, if the problems with attention/whatever are actually physiological, the MD can prescribe medication that will help with that, too. ADHD medication works wonders, and many people who are diagnosed struggle with anxiety and depression as a result of their symptoms because they don't realize it's a medical problem. If they're not, then you just need to exercise your mental skills and you'll be back up to scotch in no time, trust me.

But seriously anon, just keep working at it. You don't need to work at a bakery your entire life unless it's something you like. Find a skill, a career, a profession. You can make it work, I guarantee it

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>>730326210

I appreciate what you're saying and I will definitely consider therapy and look into it.

>>730326522
I understand, I've been through some financial issues too, and put off help because of it. It ended with a nervous breakdown for me. You're stronger than I am if you've dealt with it this long. Do you have any family you might ask for help to see the doctor? The sooner you can go, the better, because many meds can take up to 4-6 weeks to start working (and that's after the side effects, which vary from person to person and med to med). If not, try to make it a priority. You need transportation, food, housing, etc, but you'll lose all of those without your health!

Speaking of weed, if it helped you, have you looked into whether your area has medical cannabis? It's worth checking, my brother used it to self medicate for years and only recently found out he qualified under a new law to get it legally (and cheaper). Obviously there's the issue of drug tests, but a few states (Arizona, Delaware and Minnesota) have anti-discrimination laws that might deter employers from taking action if you have a medical card. I know it's not common place to talk about weed as an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication in place of classic drugs, but the science shows that it does just as good a job with much reduced side effects. It's worth checking, as legislation can move fast and quietly.

Anyways, I also understand the thing with your friend. I did a similar thing a long while ago and I still feel bad about it, but I've moved on and have taken part in many projects since then without flaking. I think the experience with him granted me the security of knowing that I'm not obligated to perform if I can't, and that actually made it easier to take part in further projects because I felt less pressure. Have you thought of it like that before? Either way, don't be afraid, as I say often, failure is as much a part of learning as success is. It's great that you're still friends, so maybe you can work on other projects together in the future that are more involved?

>>730323546
try reddit.com/r/me_irl

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>>730327724
My family cares about me but they have their own problems so I don't think they would be able to help, and I don't really want to turn to them. At this point I probably could go to the doctor if I look into my budget but I need to feel sure that I can afford it.

As for the weed I work in security so there's zero possibility of me being able to smoke weed and keep my job. I don't really think I want to rely on it anyways. It helped me get comfortable enough to actually produce work but it didn't actually make me feel like a whole person so I'd rather keep it recreational when I'm finally in a position to smoke again without my job being a factor.

I do think that I'll be able to work on projects with others again in the future. My issue hasn't ever been being afraid of being locked into a project though as much as it's a fear that I'll get involved and get people depending on me and then I'll fall through over something stupid since that's the way it's always turned out.

My plan for that has been to get my own project going that I care about and then open the door to bring in other people so that I'm not ruining someone else's project lol. The added thought to it is that I'll gain enough skill while I work towards that point that I'll feel like someone who has something to provide to a project and not feel like dead weight being carried along.

I'll get there eventually I think but it would go a lot faster if I didn't stop working all the time.

Need stronger work ethic and need my mind to feel like it's not just taped together.

On a normal day I don't usually feel like shit unless I actually fall into a depressing period. Usually that happens once I actually try to work on my projects again and stress out over them then I'll feel like shit for a week or two and avoid working on my shit for another week or two after that. Then repeat. So in the end I make a tiny bit of progress followed by weeks of neglecting it. Not a good way to work.

>>730321077
I live in Europe you stupid dumbfuck american who thinks US is the world

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>>730321077
Killing yourself is so 2016, the new trend is becoming a hero and kill the shit that made you depressed.

>>730329016

This.

Fuck you OP

>>730321077
You are depressed for a good reason.

http://now.tufts.edu/news-releases/whites-believe-they-are-victims-racism-more-o
http://politicalblindspot.com/study-finds-white-americans-believe-they-experience-more-racism-than-african-americans/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/madison-moore/2014/01/study-shows-white-people-believe-they-experience-more-racism-than-black-people/
Which causes
http://www.healthaim.com/america-whites-higher-risk-hopeless-feel-depression-blacks/56041
http://www.alan.com/2016/04/23/u-s-suicide-rates-higher-especially-for-whites/
http://students.com.miami.edu/netreporting/?page_id=1285
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34667100/poor-white-boys-get-a-worse-start-in-life-says-equality-report

>>730329473

Think about it. Why don't they benefit from race-based policies that protects and prioritizes them? Why is any "pro-White" organization considered socially unacceptable?
Every demographic has people who will favor their own kind, but whites are by far the most benevolent and the only ones who are constantly expected to bend over lest they hear cries of racism. You wouldn't see the equivalent of #OscarsSoWhite being taken seriously or getting traction in Asian countries that are 99% Asian or in India despite them being a much larger share of the world's population than Whites. Only whites are expected to go above and beyond to provide for other people. In fact they will cripple themselves just to be "inclusive". The fact that whites are considered the "default" in Western societies is just a natural result of having a demographic majority in the countries they built, just like blacks being the "default" in Africa, Asians being the default in Asian countries.
The ironic thing is that the collectivists who complain about white privilege will generalize just as much as the "racists" they hate. They will ignore individual factors like class, genes, upbringing and will seriously claim that a poor white with low IQ from Bumfuck, Michigan, unattractive, with no education, whose mother died when he was young, had general bad luck in life and shit genes is more "privileged" than some rich, intelligent "minority" with a good family, well-educated and growing up in a well-administered city with good luck in life who benefited from AA policies.