Describe your job in a way that makes you sound like an asshole.

>sit at home behind PC all the time
>point out other people mistakes

I nitpick other people's work and collaborate with other people to build a bullet proof case against them and their work so they will do it again and hopefully i won't have to nitpick their weak shit again

>>729980792
QA?

>>729980991
unfortunately.

>>729981109
even still im pretty fucken good at it lol

>>729981134
Same Boat bruh.

IT qa, or something else?

>>729980639
>I paint half assed
>don't care about how it looks, "is this the right colour?"
>fuck it
>sell to government

>>729980639
I beat up violent homeless people and help drunk rich people.

>>729980639
>i don't work I just life off my family and government

there, i'm an asshole

>>729980787
ethical hacker

I take poor peoples money and only sometimes give a small fraction of it back.

>>729980639
> easy
A rapist who likes to roleplay as a mentor
> harder
A disease spread by a rapist that fucks plants

> inb4feminist

Sit in an office all day and maintain and fix things written in a different language. Some guy named Ed Snowden worked here.

>>729980639
I yell at running children and grab them when they're struggling to breathe

>>729981963
I wish, software qa

>>729981728
Cop?

>>729982035
Uh, a priest?

>>729982332
Is that you Uncle Gary?

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>>729982905
Nope. Guess again. Here's a hint

>>729982806
Close. Funner yet shittier pay, Security.

>>729980639
I don't know how to do people's jobs, but I tell them they're doing it wrong, any time it involves radiation.

>>729980639
Every minutes at my job, I hope to kill someone so i'll have 3 days off.

>>729982257
NSA ?

>>729983564
Manager?

>>729982975
Dad ?

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>>729983960
nope. One more guess before I spill it. Last hint

>>729980639
im getting paid to train killing people as effective as possible.
I waste a lot of taxmoney doing nothing for weeks except sport and watching TV.
I love my job

>>729980639
i distract autistics from their hopelessness

>>729983761
cop

>>729984159
airforce

>>729982332
gym coach

>>729982332
lifeguard obviously

>>729984160
/r9k/ mod?

>>729984302
nope but good guess.

>>729984267
Thank you! Someone finally got it so I can bail on this thread

>>729980639
I spend my days smothering the earth with man made love custard previously i was the cunt who gouged your eyes out every time you needed to maintain your first world status

>>729980639

>wear all black
>hang from ceilings

I spend most my day making sure people know they need to pay for Public Transport, while sitting behind a desk listening to music.

>>729984417
how do you live with yourself taxpayer burden?

>>729984073
gim trainer or pedophile

>>729982084
gim teacher

>>729984490
Very comfortably thanks to my Salary, Health Insurance and job security. Very fucking comfortably.

>>729984531
Nope
>>729984267
^this guy got it

>>729984189
No, it's not a security job.

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>>729980639

>be me
>charge clients $150 an hour to tell them the reason their shower has a leak is because they're too stupid to keep the curtain closed.
>sometimes I cover myself in their shit

>>729984675
scatman?

>>729984724
Nope
Next hint:
>sometimes a client will show me they're work and ask me why it has a leak
>I tell them it's illegal and it looks like shit
>then I fuckin destroy it and tell him to pay up
>if he don't pay up I leave with all the scrap copper and make bank for it

>>729984675
plumber?

>>729984981
Bingo

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I work in a call centre.

Pic not related.

>>729984974
plumber aka Mario

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>>729985029
>>729984359

Fucking 2/2 faggots
>mfw

>>729980639
>Go to other counties
>Kill anyone who's not me
>Hero.jpg

>>729985344
Muslim?

>>729985344
US military

>>729980639
>I yell at people when they are not doing their job properly
>I also yell at people when they are doing their job properly
>I get paid for doing this

I walk up to strangers and stick a camera in their face and take pictures of them in awkward social settings

>I charge people exuberant prices to watch some shit some rich faggots made
>tell my staff my job is difficult and important so leave them alone on the floor while I sit around and watch YouTube videos
>teach people how to change a highly compressed Xenon lightbulb and tell them it's safe when the reason why I'm trying to get someone else to do it is so I don't fuck up and die

>>729986110
xerox man

I kill many, many small animals and usually pull their organs out afterwards. Sometimes I cut them up while they're still alive. A lot of the organs I preserve so they last forever, some I mash into paste

>>729986741
norman bates?
taxidermist?

>>729986819
No.
A lot of people think my job is one of the noblest you can have

>>729986741
Kys loser

>>729986906
mortician

>>729980639
>sit at home, get on computer
>be naked if I want
>sometimes look at porn, get paid
>sometimes look at YouTube hate videos, get paid
>jack off while working
>never have to talk to anyone
>fuck society

>>729987012
No.
I work in a breast cancer research lab. We study metastasis to the lungs and bone in a mouse model of cancer. When we cull the mice we take the organs to examine if they have metastases. I also perform mastectomy surgeries on the mice to remove tumours and then track their recovery

>>729986916
triggered vegan?

I convince old people to buy metal sheets for thousands of dollars by capitalising on their fears of the outside world and their need for privacy, as well as blowing energy savings out of proportion.

Then I show them the automatic version with a remote control and jack the price up 50% for something that costs exactly the same as the manual hand-crank one.


...Actually no I'm just an asshole.

>>729987209
this might be the only way i ever touch sum titty

>>729987478
nah, the world is full of suckers, anon

that's not your fault, and it doesn't make you an asshole to take advantage of that fact

>wearing camo fuck yeah
>shooting guns fuck yeah
>Killing sandniggers because sandniggers
>fuck yeah
>bombing the shit out of foreign people just trying to protect themselves from people trying to steal their oil and shit
>fuck yeah

>>729987918
stolen valor detected

>ask people very invasive and upsetting questions
>point out problems with their health
>often make people cry

>>729987939

>Hur dur stolen valor hur dur

GTFO of here Murican shitstain.

Dutch Marine Corps

>>729987552
Our lab also does similar research with a prostate cancer model after a German research fellow started working with us. So I do get to touch sweet mouse tittys but I also have to touch dirty old mouse prostate and balls. Not cool man

>>729988186
you're my mom

>>729984302
Ded

>>729981728
bouncer.

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>>729980639
Ok, dead thread but I'll bite

>I pick up drunk girls at the side of the road, have them get in my truck, give them candy, and get paid
>ib4v&
>legit job, $17~USD per hour
Go, /b/!

>>729980639
>Tell depressed people everything they do wrong in life
>give drugs to junkies
>systematically exploit the rich just by talking with them

>>729988234
>Dutch Marine Corps

fuck you nigger devil

>>729988360
taxi driver

>>729988388
psychiatrist

>>729988413

Not really sure about what you wanna say with
>fuck you nigger devil
But hello anon.

>>729988186
doctor?

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>>729986741
Veterinary pathologist / DHEC?

>Vetfag reporting in...

>>729986110
you run movie theater?

>>729988455
Uber, but Czeched!

>>729988269
Underrated/10

>>729985746
drill sargent?

I look at people in tight clothing or very little and tell them how to bend their bodies into very compromising positions.

>i contribute nothing to society
>ramen

>>729988360
lyft?

>>729988830
dad?

>Yell at kids who never listen me,
>watch them and be sure they cant do shit
>sometimes get to call their parents
>get yelled by other adults if i dont yell enough at kids

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>put stuff on pallet
>Someone else takes stuff off
>Said stuff can be cheap or expensive af

>>729988959
daycare?

>>729989026
Yep

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>>729988873
See
>>729988647

>>729987209
This actually sounds pretty neat

Sit at a computer and write code that will better spy on people so we can sell their info to marketing companies.

>>729988830
Yoga instructor?

I poison people and make their hair fall out